Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

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Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:37 am

^ Archie is certainly taking his sweet time with the forms, but we'll make sure he gets them done. Hilts prodded him on Friday:

Quote:

Hey dude, any updates? Did you fill that form yet? What's going on with the pastor? You said you were gonna keep me updated but I ain't heard shit from you. Just saying dude. Let me know what's good.

Roger will follow up after Church services on Sunday, and Hilts will try again on Monday if we still haven't heard anything from him.

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:52 pm

Roger asked Archie on Sunday what is causing the delays:

Quote:

I was at Church services just now, and I was speaking to Pastor Moses. It seams nobody has herd back from you about your application form for the Church! Have you been working on it? Is their something your stuck on? What is causing the delays?

I really hope that you haven't lost interest in joining the Church? Cause than we can't do our business deal with the gold mining operation, and I really want to do our business deal. Can you please try to complete the application form as soon as possible so we can continue with our business?

Archie says he is having some trouble, but is still working on it:

Quote:

Good day Mr roger, i have been taken my time to answer the questions in my own personal interpretation, but i am finding it difficult to answer question 5,7,& 8. please i will appreciate if you can assist me to interpret them.

I think the question is getting delayed in my hand, i will need to complete and submit it before Wednesday, so we can continue with our business.

Meanwhile, Archie assures Hilts that he is still working the job:

Quote:

Hey Hilts, i am on it dude. The questions are somehow twisted and technical. It was far from what i expected.

I will finish answering the questions by Tuesday and send it to them.

Them we shall know what is next to do.

Hilts tells him to keep on it:

Quote:

Twisted and far from what you expected? You talking about the church application or my ex-girlfriend? Haha, I'm just kidding. No lie though, bitch was totally fucking crazy, but I kept her around for a while because she was also crazy good at fucking, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, keep your shit wired tight and try to get that membership done as soon as possible dude. The sooner we can get your ass into the church, the sooner we can start draining those goddam accounts.

I think it's interesting he told Roger and Hilts different days for when he would be done. We'll see when he actually submits it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

The questions are somehow twisted and technical. It was far from what i expected.

That's one way to put it. Very Happy

He has ignored Pastor Moses for the past week which seems odd. He's only harming himself by doing this, as he will have to work that much harder to prove his worth to the Church.

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 2:57 am

Roger offers Archie some advice on how to answer the questions:

Quote:

I don't understand, what are you finding difficult about those questions? Have you not studied the Holy Bible and referenced its teachings? If you have studied the Bible very closely, than the answers should be clear. In any case, I'm not sure how much I am suppose to help you. You need to interpret the questions as the Old Gods inspire you to interpret them, not how I interpret them.

But I guess it won't hurt if I help you some what, so we can make our business go faster. For question 5, you should identify who the young man is in St Mark's Gospel, and draw what you think he would of looked like. For question 7, you should draw Lathiathan cutting off the heads of the 3 headed serpent. You know, this is one of my favorite parts of the Bible, cause it involves Saint Marry. Did I already told you, she is my favorite saint? For question 8, you should discuss your thoughts on the sale of meats to foreigners, and draw a picture of what you think a permissible meat sale would look like. It really is quite simple, isn't it?

That should clear up absolutely nothing for him. Of course, the lad promised to complete the forms by Wednesday, but he hasn't delivered. If I don't hear back from him by tomorrow, Roger will poke him to find out what is causing the delay.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Jan 2015 Posts: 62

Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 5:44 am

With all the confusion about the answers, I really wish I could see what the questions were O_O Can't wait to see his answers!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Lazy barsted FINALLY got back to the Pastor, and his Visual Interpretations are not done yet...

Quote:

Good day Pastor Moses, sorry have not completed the registration form, I have been busy with work. I am so sorry for keeping you waiting. I am still very much interested in joining the church. I have written out the answers out in a plain paper, i will type it and send to you before Sunday. Please bear with me.

How about the church website and social media platforms?

Have a nice day Pastor.

I'm not sure how he plans to type his drawings. Confused

Pastor Moses is glad to hear from him, but disappointed in how long it's been...

Quote:

Thank Gods! I was quite worried because of getting no response. I was worried that you may had lost interest joining the church!

The Elders were quite disappointed as well. You will need to work hard to impress the Elders with your Visual Interpretations and prove that you are truly interested in becoming a member.

