Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:44 pm

I don't know why people keep having problems with GPSE. I always use them and have never had an issue with getting my packages. I always rate their service 5 stars on the surveys.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 21 Jul 2017 Posts: 48

I don't get it either. Last time I checked, they're rated 419 on a 425-point scale.

Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2017 2:09 am

Archie wants Eric to ship the package from Niger to Nigeria using DHL:

Quote:

Dear brother Eric, I am quite surprised at the mistake made by the GPS staff by their inability to realize that the name of the street in the address is in Nigeria and not Niger Republic.

Anyway, Pastor Moses message me last night he said he will meet with you so you can go to their office today in other to figure out what can be done to get the package down to me in Nigeria.

I think what you should do is to pay them the shipping fee so that they can send the package from Niger Republic to Nigeria through DHL shipping company. This is common and mostly use shipping company in both countries.

DHL Express Head Office: Niger Republic
DHL International
DHL International
et Entrelec
27 Boulevard de la Liberte
BP 10926
Niamey Niger Republic

Nigeria office address:

DHL office Abuja Nigeria
63 Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent Wuse Zone 2 Abuja Nigeria.

Please give them both addresses so they can locate the office in Niger Republic and send the package to Nigeria address as soon as possible.

Ensure that the address is correctly written out so there won't be mistake again.

No dice. Archie is going to have to travel if he wants his package. Eric is quiet today until I can think of an excuse.

Meanwhile, Roger doesn't understand what went wrong, and thinks Archie changed his mind about where he wanted the package sent:

Quote:

I don't understand, what is the problem with the address? I thought you gave Pastor Moses the address you wanted the package sent to, so how could it be wrong?

Are you saying you want us to send it somewhere else now? Than why didn't you gave us that address in the first place? Why do you always change your mind like this?

Archie explains what he thinks happened:

Quote:

I didn't change my mind. Yes it is true that Pastor Moses gave them the right address that I sent to him. I believe the mistake came from the shipping company.

Pastor Moses sent me a message yesterday, he said he will go back to their office today to sort out whatever the issue might be.

You can call him to confirm if he has gone there.

Roger will have more questions tomorrow.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Moses gives him an update:

Quote:

Hello my son,

Well we went down to the GPS office today as I had said, but they are confusing me because they told me that the item was delivered to its final destination today and is waiting at their Sorting Location for you to pick it up but that they are unable to send to your house so you need to go to their office to collect the package. Did you receive the Welcome Package today? How far away is this Niger place is it nearby to your village?

I need to know if you have received it. I'm sure we will be able to sort all this out but right now it is getting me stressed because it is imperative that you get started rebuilding your village as soon as possible so we can begin convorting them to the ways of the Old Gods. I am going to pray to the Old Gods tonight and I am going to speak to the Elders about this situation also and see if they can provide me with some guidance. Their wisdom has never let me down, I am certain they will know what to do.

Pastor Moses

I hope the Elders are able to help. Archie has always been a big fan of the Elders. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:54 am

I already took beer and popcorn and I sat down comfortably ... I'm waiting for the movie "Archie's Great Journey". Laughing

Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:16 am

While we're on the topic of Nigeria-Niger confusion - in the film Sahara, there's a scene where the heroes head up the River Niger from Lagos to Mali.

They reach Mali in less than a day despite the distance being at least 1000 kilometres, and without crossing any other borders - but to reach Mali that way means they would have to traverse Niger, and there's no mention of it.

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:04 am

Roger doesn't understand how GPS could have gotten the address wrong:

Quote:

But how could the mistake come from the shipping company? Shouldn't they of been able to deliver your package by now? I just don't understand what could be causing the delay if your saying that the address was correct and you didn't changed your mind like you usually do. Did you contacted the company to find out what happened?

I will speak to Pastor Moses and see if he can finger out the problem. This really isn't making much since to me.

Archie tells Roger that he is planning to travel to get the package:

Quote:

I have figured out how to get to the country that the items was sent to by road. With a help of a friend who lives in a border state.

I will begin the journey by Friday, there will be no need for you telling Pastor Moses.

