Another New "Goofy Crap your Pets Wrote" Thread

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Subject header on a message received this evening:

Quote:

Awaiting your urgent respond sooner than expected thanks

Ummmm......no........correction!........ It'll be much later than you expected me ole mucker!

Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 8:52 pm

I didn't know Western Onion was that old.

Quote:

It is not wise for you to decline that you have never conducted any transaction through western union money transfer before because when someone miss road then he or her will know the road,It is a proverb.

I couldn't help myself. I had to answer:

Quote:

Dear Sir,
I tried to send the money to the account again today but the
payment still would not go through. Please supply a different account
to send the money to as you are wasting time.

Also, Buy a new Bible as I do not remember "It is not wise for you to
decline that you have never conducted any transaction through western
union money transfer before because when someone miss road then he or
her will know the road,It is a proverb." being in the book of
Proverbs.

Regards,
George

Posted: Wed May 14, 2014 2:14 am

I asked the good Barrister why he doesn't have a business bank account to send the money to.

I get Blah, Blah, Blah:

Quote:

Let me bring this to your kind notice that i was not the one who give you my contact, but you know too well that my contact was giving to you through your partner Mis Jecinta Diaku,that along should tell you my personality and the kind of a man i am in the socialite as a legal practitioner.and this is my 34yrs i have been into legal services and satisfying the needs of my clint,by giving them the best of my services which is needed,and even young practitioner do came to seek advise from my chamber to win their case.so i don't think that your own case will be difference issue,and the reason why i told you to send the fees though Western Union Money Transfer to enable me settle federal high court of Dakar Sènègal get these documents done with your name,

It's not matter of trust or not, i earlier told you my account is family account any transaction going on my wife will know which i don't want...here is french country not like yours,so follow my instruction to enable me facilitate all the process of obtain does valuable documents from the federal high court of Sènègal,because i have other important issue like yours to attend to,that’s make me a principle man and to reader all my services with time, As you can help me to understand that (time is money)said by a wise man, that is why every successful man is a time keeper and principle men and wise men respect time. So lets go ahead to move with time, update me immediately you make the payment, and do not wast my time do you understand me? the fees as i directed to enable me carry on giving you the best of my services, so that i can start the preparing of the legal document,

NOTE i can't do anything without receiving this fees, I will be very glad to work for you with good faith, as i am the only legal adverse who happily represents you here in West Africa. However it will be of a great honor for me ,to endeavour my signatory evidence in your attested Power of an Attorney,due to the fact that i remain your sincere advocate ,because i stands to tender my legitimate legal authority by probating a legal authority in accordance on your behalf from the high court of Sènègal.
Thank you…

Posted: Thu May 15, 2014 2:33 am

From a product lad:

Quote:

How are you dong today ?

Posted: Fri May 16, 2014 12:15 am

^ That's a rather personal question...

Meanwhile, from Benin, an invitation to come down and sign papers, but if you can't...

Quote:

he/she required to pay sum of $109 for the None-Residence Minister Imprinter who will stand/sign on his/her behalf.

Anyone care to guess what a None-Residence Minister Imprinter is?

Posted: Fri May 16, 2014 3:49 am

OMG I love this thread! Cool

Quote:

Not to mention I would love to say "Honey I'm home" and then lift you up in my arms and kiss your precious lips. ....That makes me wanna ask more questions..Have you ever gone scuba diving? I love it, but I have never gone in the ocean, even though I am certified to do so

My lips remind you of face masks and air tanks? You scuba dive in... pools?

Quote:

The woman I am looking for would love to grow old with me and share all of life's ups and downs, pleasures and pains..I would love jumping into her arms any time any where just to say "I Love You".

Er... How much do you weigh? You're not doing that when I'm old. No siree.

Quote:

Good morning,
I hope you have slept and woken upright

Darn! Sleepwalking again...

Thank you for this area of Eater - I am grateful for the comedic refuge Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri May 16, 2014 6:56 am

A really awful English email, then signed....

Quote:

Yours Faithfully,
Brain Hurt

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

^^^ Wait a minute. I didn't write you. Or did I?

