Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 3:41 pm

Blah blah blah... He's probably trying to fill his time on the 23 hour bus ride...

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Woa! Hmm am jealous ! So who is your current man? Tell me about him

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Well I don't have a current man. But there are a few guys I like. Derrick is okay but terrible in the sack. Only thinks of himself. There are a few other guys I bounce between but I'll take anyone who swipes right as long as they're handsome. I'm sure there are plenty of girls in Nigeria going after a man with your good looks!

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Nigerian woman pretend a lot and it piss me off,so now you have a lot of man on your pay roll,were do I stand?

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Ha Mr Nyash! You are fun. If I can get any sort of assignment in Africa, we'll find out! Wink

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Tell me my miss ,what's your sexual fantasy's like?

I'm just not in the mood today, sorry everyone!

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Long trip home is it? Smile

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Yes I don't want to get board,so do you think you can make the long trip what it?

Exactly. What it.

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Nigerian women can't be all that bad. You said you were married once? What was your wife like?

So I think for now he's blown everyone else off. He's getting his rocks off thinking of Jenna in the back of the bus. He smells like shit, no one else is sitting near him. He looks like a ghost and hasn't shaven in a week. His clothes are filthy and he's begging everyone for spare change. Actually, really no different from the buses I've been on in the US.

ETA -

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She was everything and the moment I lost her,I lost everything

I'm bored. Time to go outside.

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Sorry to hear that Mr. Nyash. I'd love to hear more about her. I'm off to lunch with a few other reporters for now. Safe travels!

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:21 pm

There was a Boko Haram incident in Cameroon the other day...any chance we can try to rattle him by accusing him of the atrocities?

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:54 pm

He sent this to Mike a few minutes ago:

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Sir right now I only trust myself because this Emil address am using to write you was open the day you first contacted me because my formal email was hacked my snorkey boys but to my surprise ,snorkey boys send me email to it today,how they got it I don't know I only email you,inspector,penfold and the assistance,sis Mary,the presenter and the delivery company so for snorkey boys to get hold of it,that means that one person among this name I mentioned, is updating snorkey boys,so you can't just come and start issuing me command just like that,I don't trust you or anything you say until you prove your self,you will have to earn my trust and my loyalty but till then,you are a treat to me ,sorry but nothing personal

He also sent a plea to Justin to cancel the check. Maybe Penfold can help. Hes paranoid right now, but he's still on the hook.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Yeah he's no where near twigging. No worries there. He is headed back to Nigeria though, tired and weary. A week long safari is nothing to sneeze at though!

I'm a little behind on the updates but here's what he sent after the failed meeting:

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Mr moses you are wicked if i may say.you receive such email since morning and you are just informing me now?before i give you any explanation just go back and read the whole email that i sent to wolfgang which i copied you too on thursday 25th
you will see what i told wolfgang about those scammers muttley that said he is my agent when am still in the location he gave me (le molin de france bakery) and someone else sent him a mail through my email telling him I have gone back to my country that I ask him to receive on my behalf.
But moses I sent you several mails telling you to call your Wolfgang back to Yaoundé
.BUT YOU NEVER CALLED HIM AND YOU NEVER REPLIED MY MAILS.GO BACK AND READ ALL THOSE MAILS

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Good morning sir, how are you.I didn't hear from you again .when am I receiving my parcel. Today is another new week.

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Mr.Moses, good morning and how are you. Thanks for all you fake appointments

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Mr moses the time those boys send me email that they have Wolfgang,now knowing too well that they are after my life and my package,that was why I send them those email in other to distract them and to buy wolfgang more time.I send them that mail for them to think my package is not there .do you understand?

Moses doesn't trust him... he got another anonymous email that warned him about the evil Mr. Humphere:

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I have learned about you and I am glad that I did what I did! You are a wicked man sir and I for what you did to poor Wolfgang I will never forgive you! Yes I am sworn to deliver packages but I must say I am willing to break my oath of delivery that I made to GPSe if I must deliver to you for you are a wicked being! Thank GOD for the good samaritan who emailed me and warned me about you! Read what he sent to me!

--

""howdy watc our fur humpere he ur enema he d guy who injur wolfgang an also kil portstitute watc out ok guy""

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YOU hurt young Wolfgang! IT was you??! Why did you do it! Wolfgang was a good boy you shouldn't have done that and also you were sexing prostitutes in front of poor Wolfgang!! You are sick!! No sir, I will NEVER deliver your package to you! I am contacting my superiors and telling them that I refuse delivery of your parcel to you you evil sick man!!

