Another New "Goofy Crap your Pets Wrote" Thread

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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2016 9:47 am

Yahweh pushes pot?

Quote:

hello friend, how was your day today, hope all is well with you today,
i wish you love today, and may the grass of almighty God bee with you
and your family yours friend Hon, Godwin, in God we trust.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Yastreb wrote:

God bee with you... in God we trust.

I always put my trust in Aunt Bee, not God Bee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prcALlp0o64

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 8:13 pm

Take it from a Jonkey, this is no JOCK:

Quote:

MY DEAR I'M THE DIRECTOR OF WESTERN UNION THIS IS NOT JOCK UNLESS I
WILL SIGN YOU OUT OF THIS CONSIGNMENT BOX NOW BECAUSE MUST OF YOU ARE
ALWAYS JOCK WHEN SOMETHING IS SERIOUS WE ARE NOT BEGGING YOU FOR TO
GET YOUR FUNDS SO IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED SO WE CAN NEVER GIVE YOU A
CHANCE TO JOIN THIS OPPORTUNITY AGAIN OK.

Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 10:50 am

Dying Widow wrote:

Now two of my ears has to be checked regularly

How many ears does she have?

Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 8:32 pm

Quote:

Please he back to me now.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

Maybe not goofy, but funny!

This is my newest lad. His scripts are very long and almost indecipherable. I’ve been plugging away with the “one question a day". His reply this morning made me laugh out loud:

Quote:

DEAR SIR, BOB.
YOU ARE RIGHT, THE 8.450$ WILL BE USED FOR ACTUALISATION OF THE CREDIT SEAL, OF THE ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS IN YOUR NMAME, YOU WILL SIGN THE ORIGINAL HARD COPIES AND SEND BACK ME, FOR THE LEGALITY OF THE FUNDS TRANSFER, IN YOUR COUNTRY, IN CASE ANY AUTHORITY ASKING YOU FOR THE SOURCE OF FUNDS, THESE CREDIT SEAL IS AN ENFORCEMENT DEED OF ASSIGNMENT OVER THE DEPOSIT, AND YOU SHALL BE ENTITLED TO GOLD/PLATIUNM CREDIT CARD, AND ON LINE BANKING FACILITY THESE ARE THE SERVICE I WILL PROVIDE SIR.

THANK YOU FOR SUCH WONDERFUL QUESTION.

CHF A. KAFANDO.

Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2016 8:19 pm

Quote:

Thank you for making my week anxious.

As expected, barrister Samuel called me on my home phone and lambasted me, infact he was in an outrage and used unprintable words on me.

Well, i managed to calm him assuring to resolve it, I was able to extract his account details. What have i done bad to you to warrant this type of aches???

Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 10:24 am

Quote:

We anticipate your argent response.

Not a silver lad, or even a gold lad.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

Quote:

Pls note: I have repeated this email message in case you did not receive the precious one. Again, if all you have said in your last mail is anything to write home about, I should be expecting your payment slips by now.

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 1:35 pm

From my lad

Quote:

Sir,calm down if I get the money I will refund it back to you don't be worried.

Did 2016 take Bob Hope too!!!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Aug 2016 Posts: 52

My latest email was from a person claiming to be a Sergeant in the U.S. Army. Among the many other things he screwed up in his email, he must have seen too many war movies, because he thinks a Sergeant is at the top of the heap because he and "some other high ranking officers" made an oil deal in Iraq . He's also a magician, because he was able to fit $15.8 million in a briefcase.

I can't decide if I should ask him some questions about life in the Military, or what. I hate Military imposters, but can't ever get much out of them.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

From one of my favorite (current) lads - all of his emails are this garbled:

Quote:

Well, I trust you, is the most important thing, and i have gazetted your account in our data base for wire inputtion.

.

Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:44 pm

Quote:

This people will keep ripping you off until you exhaust your heard earned money but bear in mind that you will not receive any cent from them without my hand. I have already told you what to do for your money to be released but you keep deaf eye. Kindly comply with my instructions and i will tell you the requirement and your fund will be transferred without procrastination

Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:08 pm

are you death? why send rubbish photo.

Sorry lad, you get no fake ID

Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 1:35 pm

Ironic lad

Quote:

Please anything you can afford to help us save this children who are
dining of starvation?

Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:09 am

Quote:

We appreciate your urgent response as to kick the ball rolling immediately.

His balls will be kicked eventually.

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:07 am

The Agriculture section of a fake commodity site lists the following commodities:
Ambergris
Rapeseed Rice
Whalebone
Rye Rubber
Sheep silk.

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:28 am

The wonders of Lad maths:

Quote:

This amount is valued at Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand United States.Dollars (US$49.500,000.00).

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:04 pm

Meanwhile, the "Federal Reserve Bank New York" demonstrates some of the effects that working on weekends can have on the quality of written English:

Quote:

We want to use this medium time to inform you that the above interest has been approved for payment to you through International Certified ATM Card, Bank Draft or Wire Transfer based on your choice and be informed that we have concluded every legal arrangement pending your acknowledgement of this official notice while you provide to us with your reconfirm full information and current contact address together with your direct telephone number if different from what we have.