My skype cam ho says

[3:03:10 PM] nicole layman: I'm in the middle of competition right now for the top model of the year i'm needing vote in my link for me to win the top so i can be featured in playboy magazine!!can you do vote for me in my link and if you do that i will give you a strip tease on my cam or may be more if you do that!!
[3:04:54 PM] Derrick : I have no idea if I can see cam shows but if you will point me t the site where I vote I will do that.
[3:05:21 PM] nicole layman: Thanks honey
[3:05:28 PM] nicole layman: Just simply click this http:/ /www.********
put your email there and click GET ACCESS fill out all the info, choose 3 day trial for temporarily so you can get a chance to get a free trial just go on the FREE MEMBERS AREA and logged in
[3:05:47 PM] Derrick : Would you send a video to my email instead of the camera thing?
[3:06:33 PM] nicole layman: Yes after you vote me honey
[3:06:37 PM] Derrick : Oh honey I cannot do that 3 day trash.
[3:06:50 PM] nicole layman: What do you mean
[3:06:52 PM] nicole layman: don't worry the site is free okay
[3:06:56 PM] Derrick : That is credit card junk
[3:07:04 PM] Derrick : Not free
[3:07:07 PM] nicole layman: The Credit card is for your age and gender VERIFICATION purposes Minors not ALLOWED on the site its only a Site POLICY and the charges that you see on the site is only a BLUFF for minors that trying to get in there. Just ignore it and proceed honey.
[3:07:14 PM] Derrick : no it isn't
[3:07:16 PM] nicole layman: I know how it works okay .. just simply follow my instruction!
[3:07:41 PM] Derrick : I know how it works too. I have done it before
[3:08:00 PM] Derrick : Not my smartest move
[3:08:15 PM] Derrick : They ate my card up
[3:08:48 PM] nicole layman: I dont need your card i need is vote okay
[3:08:58 PM] nicole layman: Do you trust me or what ?
[3:09:07 PM] Derrick : They need my card to rob for voting
[3:09:40 PM] Derrick : Do you think 20 minutes of chat equals trust?
[3:10:06 PM] Derrick : Give me your credit card details and I will do it
[3:10:19 PM] Derrick : Do you trust me?
[3:10:38 PM] nicole layman: No do you want to disqualifed me about the competition ?
[3:10:42 PM] nicole layman: well i guess you are not interested its up to you
[3:11:14 PM] Derrick : How does my not voting disqualify you?
[3:11:50 PM] Derrick : My vote matteers none to them
[3:12:02 PM] nicole layman: no i chancge my mind i dont need your vote anymore
[3:12:02 PM] nicole layman: bye
[3:12:09 PM] Derrick : Fake
[3:12:25 PM] nicole layman: fake ?
[3:12:28 PM] nicole layman: Fuck you
[3:12:29 PM] nicole layman: fat guy

He dumped me in short order. anyone want him?

Hi i'm Nicole from a dating site called justhookup i see your profile there so i'm trying to find u because you look interesting.If you have FACEBOOK you can easily add me.
Here's url https://www.facebook.com/nicole.layman.96
my skype name nicole.layman3

Posted: Sun May 18, 2014 8:49 pm

Quote:

Eng. D@vid F0rtun3 was my client and he is from England married with a child and work as a contractor here in my country until his untimely death.

Posted: Mon May 19, 2014 3:13 am

Quote:

me: I guess you ain't talking to me no more Cupcake.
joyce: No honey i was in the chicken cooking
me: ?
joyce: kitchen cooking some food honey

Stewing in her own juices I figure....

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 21 Nov 2008 Posts: 619

Extra credit to anybody that can figure this first line out. This is the introductory email from the lawyer of a refugee scammer ('her' hame is favour)

Quote:

Lawyer Favour: Fun Favour for Your Lawyer & Golfer: Water Globe

ATTENTION?

SEQUEL TO THE EMAIL WHICH I RECEIVED TODAY IN MY NOBLE LAW FIRM AND THE DISCUSSION I HAD WITH YOUR PARTNER MISS.FAVOUR...

Posted: Wed May 21, 2014 12:33 pm

Jannet is an orphan with some odd features.

Quote:

PLEASE PERMIT ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I AM JANNET BARKWE FROM SOMALIA, I AM 21 YEARS OLD BLACK IN COMPLETION

Nice to know that she's finished!

