Some who call me Tim NSFW - Wedding Blues

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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 4:33 am

^^^ Thanks, Ginger! I still want to get a wedding-menu-related trophy with Amazing Duckling and Ginger Awesomesauce written somewhere, but I'm getting close to another pig here so I'm going for that first. Laughing

Lad smells a big payday. Hate to tell him it's the sizzle of bacon in the pan.

Quote:

Baby i think i told you it has a reason that makes my friend ask for his money... his wife is going in to a serious sickness, she has cancer called(Leukemia ) and the drugs treatment will cost him $100,000 annually...baby i dont really know what to do anymore coz my friend is a very nice to me from childhood he had really help me a lot before and be with me when I don't have anything I mean the time my ex leave me and go with all my properties, he is the one that help me out in all my want and needs and am giving glory to God for my life now.

He said he has try all his possible best all he could get for now is $50,000 plus the $7500 I want to give him now everything will be $57,500

He said i should please help him out of this situation he want me to help him out with some money apart from the one am oweing him, he said he will return the money back to me no matter any amount i loan him and am sure of him 100% sure.

He said he will send me the new account info am waiting on him to send the new account now,

I wish my friend wife best treatment recovery coz i want to see both of them on my wedding day and am sure if you see my friend on that day you will know is a very gentle,humble, honest and trustworthy man.

Am not happy for the situation my friend is passing through at all he doent deserve this at all but God knows everything I pray the woman will not die coz cancer is a very dangerous sickness.

Baby i will be expecting your feedback let me know how much you will be able to transfer to him tomorrow...as soon as i get back home with you i will get the money return back to you i promise you my love.immediately you got the money sent scan the payment slipt and send it to my email thats what my friend will take to the bank for confirmation to get the money at the bank.

Love you so much my angel.

Tim.

Wait... how do loans work again? And bank transfers? Oh, nevermind. too many details for this addled head.

HI BABE
I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH
MEds in my body again
typing with findgers
babe i wan 2 help this poor woman
i can send some of the wedding monye baby
lets start with $25,000 thousane and see where that get his wife
but she need 2 be healthy for our wedding babe
so if she need more ok too
babe mom have a lot of money
enough 2 heal sick friend and have a big wedding k?
and honeyboomoon
and house and cars
we are rich babe
babe i send it tomorrow
love u so much babe
have 2 sleep
Char lamas class 2nite was very funny with the ladies
then the drugs start
an i lauff too much at jokes
so they bring me home
sleepy.
xoxoxo

He's got a 1pm deadline to send me a trophy. I'm guessing the bank account will arrive first. Will K even remember this conversation in the morning? Doubtful...

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:25 am

You are doing excellent work with this lad. I can't wait to see the trophy. Can you say what is in store for him if he doesn't send it?

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:15 am

^^^Scamzilla, good question! It's always a good idea to have a plan for what might happen, and to think through various scenarios. I'm actually counting on him not having it done; that will buy me some drama and borrowed time while the potential piggy goes kaput. In fact, it may complicate things a bit if he comes through right away with the trophy. Wink

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:21 am

You have a great head for this. Keep up the good work. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:24 pm

Annnnnd.... OINK!!

Quote:

Baby this is the new bank info my friend mail me below:
Holders name...
Bank name...
Account number ...
Routing number...
Bank address...
Estados Unidos.

baby immediately you got the money sent scan the payment slipt and send it to my email coz I will need to mail it back to my friend for confirmation so he can quickly go and withdraw the money and use it for what he want to use for!!

Baby I want you to do this in the morning as soon as the bank open.

I will be expecting the transfer payment slipt, love you so much my angel....am sending the photo of the shoes in some hours time now time here now is 11:15am I will send it exactly 5pm which will be 1pm your time so baby let me know if you love the shoes immediately you got it and I bet you will love the shoes.

Am waiting to read back from you my sweetie.
xoxoxo,
Tim.

Bank reported, and K went silent, waiting for her trophy. So... this will be a spoiler alert of sorts. Lad sent a photoshopped image, and K is NOT buying it, especially since he sent three versions of the same image. However, the photoshopping was rather good. I hope he paid to have it done!

Quote:

Hi, Sweetie.

Baby am very sorry i couldn't meet up with the right time ???? i was busy at the work coz i just started working last week due to the upper last week i couldn't go to work coz i was at the hospital throughout...and i just took my guy to the studio for the pictures and scan it to you now..... i thought you will have mail me but i can see you havent send any mail. I have been so worried and cant do without hearing from you, i know you might be too busy with work but at times baby you should have know someone care for you and cant do without you.

baby take a look at the my guy on the shoes photo did you love the shoes?..i want to know the type of dress you are going to put on for our wedding with the shoes.

Sweetie did you get the new bank account i mail to you let me know when the money got deposited to the account. Love you so much my sexy K, am waiting for your feedback my sexy queen,

Your one and only husband,
Tim.

This is the image he used as the original. The background was photoshopped out, if you're curious to peek:
http://placepic.ru/uploads/posts/2014-02/1391668370_muzhskaya-moda-2014-18.jpg

no baby.
This is an asian man with shoes photoshopped on his feet.
I am a bit suspicious of you now. are you for real?
this is NOT what I asked for.
Please read my email instructions and try again.
K

Waited about 15 minutes, then sent this:

OMG you got this image off a website.
How stupid do you think I am???
I am so angry with you.
I am going to get my medication now.

