Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:05 pm

Good grief...what is Nelson up to...?

Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:29 pm

No idea, but I bet it'll be a blast! Wink

Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:28 pm

Somebody has been busy:

Quote:

Bro good morning and how are you today? am sure your weekend was awesome,
Bro please i went to banks today up to 6 different banks to know the process of cashing an international check here in Nigeria but 5 told me they don't cash check and 1 said they can, but i will have to know the bank the check is coming from and the type of check it is.
so bro i know you have been very helpful to me, can you tell me the name of the bank, the check is coming from and the type of check it is?
Also i have been tracking the parcel now and it is still in new York , i don't know why. do you have idea why the parcel is in new York up till now? because i found out it takes 13 hours to fly from Detroit to Cameroon?thanks

He's so absorbed in this fantasy that it's ridiculous. I didn't give him any specific details about the bank or package, but emphasized that he needs to go to Cameroon soon. Even if he's not traveling now, he's at least been busy running around Lagos. It would be lovely if Cammy could come back into the bait, but I'm not sure what the best way would be. Maybe just mentioning that she senses dark spirits in Lagos and he should leave.

Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:46 pm

Maybe Cammy is able to sense the explosive device, alert the authorities and get it removed from the shipment. That couldn't possibly take more than 3-4 days I would think.

Then it would have to be sent back to Michigan for rescan, inspection, and reshipment. He should have it by next week.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

It's a freakin certified check! Any bank will cash it.

Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 8:06 pm

Here's what he sent me a few hours ago:

Quote:

Yes my wife brother said he will help me with the transportation money once the package arrives the bank name I was talking about is the name of the bank this check you send me will be withdrawn from,I mean the bank in your country ? Also the bank here said that I must open a current account with them before they can cash the check for me once the confirm the source of the check is legit,so I was thinking since Mr penfold told me that sis Mary included some cash and he also said you included some cash too but he is not sure that I should confirm from you,so if that is true,It will be easy for me to take the raw cash from there to get international passport and open and account with them,and also the minimum amount to open account with them is 100 dollar,before they will cash it,they also told me it will take 21days before they can cash it.what do you think?

I didn't give him any specific details, but at this point I really have to wonder how much time he's spent harassing various banks. When is the package scheduled to arrive?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Is he so excited about the cash he failed to notice that Mr Mutley put something suspicious in the envelope?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He sent me pretty much the same message

Quote:

my excellency sir , i have not receive the parcel yet and from the tracking number given to me, the parcel is still in new York up till now, and they said it will get to me within 3-21 days, i don't know what that means and while it will take that much time because i have a friend in another city that specialize in making campaign videos so i am planing to hook up with him to get you a quality job for your campaign and i have already informed him about it . but i can only be able to finance the project when i get all that money you send me, that is why i have not done the video yet but as soon as i receive the money , your campaign video is the first thing i will do, and also since you told me the money is coming in check, i went to 6 different banks here in Nigeria to know to how to cash the check but five said they don't cash check from usa , now the only one that accepted to cash it said that, i will need to find out the name of the bank the check is coming from, i mean the name of the bank on the check, and also know the type of check it is and when they verify the success of the check, they will pay me . So my excellency, can you let me know the name of the bank and the type of check it sir? please don't be offended.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Let me make sure I understand. I do everything in my power to help you and all you do is complain. The state of Michigan sent you a certified check for $100,000 and all you can do is bitch and moan about your silly little problems. What did the delivery company say about the delivery time, or did you take the time to ask them? I also find it amazing that you can't be bothered to film a political rally for me. Nothing big, just some Nigerians holding some signs and chanting WE WANT PENFOLD! Despite all I have done for you all you seem to do is complain.

And remember

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:21 am

This is kind of interesting. Here's what he plans to do with his money:

Quote:

Yes bro, after your campaign video, i will take a few weeks off, then i will make a solid plan to establish my musical studio, open two different business beside music, then after that , i start working on my music video, Bro do you have any solid business you can suggest to me beside music? i will so much appreciate your suggestion

He wants suggestions? I have a contact at Sotheby's who would really love a new supplier of African art. When Mr. Labowski comes back from his camping trip, he will return to a bunch of desperate email from Mr. Humphere I hope.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Sir deep inside my heart i can not complain i am very grateful to you to God who made me, i just dont see anything wrong talking to you as a father to me, am sorry if i do make you feel bad sometimes, sir this your campagn is big and not something i will just use phone and record no, i want to bring the best that i can do please do not be offended, i will do it with all my heart and i will bring something good enough , understand me sir

I love how he sucks up to Penfold

Quote:

So your plan is to get the campagin video to me AFTER the primary elections? FUCKING BRILLIANT! Don't bother. And the next time you think you need a favor mail somebody who gives a damn.

