Halloween Special - Peter Andre vs Sister Rebecca

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 3:25 pm

So, this is my first bait in about 5 years and it's going well. For those of you unfamiliar with my previous work, this is my character, Peter Andre -

He's a member of an organisation called the Collective and Liberal Intellectual Transition (C.L.I.T), whose aims are so diluted that even they have no idea what they actually do. I started reading Bram Stoker's "Dracula" last week and decided to attempt a bait based around the story (albeit funnier). luckily, Sister Rebecca Young got in touch with me just before I set off on my journey to meet the ultimate evil...

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I am the Sister Rebecca, from Kuwait. I'm 57 year old. I am married to late Mr. Mate Young, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2011, political civil war .We were married for thirteen years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Bible made us to understand in Proverbs 6: vs 16-19. 16: There are six things the Almighty Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood:18 A heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil: 19 A false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

Before the death of my husband we were both born again Christian. SincBible made us to understand in Proverbs 6: vs 16-19. 16: There are six things the Almighty Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood:18 A heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil: 19 A false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. then after his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive, because of the political civil war here my husband deposited the sum of ($9.Million, Dollars inside a trunk box consignment for security purpose as our family valuable, in one of the highers Safety Security Company in Ivory Coast.)

I am contacting to hand you over this fund for helping Disables as donation transfer because, Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Nine months due to cancer problem.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a person he/her church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein for Disables. I want a person he/her church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.

Also, I will like you to receive this trunk box in your country safe and plane for me to travel over there to see the Disables works you are doing with my donation fund to enable me kneel and give Thanks to Almighty God.

Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth". I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians their Pagans and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace". I did need a telephone communication in this regard because of my health about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply with your name and address, I shall contact the Security company in Ivory Coast where this trunk box was deposited and move your name and email id to their office for proceeds.

Also, I will issue you an Authorization Letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund in trunk box. I want you and your church to always pray for me because the lord is my Shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever Whom Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life. Contact me on my email any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another person with his/her church for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord. Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours In Christ Sister. Rebecca.

Peter knows a good deal when he sees one!

Dear Sister Rebecca

Gadzooks! That is a lot of money! I'm sorry, where are my manners? First of all, Allow me to introduce myself – my name is Peter Andre. You may have heard of me – I hold the high prestige title of being the Honorary Grand Fellow of the Collective and Liberal Intellectual Transition (C.L.I.T), a thinktank organisation based here on the Isle of Beaver in England. I appreciate that you want me to give the money to a church, but surely if God wanted you to give it to a church, the internet letter you sent would land in the inbox of a priest, vicar or rabbi, so I think we can safely say he wants me to figure out how to spend it. You can't argue with fate, Sister Rebecca.

Speaking of fate, may I offer my condolences on the death of your late Husband. Being killed in a civil war is a terrible way to meet ones untimely demise and between that and your own impending death it just goes to show that even in this day and age, even the very wealthy are not safe from the cold, eerie touch of the grim reaper! Oh, Sister Rebecca, it’s a dangerous world out there, no bones about it.

Be that as it may, you really are in quite a predicament but as a member of the international community, I see it as my duty to aid you in this matter. Granted, Sister Rebecca, it is a very complex situation, however I am sure that it's nothing that teamwork cannot put right.

If you will, Sister Rebecca, could you please explain how you managed to come across my email address? As much as I appreciate your internet letter, I am sure you’ll understand that it’s not every day that I receive unsolicited mails from strangers in Africa offering me millions of dollars, so as welcome as your letter was I would really like to know how exactly you came across my details.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to let you know that I have make several prayers about who I shall trust to complete my work with my God, And it arrive on your door. I am attaching to you the $9 Million-U.S-Dollar trunk box deposit certificate and deposit agreement between my late husband and daumnet security company here. My dear, my late husband took the photos of the trunk box with the total amount $9 Million-U.S-Dollar inside the trunk box before he was deposited. I am also attaching trunk box pictures to you, With the deposit certificate and deposit agreement. I am waiting to hear from you urgent so that I will direct you to the daumnet security company office where this consignment trunk box was deposited as our family safekeeping valuables. I wait your reply urgent.

Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

With this email, she includes a few pictures of money in a suitcase. They're very unconvincing which I hint at. Anyway, I'll overlook that and introduce the protagonist, the evil

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Good morning to you, and thank you for the very convincing deposit certificate and pictures of the trunk box which, although appear to be totally different batches, one with yellow bands and one without, both appearing to be far too small to possibly contain $9m in $100 bills, appear completely legitimate.

Now, if you could forward my details on to the hard working chaps at the Daumnet Security company, I would be very grateful. May I ask, Sister Rebecca, how do I go about receiving payment of this money? I see that the Daumnet Security company is based in the Ivory Coast, but I’m here in England and can’t be jetting off to the luxurious surroundings of West Africa at the drop of a hat.

I look forward to hearing from them. In the meantime, I need to get going. I have to attend to some important C.L.I.T business. One of our oldest business partners, Baron Morbundi has purchased an estate here on the Isle of Beaver and I must go visit him with the papers to get his signature – unfortunately he’s a rather elderly man and doesn’t use modern conveniences such as fax machines, so I need to get his physical signature.

He’s located on the Isle of Dacoque, so it is quite a long journey for me. I may be gone for a few weeks – I won’t have my portable telephone with me, but I will have my laptop so you can still contact me via email. In all honesty, I don’t much care for the Isle of Dacoque – I’ve heard stories about the place and it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Anyway, I hope to hear from your shortly.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Luckily, she clears up the misunderstanding about the money in the case...

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Good afternoon to you. To clear you about your question's , the batches of the yellow is the last time and the other with robber band is when my late husband is arranging the money in the trunk box. Also, if you take a look on the photograph you will see that it's the same amount $100 bills, appears but after the first line of the $100 bills the rest inside steps is totally feel up with $10,000 bills.

Now I want to let you know that I have forwarded your name and email id to Daumnet security company, and director of the foreign operation manager Dr Powell Bakayoko, told me that since I am sick their will attend to you their best service for delivery of this trunk box anywhere you need the security company diplomat to move the trunk box as consignment with your direction. You will hear from security company as their told me through email message for the steps you should follow.

I wait your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Good day to you. I must admit, I was under the impression that $10’000 bills went out of circulation in the 1940’s, however I suppose you were married to a millionaire, so you’re probably far more of an expert on monetary denominations than I am, so I have no reason to doubt you.

Thank you so much for forwarding my details to the security company – I appreciate it, and I shall be sure to tell them of your professionalism when I speak to them. I am currently on the ferry heading over to the Isle of Dacoque. It’s just approaching 4pm here but it’s already starting to get dark and I’m hoping to make it to the local inn so that I can rest before visiting Baron Morbundi tomorrow. With any luck, I will be able to get to the train station before darkness falls – they’re a bit behind the times on Dacoque and don’t yet have streetlights so trying to find your way around after the sun goes down can be very difficult.

I will keep an eye on my email for anything coming from the security company and I will let you know when they get in touch.

Once again, thank you for having the good sense to include me on this business transaction – I am sure that you will benefit greatly from it, and you can rest assured that I will see to it that you get exactly what you deserve at the closure.

Kinds regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of th C.L.I.T Program

The security company then gets in touch with a very professional sounding email...

DAUMNET SECURITY COMPANY SERVICE
Direction: Security & action Boulevard De Marseille, 01 BP 2457 ABIDJAN 01
IVORY COAST
Tel : (+225) 54 33 89 23
Fax: (225) 04 32 64 88
E-mail: [email protected]
Web-domain: www.daum.net
Mailing-Date: 22 / 10/ 2014/
Complement of Today! Dear Customer Peter Andre. This is to acknowledge the receipt of an update letter from Sister. Rebecca Young, with valid deposit Agreement and deposit Certificate, of her late husband deposit consignment trunk box for claim on your behalf herein our custody. We noticed that Sister. Rebecca Young, wanted you to claim her late husband's consignment trunk box deposit for her purpose and she instructed us to move the consignment trunk box safe down to your country, on her behalf as you are her trustee beneficiary and trustee friend from abroad. We have seen and understood that you are in contact with Sister. Rebecca Young, as she stand as only family survival next of kin to her late husband Mr. Mate Young.

