Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 2:43 pm

^ It's an amusing idea, but he followed Roger's instructions correctly this time, so we'll accept it.

Besides, we want Roger to retain credibility about his religion, because we want the lad to follow his instructions without question. Roger might be a complete idiot about everything else, but he definitely knows his religion. If the lad thinks that following orders from Roger will just get him slapped by Pastor Moses, he will be less cooperative. We don't want that to happen.

Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 3:43 pm

Big X wrote:

Roger might be a complete idiot about everything else, but he definitely knows his religion.

You have written some funny shit in the past, but this caused me to snort.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Dear Pastor, i haven't heard from you in days now I hope everything is okay?

I have been in constant communication with Mr Roger, he actually asked me to make a devolution picture of the saint that i want as guide.
He said it's one of the ways that the elders recognize and approve a serious and committed convert.

See the picture in the attachment.... (Same as above)

What are the elders saying about my membership?

Great news for Archie. He has completed Stage 1!

Quote:

Hello my son,

I have most exiting news to tell you. I had a meeting with the Elders after Sunday Services. They reviewed your Visual Interpretations and consulted with me about them. They also spoke with your mentor Roger and we're quite impressed with what he had to say. You really showed him your devotion and seriousness by submitting the photo that he requested. I must say that I am impressed my son. I am seeing that you are indeed very serious about your membership. You are proving to be one of our most eager convorts!

It is with great honor that I get to deliver this news to you... you have completed Stage 1! Congratulations my son! You are very close(not even close) to being a full member which will grant you all rights and benefits of membership! Praise the Old Gods.

Very soon I will email you with the details of Stage 2: Literary Devolution.

I also wanted to let you know that I had further discussion about the social medias with the Elders. It is still to early for me to give you much details until your membership is completed, but let me just say that the Elders have very big plans for you. Your knowledge about security and keeping our social medias safe from wicked harkers is very much understood and acknowledged. I foresee very big things for you in the near future my son.

Again, congratulations! Feel free to tell Brother Roger the good news! I am certain he will be thrill to hear from you. I will contact you soonest with details about starting Stage 2.

Pastor Moses

Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:45 am

Roger tells Archie he is pleased with the second picture:

Quote:

Yes, that is excellent! You did the picture the rite way this time and it looks great! I am going to tell Pastor Moses that I am very pleased as your sponsor, and you have my approval to precede with your membership. Oh, I just know the Elders will be very pleased with this prove of your Devolution, and I am sure they will clear your Stage 1 application very soon!

Their are just a few more stages in the membership precess, but I am sure you will be able to get threw them very quickly, seeing as how your devolution picture shows the Great depths of your Faith and Devolution to the Old Gods. The first part is the Artistic Devolution, and you have already completed that. I believe that next their is the Literary Devolution stage, which is my favorite, and I think you will like it too. I forget if their is another stage after that, but I know the final stage is the Grand Adventure, which is where you meet with the Elders and cross over, and than that is it! You'll be a full member! Isn't that so exiting?

Pastor Moses can give you more details about the next steps, cause he knows much more about this then me. But I am getting very exited that you will soon be a member, and I can't wait to be able to continue our gold business completely risky free cause your my Brother in the Church!

Archie is happy to hear that Roger liked it:

Quote:

Dear Roger, Thank you for the approval. I will most excited that you are pleased with the devolution picture.

Pastor Moses hasn't been responding to my message for days now, Please i will be glad if you can help call him to know how he's fairing.

I have been doing some underground visiting to community to let them know about the old Gods. (I doubt he's telling the truth, but it would be funny if he actually was preaching about the virtues of a fake Church to his friends)
I am glad to inform you that the church of old Gods will experience a growth that has never been seen, i am most convince.

Archie is also pleased that Stage 1 was approved:

Quote:

Hi Mr Roger, Pastor Moses mailed me to inform me that the Elders has approved my stage 1. He said they were impressed with my visual interpretation. I want to say thank you for sponsoring my membership, i promise that i will not disappoint you.

He said he will send me the stage 2 as soon as possible so that i can continue.

Roger is pleased that Archie passed Stage 1, but he wants to hear more about this underground preaching:

Quote:

I am very pleased to hear that the Elders approved your Stage 1 application! I just knew they would be impressed with your devolution picture. I am glad they were able to see how you would become a valuable and impotent member of the Church in no time. I am very exited for you, and I think you will enjoy Stage 2.

I am a little confused what you mean by underground visiting to the community. When you say underground, do you mean you have been breaching the Holy Word of the Old Gods to mole people? That is very interesting, you will have to tell me how that goes.

Have you had any success with your recrudescence mission? Do you have any friends their who want to join the Church also? You should put them in torch with me so we can see if they have what it takes to join the Church, like you do. Than I could sponsor them also.

I'm curious to see if he will seize the opportunity to double up on the scam, either by bringing in another lad, or by creating another character to join the Church.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

On to Stage 2!

