Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

This truly is amazing. Remind never to annoy any of you....I see what you can do! LOL

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He is in the very capable hands of Mr. Labowski now. May God have mercy on his soul.

Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 2:13 pm

He still will have to interact with us for all of the political things though, and at some point if we need to get him to move, I can go to a country conveniently adjacent to Cameroon, like Gabon. I'm sure there is a lot to do in Gabon. May not be as fun for the lad though. I also sense that he will complain a lot to me about his package, while I will give him nice encouraging words and give him ideas as to where to go to find the package.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Great video! Vote Penfold!!

Nothing from him today. It sounds like he's prepping for the trip so I will be quiet until I hear from him. Hopefully when he's wandering around trying to find the office.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I a curious as to how much that cost him. Not a big crowd by any means, and I really wanted him to give a speech. He also needed to be wearing a VOTE PENFOLD hat and t-shirt.

eta - Mr. Muttley sent him the following

Quote:

Mr. Muttley knows that popo found the present that Mr. Muttley put in package for Mr. Humphere. Mr. Feathers not happy and Mr. Feathers sending Mr. Bingo to Aferika to deal with Mr. Humphere Mr. Humphere is a dead man. Mr. Bingo has Mr. Humphere's home address. Does Mr. Humphere have any last requests?

Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 5:03 pm

Jayhawk wrote:

I don't think having this one up on Youtube is a problem The comments have been disabled and I think we would want as many views as possible to reinforce the lie that Michigan Nigerians are viewing the video.

Better hope he doesn't figure out how to use YouTube analytics, as there you can see where every single view is coming from country-wise.

Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 5:44 pm

It's fine if the views are coming from America, since the Nigerian expats would be watching it. He's been quiet, which should mean he's on the road.
Edit: Update from him and my response.

Quote:

Bro I am at the eastern part of Nigeria tomorrow,I will continue tomorrow ,bro this is serious the snorkey boys has send someone to my address since the explosion did not work,they just inform me now ,so I am very conscious of security now,as I will vacate the house immediately, please bro can I remove those video on YouTube since the case is over?I don't want them to use it to ask people around to get to me.am doing this to protect myself,please email me back before I remove them

Since code systems have worked well with him so far, I wanted to introduce one of my own:

Quote:

Security ideas: The Snorkys have a team of hackers, which is probably how they found your address. We should refer to each other by code names, like you did with Inspector Pitt. You will call me "Michael Jackson". I will call you "Billy Joel". Your wife's brother is "Elvis Presley". Cameroon is "Australia". Lagos is "Indonesia". The Snorky Boys are "fun police". For instance, if you want to say, "The Snorky Boys are following me to Cameroon", you would instead say, "the fun police are following Billy Joel to Australia". This will make it harder for the Snorky Boys to intercept messages. I will also end each message with the code phrase "Just beat it". You will end each message with the phrase "Piano man". This may be extreme, but I don't want the Snorky Boys to be able to intercept our messages. What do you think? Get back to me soon.
Just beat it

I told him to keep the cross-examination video and the latest rally video, but he could remove everything else. I sincerely hope he will go along with my code system. He's a thorough believer now that the Snorky Boys are trying to kill him, which should make this easier and funnier.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Good evening my excellency sorry for the delay to reply your email
I have been on the road since morning,just got to the eastern part of Nigeria heading to Cameroon I have been informed that snorkey boys has send someone to my home address since the bomb did not work so once am back .I will relocate .so sir for my safety can I remove those curt video on YouTube now it is over? Just to be able to protect my self

Quote:

Smart thinking Mr. Humphere. Who told you about the threat on your life and do you know which Snorky Boy they sent?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Below is the email i got from mr mutle yesterday

Mr. Muttley knows that popo found the present that Mr. Muttley put in package for Mr. Humphere. Mr. Feathers not happy and Mr. Feathers sending Mr. Bingo to Aferika to deal with Mr. Humphere Mr. Humphere is a dead man. Mr. Bingo has Mr. Humphere's home address. Does Mr. Humphere have any last requests?

