The Long Goodbye

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

I had thought this bait, which has been on since October, had fizzled out in February, after the lad had been incapable of getting past the first five questions in The Reverend's excellent SPTS modality. I had moved on since then and was otherwise engaged, but then the lad (unwittingly?) bombed my character with the opener of an entirely different format to the original, via his FishmeetFish account.

The lad's quotes are in normal type, except where he gets 'A Little Agitated', at which point, stand by for severe eye strain! I've tried to keep faith with his WP formats, but in some instances, the type I use will be considerably smaller than that used by him. In fact, I didn't know, until I encountered his efforts, that it was possible to use type in an email of the size used by him! The dark red quotes are the lad's and interjections [in square brackets], are mine:
PM :

Quote:

Hallo Miss M****m. You leaving me a big massage in FishmeetFish. Please what this about? You want for me to marry you?

M****m:

Quote:

OH HONEY..yes honey i want you to marry me ok..
YOU AGAIN..
Ho w are you doing i sent mail but the mail comes failure delivery .i was worried then. Am still seeking for your very honest help my darling husband.honey so you are alive thank GOD..
HOW ARE the sheep’s in farm I hope they are doing fine for now .
Honey you know what to day my happiest day in my life for future to come back to me.please I honest needs your. All you needto dop is to go any near money gram to send me the £200. TO complete the money for the bank reactivation.
Here details below.

[same old details for money transfer as before, Followed by the biggest lump of cut-and-paste inconsequential romantic drivel I'd ever seen, so I'll leave that out:

Quote:

OK, now M****m I must think about this very carefully. I gave you my new email address on 31 January and it hasn't changed. Why suddenly you send me messages again?

Quote:

I'm Deeply In Love With You
My Darling,
How was you day.hopefully fine.the first email you gave me i sent mail but the mail came back failure delivery.i stop writing you since for now..…that is the reason have send mail again sop that you could reply back. but i am glad to have your second email which i am using to reach you for now..hopefully this time our dreams must surely come true..i have
carefully choosen you to be my lovely husband..please your best possible to meetup on time..

[...Another large vomit-inducing pile of inane Romance crap...]

Please i want to comeup to my lasting soultion this time urgently..i am counting on you for sincerity and trust and love..please kindly use MoneyGram to the £200.
To enable me use to complete the missing £200. FOR THE MONEY FOR THE BANK REACTIVATION..pleasse my love..you the the one keeping here.if you have sent this money since i know i could be with since but notwithstanding you try your best on the side western union..due their system i could not pickup the money..honey i have came to know you are the real mam for me very soon we will be together in love in your country..this your time my love.kindly help me .i love you.honey are you sending the money ..

Yours wife.

M****m with love & trust..

[Glamour photos attached]

Quote:

honey
how are today..how is your health i hope you ok by now..i am missing you.how are going to spend the weekend honey?KINDLY TELL WHEN ARE SEND THE £20 PLEASE UPDATE ME...
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE MONEY THROUGH MONEY GRAM..WITHOUT DELAY I SHALL JOIN YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY OUR MARRIAGE.AND I WILL START A NEW LIFE WITH YOU...HOPING YOU WILL NOT HURT ME AT LAST..

[Another great globule of greasy love drivel here - clearly a straight lift from somewhere on the
internet]

YOURS WIFE M****m I LOVE YOU FORVER..

[Attachments area - more glamour shots][/quote]

Quote:

You did not understand my email. I was not asking you to marry me. I don't trust you. I don't even like you any more. I don't believe your excuses for not writing to me. This is coming from the very same email address as the one you said was delivery failure. How can I believe you after all the hard time you gave me. Even when I sending money to you, you letted it lie because you too lazy to answer a few questions? That is no way to treating the one you say you love. I went through pain and troubles to send that money to you and all you did was cry and send me stupid lies. All is well in the farm and I very busy to selling all the new baby lambs and getting rich so M****m I have no time for you now and I think it time for you and me to say bye

Quote:

My love. i try to ask people what haapened threy told is the poor net work made the mail i send you not to go.
My apology.please kindly forgive me from the heath of you heart..iam not lier i hate lies ok..my dear please i want to know that nonthing good comes easily..please calm dowm please kindly help out pity minf have mercy upon me my dear..i amcrying for you to forvive me.0please i need your help .now are ready help to use money gram to send me the £200 today.
Believe you me soonest we be together jut find a place in heart to forgive me please i am begging and pleading with you..please get back to me.

