"allah punish you" - a Captain Mal bait

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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:54 am

Poor pitiful orphan turns into raving foul-mouthed creep – just another tale from Baiter-land.

The Scammers
Kalil Kazeem
Maxwell Asante

The Baiter
Malcolm Reynolds

Lad emails are date-stamped; comments are in bold.

The Lad tries a bold approach – pretending he’d written to me before.

13 July 2017
hello daddy
Daddy how are you over there, we have not heard from you for a long time life here in the refugee camp is getting worst every day, Aisha my kid sister has been very sick again. I have not have any money to go to cafe to send you email before now. Daddy what is happening now, the bank said they are still waiting to hear from you, are you still helping us transfer our money to you. Please get back to us, we are waiting to hear from you.
Thank you god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Daddy count: 2

Kalil
Honestly - I don't remember writing to you.
Malcolm Reynolds

13 July 2017
Thank you daddy we very happy to hear from you. yes it long time daddy i lost my first email password here in refugee camp i not able to check my email for long time so now i open another email address. we went to tell the bank about you again and they said they have not hear from you. they said they are still waiting for your bank details so they can start the transfer. Daddy we are tired of living in this refugee camp here in ghana country, no good food no good water no medical center, my sister Aisha is sick i dont want her to die here. Daddy please contact the bank now so they can start the transfer. This is the bank details;
BANK DETAILS
Mr. Maxwell Asante
Foreign Remittance Dept.
Barclays Bank of Ghana Ltd.
PO Box 2949
High Street
Accra Ghana
Tel (Hotline): +(233)-26-xxx-xxxx
Email: [email protected]
We are waiting to hear from you, Thank you daddy god bless you
Kalil and Aisha

Daddy count: 7

Kalil
It hasn't been a "long time" - I never heard of you before now. Please explain about yourself and Aisha.
Malcolm Reynolds

14 July 2017
Daddy how are you over there, i come check for your message in the morning and i saw your email. i very happy to see your email message but also sad and worry because Aisha sickness getting worst and refugee camp workers not do anything to help us, that why i want bank to start transfer fast and finish soon so you send some small money to us first for take Aisha to hospital for treatment.
Daddy we come to Ghana after we lost our pappa during government fights in our country DR Congo first, and after our mamma die, but before mamma die mamma told me and my little sister Aisha that pappa put 25 Million dollar money in the Bank in Ghana with my name in the next of kin. mamma show me the bank papers and give me a number and tell me anytime we go to Ghana we call the number hes pappa friend in canada, small weeks mamma die and we are very worry no family, i took my sister Aisha and we come to Ghana but we call pappa friend in canada the number phone swich off and after some small time we lost the pappa friend number. They show us the refuge camp and we go there after that we go to bank with bank papers and bank check and tell us they sorry for pappa death and tell us they help us, they tell us to find some one who help us transfer our money to oversea for investment so we found you but small time we lose the password of our email and your phone number when they carry us to another refugee camp, there is no internet in the town no good water but after UN people came and they brought us back to budumbura refugee camp in accra and internet is here so we go to bank again and bank told us they have not heard from you. please contact the bank it is still barclays bank, the bank said they are still waiting for your bank details so they can start the transfer. please daddy we wait to hear from you
Thank you daddy god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Daddy count: 11

Kalil
I am not your father. That's one. And I'm not happy to find out that you told Asante that I'm your partner. That's two. Don't give me a third.
You say you found me - "they tell us to find some one who help us transfer our money to oversea for investment so we found you". How did you find me?
Malcolm Reynolds

And now the banker – apologies for the infodump.