BELOW IS A HINT ON THE EMAIL THAT SIS MARRY SENT ME DESCRIBING THE PARTICULAR ORPHAN THAT SEND EACH GIFT TO ME, AND HERE IS THE ONE I FOUND INTERESTING

Penelope do something with painted flowers and Orphan Timmy send a real nice pine car to you and Orphan Nelson do something with a clock that look really neat with wires and all and Orphan Bob write you a very nice card and decorate with stickers and glue and glitter and stars and there be plenty more ir if you look at this email well you will find out that the only gift that is too good to be true is is that of NELSON(A CLOCK THAT LOOK REALLY NEAT WITH WIRES)
SIR the mr muttley we are looking for is (NELSON AND THE PERSON THAT PUT THAT EXPLOSIVE TOO IS NELSON) AND THE NAME OF THE MAN THEY HAVE SEND THE MY HOUSE HERE IN NIGERIA TO KILL ME IS CALL ACCORDING TO HIM(BINGO)

Is there any way Sister could inform him about the disappearance of Nelson? He is traveling to pick up the money, and by the time we get done with him going home will not be an option.

Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 12:24 pm

Wow he did piece it together. Impressive. Maybe he should pay attention the first time instead of all the hindsight.

Sister may drop some more hints. He's really earned this vacation. I hope he enjoys it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

HOLY SHIT! THEY SENT BINGO AFTER YOU? THEY MUST REALLY HATE YOU. THAT BINGO GUY IS A BADASS KILLER. VICTIMS OF HIS THAT LIVE TELL OF HIM PLAYING A GAME HE CALLS PIGGIES WHERE HE RECITES A CHILDHOOD NURSERY RHYME WHILE CUTTING OFF THE VICTIMS FINGERS AND TOES WITH A GARDEN SHEAR. VICTIMS OF THIS GAME TELL ME THAT THEY STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES WHERE THEY WAKE UP HEARING HIS LAUGH. IF HE IS IN NIGERIA YOU NEED TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE.

BINGO ALSO IS KNOWN TO KILL HIS VICTIMS BY A METHOD HE REFERS TO AS THE RUBBER NECKLACE. WHAT HE DOES IS TIE HIS VICTIM TO A STAKE AND HE PUTS FOUR OR FIVE TRUCK TIRES OVER THE VICTIM. HE THEN DOUSES THE TIRES IN KEROSENE AND LIGHTS THEM ON FIRE. OUR MEDICAL EXAMINERS TELL ME THAT THIS IS A SLOW AND VERY PAINFUL WAY TO DIE.

Have you told the inspector about your theory that Nelson is this Mr. Muttley? You need to do this at once. They are serious about going after you. If they send Bingo that means they aren't playing games.

Mr. Humphere, I suggest you not only make tracks to get your money but you work with Sister and do some warding so these killers can't find your location. And do it fast!

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 1:24 pm

He's messaged the inspector... Exactly the same one in red posted above.

Inspector replies:

Quote:

Excellent work Mr Nyash! We're on it immediately! I'll have an arrest warrant for Nelson drawn up right away!

Sure hope he gets that warrant in time. (She's my cherry pie...)

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Yay! This little piggy went to market..... Hope he has a lovely holiday. Laughing

Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:11 pm

He sent me the same message from Muttley, and here was my response:

Quote:

he fun police are very scary, especially Bingo. Has Billy Joel heard the news stories? Where is Billy Joel? Is he in Australia yet? The fun police are trying to track Billy Joel down, so Billy Joel needs to be careful. Billy Joel needs to use the code system so the fun police do not find Billy Joel. Has Billy Joel heard of a Colombian necktie? If the fun police and Mr. Bingo give Billy Joel a Colombian necktie, Billy Joel's neck will be slashed open with a knife, and Billy Joel's tongue will be pulled through the wound. Billy Joel does not want a Colombian necktie, and Billy Joel should go to Australia as fast as possible. Michael Jackson is worried about Billy Joel's safety.
Just beat it

I sound like Muttley now. Kind of. Because he didn't mention where he was, he may still be stuck in Nigeria trying to cross the border. That would be a shame, because Mr. Bingo may figure out where the package is and try and follow him there. Now that would be bad.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Me and her did not end up well the last time

What did Cammy do to the poor lad? Yastreb, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Quote:

If you want my advice I would crawl on hands and knees to make things right with her. You have a soulless assassin hunting your ass. Swallow your pride and apologize to her for whatever it was you did and do it fast. And for Gods sake, get that package!