[This time, there followed three long quotes from the Bible. I really want, at this stage to trash this mendacious hypocritical little twerp. After all, I have other interesting things on the go and he's getting in the way, but deep down there's a part of me that's saying. "This is great fun. keep on letting him dangle." What's more, he's attached a beautiful pair of 'documents' allegedly from the HSBC bank - not the Bank he had originally claimed was holding his huge fortune]:

Quote:

OK, M****m, now listen to me. I cannot abandon you like you doing to me. You needing my help to get your money freed up, but I cannot do this for you unless you stop all your nonsense and getting things messing up and crying. I going into Town tomorrow, and I will take big risk for you and look for moneygram place. If I not find moneygram, then OK I try for WU again but not happy about this. I doing this for old timings sake, but you must promise me that this time you will do everything right and not mess up again. This is all I will do for you. Nothing else. If you mess up, I will grab the money back and you not hearing from me ever again. Now you telling me once again new details for this and when I having this done then I will send details back to you under secure system so it all safe.

[(THINKS)Might hit the bastard with a second SPTS, later.... nah I'll dolla-chop instead]....

Quote:

M****m, do you know somebody called Serena? Somebody sent me a message saying she is your friend and you are too upset to deal with this. She said she would collect the money for you. What is going on?

Quote:

My dear lovelyone.
Thanks for your kindness to me.for not abandon me .yes i needing your help to get the money freed.you are just the most wonderful person in the whole world and i think you know that i feel that way.i love you.you alwayss make me feel so happy today.if o do not tell you often enough.just that i think you already know how i feel.i am here to tell you how much i appreciate you so i want to be happy with i have wipe all my tear.i will never cry.i know that there are other things you can do with your timecareing for me to help me of my sitution.yet you showed me that you are caring for me was important to thank you for coming up to my lasting solution..i am counting on you tomorrow as you sinererily promise i have take your word.that you going to the town tomorrow to send the money through Money GRAM.i promise you i will not mess up again. I shall stop all nonsense and not getting things messing up and i am crying.no more…

Here is the details.use to send the £200 tomorrow.
Below..
First name NWANKWO
Second names.BLESSING NGOZI.
DESTINATION.IVORY COAST. [Oh, yes! Thanks for reminding me - I nearly forgot Silly me]

kindly help me doing this for me for old timings sake [Oh look - de-educating does work! See my last message]

I WILL BE GLAD WAITING THE PAYMENTS DETAILS AS SOON AS YOU SEND MONEY TOMORROW.
YOURS IN MIND

Quote:

What about this girl Serena?

Quote:

mydear.
for GOD SAKE I DO NOT KNOW ANY somebody called Serena.PLEASE I DO NOT KNOW ANY BODY .I AM ON MY OWN..KINDLY HELP AS YOU PROMISE ME PLEASE FORGET THIS Serena. DO NOT KNOW..PLEASE NEVER YOU LISTEN..JUST DELETE THEIR MAIL URGENTLY FOR OUR OWN GOOD...
PLEASE BE VERY CAREFULL..NEVER BELIEVE THEM..I DO NOT KNOW HER.PLEASE I SWEAR TO GOD..FOR TO KNOW SHE IS LIAR ..
THANKS.
YOURS M****m

Quote:

I don't know what to think any more. She said she sees you around the market a lot and you go to cafe together. What is happening M****m? I need to know. NOW

Quote:

where are you? Why you not answer?