I asked young Susan, and she said that you will want to send the forms to me as a scan, something called a PDF scan? That way you will be able to send your drawings. Did I not mention before? Your interpretations SHOULD be hand drawn on paper, not typed. I encourage you to get creative, use colors in your interpretations if that is what the Old Gods brought to you in your dreams.

I am just so exited to hear from you after such a long delay. I pray that you never leave me for so long without writing back. I does terrible things to my mind, fearing that you have been lost to the heathens and were never going to learn the glory of the Old Gods!

On another note, two of our members, Dan and Betty, graciously donated $20,000 to the Church at last weeks Sunday Services. They are such good and faithful followers of the Church. We are trying to decide what to do with this donation. The Elders were considering crafting another bronze statue of Lathiathan, or perhaps a statue of Saint Marry. I was also wondering if it would be wise to invest some of this money into some sort of social media like you had earlier suggested, or perhaps into security to protect the church from the wicked evildoers that you warned us about? What do you think? Some way that we could help recruit new members in Africa would be very smart I think. I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

I am most exited to have you back. I pray that you don't leave us. These have been some difficult days not hearing from you. I pray that we will see your Visual Interpretations soon.

Pastor Moses

Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 2:47 am

Roger asks Archie what is taking so long:

Quote:

Now it is Monday and I still have not herd back from you. Why are you not replying to me? Did you completed the application form? What is taking you so long?

Everybody was talking about you at services yesterday, and wondering why you haven't applied yet. I didn't know what to tell them. Please don't embrace me by not completing your membership. My repetition is on the line too, cause I am the one who sponsored you for the membership in the first place. So don't let me down.

Archie still says he will finish it:

Quote:

Good day Roger, i am still very much interested in becoming a member. I promise I won't let you down.

I am only want to be sure i answer questions properly. Please bear with me.

He certainly is taking his sweet time.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

My heart skipped a beat when i read the names Dan and Betty

Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:47 am

Me too.

Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 3:42 pm

I LOVE Dan and Betty! I hope they decide to send a package to help out the church's newest recruit... Twisted Evil

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Good day Pastor,
I saw your message I want to tell you that I am still very much interested in becoming a member of the church of the old Gods. Please, be patient with me as I complete the membership form. Also tell the elders that they should be patient too.
I will submit the completed form this week.

As regards to the donation of Dan and Betty, I think it will be good to invest part of the money for the social media. Because it will open the church to the world.

May the old God bless you.

Moses is encouraged to hear from him:

Quote:

I am so glad you are still working on your Interpretations. I pray that you will have them ready by Sunday Services. I don't want the Elders to lose hope in you.

I will also speak with the Elders about investing some of the money that Dan and Betty donated toward the social media. I do think it would help us find new convorts, more than another statue of Saint Marry will. Unfortunately we don't really have anyone in the church who understands about social media and I'm not certain how exactly to spend the money. Do we just mail a check to facebook and ask them to make us a social media with the money?

Pastor Moses

Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 8:05 pm

"Do we just mail a check to facebook and ask them to make us a social media with the money?"

LOLOLOLOL!!!

Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:22 am

Roger asked Archie what he was having trouble with:

Quote:

Well, what are you still having problems with? You know, you can ask me questions if your confused about the membership precess. Since I am the one who commanded your your name to Pastor Moses and the Elders for joining the Church, I am here to act as a mentor to you threw your initiative. So if you have any questions, please ask me. Other wise, you should try to get the form done as soon as possible.

I just want to speed up this precess cause I want you to be a member of the Church as soon as possible so we can continue with our gold mining operation. I just don't like all these delays.

Archie didn't respond, so Roger told him how disappointed he was that he wasn't taking the membership seriously:

Quote:

I am getting very disappointed with your efforts in joining my Church. You haven't completed the application form for your membership when you said you would, you don't seem to have any urgency about turning to the Old Gods and saving your heathen soul, and you don't even respond to me when I email you!

I think I am going to need you to proof your devolution to the Church and to our business deal, cause I am just not very happy with you that your waisting my time like this.

That got a quick response from Archie:

Quote:

I am sorry Mr Roger, it wasn't intentional. I was down with flu all through last week. (Sure he was) I am just recovering.
Like i told Pastor Moses this Morning that i will submit the form by Saturday noon.