Moreover, To clear the consignment trunk box deposited under our custody by her late husband Mr. Mate Young, she has submitted your email id to us today and ask us that we should change everything about the consignment trunk box to your name. Therefore we are going to make known to you our procedures of work. 1° First we have means as a security company to transport the consignment trunk box to your country state anywhere by our Diplomatic service.

2° If you are willing to come down to our office here to clear the deposited item you are welcome,

3° We are going to serve you with our utmost bests therefore you are required to act according to our company rule / regulations. Since she has instruct on her letter that we must deliver the trunk box to you. We have every right now to deliver the trunk box to your destination country anywhere in the World as your own at your convenient time,The trunk box consignment has been approved to be transport to your designated address. But some condition and requirement are needed to facilitate and approve the transport of the trunk box to which we shall assist you to procure all the legal documents that will approve the trunk box by Government for free transport without delay through DAUMNET SECURITY COMPANY Diplomatic means upon the agreement of the terms and condition of the company, you are required to pay the sum tax as below,

(1); Change of Ownership Certificate/*****
(2); Custom Non Inspection Clearance Tax/*****
(3); Flight Ticket For The Diplomat/*****
(4);Value Added Tax/*****

We are going to arranged a lawyer aid, from Ministry of Justice herein Republic of Ivory Coast on your behalf. To enable government ministry of justice clearify this said trunk box free transport before we can transport your trunk box by our Security Company Diplomatic service legally.
We Are Hereby Requested you To Read And Fill The Form Below And Send It Back To Our Office By Mail the Fill Are Obligated by.
DAUMNET SECURITY COMPANY SERVICE FILE:
(1); Your Full Name:/____________________________________
(2); Your Office Address:/_________________________________________
(3); Your Home Address:/
(4);Telephone & Fax Number:/_______________________________________________
(5);Your Passport Or ID Driver License: Attach Or Number/________________________________

Those your details Will Enable Us To Render Good Service To You And It will Help Us to Avoid Releasing Your Goods To A Wrong Person. We are Looking forward to hear from you urgent to enable us to give you whole details about the cost of shipment of this trunk box to your country by our diplomat.

Mrs. D. Mangolo
Senior Secretary, D.S.C.
Further Details, Please do feel free to contact
the Director Of Operations D.S.C.
Line (+225) 54 33 89 23
Dr. Powell Bakayoko.
Copyright | Terms of Use | Privacy Notice | Site Index | Fraud Alert | Help.
A

Dear Mrs Mongolo,

Good day to you, and thank you for your email. I appreciate your very quick actions in getting in touch with me – you people at Daumnet certainly seem very keen when it comes to doing business.

Now, I won’t be able to come to the Ivory Coast – I’m in England and West Africa is terribly difficult to get to from here, so I would like to take your option of delivery. Now, if you could assign a lawyer as soon as possible then I would greatly appreciate it. Would you like me to alert my lawyer, Frederick Thwistle, about the transaction? Whilst I understand that your lawyer will no doubt be able to navigate us through the Ivory Coast’s legal minefield, it would surely be useful to have someone who knows the British legal system too. He’s quite the legal seagull you know kept me out of reach of the long arm of the law on several occasions.

Here are the details you require –

Full Name: Peter Andre
Address: 69 Byker Grove, Ispwich, Isle of Beaver, England, UB40 R2D2
Telephone number +4411509 415291

I am currently travelling and will send you a copy of my passport shortly.

Please let me know what the next step will be. In the meantime, I will get in touch with sister Rebecca and let her know that you have got back in touch with me. I’m sure she will be relieved to know this – the poor woman has terminal cancer, so time is of the essence.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

P.S – I had a look at your company website, but had difficulty understanding it since it was all in Japanese. Now, I’m no expert on the matter, however I reckon that as a business based in the Ivory Coast, servicing customers in England, you may well be alienating people by having your website in a language that, chances are, none of them speak.

Time for things to start getting spooky...

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Good news! I made it to the Isle of Dacoque in time to catch the train which should get me to the inn, ensuring that I am well rested to meet with Baron Morbundi tomorrow. Thank you for your blessings – it appears that the lord really is with me! I’m not too religious myself, preferring to think of C.L.I.T’s esteemed leader, Grand Master Flash, as something of a living deity, however when I was waiting on the train, I started speaking to an elderly lady.