<weasel mode>

Quote:

Baby try to understand maybe you dont read what i mail you clearly or i made a mistake while am typing i said i was so busy and late from work and i just go to the store to snap you the type of the shoes i wiill mail you the shoes with my worker tomorrow

</weasel mode>

You need to understand the drugs make my brain fizzy and i am really struggling to understand why u make promises and do not keep them. I will wait to see the photo tomorrow exactly as i asked. This is confirming some of my worst fears, Timothy.

I just take more of the medication and i am goign home to sleep. I do not want you to email me until you can take the photo like i asked with [tee hee] as i asked so i know you legumitally love me.
K

Quote:

Baby why do you say such a negative word to me that am i for real it really make me feel so sad i said i told you the pics is just sample from the studio coz i late from work today.....am not here to lie to you or hurt you but i can see you make me feel so sad.

Quote:

To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first. despite i try to show my real love for you and i dont doubt on you i cant believe it you will say am not for real baby i thought you understand the situation of my work here i need to make the work fast so that i will be back to the state with you in time that's why i don't have much time and am still trying my best out of no time to let you know how much i love and how important you are to me.

Baby to God who made me know i love you and im honest with you in everything.

Attached was the lad's original profile pic, as if to prove his validity.

You are right, dear. My meds are taking away my patience with you so i need to calm down.

I will be patient and wait for you to send the real photo right away as I have asked and with [tee hee]. It will not be a photoshop but a real picture.

Until then, I am going home and going to sleep. We will talk again when you make the picture for me and send it to me because you said you have it ready to go, and i understand you were not able to pick it up today as planned but you will have it very soon. I know you are real and true to your word, which is why I know i will get that photo from you immediately, and then we can talk about our wedding and your friend again.

In hope,
K

Resent the original instructions again. He will not hear from K again until he sends a trophy, and by then the bank account will likely experience a few issues... Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 8:20 pm

Quote:

Hey,

honey see i don't see the reason why you should be treating me like this i want you to know that Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud........ It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth.

If you said you don't trust me now who do you expect to trust me again and how do you expect me to feel, try to understand am here for work all this you are telling me to do does not mean anything concerning to our to me at all, i love you and there's nothing can stop me for loving you when i get back home with you i bet you will know the kind of man you are dealing with and i bet you will later give thanks to God and pray not to lose me in your life.

i cant ask you all this kind of things you are asking me to do if you are the one here coz i will know is not your country and i might not know what you are facing here that's the reason why i wont ask you for all this and as a matter of fact i know you love me already there's no reason why i will be doubting on you coz i know how it feels i told you all what i pass through and i don't pray to experience such a situation in my life again and it wont happen to me again by God grace.

My friend just mail me now and ask for the money i don't know what to tell him again i told him already i have already sent the new account to my queen and am waiting on you for reply.

Baby make me feel happy dont let me remember all the past again coz if you are not happy with me and you can say you dont trust me i will be so down and think another thing which can cause bad thing to my life. baby believe me to God who made me know and i swear with my both parents grave i love you and my love for you is eternity.

Honey dont leave me and sleep talk to me coz i cant do without you dont let the shoes photo change your love for me, i promise i wont let you done, i vow i will love you till death do us part, i promise i will take care of you and our kids and never leave you for one second.

Baby talk to me and again what should i tell my friend???
Tim.

OMG. What part of "I want a photo" do you not understand??? banghead

tell your friend your queen is waiting for you to send her a true photo first, and he will get his money for his wife as soon as you take care of YOUR wife by sending her the photo she wants. This is what love does, my peculiar husband. xoxo

Quote:

Baby i need to ask you this question right now coz i can see is like you don't love me and you are just here for the photo alone....if i dont be able to get the photo send till i come back home with you will you still love me or not let me know i want to know my hope now coz you you dont trust me and am not sure i will have time for all that kind of things you ask me to do due to my work here am not a citizen of here am here for work and i will soon be back home coz my work is getting to and end now.

WEASEL!!! beating

I need to know now baby tell me do you still love me or not coz i wont be able to get the photo it really giving me headache that i cant do that for you here, i can only do that and more than that when home with you in your lovely arms.

Coz of the photo you put my friend wife in pain you said he should look for new account and i gave it to you but you insist not to transfer the money coz you think i wont return it back hun??...am not that kind of man i wish you could know the type of man you have you will have hold me tight and never let me go...i wish you could know my ex and ask her few about me she would tell you a little about TIM.

I love you, i care much about you...right now am also feel down that i couldnt help my friend condition despite all his effort on me when i havent got this pretty job am doing now how i wish i could be in the state now i would have help him ...due to the love, trust and believe i have in you am telling you this baby.

I want to know your mind coz right now am just thinking that you are not in love with me but the shoe photo...am real a man of my word i never hurt or cheat on my woman and i will never do that in my life.

Interesting reply. Guilt trips shall incur wrath.

OK, wrath was planned all along regardless of the response... I shall not lie.

2 hours later:

Quote:

Am waiting for your reply baby talk to me....i don't get myself again i can say today is a bad day to me coz i have been expecting your mail and make me happy but is a pity to me that you didn't.