But I will need some money for the journey, the journey is quite expensive. If you can be kind enough to send me little money $500 so I can go on the trip.

Roger will be confused by this tomorrow, but eventually he will agree to send the money. No chance it happens by Friday though, because naturally, he will run into issues.

Eric is quiet again today. Seems like Archie is already talking himself into traveling, so there is no need for me to add anything else right now. If he asks, Eric is very busy with his job as an admissions officer at the University of North Florida since it is college application season, and doesn't have the time to check his email as frequently as he would like.

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:25 am

Is there a chance that Roger couldn't get permission to send the money from the Elders because Archie didn't fully complete the church membership? It would be a letdown if he had to pay for everything himself because he was lazy earlier. Considering how there is probably no chance of him completing the process, this could keep him quiet. Alternatively, the funds could accidentally be sent to Niger for pickup there. It's nice how he is already keen about traveling, so there is no reason why he should complain about Roger's thoughtfulness. After all, if he's going to be there anyway, what's the big issue? Very Happy

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:53 am

^ It is not really necessary for it to get even that elaborate. Roger has previously had his money stolen by a crooked MG clerk, and he is still banned from WU. There are no RIA offices in Jacksonville. It would be completely in character for him to refuse to send money by any of those ways.

That leaves only a bank transfer as a feasible option, except that Roger's banker is Hilts, who won't risk his job to transfer such a small amount directly, and similarly won't agree to launder it. And in any case, Archie likely won't want Hilts to know that he is traveling to pick up the package, because he is supposed to share all his scam profits 50/50, but hasn't told Hilts about the $30,000 in the package.

Time is on our side too, because Archie says he will be traveling by the weekend. So it won't be a problem at all for Roger to agree to send the money, but then run out the clock with excuses.

Basically, Archie is screwed no matter what, but you knew that already.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Things are looking good...

To the Pastor:

Quote:

Dear Pastor, the above message was sent to from the company late last night.

There will be no need for you to go to their office anymore to pay fee for them to send it to Nigeria.

I have figured out how to get to the country myself by road, with a help of a friend that lives in a border state to the country that the items was sent to (Niger Republic).

The distance from my community is about 800km, I will begin the journey on Friday with my friend who will show me through the journey.

Best regards

And to GPS:

Quote:

Good day Sir/Ma

I have figured out how to get to Niamey Niger Republic from Nigeria in other to claim my parcel. Since it is not possible for you to send it to Nigeria.

Like you have said, I will come along with a valid identification card (Driving license), is it acceptable?

I will appreciate if you can send me the phone number that I can use in contacting agent at the sorting facility in Niamey Niger Republic.

Best regards

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2016 Posts: 56

This is genius. A true testament to the skill of Big X and colleagues.

People will read this and think a safari is easy... it’s not !! This vindicates Big X slow, patient build up. This chap is so utterly convinced there is a box with $30k In he is virtually ‘self -safariing’

It still amuses me that this guy things a sale of baked goods on a Sunday morning can raise $170k. Once again, testament to how convinced the lad is.

Keep up the great work.

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 6:04 am

I hope his Driving License will be accepted. I really pray for that! Laughing

Here will be a real tragedy if Archie will not be able to travel because of such minor details.
Right? Laughing

In the sacred name of Holy Lamb, amen!

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:16 pm

I wonder if he is going to go to Niamey with his friend. Dual safaris are always fun. As soon as Archie arrives in Niamey, where will the package end up? I don't think a lad has ever been sent to Morocco.

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 7:15 pm

I too hope that Archie heads to Niamey with his "man friend" (as Mr Bobangoh would say). It makes sense - the package is not a small one and he'd want a trusted guyman buddy to share the load (and to watch his back too). Will they fall out over this deal when things go pear-shaped and south down the tubes?

Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:57 pm

Archie tells Eric he will get to Niamey for Monday, and tries to hit him up for traveling money too:

Quote:

Hello brother Eric, I got a message from the shipping company saying that my parcel has arrived it destination Niamey Niger Republic. It is been hold at their sorting facility.

I am told to come with a valid identification card in other to claim the parcel.