She inquired about why I was visiting the island, and when I told her I was here to see Baron Morbundi, she started crying, panicking, praying and was even kind enough to give me a crucifix, informing me that I would “definitely need it”. Honestly, you can say what you like about the demise of tourism here on the Isle of Dacoque, however if people were more like this kindly woman at the train station, I reckon many would stop bothering going to Florida or Barbados and flock to the Isle of Dacoque instead.

Anyway, Mrs Mongolo at the security company has got in touch with me. She seems like a nice lady and has even arranged for a lawyer to get involved so it would appear that everything is going swimmingly. Let’s hope there is no last minute “spanner in the works” , however I’m almost certain that everything will move along smoothly.

Now, I must go – the train will be dropping me off shortly. It is only 6pm but is pitch black and the weather has taken a turn for the worse, with torrential rain. Whatsmore, the music on the train is awful – they seem to be playing Toccata and Fague in D minor by Bach over and over again. I shall be glad when I get to the inn.

Kind regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to let you know that this evening the security company director Dr Powell Bakayoko, told me that their have got all the inquiries about how much it shall cost for all the legal papers and transport of the trunk box to your country without any problem. And Dr Powell Bakayoko, explained to me that no need for you to inviting any lawyer, do to nothing your lawyer can do at this issue only the a lawyer herein Ivory Coast, can do this work for you. Now, Dr Powell Bakayoko, explained to me again that all the paper work of this trunk box and delivery cost is the total sum of $8000.usd. And their mentioned that it's the sum of £4,970.00 British Pound.

Please my beloved Peter, I will be glad if you try all your best tomorrow to make the payment to the security company direction so that security company will deliver trunk box and get the papers changing with your details and transport this trunk box to your country without any problem.

I pray that Almighty God, will lead you peacefully on your travel.

I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

How much? I don't have that sort of money! Only one solution, let's haggle!

Dear Sister Rebecca,

My lady, I must admit that I am quite surprised by this amount – far be it from me to question the intricate workings of the Ivory Coast’s legal system, however this amount is more money than I have. You see, Sister Rebecca, I am not paid for my work here at C.L.I.T – instead, in exchange for my work, they provide my lodgings, cover my household bills, food, travel and give me a small amount for personal use, but nowhere near the amount required to cover fees at the level you speak of. This leaves us in quite a predicament, doesn’t it? I think the best idea is that you get in contact with either Mrs Mongolo or Dr Bakayolo at the security company and instruct them (you have my permission) to open the trunk box and take whatever they need from the $9m. Failing that, the only thing we could do is arrange it via C.L.I.T, but that would require me to nominate you for membership which could add 2 or 3 days on to the process of getting the funds and as much as I don’t like to dwell on your illness, it obviously limits your time, since you’ll be…well, y’know…pretty soon. Not that I like to be morbid, but if we start delaying things now then you could be lying, cold, on the table in the mortuary before you have the chance to see me spend all this money – and that would be a real tragedy.

I have arrived at the inn. The weather outside is now even worse, with howling winds that only increases the misery of the rain. I really hope it clears up before I go to visit Baron Morbundi tomorrow. I had a chat with a few of the regulars at the bar downstairs – they’re an odd bunch, they seem to know a lot about the island, however they are very unwilling to talk about Baron Morbundi. They surely know of him – he lives on a huge castle on the north coast of the island, it would be impossible to live here and not know of him. Maybe they’re just jealous of his wealth, but in chatting about him I’ve been given another 3 more crucifixes by people when I’ve mentioned the Baron. The people here are very, very generous indeed.

Anyway, I should probably go and get some supper before bed. I have included a copy of my passport below, if you could forward it on to the security company and let them know of our arrangement regarding the trunk box I would appreciate it. I bid you goodnight, my dear lady – it has been a long day and I am terribly exhausted from all my travelling.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to let you know that I am too sick since of all the process of this trunk box delivery. The security company director Dr. Powell Bakayoko, and secretary Mrs. D. Mongolo, stated that their security company law agreed that no consignment trunk box is allowed to open until the total claim of the trunk box is approval then, their will move the trunk box to the beneficiary before you can open it by yourself with their office diplomat, at your home or office even hotel. This is what their said.