VOTE PENFOLD!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Glad to read that he saw the package in New York. That means he is logged into the GPS website and tracking its exact location without me prompting him to do it.

The package has now moved closer... currently in Algeria.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Sir deep inside my heart i can not complain i am very grateful to you to God who made me, i just dont see anything wrong talking to you as a father to me, am sorry if i do make you feel bad sometimes, sir this your campagn is big and not something i will just use phone and record no, i want to bring the best that i can do please do not be offended, i will do it with all my heart and i will bring something good enough , understand me sir

Quote:

So your plan is to get the campagin video to me AFTER the primary elections? FUCKING BRILLIANT! Don't bother. And the next time you think you need a favor mail somebody who gives a damn.

Quote:

No sir please I don't want you to feel that way ,tomorrow since it is that urgent I will talk with your assistance to see how I can get it done,all I wanted was to give my best,am sorry that I made you feel that way ,this your campaign means a lot to me because opportunities like this don't come always so it is a grate honor to me

Quote:

And just what the fuck does my assistant have to do with all of this? Just grab some people, make some signs, have the people chant WE LOVE PENFOLD and send me the video. It's not very complicated.

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:25 pm

You forgot to mention the hats and T-shirts. He's been pretty quiet today. Let's hope that means he's busy trying to organize the rally. If he went to Port Harcourt to have his friend help him, it would be so much easier. It would also be over 200 miles for a mini-safari.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I haven't heard diddly from him for the past day and a half. I wonder if that means he is traveling?

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Package is getting closer. Now in Niamey, Niger.

The moron sent this email through the customer service link on the GPS website:

Quote:

Hi am mr humphere and a parcel has been send to me with your service from detroit to DOUALA but i found out that flight from Detroit to DOUALA cameroon takes only 13 hours , now why am i been told that i will get my parcel from 3 - 21 days of dispatch? why that long time?

As tempting as it is to slap him hard for his assumption that it would only take 13 hours to get a parcel to Cameroon, I decided to keep it professional.

Quote:

Good day,

In regards to your question below. I have tracked the current status of your package. It is currently in Niamey, Niger enroute to Douala, Cameroon. Anticipated delivery is within 2 days.

You will be emailed when your parcel arrives in Douala.

Thank you for using GPS Award Winning Customer Service!

Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:30 pm

Here's what he has been busy thinking about:

Quote:

Bro I have been going around since morning to see how to make this video possible ,without the help of my friend,I can not archive it,and the only way to archive this is to get to him and I can not be able to work with him without the finance ,which I can only be able to do once I get the package,bro this thing is hanging on my neck at this critical time,I don't want you or mr penfold to think that I am ungrateful or that I don't want to do this small thing,but I can not archive this without the finance ,bro am telling you the whole trueth,had it been that this campaign is still ahead,I will get you more than you ask for,but with this short time it is required,I can not be able to deliver because I am limited financially until the package arrives,which bank here also told me it will take 21days to cash the check,bro as this thing is like this now,what do I do?

The obvious solution is for him to go to Cameroon now, pick up the package as soon as it arrives, and then head straight to Port Harcourt. I don't think he will like that idea, but it's probably the best.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Can't he do a video with his phone?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Mr Humphere

My assistant Mr. Matthew tells me that you refuse to provide me with a rally video to assist in my campaign. I am shocked. After everything I have done for you I cannot believe you will not help my campaign. I was talking with Donnie last night and he too is shocked at your behavior. He asked me why I keep in contact with you after the way you have treated me and I could not honestly give him an answer. The Michigan Nigerian vote is critical to my campaign and I think the least you could do is provide me a rally. You should be ashamed.

Vote Penfold!