Decided to send the snippets approach again since that was so cornfuzing to the lad last time. I sense this bait may be coming to an end, and I might not get my trophy (#sadface) but two piggies ain't bad. Each of these sent a few minutes apart:

thats funny
i think you only like me for my money
you are a susepisious man
not sure if i can trust you
i am willing

--- time ---

to give so much
i ask 4 so little
but u cannot give me the little
but demand

--- time ---

much
go to hell if that who you are
your friend wife is his problem
u try to put that guilt on me, you are a BAD

--- time ---

MAN
I DO NOT BE WITH BAD MAN
GREEDY MAN
WHO oops caps
only want money but

--- time ---

cannot show love in a small photo
i have lots of money but now
i think i spend it on me instead
wedding is OFF
AND

And.....? And??? Oh dear, what will the lad do with this?
Be sure to tune in next time as our novella continues... Shocked

Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 6:43 am

Quote:

Baby i just make a call to my workers and tell them i wont be able to come to work tomorrow all coz of you, i will make sure i go to the store tomorrow for the [tee hee] by then you will know your man really love you and cant wait to see you anymore baby i dont want you to feel mad at me although you make me feel so sad but am not a man that will hurt his wife i wont do that i will rather work things out for us....so am going to the store and sending you the photo tomorrow.

This is in response to one of the snippets. At this point I'm just waiting for him to catch up.

Quote:

Hun well, baby i can see you talk to me the way you never did before you said i should go to hell hun??....good am not here for your money but your love i have my own money that is why am working here i just want a responsible woman in my life that we can enjoyed ourselves till death do us part.

What? Baby, you not enjoying this already?? And hey... didn't the next group of footballers just hit the pitch? Awww... honey are you missing the game? Twisted Evil

Quote:

Well if you insist on me to send you the [tee hee] i will try so that you will no am real and am not here for your money i want to prove myself to you that i have my own money, i dont know the reason why i love you but what i know is that God knows better.

Quote:

baby you havent answer my question yet....do you still love me or not??

I suspect the lad is reading my emails in reverse chronological order and then needing to translate each disjointed piece in his little brain. This is a hoot!!

Quote:

Oh Ok you mean i should send you my photo or what do you say??

Quote:

Baby talk to me i don't want to lose you don't let me down...do you got my last mail?? i said i will send you the photo tomorrow.

OMG I love how much this confuses the lad!!! This shall continue. Oh yes, it shall.

I will wait until tomorrow before i answer. I am waiting to see if you

-- time --

will do what i asked over a week ago. i

-- time --

damn this keyboard and theese drusgs

-- time --

i have already given you more time than I said i would

-- time --

which should tell you where my heart is.

Quote:

Baby I know where your heart is and I know you really love me I love you too baby me too am not feeling ok coz of you. My heart is seeking for you asap.

Really? 'Cause my heart was seeking some really good sashimi.
Mission accomplished.
Complete silence from the lad after that, which is unusual for this one. Perhaps he is trying to figure out where to find some sexy shoes in his neighborhood...

ETA I now realize this is the point where his IP address changed from Nigeria to London - the weasel was traveling??

Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:29 pm

A flurry of emails is sometimes another way for confusing lads. I use it especially when my character is angry. It goes something like:

Email 1: "Mr. Lad I am annoyed by your behavior blahblahblah"
[Wait for a minute]
Email 2: "Your behavior really sucks Mr. Lad blahblahblah"
[Wait for another minute]
Email 3: "Stop emailing me!"
[Wait for another minute]
Email 4: "Moron!"
[Complete silence for a few days, no matter what.]
Email 5: "I was drunk. But you're still a moron."

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 3:29 am

@Duckling, apparently my lad has such a weak constitution that the combination of alarming emails, plus excessive thinking, has landed him YET AGAIN in the hospital! Ah, but I am jumping ahead too much...

Quote:

Hi Honey,

Goodmorning baby how was your night and hope the med you took yesterday didn't worry you much?
I want to start off by telling you how madly, truly and deeply I am in love with you. I love you so very much, with all my heart and soul, always, forever and ever! Having you in my life is truly a blessing. You bring so much happiness into my life and so much love into my heart! I do not know if I tell you this enough but I want you to know it each and every day. And with every moment, my love for you grows stronger and deeper.

Its early morning here time here now is 08:41am [more like 4:11 pm, but whatever] like I told you yesterday am not going to work today am gonna go to the store and buy the shoes for you baby.

Don't be mad at me that it took me late I know It as been long but baby I won't you to bear with my and understand the condition of my work.

There's a lot of work for me to do today I just told my worker that I will need to see my doctor today so that I won't be able to come to work...baby its all coz of you I don't want you to feel bad or doubt me I love you so much and can't wait to hold you and kisse you anymore

I know you love me and you can't cheat on me to another man and I do the same here honey believe me...baby write me back so that I can know you got this mail.

Tim.

Quote:

Hi love,
Baby I need to know if you like this shoe coz I order it on internet the shop is very far to me and the only way I can get it is to go on internet and order it.

I check all the shoes I can see is only this one is the most expensive price out of the shoes there and is the colour you already like..take a very good look at it and let me know if you like baby.

Am expecting your reply asap,

Tim.

Attached is a rather painful looking red stiletto pump. Actually, he's got K's taste in shoes nailed, but she's not happy. It is NOT the trophy image K has been waiting for.

No. The toe looks like a weapon.
I am having a hard time believing there are no shoe stores where you are.

As much fun as it is to send him shoe shopping, his comment about cheating gave me another idea...

