Reverend Eze - "Sand Timer" & 4 Safari trips

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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:22 am

Yes, Kamba has a few mosques and our lad is a Muslim, of course... at least that's what everyone thinks and he did not (yet) contradict this general opinion. Laughing

I'm sure he will have nothing against a meeting with Mr. Boba (the warehouse's driver) at the central mosque of the village.

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 8:27 am

Tuesday - 09.15 - Niamey local time

Mr. Boba (nigerian driver who works on the warehouse in Niamey) sent a message to our idiot:

Quote:

broda evri 2 saturaday am go ma houm fo ma wife e ma pikin fo kamba di kebi state afta di border wit najirya
dis wik i can tek ur parsel na ma vilaje yu gif mi 50 dolla ok
if yu tok nais bos qeshun he wil agrii dis solution
abeg kip secret secret iz no permitd tu transpot parsel afta di border ok

Our idiot claims he does not understand the message: Laughing

Quote:

I can't read your email, send it in English.

Mr. Boba just try to help, so he tells the idiot to get in touch with Qesha "the boss":

Quote:

ai can tek ur parsel in kamba najirya
spek wid bos qeshun an ask him ok

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

So funny he keeps saying he can't understand Bobo. I bet if Bobo offered him a share of cash rather than asking him for money, our 'hero' would be able to understand him toute suite. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:04 am

Yeap!
I am very convinced of this, but it does not bother me to change another extra messages with the idiot. Laughing

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 2:59 pm

16.00 - Niamey local time

The idiot sent 2 messages ... one to nigerian driver (Mr. Boba). The other message is to Regional Maanger.
Only the Manager answered. Laughing

Our idiot, to Mr. Boba (nigerian driver):

Quote:

Resend this email in English i can't read your email your email or i will forward it to Mr.Qeshaun.

Our idiot, to Mr. Qesha (Regional Manager):

Quote:

Mr.Qeshaun, I have been waiting to hear from you? Mr.Baba Samaila sent email to me what is going on?

"My" Regional Manager does not know anything:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum, Mr. Ezze!

Yesterday I sent you a message and I told you everything was fine and we could send your parcel next week. Did you get that message from me?
What message did you get from Mr. Boba? Is it about the past days, or is it something new? Today I had a couple of deliveries to do and I did not stay very much in the warehouse.

Masha Allah!
Qesha A. Kooni

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 4:30 pm

17.15 - Niamey local time

Our idiot became interested in the proposal suggested by Boba (nigerian driver), so he sent 2 messages to Qesha (the Regional Manager)... he sent (forward) Boba's messages:

Quote:

broda evri 2 saturaday am go ma houm fo ma wife e ma pikin fo kamba di kebi state afta di border wit najirya
dis wik i can tek ur parsel na ma vilaje yu gif mi 50 dolla ok
if yu tok nais bos qeshun he wil agrii dis solution
abeg kip secret secret iz no permitd tu transpot parsel afta di border ok

The Manager:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum! Yeah, I know what that's all about. We discussed last week about you and the fact that you said you did not have a free pass to cross the border. Boba is a nigerian man and his family is from KAMBA, a village in Nigeria (near the Niger border). He had the idea of trying to help you when he goes home to see his family.
An approximate translation of his message says he goes home to his family every two weeks (Saturday) and lives in Kamba / Kebbi State / Nigeria.
He said he could bring your parcel there to Kamba (this Saturday) if you paid him $ 50. He told you to ask for my opinion, because this is totally forbidden (to transport parcels across the Nigerian border).
Being from the Dole-Kaina community, he crosses the border every 2 weeks and has the advantage of knowing everyone on the left and right of the border.

Masha Allah!
Qesha A. Kooni

Our idiot:

Quote:

that email is what i received from Mr.Boba Samala:

ai can tek ur parsel in kamba najirya
spek wid bos qeshun an ask him ok

The Manager:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum!

Translation into English is somewhat: "I can bring your package to Kamba - Nigeria. Talk to my boss Qesha and ask him what his opinion is."
I told him that, from an official point of view, I should not be involved in any activity that does not comply with the TSC Internal Regulations.
But, on the other hand, we live here on the border and we know very well what can be done and what can not be done. Boba crosses the border for more than 20 years. He is a respected man in his community.
Masha Allah! Qesha

-------------------------------------------------------

18.15 - Niamey local time

Our idiot, to "my" regional manager:

Quote:

Qesha A. Kooni, Paying $50 is not the problem, The problem is that Kamba is very far from Lagos, If he can deliver it to me once the package arrive in Benin fine i will pay him the $50. From Lagos i enter Benin because they have common Bindery. Mr.Boba Samala hardly speak English and i do not read his email due to his language.