Quote:

please forget her she a liar..i never know such person in my life..tell her to give my pictures to know the truth..if you someone very well you will her pictures..please comply with forget this stupid liar..never believe her..here is cellphone +**********
call now let talk..
tell her since she said she know me M****m for you to know to the real truth.tell to her give you my cell phone...i have given my cellphone above .if she give the number you croos the check numbers if is the same this the only i can clearify from tis great liar...
oh. my GOD please tell her not email you again....then you hear what she tell you.just her she a good liar that trust very .i do not move around in market places..she must be mad..

please i do want any thing to upset you since you made up your mind to help torrow just go ahead and help out.. do love now tell why all this let goaway from you ..
yours M****m upset.

Quote:

Honey
i have reply you..

Quote:

She saying big market near to Culture Palace.

Quote:

my dear
Culture Palace.
there no such place here in ivory coast.

.she is a liar..tell her to given you my cell phone number from there you catch to be a big liar please be careful.since liar that she know that give you my cellphone number..from you understand the real truth..plsease not write again that M****m is been upset over this her liaring

Quote:

I don't know any more i think this not good If she is liaring how come she knowing you and me together. This all very strange. I think you messing up again. Not keeping things secrets. How can I trust you?

Quote:

my dear.
all i have with you is my deep sectets.please trust..i am not messing up ok.be sincerer to..me i have told YOU tell HER to GIVE you my cellphone number..
ok she is liaring .i have tell any about you and i myself do know her .i swear to GOD..

Quote:

MY DEAR .
now listen to me. I AM HONEST WITH YOU.PLEASE NEVER YOU TELL ME YOU DO NOT TRUST ME .. I TRUST YOU FROM THE HEART OF MY HEART NEVER ALLOW ANYBODY TO COMEIN BETWEEN US PLEASE PREVENT THAT JUST NOT WRITE…WRITE HER CALL HER LIAR YOU WILL SEE SHE NOT WRITE YOU AGAIN..
YOU SHOULD BELIEVE ME.. PLEASE BE CARE SHE IS A HICKER..PLEASE MUST SURE YOU CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD NOW NOW..PLEASE FOR OF GOD..

Quote:

OK I look on Google and I see this in Abijan:

[Google Maps image of area where I know the lad is based.
This knowledge acquired and captured during the SPTS process
- a second invaluable tool built into it]

THAT is market in Abijan near Culture Palace, so now WHO IS LYING?

Quote:

She telling me you are big whore in Abijan. You giving blow-job.

I think maybe somebody not liking you very much I don't know now. Maybe I forget all about you. I have haad enough. Must go to feed the lambs

Quote:

my dear ?
all this place i have not been before here iN abidjan..i do not go from place to place believe me not what is this all about today?..
NOW TRYING INSULT ME OR WHAT..PLEASE IF WILOING TO HELP JUST HELP..I DO NOT KNOW HER PLEASE..IF SUCH PLACE IS EXTENING I DO NOT GO THERE BEFORE.HONESTLY I DO NOT KNOW THIS YOU ARE TALKING HERE.IS YOUR GIRL FRIEND NOW YOUWANT USE BECAUSE KNOWING A NEW GIRL TO LET ME DOWN HER TO INSULT ME WHY..WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU WRONG THIS TIME TELL ME

Quote:

MY DEAR.
WHAT IS BLOW JOB..I DO NOT KNOW..PLEASE ARE INSTULTING BECAUSE ANOTHER GIRL CONTACTED YOU..LET ME TELL I SEEKING FROM FROM ALL THIS WHILE I HAVE STRESING WHY ...ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS

Quote:

my dear.
i shall be to waiting tomorow as soon as you send the money..
thanks for making up your mind to help me for oney to freedthanks
yours

Quote:

OK M****m, now I finished feeding the lambs and now I thinking a lot about this.