I received another email from Mr. Simpsen, and I have not replied out of respect for you. Here is his email:

OJ wrote:

Hello babe how are you and how was your night? Am glad to see your reply and understand you have a man you wait for but Am hoping maybe you are single now and must also let you know that you are looking so sweet,sexy,charming and admirable..you are all men dreams,I have been single and lonely for the past 4yrs now and I intend to find myself a loving,understanding,romantic and soulmate woman to make my queen...am a cool,loving,hard working,romantic,compassionate,caring, sexy,understanding,down to earth and guy of intergrity you can always count on any day any time..hate lying and always transparent,truthful..hope reading back from you asap

I have not heard from the other gentleman, Mr. Madina.

I will continue to wait for the photo. I am still very confused as to why you felt the photo would be ready for me yesterday - the photo of a real person wearing real shoes and holding a real sign.

You had a week to do this, but out of my love for you I gave you more time. You still have not done this simple thing.

I do not fancy the shoes you sent. You are making this so complicated when it can be so easy. The shoes are not so important, except that they have tall heals. I like red but if you like another color, that is OK too. Just go to a store and buy some lovely high heal shoes babe.

It is time for me to go to work. I have another busy day and will likely travel with the team again. I will check in tonight to see how you are progressing.
Your K

Quote:

Baby I don't know you will say you don't like the shoe I thought you will like it coz when I was shopping online I can see is the costest one out of the shoes I saw there..baby there's no problem about that if you don't like it I will make sure I satisfy you.

I have a suggestion honey..here are the website of the stores: tafoo dot com and Jumi@ dot com, I want you to check the websites and look for the one you like there and send the photo of the shoe to me and I will order for It. I guess you will love my idea honey hun!!

Baby I want you to know this today, the only reason why I don't want to lose you in my life and never leave you are:you are a woman of your word,you don't cheat on your man with other man, you are honest and trustworthy,you believe in God and most especially you accept me as your man forever and ever coz you always tell me what is going on concerning those idiot men sending you mail..baby keep it up you are the world best wife. I want you to tell those men most especially the one you said he use to mail you I mean the Simpsen or whatever tell him not to mail you anymore and let him know you are engage already.

Baby I will be waiting on you to look at the websites and check for the shoes and send it to me so I can order it for you.

Love you more,more and more.
Yours,
Tim.

Oh yes, I will email Mr. Or3nth@l J Simpsen and let him know that very thing.

I order shoes all the time.
I do not want to tell you what shoes I want.
I want you to buy a pair for me in Nigeria where you are.
That is the point.
I will watch for your photo of the shoes you bought for me there. Your time is running out.

Followed that up with...

hi dear.

I am sending this to you because I want to stay very truthful always. I email Mr. Simpsen and tell him we are engaged and he should not email me, and it is like he does not read my words at all but instead he send me this note immediately. I am now afraid I have encouraged him by my response. My husband, I did not mean to encourage him at all but rather I wrote what you tell me to write but now he is acting like he wants to know me more.

OJ wrote:

How are you dong, how is your day and how was your night? Am really sorry haven't had time to read your mail been really busy trying to get a contract from a company in Nigeria to build a warehouse and am been having lot of meeting with my cleints just had the last one today with them and was awarded the contract and that will make me have to go to Nigeria on Saturday so just have tomorrow in Dubai.

Would have loved to have your phone number its easier for me to get to know you that way.would love to call you tonight have alot to know about you.
Hope you have lovely day dear.

It is such an odd thing he too is going on contract to Nigeria. I will ignore him and hope he goes away, but it will be funny if you are both in the same area working on the same projects. Nigeria is a small place, right?

I am going home to sleep because my medications are making me tired. I will check email tomorrow to see if you made my sign and did the shoe photo.

Sweet dreams, my peculiar hopeful husband. I hope you have my photo. Do not work too hard on it, just use a little camera or your phone. I do not expect a professional photo.

The following sounds like he reached out for help from a buddy whose language skills are not as honed, although I have rarely seen anyone use a Nota Bene as a postscript... is this common elsewhere? I won't correct the blood pressure diagnosis. A systolic of 132 is hardly a blip. If he means diastolic, he's likely already dead, so it doesn't really count. I shall reinforce the false drama when I reply.

Quote:

Hi dear,

On my way going to search for the shoe I collaps and I were rush to the hospital...and the doctor let me know that I need to rest and calm down she said she can see I have been thinking too much for the past two weeks now.

[This seems to be a recent trend among lads, and a dangerous one.]

She check my B.P and discover that's is very high(132.07)...When my pastor heard that am at the hospital he visit the hospital and begin to pray for me.

He remind me of the revolution concering our marriage that (third part) I mean your friends are the behind the successful of the marriage with force information(wrong advise)they don't want the wedding to hold.

I now believe the revolution I heard from the pastor as a result of your of yout resent mail by exposing my message to your so called friends.

I told my doctor about your recent email and she told me to stay off if I don't want to killed myself she let me know that my life is at risk but I told her I love you and I can't do without you.

Kindly please be inform, my doctor told me not reply any mail or visistors even my workers except my pastor for prayer.

Kindly please bear with me if I can not. Attend to your email urgently due to am in a critical condition.
Thanks..
Yours sincere,
Tim.

N.B: I receive am email looks like somebody very close to you.. my doctor is my witness to the email.

Just when I think this bait is circling the drain, he sends me a gem like this. Too many good things in here. Where to begin???

ETA: IP address has now shifted to London. Innnnnnteresting!