I am truly sorry if am disappointing you.

That won't be good enough. Archie will have to prove himself to Roger. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Good day Pastor, hopefully i will submit the interpretation latest by Saturday noon.

As regards to the Website and social media, it doesn't really cost much to a safe and well secured social media platform where we can get people to hear about the works of the old Gods.
I will be glad if you can talk to the elders about it so that i can handle it. Since i will be the one doing the outreach on how the get members mostly the younger generation. I went to some places last week and i remember asking some selected people if they have ever heard of the old Gods church, their answers was No. Crying or Very sad

To have a protected social media platform with security system that will eliminate evil doers, it cost about $2400-$4000. This include maintenance fees among other software that will make the website safe.

It will a great privilege if you will convince the elders to let me handle it.I promise to give you the best as soon as possible.

Have a great day Pastor.

The gold mining business, websites, social media platforms.... lots of opportunities for this lad... if only he would just complete his membership!

Quote:

It is most heartening to hear you say this my son! I will be very exited to submit your work to the Elders by next Sunday Service. And I know that Roger has been very eager to get started with this gold mining business that you are working on. Once you have completed your membership I will be proud to welcome you into our glorious Church and you will be granted all the wonderful benefits that come along with being a full member.

Thank you for teaching me more about the social media. Yes I recall that keeping it protected from wicked evil doers is of the utmost importants. I will also be sure to speak with the Elders about this on Sunday and perhaps they will see it in their wisdom to set aside some of Dan and Betty's donation money for this investment in social media. The Old Gods are truly blessing us by guiding you into our church where you will be able to help us convort all the heathens of Africa into the Church of the Old Gods. Once you have become a full member we will be able to get started right away!

I await your Visual Interpretations with baiter's breath.

Pastor Moses

Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2017 12:34 am

Roger tells Archie that he is very upset about all the delays:

Quote:

I am sorry you were sick, but I am still very disappointed in you. Your delays are making me look very bad in front of the Parish flock, and its very embracing to have the new initiative I commanded so highly to Pastor Moses and the Elders be so lazy and divide of Faith in the Old Gods. I am not sure if I can sponsor your membership in the Church in good conscious any more, cause you have let me down so badly.

Yes, I think I will need you to proof your devolution to the Old Gods and show me that your truly worthy of joining the Church and excepting the Old Gods into your life, so that I can continue to help you join. Are you ready to proof this to me? Or are you going to stay a heathen unbeliever?

We'll see what he says. If he doesn't get back to me, Hilts will prod him on Monday, to force him into complying with Roger's whims.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Hello my son,

Have you reached out to Brother Roger recently? I just spoke with him and he sounds upset. He is worried that you are not taking your conversion seriously.

I tried to encourage him to be patient. I believe that you are serious about joining. It might be a good idea to write to Brother Roger and apologize to him for the delay. Remember, he is your Sponsor, and it is very important that you stay in torch with him and let him know you are moving forward.

Pastor Moses

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

He took his sweet time, but Archie finally came through with his Visual Interpretations. I will attach his drawings shortly. They are surprisingly good. I feel like he may be able to save his soul yet!

Quote:

Good day Pastor, below are the answers and visual interpretation in the attachment to the membership form. Please if there is any place that you don't understand let me know.

Every question that i will answer are based on my understanding of the bible and also as i relate it to the real world and human reasoning.

1. What do you believe that Moses’ intentions were when he parted the Red Sea? Whom did he save? Draw your interpretation of Moses parting the Red Sea.

When Moses parted the red sea to save the children of Israel out the land of Egypt where they have been heard captive for over 400years as slaves. When they got to the red sea that seen like an obstacle to them. Moses being the leader had to look for a way out to them them across the red sea. He was confused an didn't know what to do, when he stretched his staff towards the sea, his intention might be to prove to the Egyptians once again that his God is more powerful than their gods.

2. In Genesis 15:9 , the Lord requests very specific items. What do you believe the Lord intended to use these items for, and do think that he share them with the Old Gods? Draw the items below.

The items that God requested from Moses were for the purpose of sacrifice. Though he was specific about them. But i do not think he shared it among other Gods. In my personal reasoning, sacrifice are like seed that is planted on the ground that bring up fruit. In other word, before before anything is given by old God, there must be a item that will serve as a medium of exchange. It can be inform of material things.

