A failed attempt at bacon, but a special lad

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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:01 am

I’m posting this simply because the lad is so unbelievably stupid. I got a bunch of laughs out of this one. Every now and then I do a little speed-baiting to see how fast I can score a pig. Then, if it’s worth it, I slow it down to a crawl as the transfer fails over and over.

The spammy scammy:

Department of U.S Custom Authority Des Moines International Airport lowa.
SUBJECT; STOPPAGE ON THE PARCEL MARKED
We are writing to inform you that your consignment with registration number (0609) which was couriered by the contracted courier company FedEx Benin Republic has been stopped because of non-availability of TAX CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE that cover the amount of money involved by the officials of U.S.A,
And we conducted a routine check on all the goods which is our normal routine and during exercise, it was discovered that your CONSIGNMENT with the above registration bearing your name/address as below has no tax clearance coverage, BUT this Tax certificate will cost you the sum of $125USD.
Based on this, you are advised to reply to this email notification with a copy of this certificate, for immediate release of the parcel to your address stated below. We are sorry for any inconveniences this stoppage might cause you but this is our procedure which is for the total security of beneficiary’s package. This practice as it might interest you to know is to help us track down any package that was stolen.
Your parcel will remain here until this certificate is produced and you are given 3 working days to make this possible but failure to comply to this instruction, we shall consider this delivery as a BAD delivery and thereby go ahead to confiscate it by sending the diplomat Paul Mike back to his country.
We thank you for your attention as you adhere strictly for your own good.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Robert James
Director of Operations; Des Moines International Airport Lowa

(Yeah…”Lowa”. Great script.)

----

Consignment? What are you talking about?
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Department of U.S Custom Authority Des Moines International Airport lowa.
SUBJECT; STOPPAGE ON THE PARCEL MARKED
We are writing to inform you that your consignment with registration number
(0609) which was couriered by the contracted courier company FedEx Benin Republic has been stopped because of non-availability of TAX CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE that cover the amount of money involved by the officials of U.S.A,
And we conducted a routine check on all the goods which is our normal routine and during exercise, it was discovered that your CONSIGNMENT with the above registration bearing your name/address as below has no tax clearance coverage, BUT this Tax certificate will cost you the sum of $125USD.

(Yup, the first half of the same script.)

----

(Start counting the number of times I toss him a chance to tell me how much money I'm supposed to get...you know...the thing he says to get me to pay up.)

What kind of consignment? I'm not expecting anything and I've never been to Benin

(That's one.)

----

Its an ATM CARD vi
ctim compensation Fund from Benin Republic Government, therefore kindly follow our instruction to enable us release your consignment thanks reply back

----

An ATM card? Like from my bank?
I'm sorry, but this isn't making a lot of sense.

(Two.)

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its an ATM CARD approved by Benin Republic Government issued by united bank for Africa according to the ownership certificate we got from the Diplomat

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For what? I don't have a bank account in Benin. Why do I need an ATM card?

(Three.)

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Mr. Lou Sindor or to whom this may concern, your question to us is too much because we are not the compensator meanwhile for more information about this, you have to call Benin Republic secretary on +xxxxxxxxx being the approval because our duty is to make sure that every consignment was protected.

----

I'm sorry, but there's no phone service here at the hospice. Hell, at my age I probably couldn't hear it anyway.

You keep talking about a compensation. What exactly are you talking about?

(Four.)
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For more information about this, call +xxxxxx, but if you cannot be able to call, then follow our instruction by sending the clearance certificate fee of $125usd, to enable us release the diplomat then when he gets to your home, you have to know all about the compensation okay

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You don't know what the compensation is?

(Five.)

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You're still not answering my question. You keep talking about compensation and haven't told me what that is.

(Six.)
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please quite responding to this authority because we have may works at hand thanks

(I guess I’m wasting his time. Is he really telling me to forget it?)

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Well then who am I supposed to be talking to? You've only supplied a phone number that I can't use. Is there an email address?

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Email Benin Republic Government on ( [email protected] ) then ask them to give you information were to send the fee, in other to enable us release the diplomat today with your consignment again try and get back to with the clearance certificate sign and stamp by federal high court Benin thanks

(Oh, I get it. He also skipped the script that told me to contact the government and providing the email address. So he doesn’t want my money now and is attempting to move to the next step…without doing most of the first step.)

----

Okay, I hope they help with this.

----
get the certificate with them and send it to us right now
----

(So now I send the whole string to the government.)

If you read below, you'll see that the customs people have something for me but they haven't said what it is. Can you give me more details?

----
To the first lad: I sent them a message

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Then what is there respond

(Seriously? It's painfully obvious later that he's it. Goofy.)