My dear I want to let you know again that security company did not know that the trunk box contains money, their only knew that the trunk box did not contains any illegal item like arms or drug, the security company can only test the trunk box with their security mercury Alarms if there's any arms or drug then, their cannot accepted it but, if there's no illegal items inside your trunk box, like I mentioned, their will secure the valuable for security reason and for peacemaking safekeeping which broth here by United Nation, and accepted by Republic of Ivory Coast.

So Here Republic of Ivory Coast many people here are depositing their personal documentations, golds, severs, in trunk box here and deposited it in security company, until the day the person want the trunk box then, the person will claim it even if the depositor is death. This is security company duty here in Ivory Coast, do to some civil wars here in our country, like it happening some countries like, Iraq, Serial, Israel, Gaza.

My dear beloved, the security company law here is that their can not open your consignment trunk box until you change the ownership, then, their will move the trunk box anywhere you want it in the World as it's their only work.

However according the security company here concerning the taxes, I have begged my doctor about this problem the payment and he said because my situation he promise to help you pay some part of the tax, so he said he will help us with the sum of £3,700.00 British Pound, he also said that you should try all your best to send the security company this balance sum of £1,270.00,British Pound, to enable completion of this issue, Please my beloved Peter help me Almighty God, will bless you.

I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

Ok, so now her doctor is in on the deal. If he's paying that much, then why not ask him to pay a little more?

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Good afternoon to you. It’s very unfortunate to hear that you’re sick, however you’re going to have to suck it up – this is a massive amount of money and we can’t have your illness getting in the way. My advice is to go and get yourself a cup of coffee and a cigarette and you’ll be right as rain.

Anyway, thank you for contacting the security company for me. It is unfortunate that you weren’t persuasive enough to talk them round to my idea, however I must offer my congratulations on asking your doctor to get involved. It is still quite a hefty sum, I’m sure you’ll understand. £1270 is a lot of money – and it’s not the sort of cash I just have lying around. I could, upon my return, garner up some money though, so I would suggest that you go back to your doctor (who, let’s face it, probably isn’t short of a few quid since he’s the personal physician to a millionaire) and ask if he can pay an extra £277, meaning in total he pays £3977, and I will pay the remaining £993.00 via Western Union.

Please speak to your doctor and see if this is possible.

Now, I must dash – I have to travel to the north of the island to visit Baron Morbundi. There is a horse and carriage due to pick me up shortly. Unfortunately the roads in that region are poorly maintained and as a result, it is not suitable for cars. The people at the inn are very friendly, all of them wishing me luck and offering me prayers for my journey. It’s very unusual – it occurred to me that despite us being in England, all the people here speak with an Eastern European accent. They keep telling me to watch out for “De great e-avil” or something like that. I don’t know, I don’t speak whatever made-up language they’re yammering in. They probably mean pot-holes or something.

I bid you farewell for now – the driver of the carriage has arrived and he is very eager to get going so that we reach the north of the island before darkness falls.

Please reply as soon as possible.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

God, I'm persuasive!

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. How are you doing at this moment? I want you to understand that my doctor said that since he has been involve, that you should try and send the £993.00 today with Security company receiver information through western union and let me know so that I will inform him. He told me that he's preparing for the remaining £3977.00. So as soon as you send the money as security company directed you then send them the western union information and send me a copy too. Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!

I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

So, I'm now dropping major hints that there's something not quite right with this location and person that I'm going to visit but it's offset by the fact that I somehow feel the need to mention the size of the horses...erm..."gentlemans area"

Dear Sister Rebecca,

At the moment, I’m a little confused to be honest. I am currently on a horse-drawn carriage, heading up to Whistling Hollow Castle, the home of Baron Morbundi. The only issue is that the driver has told me he can only go so far, and apparently Baron Morbundi has sent another carriage to meet me up at Chilling Hangman’s Bridge to take me the rest of the way. I wasn’t under the impression that I was due to have to undertake a second part to the journey – it’s pitch black outside, and I’m gravely concerned that if the Baron’s carriageman is not waiting for me at Chilling Hangman’s bridge, I may fall victim to either the weather or the snarling wolves that live in the nearby Cobweb Forest. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen – this deal wouldn’t last too long if I somehow managed to be pushing up the daises before you.