Quote:

It is with great pleasure that I tell you the Elders have chosen your work for Stage 2: Literary Devolution.

For Stage 2, you are to rewrite the Book of Exodus. The tale of how the Israelites escaped slavery from Egypt and their journey to Mount Sinai.

I must say, the Elders have chosen a most wonderful book for your Literary Devolution. You must be very happy with their decision. It shows how much they see in you my son.

To complete you Literary Devolution, you are to rewrite the entire Book of Exodus in black ink. The words must be rewritten by your own hand upon clean, white paper. The entire Book of Exodus must be written. Write large enough that the words can clearly be read by myself and the Elders.

Upon completion of your writings, you are to scan the pages that you completed and send them to me and your mentor Roger for submission to the Elders. Finish the writings completely before sending us your pages.

The Elders truly see good things for you my son. Exodus is a very big deal. The Old Gods have truly blessed you with this opportunity. If you have any questions do not hesitate to ask Brother Roger for assistance as he is your mentor and will be very happy to help guide you through your Literary Devolution.

Praise the Old Gods!

Pastor Moses

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 1:24 am

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 1:56 am

We already got Genesis from Rev Ozzy, so naturally Exodus had to be next.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Well, I didn't expect that. Hahahaha. How laddy's face must fallen when he read that! Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 8:08 am

Muhahahaha, a brilliant idea! Laughing

I'll steal her too for my MUIE church stories! Thanks! clapping

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

No complaints so far! Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Pastor, i am very excited that the Elders has approved me for stage 2 of this membership process. I want to say thanks to you and Mr Roger.

I promise not to delay with this stage 2 like i did with the previous stage.

Thank you

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 3:17 pm

He obviously has not read, or even seen, the book of Exodus. This should be good!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

In addition to Roger's gold mining investment, Moses continues to give the lad some incentive to keep working...

Quote:

I am very glad to hear that there will be no delay with your Stage 2. The Elders will look very favorably upon your speedy completion of the Literary Devolution.

I don't want to distract you from your work, but the Elders had some questions about the social medias that I needed your help with. I remembered that you had told me that you would need $4000 for the security to protect them from harkers. From what I understand there are several social medias. Young Susan tells me that the Facebook and Twidder are two that we should definitely be on. She had also heard of one that the young people are using that is called Tinder.

My question for you is do we need to set aside $4000 for each of these social medias? Or will the $4000 be enough to cover security for all of them. The Elders want to know how much money they need to set aside for you once you have completed your membership?

Please just let me know at your convenience my son. Don't let me get in the way of your work.

Pastor Moses

Showing some self-control, and only a modest amount of greediness, he raises the amount a bit.

Quote:

Dear Pastor Moses, i will respond to your mail whenever i receive it.You are not distracting me.

The $4000 that i requested is for the designing of the website and also for security on the website and all the social media platforms that will be connected to the church website.

In other to be on a safer side and to manage any further expenses that might arise during the designing of the website, i would like you to tell the Elders to make it $5000. Its better to have sufficient than to be short of budget.

Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:32 am

Archie tells Hilts about what the Pastor is asking him to do for Stage 2:

Quote:

Hello Mr Hilts, How are you doing?

I have been talking to Mr Roger and his Pastor frequently, But the task that they are given me are too much for me. The membership process is far from ending. I was told that i am now in stage 2 of the membership process.

In this stage 2, i was told to rewrite the entire book of Exodus on a white paper with a black pen. Only God knows when i will get that done. The book of Exodus in the bible contains 40 chapters and over 1000 verses. How on this earth am i gonna rewrite all within one week.

Like i said earlier, we have to be patience with this membership procedures, nothing good comes easy. (Indeed)

I believe that by the time i complete the membership process, there will be a great rewards and we shall do business with Mr Roger and the entire church members.

Please be patience.

I like where this lad's head is. He's ours, completely.

Hilts tells him to keep plugging away:

Quote:

Hey dude, I haven't heard from you in a hot minute! Glad your still on the job.

Hold up though, your telling me they want you to copy out the whole fucking Bible? Shit is crazy dude, but if it's just copying it, that sounds easy enough.

If that's what they want you to do, I guess you better get on it right quick so we can get fucking paid. I'll wait a bit longer, but try to get it done as soon as you can. My buddy can't wait forever.

It should be fun having Hilts pester the lad for the next few weeks, asking him when he's going to finish the writing.

Meanwhile, Archie didn't bite on Roger asking if he had any friends ready to join:

Quote:

Hello Mr Roger, what i mean is that i have been telling people about the old Gods and also to let them know that the church will soon be establish here. They are excited.

I haven't gotten any interested member yet, but i am sure that the church will heartily welcome.

Then he told Roger what the Pastor asked him to do:

Quote:

Dear Roger, Pastor Moses has sent me stage 2 literary devolution, he said the Elders ask me to rewrite the entire book of Exodus with a black ink on a white paper.