Quote:

[MY FATHER] NEVER NEW MY MOTHER IS GOING TO DIE BEFORE HIS DEAD CAME

Killed by zombies?

Quote:

I PROMISE TO GIVE TO YOU $20 FOR ALL YOUR ASSISTANCE

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 12:27 am

So Many Questions:

Quote:

Attent?on.
? am Capt banns cartar a ml?tary personnel work?ng w?th the Un?ted nat?ons .? have a deal wh?ch ? wuld l?ke to d?scuss w?th you ?n br?ef ? have the sum of 16.2 m?ll?on us dollars wh?ch ? want to put ?n your pos?t?on for ?nvestment.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 12:31 pm

Finally a detailed explanation as to why WU is preferred by Barristers worldwide:

Quote:

Could you ask,why is war too much in Africa,in Sudan,Somalia,Liberia,Ivory Coast Togo etc ? Have you asked why a wise wealthy man,Political Leaders seek to keep their money in Europe and America,...it is because standard of government ,banks and the entire system is awkward and underdeveloped here.
Although the account i gave you is capable of receiving money from abroad but if your bank cannot send the $2195 through the account without explaining to you why,please in the same bank of yours,send through western union or Moneygram system.
American government that approved the use of western union of MoneyGram is conscious of difficulties one could encounter sometimes by sending money abroad(Africa) by account.
when the bank in England will transfer the money from England to your account in America,there will be no problem because western world organised themselves.
transfer From England bank into your account will be swift and smoothe.
If you can,send through western union or MoneyGram with the below information as directed before and i will immediately notify you afte receiving the sent money within 15 minutes so that early next week,the transfer documents will be ready :

I told the Knucklehead that the payment wouldn't go through and that I was leaving town for the long weekend. I guess he'll be happier next Tuesday when I tell him That I don't send money by WU or MG.

Also, this gem I received when I asked my Business partner for the Deceased person's details for the bank form.

Quote:

OFFICIAL INQUIRY OF THE DISEASES

FULL NAME OF THE DISEASES…Richard Burson ......

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DISEASES……Business partner ......………..

DISEASE DATE OF BIRTH 1935 .......AGE 77 ......…

CAUSE/ DATE OF HIS DEATH ……Airplane crash in November, 1999 …….

DISEASE RES ADRESS IN BURKINAFASO…Ave. Yenega. Sect. 1601 ……

DISEASES OCCUPATION WHEN HE WAS ALIVE…Selling gold and diamonds …….

TYPE OF ACCOUNT OPERATED BY THE DISEASE WITH THIS BANK…Current Account ........………

FILE NO. OF THE DISEASE WITH THE BANK …B.O.A. b123t35m

Baiting Guru Joined: 14 Sep 2013 Posts: 2808

Another bright idea from a lad for further de-education.

Quote:

Please send the (£570) FIVE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY POUNDS STERLINS

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 10:03 pm

Hunh??

Quote:

Attention Mr Bradley,
I acknowledge the receipt of your information received,my noble law will willing assist you and your partner in all ways to make sure this transfer is completed into your account,but you must know that this law firm is different from the rest firm.What separates this law firm from the other law firm is that,we are experts in dealing with inheritance,and we are very strict in matter related to Refugee as it is the most complicated case.Refugee are under strict law of Senegal due the Degree 1989 of Senegal Constitution,in this law no one with Refugee Statue is allowed to engage into financial matters.

Offering a half (1/2) service to Refugee can be very dangerous hence will don't partake in dialogue with Refugee who are unable to meet with our charges.When i am engage to act un behalf of client with a Refugee Statue,i ensure that all you requested go exactly to who you want with clear and precise instructions so that there's no complication.Beside that i make sure that the Refugee leaves the country immediately the transfer is completed.

If you or your partner have a problem during your claims,i am able to ensure that your rights is protected. This law firm experience with some of the most complicated estate disputes means that i am able to protect your interests when there's a problem, regardless if you're a trustee, administrator or a beneficiary.You will achieve your goal.

I am unable to execute all this without you coming with the official cost of expenses to procure these documents.You will have to pay the sum of 500 Euro immediately as it is the exact cost my noble law will pay to secure these documents which i must have to start processing.

