The Polish Pig Farmer, Oxy &the Loan Lads:The Bitter End

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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:27 pm

September 1, 2014

dear proffessor harry

i no U R rilly smart and i no that i should all ways trust U but one thing that mister pascale sed to me rilly makes me woried. its becuz he new all about my dads lone and all of the lone fees and all of that stuff. i meen, he even new how much my dads lone was and wen he told me that 6.000 zlotys in lone fees was way too much that rilly rilly got me woried.

anyways im rilly sorry to bother U on this and i dont even no if U can anser this or not and i no U have all ready told me you wood drop my lone fees to 3.000 zlotys (whish is grate and thanx so much for that) but is that a good price for these lone fees? U have been super super help full with all of this and im just rilly confused so id apreshiate your advice here and that will make me lots more comfort able wen i send you the payment

thanx so much, proffessor!!! (and lotsa love!!!)

oksan@ b@lsach

Date: September 1, 2014
Subject: WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION.

Hello oksan@ b@lsach in regards to your and your family over there,

We will like to answer your question why we be of help to you is because your dad was Good to this company and his the only person that applied loan from poland, also oksan@ b@lsach you told us everything that happen to your dad and we hand a meeting about that and your dad told us how he needed the loan funds so the company need to help you complete the fee so you can make your dad happy anywhere oksan@ b@lsach also this company we will pared of you receiving your dad loans complete transfer .... the advice we have for you now is for you to try and send the 3,000 zl with this details of western union tomorrow as you said before that you have the 3,000 poland with you make the payment send and get back to us now ok.

WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION.

Receiver's name: Uyigue Helen
Country: Nigeria
STATE: EDO STATE
Question text: When
Text Answer: Now
Amount to send: 3,000 zl

As soon as you have send this payment tomorrow, so i will kindly want
you to email us with the information that is list below:

Senders Name:
Country:
State:
City:
M.T.C.N Number:

Thanks.

Mr. Harry.

The complete text of this email arrived in about a 20-point bold font. Really eye-popping. Do you think he wants to make sure he has my attention?

In a strange way, I think it’s almost kind of cute how the lad just refuses to admit that the bait has spun completely out of his control and is still making a half-hearted attempt to get back to his script.

Anyway, the next day, I received another email from the EFCC. Perfect! The stall tactics worked and this was exactly what I wanted to allow me to put my plan into action.

Date: September 2, 2014
Subject: Hello we got your mail well noted ,
From: [email protected]

Hello we got your mail well noted ,

mister pascale is one of the scammer needed in Nigeria and we
inform from the Efcc hand office that is after your money so be
careful do not respond to his email anymore for your safety ok

Best regards .
Mr.lamorde

September 2, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx for the informashin. i will be shure to be very care full and will tell mister pascale not to emale me again and that I will not anser any more emales from him.

anyways just so i no R there any other scamer emale addreses that i should be care full with?!? i have recenty started helping my dad with some of his buisness and i would hate to lose my dads money to some scamer from nigiria.

thank you

oksan@ b@lsach

It’s kind of subtle what I did here, but note that I just told my lad that I was going to email Pascal and tell him that I would not answer any more emails from him.

And, now we go back to the loan lad…

September 2, 2014

dear proffessor harry

thanx soooo much for your informashin. now that i no how good freinds U and my dad are, that makes it lots lots easier for me to send U payment for his lone.

anyways i have to go away with my skool class for a couple of days. were going to some thing they call a retreet but its reely just a farm. what they do is they take all of the boys in my class and they put them in one buildling, and then they take all of the girls in my class and they put them in a differnt buildling and then they talk to eech of us about private things (if U no what i meen proffessor harry LOL!!!)

anyways i dont no why they call it a retreet becuz were not retreeting from any one were just sitting at some stupid farm talking about private things (if U no what i meen LOL!!!) and besides that stupid weronika sobczak coold prolly *teech* the class, that kurwa dziwka (sorry LOL!!!) (trans: slut whore) and besides i just dont get whats so grate about a farm. i meen, i live on a farm and i can tell you it sux LOL!!!

anyways I'm going to be at this stupid retreet for a couple of days so even tho ill still be abel to check my emale (i hope!!!) i won't be able to send U ur payment until this fryday once we get back from the retreet. but now that i no how import ant this payment is and now that i no how good friends U and my dad R, ill mak sure to send U this payment just as soon as i get back.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

PS: befor i forget how are ur kids? are they ok? are they back in skool? do they ever have to go to a private retreet on a stupid farm?

I know I ended up pulling the idea for a retreat out of left field but, sometimes, that’s the best you can do. In a perfect world, I would have wanted some more time to set it up and telegraph it a bit better but I needed to come up with some excuse that would allow Oxy to maintain email communication with the EFCC while removing any possibility of her going to the MG store for a while.

Although I think I had a reason at the time, I can’t recall why I asked about his kids in the PS, unless I was just trying to throw up a smoke screen around the retreat.

Date: September 2, 2014
Subject: Await the payment information from you ok

Hello oksan@ b@lsach in regrds to your mail,

well we understand all what you have said we will be waiting for the western union information from you by Friday as you just said now and at once the loan funds will be transfer into your dad account also you will be inform by your dad bank as soon as the tranfserring bank deposit the loan funds use the western union detail below ok...... well thanks for asking about my kids oksana , they are doing very well they have goon back to school yes you talk about the private retreet yes sometimes they on a farm but not all time i let them go .....as soon as you make the payment do not fail to get back to me with the MTCN number and also the senders names use the details below and get back with the information needed ok.

Thanks.

Mr.Harry.

The lad seems happy with this, so I guess my dodge wasn’t too out of the blue. However, at this point, he has apparently decided to send me all ongoing emails in his eye-popping, 20-point bold font. Really annoying. It takes a lot to get on my bad side, but now I *really* want to make him hurt…

In any case, this is going to allow me to continue my conversation with the friendly neighborhood EFCC-Man, while Weronika and I go to the stupid retreat.

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:29 pm

September 4, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

im sorry to bother U again but i was hoping that U cood give some mor informashin on a differnt person. i no U told me that i shood not emale mister pascale but i hope U can tell me about some one else.

anyways like i told U i recenty started helping my dad with some of his buisness and im also working with a very nice mane named mister harry loans and whos emale address is harryloans@<domain>.com and i was hoping you could tell me if he is is good for me 2 work with and if he is rejistered loan lender with efcc. i rilly hope so becuz he is a very nice man and very help full and he is friends with my dad so i wood hate 2 hear U say that he is also a nigirian scamer.

anyways i'm going 2 B sending him a payment like rilly soon so if U cold get bak 2 me and let me know if he is a scamer or not i would appreshate it.

thank you

oksan@ b@lsach

After I mentioned that I would be sending a payment if the EFCC cleared the harryloans email address, I felt pretty confident that I would be receiving a reply soon and, sure enough, about six hours later…

Date: September 4, 2014
Subject: EFCC Nigeria
From: [email protected]

Hello oksan@ b@lsach , This email address harryloans@<domain>.com is
one of the registered loan lenders in Nigeria you can have transaction
with hem ok.

September 5, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx agin for the informashin. its good to no that mister harry is a good man and that it is safe to work with him and any one else from the [email protected]@ns emale addres.

anyways even tho i hate 2 kep bothering U i wood lik to no if there R any other scamer emale addreses that i should be care full with?!? i have recenty started helping my dad with some of his buisness and i would hate to lose my dads money to some scamer from nigiria.

thanx so much!!!

oksan@ b@lsach

It’s pretty easy to miss but if you look at the email address in the above letter, it actually reads harry (dot) loans. I also made very sure not to allow any hotlinks to go out in my email. And, would anyone like to guess who owns the harry (dot) loans (at) <domain> (dot) com email address?

Now, all I need is a response from the EFCC and we should be good to go…

September 5, 2014

Hello in regards to your mail,

We the Efcc of nigeria want you to know that if you are having
transaction with send there email address so we can verified if the
email is registered in nigeria for bunnies if you have any email do
not fail to email us ok.
Thanks.

Aaaand, bingo! My harry (dot) loans email addy has just been verified by the EFCC! (Or, at least, it wasn’t not verified after I asked them about it…)

Although, I do have to admit that I had a bit of a WTF moment when I read the line about being “registered in nigeria for bunnies”. For some reason, it took me a couple of re-reads before I realized that the lad was trying to type “business”. Since I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot in my heart for bunny rabbits, I just had to bring it up in my response to the lad.

September 8, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx agin soo much 4 the informashin. if i get any mor emales about my dads buisness from any emale addreses other than the [email protected]@ns emale address, i wil let U no. so U can tell me if they if they R registered in nigiria for bunnies.

thanx so much!!!

oksan@ b@lsach

Not much going on here. I just reinforced that I was communicating with the harry (dot) loans email addy and, of course, I had to mention the bunny registration. I got the following response from the EFCC but saw no reason to respond back. Even though it’s generally bad form to give the lad the last word, I didn’t see any way I could use this email to extend the plot any further at this point.

September 9, 2013

Hello in regards to your mail, oksana those email address you are
having helping your dad with some of his business you are advice to
send down the email so we verified if the email is registered before
you complete the business with them also those scammer email in
Nigeria are very many because day open address almost everyday so the
better way just send the email you are having business with ok

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:32 pm

Remember – the majority of this correspondence took place while I was away on the retreat and now it’s Friday, I’m back home, my lad has been cleared by the EFCC, and it’s time to make a payment!

Date: September 5, 2014
Subject: western union payment

dear proffessor harry

well im bak from my stupid retreet and just lik i thot it wood be it sukked LOL!!! did i tell U that we had 2 go 2 a stupid farm and talk about private girl things?!? omg it was sooo embarasing!!! and just lik i thot that stupid kurwa dziwka weronika sobczak new soo much about that stuf and i dont no wy boys seem to lik her, that big fat cow LOL!!!

anyways i think friderich is starting to get tired of her so maybe ill be abel 2 get him back and woodnt that be grate? ill show that stupid weronika 'suczka' sobczak that U dont haf 2 B nasty 2 get a boy LOL!!!

anyways dont worry i didnt forget 2 go into town and take care of ur payment. the only little problem is that once i got into town theres not westen union in our town. i rilly rilly hope this isnt a big deal and that theres some other way we can get ur payment 2 U.

anyways can U plees let me no how els i can pay U?
lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

A few notes here:
(i) The Polish word “suczka” translates to “bitch”. For a while I thought about trying to make some sort of play on words since suczka and Sobczak both have a lot of the same letters in them but, then I realized – this is Polish! There are probably more Polish words that have the “czk” letter combination in them than don’t!
(ii) Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, who will be performing his new hit single “U Dont Haf 2 B Nasty 2 Get a Boy”.
(iii) I’m pretty sure we established (many months ago) that there is no WU in my town. I’ll bet the lad forgot and, since we were so close to making payment, I’m sure he’s disappointed.

Date: September 6, 2014
Subject: Amount to send: 3,000 zl

Hello oksan@ b@lsach,

We got your mail that you didn't fine the western union store we want you to know that you can go to the money gram store and get the payment send also as soon as you make the payment you advice to at once get back to us with the money gram information to pick up the 3,000zl so your dad loan will transfer to his account at once ok.

MONEY GRAM INFORMATION.

Receiver's name: Uyigue Helen
Country: Nigeria
STATE: EDO STATE
Question text: When
Text Answer: Now
Amount to send: 3,000 zl

As soon as you have send this payment, so i will kindly want
you to email us with the information that is list below:

Senders Name:
Country:
State:
City:
M.T.C.N Number:

Mr. Harry.

Wow. He actually handled that pretty well. I’m surprised, because I know he’s getting anxious. Although I was really hoping that he wouldn’t email me his payment details again, I’m not shocked that he did so. In any case, I can work around that.

September 8, 2014

dear proffessor harry

omg the kewlest kewlest thing hapened over the week end!!! my best frend zofia herd from one of her frends that friderich told that stupid suczka weronika that he dint want 2 see her any more. and gess what?!? it was true!!! rite after wiola told zofia that friderich broke up with weronika U wil never gess who showd up at my door?!? it was friderich!!! and gess what?!? he wanted to take me to the cinnema!!!

anyways i of corse told friderich that i dint want to go out with him but of corse i do!!! i think ill just make friderich wate a week or 2 and then ill let him take me out some where. (may be i should make him take me some where really nice becuz he left me 4 that big boobed cow weronika but well see LOL!!!) but any way my boy friend is bak and im soooooo happy!!!

anyways i dont no what hapened on our stupid retreet but i dont think its so stupid now becuz it made friderich leeve weronika!!! im soooo happy but ill bet U can tell that, rite, proffessor harry?!?

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

ps: thanx for the informashin. i dint no that westen union and money gramme were the same store. one of these days after skool this week ill go 2 town and go 2 the money gramme store and take care of ur payment and i will emale U when i have sent U ur paymet.

I’ve learned that my lad doesn’t like completely off-topic emails, so I put the PS in so I could advance the plot while still forcing him to read through the entire email.

Date: September 9, 2014
Subject: Await the payment

ok we will be waiting for the details after you make the payment sent ok

I received three copies of this email, which means he’s really starting to get antsy. Perfect.

This next modality is all about timing. Even though I normally don’t care about time zones and time differences, I wanted to play this one perfectly. I planned to send this email right around the time school in Poland would let out and (more importantly) at a time when I knew my lad would not be checking his email.

Date: September 10, 2014
Subject: getting reddy 2 sent payment

dear professor harry
thanx again 4 all of ur help. just like i promised U i wood, i am emaling U 2 let U no that i am going in to town rite this minnit to take care of ur payment at the money gramme store. just like ur asistant told me 2 do it, i will B sending him the payment and i will emale him again wen i am done so U no to go pik up the payment.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

Just a passing mention of his assistant; very subtle, and nothing to worry about.

Then, about two hours or so later (just enough time to walk to town, take care of payment, and walk back), I sent out the next email.

Date: September 10, 2014
Subject money gramme payment sent

dear professor harry

i just wanted 2 write 2 let U no that i just got back from the money gramme store and i just sent the payment 2 ur asistant mister gomer just lik he told me 2 do it so pleas let me no when U have got the payment so i can tell every one in my home that i got my dads lone 4 him.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

A couple of hours after I sent this email, I am almost positive that, way off in the distance, I saw a teeny tiny little mushroom cloud go up. While I can’t say with any certainty that this was my lad, I also can’t say that it wasn’t.