ETA2: I sense the IP shift and the plea for more time to respond to emails may have something to do with some football games tomorrow? ...Just a hunch. Sure wish I could give the lad a call right in the middle of a game, but that would spoil my viewing time. Hmmm...

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am

It might be worth mentioning to him that love is also a verb. Words are nothing more than hot air. I am an avid admirer of your work. My sides are hurting from laughing so much. It pops in my head when I am at work and my co-workers have been giving me puzzled looks lately. I will do my best to contain myself.

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:27 am

^^^ Thanks SZ! Smile

I have to give props to my baiting idols, Ginger Lee, GT Mama and Bware419ers - those three are my comedic muses and I'm learning a ton from their techniques! When I first arrived on this board, they were the source of my work-time laughter, and I was getting those same odd stares from the office. I'm delighted to "pay it forward" Laughing

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:38 am

I was looking forward to adopting some of your methods in the love scam I started to other day, but it very quickly turned into a refugee scam. So it's a whole different ball of wax now. I was a little disappointed, but I'll still get my giggles, just in a different way. I am still waiting to hear from the "good reverend" that inevitably pops up in refugee scams. I wonder if I can get him to convert to my religion... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:49 am

OMG honey, are you OK??? Baby I am so worry about u right now your poor sweet heart is beating too fast for you darling. That is an outrageous BP and I am not surprise you collaps baby! Your poor countenance has been damaged by this accessive thinking babe. You must be very careful. My mother had high BP just before her stroak and I wish we knew the signs and took more prophylactics to prevent the damage. Did your doctor prescribe dienestrol*? That helped my mother tremendisly. Please baby get the best drubs you can for this - i need you healthy for our wedding!!

*Dienestrol: relieves symptoms such as v@ginal dryness, physical discomfort during intercourse, and problems with the urinary tract during menopause.

I am so glad your pastor is there with you. Please turn off all electronics babe. I mean the TV, email, internet, or anything else that will distract you tomorrow from getting better. You must have complete quiet. I want to call you but I think even that would be a distraction? If I call, it would be sometime between 9am and noon my time, or which I think is 11am - 2pm Florida time, or 5 - 8pm in Nigeria.

Um... that's what time the game is on, right?! Twisted Evil

Baby I do not know if your brain was hurt in this process or not - you do not sound like yourself, but a very damaged and slow version of yourself, so I am not sure exactly what you are saying. I'm sure the drubs have made you slow and not thinking correctly. I do not know what you mean when you say the third part of the revolution of our marriage. I understand your pastor gave you a revolution, to which I say glory be, and Ceridwen praise on high! I hope you pray long and hard over Ezekiel 23:20,21* and receive it deeply in your glory receptor.

*Ez 23:20,21 "She lusted after their paramours, whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses. Thus you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians handled your bosom because of the breasts of your youth." Seriously, not trying to offend anyone with this - but it really is in the Bible. Look it up! I think this is an appropriate occasion to pop this verse on someone.

But I have not yet heard this revolution of your pastor and yet you write as if I should know it. I hope it is in the tone of Wessels 7:14 & 15 - "Nothing of this world; indeed nothing even beyond the world can possibly be conceived which could be called good without qualification except a good will"* which truly speaks of the nature of our goodness toward one another.

*Immanuel Kant's basis for deontological ethics, which speaks to the basis of the Prime Directive in Star Trek, and which accounts for the hunt for Nuclear Wessels by Chekov.
Gestalt!

My darling, will you please write for me this revolution so I may share in it?

As for my friends, they only know that I was hurt when you went back on the dating site. They know nothing of our marriage plans - I have kept that secret until I am sure of your intentions. There's nothing worse than sending out wedding invitations and going through bridal showers only to have to return a bunch of gifts. That would be heartwenching.

Shall we take a break from email for the next day for the sake of your health? and I can't for the loaf of me see anyone near me - do you think I am being stocked? I'm afraid I don't understand that part at all, but since I too have been experiencing very odd reactions to drubs, I will assume that's what is happening to you as well, my love.

This buys time while that last bank account is shut down. I suspect he will gladly agree so he can watch the game... Evil or Very Mad

It pains me to know you are hurt in any way, my peculiar husband. I am careering for you deeply right now. Please take extra special care today and tonight and perhaps the doctor knows of the fleet and swift coloclens procedure for helping your thought process move along better? It has done wonders over here as you well know, for I am sure you still keep up on the news in the state. Baby promise me you will be very, very careful, and that you will get lots of rest and liquids and medication, and refrain from any excitement or loud noise in the next 48 hours. I will end here so I do not excite you further.

My love, I am concern for you as only your wife can be. I will pray the Ezek verse over you tonight that you may feel the issue deep inside from your bottom to your top, and "the healing shall be as restoring youth to your bosom." (Wessels 7:18 )

Your wife in good will and forever,
K

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:42 am

Took more prophylactics.... Laughing

Wessles 7:18? I really need to read my Bible more, that must be the new age version. I think some of my characters need the meds K is on, just the prescribed amount of course. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:55 am

Definitely Apocryphal Wink

Can be found next to First Hesitations in the New Expanded Edition. Soon to be available in the original Klingon...

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:08 am

I think they are making that into a TV show, on right after Keeping Up with the Cardassians.

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:53 pm

What is it with lads and excessive thinking? They're worse than a delicate female from a Jane Austen novel!