I have figured out how to get to the country (Niger Republic) by road, with a help of a friend who lives in a border state close to Niger Republic. Niger Republic and Nigeria share boundaries.

I will begin the journey by Sunday, so I can get there the next day Monday which is a working day.

Brother Eric, please I will appreciate if you can help me with some amount of money $300 so I can use to fund the trip.
Because the journey will be quite expensive, and hotels accommodation too.

May the old Gods protect you always

Eric will ask for permission:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, I am glad to hear that you were able to locate the package and you will be going to pick it up. I look forward to seeing you use the electronics we sent to start your Parish.

As for the money to fund your trip, I will speak to Pastor Moses about whether I can send you money from the Church funds to defrock the costs of your travels. I will let you know what he says.

May the Old Gods Bless You

Meanwhile, Roger doesn't quite understand what Archie is telling him:

Quote:

I am not sure I understand. What do you mean when you say your going to get to the country the items was sent to by road? Do you mean your going to drive your car their? And who is your friend and what border state does he live in? You mean like Texas? This is just very sudden and confusing for me and I would appreciate it if you could explicate it a bit farther then what your saying so far.

Also, I would be happy to send you some money to help you with the trip. How should I send it to you?

When Roger hears "border", he thinks Mexico. I look forward to reading Archie's attempt to explain West African geography. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Hello sir,

Yes a driver's license is acceptable for you to receive the parcel. It is located at the following address:

Address: GPSE address <>

If you would like to let me know the date and approximate time that you expect to be arriving in Niamey I will contact the Regional Manager at our Niamey office and have him prepare the package to speed up the process.

Clyde
Customer Care Representative

Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:01 am

Archie tells Eric he doesn't need money from the Church:

Quote:

Good day Brother Eric, thanks for your response and concern.

I don't it's necessary for you to talk to Pastor Moses about the money. I don't want to use from the church fund.

I will figure out how to get the money for the trip in another mean.

Thanks.

But at the same time he increases the amount he's asking of Roger:

Quote:

Dear Roger, thanks for your response and concern.

Like I said I will have to travel to the country that the items was sent to by road. It is like traveling from New York through Texas into Mexico by road. (I don't think this lad has a firm grasp on US geography)

You can see how long the trip will be, also I will have to register my car for border pass.

I will like you to send me money to assist help me make the trip. I will appreciate if you can send me $1200.

Please send the money by Western Union or money gram today as soon as possible so I can start preparing for the trip.

I know that you don't like sending money through western union or money gram. But you have to do this for my sake.

Payment information;

Name: O E

Country: Nigeria

Western Union.

Note: Please do not place security on the transaction. So I won't have difficulty receiving the money. (Clearly he remembers his bad experience with Frost's modality)

Please send me the confirmation code after you send the money.

Roger will be confused about why the amount changed when he replies tomorrow.

Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:02 am

This constant demand of money is unacceptable! This clearly shows lack of faith and ability to endure hardship! With the unacceptable amount of time it took for him to perform Stage 3, perhaps the Church needs to reconsider their impression of this new recruit who isn't even a full member yet mind you.

Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:08 am

I agree. If only he completed the ceremony to become a full member of the church, he would be rolling in money right now. Does the church of the Old Gods have church meetings/parties like TWAT? Maybe he should stop by one of those on the way to claim his package.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

I think we are just in a holding pattern until he travels. No need to abuse him as long as he's showing interest in safariing himself.

Pastor M is most pleased:

Quote:

Hello my son,

I am most happy to learn that you have decided to take the journey required to collect the Welcome Package. This helps to easy my heart very much. I have informed the Elders that you are going to go get the package and they are most pleased with you my son. Most pleased.

Tell me, when do you anticipate arrival to your destination? You said 800km, how many miles is that? I know Brother Eric and Brother Roger would appreciate hearing once you have collected your parcel. We are all excited for you to receive it.

Pastor Moses

Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:35 pm

Roger is confused at why the amount Archie is asking for has changed:

Quote:

Ah, I think I understand now. So you have to drive threw another state to get to the other country to pick the package.