Meanwhile, be informed that we shall be delivering this International Certified ATM Card to you through FedEx Express Delivery to your house address for instant cash access. The IMF secretary general has directed that we work in collaborations with the FBI and have decided to waive away all clearance fees/Charges and authorize us to effect payments without prejudice to the approved beneficiary with immediate effect, do reconfirm as follows. But if you have already provided the information kindly ignored and it depends on your choice, To know your choice in method of payment kindly fill up the below information as listed.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

I got a long essay from a loan lad when my character backed out after being told she had to pay by Western Union. This is part of it:

Quote:

Even though you are not interested i am not worried but i just want you to know that the ability to trust somebody will get you back to your feet.

It is a common rumour in your country that People resident in Nigeria are bad but i want you to know that trusting me and doing business with me will not make you disappointed. This i assure you. What ever Your mind Told you is very Right as it is for your Own Good. But in this Case you will have to make a Choice from Bad and Good and . This is interesting but not impressive. Most failures in life are people who never realize how close they where to success when they gave up. This is an opportunity for you. And I will do every thing possible to make sure that you grab this opportunity. only the end can tell. Hope you are used to this phrase " the ends justify the means". No body is interested to know how you started, they will always want to know how you will end up. Surprising things are more appreciable than non surprising things,

I am going to put a surprise in your face as long as this transaction remains.

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:04 am

Sorry to verge on a necro here, but I had to ask if any of you wonderful creative types helped this lad write his letter? Marfan's Syndrome is a terrific touch!! Laughing

Quote:

Good Morning

Please permit me to pout out my agonies and sorrowful pains with you.I became aware of a financial acquisition that entitled me next of Kin by my father who for over three years hospitalized abroad for Marfan’s Syndrome.He sent me a surprised letter that he is now a Muslim since he find out from the doctor that he has a limited time to live .This has generated a lot of problem for me five months after the death of my mother ,my uncle sold my father's estate which i passed the information to my father in the hospital and he advice me to avoid any conflict but rather asked me to contact Mr. Naseer his friend in Italy to assist me process my acquisition and relocate me to Italy but unfortunately
the man died during the Italian August earthquake .I want to solicit for your guardianship in my entitled legacy US$6.9
Million, although you are a stranger but i believe that life with God will hear my prayer.

Regards
Miss P E

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 1:04 am

I only asked her what the current exchange rate was...

Quote:

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT AM SORRY FOR NOT GIVING A FEED BACK CONCERNING THAT BASTARD,SHE WAS TAKEN TO THE POLICE CUSTODY AND SHE STILL INSIST THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO ASKED HER TO RECEIVE THE MONEY ON YOUR BEHALF,BUT I REALLY THANK YOU BECAUSE YOUR EMAIL HELPED US A LOT,WE DIDN'T MAKE ANY MISTAKES,YOUR MONEY IS WELL SECURED NOW,AND SHE HAS BEEN HANDED TO TO THE THE CUSTODY OF THE SECURITY AND THE POLICE COMPANY,NOW WE DEMAND FOR A QUICK TRANSFER OF YOUR MONEY TO AVOID ANY OTHER INCONVENIENCE,AND I WILL LIKE TO HAVE YOUR CELL NUMBER LATER TOMORROW I WILL CALL YOU FOR YOU TO SPEAK WITH THAT WOMAN SO THAT EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOUR NOT THE ONE WHO AUTHORISED HER TO CARRYOUT SUCH FORBIDDEN ACT,I DEMAND FOR YOUR BANKING DETAILS FOR YOUR TRANSFER TO BE CARRIED OUT NOW,BECAUSE THE WOMAN NEED TO BE EXECUTED FOR SUCH ILLEGAL ACT,SEND YOUR BANKING DETAILS AND THE CHARGES BECAUSE OF B.V.N WHICH MEANS(BANK VERIFICATION NUMBER)WE WILL LINK THE B.V.N TO SHOW WHERE THE MONEY IS ORIGINATED AND TO AVOID THE MONEY TO BEEN STOPPED BY ANYONE,IF YOU HAVE THE B.V.N YOU WILL NOT PAY FOR ANY CHARGES FOR THE TRANSFER,THE TRANSFER WILL BE CARRIED OUT,BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE IS WE WILL CHARGES YOU THE SUM OF $200 AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION FIRST BANK WILL CARRY OUT THE TRANSFER,I WILL SEND YOUR EMAIL TO THE MANAGER,HIS NAME IS STEPHEN OLABISI,IF HE CONTACT YOU THEN YOU WILL KNOW HE IS THE ONE,ELECTRIC TRANSFER WILL BE MADE NOW.

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:11 am

^^^ well.. that escalated quickly!

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

Here's a twist on the "dying widow" I haven't heard before:

Quote:

As I have informed you in my previous email, due to the dementia affecting me, my doctor has placed me under restrictions, therefore they are taking away all form of electronic rays in a few days. I might never be able to communicate with you after this email because of this.

Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:21 am

Gruesome things have been happening:

Quote:

If you did not do any contract in the passed, then you will have to consider it that they may likely try to use your name to move the funds from any country but unfortunately the diplomat was a victim to Malaysia airline that got varnish

I assume he was polished off afterwards.

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