Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Mr. Humphere you exasperate me. I saw the video of the criminal Feathers' escape. He went into a trance and smiled as the door to his cell opened. Four, countem FOUR guards arrived and pulled their guns on him. He waved his hands and the guards pointed the guns at each other and pulled their triggers. Four, countem FOUR dead guards. The criminal Feathers simply smiled and strolled out the prison. Mr. Humphere, I want very much to help you but I know that any help I give you will not work as the demon Feathers (and he is a DEMON!) will invoke his curse and it will fail. And somehow YOU seem not to understand this. Good day to you sir, and remember

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:11 am

The lad gets back to Louis:

Quote:

Mr Louis Sedgewick am sorry for the late reply.you can contact me on this email it is more secure than the one you email me before, below is the last email you send me, just for you to be sure it is me <snip> you can send me the contract for me to see. thank you

Louis will send along the contract tomorrow.

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:22 am

Yes he is clearly using Google the last week or so. So we need to be careful.

I'm thinking he's figuring it out...

To Jenna (at 3am Nigeria time)

Quote:

Nice to hear from you but so far am not happy because of the money that i never recived but no one is doing anything to resolve the case

Jenna doesn't know the full story...

Quote:

Wait, what is going on?

Quote:

nothing is going just that non of this thing were real and you are not real too you are part of them. i curse the day i met you all.please let this be the last email you will send me . you are and the beavers island are monsters

Ouch...

Quote:

Wait, what are you talking about? Are you feeling okay?

I think he's putting the pieces together. We need to reel him in.

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:36 am

He seems to like saying that whenever he doesn't have everything going his way. This has to be the fourth or fifth time he's given an ultimatum like this. I think he needs something nice to happen. Either that, or Feathers needs to tell him all about the confusion he is causing. If he were to be told that his paranoia is being caused by Feathers' juju, that could really mess with him and get him back on track.
He's also insinuating that I opened the Henry Wells account simply to extract information from him:

Quote:

how come that your friend never email me again, or can i said you open that email yourself to get information from me,how about that and why will you do such?

This confuses me, and I will expect clarification when he wakes up tomorrow.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He's sounding pretty pathetic. To Penfold:

Quote:

I wish you success sir and everything that i lost, any body that is involve in this game that made me lost all i have leaving me with nothing , will definatly lose all that i lost a million times
thank you for your sincerity and at this point i will never bother you again, i will move on and i am sure i must succeed nothing will change that,

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:57 am

OK fine. I was trying to get rid of a character but so be it. Smile

From financier Henry Wells

Quote:

Kind sir,

Please accept my sincere apologies. I confess I've been working overtime on some multi million dollar deals here in Japan and your emails slipped to the bottom of the stack.

I've been waiting for a friend to give me advice on your music because honestly I do more of the financials. You indicated that you were going to start a new business which I can help you with, but improving musical talent is beyond my knowledge.

I can assure you that I will help the best way possible but I am not sure exactly what you want from me. Please advise and we can go from there.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Feathers hadn't taunted him for a few days. Just so he doesn't forget

Quote:

howdy enema y yu not rite me any mo??? is yu made at me cus i nose yu is a chefe??? enema dis was bidnes until i finds out dat it was yu and not my charleeze i was taking to enama dat makes it person all so i makes it my lif wok 2 mak sur yu suffor cus yu is my enema

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

And Penfold says hsi goodbyes

Quote:

Mr. Humphere I wish you happiness and good fortune, but beyond that I wish for you the ability to take responsibility for your actions and to stop blaming everyone else for your problems. The way I understand things, the person to blame is the person staring back at you in the mirror.

VOTE PENFOLD!

That one should drive him nuts. Every time he gets close to the brass ring it is pulled away, and here is Penfold telling him that it is his own fault.

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:41 pm

I have not heard anything from him recently. He may be close to abandoning us. He is wildly paranoid right now and suspects that we are all working together to steal the package from him. I suspect he has twigged.

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:56 pm

Yup I think he's gone. I have one more idea for him that involves a secretive individual plotting to destroy Penfolds chance of winning the election but I don't foresee him answering.

The quest for my next greatest lad begins this weekend.

Sure hope I'm not expected to produce anything this good every time! But I'll be working at it and will post again when I get something good.

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:30 pm

Post #1111 in this thread...

Sister Mary gives a final message... (I wrote it before he twigged but I hadn't sent it until now as to not send a message from every character at once.)

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Hump Here with the deep voice,

But you be so wrong! There is good all around! Just looking out my window onto glorious Beaver Island I see flowers and streams and the beautiful lake and wonderful orphans and Farmer Jethro on his tractor he name john deere and boats in the harbor and of course the sweet baby jesus amen. All good things.