14th July 2017
Your Ref: 0532/WT09
EFT Service No: 0094/EF21/BCK69
Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
I write in respect to the transfer of a total sum of US$25 million dollars (twenty-five million United States dollars), currently under processing with our bank, Barclays Bank of Ghana to you. The funds which was deposited as a bond in an Escrow account held with our bank, was deposited July 2009 by Late Dr. Issa Abdullah Kazeem with his son Mr. Kalil Kazeem as the Next of Kin to the deposit, before his sudden passing away. Be informed that your partner, Mr. Kalil Kazeem has instructed an immediate transfer of the above stated fund to your nominated bank account in your country or elsewhere.
To commence the transfer processing of the above mentioned funds, a Barclays bank international Electronic Funds Transfer (EFT) processing form is hereby attached to this email in a .jpg image file extension format and forwarded to you. You MUST now download, carefully read through the attached document(s), complete, sign appropriately and return copies of the completed document(s) to enable us commence with the processing of your transfer, been in bits or on a single wire transfer. We will only act/proceed according to information filled on the EFT form.
NB: If you are unable to download or print out the attached forms due to the file format, absence of a printer or related issues, you must immediately forward to us by email the following information;
Your personal information as follow;
Your Full Names
Date of Birth
Nationality
Residential Address
Contact Telephone Number
ID card number (Indicate type of ID card and number)
Your nominated (Recipient/Beneficiary) account information as follows;
Bank Account name (Name on account)
Account Beneficiary (if different from bank account name)
Bank Account Number
Bank Name (No abbreviation)
Bank Address/Bank Telephone Numbers, Fax and Telex Numbers (If ANY)
Bank Swift Code/BIC Code/IBAN Code or Sort Code/ABA Routing Number (Please indicate that which is applicable)
Driver’s license number, International passport number or National ID card number etc. (required for proof of identity)
Your Ref. Code (As seen on the top left of this email)
Your EFT Service No (As seen on the top left of this email)
Amount to be transferred
NB: Intermediary Bank Information: if required please provide as above.
Upon receipt of the completed attached EFT forms or the requested information listed in bold prints above, we shall immediately commence the processing of your transfer by registration/verification of information forwarded, and we will get back to you as soon as possible with the required follow-up information to seal and execute the transfer without further delays. Do remember we will not be liable for any delay or wrong transfer of funds resulting from your provision of inaccurate or incorrect personal, banking or account information as confirmation of this information is required for a safe and speedy processing of your funds transfer.
Please note, according to information on your electronic transfer file, an automated transaction introduction/information message, has previously been forwarded to you from Barclays automated messaging system. If you did not received this email in your inbox, you must check your spam or junk box as unstable network traffic or other email server issues could cause the message delivered into your spam or junk box. Please check to retrieve this message as it may contain important information related to your transaction, its important you receive every correspondence forwarded to you in respect to your transaction.
You can always rely on Barclays Bank for guaranteed quality services. We look forward to your timely response to this email.
Barclays; Fluent in finance, it is our business to know your business.
Sincerely
Mr. Maxwell Asante
Foreign Remittance Dept.
Barclays Bank of Ghana Ltd.
Accra Ghana
Tel : +(233)-26-xxx-xxxx
NB: We are opened between the hours of 0830am to 1630pm Mondays through Fridays, and 0900am to 1400pm on Saturdays. We are closed on Sundays.

So as a reward for his long-windedness, I gave the banker Lad a call…

https://www.4shared.com/mp3/ZAr_-etfgm/2017_07_14_2219_Mal_to_Max_Ass.html

Mr Asante
I don't know Kalil Kazeem. He is not my partner.
Malcolm Reynolds

14 July 2017
i am sorry for call you daddy or partner if you not like that. at the refugee camp in ghana here, we get your contact from the office of the refugee camp here in ghana. please i and my sick sister begging to you to please help us receive our money, and come to take us to your country so we can go back to school to finish our education and have a new life, please help us sir, so my sister will not die here in refugee camp
Thank you god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Daddy count: 12
That’s the last daddy – shame really

Kalil
I don't know anyone at any refugee camp in Ghana, or anywhere in Africa. Be truthful please.
Malcolm Reynolds

17 July 2017
dear sir i sorry for not reply to you since, it becus Aisha sickness come again serious and i cannot leave her alone in the refugee camp. i very truthful to you sir, maybe i doing some mistake i not know, i cannot remember many things becus of my sister sickness becus i not want her to die in the refugee camp but every thing i tell to you about our life is true i not lie Insha allah, mamma and papa tell us never to lie so we not lying. we have the bank papers mamma give us before she died, and we also have our refugee id cards here with us. please help us contact the bank today so bank can start and finish the transfer quick, and my sister will not die here and we can come to your country to go back to school and finish our education and have a good life. sir please we want to hear from you
Thank you sir god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Kalil
I don't know how you can say you made a mistake - someone must have given you my address. You tell me that you don't tell lies; tell me the truth about how you came to contact me.
Malcolm Reynolds

17 July 2017
it in the refugee camp the officers give contact to refugee people who need help with foreig investor or someone who help them recive their inheritence money. that where they give to us me and my sister your address, it all i can remember sir this is all truth i saying, please help us sir my sister very sick so she not die here in the camp
Thank you sir god bl;essing you
Aisha and Kalil

That doesn't make any sense! I'm not a foreign investor - hell, I know fox alpha about investment. I was a Marine Captain, not a gorram money shuffler! And they had no fucking right to give my address and maybe raise false hopes. For one thing, you wrote this - "please i and my sick sister begging to you to... come to take us to your country" - I'm an American citizen living in Australia. I can't get you into this country; I'm a resident alien. I can't lie to you.
Malcolm Reynolds

18 July 2017
please sir we only children africans we know nothing about invest money. since we lost our parants we only looking for someone who take us as his children and help us to receive our money and take good care of us and our education, bank also tell to us long time ago that our money can be transfer bit by bit according to us and the person who will receivs for us
Thank you god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Well, I don't know anything about investment, and you two ain't children; you're adults.

19 July 2017
please we are from dr congo, before mamma and papa die they not teach us about investment so we not know any thing we not know life we come like this, and here my sister is dying in camp no body help becus we not from this country ghana, if you like help us it ok and if you not like help us it ok Insha Allah all i can do befor we find helper is pray to allah, but please if you like help us contact to bank barclays now
BANK DETAILS
Mr. Maxwell Asante
Foreign Remittance Dept.
Barclays Bank of Ghana Ltd.
PO Box 2949
High Street
Accra Ghana
Tel (Hotline): +(233)-26-xxx-xxxx
Email: remittance.dept@ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.com
Thank you god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Who's Doctor Congo, and what happened to him?