Quote:

Sir I am surprise at this email,that information your assistance gave you
Is not correct ,that was not what and how I discuss that with him,the time line that am been given to do it is short and i try to go around to day to see how to make this video possible,but I can not archive it alone,so if I have a little time while coming back from Cameroon I will stop by at pH and get the video that was how I can get it,so I told your assistance that with shot time,I can not archive it because I am the one here and I know how things is here.sir I can not denier you anything,I am trying to make sure we remain friends,sir I am trying to be honest to you that's why I explain things to you even though you get upset with me sometimes,but because I know you don't understand how life is here,I don't allow them to change my mood,sir I did not refuse to do it but all am saying is because of the time frame,how I wish I can make understand me sir,please do not push me out of your life because of this,it is not how you see it sir

Quote:

All it takes is you using your cell phone to record the rally for me. My media people can clean it up to make it look great. Donnie was right. You don't care about anyone but yourself. You have your money so as far as you are concerned I can go to Hell. I am going to lose this election because of you. After everything I have done for you I cannot believe you would treat me like this. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 12:28 am

His complaint to me:

Quote:

No bro,Mr penfold is not happy with me,he said you told him that I have refuse to do the video,bro all am doing is to be honest,I know well how things are here which I have explain to you but it breaks my heart to know that am not still yet understood ,my wife brother said the money he was hoping to use for our transportation is not coming,now am looking for someone to borrow from and give him my generator as collateral just to go to Cameroon so bro in this kind situation,how can I archive that video now?the people that I will call,I must pay them,shirt ,I will pay,bro please if there is a way you can explain to Mr penfold better than telling him that I refuse to do it,will be appreciated by me,thank you

My response:

Quote:

I gave him the information you sent to me. He's just really stressed about this because it's his campaign, and he worries that this is his one chance for glory. You know he doesn't like delays, I don't like it when he complains about delays either, but c'est la vie. It just happens. As soon as the package arrives in Cameroon, go there. It's our only shot at getting all of this done.

He needs to do less complaining and more traveling. I have the feeling that as soon as the package arrives, he will leave, but this must all be very stressful for him. Getting loans and wasting all of his money to do more and more things for people over the Internet. I wonder if that rings any bells for him.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I don't know why he thinks next week will be any better than this week.

Quote:

Sir if i tell you that i slept last night, am lying, the whole word you said keep ringing on my head, sir i want you to know that doing this video for you is a grate honor to me, do you have any idea how we see you Americans in our country? to us, you people are gods, why on earth will i refuse such offer, sir doing this for you is something for me to boast of, Now you said i have collected my money that why i don't care, sir that is not true i care more that you know, beside the money has not gotting to the country for me to pick it up yet , sir it is not the money, see what the problem is, i understand that your video editors will clean it up for you, but this people that i will call to fill in and chant for me can not come without me given them something, that is how things works in our country,am trying to make you understand my challenge on this,i dont even have transport with me now to go to the next country to pick up the package, please sir i know you are a man of understanding please give me till next week, i will deliver, also i want you to know that you have been destine for this governor ship seat and it can not be taking away from you either with Nigerians or not, your occupying that seat that is all i know. please sir give me till next week. thank you

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Mr. Hump here

I spoke with Donnie this afternoon and he is appalled by your behavior. You do realize that I have television ads scheduled to run next week and you have fucked me. I am very angry, as is Donnie, and he promises that your failure to assist my campaign will have consequences. All you need to do is film yourself handing out some Vote For Penfold fliers and my staff can do the rest. Your reluctance to help goes beyond the pale and is something that neither Donnie nor myself will quickly forget.

VOTE PENFOLD!

I really want that video of him campaigning for Penfold dammit.

I just might get that video. Not the full one like I hoped, but at least one of him campaigning for Penfold

Quote:

OK sir ,am sorry for the way you feel OK,I will do what you said and you will get it latest Sunday,please dont be offended let me get you right,you mean mean video my self sharing vote for penfold flier ? As In recording my self and the people am handing it over? Is there any word I should be saying while handing them the papper!? Also please tell mr Donnie that am not a bad person please

Quote:

Yes, a video of you shaking hands and handing out VOTE FOR PENFOLD fliers and telling the people why I am the right person for Governor of Michigan. And to you it is "President Trump" not Donnie

VOTE PENFOLD

Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 11:42 pm

He's going to start filming tomorrow:

Quote:

OK bro I plan to start tomorrow,please this my first time can you ,send me a clue on how to start with my speech? And also the speech is it will while shearing the fliers or after then I will make the speech? I don't want to mess things up for mr penfold that is why am asking so many questions

If this turns out well, it will be great. When will the package arrive in Cameroon? Hopefully he will have motivation to leave Nigeria after this video, if not because he has to flee an angry mob.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Mr. Muttley sends him a short message

Quote:

BOOM!

Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 12:06 am

This may take some coordination with Mr Labowski but perhaps the inspector can figure out there is a bomb in the package. It can be intercepted by authorities in whatever godforesaken city it's in. Then it can either be delayed for a while or have to be sent back to Michigan for reshipping.

Inspector can then be credited with saving Humphere's life. He better be appreciative.

Mr L, let me know how you want to handle this.

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