Niamey Regional Manager:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum! Sir, I do not really understand what your position is. Can you easily get to Benin, Cotonou? Yes or no? If you can, then you have to wait until next week (on Monday) when we make a shipment again. Your parcel will be there in Benin and my colleague Akwoodi will contact you and help you with his delivery agents.
If your moving to Benin is still a problem for you, then it may be easier to get to Kamba. Although it is further away, you do not have to cross any border and you are in the same country (Nigeria).
I do not know what to say, it's just your choice. Masha Allah! Qesha

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:21 pm

19.00 - Niamey local time

- The idiot says it's getting very easy in Benin, so I did not really insist on the "Kamba village" travel.
- It would have been great to ride him through northern Nigeria, but that's it! I tried! Maybe I will succeed this option next time, with another dumb lad. Laughing

The lazy idiot:

Quote:

Yes, I Can easily get to Benin Cotonou and pick up my package there is no problem with that ok. Thanks for your Concern. Ezze.

My regional manager is very happy to help the idiot. Like brothers of faith!... it is also true for the manager of Benin. Laughing

Quote:

Salam Mr. Ezze! Insha'Allah, everything will be resolved next week. I'll let you know when your parcel leaves our warehouse. Mr. Akwoodi will probably contact you on Tuesday, in the early hours of the day. He is also a Muslim, so all things will be easy for you. Alhamdullilah, we are brothers of faith and we are united by the same religion. We help each other.
Masah el Kheir, we will talk next Monday! Sallam brother! Qesha

Given this, I think it will be a relaxed week for both sides.
In RL, the next few days we celebrate the National Day so everyone is on vacation. So, this pause is good for me.
I will return with the adventures of Emanuel Ezze in the coming days. Laughing

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:14 am

- Mr. Ezze is very relaxed because he is convinced that his package will arrive in Benin next week (Monday or Tuesday).
- He assumes (obviously, wrongly Laughing

) that the place of delivery is Cotonou, but he will have a big surprise. Laughing

In the last two days Mr. Ezze was very silent, his only message being one in which he thanked Manager Qesha for the promised help in the last message.

Quote:

OK, Thanks, Ezze.

My regional manager was also laconic:

Quote:

Wa Alaykum as Salam! Qesha

- On Monday (December 4th), in the afternoon hours, Mr. Ezze will receive a message from Regional Manager Qesha (TSC Niger) informing that his package was put on an air-shuttle destined for Benin.
- On Tuesday morning, Benin TSC Manager (Mr. Akwoodi) will confirm that the package is already in Benin TSC warehouse and will ask Mr. Ezze when he wants to get to Cotonou.
- The manager of Benin warehouse will be particularly kind and friendly with Mr. Ezze (because he is convinced that our idiot is also a Muslim).
- At one point, AFTER the idiot is already in Cotonou, manager Akwoodi will discover that Mr. Ezze is (in fact) a Reverend at a Christian church.
- Probably the TSC Headquarters gave a "confirmation" message to the Sender (father Elephterie), and he then came in contact with Mr. Akwoodi. During the talks, Father Elephterie said the package is intended for "our dear Reverend Ezze, from the MUIE Christian mission in Lagos." Laughing

This lie will be harshly treated! ...Mr. Akwoodi (Benin manager) will be particularly severe with the liar khafir* (unbeliever). Laughing

The package is at the TSC Parakou Warehouse (where all parcels that have been insured and declared "of great value" are stored) and the idiot we must get there.
With its own resources and without any help from manager Akwoodi! Laughing

- From there, the story will unfold according to my inspiration and depending on how the idiot will react... as a model, I read all the "safari" stories on the forum and I'm ready for all possible variants! Laughing

- The only thing I miss is the possibility of talking on the phone with the idiot. If there is anyone here who has a Benin phone number available and who wants to participate in this story, I will be delighted! Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:09 am

Monday - 08.30 - Niamey local time

TSC Customer Care Manager sent a message to our idiot:

Quote:

PACKAGE DELIVERY: TSC TRACKING # TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX

Dear EZZE EMANUEL,

Special Note: At the request formally made by you, the parcel # TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX will be moved today to our Benin-Warehouse.

TSC Regional Manager in Benin, Mr. Akwoodi Osuaze, will contact you for all the details related on delivery.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.

