Eater's Poetry Club

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Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:50 am

Due to popular request (read: TheFae and GTMama saying in the VD thread that my poem from the past was good) I decided to try my hand at it again last night. But, to make amends to the old crew for forcing them to accidentally read that drivel again, I decided to do something differently this time.

So I stol...too...err, borrowed some already existing songs and plagi...err, remastered them a little to fit the baiting environment better. So without further ado I give you: Duckling Poetry Inc. Ltd. inspired (this time) by Green Day.

Quote:

My business is going down

Original: Green Day – Letterbomb.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIpFmAv74X4

All empty inbox,
All magas left me,
Just jokers here pulling,
My leg...

Where have all my magas gone?
Now they're all just telling me to scram!
The mule is getting out of the net,
He's not collecting my fake checks,
And emails me: "Fuck you, this is scam!"

Where have all my profits gone?
I can't get even in the fanciest club!
The MTCN did not work,
I got a crappy fake passport,
I'll just strike the match and light it up!

My rich client believed in the deal,
But now he's guessed that I'm not real!
The cops are knocking on my door,
They're restraining me on the floor!

My whole business is going down,
No escape, it's now too late!
My bros got caught,
I'm wanted for fraud!
No escape, it's now too late!

There's no script left to send...

Where will all attorneys go,
When the RSOTs fail?
And where will I go when I'm out of jail?

Must watch my back...

I'm not the president of Nigeria,
The inheritance is a figment of,
My dreams and site building toy,
I'm really just a poor small boy!

My whole business is going down,
But I've found a maga to make my day!
My bros got caught,
I'm wanted for fraud!
But I can still make her pay!

She said "meet me in next town",
I'm coming by the train.
Then she said "sorry, can't make it there",
I'm stranded in the rain...

Quote:

Barrister

Original: Green Day – Shoplifter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9USSu3hrz8

Barrister, you're in slammer,
If you send that email.
Barrister, you're just scammer,
And you're just doomed to fail.

It's NOK, like every day,
We all have seen it now.
No way in hell it's gonna pay,
We all know it's a fraud!

When you're copying and pasting,
You're educated and have class.
But after time wasting,
Run out of script and turn into an ass!

Barrister, look at yourself,
And tell us what you see?
Not a banker or a reverend,
Just a small time prison queen.

When you're copying and pasting,
You're educated and have class.
But after time wasting,
Run out of script and turn into an ass!

Barrister, you're in slammer,
You still sent that email.
Barrister, you're just scammer,
And were always doomed to fail.

Creative moments are fun. Very Happy

Possibly more to follow if only I manage to evade the inevitable ban for subjecting you to Green Day. That being said, I'm open for suggestions from anyone with a better taste for music than mine.

ETA: Changed the title to a more proper one thanks to Yastreb. Now proudly introducing: Eater's Poetry Club. Members: 2 and growing fast.

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:53 am

Standing ovation! Duckling, nothing wrong with Greenday or your verse.

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:06 am

^^
Thanks, Cap. As a non-native speaker it means a lot to hear from you that my rhyming didn't break the universe. Green Day is pretty easy, though, because even all their original songs don't always rhyme perfectly, and I'm trying to maintain at least some of the original song's style.

Another one for our lovely site killing crew:

Quote:

Ha ha, You're Nuked

Original: Green Day – Ha ha, You're Dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbDN8FxMGEg

When was the last time you saw daylight?
Building your website with all your might.
Sweating and swearing, at last you're done!
Just you wait, it's all soon gone.

'Cause I have found you again,
And I'll be messing up your nest,
Because that's what I do the best,
And I'm reporting, I'm reporting...

How many people did you fool,
With your fancy little tool?
I can see through it, 'cause it's a cheap fake,
Like your old one's second take.

'Cause I have found you again,
And I'll be messing up your nest,
Because that's what I do the best,
And I'm reporting...

Ha ha, you're nuked,
You're gone for good!
Whatever it cost,
It's all now lost!

When your site is in the bag,
I'll go out and add a flag.
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked!

Ha ha, you're nuked,
You're gone for good!
Whatever it cost,
It's all now lost!

When your site is in the bag,
I'll go out and add a flag.
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked!

Ha ha, you're nuked,
Your scam is gone!
You think it's over,
But I'm not done!

As you're building a new site,
I'm here setting it alight.
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked,
You're nuked, again!

Ha ha, you're nuked,
You're gonna get nuked,
And have your trip to jail booked.
Ha ha, you're nuked,
Ha ha, you're nuked,
You're nuked, again!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

I wish those replying to scam emails could realise they're walking the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:10 pm

Quote:

There's No Hotel

Original: Green Day – Fell For You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7scopEG4Sw

I wake up with a blank stare,
First I think it's just nightmare,
I'm face down on Accra's street,
Feel the kiss of the wet concrete.

Why did you tell,
That there's hotel,
A room for me,
And all for free?!

I red your story, that you're heiress and it felt so real,
I rubbed my hands, invited you here for it all to steal.
I spent the night at the airport waiting,
In the morning you called me narrating:
You had to land,
In a distant land,
So crumbled all my plans like sand.

I'm coming there with an old truck,
Halfway there I'm out of luck,
It breaks down and I'm left in there,
To spend my money on a taxi fare.

But there's no hotel,
Just what the hell?!
And where are you?
Wasn't any of this true?!

I red your story, that you're heiress and it felt so real,
I rubbed my hands, invited you here for it all to steal.
I'll spend the nights looking for a shelter,
And the mornings begging for a morsel.
I want to go,
Go back to home,
I'm stranded and I'm reaping what I've sown.