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They haven't responded yet

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OKAY

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ATTENTION DEAR BENEFICIARY RESPONDS TO YOUR MAIL, WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE AIRPORT STOPPAGE/TARDINESS, THEREFORE USE THIS INFORMATION HERE AND SEND THE FEE TODAY FOR WE TO OBTAIN THE CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE
Receiver,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, xxxxxxxx
Country,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Benin Republic
City,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Cotonou
Question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, How Long
Answer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Today
Amount,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, $125usd
do call me on +xxxxxxxx once you send the fee today thanks
Regard to
Hon Mr. Richard O. Ajah
president secretary

(Well, the new guy script is short and sweet. Another demand for the cash and I STILL don’t know what it’s for. Amazing.)

----

I'm sorry, but nobody has told me what exactly is going on. Something about an ATM and compensation for something but I don't know any of the details. What compensation are they talking about?

(Seven. It’s like I’m trying to get a dog to go outside and I have to drag him by the leash.)

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Sorry for not been told, its all about our yearly award/scam victims compensation fund, meaning that the president of this country Mr Thomas Boni, have approved to compensate 100 lucky beneficiary with the sum of $5.2 million united state dollars each of every one of you. And this fund was converted by ATM MASTER CARD through the help of united bank for Africa for easily deliver, but your email address was submitted among those lucky beneficiary by Mr Ruben Moussa the general inspector of Interpol police who was in charge for the investigation meanwhile you are very lucky. So kindly go now and send the fee for the certificate to be obtained and forwarded immediately to the custom authority, to enable them release the diplomat thanks we are waiting your respond with the payment information send the fee via western union for immediate pick up.
Receiver,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, xxxxxxx
Country,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Benin Republic
City,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Cotonou
Question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, How Long
Answer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Today
Amount,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, $125usd
do call me on +xxxxx once you send the fee today thank

(Finally! See, seven really IS a lucky number.)

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My God!
Seriously? That's more money than I've ever seen.
I didn't think we have western union here, but I'll check

(Time to see if I can rustle me up some bacon.)

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which country where you now

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No western union
http://locations.westernunion.com/search/hi/?q=lanai+HI&filters=services-_-moneyTransfer
RIA says it doesn't service the area and moneygram offices are all on other islands.

Can I send the money from my bank to yours? I know that will work.

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l dont think our bank here can accept the fee by bank to bank transfer because its a small amount of money meanwhile they will not accept it, therefore find a means to send it through money gram or Ria transfer for easily pick up thanks

(Yeah, it’s the same lad. But you knew that.)

----

Well I don't have any of those options here, so the bank is my only real option. What's the minimum amount that can be sent? It's not like it won't be worth it!

(Here doggie, that’s a good boy. I’ll give you a treat…)

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the issue is that our bank here don't receive any fee through international bank transfer because it normally delay or have a problem, therefore we only accept fee via western union, money gram or Ria transfer. But you have to check your bank to know if there will be any means they will help on this very issue expect bank to bank transfer, or you locate any of your neighboring town and send the fee through any of the three provided option here l hope this will be easier thanks.

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Well, the only way to go to another town is to grow wings and fly! I'm certain the nurses won't let me go on plane. I know that I can send it from my bank to another bank, I've done it before.
You said your bank can accept a transfer, but $125 is too small? So I ask you again, what is the smallest amount I can send?

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have you send money from your bank to this country before, l said that my bank cannot accept $125usd through bank to bank transfer give me your number

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I’ve sent money to several different countries, Hawaii is a hub for that sort of thing, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

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give me your phone number

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I don't have a phone number, I'm in hospice. Hell, at my age I don't think I could hear it anyway. Didn't customs explain that or did they not talk to you?

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here is another option we can receive somethings through Courier delivery so do have any courier there like DHL UPS FED-EX

(Really? Wow, that’s a new one. Don’t you have to send that to a real person?)

----

That would cost more than the money I'm sending. It has to be sent by plane to Honolulu and then goes from there.
Why is sending it from my bank a problem?

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okay you have to send it through bank to bank transfer to our senior protocol in Nigeria because l dont thing that we can receive the fee down here in Benin republic

(Another odd bit, guess that must be the home office.)
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Okay, I'll wait to hear from them. This is all very exciting!

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contact your bank to know if they can make the transfer down to Nigeria with savings account
but l contacted one of my friend in united state, and he told me that there is money gram of in your city Hawaii

(Bullshit.)

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Hawaii is not a city, it's a state. Moneygram is available on the other islands, but not here on Lanai.
And yes, my bank can send money to Nigeria.

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Okay contact your bank to know if they can make the transfer down to Nigeria with savings account and how many days will it take the transfer to remit on the account

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Didn't you read my message? Yes, the bank can do it. The last time it took 2 days.
Will the diplomat be able to come here from Iowa?

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ok l will give you the bank details today okay

(It's about time...sheesh.)

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Thank you for that.