Claude Postumier
Customer Care Manager

Our idiot:

Quote:

Dear Claude Postumier Customer Care Manager, I received your email and thanks for the update. I will be waiting to hear from Mr. Akwoodi Osuaze the Regional Manager in Benin once the parcel arrived.

Ezze Emanuel

--------------------------------------

09.45 - Niamey local time

Our idiot forwarded the TSC message (above) to the manager of Niger (Mr. Qesha):

Quote:

PACKAGE DELIVERY: TSC TRACKING # TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX

Dear EZZE EMANUEL.....................

Of course

, the Niger manager confirmed that the package will leave today for Benin:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum! Yes Sir, today's transport will also include your package. I assume that my colleague Akwoodi will contact you when the package will goes into custody of the Benin TSC warehouse. Masha Allah! Qesha

Our idiot:

Quote:

OK Qesha, Thanks i will wait.

My regional manager:

Quote:

Wa Alaykum as Salam!

--------------------------------------

Starting tomorrow, the action in this story will move to Benin. I hope I can bring my idiot up to Cotonou... and from there, I hope I can send him to Parakou. Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 5:52 pm

18.30 - Niamey local time

Our idiot gets impatient...
To Customer Care Manager:

Quote:

Dear Claude Postumier, What is the delay again? I have been waiting to hear from you? Let me know if the parcel has relocated to Benin warehouse. Ezze

From Claude (Customer Care Manager of TSC), the same "standard" message:

Quote:

PACKAGE DELIVERY: TSC TRACKING # TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX

Dear EZZE EMANUEL,

Special Note: At the request formally made by you, the parcel # TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX has been moved today to our Benin-Warehouse.

TSC Regional Manager in Benin, Mr. Akwoodi Osuaze, will contact you for all the details related on delivery.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.

Claude Postumier
Customer Care Manager

To Niger Regional Manager... the same message:

Quote:

Dear Qesha, What is the delay again? I have been waiting to hear from you? Let me know if the parcel has relocated to Benin warehouse. Ezze

Mr. Qesha will see the message only tommorow. Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:23 am

Tuesday - 07.30 - Cotonou local time

Mr. Qesha (Niger manager) he responded to the idiot's yesterday's message:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum! I thought you were already announced by TSC officials. Please contact my colleague and good friend Akwoodi Osuaze (Benin Regional Manager) for all the details of the delivery. I have done my holy duty and informed him again about your special situation. Akwoodi promised me that he would help you as if you were his blood brother. Masha Allah! Qesha

Our idiot wrote to "my" Benin Regional Manager (Mr. Akwoodi):

Quote:

I have been informed by the TSC officials and Mr. Qesha from Niamey Niger warehouse that my parcel has arrived in Benin today. Please confirm and give me the details of my parcel.

Thanks
Ezze Emanuel

- Yes, the parcel arrived and is in custody of the Benin warehouse.
- The manager in Benin (Mr. Akwoodi) confirms the delivery details.
- The Benin manager treats our idiot as a true blood brother. Laughing

Quote:

Sabah el kheir mon frere Ezze!

The TSC package with identification number TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXX is already stored in our High-Security warehouse and can be picked up daily (except on Sundays) between 08.00-18.00.
The declared value of the parcel included it in the "High Value" category. The insurance charges were paid by Sender. A brief description of the package content: electronic and electrical devices.

In the folder with documents accompanying your package are the following files:
1) Copy of your ID document,
2) Copy of your Relocation Request Letter,
3) Copy of the receipt indicating payment of all the fees (the original is at Sender),
4) The full details of the Recipient
5) The full details of the Sender
6) Some internal TSC shipping documents.

The package can be taked by you until 19 January 2018, the date on which the TSC custody term expires. After this date, the parcel is considered abandoned and the Sender will be notified of this.
a) If the Sender pays "repatriation" costs, then the parcel is returned back to the Sender's address.
b) If the Sender does not pay or if the Sender does not respond to the messages, then the content of the package is shared between the delivery team members.
In general, it is enough to present yourself at the warehouse and sign the delivery documents.
Mon frere Qesha told me that you are also a Muslim brother and asked to help you, so I will send a driver to take you from where you arrive in Cotonou and bring you directly to the warehouse.
We make daily deliveries in Cotonou and our driver can pick you up from the airport (or from anywhere in the city).
You've been to Cotonou? Do you know the city? Please let me know about your intention to come here at least 24-48 hours before, so I can organize all these things.