I tell you we been praying for you and that be the truth and perhaps there is something specific we pray about you will let me know I have no doubt indeed.

If that's the end, I think that's a good way to leave it.

ETA --

And as a side note, if anyone thought we were taking up 100% of his time, you're wrong. He's been actively sending more scam emails throughout this bait, as searching for some of his alter egos proves.

One of the best things about this bait is the number of characters involved. No doubt Humphere is pouring over his emails struggling to figure out how many REAL victims are part of our bait, and marking them to ignore. And that's a good thing!

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:17 pm

Well, Sister Mary is still real to him... Smile

Quote:

THANK YOU MADAM. WHAT YOU SHOULD PRAY FOR IS FOR JESUS TO GIVE ME HIS GRACE

Not sure how many other characters are still in the running. She may be the only one.

Hmmmm.....

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:11 pm

If/when Mr H finally gives up (the quitter!), maybe ask Big X to phone chain him, and the rest of us use his name and other details as a dollar-chopper, so he'll still think he's cursed in some way.

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:28 am

That would be amusing. We still have his videos, so we could use that for something or other. We could even direct angry lads to him to complain about their dollar chops. Also, I wonder if he would be willing to join the Snorky boys after all they've done to him. He may decide that if he can't beat them, he may as well join them.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

If this bait truly is over, I would like to say it has been a pleasure. Lake, thank you so much for allowing me and my wacky characters to be involved in this crazy adventure. Every day I would wake up and check the board to see what new directions our lad would steer us. Mr. L, it's always a pleasure to bait with you. MrMystery, please stick around. Your contributions to this epic was enormous. Yastreb, I'm sorry I couldn't' convince our lad to deal with Cammy. It's always a pleasure to see what you do. Big X, maybe our lad hasn't given up on the animal porn angle. I sure hope so. I would love to see what you would do with his application. If I left anyone else out, I apologize. This has been a ball.

There were times I would read his emails and laugh out loud. I cracked myself up in the exchange between Pastor B and the lad over the meat. Hey, if you can't entertain yourself what'the point, right? I don't think I ever laughed as much as I did when Feathers was chatting with the lad after Feathers was discovered and ran away from the orphanage. It was a blast.

If anyone ever needs someone to chop a dollar the felonious Feathers is always available. Feathers is my favorite character and I love pulling him out whenever I can. I'm hoping this one isn't entirely over, but if it is it has been a wild ride.

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 3:26 am

^ He has not given up on the animal porn angle!

Sorry I couldn't post earlier, folks. I was at work, then out. Here is my correspondence with the lad for the day:

Louis tells Mr Humphere that he will send along a questionnaire:

Quote:

Yes of coarse, we can use any email address you want! Your the model, so we will cater to your pleasure. We know how to treat our stars rite here at the magazine.

I know last time I said that I would send the contract over next, but I got a little too exited and I forgot a step. Mr Joe Bob remanded me today that I still need to send you the modeling questionnaire to get some background information about you before we can sign the contract. Is that ok with you? If so, I will send it over as soon as I can!

The lad cuts to the chase:

Quote:

WHAT INFORMATION DO YOU NEED

Louis tells him:

Quote:

The information we will be looking for in the questionnaire is mostly to give our readers background information about you so they will feel like they know you when they see your pictures. We want to know about you, the animals you love, and your thoughts on issues affecting the community. You will see what I mean when I send you the questionnaire. I am still getting it ready for you. Please be patience and I will send it along shortly.

The lad suddenly has some conditions:

Quote:

MrLouis have it in mind that i am not given you any upfront information, that is not what your boss told me, you send the contract then i look into it and i will sign once am ok with all, then you or your boss make and upfront payment as your boss told me earlier before now, so without the upfront fee, your not getting anything from me, because i am tired of lies, if you refuse to do it my way, let this be the last email you or your boss will ever send me.
thank you

Louis will be baffled by this on Tuesday.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

He's still talking to Customer Care:

Quote:

Susan you can send it to Lagos Nigeria, use dhl or ups courier company to send it to me in lagos nigrian then when it arrives in lagos you give me address of the dhl or ups outlet to pick it, i dont want to go and stand on the road waiting for a dispatch agent, i dont trust anyone now after all that has happend, so email me with more details, thank you so much susan

I'm going to move this along slowly as to not put him on edge. I suspect that he's going to drop some, but not all of our characters. He's just so invested. The safari really did break him down..

Quote:

Hello sir,

Yes I understand your frustration with all this. I want to tell you that Mr. Malone was sacked this morning due to the way that he handled this job. We are very disappointed in him and he in no way represents the Five Star Customer Service that we stand for here at GPSe.