And that i should scan the written works and send it to you and him. Honestly the task appear huge but i promise to be fast with it.

What advise do you have for me on this stage?

He seems much more optimistic about it when talking to Roger, as opposed to what he told Hilts.

Roger gives him some worthless advice:

Quote:

I am very glad that your taking the task seriously and recognizing how impotent it is. Truly it is a great honor that you've been selected to do your literary devolution with Exodus, a very Holy Book of the Bible indeed!

My advise to you is that you take great care when doing the writing, and go slow if you need to. You don't want to do things quickly and mess them off. I will warn you, the Elders take this Stage very seriously and they will probably not except a submission that has many mistakes or looks sloppy. So take the proper amount of time.

You should prey and think of the Old Gods when your doing the writing, and I am sure They will guild you to do the writing with the fullest devolution. I remember doing my literary devolution, the Elders had me write out the Book of Genesis. I suppose that is the very beginning of the Bible, and that is a very good place to start. But still, I am actually some what jealous that your getting to do Exodus! You should consider your self very lucky!

Let's see what he produces for us. No matter how quickly he gets to it, this should take him a while to complete. I love giving lads pointless busy work. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:03 pm

Pastor Moses wrote:

She had also heard of one that the young people are using that is called Tinder.

Don't forget about Grindr Wink

Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:08 pm

Quote:

The book of Exodus in the bible contains 40 chapters and over 1000 verses.

I stand corrected. Laughing

Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:47 pm

I assume that whatever version of the Bible he uses will not be the same version that the MUIE church uses so a do-over will be in order...

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Ah, but it's not MUIE, Avalar, it's the Church of the Old God's - a whole nother thing. Lol

Still, plenty of scope to find fault with lad and what will be (we hope) his copious writings, I am sure. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 11:18 am

I get my church baits mixed up Wink

Posted: Fri May 12, 2017 2:30 am

Just a quick update: Archie has been completely silent for almost two weeks now. Roger has prodded him a few times, asking for updates on the Bible writing, but he has not responded. Hilts has also reached out, with the same result.

Either he is hard at work on the writing and too busy to respond, or he's balked at the amount of work involved and given up on joining the Church. I will keep trying from both Roger and Hilts until I get a response.

419Eater is my life Joined: 28 Jun 2013 Posts: 274

What's his problem?

If I remember Exodus correctly (or at least the Charlton Heston/Yul Brenner version of it), it depicted some rough events: water turning into blood, all the first born getting killed, and entire army getting drowned in the red sea etc.

It should have taught him that being a simple scribe is a soft life compared to what could be.

He clearly learned nothing.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

He's also ignoring Pastor Moses. He probably lost heart when he realized what a large project we gave him, but you never know. Maybe he will surprise us and come back at some point with the finished texts. Fingers crossed...

Posted: Sun May 14, 2017 7:24 pm

The Old Gods can be very demanding. Maybe they would settle for a Mark of Devotion?

Posted: Thu May 18, 2017 3:57 am

Just when I thought Archie must have twigged or dropped us, he suddenly contacts Roger:

Quote:

Dear Roger, I so sorry for not responding to your mail, i am truly sorry.

I have been devoted to the written of the stage two of my membership task and i have completed the writing, i will scan and send it to you and Pastor Moses tomorrow.

I want to reassure you that i am truly committed to the be a member of Church of old Gods. Please do not doubt my commitment whenever i don't respond to your mail. You should know that there is a reason for my absence.

I will get in touch with you soon.

I can't wait to see what he sends.

And he also gives an update to Hilts:

Quote:

I am sorry dude, i have been busy with the stage two of the membership process. I have complete writing the entire book of Exodus 40 chapters.

I will let you know what they have to say when i submit it to them.

Hilts is pleased to hear it:

Quote:

No worries dude, I didn't realize they had you so fucking busy. Glad to hear your still on board for the job. Let me know what those idiots say when you submit it.

After your done with this though, do you think you'll be all done with your membership? Should I tell my buddy we're gonna start moving the cash soon?

I wonder how much longer he thinks this will take. Would be amusing to let him see the light at the end of the rail tunnel, only to quickly add several more miles of track when he gets too close. Twisted Evil

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1942

Lad spends two weeks writing out one of the Books of the Bible. clapping

Maybe he did such a good job he can do the rest of them. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Yep, he got back to Moses too..

Quote:

Hello Pastor, i am sorry for not replying your mails. I have been busy writing the stage 2,
i have completed it, i will scan it and send it to you soonest.

I am sorry for taken so long.

Moses is surprised and happy to hear from him after all this time...

Quote:

My goodness! Where have you been my son? I thought we had lost you to the heathens!

You have completed Stage 2? That is wondrous news! Praise the Gods! I am most exited to read your writings.

Pastor Moses

Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods	View next topic View previous topic