Date: September 10, 2014
Subject: We do want you to get back to us now urgent with the information needed below

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We do want you to get back to us now urgent with the information needed below

Senders Name:
Country:
State:
City:
M.T.C.N Number:
Phone Number:

Mr. Harry.

I received at least four copies of this email.

Date: September 11, 2014
Subject: urgent now with the reference number

oksan@ b@lsach we want you to get back to us urgent now with the reference number and also the name you use in sending the fee ok

I received at least four copies of this email.

Date: September 12, 2014
Subject: Hello why the delay oksana get back to us now with the reference number giving to you from the money GRAM store ok

Hello why the delay oksana get back to us now with the reference number giving to you from the money GRAM store ok

I’m not quite sure, but I’m starting to get the impression that he may be upset about something…

Date: September 12, 2014
Subject: URGENT reference number needed from you to confirm the payment ok

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we do want you to know that you need to send us the reference number giving to you in the money gramme store those information the name you use in sending the 3,000 zl and also the reference number send this information to us now ok.

URGENT reference number needed from you to confirm the payment ok

I just couldn’t understand the first ten emails he sent me but now I get it. Apparently, he wants me to send him some sort of transaction information.

Chill, dude. You’ll live longer.

September 12, 2014

dear proffessor harry

Y do U need all that money gramme informashin? i sent all that 2 ur asistant mister gomer just lik he told me 2 do and he sed that he wood pick it all up and bring it 2 U. can U pleas let me no wen U get it and wen my dads lone will B coming?

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

While I have been known to stretch the truth a bit from time to time for the sake of telling a better story, I can tell you in all honesty – and I shit you not – that I received a response not even 2 minutes after I sent this email out.

September 12, 2014

Hello you most send the money gram reference number giving to you send it to us now

September 12, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

whats up with all of the emales?!? U do no that i have a life outside of U and ur bank and ur lone, dont U?!? did i tell U that last week friderich broke up with weronika and that he showd up at my door and askd me 2 go 2 the cinnema with him?!? and anyways even tho i told friderich i dint want 2 go out with him i rilly did!!!

anyways gess what?!? friderich showd up at my hous last nite and askd me 2 go out with him agin!!! and this time he told me he had some funny storys to tel me about weronika and that he wood only tel me if i went out with him. sins i rilly wanted to go out with him anyways i sed yes and so to mak a long story short he's taking me out tonite!!!

anyways if things go wel, we mite try to go out to the park and have lunch together to morrow. sins I'm prolly gonna be pritty bizzy with friderich (LOL!!!), i just wanted to send U the money gramme informashin befor i forget LOL!!!

anyways lik i told U, ur asistant mister gomer told me that he wood tak care of my payment and pick it all up and bring it 2 U. mister gomer told me 2 send the payment to mister ogbebor uyinor (thats a pritty silly name dont U think?!?) of nigiria and i think the money gramme number was 53654838.

anyways can U pleas let me no wen mister gomer givs U the money and wen my dads lone will B coming?

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

A few notes:
(i) I waited a few hours before sending this out and, even though I broke my 24-hour rule here, I had a good reason for doing so. First, I truly believed that, if I kept the lad hanging any longer, he was going to blow a gasket. More importantly, since I think a slow burn is way more fun than a quick explosion, I gave the lad some of the information that he needed and then told him that I would be out of pocket for the next couple of days. While he’s getting all worried about being chopped, the weekend (and Friderich) beckons!
(ii) The name of the MG recipient is real(ish), since it was actually the last one given to me by the Pascal loan company.
(iii) I know we all feel that some of the names of the folks to whom we’re asked to send payment are pretty silly. However, only Oxy is tactless enough to actually say it.
(iv) This email was sent on a Friday afternoon and I am not going to respond to the lad until Monday morning. Since I’m going to guess that I will receive between 6 and 8 emails from the lad between now and then, I’m going to set the over-under number at 7.

Date: September 13, 2014
Subject: Await your urgent mail for the details ok.

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We need this information urgent from you so we can confirm the payment on time for you to get your dad loans transfer to his account on awaiting the details needed from you now ok.

DETAILS NEEDED TO CONFIRM PAYMENT

senders name:
Country:
reference number :

This are the information needed from you so we can confirm the payment on time and for you to get your dad loan funds complete transfer ok.

Await your urgent mail for the details ok.

Mr .Harry.

I received two copies of this email. And, then, 13 minutes later, I received two copies of the following:

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:34 pm

Date: September 13, 2014
Subject: Hello warning
From: [email protected]

Hello warning Mr abukari is a scammer do not email him anymore from now ok.

September 13, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx U 4 the informashin. the only thing is i dont no a mister abkari. is he an other of my dads frends?

oksan@ b@lsach

I know a broke a couple of my rules here (the 24-hour rule, the no weekend emails rule) as well as ignoring my earlier statement that I would be spending the entire weekend with Friderich, but it is all for a purpose. By responding to the EFCC, but by ignoring the lad, I am subtly increasing the pressure on him.

Also, I truly have no idea who in hell Abukari is. I’m guessing it’s another alias used by the original group of lads.

Date: September 14, 2014
Subject: URGENT

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We need this information urgent from you so we can confirm the payment on time for you to get your dad loans transfer to his account on awaiting the details needed from you now ok.

DETAILS NEEDED TO CONFIRM PAYMENT

senders name:
Country:
reference number :

This are the information needed from you so we can confirm the payment on time and for you to get your dad loan funds complete transfer ok.

Await your urgent mail for the details ok.

Mr .Harry.

I received two copies of this email. Then, 15 minutes later, I received two copies of the following:

Date: September 14, 2014
Subject: Warning this email address is scammer do not email nor answer to this from now on ok :[email protected]
From: [email protected]

Hello oksan@ b@lsach abukari is wanted in all Nigeria if you receive
any of his email from now do not answer to it anymore because is a
scammer

Warning this email address is scammer do not email nor answer to this
from now on ok :[email protected]

Thanks.

September 14, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx again 4 the informashin. i have not bin emaling mister abkari and i have not bin emaling mister pascale and i have only bin doing buisness with [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com

oksan@ b@lsach

At this point, I’m sure my lad is having a cow. I’ve emailed the EFCC twice over the weekend and have not emailed him. Even better, since he can’t let me know that he and the EFCC are one in the same, he can’t even react to the fact that I’ve been ignoring him.

I also created a hotlink to the harry (dot) loans email address in this email. Whereas I didn’t want to telegraph the existence of the address in my earlier email, I now want to start sowing the seeds that I have been dealing with someone other than my lad. (Although, given how upset he is, it may take a while for him to figure it out.) And, again, since he and the EFCC are supposed to be different entities, it should be interesting to see how the lad broaches this topic.

September 14, 2104

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We need this information urgent from you so we can confirm the payment on time for you to get your dad loans transfer to his account on awaiting the details needed from you now ok.

DETAILS NEEDED TO CONFIRM PAYMENT

senders name:
Country:
reference number :

This are the information needed from you so we can confirm the payment on time and for you to get your dad loan funds complete transfer ok.

Await your urgent mail for the details ok.

Mr .Harry.

I also received another copy of this email on the 15th. Yeah, the lad is ready to blow. Then, 16 minutes later, I received this email:

Date: September 15, 2014
Subject: EFCC.TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.
From: [email protected]

Hello we got your mail, We got an information about the transfer of
your dad loan today and the fee of 3,000zl you send to Mr Harry has
not been confirm because you have not yet giving them the name that
you use in sending the fee , also with the country , and the reference
number try and email those information to Harry today so your loan we
complete transfer today...

Also the efcc hand office send down a latter about abukari anyway
good that you have nothing doing with him because is wanted in Nigeria
for scam .

We do want you to get back to us right now with your telephone number ok.

How awesome is this? Since the lad couldn’t let me know that he and the EFCC are the same person, and since I was emailing the EFCC and not him, he now has the EFCC inquiring about the payment information for a loan he’s giving me. And, isn’t it great that the request for payment information comes first and then he follows that up with a scam alert?

Date: September 15, 2014
Subject: WHY THE DELAY?

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We need this information urgent from you so we can confirm the payment on time for you to get your dad loans transfer to his account on awaiting the details needed from you now ok.

DETAILS NEEDED TO CONFIRM PAYMENT

senders name:
senders Country:
reference number :
Telephone Number:

This are the information needed from you so we can confirm the payment on time and for you to get your dad loan funds complete transfer ok.

Await your urgent mail for the details ok.

Mr .Harry.

I received two copies of this email, for a total of eight emails from the lad over the weekend, and another five from the EFCC. If I can find out the name of the cyber café he uses, I should try to buy some stock.

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:35 pm

Date: September 15, 2014
Subject: money gramme payment

dear proffessor harry,

srsly, whats up with all of those emails?!? dint u under stand me that i was spending all week end with friderich? and that i wood not have emale acces?!?

anyways I rilly dont under stand Y U R asking me for all this informashin (over and over and over and over). i sent all that 2 ur asistant mister gomer so dint he give it 2 U? i no U R a big banker but dont U talk to ur assistance?!?

anyways i got an emale from mister gomer who told me that he pikked up the payment no problem so im surprized he dint bring it 2 U all reddy. pleas let me no wen my dads lone will B coming.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

For the time being, the whole Friderich/Weronika subplot is going to have to take a back seat. With any luck, I’m going to be stirring up some serious chaos and any story that I try to tell is going to get lost amidst all of the noise and panic.

September 15, 2014

Hello lotsa love we do not understand any of what you are talking about, we did not told you to send payment to mister gomer we only give you the details in which you we use in sending the fee we o not no any mister gomer that mister gomer is from another person that you email because we do understand very well that the only information we email to you is how to make the fee sent...like how you said that mister gomer have confirm the fee all you should know now send us the attach deposit slip in which you in making the fee we are waiting the deposit slip of the payment because we do not know any mister gomer you are talking about ok.

One question I get a lot from new baiters is about naming their characters. As I’ve stated before, I really don’t get hung up a lot on names since I think that most baiters’ names are chosen more for the baiters’ amusement than anything else. Generally, I tell fledgling baiters to let the limits for naming their characters to be determined by the lads and, if the lads seem to be questioning the name, to change it.

That said, I cannot believe this chucklehead (who is very likely a different member of the gang instead of my regular lad) seriously thinks that my name is “Lotsa Love”. I mean, I figured out long ago that these guys didn’t graduate at the top of their class in ladschool but this new development is really laughable.

September 17, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

of coruse U no mister gomer!!! he is ur asistant isnt he?!? he emaled me and told me that U had to go a way on buisness and that he wood tak over for me to pay ur lone fees 2 him. he is a very nice man and he explaned every thing to me very simple and clear and he was rilly EZ to work with so i cood sent U the 3.000 zlotys 4 my dads lone fees just lik U told me 2 do.

anyways insted of U keep asking me for all this informashin, why dont U just talk 2 mister gomer and ask him about the payment i made? srsly, sins both of U work to gather in nigiria, woodnt it B better 4 U 2 just talk 2 him?!? LOL!!!

anyways please please please straiten things up with mister gomer and then let me no wen my dads lone will B coming.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

And there we have it. My lad has not just been chopped, he’s been Gomer chopped!

Date: September 17, 2014
Subject: Hello lotsa love you are a very big full

Hello lotsa love you are a very big full in the word how should you send the fee to someone not this email i really understand that you are not really ready to claim the loan ok .

This email arrived not only in a big honking 32-point bold font but in RED letters. Uh oh, I guess I’m really in for it now…

September 18, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

I thot U were a nice man so i just dont under stand Y U wood call me a full!!!

anyways mister gomer emaled me and told me that he new all about my dads lone and that he is ur asistant and that he wood tak over for me 2 pay ur lone fees 2 him becuz U had 2 go a way on buisness. since i didnt no who he was i cheched his emale with mister lamorde and the efcc and they told me that i cold work with him and that he was not a scamer from nigiria!!!

anyways R U trying 2 tell me that mister gomer doesnt work with U at harryloans?!? srsly, how cold i have nown that?!?

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

Since there was no response from my lads, it looks like it may be time to play every sixteen-year old’s favorite cards: “It’s Not My Fault” and “Shift The Blame”…

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:37 pm

Date: September 19, 2014
Subject: thanx a lot!!!!!!!1!!! Sad

dear mister lamorde,

i just wanted 2 rite and say thanx soooooo much for the informashin U gave me!!! thanx 2 U, i got in trubble with mister harry my dads banker becuz i lost his lone transfer fees and sent them 2 some one els. even after I askd U about the [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com emale address and U told me 2 work with them mister gomer ended up being a nigirian scamer!!!

anyways becuz of U, mister harry is mad at me and i mite even lose my dads lone and that will get me in trubble with my uncle bilo and may be even the rest of my famlee. when i asked U about the [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com emale address, why did U tell me they were registered in nigeria for bunnies when they rilly ended up been nigirian scamers?!?

anyways i rilly hope U can find that mister gomer and get him 2 give my dads zlotys bak to me so i can pay mister harry his lone trasnfer fees!!!

thanx so much!!!

oksan@ b@lsach

So, what do you think? Was my tone petulant and/or sarcastic enough? In any case, I didn’t receive a response for a couple of days, so I was starting to get worried and thinking that I may need to grovel a bit and write a letter of apology to my lad, but then this showed up in my mailbox:

Date: September 23, 2014
Subject: EFCC
From: [email protected]

Hello this is the harry loans real email address harryloan@<domain>.com
and not [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com so you see you got the harry loans
wrong this is the very right email of the harryloans@<domain>.com ok.

Let’s all make a note of that. The harryloans@<domain>.com addy isn’t just the right email, it is the very right email.

September 24, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx agin 4 the informashin and 4 making sure that i dont get scamed by an other nigirian scamer. even tho i dont no who U R, i still think U R a very nice man 4 helping me not to get scamed any more.

anyways if the [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com emale address isnt real, do U no who this mister gomer is and how did he no to emale me about my dads lone? and do U no if the efcc is going 2 try 2 hunt down this nasty mister gomer and bring him 2 justiss?!? if any one at the efcc can find mister gomer and get him 2 give my dads zlotys bak 2 me, i will be sooooo happy ill prolly give him a big kiss LOL!!!

anyways sins im going 2 be trying 2 send an other payment 2 mister harry rilly soon can you please confim that mister harry is registered in nigiria for bunnies with the efcc. which is the correkt email address i shood use ----- is it harryloan@<domain>.com or harryloans@<domain>.com?

thanx so much!!!

oksan@ b@lsach

I was really trying hard here to induce my lad to email me at the harry (dot) loans (at) <domain> (dot) com email addy. I tried to create some mystery as to who the chopper was and how he knew who I was, but no luck.