Great baiting Kitty! Razz

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:09 pm

^^^ Thanks, SBAH! And today, I simply could not resist a little taunting as Ghana was knocked out by Portugal (apologies to anyone who was disappointed, my gloating is aimed solely at my lad)... Plus, I love saying "soccer" to him. And yes, I know better Wink

Darling i know you probably can't watch the important game right now, and my coworkers are all down int he basement with the television on, so i can tell you the US/Germany soccer game is tied right now and HOORAY Portugal is winning over Ghana! The cheers over here are deafening. I think the nigerian game ended badly for those guys so they probably aren't watching any more of the series there, but our team is still in for a bit. They have done better than anyone expected, so we already feel like winners, don't we babe?

I tried sending you a txt but didn't hear back so maybe you didn't get it. Rest up and i hope you are sleeping and not worrying about anything today baby.

xoxo

Discovered email-to-sms, and in the hopes that it was buzzing the lad's pocket, I sent several text messages out during the game. Side note, our workplace sponsored a spectator event with both games streaming live in a large conference room, as long as we brought in our laptops to (cough) get some work done. I am grateful to work for a benevolent entity. It's also the first time I've been able to taunt a lad in real time during one of the games! I truly hope I added some aggravation to his misery.

Babe, just another quick note becoz it is so loud over here with everyone cheering from the match - we had two large screen tvs to watch Portugal kick Ghana's butt and watch the great game between us and Germany!! Nobody expected the USA to do so well against such a formative osprey but HOORAY we are still in!!!

I feel badly about celebrating today while you are nursing your wounds in the hospital and my coworkers are all going out to lunch to enjoy the good news so i am going with them, then we will get back to work. I will be thinking of you poor thing all day that you have to be in suck a terrible state with no happiness or joy. Please be very still and quiet today and do not think baby.

All my love and good wishes
your wife

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:45 am

Way to stick it to him. I love it. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:48 am

ETA: D'OH - I didn't post the original from the lad! Ah well, read through my quotes from him to see what I'm responding to... basically another pity attempt (hospital stay) and a saucy tart sending him love notes (who uses precisely the same misspelled words as our lovelorn lad!)

Played with the formatting a bit to hopefully further confuse the lad, but I am at the point of trying to extract another bank account from this one. I sent this basically as is, with some funny indentation on his original note, and my replies as wrapped text. This lad is on mingle2 daily, and was on the site when I started composing this note, so hopefully that will hit home Twisted Evil

Hello seetheart, i got your email but I still think the drugs are doing something to your head. you sound like you are slightly demented here and you are writing like a child all of the sudden. i am answering your note in chunks dear. I had to visit my mother tonight because she has had another prolem with the catheter and now they are afraid her spleen is involved and failing. i will do my best to answer this in portions tonight. But I will say first off that I am able to read what you are saying, and I understand what is going on. You have my support and my love, dear. Please read all the way through and i put parts of your email here so you see what i reply to.

Quote:

>Hi baby this is not a matter of ball at all I need to get better
>recovery first I'm not feat yet
>>I'm still at the hospital and the doctor don't allowed TV or any
>electronics on.
>>

it is too bad because the games were pretty good. I thought of you the whole time I was watching and as we cheered on the good guys i was cheering for you to get out of that ridiculous hospital and away from that judgementing pastor. When I read this line, I know you are writing in code because I watch you every day on Mingle2 and I know you are on there today so you have electronics and things are not so bad LOL. Baby, remember I say that I know you are a man and you have needs. You do not need to make up stories for me, baby. I understand.

Quote:

>>My doctor said am not permitted to send mail or any visitors at my
>own risk except my pastor for
>>prayer....but right now she is not around she got an emagency call
>and she said she will be back
>>in two hours time so i have to use that opportunity to send you this
>mail and receive your mail

Baby I hope you are able to get everything taken care of in those two hours. I hope you had a firm grasp of the situation and you came to a favorable conclusion while the nurse was not looking. Be careful, baby. If the nurse catches you, she could become very offended and kick you out of the hospital.

Quote:

>>before she will be back and as a matter of fact i told her already
>that i cant do without sending
>>you mail so she should permit me to talk to my one and only
>K..although she havent give me
>>order but i cant hold it anymore i miss talking to you despite am not
>feeling better yet.

But I hope now you are feeling better? were you able to finishe what you started when the pastor walked in on you? Baby, I know you are a man and you have needs. There is no shame in it. All lonely men do this. Of course you cannot hold it any more, and I do not expect you to. We are apart. When we are together baby I will help you of course.

Quote:

>>
>>You said you don't understand what i mean by Third party and you
>want to know what my pastor
>>reveal right?..
>>

I understand now baby. I am so embarased for you that your pastor caught you doing this.

Quote:

>>Pastor said you had been exposing our mail to your friends and you
>don't know they are behind the
>>successful of the marriage, pastor said they don't want the marriage
>to hold that's why they give
>>you wrong advice.
>>

This was a very smart excuse baby! When i first read it, I am angry and think you are accusing me of something and then i realize the pastor is probably telling you what to write. Baby, he is an evil man. There is nothing wrong with master baiting and he should know it.

