Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Tomorrow's Beaver Island newspaper headline:

"Who you gonna call? GOATFUCKER!"

Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:49 pm

We have been chatting about travel plans. We have decided on either Madagascar or Tunisia. I doubt he will end up going anywhere, but I want to plant the idea of traveling. Maybe he will want to pick up the money in one of those places:

Quote:

Bro i just pray for god to make it possible for me to meet with you there, it will be the best thing that have ever happen to me. am serious

He wants to buy a plane ticket, which will cost at least a thousand USD.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Guilty! Guilty!!Guilty!

By God I did it! I was playing your cross examination video for the jury and I was starting to get nervous. They seemed not to be paying too much attention to your video and they were restless and shifting in their seats. This is usually not a good sign. Then the head of the jury stood up and said "Your honor, can you please turn the video off?". The judge instructed the video to be turned off and the head juror said "Your honor we have all made up our minds and there is no reason to go on. We find the criminal Fellatio aka Feathers guilty as sin." I have never seen anything like this in all my years as a Prosecutor. The judge asked each juror if he/she were sure, and each person answered "Absolutely. We have seen enough goat porn and we want to go home.". So the judge pronounced him guilty and ended the trial. Now normally we would go on to the penalty phase of the trial but the head juror said "Your honor, we would like to fix the sentence as DEATH for the criminal Fellatio. The sooner he is executed the safer we will all be.".

I can't believe I pulled it off. Despite your shitty testimony. Damn I'm good. After the trial I received a phone call from President Trump himself congratulating me on the work I did and asking me to run for Governor of Michigan. I am thinking it over.

My long ordeal is finally over! Fellatio is GUILTY!

Now he gets his money. I sure hope the delivery service used to send him his check is reliable.

On a completely unrelated note, Welcome to Team Humphere Mr. Laboski and his very reliable delivery service. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I love this lad. He is so bought into the fantasy

Quote:

Sir i slept off, and and i just got up now and saw your email alert on my phone , to tell you am happy that you did it, is an understatement, happy is not enough to explain how i feel. and am happy that despite my inexperience on curt and how it works, God did not allow me to mess things up for you, trust me i woundnt have forgiven my self if you have lost this case because of me,Sir you are my hero, and should in case you made up your mind to run for the Governorship of Michigan , is there any way i can vote even though am not an American? how i wish i can see your face and see how you look like when your happy , Thanks for your hard work and for keeping me updated, Now i think the spirit of my wife will rest in peace sir. Good night and have a sweet dreams.

I would think some campaigning would help.

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:01 am

I want to be chief of staff! I'm working with him on figuring out the payment details. He wants equivalent cash instead of the iPhone. Could he make a testimonial for an advertisement?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ You got it. I have to get elected first. I am sure a testimony video with him holding a sign reading PENFOLD FOR GOVERNOR would do wonders. Or maybe holding a sign reading PENFOLD IS TOUGH ON CRIME and telling about how Penfold is responsible for putting the criminal Feathers on death row. IF I LIVED IN MICHIGAN I KNOW I WOULD VOTE FOR PENFOLD could be his ending line.

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:42 am

Don't forget PENFOLD FOR SUPREME OVERLORD and MATTHEW FOR GRAND POOBAH. I also have an official invitation to Africa:

Quote:

Yes bro to avoid stress,let it be replace with the equivalent cash,thanks a lot .that means I shall see you in Africa.bro welcome to Africa!!!!! I will wait for further instruction

I'm surprised he is willing to travel so far to meet me. What could possibly go wrong? I hope I don't get kidnapped by Snorky Boys.

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:54 am

And to justify the shipment, Sister Mary can throw in her $9000 (she's wealthy) and the orphans all made thank you gifts for Humphere for reading all the books. Toss in 100k in currency and a shipment is necessary.