Since it had been a while since I heard from the loan lad, I also wanted to make sure that he was still on the hook by reinforcing the idea that I would soon be sending him another payment.

September 24, 2014

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail, Regards to you if you most know
the right email for Mr. Harry is harryloans@<domain>.com also we do
want you to know that Mr. harry and his company is well registered in
Nigeria also before you were told that if you do transaction with Mr
harry you will never regret it ok

Wow. Not only is my lad registered in Nigeria, he is well registered. And his email addy is the very right email. And I will never regret doing a transaction with him. I don’t know about y’all but any doubts I’ve had about this guy have well-nigh evaporated…

September 26, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx sooo much 4 all this help and informashin. im rilly looking to wards finnishing this lone with mister harry and im shore i wont regret working with him (altho he mite regret working with me LOL!!!) becuz hes soooo nice and help full even if he does some times get mad at me 4 stuff that is just waaaay out of my control.

anyways i dont no if U can tell me this but has the efcc been abel to find that horrabel mister gomer who scamed me out of all that money?!? lik i sed id love it if some one cood trak him down and get him 2 give my dads zlotys bak 2 me. i just have no idea how he new about my dads lone and how he new 2 emale me from [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com and Y he wood tak my payment away from mister harry. that kind of stuf is just mean isn't it?!?

thanx agin!!!

oksan@ b@lsach

I hope my ego’s not getting too inflated here, but I just love this email. I’ve already ensured that the hook is still baited and now I make sure it’s firmly set by mentioning how I’m looking forward to finishing the loan. Then, on top of that, I even say something that is 100% the truth when I mention that my lad may regret working with me.

Once again, I tried inducing my lad to email Gomer at the fake addy but he still didn’t bite. Short of saying “Please send an email to harry (dot) loans (at) <domain> (dot) com”, I’m just not sure what else I can do.

September 26, 2014

Hello gomer is scammer and we are looking forward to get him ok.

Yeah, right. Nothing more to say here, so it’s time to move back to my lad.

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:41 pm

Date: September 26, 2014
Subject: payment of lone transfer fees

dear proffessor harry,

i just wanted 2 rite and say how sorry i am 4 sending my dads lone payment 2 that nasty mister gomer. altho i dont rilly think it was all my falt since i did email mister lamorde at the efcc and he told me it was ok 2 work with the [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com emale address becuz they were registered in nigeria for bunnies and if mister lamorde had told me that mister gomer was a nigirian scamer i wood not have worked with him!!!

anyways U woodnt beleef how much trubble i got in with my uncle bilo. he got so mad at me and he yaled and yaled and yaled at me!!! at one time he told me that he shod tak the money out of my collage fund becuz he sed that im too stoopid 2 go 2 collage but then he changed his mind and yaled at me that if i went 2 collage i mite get smart enuff that i woodnt do such stoopid things.

anyways i rilly dont under stand how going to collage maks U smarter just by being there but if uncle bilo sez it i gess its true. how about U professor harry? do U think going to collage made U smarter or ill bet U were all ready smart LOL!!!

anyways after he finished yaling at me uncle bilo told me that he wood give me some zlotys 2 help pay off my dads lone transfer fees so in a cupple of days i wil mak an other payment 2 U so we can get my dads lone done and sent 2 him.

anyways i rilly am sorry about messing up lik this and i hope we can stil work to gether to get my dads lone done and sent 2 him.

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

I know, I know -- I’m starting to run the “registered for bunnies” line into the ground. It’s just that the line has to be one of the coolest damn things that has ever been said to me. Even though I’m sure my usage is going right over the lad’s head, I can’t even look at the line without laughing.

Date: September 26, 2014
Subject: This is the company right email address :Harryloans@<domain>.com

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail well noted, We do want you to know that we understand all what you have said so far , we do want you to know that you are to use western union if you truly got the 3,000zl i want you to know that this company have promise your dad the loan funds and nothing will stop it if you have the complete 3000zl just get back to us urgent so we can email you the western union information for you to send down the fee of 3,000zl ...What you should understand by now scammer is all over the internet if you are making this very payment do not make any problem because only the western union details will be giving to you this is the last point the company is offering you try and get back to us on time today so we can email you the western union information to make the payment ok also we do want you to know that as soon as you make the payment do not delay to send down the scan copy of the western union slip ok... await your urgent mail now so we can email you the western union information as soon as you make the payment sent true the western union we re to get back to us with the information to pick it up the MTCN number also with the senders name and text question and answer ok. Thanks Mr.Harry.

I’m not sure but I think we’re back to the original lad. Even though he’s still emailing me in his obnoxious 20-point bold font, he’s at least using my given name and not “Lotsa Love”. Although, I will be the first to admit that I can’t quite put my finger on the lads’ organizational structure. When the dollar chop hit, I was expecting to hear from one of the higher-ups in the org to try to solve the problem. Instead, I heard from someone who was so stupid he couldn’t even figure out my name from the signature line.

In any case, part one of my plan for serious lad pain has been completed successfully. My dollar chop ate up a bit over a month of the bait, required my lad to add a new character and create a new email address, resulted in I couldn’t tell you how many emails, and caused some serious consternation over at lad HQ. I know my lad’s pretty frustrated, since I got some sort of half-baked “complete this now or else” threat so that means we’re on to phase two of my plan!!!

September 29, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

thanx soooo much 4 being sooooo cool about this and 4 kepping my dads lone money safe un till i can send U ur payment. now i no why my dad wanted me 2 work with U and Y he sed U were such a nice man!!!

anyways lik i told U my uncle bilo told me that he wood give me some zlotys 2 help me pay off my dads lone transfer fees. when i asked him about the zlotys yester day he sed that he doesn't want me to mak the same mistake as last time so B4 he will give me the zlotys he want me 2 mak sure that i am sending them 2 the rite person.

anyways since mister lamorde at the efcc told me it was ok 2 work with U at [email protected]@ns@<domain>.com emale address becuz U were registered in nigeria for bunnies uncle bilo told me 2 ask U 4 ur efcc registration. as soon as U can send me this i will no that U are rilly U and then uncle bilo will give me some zlotys and then i can send U my payment and then U can send my dads lone to him and then we can all have a big party LOL!!!

anyways please send me ur efcc registration and then we can work to gether and get my dads lone finnished.

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

I have to admit that I’m kind of surprised at the evolution of Bilo. A while back, I realized that I was unconsciously playing Bilo as what Otterfan would term an Invisible Person of Power, so I decided to run with that concept and keep Bilo offstage and make him a full-fledged IPP. It’s kind of amusing to me that Bilo is the only member of the Balsach clan with half a brain since, when I first came up with the idea of Harry having a brother, I named him after Borat’s brother (who was a rather … *special* … kind of individual).

And, as much as I hate to leave y'all stuck on a cliffhanger, I think this is about as good a place as any to end publication for the time being. We're pretty close to present day and I've got things a-brewing so here's hoping there's plenty more fun to be had with Prof. Harry and the loan lads.

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:39 pm

I’ve been thinking (which is always a dangerous proposition) but wouldn’t “Oxy and the Loan Lads” be a really cool name for a band? (Even though “Lotsa Love and the Loan Lads” is alliterative, I just don’t think it has the same zing to it.) I’m thinking that they could be a retro-80’s cover band and could perform songs by Pat Benatar, Berlin, The Go-Go’s, and maybe The Bangles. Just a thought, so if anyone needs a band name, it’s up for grabs.

Anyways (to use Oxy’s favorite tic) when last we left off, the loan lads were still stinging from having their dollar chopped and Oxy had just asked them for their EFCC registration so they could prove that they were, well, them. I really think that, *snicker* from here on out, *chuckle* things will start to get easier *snort* for them.

Date: October 2, 2014
Subject: Await your urgent mail.

Hello oksan@ b@lsach here is the company efcc registration we do want you to go true it and get back so we can email you the western union information to make the 3,000zl sent also before doing that you are advice to change your email password right away ok.

Await your urgent mail.
Mr. Harry.

I received two copies of this email – along with the attached file – and just for the hell of it, I thought I'd check out the real EFCC website (https://efccnigeria.org/efcc/) and see what they had to say about our scammer friends. Boy, do I have a few thoughts on what I found:

1. Whereas I thought my lads had just doctored up some stupid fake logo, the logo in my fake doc is actually the EFCC's real logo. That's just atrocious.

2. The EFCC has a task force named Special Control Unit against Money Laundering, abbreviated to SCUML. Couldn't they have just referred to it as "Money Management" and given us a SCUMM acronym? (If my memory serves me correctly, I think the industrial band Skinny Puppy once released a song named SCUMM or SKUMM or something along those lines.)

3. And here is the one that really honked me off. If you check out the "Scams and Safety" section of the EFCC website (https://efccnigeria.org/efcc/index.php/scams-safety), you'll find this little gem:

Quote:

To a considerable extent, most scams are promoted by the greed of victims. (emphasis added) For instance, a person who has not entered for a lottery ought not to expect to win yet people, out of greed, believe they can be winners in a game they have not played! So, the starting point is for people to check the appetite for unmerited windfalls.

And therein lies the problem we are facing. When even the Nigerian governmental org investigating our lads thinks that it is the *victims* that are at fault, and not the scammers, it is impossible to believe that they are going to make a serious attempt at enforcing the laws and punishing the scammers.

Okay. I’m going to get off my soapbox now and return to the bait.

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:42 pm

October 3, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

thanx 4 sending me ur copmany efcc registration. its rilly good 2 no U R not like that nasty mister gomer and U R approved by the efcc.

anyways the only thing is who is this JP LENDERS copmany in your letter. i thot ur copmany was called [email protected].

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

Before anyone says anything, yes, I am fully aware that I am really balancing on the edge here in regard to educating the lads.

For those who may be unaware: we do not say or do anything in our baits that will teach our lads to become better baiters. While it is perfectly acceptable for us to nitpick with our lads, we generally let larger, more blatant mistakes go since these are the kinds of errors that may tip off real victims that things may not be entirely on the up-and-up. (Examples: a clearly amateurish passport or a bank with a business address at #### Wall Street, Chicago, CA) When in doubt, it’s always better to ask your mentor or (failing that) to ask yourself if whatever you are doing is going to make the lad a better scammer.

I had to think long and hard about this one, since the lads are pretty obviously re-using a document from the good old days when they were all part of the Jeanpierre Pascal loan company (which is where I assume the “JP” comes from). Given that I’ve maneuvered the lads into a pretty specific situation (they’ve recently been chopped; there’s someone posing as them; and they’ve set up an EFCC contact for me to communicate with, which opened the door to me asking for their EFCC registration) I thought it was an acceptable risk to take since I didn’t think such a situation would likely come up with a legitimate victim. (Heck, I didn’t even know the EFCC existed until they contacted me.) Again, I know I’m walking a pretty fine line here but, if I made a mistake, I would of course welcome the discussion.

Date: October 6, 2014
Subject: Awaiting your reply

Dear Oksan@ b@lsach

Yes the company EFCC registration was registered as JP LENDERS, But JP LENDERS gave birth to HARRY LOANS.
in other words, they are one and the same. get back to us now so we can email you the western union information in which you are going to use in making the 3,000zl ok.
Awaiting your reply

Yours Faithfully
Mr Harry

I received three copies of this email.

October 7, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

i rilly dont no much about buisness so I showed this to my uncle bilo. he told me that may be jplenders did gave birth 2 harryloans but that shood meen that u shood hav some kind of birth certificate 4 harry loans, doesnt it? i meen, just becuz U tell me that this jplenders place is registered with the efcc that doesn't meen that harry loans is auto maticly registered does it?

anyways can u pls send me some thing that shows me that harryloans is registered with the efcc?

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

Yes, I did just ask for a birth certificate for a company. Hardly one of my most shining jurisprudential moments.

Back in law school, one of my best friends and I would keep a running list of the stupid, inane, and just downright bizarre things that our classmates and professors would say. While asking for a company’s birth certificate would definitely have placed in the top ten (and maybe even the top five), sadly, it’s not even close to the dumbest thing we ever heard.

Date: October 8, 2014
Subject: TREAT AS URGENT

Dear Oksan@ b@lsach

Attached is our C.A.C Certificate its a proof that JP LENDERS gave birth to HARRY LOANS, its more or less
a birth certificate.

NOTE: Get at us to finalize the loan transfer, THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

Yours Faithfully
Mr Harry

I received the following document.

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:47 pm

Since I needed to stir up the pot a bit and since THE CLOCK WAS TICKING, I sent the following email to Oxy from my harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com email addy:

Date: October 8, 2014
Subject: fast and urgent mail from you now.

Hello Oksan@ b@lsach,

Thanks for your mail ,

Am in receipt of your mail and understanding u are confused but u need to know that JP LENDERS is best loan company for u and only want to help okay

There ar emany fraudstars out there but u know that papa gomer would not advice u to do any thing that woud hurt u as my freind and daughter and we need act fast get this transaction done soonest.

i will want you to know that was you get the zl information from my eployee mister harry you have to get back to me so that i can mail you the payment information in which you are going to use in making the payment of zl sent enable you get the loan.

so i will want you to know all we want from you is trust and understanding okay so you need to act fast and get back to us now note once again that once you get the zl information from mister harry you have to get back to me so that i can mail you the payment information in which you are going to use in making the payment sent ok.

fast and urgent email is needed from you now .

Thanks
Best Regard
papa gomer

Before anyone asks, this email was difficult as all hell to write. Since I had serious problems trying to write like a semi-literate lad, I had to crib from some of my other loan lads’ emails and try to match the meter and syntax. Then, I sent out the letter in this onbnoxious 18-point bold Times New Roman font. Really awful.