Whatsmore, it has been a very bumpy journey – the horses have been very uneasy for some reason, almost as if they can sense some kind of impending horror. Honestly, when I watch old “western” movies, there are gunfights going on everywhere and the horses stay calm, however in these modern days, even the slightest noises make horses startled and go crazy – bring back the old “hard” horses, that’s what I say.

In regards to the payment, I shall use the telephone at the castle to contact my elderly mother and ask her to loan me the money. Like I said, I myself don’t have a lot of money, but my mother receives a very healthy pension and I am confident she can loan me most of, if not all, of the money required. I will arrange this tonight.

One more tiny thing – but I’m a little uneasy about sending this money to Mrs Mongolo. I don’t mean to seem rude, but I barely know the woman and her emails look like they have been written by a Neanderthal, banging his club on the keyboard. I trust your judgment in hiring the woman – after all, you wouldn’t be a millionaire if your judgment wasn’t good, however I’m sure you appreciate my concerns.

Could you please contact her and ask for some kind of identification and send it on to me? Anything will do – passport, drivers license, hunting license or even a membership card to one of those swinging clubs – just so I can ensure that she is who she says she is.

If you could get this for me as soon as possible I’d really appreciate it, and the sooner you get it, the sooner I can send you the money.

Anyway, I must get going – we’re approaching the bridge, and there’s a huge black carriage with a massive black stallion waiting there – I know it’s a stallion because I can see it’s knob, even in the dark – and I assume that this is the carriage that the Baron has sent to collect me.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. My dear Peter, I am glad as you has been welcomed totally on your travel without any problem. Doctor Mohamed Ali, is waiting for you to send your part of the money, it's you he is waiting. Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!
I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the
Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Good day to you. You’ll be glad to know that I’ve safely arrived at Baron Morbundi’s castle. It was a very strange journey – after I last spoke to you, Morbundi’s coachman was waiting on me. He wasn’t a patient man – I pointed out his horse’s huge phallus. Not in any disturbing way, but honestly Sister Rebecca, it was massive! Morbundi’s coachman was very eager to leave, but I stressed to him “Just look at it! It’s enormous!”. He then barked at me “Mr Andre! Please! We don’t have time for this! Please get in the carriage!”. He was very aggressive indeed – not the sort of fellow you should be sending to greet your guests.

Anyway, we took a very long, narrow road up to the castle. I didn’t get a good look at the drivers face since he was wearing a dark, hooded cloak, however in the glances I did see, he looked very pale indeed. I suppose the north of the island doesn’t get much sunlight. He dropped me at the door of the castle just before midnight and I had to wait a few minutes for the Count to open the door.

He greeted me with a warm welcome – the hallway looked very old, with stone walls and an uncovered floor made of wooden planks which creak loudly with every step. The count shook my hand, his own hands being icy cold though surprisingly strong for a man of his age. He was completely bald, with glowing green eyes and a rather dirty face – which is not surprising considering the amount of dust in the old castle. He served me a delicious meal and we stayed awake till dawn, the room lit by only the log fire and candles since it has no electricity. He spoke avidly, mostly about celebrities – I believe he writes for a newspaper about Hollywood stars – for many hours. As he spotted the sun coming up, he told me I should go to sleep and took me to my room. He informed me that I could sleep as long as I wished since he would be out on business for most of the day and would not return until this evening.

I have not been awake for long. I had planned to make the payment today, however the count has left the castle and the doors are locked, so I have no way of getting out at the moment. I should hopefully be able to send the money later, assuming the Baron returns before sundown.

When I send the money, when will Mohamed Ali be able to collect it?

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to let you know that since it's night here no need to bother Mrs. Mongolo for her copy of identity. I collect my doctor's international passport copy and below here is his receivers details I think it's better to send the money to him direct so that he will complete it before paying it the security company at once.