I am going to write things here for you to read very, very carefully. If you not understanding you must tell me so

First thing is maybe I being too hard on you

Second thing is you have to prove this is right

Next thing is I not sure yet that I still go tomorrow to WU or MG for you first you must pass my test

Next is we have to be more carefully with things

Because you living in a dangerous place

Next thing you must prove to me that it is you I must trust. That Serena said some things about you that worrys for me

So now you must do what I say and nothing else and this is FOREVER

If not I find another woman for me who is more truthful

If you pass my test then I have a big idea for us I will send enough money for you to get passport and plane ticket and nice clothes to wear and you can come here to me away from the troubles.

When you are here then I will tell my Bank to contact your bank and get your money safe here.

I will tell you more about the test if you say you understand this and you say yes, you will let me test you

Quote:

My dear respected the man of my life.
Honey is not being hard on me.
Relationship the woman must be submissive to the man. Because man is the head of the house..
I am here to prove it you o.k. dear I must respect you by doing what you said. it me you must trust serena.ok. I am innocent girl I know nothing about what he saying. She a great liar.

I am glad to hear from you that when I am with you in your country .you will inform your bank to contact my bank and get money safe over to your country’s real loves this idea will help to remove fear. And more also It will help both us to build a strong trust and .with truthfulness’

Never give blow job to strangers. Why me oh my GOD must fight for me.
Know he will never let me down go on with your test my dear
.am all ears..

You test I shall pass your test my dear because I am open minded girl. Easy going .good honest hearted girl.) I strong believe in me I shall pass your test then you have a big idea for us. you will send enough money for me to get passport and plane ticket and nice clothes to wear and then shall join you in your country for me away from the troubles.honey thanks for your understanding..and love for me I love from the heart of my heart..
yours in mind
yours mariam

Quote:

OK I not sure about this blow job thing and whoring around and maybe have AIDS. I have to be sure.
So here is first part of the test. You must get AIDS TEST.
When you get this you send me pictures.
First one with Doctor when he giving you AIDS TEST CERTIFICATE. so I know you did it.
Next picture with the Doctor him showing you ( b:with a banana) what means 'blow job'. Then I know you know this important thing.
Send me copy of the AIDS TEST CERTIFICATE. Do all this first because I must be happy you are clean.

Quote:

my dear.
listen very carefully i am very very disappoint in for telling this ..ok.
now this is my test for you ..kindly send the £150
FOR THE EXPENCES I UNDER GO.
I AM GLAD TO DO THE TEST TO PROVE TO YOU AND STUPID FRIENA SERENA OR WHAT YOU CALLED HER SHE THE ONE IS HAVING AID OK.MY DEAR I AM VERY VERY SAD WITH NOW IF YOU DO NOT SEND THE £50 FOR THE MEDICAL TEST FOR AIDS..PLEASE NEVER YOU WRITE OR MAIL..
I BELIEVE MY GOD WILL MAKE A WAY FOR ME SINCE YOU ARE HERE TO ABOUNDON ME ON THE HALF WAY I WILL LAVE EVERY THING TO GOD. ALMIGHT..SEND THE MONEY

OR WE BYE BYE..

Quote:

You no need to test me. I working hard for you. AND DO NOT SHOUT!! MONEY IS COMING. How much you want? first you say £200 then you say £150 then you say £50. Maybe tomorrow it is £30 and you will stop these stupid games so I will send that then no more until you show me you have Aids test certificate
Now you read this very carefully:

AIDS test is very simple. Also in your country It is very, very cheap also because you have much AIDS there and World Health, United Nations UK, USA and France all working to help you. I know this.

You take this money and you not complain and crying and make a big fuss and you get the test. This your last chance to show me you really serious and want to come here. If you do this then maybe we go ahead.

LAST CHANCE OR YOU LOSE OUT AND I STAY RICH UP TO YOU!

Quote:

my dear.i can not do anything with you a big fool getout i am total upset by you..
if you do not send money
the serena you trusted now i wil you write that you cry for lossing a big money..
this the mail he send to me

How far smallgirl. you no wantin big chance OK you are loosin sheepman maga fast.