Then, I responded back as Oxy and mistakenly (!) included my lads in the response:

October 8, 2014

dear papa gomer

i no U R rilly smart and i no U wood never do any thing 2 hurt me but im just rilly rilly confused. i no U want 2 see me get my dads lone 4 him and i no U no all bout my dad and U no all about his farm and U no all about his pigs but mister harry is all so a rilly nice man and i think he wants 2 help me 2. i just dont no what 2 do becuz U R both so help full and sooo nice but mister harry keps telling me that you are a nigirian scamer and i shood stop talking 2 U.

anyways i do no that this jplenders place is rejistered with the efcc so i gess that meens i should trust U but i stil think mister harry wants 2 help me 2. but if U think it is the rite thing 2 do i promiss U that i will tell U next time mister harry tells me 2 send payment 2 him.

anyways thanx so much 4 ur help with this and i rilly hope this payment will tak care of all of my dads lone procesing fees!!!

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

Then, sure as shit, Oxy got a response back from the lads.

Date: October 9, 2014
From: harryloans

Hello this ‪harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com‬‬‬‬‪ is a scammer also we do not know anything about them you can ask the efcc about this nothing mote ok.‬‬‬‬‬

Then, about two hours later, Oxy got this response:

Date: October 9, 2014
Subject: YOUR URGENT ATTENTION IS REQUESTED
From: EFCC

Note: HARRY (DOT) LOANS (AT) OUTLOOK (DOT) COM (Mr Gomer) is not a registered loan
lender his an internet fraudster under investigation by ICPC AND EFCC,
and impersonating Mr Harry of HARRY LOANS NIGERIA LIMITED.

In the document attached your advised to change all email password
and all communication with this said Mr Gomer should be called off.

In addition your contact number is request for further investigation.

Thanks for your cooperation.

I received two copies of this email, along with the following attachment. When my lads email me as the EFCC, they normally do so within a few minutes of sending out the loan lad email. It took me a while to realize why it took so long but then it hit me – they needed to doctor up my attachment.

As an aside, I know there are some big differences between American football and European footy (or, as we call it, “soccer”) and one of the biggest differences deals with how the two sports treat hits on opposing players. In soccer, when one player hits another player, he gets red-carded, ejected from the game, and booed. In football, when a linebacker clocks a wide receiver, he gets cheered, interviewed after the game, and is encouraged to do it again.

After a wide receiver gets clocked enough times, the receiver gets gun-shy and starts having second thoughts about catching the ball anywhere near the linebacker. At this point, we football purists refer to this as “hearing footsteps” and, right now, I want my lads to start hearing Gomer’s footsteps.

Date: October 9, 2014
Subject: Thunder fire ur mother foolish bastard‏
From: harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com
To: harryloans

HAHAHAHAHHA..... I WORK MAGA OKSAN@ B@LSACH AND GET HER MONI LAST TIEM UR CLIENT PAY U SHE IS PACKAGED GOOD . I GO CHOP U AGIN WHEN NEXT SHE TRY N PAY U OOOO

U SO WEAK I AM LAUGH AT UR LITTLE SKILL FOR HANDLNG U POOR LITTLE BOI

ONE LOVE BRO.

Again, I can’t write ladspeak to save my life, so I had to crib from various sources to try to put together a (somewhat) coherent email. jose_cuervo gave me some advice, pointed me towards some lad slang, and also suggested the email topic. As near as I can tell, the email would translate along the lines of:

Quote:

Hello, my friend. I insinuated myself between you and your victim and intercepted her payment to you. I believe that I have her well and truly bamboozled and I endeavor to intercept her next payment to you as well.

Your baiting skills are severely lacking and I am a superior baiter to you in all respects.

Have a nice day.

Date: October 11, 2014
Subject: Get back to us now.
From: harryloans

Hello Oksan@ b@lsach,

We do want to inform you that you are ask to get back to us now ,also get back to us with your telephone number to contact you as soon as the loan funds has been deposited finally you are advice to do this very urgent we will also we waiting for your urgent mail so we email you the western union details to make the payment sent.

Note: you are advice to change your email password as told before.

You most at fast and get back to us now also papa gomer is a scammer wanted in Nigeria as sure you know what we are talking about is scammer try to at that his employee mister harry never will that happen you send him zl before and he did not send your dad loan we do want you to know that the right information we will email to you is the one you most use in making the 3,000zl sent do not make change and inform papa gomer because his wanted by the efcc. Also we got an information from the efcc today that the scammer that claim to be papa gomer was the one who form harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com which the company aware that the right email is only [email protected] ok.

We will be waiting for your next mail so we send down the western union details ok.

Mr. Harry.

I received three copies of this email. For the time being, I’m going to ignore my loan lads and just focus on the EFCC.

Date: October 13, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

thanx agin 4 all of ur help and informashin. im just rilly confused becuz of all this stuf thats bin going a round and a round and a round. first U tell me to work with jplenders and then U tel me not 2 work with mister gomer and 2 work with mister harry instead and im just rilly rilly confused.

anyways i rilly hope U can explane this to me in EZ words (remember ----- I'm still in skool) and let me no wich copany i shood work with. i have a paper U signed teling me its ok 2 work with jplenders and then mister harry sent me an other paper saying that harry loans and jplenders is the same. and then mister gomer told me that he is jplenders and then U told me not to work with mister gomer even tho he seems lik a rilly nice man.

anyways if jplenders is approved by the efcc why shoodnt i work with them? u sent me a letter saying that jplenders has ben approved by the efcc but then U sent me a letter saying that jplenders isn't approved. so which is it? shood i work with jplenders or shood i not work with jplenders?

thanx 4 all ur help!

oksan@ b@lsach

Date: October 13, 2014
Subject: this email is scammer harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com
From: EFCC

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we want you to know that jplenders and
[email protected] work together also this gomer is scammer do not
work with them because day are trying to act as Mr harry the onlt
person you can work with is this only and right email below
[email protected] day can offer you the loan funds so all we do
want you to do now is stop sending mail to gomer from today and if you
receive any email from them do not answer , you are advice you email
harry and claim your dad loans today ok.

Note; do not email gomer nor harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com day scammer

I received three copies of this email, and then 16 minutes later, I received two copies of this following:

Date: October 13, 2014
Subject: Note: nothing like gomer nor this email harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com
From: EFCC

Hello oksan@ b@lsach,

We want you to know that jplenders and harryloans are same the
only thing we want you to understand here is that there is nothing
like paper gomer in this firm you have to stop giving them information
about your dad loan funds because he is a scammer not a lender, we
will advice you now on this point that from today you stop sending any
mail to gomer email address also stop answering any of their email if
you want to receive your dad loan nobody told you that jplenders is
not approved you can work with them as your dad loans will complete
transfer with the harry ok, all you should do right now just get back
to Mr Harry so you can complete the loan transfer ok.

Note: nothing like gomer nor this email harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com

Hope you understand very well now the right lender that you can
email and complete your dad loans is nobody dan [email protected]

Thanks.
Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde

This is actually a fairly interesting development. I’ve long suspected that I’m working with a gang of loan lads, since I’ve noticed three distinct writing styles (not to even mention the idiot who thought my name was “Lotsa Love”) in my correspondence. However, my receipt of two similar (yet distinct) emails in a short period of time confirms it.

In any case, I’m going to consider this a win. I’ve got two different guys falling all over themselves to ensure I work with harryloans, the first guy is lapsing into pidgin, and the second guy gave me an incorrect email address. I can work with this.

October 16, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

omigawwwd!!! i am lik sooooo confused!!! theres all these people runing around (well, not actually runing theyre just emaling me but U no what i mean LOL!!!) and telling me 2 pay this guy and not 2 pay that guy and 2 work with this guy at this emale address and not 2 work with that guy at that emale address and i just dont no what 2 do!!!

anyways i tried emaling the right lender at [email protected] but i got an error emaled back 2 me so i gess they're out of business. so if jplenders has bin registered with the efcc i gess i can work with mister homer sins he sez he's from jplenders? and sins jplenders and harry loans R the same company i gess i can work with the guys from the harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com emale address?

thanx 4 all ur help!

oksan@ b@lsach

Once again, I know I’m coming fairly close to educating the lads but I still believe I am on the side of the angels on this one. While questioning the EPCC registration of JP Lenders in combination with the formation docs of Harryloans is sort of questionable, the fact that we are knee-deep in a very convoluted situation doesn’t make me think that I’m giving them any information that they could act on in another bait. And, of course, there’s nothing wrong with picking on the lads for sending me an incorrect email address.

Date: October 16, 2014
Subject: EFCC Nigeria
From: EFCC

Hello the register email is [email protected] now that you can
not contact them anymore that show that the gomer scammer have hark
the email of them you have nothing to worry about everything is very
well ok we do want you to email [email protected] so day can tell
you who to make payment to ok.

I received two copies of this email. And, as usual, it looks like we just took two steps forward and one step back. The lad covered the email issue by claiming that harryloans had been “harked” but then he gives me a new email address with not one, but *two*, typos in it. Brilliant.

October 20, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

omigawwwd!!! lik what hapened?!? i thot U sed that i have nothing 2 worry about everything is very well ok but i jsut tried 2 emale [email protected] and i got a Delivery Status Notification (Failure)‏ emale bak. did the the gomer scammer have hark the email of them too?!?

i all reddy lost 3.000 zl to a nigirian scamer and i dont want 2 loss any more so U rilly need 2 tel me who i shood deel with. i keep getting emales from papa gomer and he rilly seems to no a lot abuot my dad but he also keeps teling me that i need 2 mak an other payment 2 him and i just dont no.

please please please PLEASE help me!

oksan@ b@lsach

One of my favorite little tricks is to requote select portions of my lads’ emails back to them. Although I’m not sure if they realize it or not, I consider it a very subtle form of de-education that encourages them to keep using their ludicrous expressions. Maybe I’m just being optimistic but I’m hoping that if a real victim sees a phrase such as “everything is very well ok” or “have hark the email of them” they might realize that the guy writing the email may not be the educated banker he claims to be.

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:53 pm

And now we come to one of the biggest mistakes I made in this bait. The last email that I received from my lads was dated October 11 and I spent the past week or so playing with the EFCC. Real life intervened, and then I realized that I hadn’t heard from my loan lads in a while, nor did I get a response to my last email to the EFCC. Then, just for the hell of it, I decided to check my spam box near the end of October and found this in it:

Date: October 16, 2014
Subject: Hello oksan@ b@lsach,
From: [email protected]

Hello oksan@ b@lsach, We got an information about your loan funds with harry if most know we have nothing like harry (dot) loans (at) outlook (dot) com gomer if you work with them sorry they will only rip your dad money off all you should do right now is for you do stop emailing those scammer gomer if you truly need to receive your dad loans finally ,We the jp lenders have other your loan funds to be paid into your dad account what you are going to do look for how to make payment to us jplenders so you can get your loan funds complete today ok. Await your mail now.

Uh oh. It turns out that my lads sent me this email just a few minutes after the EFCC typoed their address in the October 16 email and this thing has been sitting unanswered in my spam box for close to two weeks. A few notes here:
(i) Note to all baiters: Check your spam boxes regularly. Don’t let this happen to you.
(ii) Another day, another new email address and another new identity. This guy is named “sir Danito Lender” so, apparently, I’m dealing with a member of British nobility whose last name also describes his job duties.
(iii) Looks like it’s time for me to do some damage control.

October 29, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

omigod i am soooooo sory 4 not getting bak to ur email sooner. 4 some reason ur emale ended up in my spam folder and i didnt see it until rite now. i rilly hope ur not mad at me or thinking that i dont like U any more LOL!!!

anyways i decided that I'm going to listen to U and mister lamorde and not emale mister gomer any more. i rilly want to receive my dad loans finally so I'm reddy to send U ur paymnet so can U please let me no how i shood pay U?

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

A couple of days later, I still hadn’t heard anything, so it’s time to try again…

Date: November 3, 2014
Subject: Reddy 2 Send Paymnet
To: harryloans and sir Danito Lender

dear proffessor harry,

im not sure wich of these is the rite emale but i just wanted 2 let U no that i am reddy 2 send paymnet 2 U 4 my dads lone so can U please let me no how i shood pay U?

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

Still nothing. I’m actually kind of worried now. My lads have never gone this long without sending me something. Remember when I used to get mad when they would send me three copies of the same email in some obnoxious 30-point font? I would so love to see one of those emails now, or even the infamous “what is going on” email.

At this point, I was thinking about bringing Harry back from whatever injuries he had, blaming Oxy for bollixing up the payment, and promising my lads that we’d get this loan squared away but my mentor suggested that we create a more urgent need for the money by having Harry take a turn for the worse.

Date: November 13, 2014
Subject: Trying 2 Send Paymnet

dear proffessor harry,

where R U?!? whats going on over there?!? i havent herd from U in a long long time and im rilly afrade that U forgot all about ur friend oxy LOL!!!

anyways im rilly sorry that it took me sooo long 2 get back 2 U. lik i told U ur emale got put in my spam folder and i didnt see it 4 a long long time and i rilly hope U dint think id forgot about U. sins I havent herd from U 4 so long im starting 2 think ur mad at me but i just dont no how you cood be mad at a cute littel girl lik me LOL!!!

anyways im also rilly sorry about all that confution with mister gomer and the other harrylones copmany. mister lamorde told me 2 work with U and i no i can trust U so im not speeking to mister gomer any mor. sins were sooo close to finishing this lone i rilly rilly want to get it done. (and also (even tho my uncle bilo told me not 2 tell U this) my dads not doing that well and needs an operashin and this lone will mak it a lot eezier for him to get it.)

anyways please please please let me know what i need 2 do to make a paymnet 2 U and 2 finnish this lone.

lotsa love (and still ur frend)
oksan@ b@lsach

The next day, I got the idea to email my friends at the EFCC and see if they could help me with my lads…

Date: November 14, 2014
Subject: Pls Help With Harrylones
To: EFCC

dear mister lamorde,

even tho i no its not ur job, I've got a rilly big favor i need to ask U.

anyways is there any way U cood talk to mister harry and ask him 2 emale me? im not supposed to 2 tell U this but my dads not doing that well and needs an operashin and my uncle bilo told me a lone will mak it a lot eezier for him to get it.

anyways after all that confution with mister gomer and the other harrylones company, i think proffessor harry got mad at me becuz he's not emaling me any more even tho i told him that U told me to work with him and not 2 speek to mister gomer any mor.

anyways a littel while ago, i got an emale from a jplenders emale address and I'm pretty sure thats mister harry. the only problem was that the emale got put in my spam folder and i didnt see it 4 a long long time and by the time I emaled mister harry bak I'm afrade he thot i dint want 2 work with U any mor.

anyways next time U spek to mister harry cood U please please tell him that im rilly sorry that i dint emale him rite away and that i still want 2 get his lone and that im still his frend?

thanx sooo much, mister lamorde!
oksan@ b@lsach

Date: November 14, 2014
Subject: YOUR URGENT ATTENTION IS NEEDED
From: EFCC

Dear Oksan@ b@lsach

Your mail was received and a contact mail sent to JP LENDERS, a
reply will be sent to you by mail as soon as possible but in the main
time we would like you to forward your contact or close relative
details to us by mail, this would help us fish and fight this internet
fraudsters like Mr Gomer.