3. As described in Deuteronomy 23:1, the Old Gods do not accept those whom have partaken in genital mutilation. Do you swear upon the Gods that your genitals have not been removed? What are two forms of genital mutilation that you would deem unacceptable in your eyes.

I solemnly swear that my genitals has not been removed, it not acceptable in my race and on no account should anybody remove his/her genitals. After my birth i was circumcised but my genitals was not removed.

4. Have you ever engaged in prostitution? The Old Gods can forgive this crime, but admittance is required for acceptance into the church. Describe three types of prostitution that you would consider immoral or unacceptable in your eyes.

In all honesty i have in quite sometime patronized prostitute, then was i still an unbeliever. But since i became serious and committed to Christ i stopped the evil act. To me the two types of prostitution that is not acceptable is for a man or woman to have sexual pleasure with the opposite sex in exchange for money or payment of debt. And also for a man or woman to have sexual intercourse with his fellow man or woman with the intention of getting money.

5. Draw your interpretation of the running away of the young man described in Mark 14:51. Who was this young man, and do you believe that he had ill intent?

The bible made it clear in the passage that the young man ran after them with a linen cloth . But the bible didn't reveal the identity of the young man. I personally think the young man must be among the people that Jesus helped during the course of his evangelism, Or he might be his brother or Mary Magdalene's brother or One of the his disciples. His intention was good and he ran away to avoid being caught by the soldiers.

6. The Church of the Old Gods is planning on building several new temples in Asia and Africa beginning in 2018. Draw your ideal version of what one of these new temples should look like, including worshippers outside kneeling to the statues of the Old Gods. What county is this temple located in? Would you build a temple if the Old Gods commanded you to?

I will be one of the most excited person on earth when this church starts. I never heard about the old Gods until i meet Mr Roger, it means that evangelical outreach of the church of the old Gods are not performing well. Information is very powerful, when people hear about something good it sticks to their head.
With the little knowledge that i have gotten so far about the old Gods. I believe that Africa will be the best place to locate such church. As i carried out in my personal research about religion development in Africa, Nigeria has the highest number of churches and a tremendous growth across Africa in the past 5 decades. I believe that when the church of old Gods starts in Nigeria, other Africa countries will hear about it.
There must be a new innovation while trying to establish the church in Nigeria the target should youth, when the youth is captured its a done deal that the church of old Gods has been forever established in Africa. The temple should not look like an ancient temple in a way that it willl spark up suspicion, it should have beautiful architectural edifice. People are sensitive but one the church meet the spiritual and material need of the people they are more compel to be a member.
The two main drivers of church growth in Africa are miracle and prosperity, it the evidence that the church is competent of helping then to become who they are needs. Once approval has been given i can volunteer to build a temple if God commands. Very Happy

7. In the Testaments of the Old Gods, Methusila describes a fierce battle between Lathiathan the Great and the evil 3-headed serpent, as Marry watches from the cave. Lathiathan defeats the serpent and stands proudly on its body after defeating it with his sword. Draw your interpretation of this event.

(drawing attached)

8. Deuteronomy 14:21 discusses the sale of meats to foreigners. The Church of the Old God condones this practice. What is your interpretation of this passage? Draw your interpretation of the sale of meets to a foreigner.

In the passage of the bible from the verse, it was given the kinds of animals and birds that he commanded the people to eat. He commanded them not to eat beast that divided the hoof, yet chew not thier cud. And also every creeping thing that flieth that are unclean and shouldn't be eaten. He also commanded them not to eat any animal that die on it own. The meat that he commanded not to eat could be posses with unclean spirit.

9. Draw a self-portrait of yourself. Include your hair, face, neck, shoulders and chest. DO NOT include your abdomen, genitals, legs or feet.

(drawing attached)

Drawings to come...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Excellent . Love it

Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 7:55 pm

Archie notifies Roger that he completed the forms:

Quote:

Dear Roger, i am truly sorry for delaying this membership process.
I want to assure you that i will make you proud when am accepted to the church, thank you for being my sponsor.

I have completed the membership form and i have sent it to Pastor Moses. Thank you for encouraging me.
I hope to get positive response from the church elder as soon as possible.

Have a nice day.

