Goodbye everyone

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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:01 pm

I know I am not a prolific poster however I have been a dedicated member for quite a while. I just wanted to say goodbye. Apparently there is an assassin who has "his eyes on me" and is going to kill my family and I. I received the email about two weeks ago. His "men" will only be called off if I Western Union $5,000. I don't have $5,000 so, sadly, I will be killed. I have pleaded with him to let me sell my guitar and bike and attempt to raise the money. I was able to raise $782.63. I told the assassin and he said that will delay my murder but I must send immediately. I went to this Western Union place he mentioned but there were signs all over which said "Do not send money to strangers" so I told the assassin that I wasn't comfortable. Did he have a bank account I could wire to? He happily provided a Bank of America account. I was busy at work so I didn't make it to the bank until the next business day and my banker sent the transfer three business days. I had neglected to tell him I was about to be killed and that is his standard transfer window with the lowest fees. After a couple days the assassin informed that he had a new bank account for me to send to. A Chase account. In the meantime I joined a church and prayed for salvation as I am meeting my maker. I haven't had time to wire... Ive also asked to speak to the assassins as they might enjoy finding the lord as well.

Anyway, all of my delays have made the assassin mad so I presume that I may be dead soon. He tells me he has more men with eyes on my family and I than ever. It is almost time.

Just wanted to say thank you to my old mentor Just Cold and everyone here and to carry on without me.

Adios.

Surfowl

Very Happy

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:02 pm

Sorry to hear this awful news. Are you sure there is nothing we can do to help? Perhaps some of us can talk to him to calm things down?

Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:13 pm

Please, post the opening message at Surplus so we can all bait him!!!

We're running out of hitlads, you can see two of them on this thread.

Hitlads are rare collection pieces.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:30 pm

Have you ever considered getting your own ninja?

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:42 pm

Dear Surfowl,
Thank you for coming out of hiding to post your farewell message. I will be really sorry to read the news about your imminent demise, but perhaps we can use it as a cautionary tale to keep others safe from deadly assassins.

There is one positive aspect to your sad tale: from my mental arithmetic it sounds like the Head Assassin will be making very little money, maybe even taking a loss on your murder.... exactly how much depends on the number of men he has on you, and their pay rate.

I can't quite tell how long you've been under the gun but let's say he has an absolute minimum of men: two men watching you at all times, paid at the US minimum wage of $7.25/hr, ready to shoot on notice. Setting aside the issue of whether one would want to rely on minimum wage gunmen, that comes to $174 per man per day or $1218/man/week. If more than 2 weeks have passed, he's in the red already, not even counting overtime or expenses like bullets or meals.

Anyway, in the last few moments you have alive, please follow Haruna's advice and add the info from this dangerous threat to the surplus forum, so that others can beg for mercy in your memory.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:48 pm

He'll need 100 ninjas. This is a lad hitman. They are known for sniping from 3 (yes 3) miles away. Since I live in the city, I always pictured a lad in a hot air balloon.

Anyway, there isn't anything we can do against such a force. So long Surfowl Sad

Eta I don't know, maybe you can call the Avengers. They might stand a chance since we're in the age of Ultron. If so, send the black widow my way. The hulk will be busy with the lad anyway.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:53 pm

^^^I believe ninjas do tall buildings. While it may appear there are 100, that is a sneaky ninja trick. It's only one. Do not underestimate them.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 1:08 pm

How about 100 kunoichi then?

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 1:26 pm

They would just melt the lad's mind and he would never know they were there. Surfowl, seriously, send a WU transfer to some ninjas for protection. If you go with the kunoichi, it will probably require a bank to bank transfer.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:04 pm

Just scored another bank account from him and reported it. Will post in surplus and thanks for the ideas!! Fun fun

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:08 pm

Nailgunner wrote:

Sorry to hear this awful news. Are you sure there is nothing we can do to help? Perhaps some of us can talk to him to calm things down?

Twisted Evil

By all means. I want to live. His info is in surplus.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:25 pm

Quote:

thank you to my old mentor Just Cold

Thanks my ass. According to Eater rules:

somebsrulejustmadeup wrote:

Should a mentee be assassinated after graduation, there will be a mentor fee applied to his/her estate for services rendered.

My fee is 10,000,000 US. Should you had received B8er for a mentor, your estate would have been owed money.

(We will HOWEVER accept good wine in lieu of cash. Wink

)

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:34 pm

^^^ Is that the going rate for a rendition of dueling banjos and half an hour introduction to noodling?

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 3:18 pm

I'll ask him if his mum remembers me, that usually gets the conversation off to a gotd start.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:41 pm

Assassins are notoriously disloyal. Perhaps if someone offers him enough money, he might agree to forego you and instead take out one of your enemies. Of course, since you wouldn't want your name attached to any such transaction, you might need to do several small bank transfers or have to use that 50-page secure WU thingie...

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:58 pm

Surfowl wrote:

Just scored another bank account from him and reported it. Will post in surplus and thanks for the ideas!! Fun fun

Huh, I thought it was for real and was writing an obituary Embarassed

Not quite a Newb Joined: 23 Mar 2016 Posts: 26

I just had a lovely chat with the lad. A swell guy all around.

https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2251901#2251901

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

You know, perhaps this is why we tend to lose so many members. Those damn assassins. Gonna miss you around here. Say hi to Hendrix for me.

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:28 am

Justcold wrote:

Quote:

thank you to my old mentor Just Cold

Thanks my ass. According to Eater rules:

somebsrulejustmadeup wrote:

Should a mentee be assassinated after graduation, there will be a mentor fee applied to his/her estate for services rendered.

My fee is 10,000,000 US. Should you had received B8er for a mentor, your estate would have been owed money.

(We will HOWEVER accept good wine in lieu of cash. Wink

)

Justcold: I never have found you to be particularly perceptive. I always thought you were wrapped up in your lil Okie world. How did you know I have access to amazing wine?

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:39 am

^

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:20 pm

I'm in touch with the assisin. This is hardly any surprise, but since he uses gmail I wanted to be sure about his IP:

Quote:

41.190.3.78 has just clicked on xxxxxxxx.
Our Geo IP script shows the following location data for this IP:
Country Code=NG,
State/Province=05,
City=Lagos,
Postal Code=,
Latitude=6.4531,
Longitute=3.3958

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Surfowl, you must not be much of a person, since the going rate for your life is only $5k. He is demanding $10k from me

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:59 pm

@Surfowl and Haruna: Just so you know, if the assisin kills you, we won't let him take over your Premium memberships.

@Jayhawk: I think Premium members get 50% off the usual hitlad rate.

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:15 pm

Surfowl wrote:

Just wanted to say thank you to my old mentor Just Cold and everyone here and to carry on without me.

For what? He's the one that got you into this mess in the first place.

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:39 pm

I'm offended my life is only worth $5,000.

However, it gets worse: I was only able to sell my guitar and haven't been able to raise any more funds as apparently all my friends and relatives hate me.

Now my life is only worth $783.62. WTF?!He's accepted that to call off his boys. He's sent me another bank account to transfer the funds to. Another BOA account. I'm feeling a bit ill (severe pains in my side) though and may end up in the hospital before I can make the transfer. I hope my family will remain safe while I recover from the appendectomy.