Also, I latter think about that it's not good to pay security company the money two ways payment, is good to pay it at once. So take my doctor's receivers information below to send the money through western union tomorrow by the grace of Almighty God.

Receiver name complete. Mohamed Ali
Receiver Address. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Receiver Country Name. Cote d'ivoire
Question. Okay
Answer. Okay

Below herewith attachment is doctor Mohamed Ali, copy of international passport. Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!
I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

I haven't added the passport picture, but it's a fairly standard Lad passport. Anyway, enough about that, let's talk more about the fact that I'm walking into a real life horror movie...

Dear Sister Rebecca,

You can tell Mr Ali that he doesn’t need to worry – I will be sending the money at my earliest convinience and as soon as I get the full amount from the security company, I will pay him back in full, with a little something extra for himself…actually, no, scrap that last part, but I’ll definitely pay him back what he’s given me.

Anyway, the Baron has still not returned. Luckily, the castle library has lots of books – although none printed within the last 100 years for some reason – to keep me occupied, along with various celebrity magazines however that really isn't my cup of tea. I have tried to explore the castle a little, however most of the doors appear to be locked. It’s just as well I can’t get outside today, my hair is an absolute mess – for some reason the Baron has absolutely no mirrors in the house.

Once again, Sister Rebecca, once I have sent the money, how long will it be before Mr Ali can collect it, and furthermore, how long will it be before I can get the money in my bank account? Also, who is the lawyer I’ll be dealing with? Does he know much about UK law?

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. My dear Peter, what you have to do is to send the money first then, Dr Mohamed Ali, will collect the money as earliest you send it and send me the western union reference number and senders name. This is the only thing remain to move this transaction forward. Also, you don't have to worry about the lawyer who will get the paper on your behalf their knows all about UK, and security company knows how to handle this issue here. So as soon as you send the money do let me know. Good night!

Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!
I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

Time to start delaying things. I have a lack of Photoshop at the moment, so I've decided just to use the age-old 419 Eater tactic of just asking for pointless clarification on things...

Dear Sister Rebecca,
So, just to clarify, what you're telling me is that Mr Ali will be able to pick up the payment as soon as I send it via Western Union? You must excuse all these questions, I'm not trying to delay things, I just simply have never used the service before and I am a tad concerned about the workings of it - I wouldn't want some silly reason to somehow slow down this deal, especially with your impending demise.

Sister Rebecca, you must excuse me replying so late in the day. The Baron was out all day yesterday and did not return until the evening. It was very odd, I didn't even here him come in - still, he is very quiet, in fact, he walks so gently that you would think he simply floated sometimes, you can't see his legs move under his huge cloak and the floorboards don't creak under his feet.

Once again, he kept me up all night talking. For a man of his considerable age, I really don't know where he gets the energy. I didn't go to bed until almost dawn and I feel dreadful today. Whatsmore, I had some terrible, horrific dreams. This old castle really does do things to the mind.
Please get back to me as soon as possible.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program.

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Good Morning My dear Peter! I am sorry for my late reply do to my sickness and fasting and prayers. Please to be clarify completely, I want to let you know that immediately you send the money through western union with Dr Mohamed Ali,s name, today Monday, then what you have to do next is to send me the western union MTCN number and Senders name complete after that you have to just wait for Dr Mohamed Ali, to inform you back when he pick the money from western union here it can't take long time to pick it here okay. So please hurry up this morning and send the money.

Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.,

Dear Sister Rebecca,

I really feel that, considering your sickness, you should not be fasting. Now, unlike Mr Ali, I’m no doctor however I did do a first aid course in 1986 and I’m fairly certain that they told us that cancer sufferers shouldn’t fast. I’m not sure if this is just an oversight on your part or if, God forbid, the cancer has spread and is now eating your brain – which is very likely. I’d recommend that you go and eat something before the cancer eats you . When I’m feeling ill, my mother always makes me a bowl of Frosties and a cup of tea – perhaps that may help you. E numbers and sugar are well known to help cancer. Probably.