Sorry I couldn't answer immediately, the nurses take the computers away just before dinner is served.

Sometimes they can really piss me off.

Did you find out what the amount of the transfer needs to be?

----

am sorry for my late respond, l contacted my bank for the transfer but they told me that its will be impossible meaning that the transfer will not remit here, therefore l should advise you to look for any of your relation or good friend who can assist you send the fee in any of your neighboring town via money gram transfer for immediate reason of your package thanks reply back now

(Shit.)

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How is it that the office of the presidency can't receive a simple bank transfer? That seems a bit odd.

Look, I'm an old man and all by myself. That's really my only option. Isn't it your job to get this thing to me? This is all starting to sound a little strange.

Yesterday you said this was possible, today it is not?

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yes l think that it will be easy but today l contacted the bank but they refuse meanwhile its not my fault because l don't depend on my self

(So who made the call? You'd think the guyman would be drooling over the "how much do I need to send" line.)

----

Is there someone at the bank I can contact? We're talking about a huge amount of money here and I don't want to put it at risk. Surely there must be someone who can help.

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look for any person who can help and send it via money gram today so that you will receive your ATM CARD okay

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I really don't have anyone who can do that. All I have is the nurses here and they certainly can't go to another island. Is there another bank we can work together with?

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no try ask those nurse to help because you know how much money coming to you meanwhile you dont have to miss this opportunity because it will never come again

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What do you expect me to do here? This is a small island and the nurse can't do anything more than I can. How is it possible that you have no ability to receive a bank transfer when I know I can send it to your country?

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since you dont know what to do about this, you have to louse this compensation okay

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You can't be serious. You can't accept the money I'm trying to send you so I lose all that money? What kind of bullshit is that?

Hell, I'll send it to YOUR account if that's what we need to do. This is crazy. I can even share some of it with you.

----

(No response, so one more shot.)

Well? What's the story here?

Are you really going to steal all that money from me for yourself? Is that what's going on?

Or was this just some sort of evil joke?

(Nope, guess I will "louse" my money.)

----
So he had an old man on the hook who believed him and was willing to send MORE money than he asked for and hit a brick wall on the bank account. Of course, I had to guide him through the whole thing so I shouldn't be surprised. At least he never realized he was being baited so he’s up for another beating.

If this is his only source of income, he’s in deep shit.

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:30 am

Perhaps Eater should give out a "Dumbest Lad" award. This one would be a contender.

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:44 am

Definitely a contender for a medal!

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 6:28 pm

Hehehe...just to see if I can get him back...

You must be the stupidest scammer in Africa. I've been monitoring Lou's email and you've given up EXACTLY when he's ready to pay you. Find a bank account, you idiot. I've already told him that I will help him to get his riches and we can work together to get his cash. He's a crazy old man with more money than you've seen in your fucking life and I can help you get it and split it with you.

Don't give up on this, it could be the best scam of your life.

Kindest regards,
Gomez Adams, Esq

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 8:26 pm

Lads love it when you call them stupid. In this case, it's not really an insult, but simply a statement of fact. I hope you can get him back. He a great candidate for de-education!

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 5:59 pm

Snicker...

Lad to Gomez: Listing Gomez or to whom ever this may concern, why this insult to me do you know who you are talking to is better you go back to school and learn how to respect your elder if you are not stupid enough, because l know that there is something wrong with you and is better you visit you doctor now before it will be very late, again don't ever try to contact this office more no thanks

Regard

Mr Richard James
Benin Rep President Secretary

Gomez: Listen close, idiot. Your scam is actually working and you're fucking it up. The old fool is trying to pay you and you're too stupid to give him an account to transfer the money too. What kind of guyman are you?

Look, this guy has millions and we can get a bunch of it if we work together on this. Are you up for it or are you just a stupid child?

Goin' for the Power Pig!

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 2:43 am

Well, he went back to his scam after the multi-slap from Gomez...but this is an odd one.

lad to me: Now you don't have any western union or money gram in your city, we are going to loan this fee and pay it for you then when your box has been deliver you can pay us back. then wait to hear from us with 24hours.

???

---

An afterthought; I bet this is just a delaying tactic while he finds someone smarter than him to cough up an account. Then there will be an "additional" (larger) fee. Time will tell!

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 8:15 pm

Yup, called it.