On 30 March 2015 at 14:07, A******i K******n <**********@gmail.com> wrote:
OK smallboi. I not hick any more for ur box if you come to me and work - OK u lettin me no

On 30 March 2015 at 13:01,A******i K******n <**********@gmail.com> wrote:
Yo small boi love guyman I tink mebbe you looses sheepman mugu to me Ooooo1

below..

Quote:

DO NOT CALL ME A FOOL!!

I do not understand any of this. You are still playing games with me. Who is A******i K******n? What is that all about? What means smallboi love guyman? THAT NOT EVEN ENGLISH. WHAT IS ALL THIS STUPIDTY?.

OK Mariam I Will write to Serena. Maybe she can tell me what games you are playing. Looks like she is right about you. BYE BYE

Quote:

Just so you know I did get to WU and I sent you some money. Then I emailed this Amarachi man:

Dear A******* K*******. Please help me. Do you know Mariam Debaby? She sent me a strange email that I did not understand. It had your address in it She wanting to be my wife. I am trying to pay for her to come and join me in Scotland, UK but she is very upset right now and is writing strange things to me. Please tell me all you know about her. Thank you.

Phil Matrooz

This evening he sent me this:

From: A******* K******* <***********[email protected]>
Date: Thu, Apr 2, 2015 at 8:16 PM

Dear Mr Matrooz,

Thank you for writing to me. I am a respected business man in Abidjan, Côte d'Ivoire, which is known in English as The Ivory Coast, West Africa.

Yes, I know this woman Mariam. She and many of her friends has a bad reputations around the large market area of the Marché de Treichville, in this city. My advice to you is to be careful in your association with her. I cannot say any more about this, but if you feel you would like my help with anything, please be rest assure that I am happy to help,

Yours in Faith,
Remain Blessed,
A******* K*******

So now I know. After the Easter weekend I going back to WU and get my money back. BYEBYE liar

What follows arrived as I was about to publish this. It's well worth a read for all the hilarious malapropisms and typos and the desperate, pleading nature of the script

Quote:

Dear beloved one ;
Thanks for given details..for i am honest respected good heart girl .here in in Abidjan, Côte d'Ivoire,.
Sinerely ..honestly i am not a liar .by the grace of GOD..
i am truthfull faithful .innnocent girl with good moral..and high dignty.i have never sell many body for money never if i were such one i could not have asking for this little help from.i make vow not to have without mary to a dent honest good hearted .man like.you.
I read his mail carefull. She her was serena now her are A******i K******n.so with his alone as wise as you are you can not acknowlege she a big liar…
I want know from as your honest wife to be.take this or you leave you will never regret in know me or in helping ..i swear to GOD ALMIGHT IN HEAVEN IF WHAT SHESAID IS TRUE LET THE ALMIGHTY GOD JEHOVAH .SEE WHO IS A LIAR I HAVE TRY MY BEST POSSIBLE TO PROVE TO THAT I AM INNCOENT ..SHE JUSE ACCUSED ME OF WHAT I KNOW NONTHING.ABOUT WELL GREAT.GOD KNOW THAT THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE IS REV.SISTER NWANKWO.SHE ALLWAYS PUT ME IN THE WAY OF THE LORD..I PRAY IF IS THE WILL OF GOD THAT YOU HELP ME LET IT BE..FOR I STRONG COUNTING ME AS ONE THAT HAS GOOD reputations I HAVE NEVR BEEN around the large market area of the Marché de Treichville, in this city.IN MY LIFE.BECAUSE I AM STAYING REV SISTER NWANKWO.. My advice to you is to be careful ABOUT HER..I MYSELF WILL USE BECAUSE I AM SEEKING HELP FROM CAST THE IMAGE OF MY FOLLOW HUMAN GOD IS AGAINST..MY association with WITH REV. SISTER NWANWO.
I HAVE NEVER SELL MY BODY BEFORE IN THE NAME OF MONEY GOD FORBID THAT…
PLEASE MY DEAR RESPECTED ONE.MAY PLEASE KINDLY HELP ME GOD is using to help please for for love and the sake of GOD..I PROMISE I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN.
PLEASE I WAS HIGHLY UPSET BECAUSE WHEN HEAR THIS NEWS FROM YOU THAT I MYSELF DO SELL MY BODY FOR MONEY I WAS MAD THAT IS THE RESAON.PLEASEI AM BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH TO FORGIVE ME FOR CALLING A FOOL OK.I WAS UPSET..PLEASE BE A MAN AND DO NOT GIVE UP.THE JOY WILL BE YOURS.BELIEVE YOU ME.I FULLLY KNOWS WELL THAT SHE SEEKING AID FOR BUSSINESS TRANSACTION..FROM PLEASE KINDLY BE CAREFULLY .THE DEVIL YOU NOW IS BETTER THAN THE ANGLE YOU DO NOT KNOW.. I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY WORD I WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.I AM GIVEN YOU A SOLIDIFIED ASSURANCE FROM THE HEART OF MY HEART..MY LOVELY DIVINE HELPER..
PLEASE I AM COUNTING ON YOU FOR COMINGUP TO MY LASTING SOLUTION..PLEASE BE KIND TO ME..PLEASE GIVE THE DETILS OF THE MONEY YOU.OK.DO NOT BE UPSET AT ME I AM FULLY INNCENT..DECENT GIRL…
I WILL BE GLAD TO HAVE THE PAYMENT DETAILS.FROM YOU.YOU SAID YOU HAVE SENT THE MONEY THROUGH WU..PLEASE KINDLY UPDATE ..
YOURS IN MIND
YOURS M****M WITH LOVE & TRUST