19 July 2017
dr congo is the democratic republic of congo please check the internet google you see it there, is our country where we come from after we lose our parants but now we live in ghana as refuge in refugee camp. please help us receive our money we not have anyone here to help us. you can tell to bank to start with transfer small amount and after you can transfer the rest balance. please conatct to bank today they waiting to hear from you
Thank you sir god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Well, having looked up the DR Congo, I'm prompted to ask - how did your parents make all that money?

20 July 2017
papa is a minister of finance in our country before long time ago and he deal business in gold and diamond and mama work in the central bank of congo before she died
Thanks
Aisha and Kalil

Pardon my cynicism, but Congolese minister of finance + personal fortune of $25 million = corruption and graft in my book.

21 July 2017
sir what you talking about, my sister stay there in camp very sick i not know if she die and you ask so many question i not understand, what do you want, you want help us?
Kalil

And what do you think I mean?

21 July 2017
sir if you want help, please make contact to bank now
BANK DETAILS
Mr. Maxwell Asante
Foreign Remittance Dept.
Barclays Bank of Ghana Ltd.
PO Box 2949
High Street
Accra Ghana
Tel (Hotline): +(233)-26-xxx-xxxx
Email: remittance.dept@ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.com
i already tell to bank about you, you just tell them it Kalil and Aisha transfer money. we wait to hear from you
Thank you god bless you
Aisha and Kalil

Not so fast there, Bubba-Louie.
I have no proof that you are who you say you are - and all this might be a plan to smuggle corruption money out of the country and leave me as the patsy. You'd better give me proof of who you are and all the rest, or we're done here.

Uh-oh, looks like Kalil’s patience is running out…

23 July 2017
what you mean by corruption money you mean i smuggler? what you talking about me and my papa, who you think you are saying my papa corrupt you stupid poor man becus i ask you for help to make you rich you tell to me i a smuggler and my papa money is corruption, i tell to you you are fool, you not even know what kind of question you want to ask, my sister is there very sick and you keep asking me senseless question you not even know what to ask, allah punish you. yes we done becus you not make any sense, a man like yoiu cannot be trustd, allah punish you

Oh you sweet summer child! You seriously expect me to believe that growing up in the DRC you never heard of kickbacks or thankful money? If you're going to act all innocent while trying to throw dust in my eyes, then I guess we are done.

Almost there!

23 July 2017
i am done with you long time i cannot trust person who talk like you, not make sense to me did you not read my email before or you not understand what i said. you talk about kickback or thank you money, is that corruption money. listen papa and mama very hard work people before died, you not even know nothing about us, instead you should ask sensible question you there asking foolish question why my sister is about dying in camp and you think i wait here to answer those stupid question you ask. please go somewher else leave us alone

Yes, kickbacks and thankful money are synonyms for corruption. Obviously you think that demanding illicit fees is proper behavior and not graft. I guess your mama and your papa worked hard to get their payola and smuggle it from the country, and now you want to get it to some wealthy nation so you can spend those dollars on luxuries, cocaine and booze, fast cars and gambling, hookers and rent boys. Well, you can do all that, but I ain't making it happen, asshole.

Critical mass achieved, and meltdown is on!

25 July 2017
it is your father and your motgher that are corupt you nonentity, are you this foolish all your life, DICKHEAD? you sound more like a low level broke ass idiot now you can go suck your mothers pussy and leave us alobne asshole, i tell to you before to leave us alone and not write to us again. IS THGAT TOO DIFFICUKLT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? BITCH

The world would be improved by your death, and it can't happen too soon.

26 July 2017
K.W.A.S.I.A..... you miscreant, talking bout corruption, how many corrupt people have you change in australia where you live or in your country where you come from, if your country is very good and comfortable for you without corrupt people or leaders, then WHY do you have to migrate to another country where you are sufaring now? ABORDAN (means senseless idiot), you shall DIE first for the world to be improved by those who can realy change it and not hypocrites like YOU. ASSHOLE

A check of google revealed (from Urban Dictionary) “Kwasia” - from the Ghanaian language of Twi meaning a fool, a plank, an idiot, someone who has fewer brain cells than a cabbage.”
Accordingly I replied with something that Ghana is infamous for (in the Baiter lexicon).

Dead giveaway, asshole! You're not a rich Congolese dickwad - you're one of the Ghanaian gayboy gangsta wannabes from Fag City, aka Accra-Ghana, biggest homo hideout in the world.

26 July 2017
you talk like a moron you not know what you talk about, i not blame you if you get good job doing you not have tim,e talking stupid to a refugee boy. i said i not trust you i not want to send our money to you, SO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT? leave us alone you DICKHEAD, go suck your mothers pussy i told you. you stinky PINKY PIG, i spit on your face you bastard. what do you want from us? move your broke ass the other direction KWASIA

You ain't a refugee - you're a dip-dunk can't-*DELETED* no-load limp-wrist faggot and sociopath bunco-steerer.

That was enough to silence the Lad forever.

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