Thanks For your Co operation
Mr Ibrahim

I received two copies of this email. Then, shortly after, I received two copies of the following:

November 14, 2014
From: sir Danito Lender

Hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail,

We do want you to know that your mail was well noted, we have also been working on your dad loans transfer ,first you are to get back to us with your cell phone number the transfer of your dad loans is still on hold all we want you to do now is to try and get back to us as urgent you do not have nothing to worry about everything is still in other , we know how you fill about this as soon as everything is finally done you will be happy once again oksan@ b@lsach we await your mail soonest so we can email you the payment details ok.

Thanks.

He’s back, he’s back! Oh, Xenu be praised, he’s back! I’m so happy that my pet is back I’m not even going to complain about the multiple emails or the fact that there’s no explanation as to why it took so long for him to respond. Instead, I think it’s time for me to write some thank you letters.

But remember folks – please check your spam boxes. Don’t risk losing a great bait like I almost did.

November 17, 2014

dear mister lamorde,

i just got an emale from proffessor harry so thanx soooo much 4 speeking 2 him 4 me!!!

anyways if U think its import ant of coruse I can give U the contact informashin of my frends and famly. the only thing is how is that going to help U find nigirian scamers lik mister gomer?

yor frend,
oksan@ b@lsach

November 17, 2014

dear proffessor harry,

omigawwwd!!! thanx soooo much 4 getting bak 2 me!!! wen i dint here from U 4 so long i thot U got mad at me and then wen my dad got sick and i coodnt get the lone i got rilly woried and i just dint no what to do and now here U are agin!!! even tho i dint think U cood rilly be mad at ur frend oxy!!! (i mean like how cood anyone be mad at a cute littel girl lik me rite LOL!!!)

anyways lik i told U im not going to speek to mister gomer any mor and i rilly rilly want to get this lone finnished sins were so close to the end and then we can get my dad his operashin and then bye him some mor pigs and then we can hav a party and maybe we can bring U and ur kids to poland for a trip.

anyways so U just need 2 let me no what i need 2 do to make a paymnet 2 U and oxy can do every thing els 4 U!!!

lotsa love
oksan@ b@lsach

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:59 pm

Date: November 19, 2014
Subject: await the payment from you soonest
From: sir Danito Lender

hello oksan@ b@lsach we got your mail well noted, here below the western union information which you are to use in making the 3000zl sent today and as soon as you make the payment at once get back to us with the details to pick it up , we also want you to careful about the payment because as soon as you get back to us with the western union payment slip sent your dad loan will transfer at once ok.

WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION

Receiver's name: Amblesso Fortune
Country: Nigeria
STATE: EDO STATE
Question text: 1+1
Text Answer: 2
Amount to send: 3,000 zl

As soon as you have send this payment today, so i will kindly want
you to email me with the information that is list below:

Senders Name:
Country:
State:
City:
M.T.C.N Number:

oksana we will be waiting for payment information back from you this time ok.

I received three copies of this email, which was sent in this obnoxious bold 20-point font but I’m still not complaining. My lads are back, they’re sending multiple emails, and they’re still trying to get back to their script. All is well at the Polish pig farm!

Although – where on earth do they come up with these names? Amblesso Fortune? Come on, now – that’s just silly.

In any case, since we made it through this crisis, it’s time for Oxy to start bringing in some more details of her personal life.

November 20, 2014

dear proffessor harry

OMG OMG OMG!!! did i tell U that friderich and i are bak together and that he is my boy frend agin? that is soooooo kewl isn't it?!?

anyways do U remeber a few weeks ago wen i had 2 go 2 that stupid retreet at that stupid farm and i told U that i thot friderich was starting 2 get tired of that kurwa dziwka weronika sobczak? wel i finnally found out what hapened at the stupid farm and its just sooooo kewl!!!

anyways a bunch of the boys and a bunch of the girls desided to hav a water fite. (i hope U no what i meen.) some of the boys had water guns and some of the boys had water ballons and one of the boys had a bukket and an other boy had a hose and they all got each other wet and it was lik rilly fun. but then even tho she wasnt playing one of the boys desided 2 thro a bukket of water on weronika so everyone wood laff and the boys wood may be get 2 see her thingees (if U no what i meen LOL!!!).

anyways one of the boys thru his bucket on weronika and she got wet and every one laffed at her and then one of the boys saw some thing hanging out from the botom of her shirt and gess what it was?!? it was tishue paper!!! thats rite!!! weronika didn't hav big thingees at al!!! she just stuffed paper in her shirt!!! wasn't that just lik totally embarasing dont U think?!?

anyways now that every one nos that weronika doesn't rilly have big thingees a lot of the boys dont lik her that much any mor and friderich and i are bak together and isnt every thing grate?!?

anyways thanx agin 4 sending me ur informashin. i haf 2 go into town this week end 4 a date (with friderich!!!) so wen i go into town i will also mak sure to send U this payment and give U ur informashin as soon as i do it.

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

Yikes. Even for Oxy, that was a long and rambling email.

The story with Weronika and the toilet paper was (again) based on what was very likely a true story. Back in middle school, there was a girl in our class who everyone strongly suspected stuffed her bra. Every day, it seemed that her, um, thingies were sized slightly differently and, on a couple of occasions, she looked lopsided. Although a number of us plotted to dump some water on her to see what would happen, for some reason (and showing a surprising level of wisdom for hormone-laden 13- and 14-year olds) we never went through with our plan.

Date: November 21, 2014
Subject: Await your mail
From: sir Danito Lender

Hello thanks for your mail oksan@ b@lsach, We do understand your mail we also want you to know that as soon as you make the payment don you are ask to get back to us with the western union payment slip for confirmation .

Await the payment information next from you ok.

Thanks.

I received *seven* copies of this email. I think he may be getting just a little bit anxious for his “paymnet”.

November 24, 2014

dear proffessor harry

just so U dont think im totally dum i wanted 2 let U no that i didnt forget 2 go into town and take care of ur payment wen friderich and i went on our date this week end. the only little problem is that once i got into town theres not westen union in our town. i no i told U this befor but i was thinking that may be U herd that westen union bilt a new store in our town but it turns out they dint and theres still no westen union here Sad

anyways can U plees let me no if theres some other way I can pay U?

lotsa love

oksan@ b@lsach

This email answers another question that new baiters frequently ask. I have told these guys several times that there is no WU in my town yet, every time we get to the point where I need to make a payment, we go through the same song and dance yet again.

While I have no problem doing this (it eats up more time and a few more email exchanges), I really thought that by now these guys would have learned and would just ask Oxy to go straight to the MG store. I covered this one up by assuming that my lad knew that WU was building a new office but the fact remains – these chuckleheads are not learning a thing from their previous mistakes.

Although I’ve got some new plans to cause more lad pain coming up soon, once we get back to payment modalities, it’s nice to know I can chop them again and give them some transposed MTCN numbers and they’re probably not going to get suspicious.

Date: November 25, 2014
Subject: Hope your mail soon.

Hello oksan@ b@lsach thanks for your mail, Below that money gram payment details for you to make the payment and get back to us also with the payment slip for the confirm soon ,we also want you to know that you have to send the payment on time so we can work on your dad loans ok.

Note: Payment is needed on time and also get back to us with your cell phone number so we can finally complete the transfer and do not send this payment information to any one ok.

MONEY GRAM PAYMENT INFORMATION

Receiver's name: Amblesso Fortune
Country: Nigeria STATE: EDO STATE
Amount to send: 3,000 zl

As soon as you have send this payment , so i will kindly want
you to email me with the information and attach the scan copy of the payment

slip that is list below:
RF: Number:
Senders Name:

oksana we will be waiting for payment information back from you this time ok.

I received two copies of this email.

And, for now, I think that’s about as good a place as any for us to end this edition of the ongoing saga of Oxy and the Loan Lads. I’ve completed part two of my plan for serious lad pain and, while it didn’t work out quite as well as I had hoped, it was still a fun almost-two months. Although I was hoping for some customized docs (or even some sort of photo ID), I did get a couple of docs, required my lad to set up a *new* new email account, and shook things up pretty well over at lad HQ (and also had a bit of a scare myself but the less said about that, the better). Still, I didn’t quite cause the lad pain I wanted so that just means I’m going to need to try harder as I move on to phase three.

Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 9:23 am

I have just finsihed reading this thread and my sides hurt from laughing! I must admit that I love the daughter way more than Harry! I think it is time that Harry finally "died" from his injuries (way too much stress for the girl, more turmoil etc). Also that creates a whole new mess as you cannot loan a dead man money but hey, she could get the loan now right?

BUT, did she lie about her age? It can't be legal for a 14 year old to get a loan (or a 16 year old for that matter)? Legal authorities may authorize it if Harry the loan guy fills out 40 page form though!

Of course the b/f (nice guy that he is) could "chop" Oksanas account and leave her broke for a while too, all the while getting her pregnant (ahhhhhh more drama).

I know you are shooting for the year long timer, so I thought I would add my twisted thoughts to it! I have not baited yet but this story (and your beginner guide) are inspiring me tones!

This is also my first post, of many I hope! Can't wait to read more about this bait! Feel free to use my ideas, as I am going to use some of yours!!!!

Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 9:32 am

Sorry one ore thing that I found amusing. In your posts, you said that the lad was sending emails in really big font? How about sending one written so small he will have to go inside the monitor to read it? Like may 1 pnt? I doubt he knows how to use cntrl + to blow it up?

I also love the polish phrases that you use! I love Google translate for stuff! głupie pieprzone kurwy!

Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:51 pm

Thanks, canuckbaiter, and welcome aboard!

Yeah, writing as Oxy is a hell of a lot of fun. I think I may have to bring her into more baits or set up an email for her and start using her as a primary.

I hadn't thought about killing Harry off but that does open up some interesting avenues. And Friedrich hasn't really done much yet so I like the pregnancy/theft ideas. Thanks!

Plenty more fun to come with this one -- I just need to get off my butt, recover from the holidays, catch up on some other baits, and then prepare this one for publication.

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:59 pm

First off, welcome back. It’s been a while between updates and we’re now at the 9+ month mark with these chuckleheads and, although we’ve hit a bit of a rough patch, things are still progressing towards my sand timer.

Next, I’m going to change my format up very slightly. T0 k33p fr0m g3tt1ng 1n tr0ubl3 w1th bwar3 fr0m 0v3r-l33t1ng, I am going to remove Oxy’s signature from all of my emails. However, rest assured that, not only did Oxy sign all of her emails, she still put in that stupid ASCII squirrel. Then, where my lads used my character’s name, I am going to replace it with <OXY>.

Anyways, on with the show…

A day or so after my lads sent me their last email, and before I even had a chance to get back to them, I received two more copies of the following email from them. Yeah, they’re definitely starting to get anxious.

Date: November 27, 2014 (I know lads don’t celebrate Thanksgiving but come on, now!)
Subject: Urgent mail needed from you

Hello <OXY> we have not heard from you hope all is well, we do want to know if you have made the payment of 3,000zl sent try and get back to us with the money gram scan copy of the payment slip, your mobile number is needed from you along with the pick up payment information to confirm the payment ok.

MONEY GRAM PAYMENT INFORMATION

Receiver's name: Amblesso Fortune
Country: Nigeria STATE: EDO STATE
Amount to send: 3,000 zl

As soon as you have send this payment , so i will kindly want
you to email me with the information and attach the scan copy of the payment slip that is list below:

Information needed after making payment ok.

RF: Number:
Senders Name:
Your own mobile number:

<OXY> we will be waiting for payment information back from you this time ok.

November 27, 2014

dear proffessor harry

thanx agin 4 that informashin. i kep forgeting that money gramme and westen union R the same thing. (altho if they R the same thing Y do they have diferent names???)

anyways my boy frend (YAY!!!) friderich is taking me out on an other date this week end so wen we go into town i will B sure 2 go 2 the money gramme store and take care of ur paymnet. and dont worry ----- i no 2 send the paymnet informashin only 2 U. i all reddy told U that i wasn't going to emale that nasty nigirian scamer mister gomer agin.

anyways as soon as i do it i will let U no so U can get my dads lone sent out.

lotsa love

Even though it has only been a couple of weeks since the fallout from the Gomer chop, I mentioned Gomer again because I just wanted to keep his presence fresh in the lads’ minds for what I have planned next.

Date: November 28, 2014
Subject: Payment information is needed.

Hello we got your mail, i stand on behalf of the company assure you that as soon as the payment information is giving by you before 2 to 3 hours your dad loan will sent ok.. We will be waiting for your mail soonest.

I received two copies of this email.

Date: December 1, 2014
Subject: money gramme paymnet

dear professor harry

ok --------- just lik i prommissed U, i went 2 the money gramme store this week end when my boy frend friderich took me out on an other date. but wen i got there i found out there was a kind of problem wen i tried 2 mak the paymnet.

anyways just lik U told me, I went 2 the money gramme store and gave them the paymnet informashin that U told me 2 giv them. every thing was going grate but then they looked at my accuont and saw that my accuont had a redflag on it.

anyways when i looked at the folder abuot me i dint see any redflag but they told me that sins i had all reddy sent a paymnet 2 mister gomer (and they new he was a nigirian scamer) that money gramme had been monitoring my accuont for any kind of oszustwo. (trans: fraud)

anyways sins my accuont had a redflag on it (even tho i dint see it) they told me that they had to invest a gate in me. well proffessor harry ive never bin invested B4 and i hope i never am again ------- it was horrabel!!!

anyways the money gramme peeple called in som some speshul security person and he asked me a bunch of questions over and over and over. and then, just wen i thot things were over, the money gramme people called in a DIFFERNT security person and then HE asked me the same bunch of questions over and over and over. they made me proof who i was and they made me proof where i live and they made me proof where i go to skool and i was just rilly rilly fritened.

anyways and then wen i thot every thing was RILLY over they made me fill out some forms to proof who i was and why i was sending a paymnet an that i was uczciwy (trans: upstanding, or on the level) and that i wasn't a terrist or any thing lik that.

anyways after i did all of that they told me that they told me that i wasn't a terrist or a nigirian scamer (well duh!!! im from poland and im the dauter of a pig farmer!) but B4 i cood send any paymnet to any one else the recipent wood also need 2 fill out the same forms i did.

anyways do U want 2 no what the worse part is?!? all of this invest a gate took soooo long that it was 2 late for friderich and i 2 go out on our date!!! so now we won't be abel 2 go out on our date un till next week end!!!

anyways so im rilly not sure what we shood do next. the money gramme people told me that B4 money gramme will let me send a paymnet 2 any one the recipient has 2 fill out some forms and then return them 2 me so I can bring them 2 the money gramme store 2 let me mak a paymnet. so can U pleas let me no what I shood do? shood i send U the forms or do U no some other way i can get U ur paymnet?

lotsa love

This is what I’ve been building to for phase three of my master plan. Some good ol’ forms for Prof. Harry and the loan lads to fill out.