Salaam and mash' Allah!
Ton frere Akwoodi

-------------------------------------------

09.45 - Cotonou local time

Our idiot, to Mr. Akwoodi (Benin manager of shipping company):

Quote:

Dear Akwoodi, I have received your email this morning regarding my parcel just arrived in your High-Security warehouse. I should send the requested documents to you or come with it when coming to the warehouse? I have been to Cotonou and my brother is leaving there too. let me know if i will the send documents before coming i intend to come to Benin Cotonou tomorrow as soon as possible so let me know how to send the documents to you and send me the warehouse address.

Thanks
Ezze Emanuel

---------------------------------------------

10.00 - Cotonou local time

My idiot is getting more and more anxious... once again, he sent me all scanned copies of the previous documents.:

Quote:

Dear Akwoodi, I have attached the documents as you requested all you need to know this parcel so view them and get back to me with the warehouse address in Benin Cotonou. I will come with this 3 copies of the documents at is all i had from the TSC Romania if you are not certified let me know or contact the TSC warehouse in Niamey Niger. We have been in communication for long before requesting my parcel to Benin Cotonou where i can come to pick up the community parcel.

Thanks
Ezze Emanuel

Mr. Akwoodi, Benin regional manager:

Quote:

Frere Ezze, Sabah el kheir!

1) Upon delivery, you just have to present your ID document and the Relocation Letter in original (this will remain with us).
2) You do not have to send them to me again by email because I have received the copies attached to the package.
3) Tomorrow we have deliveries everywhere in Cotonou, so my delivery agent (Mr. Seemba) can easily meet you and your brother. He will bring you directly to the warehouse and help you with the transportation.
4) Please let me know time and place of meeting so that I can communicate Mr. Seemba all these details. Will you get to Cotonou tomorrow morning? Or tonight?

Salaam and mash' Allah!
Ton frere Akwoodi

Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:31 am

Birlic wrote:

the content of the package is shared between the delivery team members

What a corrupted team!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:18 am

Wednesday - 06.45 - Cotonou local time

Our idiot, to Mr. Akwoodi (Benin regional manager)... from Lagos to Cotonou there are almost 4 hours driving (125 km). I do not know how efficient it is, in that area, the public transport service (buses).

Quote:

Dear Mr.Akwoodi, I have been calling my brother in Cotonou but his phone number is not going through. I am not familiar with places in Cotonou because that is not my regular place of business. Why can't you send me the facility address to come directly to the warehouse or tell me where to stop when i arrive to Cotonou? so that the delivery agent will come and pick us. Please give me the facility address tell me where to stop when i arrive Cotonou. I await your responses before coming.

Mr. Akwoodi:

Quote:

Sabah el kheir, frere Ezze!
Qesha's request is like a sacred brotherhood debt for me, so I will do my best to help you.
The address of the High-Security warehouse is somewhat far and difficult to find for someone who is not familiar with places, and I do not want you to experience any unpleasant experience.

1) My delivery agent Mr. Seemba can wait you in any central public place that is familiar and comfortable for you: Place Lenine, Cardinal Bernadin International Airport, Place de l'Etoile Rouge, Stade de l'Amitie, Gare Centrale or anywhere you can easily reach.
2) It depends only on the means of transport that you will come from Lagos. My delivery agent speaks only French and some local dialect, so we need to coordinate exactly.
3) I will need to send me a picture of you in a public place in Cotonou, so Seemba can easily recognize your share location and recognize you too. It is ideal to see in the picture a written local sign, or a public building that is easy to identify.
4) Our vans are white color and are labeled with TSC name on both sides, so is easy to recognize. Also, all our drivers have white t-shirts properly inscribed.
Salaam and mash' Allah!
Ton frere Akwoodi

----------------------------------------

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:42 am

10.00 - Cotonou local time

Our idiot, to Mr. Akwoodi:

Quote:

Dear Mr.Akwoodi, I want you to tell me the exact public place in Cotonou where the delivery agent Mr. Seemba come and pick us. Should i stop at Lenine, Cardinal Bernadin International Airport? or de l'Etoile Rouge, Stade de l'Amitie, Gare Centrale. tell me the exact place now and give me number to call because once i inter Cotonou my phone number cannot call you in Cotonou so i will need to call you with republic line there to inform you we have arrived.

Ezze Emanuel

10 minutes later, another message from him:

Quote:

Mr.Akwoodi Osuaze, I need phone number to call once i arrived Cotonou at is all. My phone number cannot work there so we need to call someone that we have arrived at so so place in Cotonou. Please get back to me on time if we can make it today to avoid delay. Ezze

Half an hour later, my regional manager (Mr. Akwoodi):

Quote:

Sabah el kheir!

