"Can I do X"

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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 6:23 pm

Calvary greetings!

It has come to my attention that in the "frequently asked questions of Eater and baiting" there is one that seems more difficult to answer than the others. While it's fairly easy to suggest what you should do when a lad asks for your passport scan or phone number, it is far more complicated to answer the ages old question: "Can I do this or that?"

The ages old answer to that likewise antediluvian question has (at least since I've been around) been "don't do anything you are uncomfortable with." While that's still a good answer, I think we could use something more concrete. Therefore, in order to help anyone who might be asking that question, I have created a simple and, I believe, fool-proof method of answering it with a simple 6-point checklist.

How it works
You take this list and go in front of a mirror.
You look at whatever hideous monster looks back at you in the eye.
You ask these six (6) questions from the said hideous monster out loud.
The hideous monster answers either "yes" or "no". Nothing else.
You listen to what the hideous monster answers very carefully.
Based on the answers you get from the hideous monster, you make your decision.

Question 1 : Am I involving or inconveniencing innocent third parties?

We are dealing with criminals here. That's because we're weird. Most of the world's population likely thinks we are crazy. We're not a Happy Sunday Sunshine Soccer -club. So please keep the rest of the world's population out of your baiting activities and consider them innocent until proven guilty. When in doubt, please use common sense.

Question 2 : Am I endangering myself?

We are dealing with criminals here. That's because we're weird. We like ourselves in one weird shaped piece and therefore would not suggest doing anything that might result in us finding ourselves in multiple pieces, no matter how weird they might be. We also find that we are more efficient at taking the internet criminals down when we have all of our vital functions working 100 % and therefore it is advisable to keep them that way.

Question 3 : Am I doing anything that would make the scammer better at scamming?

We are dealing with criminals here. That's because we're weird. Being weird sometimes makes us fairly clever in weird ways and we might find the scammers making simple mistakes that to us look very stupid. However, we do not want to educate them or provide them with any tools or methods that might make them more believable and therefore better scammers in the eyes of their real victims. Because that would be too weird even for us.

Question 4 : Am I doing anything illegal?

We are dealing with criminals here. That's because we're weird. However, that does not mean we ourselves should become criminals. When in doubt on whether something is illegal or not, consult your local laws. However, if you need to even ask, then yes, it's most likely illegal. Don't do it.

Question 5 : Am I doing anything unethical?

We are dealing with criminals here. That's because we're weird. But at least we are weird in honest ways and would like to think we are better than the said criminals, who are also weird but in nasty and stinky ways. So we don't do any silly stuff like racism here because that would be weird in a wrong way. When in doubt, consult Eater's ethics and then your personal ethics. If you absolutely want to be unethical, please at least be unethical somewhere else.

Question 6 : Am I doing anything that would mean less beer for Duckling?

Look, it's really no skin off my beak if you do something silly and end up in trouble as long as you don't insist on involving my tail feathers in it. But a line absolutely has to be drawn somewhere, and this is the tie-breaker where your resident cranky duck would get upset. That is...not advisable. Just please don't do it.

How to interpret the results

By the end of the list, the hideous monster should have given you 6 answers, all of which are either "yes" or "no". If it said "no" to all the questions, it should be OK for you to do whatever you were about to do. If it said "yes" to any of the above, consider strongly dropping the idea and doing something else. Adult beverages are located in the bar on the right: consider utilizing them while you come up with a new plan.

That is all.

And yes, it's Saturday evening. Beer with me.

Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 6:37 pm

May I suggest a modification?

Am I endangering or inconveniencing a third party?

Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 6:44 pm

^ or better yet - involving third party in any way

Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 7:08 pm

Hmm, I sort of imagined those to be synonymous, seeing the nature of our work here, but fair points. Editing the OP from "endangering" to "involving or inconveniencing".