Quote:

>>Is know I believe what pastor reveal to me is true..if you can read
>the last mail i sent you last
>>night i said i got an eamail from someone and the mail looks like
>somebody very close to you. baby

These words make me laugh, and it is here I catch your secret code. Baby you have your email address clearly written on your Mingle2 profile for all the world to see, and I understand if sexy women are sending you their photos and email baby. There is no shame in pulling the weasel my love. If I were there, I would do it for you. You know I have already said I forgive you and I know you need to play around, and I am OK with that as long as you do not fall in love with anyone else. I am your only Wife and Queen and you can pretend all you want for your pastor but we know the truth.

Quote:

>>coz i know you are honest to me and you really cant do without me you
>don't cheat on me you reveal
>>everything i don't even believe you can reveal to me and i want you
>to know that i cant lie or
>>cheat on you too.
>>

Well, I don't think you're going to lie to me, and technically since I am saying it is OK for you to be on the dating site like you were today, it isn't cheating.

Quote:

>>Here is the email i receive: Hello, handsome man how are you doing
>today? Don't be surprise how i
>>get your email i got it from someone very closer to you and i. well
>to cut the story short i just
>>want to say i love you. Can you give me change to show you that I'm
>careering and loveable woman?
>>i will be glad to read back from you.
>>

That is a sweet and sexy email baby! Obviously this was written by someone who is not educated as me, but she sounds nice. I give you permission to flirt with her but only I can master bait you, ok baby? Save that for me alone.

Quote:

>>Here is my reply: Who is this i will like to know your name and who
>is that person you said you
>>got my email from coz I'm married already and i can't cheat on my
>wife we love ourselves so much
>>she mean the world to me.
>>Thanks I'm not interested.

It is a sweet and loving answer my dear faithful husband but again if you want to flirt a bit just think of me if you need to master bait. I thought this is why you are still on the mingle2 site, so no need to explain baby.

Quote:

>>
>>Pastor let me know that what you need to do is to stay off with all
>your betrayer friends or you
>>stop telling them all our secret if you want this wedding to hold and
>you want our relationship to
>>last and long till eternity.
>>

You are giving him good excuse answers my love. That is a good response when he catch you master baiting. It is ok that you are using me as an excuse because i know you were embarased. Just please baby do not let the nurses catch you oiling the flagpole or they will stop giving you the good medicine.

Quote:

>>My doctor too also ask me to tell her what am i thinking that makes
>my BP too rise up like
>>that...i cant hide anything for her anymore, I told her is two things
>cause the collaps and rise

Yes baby, the two things plus the blood make for the rise. if there is no collaps after four hours that is a problem.

Quote:

>>BP.. i tell her how you hurt me and make me feel so down when i
>couldn't get the shoe for you.
>>
>>I let her know that you said my time is running out coz I couldn't
>get the shoe for you, I wanted
>>to satisfy you but I couldn't coz am not use to internet much I
>always busy with my work..so I
>>feel so bad and collapse when you mail me that my time is running out
>I feel like am down coz I
>>know I can't love any woman again if I lose you to another man.
>>

I have no doubt baby you will satisfy me, but just to be sure when you pull the lever, is it big enough? Can you pitch a tent for a bear or only a bunny? This is an important question.

Quote:

>>Secondly is my very close childhood friend loan me some money and he
>was in need of the money due
>>to the situation of his wife, he also ask for my assistance but i
>cant get the money return yet
>>nor help him out of the problem..he is contacting me all the time and
>i know how it feel coz the
>>situation of his wife is very critical.
>>

Baby i meant to tell you I went to the bank and I try to transfer money to you again this afternoon and the bank tell me that there is something wrong with the account. They are trying again tomorrow. I will let you know how that goes but baby since i do not get the shoe photos from you I am only giving you $8000.

Quote:

>>I let my doctor know that is like you want to leave me that's why you
>said my time is running out
>>that's what make me collaps on my rushing to get the shoe.
>>

Baby if it is that bad you should be master baited much more often. I will do that for you.

Quote:

>>She said i need to talk to you that you should take it easy with me
>if you know you want me for
>>real, she said she notice that if i continue thinking and stressing
>my self much it might lead to
>>death.

Easy or rough baby I can help no matter what. You need to stop thinking so hard with the big head.

Quote:

>>
>>Baby kindly bear with me if I didn't reply your mail immediately,
>>Your peculiar husband...
>>Tim.

My love, I am sorry it take so long to reply but I know you are on mingle2 today so I know everything is ok. Please baby try to keep your wally in your knickers until you get out of the hospital. Send me the bill and I will pay the hospital direct, OK baby?

I love you my proud anaconda or my baby salamandar. Either way, you are my husband to be.

xoxo
K

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:05 am

Master Baiting... Laughing

nice touch, no pun intended, or maybe it was, it's applicable. Pulling the weasel...oiling the flags pole... Laughing

Next time try implying that instead of a hard drive, he has a floppy disk. But the nurses can give him something for that of course. He may go blind if he doesn't slow down. I love the direction you are going with this one. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:54 pm

Lad isn't sure what to respond to, and he's a bit desperate:

Quote:

Well I can see you don't trust me anymore this time around coz you are still insisting that am on mingle2 which I didn't I wanted to block my profile from the site but I can see I don't have access to the site again...if I can see any other way to block my profile from the site I would have do it.
Am really disappointed baby you count my message as something meaningless,if you said am still on mingle2 you are right coz I can't login again and the profile haven't block I don't know how those hackers getting in to the profile.

Am not on mingle yesterday I don't even believe you can say that am on the site yesterday coz you know am at the hospital...baby my life is at risk due to how you talk to me this time around you sound to me like as if you got another man in love with.