Lad: good day my friend

as we are about to Deliver your consignment BOX; a notification was sent to us by the IMF authority;
that we dont have any right to Deliver such huge amount of cash outside the country without proper
documentation and identity:

so we tried to reason with them ; to allow us Deliver your consignment BOX
but they insisted that we shouldnt ;and seized the money: due to the magnanimity of the money

so after we deliberated with them ; we are asked to get five certificates; that will have your name on
it ; and before we could proceed further; but before any other thing we need to get these certificate for us to be permitted to Deliver your consignment box

BELOW IS THE CERTIFICATE TO ACQUIRE

1. OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE 750 DOLLAR
2. CLEARANCE PERMIT 600DOLLAR
3. IMF APPROVEMENT 980 DOLLAR
4. ANTI MONEY LAUNDRY 1,230 DOLLAR
5. INSURANCE PERMIT 500 DOLLAR

TOTAL$4,060 DOLLAR ONLY
WE HAVE TO GET THESE CERTIFICATE IMMEDIATELY/ OR YOUR MONEY WILL BE CONFISCATED BY THE LAW
IM SORRY FOR THE INCOVENIENCE. I NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD GET THIS WORSE.
TRY AND SEND THE MONEY DOWN IMMEDIATELY. WITH THE NAME I GAVE YOU

do send us the fees with bank to bank go to your bank by yourself and tell them to transfer this fee into this account details here below.

bank name: deutsche bank trust America
bank address: 1 bt plaza
130 liberty street.
new york.
ny 10006.

swift code: xxxxxx
aba no: xxxxxxxxxx
chips u.i.d: xxxx
account no: xxxx

Account name: platinum bank limited.
Further credit to: beneficiary account number in pbl: xxxxxxxxxxxx.
Beneficiary name: xxxxxxx.

Tell your bank to take note of the further credit to account because that is the final destination of the funds. first of all to the account name and number then further credit to the beneficiary name and beneficiary account number.

Thank you.

(I'm going to string him along with my sad story of near homelessness. I know he won't care.)

Me: My God, that would be almost everything I have! Hospice isn't cheap at all and that would break me. Luckily, it's early in the month so I can stay until the end of the month, but if the ATM doesn't come by then I'll be out on the street. I'm already behind on my payments.

You need to promise me that it will arrive on time. I'm too old to lose everything I have.

I'll save the rest of this until it finally dies and the publish the whole beast. I suspect he's going to get a message from an attorney soon.

Hehehehe

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 8:10 pm

I'm breaking in a new character, the evil cousin, Burle. The opening volley to my new stupidest-lad-in-the world:

Read this well, my friend. There is a great deal of profit in it for you.
First, let’s understand each other. There’s no ATM card for Carl, you’re just another 419 guyman trying to steal from him. Lucky for you, he’s a crazy old man and he believes you. He really did try to get the money to you.
Here’s what you don’t know and what is VERY important to you. Carl’s mind is not what it used to be and he’s in hospice and confused all the time. He’s not trying to send you the last of his savings, he’s fucking rich. Really rich, millions of dollars he earned on the stock market. He’s so crazy he doesn’t remember any of it and I want as much of it as I can get.
So here’s the situation. The nurse gave me Carl’s email password and I have control of his account, so don’t try to fuck me over. He’ll get your messages only when I allow it. I want us to work together on this game. I’ll tell you what to do, you’ll tell Carl how much he needs to pay and have him confirm it with me. I bet we can get THOUSANDS out of the stupid old man and he’ll never know it, thinking the ATM card is on the way. Once we’ve sucked as much money out of him as we can, I’ll send you half.
And I’ll give this little piece of shit island.
Are you in? You’ve got nothing to lose and more money than you’ve ever seen in your life to gain.

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 5:47 pm

He still hasn't had a brain cell fire. He keeps sending emails to the victim ignoring the fact that they're not getting through. Once again, I'll need to lead him by the hand.

While abusing the crap out of him of course. A guy has to have some fun.

Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 7:22 pm

This lad must be wearing a helmet over his useless skull. After a few days break, he started sending "send via western union" messages to his victim again, AFTER he'd been told that Burle had control of the email account. Each time he does, he gets a little reminder. Enjoy.

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Can you not read? Your mail will not get to Carl unless I say so and I control this entire situation. Either you work with me and get richer than every scammer in Africa or you get nothing and crawl under a rock and go fuck yourself. I've been telling Carl to be patient, waiting for your reply.

So are you in or not?

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Well? Are you in or not? Are you going to pass up a chance that costs you nothing and can gain you thousands?

Don't be a fucking idiot

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Then he sent his western union message to me by mistake, which means he's getting my messages. I ignored it and kept at it.

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I know this is all a scam. Stop the bullshit and we can work together. That old fool has more money than you've ever seen in your 419 scamming life and I have a way we can get it.

We split 50/50. You can work with me or you can get nothing.

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You're not finalizing the transaction you stupid piece of scamming asshole. You're DOING AS I SAY or you get nothing. Did you forget that Carl will not receive anything from you unless I allow it? I'm keeping the old fool busy, but you need to work with me so this can be done and we BOTH line our pockets.

How fucking stupid can you be? Get back to me immediately or go outside and get hit by a bus

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Hello? Hello? Are you not reading what I'm telling you or are you too fucking stupid to understand?

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Stay tuned!

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