I'll find a way to get back in my bait! You guys have done more than I ever could have imagined! Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Thank you for your kind words. Maybe it is the bourbon talking but the thought of Governor Penfold is starting to sound more and more appealing. I wish you could vote for me but only the citizens of the good state of Michigan are allowed to vote. I would be very appreciate if you could find it in your heart to do some campaigning for me thought. I think I will have Mr. Matthew be my campaign manager and I am sure he has some ideas. Is this something you are interesting in doing to help me out?

I want a damn parade of people holding PENFOLD FOR GOVERNOR and PENFOLD TOUGH ON CRIME signs.

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:13 am

You forgot to mention that he would be paid very well for his efforts if he can get a suitable amount of supporters. He should have to make a petition containing the signatures of all the people supporting you for governor. This bait is primed to set a record for doing the largest amount of weird things. We have audio books, police informants, Satanism, video testimonials, and maybe now a political campaign. All he needs to do now is make a series of YouTube Igbo lessons, and this will be the perfect bait. Maybe a few tattoos and safaris too.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ Even better than money he would have a strong political ally. One who could vouch for his character to potential new clients.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Good morning sir and thank you too for not given up on me even when you saw all my weakness written all over me. because at a time i was thinking that you hate me and that was when i started asking your assistance but he told me that you don't but all your looking for was the best for this case, so thank god the case is over and this side of you now is pretty cool, Sir i don't know anything about politics because our leaders over here are a kind of disgrace to that profession, so since i know too well that i can not vote for you and i can not sponsor financially, i think i will give you what i have, which is praying for you and that can take you to any point you wish to get. once again sir, congratulation

Oh, I think we can do much more than just praying for me.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Oh my Lord! You lot are all so wicked you're going straight to hell!! Love it! This bait is so doing my heart good. Thanks guys. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:42 pm

He's willing to help record stuff for us:

Quote:

Bro he told me about it,when he finally made up his mind on it,if there is any recording involve,I think I might be able to handle it,my problem on that will be language because I don't know if you Americans understand our English clearly

This isn't enough. I want a full political rally in Nigeria, with everyone chanting "Make Michigan Great Again" and "Penfold For Supreme Overlord". I'm not sure if that's pushing the "no politics" rule, but it is a memorable and effective campaign slogan. He's also a bit nervous about receiving the money because he apparently doesn't have money to travel. I'm sure he will find a way once he realizes the package is waiting for him.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I want him to lead a Penfold for Governor campaign rally, dammit.

Sometimes you bait the lad and sometimes the lad baits himself. I kind of figured after the conviction of Feathers Penfold would go away, and threw the line about the phone call from Donald Trump and running for Governor only to show how self-absorbed Penfold is. But our hero picked up on it and changed things. I'm not sure how willing he will be to help Penfold campaign for Governor, as there is no money in it for him. Then again, maybe he really is thankful that Penfold convicted Feathers despite him repeatedly screwing up that he is willing to help get Penfold elected. Who knows?

And to think this bait started off with a lad reading stories to orphans to help a sweet nun (and to make a pile of money). Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:05 pm

He is willing to help film for us. He has a friend in Port Harcourt who is a movie director and can gather the people for the rally. I am working with Mr. Labowski on getting him to travel to receive his package. He gets to choose from such convenient locations as Windhoek, Antananarivo, and N'Djamena. I'm sure he will love it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ That would be great! Remember, campaign laws prohibit paying for these demonstrations. Very Happy

We need some good sign ideas.

NIGERIANS FOR PENFOLD

PENFOLD FOR GOVERNOR

DON'T BE LEFT IN THE COLD. VOTE PENFOLD!

PENFOLD! THE MAN WHO PUT FELLATIO AWAY!

MAKE MICHIGAN GREAT AGAIN! VOTE PENFOLD!

IF I LIVED IN MICHIGAN I WOULD VOTE PENFOLD!

Other ideas?

(Has anyone ever had a lad offer to help in a political campaign? This may be a first)

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:16 am

How about: PENFOLD - HE WILL WORK AS HARD FOR YOU AS HE DID ON FELLATIO

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 10:16 am

PENFOLD - PURE GOLD FOR MICHIGAN

PENFOLD - HE'LL BLOW CRIME AWAY

BLOW CRIME AWAY! VOTE FOR PENFOLD!