1) Can you get to Place de l'Etoile Rouge? It is easy to identify, a very large round place with a high monument (a man's sculpture with a raised hand to the sky) in the center of a low building with red walls. At the gate from the North, because it is easy to park there?
2) What time do you think you get, so I know what delivery program to do for agent Seemba?
3) The company policy requires that all conversations with customers be emailed only for to be stored on the TSC servers for further complaints.
4) When you get to place de l'Etoile Rouge, please take a picture of you in front of the monument and send me the picture immediately. The driver must be able to identify you correctly.
Salaam and mash' Allah! Akwoodi

Theoretically, this whole discussion implies that the idiot left Lagos for Cotonou. Right? Laughing

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:06 am

Hmm, "the owls are not what they seem"! Laughing

11.35 - Cotonou local time

My idiot:

Quote:

Akwoodi, Are you telling us to stop at de l'Etoile Rouge? Is very late now but tomorrow we will be there since you want us to stop at de l'Etoile Rouge for easy identification. I will bring the passport attached to my email for identification by agent Seemba at picking up Place de l'Etoile Rouge.But you know that once we cross the border we can't make use of our phones internet so how are we going to do it there to contact you that we have arrived at the de l'Etoile Rouge?

Thanks

Ezze

The Regional Manager:

Quote:

Sabah el kheir!

1) You told me you were coming today, so I scheduled all the deliveries so Mr. Seemba was available for you all day long. Now you tell me you're coming tomorrow.
Look, mon frere, that's the reason why I asked you to tell me the decision to come after the parcel at least 24 hours before. That I can prepare everything right.
2) Yes, tomorrow I could send Mr. Seemba to you there in the northern part of the Place de l'Etoile Rouge. There is a very important bus station there, it is impossible not to find it. Anyone knows it.
3) When you get in the place, you must send me a picture of you there. For Simba to see how you are dressed and where exactly you are. You can get a SIM card for the internet so we can communicate effectively and have no any delays.
4) What time do you think you can be there? I need about an hour for to be able to send Simba there at you.

Salaam and mash' Allah! Akwoodi

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:02 pm

Fingers crossed!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:28 pm

13.30 - Cotonou local time

- We seem to have problems in Paradise! Laughing

- Our idiot became suspicious (because I refused to talk to him on the phone), so he strongly insisted on giving him the address of the Cotonou deposit.
- I felt that this is the moment when the manager in Benin gets offended by the idiot's words and that's the moment when the idiot has to decide whether he wants the money or give up the parcel.

Our idiot:

Quote:

Dear Akwoodi Osuaze, TSC has no Sorting Facility warehouse in Nigeria due to no license from the Government, This is why they took the parcel to Niamey and i can't go there that is why i requested to relocate the parcel to Cotonou Facility warehouse. Please send the address i will prefer it that way.

Thanks
Ezze

Our idiot, again, 5 minutes later... more aggressive this time:

Quote:

Dear Akwoodi Osuaze, You wanted me to come without knowing where am going to? I am not comfortable with your arrangement how can i go and stand where i don't know in Cotonou? The TSC sent me the address of sorting facility warehouse in Niamey, Niger which is Address: TSC Sorting Facility, National N1 road, Industrial Zone, Niamey Urban Area. Niamey, Niger. Why have you refused to send me the Address: TSC sorting facility warehouse Benin Cotonou? so that i can come there directly with the documents and pick up the community package? Mr.Qesha told me that you will contact me how on to come over to TSC sorting facility warehouse in Benin Cotonou, now you are telling me to go to de l'Etoile Rouge and with for Mr. Seemba to come and pick us.Let me get in touch with Mr.Qesha first. I want you to send us the Address please i want to come direct to TSC warehouse in Cotonou that was the scheduled from Mr.Qesha.

Our idiot sent also a message to the manager of Niger warehouse:

Quote:

Dear Qesha, Please tell Mr. Akwoodi Osuaze to send me the address of the sorting facility warehouse in Cotonou. Thanks Ezze

OK! The time has come to clarify all things! Laughing

Mr. Akwoodi, first message to our idiot:

Quote:

Sabah el kheir, frere Ezze!