I am a little confused though. You asked me for $500.00 dollars earlier, now your asking me for $1200.00 dollars in stead. Why did the amount changed? And what do you need this money for anyways?

As always, Roger is very uncomfortable with any changes in the plans.

Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 11:07 pm

Archie explains why he is asking for more money:

Quote:

I ask you for $500 because that is the amount that will take me to the country.

But I will have to pay some fee at the border, also it's good to have extra money in case of emergency.

It's a place that I never been to, I don't want to be stranded. That is why I asked for $1200.

Just to be on a safer side, I hope you understand.

Please send the money as soon as possible through western union.

Name: O Edwards

Country: Abuja, Nigeria

Roger reminds him that he can't send by WU:

Quote:

I told you before, I can't send the money threw western union cause I am banned from their! Are you trying to get me arrested or something? Isn't their another way I can send the money to you?

Also, who is this Edwards person you want me to send the money to? Shouldn't I send it to you in stead?

I hope he doesn't delay his trip to get the package because he is waiting for Roger to send the money. But if that is what happens, we have ways around that.

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:49 am

Let's hope he actually moves his lazy ass this time.

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:50 am

lad wrote:

I don't want to be stranded.

Said every lad ever.

I've been off the grid for a while, it's good to be back Smile

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:24 am

Archie got in touch with Hilts, telling him about the package and asking him to send the money:

Quote:

The church has finally sent some items which I will begin the church with over here.

But they sent it to a wrong address, to a nearby country. So I will be going there to receive the package. The package contains Bibles and other church materials.

They promise start sending money after I have receive the package and start a church here in my country.

Also, that is when Roger also will paying for our gold business. You can see that we are getting close. It's a long coming though but we will get there soon. (I'm glad to see he still believes completely)

Please, Mr Roger might come to you any moment from now, asking you to send $1200 to the payment information that I sent to him.
Please make the payment for him.

The money is meant for the receiver of the package that was shipped to me. So it will require additional cost to claim the package.

Thanks for your understanding.

Hilts is not interested in the package or the small money that Archie is talking about:

Quote:

Package? What fucking package? Why the fuck do I care about some stupid ass package full of church shit? Seriously, you don’t email me for a goddam month about this job, and now when you finally do get your thumb out your ass, it’s to talk about some completely unrelated bullshit?

Let me make this real fucking simple so even a dipshit like you can understand: Where’s the goddam money, dude?! I thought you were gonna drain their accounts and let me know when you wanted to send some real fucking money! And now you come back here like an asshole talking about wanting me to send some piddly ass $1200.00 USD from Roger again? That’s some weak shit, dude!

Archie pleads with Hilts:

Quote:

You know how long we have come in this journey. (I certainly do, in fact I have a nice little sandtimer to measure the time) Please, like I said the church sent some package to me so that I can start their church for them over here.

Until I start up their church over here we can't get into the church account and other members of the church. You have to be patient with the whole process, it will take time but surely we will get there soon.

We have Roger's money and the church's money and others to sweep off into our account through your buddy. This thing can't be achieved if we rush towards it.

We need to be patience and to follow their orders. I believe everything will work towards our plans.

Please be calm.

Roger will come to you any moment from now. Please send the money to the payment information that he will provide.

Hilts will still be uninterested when he replies tomorrow.

Roger asks about Archie's friend:

Quote:

Oh ok, I didn't realized that you would be traveling with someone else, but I guess that makes since. Is your friend Edwards interested in joining the Church also?

I will go speak with Mr Hilts and see if he can send the money to you quickly threw a bank transfer to that account. But aren't you going to be traveling already? I thought you said you would be leaving to pick the package today? Should I send the money to the other country in stead?

Archie says he can't travel unless Roger sends the money:

Quote:

Please please go to Mr Hilts and tell him to send the money as soon as possible.

I can't go on the journey due to lack of funds.

Please send the money to the account that I sent to you.
Give Mr Hilts the payment information so he can transfer the money.

Sounds like he doesn't want to move until Roger funds the trip for him, which of course won't happen. We'll have to remind him that he will lose his package if he doesn't get moving.

Roger will have a conversation with Hilts tomorrow and change his mind about sending money to Archie.

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