PENFOLD! HE'S OUR MAN!
HE'S THE BEST FOR FOR MICHIGAN!!

PENFOLD - HARD ON CRIME
VOTE PENFOLD!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Mr. Humphere. Thank you for the kind words. I promise when I get elected I will not forget the little people that got me there. I went to visit the criminal Feathers last night. I am going to be a happy man the day that kid dies. When I got to the prison he was sitting in his heavily warded cell, eyes closed and muttering something in Latin over and over. Without opening his eyes he said "Hello Mr. Penfold, or should I say Governor Penfold.". How the fuck did he know about my decision to run for Governor? That kid freaks me out. Then he asked about you. He wanted to know if you had fucked any good goats lately. I told him that the death chamber would teach him a little respect.

He really hates you. He said when he escaped the first thing he was going to do was hunt you down and kill you slowly. When I told him that he was in a maximum lockdown facility awaiting execution he started to laugh this low, guttural laugh. When I left I told the guards to double the warding in his cell. You can't be too careful when it comes to this monster.

PENFOLD! HE'S OUR MAN!
HE'S THE BEST FOR FOR MICHIGAN!!

I like that as a chant. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 11:36 am

PENFOLD! HE'S OUR MAN!
HE'S THE MAN FOR MICHIGAN!

That might work too.

PENFOLD
THE MAN WITH A PLAN FOR MICHIGAN

PENFOLD
NO WEAKNESS
NO COMPROMISE
NO TURNING BACK

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I forgot the obvious one

LADS FOR PENFOLD

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:40 pm

Do we have a new character? I actually have no idea who this is:

Quote:

Bro i got this email below last night. what should i do about it?

Mr Humphere,

Please excuse my intrusion but my name is Jenna and I am a journalist for the Beaver Island Post and Dispatch. I have been covering the recent trial that you were a key witness to and I have to tell you the entire area is wanting more of you! You are the great hero who brought down a Snorky Boy and our readers want to know more about you!

If you would be willing to help this journalist out, I would be sincerely appreciative! Rumor has it that Penfold is going to run for governor and you might be involved. Given your popularity in this area the people are thirsty for more information on you! You are the most famous man in Northern Michigan at the moment and it would be an honor to cover your story.

I do hope you will get back to me! I was hoping I could send you some questions if you were interested!

Jenna Catcall
Beaver Island Post and Dispatch

I told him that there was a 90% chance she was fine, and a 10% chance she was a spy for the competition or the Snorky boys. I want him to answer more forms and make more testimonials, and if he starts to believe that Snorkys could be anywhere, that would be very nice too.

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:20 pm

That's my new character! I've been waiting for a response! I have to get more involved in this! Inquiring minds want more Humphere!

Well, you posted Jenna's inquiry. Sister Mary sends a reassuring letter...

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr hump here,

I hath not thought ye such a famous man but you are indeed! Miss Jenna from the news come to interview me and she say you the most talked about person! How lucky am I to know you! But I hope you don't mind she ask if I have your email and she promised not to email too much but she always been so nice to me and my orphans and she so beautiful and she on the news every day and she says that you very popular!

But it almost that time when our older orphans go off to college in the fall so we enjoying our last weeks with them and the skies been so beautiful and Farmer Jethro say his crops coming in nicely and it be just wonderful around here if I do declare so myself and I do. I hope you doing well and I hope you able to stay famous!

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:28 pm

We had a little issue about how much money he would be receiving, and he sent me this:

Quote:

God bless you bro am sorry that i can not be able to show you how grateful and happy i am to have someone like you over there because with mr penfold been so busy , i don't know what i should have done without you. Bro i plead with you to do what ever it takes to make sure my reward gets to me intact . and when that happens, you will be my hero and i will tell all my children i mean my son and other once to come about you, as a man that brought life to us, bro since we have been this close now, can you trust me well enough to send me any of your picture? am just thirsty to see you, but if you cant, no problem i understand.

Wow...

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