[... Tomorrow, dear, sweet fragrant M****m will receive a very sad email from another Scottish Farmer - the one who owns the farm next-door to P**l:]

Quote:

Dear Ms M****m D****y, I so very sorry to give you some very sad news. A friend of yours, Mr P***** M****** has been killed in a terrible accident on his farm. I am farmer too on the farm next to his. I was there on Friday morning and helping him testing new tractor, but it turned over on top of him. and he died before we could get him out.

As we waited for ambulance he talking to me but not for long. He told me your email address and write a piece of paper he said this important for you. I have put it here for you to see. It is a great pity that some of his blood got on it and it is difficult to see all the numbers he wrote. but maybe you can work it out.

Please I am very sorry for this sad news and hope this numbers that are so important for you you can read and understand. Please I will tell you later of funnery arrangements for buriall and maybe you will like to come. Please let me know.

Yours in grate sadness
L***** B******

But this might not be the last; you never know .... our greiving lad might take to bombing LB

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 3:21 pm

This is awesome! Love the bloodstained note!!!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Just after I posted the above, and about a hour after 'her' last message my adorable, faithful 'wife' sent me this:

Quote:

PLEASER DO NOT GO BACK to WU and get YOUR money back.
I AM NOT liar

SWEETHEART,

SWEETHEART, you have been the best MAN in the world. Any girl would die to be in my shoes. You have shown me so much even if you know little. I know you grew up rough and you say when I came to your life I changed you, but no one can change anyone - you're the only one with that power.

Thank you for all FOR THE MONEY YOU SENT .PLEASE SEND ME THE DETAILS TO ENABLE ME TO PICKUP THE MONEY FROM WU.AND GET BACK AT YOU..
You shower me with gifts and get me anything in the world, but even though you have money it didn't buy my love. Love should come naturally, which it did. You've bought me everything I have ever wanted and more the only thing left is ME

Well, I love you and no matter what your decision is, in the end please keep in your thoughts that I love you so much. All I ask for is your love in return when I need it. Material things are nice but love is best. You always told me that I was the finest girl you have ever seen and I was a notch so get off of work early and let's kick back together for once. I love you.

Love always,

YourS M****M

Don't think I'll send the 'death' message tomorrow after all. I'll wait until late Sunday night, so he opens it Monday morning. In the meantime, my fake lad is sending him regular taunts, but so far he hasn't bitten and sent anything back to him. Wish he would Twisted Evil