In retrospect, I think I really overwrote this email. The problem was that I had a lot of information I needed to convey so the email needed to be kind of text-heavy and, on top of that, Oxy’s writing style doesn’t exactly lend itself to brevity. Next time, I’d really like the email to be shorter (I even tried to minimize the personal/date stuff in there) but I really don’t see where I could have thinned things out while remaining in character. Well, live and learn, I suppose.

The one good thing I did at the end was not to force the forms down the lads’ throats. I told them about the problem, then gave them the option to fill out the forms or to come up with some alternate way. Even though we are trying to lead our lads down the primrose path, we still want to do so while giving them the illusion that they are in control.

Anyways – did it work?

Date: December 2, 2014
Subject: WE DONOT BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE.

Hello <OXY> we got your mail, <OXY> we do not trust you anymore the way you at right now look like you are not ready to get the loan funds also the company do not believe you anymore because two times you did not make any payment to us so we can believe you if you want the company to help you get your dad loan then ask any of your friends to help you make the payment true western union or money Gramm and also send your phone number so we can understand that you are ready to receive your dad loan ok.... We will be waiting for your urgent email.

Well, I received two copies of this email, and in a 20-point bold font no less, so that would be a great big, 20-point bold “No”. Since the lads just went back to their stock excuse (“you are not ready to get the loan funds“), it’s not a complete disaster yet. At this point, I don’t think the lads have twigged me as a baiter and are just really really lazy and unwilling to put forth any effort for their money beyond the absolute bare minimum.

Still, it might not hurt to do some damage control…

December 3, 2014

dear proffessor harry

U no, i dont belief U i rilly dont!!! weve had all of these problems when ever i try 2 send U ur paymnet with money gramme so i just dont under stand Y U keep aksing me 2 use this stupid method!!! if U want 2 blame any one for this paymnet taking soooooo long i think U need to blame ur self and not poor littel Oxy!!! i hope U realize that if this keps going on any further, i mite haf 2 increese the amuont of my dads lone 2 help pay 4 all of my time and money that I've had 2 spend!!!

anyways i just rilly dont no Y U keep in sisting that i send U ur payment by stupid money gramme. i meen i spoked with my uncle bilo and he sed that if U had just tole me 2 do a bank 2 bank trasnfer this could have been sorted out long ago so Y dont we do a bank trasnfer? so how abuot it proffessor? Y dont U just teach me how 2 do a bank trasnfer so we can get a round all of these delays that U haf caused and I can get ur payment sent 2 U and U can send my dads lone 2 me and then we can all have a happy chrismass?

lotsa love (even tho i still cant beleef you sed you didnt trust me!!!)

In retrospect, I really wish I had broken this email up into two or three exchanges since it was very dense and not structured all that well. My mentor made the great suggestion that I dangle more money in front of my lads by using all of the problems I had as a way to justify my needing more loan money. And, had I simply stopped there, that probably would have been fine. But then, for some reason, I decided to add on my lads’ lack of trust in me, my problems with MG, and then tried to entice my lads to give me the info to do a bank transfer. That’s just waaay too much info in one email (to say nothing of the mini-essay I sent a couple of days previously).

Can I claim that I was still in some sort of post-tryptophanic lethargic turkey state?

Well, it’s been a week and nothing from my lads, so it may be time to poke the beehive again…

Date: December 10, 2104
Subject: Where R U?!?

dear proffessor harry

where r U and what is going on?!? weve had lotsa prolbems trying 2 send paymnet thru money gramme so wen my uncle bilo told me abuot a bank trasnfer i thot that was a grate idea.

anyways i dont no if U liked the idea but it sounds like it wood be a grate way for me 2 pay U and 4 U 2 get my dads lone sent 2 him. (uncle bilo told me not 2 tell any one but with chrismass coming up soon we cood rilly use the money so uncle bilo told me 2 work my tylek (trans: ass) off 2 get that lone sent over)

anyways if U dont like the bank trasnfer idee thats ok but U need 2 let me no how els i can get ur paymnet sent 2 u.

lotsa love (and i hop to speak 2 U soon!!!)

Even though I hated to do it, I thought it would be safest to backpedal a bit here. I dropped a hint that my need for the money got a bit more urgent, mentioned the bank transfer again, but left the payment method in the lad’s court.

Date: December 11, 2014
Subject: Urgent mail needed from you.

Hello <OXY> we got your mail, We do want to inform you that the 3,000 zl can not be receive by bank transfer because the amount can not reflect in our bank account here so the only way that you can send the fee right now is only the western union the best transfer can we can confirm the payment on time so <OXY> we also want you to explain this to your uncle bilo that the only way we can receive the payment of 3,000zl is only true western union..... get back to us urgent so we can know what do do if to email you the western union details to make the payment ok.

Thanks.

I received two copies of this email. They can’t accept a bank transfer because the amount can’t reflect in their account and WU is the only way to send payment (even though we’ve already established that there’s no WU in my town)? Oh, hell no. At this point, even though I’d like another piggy, I would accept a reasonable (or even semi-reasonable) excuse but this ain’t it.

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 12:01 am

December 12, 2014

dear professor harry

i dont get it i rilly dont. R U tyring to tell me that a big bank like U cant receev bank trasnfers? i meen even i have a bank accuont so if U dont have a bank accuont i think there rilly mite be a problem here and I'm not sure if we should do any mor buisnes,

anyways if U cood explane to me Y U cant reflect a bank accuont that would rilly rilly make me mor comfortable to kep deeling with U.

lotsa love

I thought my threat to call off my loan might encourage my lads to get off their lazy derrieres (or at least to come up with a decent excuse) but when I didn’t hear anything from them for over a week, it was damage control time again…

December 21, 2014

deer proffessor harry,

what is rong?!? i am all reddy 2 send U my bank trasnfer paymnet 2 U and U havent told me how 2 do it. is every thing ok with ur bank accuont now so we can do a bank trasnfer?

anyways if that won't work pls explane 2 me how els i can send U ur money. chrismass is coming soon and i cood rilly use the money b4 then. (i need 2 by my boy frend friderich a rilly rilly nice pressent)

lotsa love

This email is pretty much Baiter 101 on how to resurrect a bait. To “tl; dr” my own email – I really need the money and I’m ready to pay you now so let’s get this deal done with.

Not a thing from the lads over the holidays. It’s been about four weeks since I last heard from them so I’m really thinking I may have played a bit too hard and lost them. Still, the Christmas season is a time to celebrate birth and rebirth so let’s try to bring this bait back to the land of the living…

Date: January 7, 2015
Subject: reddy 2 send lone paymnet!!!

deer proffessor harry,

what is going on?!? i hav emaled U over and over and over and over and havent herd a thing and im starting 2 think that some thing is rong and U dont want 2 deel with me. (altho i don't no Y U woodnt wan to deel with a cute littel girl like me LOL!!!)

anyways my dads having sum pritty bad prolbems rite now and my uncle bilo told me that we rilly need 2 get the money as soon as we can.

anyway i am all reddy 2 send U my paymnet fees so pleas let me no what i need 2 do.

lotsa love

Since my lads had no qualms about sending me multiple emails whenever I didn’t answer immediately, I thought I’d try the same for them…

Date: January 8, 2015
Fwd: reddy 2 send lone paymnet!!!

deer proffessor harry,

what is going on?!? i hav emaled U over and over and over and over and havent herd a thing and im starting 2 think that some thing is rong and U dont want 2 deel with me. (altho i don't no Y U woodnt wan to deel with a cute littel girl like me LOL!!!)

anyways my dads having sum pritty bad prolbems rite now and my uncle bilo told me that we rilly need 2 get the money as soon as we can.

anyway i am all reddy 2 send U my paymnet fees so pleas let me no what i need 2 do.

lotsa love

I don’t know why it took me so long but then it hit me – why not email my good friend Ibrahim Lamorde at the EFCC?

Date: January 12, 2015
Subject: PLEAS PLEAS PLEAS ------- need help with proffessor harry
To: EFCC

dear mister lamorde,

even tho i no its not ur job, I rilly rilly RILLY need ur help with a big prolblem im having.

anyways ive bin trying to emale proffessor harry and 4 sum reason im not gitting emales from him. im starting 2 git rilly woried becuz havent herd a thing and im starting 2 think that some thing is rong and he dont want 2 deel with me any more. (altho i don't no Y he woodnt wan to deel with a cute littel girl like me LOL!!!)

anyways altho i hate 2 say it my dads having sum pritty bad prolbems rite now and and may need an operashin and my uncle bilo told me that we rilly rilly need 2 get our money as soon as we can and so even tho i no we've had some prolblems before i am all reddy 2 send my paymnet fees 2 professor harry.

anyways is there any way U cood talk to mister harry and tell him that im rilly sorry abuot all of our prolblems and ask him 2 emale me nd tell him that i still think of him as my frend?

thanx sooo much, mister lamorde!

Date: January 16, 2015
Subject: EFCC,
From: EFCC

ATTN: <OXY> your cell phone number is needed also with your
uncle bilo cell phone number so we can work on it and fine out what is
really going on ok.

Await your mail soon.

Success! If my reading of the lads is correct, the guy playing Lamorde is one of the muckety-mucks of the gang. (Or, even if he isn’t the muckety-muck, he’s at least a muck and the other lads have to hop to it when he tells them he’s got a maga on board…)

And, yeah, sure – I’ll get right on your request to send you my phone number. It’s not like you’ve been aksing for that for, what, nine months or so now, is it?

And, then, about 20 minutes later…[/i]

Date: January 16, 2015
Subject: Urgent mail

Hello <OXY> thanks for your mail, for your information everything is fine the only way you can make the payment sent is true western union and i want you to know that everything has already been in other is for you to try and see how you can make this very payment for your dad loan do try and get back to us so we can know what next step to take to you can finally complete your dad loan funds from our company .... Also we have offer loans to so many people we have nothing to west time for your urgent mail is needed urgent now ok.

January 19, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

omigawd omigawd omigawd!!! it is sooooooo grate to heer from U!!! its bin soooo long sins U emaled me and i was lik rilly woried that U dint like me any more and that U dint want 2 give me my dads lone any mor.

anyways so whats up my frend and teecher and proffessor?!? how are U and ur kids??? i hope every one is grate!!!

anyways i think i mite hav sum bad news 4 U. i dont no if i told U this by my dad is rilly rilly sik rite now and it looks lik he's goin 2 need an operashin soon. i dont rilly under stand all of whats going on but i think hes got a tętniak (sorry i dont no the english word) (trans: aneurysm) and if we dont get him to a doctor soon some thing bad mite happen.

anyways my uncle bilo told me 2 get the lone done as soon as we can and uncle bilo he told me to take care of any prolblems that mite come up and 2 get ur paymnet fees sent 2 U rite a way!!!

anyways uncle bilo also sed that were prolly going 2 need mor money in the lone so if ineed 2 put mor money in the lone how wood we do that?!?

lotsa love

Okay. Now I know the lads are close to getting fed up with me. After all, they have offer loans to so many people and have nothing to west time.

Although, since I really do think I’m coming close to my lads’ limits and the end may be near, I’m going to back off on the whole loan payment/security forms modality for a bit and let things calm down. And what better way to calm things down than by asking for more money and to start sowing the seeds for a tragedy?

Anyway, 2 1/2 months to go for the sand timer. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 12:54 pm

Thanks TheLoneHaranguer (or should that be "TheLoanHaranguer"? Wink

I have really enjoyed reading through this bait. I am especially impressed by the development of your characters, from the zombie pigs of Harry (which seemed to be to more to amuse yourself) to the wonderful <OXY> who seems to exist only to take great delight in causing frustration to the lads!

It's also nice to see some good old fashioned ASCII art involved in a bait... there should be more of it! Maybe <OXY> could get a cute new widdle kotka (kitten/cat) for her email siggy? Wink

Code:

. .
\`-"'"-'/
} 6 6 { Meow!
=. Y ,=
(""-'***`-"")
`-/ \-'
( )-( )==='
"" ""

I also loved the earlier Mr G dolla chop... and can't wait to see what you have planned next! Smile

Code:

.'/,-Y" "~-.
l.Y ^.
/\ _\_ "Mmmm, dolla chop from Mr H0mer...
i ___/" "\ I mean Mr G0mer! Doh!"
| /" "\ o !
l ] o !__./
\ _ _ \.___./ "~\
X \/ \ ___./
( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-.
` Z,-- / \
\__. ( / ______)
\ l /-----~~" /
Y \ /
| "x______.^
| \
j Y

Keep up the good work! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:17 pm

Thanks, Ted!

Yeah -- you pretty much called it right. Harry and the zompigs were for my amusement, while sweet little Oxy is just out to cause lad pain.

I've been trying to decide if I should make Oxy a primary character but I'm thinking she might be a little too hard to take right out of the gate. I have no idea if The Simpsons are shown in Poland but I'm gonna swipe the ASCII kotka for future use...

Anyways, please keep your fingers crossed for my sand timer!

Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:30 am

Hi TLH,

I've been away from baiting for a while but just read through your bait and have realised how much I miss it.

Your straight-baiting style is excellent, especially to keep the lads going for this long without sending them a single thing (I usually end up sending a fake WU receipt at least)

I'm now going to dust off my baiting email addys and get started again

Very Happy

Look forward to more from your Polish pig farmers

Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 6:38 am

Thank you, Grey, and welcome back!