I am going to see what I can do. We legally cannot use UPS or DHL because the package has been contracted to be shipped through our company. I however will do everything in my power to arrange for a driver to meet with you in the most convenient location possible. I will make sure the package gets to Nigeria. You have my word on that. I will speak with you soonest.

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:59 am

You guys really forked this guy over, even if he does decide he's done with you all now. It was a fun bait to read.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He wants money just to answer a few questions? He's a star, but not THAT big of a star. YET! I think we broke him and he is out of warranty. I can't remember the last time I saw a lad this destroyed. I do not think he enjoyed his vacation.

eta - Feathers send a farewell message

Quote:

howdy enema how yu bene??? did u mis me???? did u hav fun on trip 2 camerune???? i jelus i nevar gets 2 tak vacashon it al ways wok wok wok wok enema i tels mr bingo 2 leve yu a loan yu is 2 much fun 2 play wit hey enema i gots sirprise 4 yu 1 of dat border gards at camerun was snorky boy mr dastardly can yu gess wich 1 it was???? he shur had fun wit yu enema

enema i gots odder tings 2 tak car of so i not be sneding u male so much hey yu not ny onlee enema yu nose i check on yu frum tim to tim so yu bee gud enema and yu tink abot al da bad tings yu did 2 deeserve wat i did 2 yu

eta again - I wonder if a phone call from GPSe customer service might bring him back into the fold? If nothing else, it is sure to set him off on an enjoyable rant.

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 1:42 pm

A phone call would be nice. He's been silent to me, so I think he gave up on Justin and Mike. At this point, I really think we can make it into Eater's Greatest Hits. He has done so many crazy things, gone on safari, and right now is completely broken. Even if he doesn't want to go on safari again, as long as he is still replying to the animal porn producer, we have a chance of breathing some life back into this bait. It was fun while it lasted. And Jayhawk, thank you for the kind words. Even though this was my first major bait, I am really happy that it turned out so well. I'm too busy with school to really do a lot of baiting, but if anyone needs my help, I will be glad to join in. I have a potential client for my food company, but he wants payment first. That is kind of a shame, but I am sure I can convince him otherwise. He's already sent me some photos of some dishes or other which look pretty good. Regardless, I am extremely honored to have had the chance to participate in such an epic bait, and I hope that it lasts for a few more weeks.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Thank you.please when it arrives nigeria, i can not have access outside my house to email, because i lost my phone. so if i must meet with any body , i will need a phone number to call because i dont have any means to reply email outside my house,thank you for your concern and if i cant get any phone number to call, i will not go around looking for anyone because it is not good. i wait to hear from you when your ready

I think he's to the point where he WANTS to quit, but he's still so invested that he's going to keep talking with at least some of our characters.

Quote:

Yes sir, I understand. I am going to task one of our other managers with the duty of getting this package to you. As I previously mentioned, Moses Malone has been fired from our company. His poor handling of this situation does not result in the 5 Star satisfaction that we strive for. I am tasking one of our other managers, Mr. Dennis Rodman, with the delivery of your parcel. He is the Regional Manager based in Cote d'Ivoire, but I will make sure that he understands that the package needs to go to Nigeria. We will make this happen sir!

What is your phone number in Nigeria? I will make sure that Mr. Rodman contacts you.

I will give him a call as Dennis from GPS and see if it helps to improve his mood.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

The good news is that he does not think we are jokers, as Penfold gets a 419 email from one of his characters every other day. Good thing too, as campaigns are expensive. His price has gone down to less than $100 in each case though

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 8:16 pm

I don't think I have received any spam emails from him. He did seem to like my character more than Penfold. Even if we can only get him to run around Lagos, the longer we keep him going, the better. I doubt He will ever respond to me again, but I can try to find some way to sneak back in. Does he realize that he is signing up to work for a magazine about having sex with animals? He may not have figured it out yet. At some point I want to try recruiting him to my church.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ I think it is very clear that the contract is for him to have sex with an animal. Here is the email Joe Bob sent him when he said he did not understand

Quote:

I apologize. I thought my email was very clear. I want to offer you a contract to appear in my magazine and my magazine exclusively. I want to take professional photos of you having sex with a goat. I am offering $5,000 up front and another $5,000 once the photos appear in my magazine. I also require exclusive rights to your video services. I believe that your talent for fucking goats and my readers desire to see as much of you fucking goats as possible we can make a bunch of money together. Please don't tell me you have other offers. I guarantee you that whatever other offers you have I can match.

I await your response

Of course his plan is to get the upfront money and vanish.

Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:45 am

@Jayhawk
I'm sure I would take some "Upfront Cash" to have sex with a goat.
After all, I'm a married man, and have a working knowledge of such things. Shocked

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