Now, back to business – this “MCTN” you speak of, what is it? And how do I get it? Will they just give me it when I make the payment, and how do I get it to Mr Ali? I’ll perhaps try and make the payment today. Once again, Baron Morbundi kept me up all night, talking mostly about 16th century noblemen, war and leadership. He’s quite knowledgable on all these subjects – honestly, he knows so much about these things, you’d think he actually knew the noblemen and fought in the battles. He gets very animated when talking about leadership, stating that peasants need to be put in their place and should live under a mighty sword. He’s probably got more right wing as he’s got older – and I reckon he’s a member of UKIP.

He’s gone out on business again today – he must have left early since I didn’t hear him leave. Once again, all the doors are locked but if he’s back in time I’ll try and make the payment today. I think there’s a Western Union office down next to the local Shoe Zone. I really need to get out of the castle for a bit, I’m starting to feel trapped – between staying up all night, sleeping till mid-afternoon then the loneliness of the castle until the Baron returns in the evening, I feel that it is taking it’s toll on my mental capacity (not as much as cancer, thankfully) and I’ve been having terrible, terrible dreams as of late. The Baron has warned me to avoid falling asleep in any other rooms in the castle, saying that they will cause bad dreams due to “the terrible memories that the castle walls hold”.

Anyway, please get back to me, explaining in detail what this “MCTN” is and how I will get it to you.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Dear Peter Andre,

Greetings and God Bless you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I want to let you know that MTCN is a digit numbers which western union will give you after you make the payment. Then, western union will give you a paper you will sign and their will give you a paper you will see the MTCN Numbers then, you will send me the MTCN number with the name of the person who send the money through western union.

Almighty God will surly bless you. Amen!!!I wait your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.&Be protected by Almighty God.
Yours Lovely Sister Rebecca.

Finally, Peter is starting to twig that there is something not quite right about the Baron. needless to say, he's totally on the wrong track...

Dear Sister Rebecca,

Sister, the most peculiar thing happened! I was reading out your email when I thought I was alone, but it turned out Baron Morbundi was standing directly behind me, checking on my correspondence. It's strange because I didn't notice his reflection on the computer screen! As I got to reading out the "Blessings of God be upon you" sign-off, however, he emitted a loud, animal-like hiss and knocked me to the floor in a fit of violence! I’m more than a little perplexed by his actions. It turns out he had returned home early because he had to pick up a delivery. Once again, I didn’t even hear him coming back into the castle. I shall be reporting these strange happenings to Grand Master Flash when I return to the Isle of Beaver.

I was a little worried that the delivery may have been something macabre which would be in keeping with the rest of this rather spooky castle, but thankfully it was nothing to worry about. It was simply a large wooden box, around 6 foot long and perhaps two foot wide. Judging by the weight, it was totally empty. I mean, surely there’s nothing to be concerned about with that.

However things grew more bizarre – as darkness fell, I looked out the window down to the Barons room, which is a few floors below me. Now, Sister Rebecca, I don’t know if it was simply a trick of the light or perhaps my mind playing tricks on me due to the shock of the attack from the Baron, but I heard his window creak open, and when I looked, he was crawling out of the window and scaling the wall like a lizard! Sister Rebecca, I’m not the superstitious type and I would never normally say this, but when I put all these things together, it makes me suspect that the Baron may be…a peeping tom.

Tomorrow, I plan to sneak into the Baron’s room while he is out on business. At that point, I will try to find the key for the main door of the castle and venture down to the Western Union office. After this, I will make my way back to the Isle of Beaver, since I no longer feel at ease staying here with the Baron.

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Seems that I've now pissed her off enough for her to question my bizarre modality...

You are too much for you joke-end, thanks very much but you are too much okay for all you good system joking.

I've replied, let's see if I can pull this bait back from the edge...

Dear Sister Rebecca,

I am sorry, but I am a tad confused - what are you referring to?

Regards,

Peter Andre
Honorary Grand Fellow of the C.L.I.T Program

Laughing

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 28 Oct 2014 Posts: 9

This was one of the funniest things I have ever read. I laughed so hard. Not only the sarcastic wittiness, but then to have Baron Morbundi as a back story. Brilliant. I am disappointed we did not get to see what happened to Peter! Did he escape the Baron!??!??!?

Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 1:05 pm

He's working on it Wink

Halloween Special - Peter Andre vs Sister Rebecca	View next topic View previous topic