1) Our High-Security warehouse is not in Cotonou, but in Parakou! This can be easily verified by the application that manages online the movement of all TSC packages. The #TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX package is a parcel declared "with high value content" and with prepaid insurance costs, so it is stored under strict watch in our High-Security Parakou warehouse. In Cotonou we have many delivery points, but they are used only for small packages, for letters, for worthless documents. I thought mon frere Qesha informed you about all these things and that's why he turned to me and asked me to help you in particular mode. My delivery agent Mr. Seemba was instructed to take you from the Cotonou and bring you directly to TSC warehouse in Parakou and back to Cotonou.
2) If you want to come directly to the Parakou warehouse, nothing easier. The address of the deposit is 3.7 km from the RNIE6 intersection with Rocade Street, after the airport, in the direction of Tourou. In the intersection there is a well-known restaurant: Le Sherif. Many TSC inscribed signposts are mounted on the main road in such a way that access to the depot's yard is easy to find for drivers. In this case, there is no need for any special arrangement for you.
3) Remember that the working schedule of the warehouse is 08.00-18.00 daily except for Sunday.

Salaam and mash' Allah! Akwoodi

Mr. Akwoodi, the second message to the lad... Akwoodi is very upset and feels offended! Laughing

Quote:

Mr. Ezze, Sabah el kheir!

1) I do not refuse anything and I just wanted to help you with the parcel transport on the Parakou - Cotonou route. Because Qesha asked me and because he guaranteed for you as a blood brother! Nothing more!

2) I have already sent you the address of the warehouse and start to be annoyed by this complicated story with you and your parcel. I have the impression that I'm being treated wrong by you and I do not need that!

3) I formally announce you that my working program starts at 08.00 and ends at 18.00. Any message received after 18.00 will have to wait until the next day.

Salaam and mash' Allah!

-------------------------------------------------

15.30 - Niamey local time

The manager of TSC Niger (Mr. Qesha) is innocent and finally responded to the idiot's message:

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum! Sir, I do not really understand your question. Mr. Akwoodi does not respond to your messages or what is your problem now? Masha Allah! Qesha

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:37 am

Thursday - 07.45 - Lagos local time

- It looks like the night is a good counselor! Laughing

- Our idiot decided to go to Parakou to pick up his parcel.

Quote:

Dear Akwoodi Osuaze, I am very sorry i didn't mean it that way by treating you wrongly just that am afraid because of the hoodlums over there. The tracking showed me the location of the parcel which is Parakou in Benin and i thought that Parakou is in Benin Cotonou. Well We are going today by around 11 or 12pm. I was advised to dress simple as if am going to buy goods because of people at the border. Please Mr.Akwoodi Osuaze don't be angry with me Qesha told me you will help me.

I will like to come with taxi from the border to warehouse and we have called someone that knows Benin very well to bring us to the warehouse today once we get to border. Please is this the address: 3.7 km from the RNIE6 intersection with Rocade Street reconfirm to me once again to be sure before coming.

Thanks
Ezze

Mr. Akwoodi, "my" regional manager in Benin wrote to our idiot:

Quote:

Mr. Ezze, Sabah el kheir!

1) Yes, the address of Parakou warehouse is noted correctly.
2) I want to remind you of the working hours of the deposit: 08.00-18.00 (except on Sundays).
3) If you will send me a message immediately after crossing the border, then I will be able to prepare the parcel for delivery in such a way that the operation takes place without any delay.

Salaam and mash' Allah!

Our idiot, to Benin manager:

Quote:

OK, I will do that once we get to border because once we cross the border the phone stop working.

"My" manager, to our idiot:

Quote:

Sabah el kheir, Mr. Ezze!

1) Approximately, you can estimate the time of departure from Lagos and the time of arrival in Parakou?
2) On Friday we have many deliveries and the warehouse activity is very intense, so I'd rather know exactly the details to be able to assign a delivery agent to help you with this package.

Salaam and mash' Allah! Akwoodi

-----------------------------------

- Because I like the complicated stories, I have already prepared an exchange of correspondence between the Benin manager (Mr. Akwoodi) and the Sender of the parcel (Father Elephterie).
- On this occasion, it will be revealed the fact that Mr. Ezze is actually a Christian Reverend (not a Muslim, as he has left it to be understood!).
- I intend to send our idiot the entire correspondence later, just to see how they react. Laughing

Quote:

Mr. Osuaze, I want to tell you very seriously that our brother Ezze Emanuel is Reverend and he is a Christian man, I assure you of this! He called for enrollment among members of our Church and convinced all members of his community to join the Holy Way of the Lamb. I can not send you our internal mail (there are confidential things), but please believe me I'm telling the truth. It seems strange to me that brother Ezze claimed he had another religion. Right now I will inform the Great Cardinal Euphrosie about these things and we will communicate with you as soon as possible.
---
Be blessed,
parintele Elephterie
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>
>
On 2017-12-07 13:40, Akwoodi Osuaze wrote:
> Sabah el kheir, parintele Elephterie!
>
> 1) I think it's a confusion. What does he mean to be a Reverend of the Christian community in Lagos? It's impossible.
> 2) Mr. Ezze is a Muslim, he has confirmed this and the Niger manager has asked me to make some favors for a Muslim brother.
>
> Salaam and mash'Allah! Akwoodi Osuaze / TSC Benin / Regional Manager
>
>
> From: Asistent Elefterie <snip>
> To: Akwoodi Osuaze <snip>
> Sent: Thursday, December 7, 2017 11:33 AM
> Subject: Re: Parcel TFQ64MUQ4U0XXXXX / Ezze Emanuel
>
> A good day I wish you, Mr. Osuaze! Reverend Emanuel Ezze is a brother of faith in our holy church. The Great Cardinal Euphrosie sent a courtesy package to the Christian community of Lagos as a sign of goodwill and as a fraternal aid. I am surprised that the Reverend Ezze did not get these goods until now. We do not have any new news from him either. I'll try to get in touch with him and I'll keep you up to date with the situation.
> ---
> Be blessed,
> parintele Elephterie
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> On 2017-12-06 17:55, Akwoodi Osuaze wrote:
>
> Mr. Elephterie, Sabah el kheir!
>
> 1) Your client (Mr. Ezze Emanuel) behaves very strangely and has a bizarre attitude.
> 2) He requested the transfer of the Niger shipment to Benin. My colleague in Niger has confirmed that Mr. Ezze can not cross the border because he has no freepass.
> 3) There are some suspicions about him because he refuses to cooperate and has periods in which he "disappears".
> 4) You know him well, can you talk to him and can you tell me what is his position on this issue?
>
> Salaam and mash' Allah!
> Akwoodi Osuaze / TSC Benin / Regional Manager

What do you think, worth me to try also this twist? Or wait and see if the idiot crosses the border? Laughing

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:17 am

09.00 - Parakou local time

Our idiot:

Quote:

I don't know how long it will take but maybe 2 hours or less than.

My manager:

Quote:

Mr. Ezze, Salaam! I do not understand anything.
When do you think you'll get to the warehouse? Today or tomorrow? Morning or evening?
Please be more precise in expression, because I can not block a man all day long to wait for you.

Mash'Allah! Akwoodi

Our idiot:

Quote:

We are coming today not tomorrow Friday!

My manager:

Quote:

Sir, I am completely confused, because you are not able to provide me a complete information.
Where are you now? What time do you think you're going to get here?
Akwoodi

Our idiot:

Quote:

I said we are coming today. As i speak with you am leaving my office now to Badagri where to inter car to Benin.
Which information are you talking about? I said we are coming today latest this afternoon before 1 PM.

My manager:

Quote:

Ok, I understand now. Today, in the afternoon time.

I'll be there waiting for you to come. I'll start preparing the delivery documents and I'll remove your parcel from the secured area so that the whole procedure is done as soon as you get here.

Mash' Allah!
Akwoodi

- Mr. Ezze is an idiot with whom I worked very hard. He's very very suspicious, he's always trying to stay as "low profile" and he does not want to show his face.
- It is never clear in expression and never provides additional details. I think he's been fooled at least once by somebody here.

- Even now he is lying me, because from Badagry to Parakou there is a road of ~ 7 hours (445 km) ... he can not reach the warehouse at 13.00 (now, there, the local time is 09.00)! Right?
- Do you think the idiot is already in Benin since yesterday? Laughing

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:42 am

Just for verification, at 10.00 local time, the manager of Niger (Mr. Qesha) wrote a message to our idiot.

Quote:

As Salamu Alaykum brother Ezze! I tried to speak on the phone with Akwoodi but it seems to be in a place where the phone signal is very weak. I sent him an email. What's the situation with your parcel, you've managed to pick it up until now? Masah el Kheir! Qesha

Until now (11.30 local time) the idiot did not answer.
Can this be a good sign he's on his way to Parakou? Laughing

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:43 pm

Ezze wrote:

we have called someone that knows Benin very well to bring us to the warehouse today

It is possible he plans on this friend/associate picking up the parcel so he doesn't need to make the trip.