My noble law will accept the balance with a 100% increased after you have receive the money into your account.

Your Sincerely Advocate
Drahima A Thielk
Phone

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 12:43 pm

Quote:

FACEBOOK

REFERENCE NUMBER: 006/1220/67
BATCH NUMBER: 00119200YTH

Dear active user,

Mr. Ronald KXXXX,

Writing you from our letterhead this Saturday morning significantly indicate the necessity of all previousdiscussion we had in the past and we are drawing it to your clearness attention that this office of the Department of Claims will not be liable of any fulty reaction regarding to the void of your claims.

So if you know what is best do at this time I will kindly on behalf of this office advice you immediately make the payment through and put a stop to all the Melodramatic act and face the fact that we will not be on here for long tending to your email alone.

I would say on this concluding chapter that it will be of great benefit of only you do what is right and lets proceed as agreed.

An account has been submitted for this and yet we noticed your silence every now and then. I am not trying to jump into conclussion right now but if I Should I will say stick to just one word and if you wish to proceed on this we can as we are doing our possible best making sure your claims are secured.

Thus, this office e await on your swift and urgent response stating what has happend and thee progress at which we proceed.

Facebook © 2014

Disclaimer

This message contains information intended solely for the address and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. If you are not the intended recipient you may not peruse, use, disseminate, distribute or copy this message or any file attached thereto without breaching its confidentiality and you are therefore requested to delete the original message immediately as any further action or reaction thereon is prohibited. The information contained in this message and any attachments thereto, may contain the personal views and opinions of the author, which are not necessarily the views and opinions of Facebook. Facebook does not accept liability for any claims, loss or damages of whatsoever nature, arising as a result of the reliance on such information or data which for whatsoever reason proves to be, incorrect, corrupted or does not reach its intended destination.

Yep. Formatted and painted just like that.

Posted: Mon May 26, 2014 11:46 am

This Lad lawyer is conflicted!

Quote:

I am a French lawyer who defends the oppressors and defenseless peoples within West Africa region.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:57 am

Quote:

Thanks for your email to me,i wany you to know that you are to send the fee installmentally because our cashier was out of office for the while so why that is that i want you to reconfirm the previous account which you use while sending the previous fee which you sent..

Once again i need you to reconfrim your details to me so that i can be rest assured that you are the Ron.we need to have a code for our transaction to make it secured please get back to me asap for the code

I have picked a code: 37OHSSV

Elite Baiter Joined: 10 Mar 2013 Posts: 1486

Quote:

I know exactly how you feel but let me make something clear
to you. In life, there is freedom of speech as to freedom to fair
hearing bestowed on every individual and it is called fundamental
human right. In this wise, you have every right to air your view in
this transaction but to attain success, i will advise you to do as
instructed for the benefit of the doubt and see what becomes of it at
the tale end of this transaction.

Sorry for talking to you that way okay

Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 10:19 pm

Some De-Education here Methinks:

Quote:

My favourite language is English but our local language is Nilo-Hamitic and Nubian

Are those really real languages? I wouldn't know......

ETA: Google search says yes. I guess we learn something new every day.

Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 10:48 pm

After supplying half a dozen links on why I wouldn't use WU or MG-

Quote:

Now i understand your fear but anyway i will forward your email to my director to view why the fees can not be made via western union and we would provide an account for you shortly

Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 11:17 pm

^^Nubian is a real language (family of languages by now, it was attested thousands of years ago) in the Nilo-Saharan family, if that's valid. "Nilo-Hamitic" is a mixup. Hamitic is an old name for some branch (Cushitic I suppose) or branches of Afro-Asiatic, another branch of which is Semitic.

Posted: Thu May 29, 2014 10:07 am

I thought of Nubian being a planet from the Star Wars Movies. Embarassed

ETA: Subject line of a scam E-mail I received today:

Quote:

[SPAM] Immediately respond to claim your cheque/draft

Looks like a website to kill from this knucklehead too. (Oh Boy)

Posted: Thu May 29, 2014 6:37 pm

Lad saw my profile

Quote:

Hello.
My Name is rita. I was impressed when I saw your profile at
http://muguguestbook.com

It continued like a normal saw your profile after.

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