As a matter of full disclosure, I did send the lad a fake MG form quite early in the bait. What can I say? I was still a noob and I panicked a bit. But, since then -- harry, he send mister piere no thing... Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2015 3:34 pm

Date: January 24, 2015

Hello thanks for your mail,

For your information you have to look for a way to make this very 3,000 zl true western union so we can know what to do about what you are asking for...Also you should know that it has been long we are waiting for this payment so get it done so we can complete the loan that is why you where told that the bank can not receive the amount because is small for the company assess it ok.

I received two copies of this email. Nothing new here but the lad did give me a (somewhat) reasonable reason for not giving me a bank account. I’m not planning on making a payment for a while, so I can let him slide. (Well, for now…)

Date: January 26, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

ohh-kaaaay i think i under stand. i no that 3.000 zlotys prolly isnt a lot of money when U look at all of the big lones that a big impotent banker lik U is given a way. if U cant complet the lone becuz the bank cant recieve the amount becuz is small for the company assess it ok thats fine -------- i cn just find an other way 2 pay U LOL!!!

anyways it rilly looks lik i think were goin 2 need sum more money in the lone. did i told U that my dad is rilly sik rite now and hes got a tętniak? (trans: aneurysm) well over the week end things got rilly rilly bad with him. my dad he was just laying there in bed watching the telewizja (trans: television) and then all of a sudden bludd starting coming out of his eers and noze. (it was rilly rilly gross but (if U dont git mad at me 4 saying this) it was aslo kinda kewl LOL!!!)

anyways we of corse went into town and got doctor zabićśmiesz (trans: killdare) to come and look my dad and dotcor zabićśmiesz he sed that my dad needs a big operashin rite a way.

anyways sins we rilly dont have the money for that kind of operashin uncle bilo he told me 2 spek 2 U and 2 see if U cood give us the money we need 4 my dads operashin. so how abuot it proffessor harry ------ can U lone us the money 4 my dads tętniak operashin? pleas pleas pleas help us, proffessor harry ----- U R our only hope!!!

lotsa love

I think I must be on some sort of movie kick right now, because when I thought of Harry sitting in bed with blood coming out of his ears and nose, I was thinking of the scene in The Fifth Element when Mr. Zorg crossed the Ultimate Evil and got smacked down. Then, I ended my email with a paraphrase of one of my favorite Star Wars lines. Stick around – there’s plenty more movie references to come!

Date: January 29, 2015
Subject: Asap

Hello <OXY> we got your mail and it was also understand very well ,

We do want you to know that the company is ready to offer your dad the loan amount trust me you will not regret anything all you have to do now is for you to fine a way how you can send down the 3,000 zl true western union that is the best and faster way for the loan funds to complete ok we will be waiting for your urgent mail so i can forward you the western union details on how to send the 3,000 zl fee ok.

I received two copies of this email. Blah, blah, blah.

Date: February 2, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

sooooooo -------- let me see if i under stand all this ----- do U wan 2 give me the extra money lone 4 my dads operashin or dont U?!? uncle bilo he told me that my dad hes not doing all that wel so were rilly goin 2 have 2 get my dads operashin rilly soon or ........ (U no!!!) Surprised

( so can U pleas let me no if U can lone us some mor money?

anyways if U cant thats kinda ok i gess........ i meen we wil haf 2 look some where els 4 some money 4 my dads operashin and well prolly need 2 go 2 some other inter net bank loner but some times what can U do? i meen id rilly rather work with U but if U cant lone us any more money i under stand i gess.........

anyways pleas let me no if U can give us some mor money or not so i can go 2 doctor zabićśmiesz and tel him that he can operashin my dad. even tho hes kind of a głupek (idiomatic: doofus) (i meen my dad not doctor zabićśmiesz LOL!!!) i rilly miss him and want him 2 come bak home soon. Surprised

(

lotsa love Surprised

)

Since laddy wasn’t clear if he was going to pay for Harry’s operation, I thought I’d hold his feet to the fire and threaten to go to another internet banker.

Date: February 2, 2015

Hello Thanks for your mail,

We do want you to know that everything is going to be alright with your dad, we have told you and your uncle uncle bilo that this company is ready to offer you the loan funds all you have to do is try and get the 3,000 zl and we promise you that we will give you the loan so doctor zabićśmiesz can perashin...... all i want you to know is that if you have the 3,000 zl so we can complete the loan transfer at once ok.

I received two copies of this email, in a bold 18-point font. Usually this signifies that laddy is getting anxious but he actually seems almost … pleasant … in this one. My theory is that this is yet another member of the gang who (for whatever reason) always uses the big bold font.

Date: February 4, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

thanks 4 letting me no that U think every thing is going 2 be alrite with my dad. i rilly rilly hope so........ Surprised

(

anyways next time i see my dad in the hoszpital i wil B shore 2 tell him that U wer aksing abuot him.

anyways so how much extra lones do U think U will be abel to give us? i no that U care abuot me and my dad so both my and my uncle bilo no that U will give us what we need but doctor zabićśmiesz he sed that he woodent be abel 2 operashin my dad un till he new that we wood be abel 2 pay him.

anyways just becuz doctor zabićśmiesz he sed he needs 2 no how much we can pay him can U pleas pleas tell me how much extra U can give us so i can tell doctor zabićśmiesz how much that is so doctor zabićśmiesz he can operashin my dad? ones i can proof to doctor zabićśmiesz how much we can pay i wil be abel 2 send U ur paymnet.

lotsa love

Date: February 5, 2015
Subject: Hello urgent mail is needed now.

Hello <OXY> thanks for your mail, on behalf on the company the loan firm is going to offer your dad with the loan sum of 1,000,000 zl ok. so i want you to know that you are the one wasting time right away all the company want from you is for you to try and get the full complete 3,000zl so the transferring bank can`at once`deposit the loan funds ok. Thanks await your mail .

This … is awesome. I received two copies of this email, and the lads have completely given up trying to be even remotely realistic and are now telling me what I want to hear just to get me to send them their payment. My mother used to try that same trick on me and, if it didn’t work then, it sure as hell ain’t gonna work now.

On a side note, this also proves what complete and total nimrods my lads really are. My first loan of (what was it? 40,000 zl? 60,000 zl?) had loan fees of 3000 zl (which, as of today, is worth about 800 USD) and now a loan of 1MM zl has the same fees. These guys are just incapable of thinking on a larger scale.

Date: February 6, 2012

deer proffessor harry,

thanks sooooo much 4 that ------ i cant wate 2 tell every one that were going 2 B milionares soon!!! im shore my dad wood luv 2 no 2 but hes rilly not doing all that wel. wen i went 2 see him in the hoszpital last nite my dad he spoked 2 me and even called me <OXY> (wich is my name LOL!!!) but then we reelized that he thot he was talking to his pig.

anyways we told him that <OXY> (the pig not me LOL!!!) was doing wel but rilly she's sort of not good. (pleas pleas dont tell him but we kinda needed the food so we sent <OXY> (the pig not me LOL!!!) to the rzeźnia.) (trans: slaughterhouse) i meen, we all no my dad he luvved that stupid pig but bacon it taste gooood. pork chop they taste gooood. sassages they taste gooood.

anyways wen i went 2 the hoszpital i told doctor zabićśmiesz abuot ur promiss 2 give us 1.000.000 zlotys and doctor zabićśmiesz he sed that was grate and all but that it wasnt good enuff. doctor zabićśmiesz he sed that any one cood have ritten that emale and even tho i told him U wer a big impotent intern national banker doctor zabićśmiesz he sed that stil wasnt good enuff.

anyways doctor zabićśmiesz he sed that he wanted to see a "Latter of Athorisation" from U and he woodent be abel 2 operashin my dad un till he saw one. i dont think i no wat that is but i had doctor zabićśmiesz repeet it twice and rite it down for me and thats what he wants 2 see.

anyways even tho i rilly hate 2 bother you (again!) can U pleas pleas pleas send me a Latter of Athorisation and as soon as U do and as soon as doctor zabićśmiesz he is happy i wil be abel 2 send U ur paymnet.

lotsa love

Again, I know it’s bad form to laugh at your own material, but only Oxy would refer to a dead pig as being “really sort of not good”. Then, in the space of one paragraph, I tied up the Oxy the pig sub-plot and also got to throw in a Pulp Fiction quote.

I hadn’t heard from the lads for a couple of days, so I assumed that my request for a letter of authorization threw them. Too bad, since I was really looking forward to the lads putting together an “official” document but I know these guys are (i) lazy and (ii) getting fed up. Proving that I can learn from my prior mistakes, I sent the following letter to not just my lad, but also to my friend Ibrahim Lamorde.

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2015 3:45 pm

Date: February 12, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

wut is goin on ok. i havent herd from U in a long long time and my dad hes not doing very wel rite now. my uncle bilo hes bin trying 2 con vins doctor zabićśmiesz 2 operashin my dad but he (doctor zabićśmiesz not my uncle bilo) sed that he rilly needed 2 see that "Latter of Athorisation" b 4 he cood operashin my dad. my uncle bilo he fited and argued and fited with doctor zabićśmiesz but he (doctor zabićśmiesz not my uncle bilo) sed that he woodnt do a dam thing un till we showd him the money, that dupek. (sorry!) (trans: asshole)

anyways, i just dont no wut 2 do. my uncle bilo hes rilly smart and he told me that we need 2 start thinking abuot what im going 2 do wen ........ U no! Sad

anyways sins U R my dads frend, im rilly hopping that U wil abel 2 help us con vins doctor zabićśmiesz 2 operashin my dad b 4 .............. U no! Sad

lotsa love

I know, I know. It’s not exactly subtle, but I think all of us (except for my loan lads) can see where I’m heading with this plotline. And, just for the heck of it, I threw in a Jerry Maguire reference.

Date: February 12, 2015
From: EFCC
Subject: Asap

Hello we ask you to send down your uncle belo cell phone number or
anyones number that we can contract with ok.

Blah, blah, blah. Yes, you want a cell phone number. Anyone’s number. Don’t hold your breath, Lamorde.

And, then, 4 minutes later…

Date: February 12, 2015
Subject: We wait your mail soonest

Get back to us so we can email you the details on how to make the payment of 3,000 zl and after the confirm of the zl the transferring bank will at once deposit your dad loan ok. Await your mail soonset.

And, then, 7 minutes later…

Date: February 12, 2015
Subject: Urgent asap

Hello we got your mail, yes the company is ready to help your dad i ask have you come up with the 3,000 zl so that the bank manager can confirm the transferring of your dad loans i want you to know that what is delaying the funds now is because you have not yet send down the 3,000 zl and also along with your cell phone number this time ok get back to us so we can give you the details on our to make the payment of the zl ok.

Wow. Check it out. Two *different* emails, instead of just a copy of the same email. Must be a different lad on the computer. Although I was hoping to get a letter of authorization from my lads, it was just a way to try to keep my lads busy for a while as a delaying tactic and wasn’t really essential to my long-term plans.

Date: February 16, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

ok ------ sins i no U R reddy 2 help my dad thats good enuff 4 me and if that isn't good enuff 4 doctor zabićśmiesz then he can go pierdol się (sorry LOL!!!) (Nope. I’m not gonna translate this one. Let’s just say it’s biologically improbable and possibly illegal.)

anyways i haf the 3.000 zlotys rite in front of me rite now and im all reddy 2 send them 2 U so the bank manger can confirm transfering my dads lones. hey do U wan 2 hear some thing funny?!? do U know how we say bankers in polska?!? we call them harangs so sins U R a lone banker in polska we wood call U a lone haranger. isn't that funny? LOL!!!

anyways pleas send me the detales on how to mak paymnet 2 U and so doctor zabićśmiesz he can operashin my dad.

lotsa love, my frend the lone haranger!!!

Yes, my ego has finally reached critical mass, with me referencing my baiter name in my baits. I do have some long-term plans for this, so it’s not *completely* a vanity thing…

Date: February 22, 2015

hello ksana b@lsach,

We got your email and the content was well noted to me okay, so i just want you to know that as soon as you make the 3,000 zl sent you will get your dad loans transfer into your local banking account okay , so it is a great guarantee okay so for this i need you to act fast and make the payment in other for the bank to make the transfer to you very urgently okay, so for this full of reason i await your fast payment so that the bank can make your loan transfer to you act fast okay so i await your payment now.

PAYMENT INFORMATION

Receivers,Name Amblesso Fortune
Receivers, country :Nigeria
Receivers,State:Edo State
Test Question:1+1
Test answer :2
Amount sending:3,000 zl

As soon as the payment is made through WESTERN UNION* , you are required provide us with the following information's:

Sender's Name:
Sender's Country:
Sender's State:
Sender's City:
Mtcn Number ( Money Transfer Control Number )
Amount Sent:

WESTERN UNION Reference Number( 10 Digit)Mtcn
Upon the received of this information's, we shall
immediately complete the
transfer of your Loan without further delays.

Hopefully awaiting your email. Thanks and God Bless..

I received two copies of this email in a bold, 18-point font and, yes, this nimrod actually spelled my name wrong. Brilliant.

Date: February 23, 2015

deer proffessor harry, my frend the lone haranger

ok thanx sooooo much 4 that!!! doctor zabićśmiesz he is goin 2 operashin my dad to morrow so as soon as thats all done ill to mak ur paymnet 2 U.

anyways im kinda woried abuot my dads operashin but doctor zabićśmiesz he sez theres nothin 4 me 2 wory abuot so pleas wish me and my dad sum luck and ill speek 2 U soon!!!

lotsa love!!!

Date: February 24, 2015

Okay...Once you are done with the payment kindly inform me and also wish you and you dad luck,God is with you people. Just try and make sure that you act fast about getting the payment made.

Note that asking for the payment comes first in the email, followed by good wishes for Harry, which is followed by another request for payment. These people are scum.

Date: February 27, 2015
Subject: Notice of <HARRY> (Zawiadomienie o <HARRY>)

Deer Friends & Family,

We’re sorry to let you know <HARRY>, a farmer who work hard and also love his dauter <OXY>, he die from medical prolblems not so long ago. Harry he leave behind him manny friends, family and pigs all missing him.

Burying to be at Shrine of Queen of Protection. We like for you to come with us and say good bye to Harry. Please not to send flowrs, in stead give money for collage fund <OXY>.

A member of Harry family will conteact you with more ifrormation.