Roger is not pleased at the delay and still wants more proof of Archie's devotion:

Quote:

I am glad that you finally submitted the membership form, but I am still not pleased about the delays you have caused. I think your Faith in the Old Gods is a little lacking, cause of how long it took you. I was talking to my friend Brother Eric after services today, and he agreed with me. After all, we're talking about something as impotent as your immoral soul, and you didn't took it seriously!

So I want you to proof your Faith and Devolution to me, to show me that I am making the rite decision in sponsoring you for Church membership. I want you to make a devolution picture for me, to show that your a True Believer in the Faith and really serious about joining the Church. A devolution picture shows your Faith in the Old Gods, and you invoice the name of a Saint to protect you and watch over you.

Here's what you do to make a devolution picture: take a picture of yourself, holding a sign with a Saint's name written on it. Now, cause Saint Marry is my favorite Saint, I want you to make a devolution picture for Saint Marry. Take a picture of yourself holding a sign with the word "Marry" on it, and I will know that I am doing the rite thing sponsoring your membership. Can you do that for me?

Let's see if he does it.

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:29 am

Archie tries to persuade Roger that he is serious about the membership:

Quote:

Mr Roger, i believe that you know that i have a very little knowledge of your church. I have never heard about the old Gods before i met you.
As for the delay in completing the form, i was busy and sick in the process of answering the questions. And you will agree with me that some the questions are not what i am familiar with. (Because we made up complete nonsense Laughing

) I think you are making me feel uncomfortable with the way that you talk about my not being serious about joining the church. If you will remember, i asked you about your religion. If am not interested in joining i wouldn't ask you? I want to say it again that i am serious and ready to join the church of the old Gods.

As regards to the picture and voice message i will do it tomorrow, I think i need to know the names of saints before making choice of the one to watch over me. OR I will go with you to choose saint Marry.

I am yet to receive reply from Pastor Moses.

Please bear with me as i embark on this spiritual journey.

Roger encourages him to do the picture, and tells him to pick Marry:

Quote:

I know you said you were sick, but I still think nothing should of stopped you from completing the form if you were truly inspired by love for the Old Gods. In any case, all I am asking for is more proof of your seriousness in joining the Church. Also, I know the Elders look very favorable on perspective members who make a devolution picture. I think it would really impress them if you did one, and it would make it more likely that they except your membership forms.

I think you should choose Marry for the Saint on your sign in the devolution picture, cause she is so impotent to the Church. I am sure you will learn the names of the other impotent Saints during your membership precess, Pastor Moses will teach you. For now, make the devolution picture with Marry on the sign. Can you do that for me so I know that sponsoring your membership is the rite thing to do?

Archie asks for clarification:

Quote:

Good day Roger, i am committed to being a member of the church of the old Gods. But bthe devolution Picture that you ask me to make is it with the image of saint Mary? or symbol of saint mary?

Roger specifies that he just needs the word Marry:

Quote:

Oh, I am very pleased that your taking this seriously now! But you don't have to worry, it is not even as difficult as all that which you were saying. You don't have to find any images of Saint Marry, in fact I don't even know how you would do that (Naturally, Roger is so technologically inept that he doesn't know about Google Image search) from where you are. No, you just have to invoice the NAME of the Saint on your sign, cause invoicing the name of the Saint is the same as invoicing the Saint herself.

So write the name "Marry" on your sign and take the devolution picture holding it. And please make sure you spell it correctly, it is very impotent that you get the name of the Saint correct so you invoice it correctly. It is Marry, not Mary.

Please take the devolution picture as soon as you can, than send it to me or Pastor Moses.

I think he's going to do it, but we'll see what he sends us.

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:47 am

"... And please make sure you spell it correctly, it is very impotent that you get the name of the Saint correct so you invoice it correctly. It is Marry, not Mary..."

Muhahahaha!
I love this baiting story! clapping

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:17 am

This is just...so beautiful!

It almost makes me want to join the church ^_^ .....almost Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Brilliant fun! Great baiting.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Here are the pictures he sent along with his answers above.Gotta say, the quality is better than I expected! It looks like he ignored some of the drawings and decided to draw a bunch of barnyard animals instead Laughing

I really like the self-portrait and the 3-headed serpent. He seems committed to his membership to me!

What do you think X? Should I accept these and tell him that I will show them to the Elders this Sunday, or should I make him do some additional drawings? I can also encourage him to do the "Marry" picture for Roger.

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