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:57 pm

13.30 - local time

From our idiot:

Quote:

We at sime boader now, and about to enter taxi to your well house

Mr. Akwoodi:

Quote:

OK. I'm waiting for you at the warehouse. How many hours do you think you get here?
Masha' Allah! Akwoodi

- I notice a great difference between writing styles (spelling and grammar)... this last message seems to be written by someone else. WTF???
- IF "sime boader" = Seme Border, then our idiot is far away from Parakou... he just goes to Benin through the south, on his way to Cotonou.

Has not written anything in the last half hour, so we can assume he crossed the border and no longer has access to mobile communications?
Will this be my first successful safari? We will see! Laughing

------------------------

15.15 - local time

- I have no news from the idiot ... could he be in Parakou, looking for the address of the deposit? Laughing

------------------------

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:55 pm

16.00 - Benin local time

Yes, now I have the confirmation that Mr. Ezze is a REAL idiot! Laughing

Quote:

Please kindly send me your phone number for esay communication we at the Douanes Cotonou aeroport now and said parakou is very far from here.

My manager:

Quote:

I have one of my delivery agent who is right now in Cotonou and can bring you at Parakou with TSC van.
Send me a photo of you right now, in the exact place where you are!
I'll send him right there.

Masha'Allah,
Akwudi

Mr. Idiot Ezze insists on phone talking:

Quote:

We are at dpuanes cotonou aeroport and they parakou is very far, we need ur phone number to talk to u.

My manager explain again:

Quote:

Mr. Ezze, Salaam!

1) The company's regulation forbids me to talk to customers, but you already know this. Take a room there, somewhere, and I'll wait for you tomorrow morning.
2) If you will send me a photo for your proper identification, I can bring you to Parakou with one of our local agents, tommorow morning.
3) If you do not send me anything, then tomorrow you have to be here at the warehouse until 18.00.

Mash' Allah!
Akwoodi

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:31 pm

A last gesture of courtesy for the end of this wonderful day!
- The manager offers to accommodate the idiot, at his home, in Parakou.
- Of course, the idiot has to send a valid picture so the driver knows who's the "important person" to transport to Parakou!

Quote:

Salaam and Sabah el kheir!
1) As a courtesy gesture, because mon frere Qesha asked me to take care of you, I can take you to my home in Parakou tonight.
2) The company driver leaves from Cotonou in an hour and can bring you here directly to my home. It's a pretty long road, but I'll wait for you at home and tomorrow morning we'll go to the warehouse together.
3) Send me that picture so the driver knows where to come and who's that person he needs to take with him!

Mash' Allah!
Akwoodi

Our idiot insists:

Quote:

Okay this my phone unmber 975367XX we are at DOUANES COTONOU AEROPORT

My manager:

Quote:

I feel my patience is beginning to end. Why are you doing all that complicated?
Send me a picture of you now, in front of the airport!
The driver speaks only French (but you already know that!) so he must see your photo so he can recognize you!

You understand me?
Akwoodi

I told you it's hard to work with this idiot. Right? Laughing

Quote:

OK, resend the address in french Language the people here does not speak English. Ezze

My manager:

Quote:

Mon frere Ezze,

I'm tired of all your hesitations and I do not understand what's going on. I could send someone to you, yesterday. Now we do not carry out these sterile and endless discussions.
OK, note the french address of the warehouse:

L'adresse du dépôt est à 3,7 km de l'intersection RNIE6 avec la rue Rocade, après l'aéroport, en direction de Tourou. Dans l'intersection, il y a un restaurant bien connu: Le Sherif.

The idiot still claims he can not send a picture.

Quote:

Check ur email my passport is with you. I have the passport here with but my phone not it to u. I am sendind this email from person phone that leave here.

My manager reacts naturally and not insist very much:

Quote:

Okay, then we'll see you tomorrow morning at the warehouse.

Mash'Allah!
Akwudi

---------------------------------------------

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:41 pm

17.30 - Benin local time

My idiot:

Quote:

I have snaped the picture of mine in front of the airport but it can not be attach can you send any number with whatsp.

Too late, Mr. Idiot... too late! Laughing

Quote:

Salaam, frere Ezze!

It's already too late, because our delivery agent has already gone to Parakou.
I'll see you tomorrow, right at the warehouse. I wish you a very good evening!
Cotonou is a great city where you can find plenty of great places! Have fun and spend a wonderful night!

Masha' Allah!
Akwoodi

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