What I am hoping to do here is make it seem like Moses is now the problem, and make him the sole reason that Humphere didn't get the package. Soon, the superiors at GPS will learn that Moses refused a parcel delivery and he will be fired. Hopefully using a different set of characters we can convince him to travel again down the road. It's a long shot, but it's worth a try.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Wow. I wonder who sent Moses that email. It could have been anyone. If only we had a clue.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I think he thinks Penfold is his last hope

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Sir that is a hash word you use,which is penful,sir did not issue that check but only you have the right to help me.so sir I want to understand you well.with due respect after all this time with you,are you saying you can not help me because I did not work with sis ?

I'm tired of explaining the same thing over and over

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What exactly is it you want me to do?

Penfold is a criminal lawyer and does not deal in Civil cases. I'm sure he can recommend a good Civil Attorney though.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Drama Queen much?

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Sir fellatio email Mr moses the delivery agent here and told him that I was the one that took and tortured there agent Wolfgang and also kill a prostitute at the point so they believed him and because of that refuse to meet me on Sunday now fellatio have my package and am going back empty hand sir I know you have been helpful to me and I appreciate it all,sir all I want from you is just for you to cancel that check in possession of snorkey boys now,and transfer the money straight to my account,or if the transfer is not possible,let another check be issued to me and this time use dhl,ups,courier company to send it to me in my country Nigeria. Sir I nearly died in Cameroon thank you sir,I will be waiting for your response

He still believes! Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

^^I love how he thanks everyone for his ill-treatment. Very Happy

Humphere whines to the Customer Care Department:

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Mrs Susan good morning and I do hope your alright? Madam this morning Mr moses gave me another location far from Yaounde to meet him(Mfou) there by 11am, i told him i don't have a transport and he told me to board a taxi that he put the fare bill ,which i did to my greatest surprise he didn't show up and the taxi man fought me.Is all these the Five Star services you give to your customers? I have been there yet no trace of him,why is your people like this? What are you people hidden from? Does it mean your company don't have office instead of send your customer from one town to another ? Which company does like that in this modern world? Madam I have made up my mind to leave this package and go back to my country Nigeria since your do not want to deliver it to me,now he told me you ask him to give me $2,000 for my personal expenses, your company costed me now he is no were to be found and also the delivery van that has my package has gone missing ,let me ask you how do you people plan to deliver my package to me? Or do you and your company want to take my package for your own personal use or return it back to USA? Please email me I need to know how you plan to resolve this,but as for me i will go back to my country today being Monday 28th and if I did not get any positive response fast enough,be rest assure that I AM GOING TO PRESS FOR LEGAL CHARGES ON YOUR COMPANY and Your contract will be revoked and you pay a huge damages.I will contact the lawyer of my parcel sender right away and the sender .thank you for all the ill treatment your company has cost me.

Susan is very upset to hear all this, and ensures him that she will make things right:

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Hello Mr Humphere,

Susan here from GPSe. Sir, this is all so difficult for me to understand. I got a message from Mr. Malone and to be quite frank with you sir, he sounds a bit unhinged. He was telling me all sorts of crazy things about you being dangerous and that he refused to deal with you or bring you the package. I am not sure what to make of his behavior exactly.

Sir, please let me assure you that the actions of Mr. Malone do not represent the normal way that we conduct business here at GPSe. We pride ourselves on 5-star customer service, and quite frankly I am disturbed and troubled to hear that Mr. Malone is giving you less. Dare I say that you have received only 1-star of customer service, perhaps even no stars at all!

Mr. Humphere, I need you to understand these main points.

1. We have relieved Mr. Malone from his responsibilities relating to this package. You will no longer be dealing with him.

2. As far as we understand, our driver Wolfgang had a very bad accident with the delivery van. He was injured badly, and the van was damaged severely and caught on fire. This in no way reflects upon your character and you are not responsible for this.

3. Your parcel has been recovered from the fireproof safe in the van. It is now safely in the custody of GPS staff.

Sir, what is your current location? We need to get this parcel to you. And as agreed, it has already been authorized that you will get an additional $2,000 for your travel expenses.

Please update me with this information. And sir, PLEASE DEAL DIRECTLY WITH ME NOW. Mr. Malone has been relieved of his duties. He is no longer in charge of your parcel. Please contact me directly to arrange final delivery. Thank you.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I'm gonna miss Moses. He truly did deliver Fiver Star Customer Service.

Penfold is confused

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Oh my Lord! You killed a prostitute? What in the world possessed you to do something like that? Do you have any idea how bad this impacts my campaign? I just knew you were going to fuck things up.