Sincerely,
Bilo Balsach (Harry's brother)

Yep. We knew it was coming. Harry has passed on. He is is no more. He has ceased to be. He’s expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He’s pushing up the daisies. His metabolic processes are now history. He's off the twig. He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible. HE IS AN EX-HARRY!!!

Just like with the last communiqué from Bilo, I wrote a grammatically correct email in English, translated it to Polish, Oxy-dized the original, and included both versions in my email. At this point, note that I’ve written out all other members of Harry’s family. For now, it’s just going to be Oxy and Bilo.

Then, after a suitable period of mourning…

Date: March 6, 2015
Subject: hi from oxy

deer proffessor harry,

well i gess U herd abuot ........... U no ......... Sad

anyways i rilly miss my dad even tho he was kinda of a big dope but the hous just isnt the same with out him ....... Sad

anyways i hope that U still wan 2 do the lone with just me sins work ing on the lone with U was lik the first real adult thing my dad he asked me 2 do and i think that if I can get the lone finnshed now may be my dad hell look down from niebo (trans: heaven) and he mite think that i mite not be that dum..... Sad

anyways so what do U think my frend the lone haranger? do U think that ill stil B abel to get my dads lone 4 him?

lotsa love

Date: March 11, 2015
Subject: Asap

Hello we receive your mail, We the company want you to know that you can be able to get the loan from us anytime i want you to get back to us so we can give you the details that you will use for the loan transfer ok.

FFS, Harry just died and I didn't even get a word of condolence from these guys? I’m not sure if calling these guys “scum” was correct. Some scientist somewhere may eventually find a use for scum.

Date: March 13, 2015

deer proffessor harry, the lone haranger

thanks soooooo much 4 geting bak 2 me. as u prolly can gess i can kinda use the money here after ........ U no ........ Sad

anyways sins uncle bilo and me R kinda bizzy trying 2 tak care of all my dads bizness here im prolly gonna giv my boy frend friderich the munny and ask him 2 mak the paymnet 4 me if thats ok with U.

anyways so if thats ok with U just go a hed and send me the detale 4 me 2 use 4 the lone trasnfer ok

lotsa love

There was no response for a couple of days so I sent my lad the same email on March 17, then again on March 18 (this time copying the EFCC).

Date: March 19, 2015

You are a fake do you think we are playing here ?? Stop sending us mails you are not ready

Ouch. This one sounds pretty final. The loan lads have told me plenty of times before that I’m not ready for the loan but have always given me an “If”. They’ve never before called me a fake so I’m thinking they may have (finally) reached the end of their rope and this may be the end of this bait. I’m going to do my damnedest to keep this one going but I really get the feeling that they’re going to stop responding to my emails.

Date: March 20, 2015

deer proffessor harry,

i thot U were my frend and U wer trying 2 help me and my dad so now that my dads ded i dont no Y U wood tell me im a fake and im playing. im trying to get my dads lone finished so i dont no Y U wood say im not reddy. if U dont beleef me Y dont U go a hed and give me ur payment informashin detales and ill show U i can do it???

anyways sins i rilly want 2 get this lone finnished if U dont want 2 giv me the lone thats ok i gess ill just haf 2 go some were els 4 the lone. maybe mister pascale or papa gomer wil want 2 giv me a lone.

lotsa love (even if U R mad at me)

Looks like it’s “back to basics” time. Show complete dedication to the scam, dangle money, and threaten to go to another scammer. I sent the same email on March 24 to both my lad and the EFCC but my hopes are not high.

So, unless things take a turn for the better in the next week or so, I’m going to call code blue on this bait. My first email from them was received on April 3, 2014 and my last email arrived on March 19, 2015 for a grand total of fifty weeks of bait time. (Less a couple of weeks where we lost contact over the holidays.)

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 3:09 pm

Okay – I admit it. I panicked and called code blue a bit too early. I’m not sure if this bait is quite healthy just yet but at least it’s off of life support. Anyway, since I hadn’t received a response from the lads for a couple of days, on March 24, I sent a copy of the March 20 email to both Harry and the EFCC.

Date: March 24, 2015
Subject: Below the bank information ok.
From: EFCC

Ok go and send the 3,000 Zl today with this bank account giving to you and and also i want you to get back to us with the deposit slip in which you will use in making the payment them i will know that you are really ready to complete your dads loans ok i want you to proved to me tyhat you are ready

Below the bank information ok.

Account name:..............Tonbor Pereware Paul
Bank Name:.................UBA
ACOUNT NUMBER :..........[REDACTED]
Amount Sending:........ 3,000zl

Await your urgent mail ok.

Yes, after close to one year of playing with these guys, I finally got one of them to give up a bank account. But not really. All they gave me was the name of a bank that has branches all throughout Africa and an account number. Although there is an (exceedingly) slim chance that we might be able to have the account nuked, it’s certainly not enough to allow anyone to actually perform a bank transfer.

In order to do a bank transfer (and to give us a better chance to have the account nuked), I would need a routing number or a SWIFT code or, better yet, a branch name and address for the bank. No problem.

Date: March 26, 2015

thanx soooo much mister lamord (and proffessor harry, 2!!!)

ill try 2 go 2 my bank over the nxet day or so and if i cant do it then ill ask my boy frend friderich 2 do it 4 me!!!

anyways just as soon as i get my dads lone im gonna have a big party and i hope he will be look down from niebo and he will see that i did some thing rite.

lotsa love

Date: March 26, 2015
From: EFCC

Hello thanks for your mail, We do want to inform you that we will be waiting for the deposit slip in which you are going to us in making the payment of 3,000zl send and also you are advise to get back to us as urgent for your dad loan transfer to you ok.

BTW, have you noticed that I am no longer dealing with Harry the banker and am now dealing directly with the Chairman of the EFCC? For a bank loan. The man who is in charge of investigating economic and financial crimes for all of Nigeria (thus making him busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest) is helping me with my loan. These lads continue to amaze me.

Date: March 27, 2015

deer mister lamord (and U 2, proffessor harry!!!)

well as i prommised U, i went 2 my bank 2 day 2 do the trasnfer. how ever wen i got 2 my bank the lady at the bank she told me that i dint have enuff informashin 2 do a bank trasnfer. the lady at the bank she told me lotsa stuff that i dint under stand and so i aksed her 2 rite it down 4 me so i cood tell U.

anyways heres what she said ---- sins ur UBA bank is in lotsa of Africa countries, we need to no what country ur account is in to do a trasnfer. if U cood give me a SWIFT/BIC code or a routing number (what ever THEY are!) that wood be grate but the lady at the bank she sed a branch name and address wood be even better.

anyways if U cood help give me that informashin i will go rite bak to the bank and do ur bank trasnfer 4 U.

thanx sooo much and lotsa love!!!

Date: March 28, 2015

We do not believe you anymore ok Good bye

Wow – did this one really piss me off. My lads did not believe me when I told them that I did not have enough information to make a bank-to-bank transfer? We’ve been though zompigs, chainsaws, shotguns, porcine-induced concussions, brain aneurysms, Gomer chops, and GodBear knows what else and my telling them the truth for maybe the second time in a year is what pushes them over the edge?!? I must not live right…

Date: March 29, 2015

deer mister lamord and proffessor harry............

Y wood U say that?!? my dad just dyed not too long a go and im rilly trying my best here!!! i just dont no what U want me 2 do any more!!! i went 2 the bank just lik i told U and told the lady working there that i wanted 2 do a bank trasnfer and i gave her the accuont name and the bank name and the accuont number U gav me and the lady at the bank she told me that there wasnt enuff informashin 2 do a bank trasnfer and then the lady at the bank she told me that we cood prolly do the trasnfer if i had a SWIFT/BIC code or a routing number.

anyways sins U say U dont beleef me any mor Y dont U give me ur SWIFT/BIC code or a routing number and ill PROOF 2 U that I can do this trasnfer and finnish my dads lone.

anyways if U dont want to give me my dads lone any mor thats ok 2 i gess. papa gomer he stil emales me evry ones in a wile so maybe ill just see if he wants 2 give me a lone lik U did.

i stil love U and U R still my frend!

Yeah, I know. I’m starting to reach here. Not only am I playing the “My dad is dead” card but I’m actually stooping to using reverse psychology by trying to taunt them into giving me their account info.

Unsurprisingly, there was no response, so I sent the same letter on March 30.

Date: March 31, 2015
Subject: Await the payment slip from you soon.........
From: EFCC

Hello <OXY> we got your mail, We do want you to know that the loan funds your dad applied in our company is still right in the place to transfer, We don't mean to say such word but we don't want someone that will run with the company money if you can really proof to us making the payment of 3,000zl send to this very bank account and also as soon as you get the payment done you are advise to get back to us with the deposit slip in which you will use in making the payment for the transfer bank to confirm that the payment is been sent ok below the bank details for you to send the fee today and get back to us ok.

Account Name...Checking Account Dollar Bank,

Address : 3 Gateway Center, Pittsburg, PA. 15222

Country: U.S.A

Routing No: [REDACTED]

Account No: [REDACTED]

Swift No: [REDACTED]

Hope that we will receive the slip of the payment from you so the transfer bank can confirm the fee and at once post your dad loan ok.

Await your mail as soon you make the payment .

Mr lamord and proffessor harry.

Holy crap, that actually worked? And did "Ibrahim Lamorde" actually mis-spell his name? In any case, *this* is good! There’s all of the necessary account info to make a transfer (and, incidentally, nuke the account) so the info gets mailed off to a mod and I get my first piggy from these chuckleheads.

Even better, I received *three* copies of this email, so it looks like the lads are eager to do business again. Then even, um, better-er I got a “sort of” apology from the lads when they told me “We don't mean to say such word but we don't want someone that will run with the company money.”

I was all ready to reply to my lads thanking them for my trust in me and letting them know that I would NEVER run off with their money but, before I was able to even draft a response…

Date: April 1, 2015
Subejct: Don't send the payment to the first account use this very one ok.........
From: EFCC

Hello <OXY> dont send the fee to the first details i forward to you now you are to make payment to this very details and make sure that you didn't send fee to the first details so that problem will not came up in this.... This is the details you are to make payment to today and also i want you to get back to us with the deposit payment slip so i can confirm if truly you make payment i remember you said we should trust you am giving you my trust ok.

BANK DETAILS..................

Account Name.. [REDACTED]

Bank Name...tcf

Bank Address...32900 23 Mile Rd, Chesterfield, MI 48047

Country..U.S.A

Bank Telephone... [REDACTED]

Account No... [REDACTED]

Routing No... [REDACTED]

Swift Code... [REDACTED]

Amount sending: 3,000 ZL

I received four copies of this email, with some hilarious and increasingly panicked subject lines. As near as I can guess, the lad’s first mule account had been nuked, or was otherwise compromised, and he wanted to catch me before I left for the bank. A pity, because…

Date: April 2, 2015

deer mister lamord and proffessor harry

omigawwwd -------- thanx sooo much 4 ur emale and 4 leting me no that the dollar bank informashin was rong!!! i just got bank from the bank and aksed that kurwa dzika who works there 2 help me with an other bank trasnfer and i gave her all of the dollar bank informashin u sent me and then she telled me that the recipents bank had rejected the trasnfer. i pulled out all of the dollar bank chek accuont informashin U gav me and telled her that i got her all of that SWIFT/BIC code and route number stuf i didnt hav last time and then i told her that the trasnfer HAD 2 go thru this time and she STILL sed that the recipents bank rejected the trasnfer.

anyways i got sooooo mad at her i started yaling and scraming at her and told her she was a fat and ugly suczka and then becuase she was so fat and ugly i asked her if she new weronika sobczak and then she dint no what i was talking abuot and then she then had to call the bank mannager over and then they made me leev the bank and it rilly wasnt lotsa fun.

anyways wen i got bak i saw ur emale and it made me feel LOTS better to no that i dint mess things up agin. i dont no if I'm aloud 2 go bak 2 the bank but now that i hav the rite tcf bank informashin ill go and apollajize and i hope every one at the bank theyll under stand that it rilly wasnt my fault sins U gave me the wrong informashin.

anyways my uncle bilo and me we haf 2 meet with some atorney 2morrow and go over som of my dads paper work so after we do that ill try 2 go bak 2 the bank and tak care of ur bank trasnfer.

lotsa love!

As bizarre as this email reads, it actually accomplishes many purposes. First off, it shows that Oxy is so eager to get her loan that she ran right to the bank to send the lads their payment after their earlier email. Next, it proves that she is trying so hard to get the loan that she actually caused a scene at the bank when there was a problem with the transfer. I’ve also left the door open for Oxy to get banned at her bank, which can introduce more delays until this account gets nuked and, finally, I’ve begun sowing the seeds to introduce a new character.

Date: April 5, 2015

deer mister lamord and proffessor harry

i am lik sooooooooo sorry but wen my uncle bilo and me we had 2 meet with that atorney i told U abuot there wer alot mor things 4 us 2 spek abuot than i first thot and anyways the hole thing took a LOT longer than i ex pected and anyways by the time we finnished with the atorney i ran rite 2 the bank but they wer all reddy closed.

anyways I'm going 2 go 2 the bank just as soon as i can next week and get ur paymnet sent 2 ur tcf bank informashin.

lotsa love!

Date: April 7, 2015

Once again here is the details you are to use in making the payment sent ok

Although I’m not going to include it again, the lad attached all of the most recent bank details. Then, two minutes later…

Date: April 7, 2015

PAYMENT DETAILS ....................AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT DONE DO GET BACK TO US WITH THE DEPOSIT SLIP OK.

And the lad once again attached all of the most recent bank details.

Aaaand, by my calendar, we’ve just passed the one-year mark with these lads, so I’m going to award myself a sandtimer*. The asterisk is for a few weeks where I lost them when they changed email addresses on me and their communiqué ended up in my spam box. There’s plenty more fun to come, so stick around!

Posted: Sat May 30, 2015 3:55 pm

I haven't published the bait for a while because it took quite a turn for the boring (all the lad did was keep asking for money over and over) but it looks like I got my "break-up" notice today:

Quote:

You are not ready because you are a fucking dude OK so stop sending us
an email or we get you sun.

Since I don't quite understand why being a dude means I'm not ready to receive a loan, and since I'm not terribly worried about getting sun by a couple of loan lads, I'm going to see if I can resurrect this bait but my hopes are not high.

Still, it's been a fun almost 14 months...

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