What plans do you have after you receive your money? Obviously going back home to Nigeria is not an option.

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 8:22 pm

^ Cammy was annoyed at Mr H's blithe disregard for her advice. She's put that behind her to support Penfold, but an apology would be much appreciated.

Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:33 pm

I'm starting to get some serious Turd vibes from this lad. Evil people are hunting him, there's money somewhere out there for him, and he's going on what will hopefully be a long safari. Somebody a while back suggested we recruit the lad for a secret spy agency. I actually think that would be a good idea at some point. At least once he surfaces in Cameroon. I haven't heard much from him today. I hope he is traveling or in jail for trying to sneak across the border.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

I've heard nothing from him since the confirmation that it arrived. Hopefully he is on the road. I will remain silent and wait for him to email me asking for better directions.

Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 4:57 pm

Update!

Quote:

Bro i have been in Cameroon since ,that delivery company does not exist.please I am stranded,send me there number here

Code:

I asked for a picture by a landmark so we have proof, but this seems like a safari to me.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

An email to GPS:

Quote:

Sir the address you gave me don't exist,I need a number to call,I am in Cameroon now

The GPS Customer Service Dept. tells him they will forward his message on to the Regional Manager in Cameroon.

Quote:

Hello sir,

From your message it sounds like you are unable to locate our office in Cameroon? Is this correct?

This email comes to the Custom Care Headquarters in the United States. I am going to forward your email to Moses Malone, our GPS Regional Manager in Cameroon. He will be in contact with you regarding the status of your package and the location of our office.

If you could please send me your current location I will forward the information to him and let him know.

Thank you for using our Award Winning Shipping Service!

I just updated the location of the package on the website. It's now back in Yaounde, 150 miles further east. Very Happy

Moses will clear up some things very soon I am sure...

Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 5:10 pm

He sends this to the inspector who has nothing to do with his delivery.

Quote:

Sir I am in Cameroon now but that delivery company does not exist here

Hmmph... Inspector is busy tracking Nelson.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

I am in camp yabasi in Douala cameroon

Quote:

I need address and phone number,is this scam?

The Customer Care Department assures him that they have reached out to Moses and he will be in contact shortly.

Quote:

Hello Sir,

Again, this is Susan, and I am based at the Customer Care Department in the United States. I'm afraid that I only have access to the information that I have on my computer system. I have never been to Cameroon. I only have the information that I have already provided.

I have send an urgent email to Mr. Moses Malone, the Regional Manager in Cameroon. He will be in touch shortly and will be able to provide you additional details.

Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:16 pm

Here's what he last sent me:

Quote:

So am I suppose to stay back here,when I don't have any money left with me?how do I go back to Nigeria now,bro the delivery company will have to send it to Nigeria using dhl if this is true,first thing in the morning ,I will find my way home

I reminded him to check the delivery company website. Hopefully he will realize that the only way to get his package is to find a way to go to Yaounde.
I wonder what his wife's brother is thinking, if he is still with him.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Uh oh. He doesn't like my Gmail address..

Quote:

In as much as I don't know why a company like yours could be using free email like gmail.now you gave me wrong address now you want me to go yawende,I am going back to Nigeria ,if this is real,use dhl from Cameroon to send them to me in Nigeria,but until then,this is beggening to look like scam to me

Hopefully that is an empty threat. Obviously GPS can't do that...

Quote:

Sir,

We use Gmail because it is very reliable email service. It is the most popular email service on the planet. We do have an internal email system. If it is important to you, I will have Moses Malone contact you using our internal email system.

The package is in our custody. We have been contracted with the sender to deliver it to you. If you wanted DHL, you should have told the sender of the package to use DHL. We are more than capable of delivering your package to you. I do not like that you are calling me a scam. I have no idea why you cannot find the office, but that is not my problem. Please be patient and wait for Moses to contact you. And please check your attitude when you are talking to me!

It's 9:00 pm in Cameroon. He's not going anywhere yet.

Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 8:06 pm

Well done! Waiting on that definitive proof from the idiot!

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