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BELOW IS THE LAST EMAIL I GOT FROM MR MOSES THE DELIVERY MANAGER HERE

Mr Humphere,
I have learned about you and I am glad that I did what I did! You are a wicked man sir and I for what you did to poor Wolfgang I will never forgive you! Yes I am sworn to deliver packages but I must say I am willing to break my oath of delivery that I made to GPS eTrack if I must deliver to you for you are a wicked being! Thank GOD for the good samaritan who emailed me and warned me about you! Read what he sent to me! blah...blah...blah....

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I don't blame him. If you killed a prostitute and beat up one of my delivery drivers I would do the same thing. As an officer of the law I implore you to turn yourself into the police immediately!

VOTE PENFOLD

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:43 pm

I keep getting more pleas for help from him. He hasn't said anything to Mike recently, so in a few minutes I will see if he still wants to talk. I have suggested he relocate to Kano or Maiduguri for safety. I wonder how he will take that suggestion.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

The animal porn producer finally replies

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Mr. Nyash I apologize for not getting back with you sooner. Dolly and I spent the weekend in the country. It was wonderful. Dolly would spend the day grazing by the stream and in the evening we would make sweet beautful love. Of course your conditions are acceptable. My assistant Louis will be in contact with you to finalize the details. You may contact Louis at snipped. Mr Nyash we are both going to make a pile of money doing something we love. I look forward to our partnership.

-Joe Bob

Welcome to Team Humphere Big X! Our hero is going to regret his decision to try and scam Joe Bob.

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:42 am

If he doesn't trust the delivery company to get the package to him, I could fly into Senegal or something. He said he has a friend there, so he may be willing to go visit to pick up the package. It's not as if I could be kidnapped by Snorkys or anything. If he does want to file a court case against the delivery company, that could also be interesting. Also, welcome Big X to our growing team!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Who, in the life of O'Riley, is Joe Bob? LOL

So, Mr Humpere has not been paid. How terribly sad. World's tiniest violin, blah, blah, blah. Quite horrified that he is considering becoming involved with the field of animal porn. What kind of man is this? Nay, not a man, but yet a beast. Lol.

My warmest regards to dear Dolly and her fine, upstanding other half. Long may her curly coat remain untangled and her pretty neck bells chime happily.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

As soon as I saw the name Dolly I knew exactly where this was heading! I was going to say you people sure know how to get his goat!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^ I'm bursting with laughter, but I'm just going to say "Tee-hee" .

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:42 pm

I haven't heard anything from him recently. I wonder if he twigged.

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 9:27 pm

Wow, nobody? Oh oh...

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Jun 2017 Posts: 7

Perhaps he has discovered what "Fellatio" means, has gone back through all the double entendres, and reality has slowly dawned? Crying or Very sad

Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 12:04 am

I'm sending him pokes every few hours. He may be in transit or something; if he's on a 23 hour bus ride, he may have ran out of power. I'll give him a few days before considering him twigged. It was fun while it lasted. I also need to add my video camera icon to my signature. He's surprised us in the past, so he may pop up again with another tale of woe.

Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 12:32 am

He got stopped at the border going to Cameroon, probably detained going back. I have confidence Sister will get the story eventually.

Or he's in a Cameroon cell learning all about Fellatio.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

ohhh........that is so cruel LOL

Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 1:20 am

Sister's attempt...

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Oh my dear Mr Hump Here,

Of course I pray for you and tonight we had all the children gathered together and Miss Connie as well and even Farmer Jethro show up and I say we all pray for Mr Hump Here and indeed I promise you all the children prayed their blessed prayers to our nailed god and no doubt they were heard as a light rain began to fall just then and miss Connie say the raindrops were blessed water from heaven itself.

But Mr Hump Here I tell you that I just get this terrible feeling that you in trouble and I not know of course your troubles but indeed I tell you that we are going to continue our prayers until I am assured of your safety I can promise you that no doubt. Please promise to write when all be okay lest the nailed god get overrun with our blessings for you!

Because Sister gets the last say in case it's all over.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I really don't think he has twigged. For him to admit this is all a lie is to admit he has been played as a fool for the past four(?) months and I don't see him doing that.

Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:18 am

I don't think he has either. I can see him giving up on some characters but not all. If he was detained or had to sell his phone, who knows. I'm thinking he couldn't afford to get home. It may not be tomorrow or the next day but we will hear from him again soon.

I just looked, my first message to him was April 4. Nearly 5 months.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Yep, he'll be back soon enough. Hopefully with some stories to tell..

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