The lad does think I'm into him deeply. Idea: I should totally take advantage of that misconception! I'm curious what he'll do if I let him know his mingle2 site is public? Hmmm....

honey if it is not you on mingle, then your email is still out there and that is why you get mail from sex kittens on mingle. It doesn't bother me, baby. Just keep telling them what you do. But if your email is out there in the open, you will continue to get email from saucy tarts. I am not a jealous woman, I just ask for honesty.

http mingle2 com user view ###

Anyway, don't let the drubs make your brain lose all the smarts. You are helusinating or something. I am really having a hard time understanding your emails when i read your words, and you sound like a different person. Baby, I am still here. Email me when you feel better and it will all be Ok again. I am not going to respond to ridiculous accusations because the drubs have made your brain funny, and it is not fair to fight with you when you are not able to think or when it will stress you out. I am trying to calm you down baby. If that is not working I will let you take an email break if that is what you need. I'm really trying to figure you out right now. You're really all over the place with your emotions and your words babe.

xoxo

Now the lad reads the part about going to the bank and sending only a fraction of the original amount:

Quote:

The account is correct baby check it very well. Baby please for God sake help my friend with the 25000,consider his condition.if I were with him he deserve to help with whole money he need please honey try today.I will return the it back immediately I get there.
Holders name
Bank
etc.
[same info as before]

And now he realizes his dating site profile is public:

Quote:

Wow... honey I click the mingle2 link you sent to me and it takes me to my profile..baby how come do you got my profile am really happy you can check the profile now I deactivated it. Baby am now happy that I got the profile block.

Confirmed, profile is removed. Realized K's profile was still active, so I deactivated that just in case the lad started thinking. Wouldn't want to send him back to the hospital, right?

I bookmark your profile when we first meet on mingle2, Timothy. Did you think I was lying when I said I saw you were on mingle?? Did you think I was just making this up?? I can't believe you are accusing me of something like that, and am awaiting your apology.

Hopefully this little spat will continue through the confirmed closure of the account, at which time K will definitely need another one. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:21 pm

Quote:

Hi baby,
U are right baby but I told u I don't know who is operating with my email on the site I don't have access to the profile since all this days I have been trying to block it... if not that u sent the link I won't be able to deactivate it thanks for bookmark honey.
Where are u right now and what are u doing?

So... had to do a RL transaction on my lunch hour, and had a good chat with the teller, who mentioned the Dodd-Frank act in the US has made some changes to transfers of fees. Not interested in the details, but it gave me a reason to send a very blurry & unreadable 24mb "scan" of a phony bank receipt to the lad, with a posting date of Monday. Any questions from the lad will result in copious copying & pasting of the Dodd-Frank act, which is available online.

I was at the bank. The rude teller was there but she helped me with this. She was not sure why the transfer was refused yesterday, and she gave me a temporary receipt this time, but the posting date on the receipt is Monday because this is over $5000 and the D0dd-Fr3nck act for banking security is kicking in this year so the banks watch everything over $500, but especially over $5000. The teller said there is a lot of fraud taking place. But as long as your friend account is OK you should see this soon - she said usually it posts before the date. my coworker is a local student and she scan it for me - i do not know how to use the scanner very well but the yourng people do. hahah

i ask her if your friend has to take the receipt to the bank and she said that is silly, the money will just appear in the account even if you do not have a receipt. She say they are trying to go paperless and they do not usually give receipts but because this transaction had troupble yesterday she did something special to make a receipt.

i am going to a lot of trouble for you my husband. the money here is the $8000 for you. I did not want to cancel the whole transcation because it wourld take longer for this to get to you. your friend wife is his problem now. i am still mad about the shoes so we will have to talke about that again.

i do love you my particular husband. please promise me you will not think too hard this weekend but get a lot of rest, ok? xoxoxo
your wife
K

One clear part of the receipt was the remaining balance of nearly $93k USD left in the account. At the bottom of the receipt, it encourages people to seek a DUI account for retirement, which is a US penal code for Driving Under the Influence. May his greed blind him to the slight Photoshop transgressions...

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:13 pm

Receipt passed muster. Happy lad is happy:

Quote:

Oh baby I promise I will not think too hard....thank you so much honey I really appreciate your love and careering. You are the air that I breath, the sun that shines on my face, the food that feeds me, and the spirit that sets my soul on fire. You are my loving man forever and always.I love you this I know for sure. You are my hope, my dreams and all my wishes rolled up in one.
Baby which one of the account did you use? Is it the first one I gave to you or the last one?

hi baby, i am heading home now with a headache and will probably sleep early tonight. i use the second account you gave me becoz the first did not work. the routing number is on the receipt baby just look to see which one it is. they list the last 4 digits in the TO line, account ending in 6104.

have a good night my peculiar husband. your ever loving boo, k
xoxoxoxo

I hope he goes on a spending spree this weekend! Twisted Evil

ETA

Quote:

Omg, honey am sorry to hear that u have headache please when u get home make sure u take ur med and take a rest so u can get better recovery tomorrow.
Remember always that I am here. Your skin, your bones, your body may be far away, but your love is not where you are...I love you today as I have from the start and I'll love you forever with all of my heart. You truly are the one God meant for me.

Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 12:15 am

Thanks for the props Kitty!

This bait is cracking me up!! Laughing

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