I red your story, that you're heiress and it felt so real,
I rubbed my hands, invited you here for it all to steal,
For it all to steal, for it all to steal...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 11 Jan 2014 Posts: 688

I say it as I find, if I find something to be "off" I try to say, politely at first, becoming more direct if and when the subject warrants. I am also a firm believer in credit, where it is due.

This poetry is nowt short of genius!

I applaud you Sir!

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:13 pm

Quote:

THE TEARS OF A LAD

(Original; The Tears of a Clown by Smoky Robinson and the Miracles)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zww7FQILQec

Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there trying to fool the mugu
But when it comes down to fooling you
Nothing works not even voodoo

But don't let my smug expression
Give you the wrong impression
Really I'm sad, oh sadder than sad
No payday, I'm hurting so bad
To save face I pretend to be glad

Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a Lad
When a maga turns bad

My broda, if I seem to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
In order to shield my pride I try
To hide this chop with a show of gladness

But don't let my show convince you
That I've been fooling all the mugus
I need money, I want you to know
For yahoo bois I put on a show

Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a Lad
When a maga turns bad, oh yeah

Just like Rev Kwame did
I try to keep my sadness hid
Smiling in the public eye
But in my lonely room
I cry the tears of a Lad
When a maga turns bad
Oh, my broda

Now if there's a smile upon my face
Don't let my smug expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let the smile that you see
Make you think that I’m making money
Really I'm poor, I can’t take any more

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:26 am

Quote:

Lads On Safari

From America - Lonely People
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsbESyfyL-0

This is for Lads gone on Safari
Thinking they’ve found their pot of gold
Keep them going to Abeche
Let them wander in the cold

This is for Lads gone to that chapel
Who won’t go up that final hill
Give them scorn and call them lazy
Make them doubt their scamming skill

Well, he’s on the way
Yes, he’s left today
Well, he’s on his way to hell (dipshit!)

This is for Lads gone on Safari
Thinking they’ve found their pot of gold
Keep them going to Abeche
Lost and drifting on endless safari
Safari baits can ne’er grow old

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 10:32 am

Awesome Yastreb clapping

I'm updating the thread title accordingly.

And here's another:

Quote:

99 Little Piggies

Original: Green Day – 99 Revolutions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXRxK2Y7TbU

There's a payment to be made,
A once in a lifetime chance.
"Go to WU", the lad said,
But I have better plans.

Its not the WU or MG,
It's bank only for me,
The account details of this clown,
To save his mules and close it down.

It's 99 little piggies of mine,
99 little piggies of mine...

There's a problem along the way,
The transfer didn't go through.
A new account, what do you say?
I swear, lad, this time it's true!

I'm a good maga, I do what I'm told,
I promise, I will pay!
Just one more piggy to fold,
Just one, lad, and I'll send the cash today!

It's 99 little piggies of mine,
99 little piggies of mine...

The bacon smells so great,
When your emails keep getting fouler.
And sure, my day is made,
When I see you sinking lower and lower,
Game over!

It's 99 little piggies of mine,
99 little piggies of mine...

More, more, and more!
One more...

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 11:22 am

Bravo! Great stuff! All my creativity is tied up with the love lads

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:12 pm

These are great!

Have you heard the song "Nothin' on You"? Every time I hear it, it makes me laugh, because it sounds exactly like what the lads say. Well, okay, slightly better grammar. But only slightly Very Happy

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bob/nothinonyou.html

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:10 am

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:14 am

Why do we need a Pottery Club?

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:26 am

^OP, go play in your waders or whatever it is you wear when you pull innocent fish out from under ice! Laughing

This is outstanding. Duckster, Yastreb, more please. clapping

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 6:51 am

redo wrote:

Have you heard the song "Nothin' on You"? Every time I hear it, it makes me laugh, because it sounds exactly like what the lads say. Well, okay, slightly better grammar. But only slightly Very Happy

I'll have a look at it. Meanwhile, to celebrate the upcoming VD...

Quote:

Can you send the cash today?

Original: Elton John - Can you feel the love tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTtgVSxfr5M

There's a turn of events, an unexpected cost,
So my friend, please help me, or all will be lost.
The bank is asking money, to release the funds to us,
Open up your wallet, brother, please don't make a fuss.

So can you send the cash today?
Use WU please.
If you can, make sure there's no delay,
I promise, no more fees.

So can you send the cash today?
Answer me, please tell.
If you can't, there is another way,
MG will do as well.

I went to get the money, I fooled you, was so proud,
But the clerks, they laughed at me, and said: "Go away!"
So they called the guards, and they threw me out.
Why you played this joke on me, why you ruined my day?!

So did you send the cash today?
Stop ignoring me!
Are you there? Answer, can you hear me, hey?!
Did you pay the fee?!

So can you me of this assure?
I wanna see some proof!
You cannot, and so my blood pressure
Is going through the roof.

It dawns to me, that your excuses so numerous
Mean you're not serious...

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 11:31 am

Quote:

Chop Him
(From Devo's Whip It (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIEVqFB4WUo)

Chop that Lad
Make him curse so bad
Chop him all day.
Spread the word he’s gay

When payday comes around
You must chop him
Before the Lad can get to WU
You must chop him
Don’t sweat the Q&A
You must chop him

Now chop him
Every day
Spread the word
That he’s gay
Drive him loony
Make him swear
When you call him
Early morn
To chop him
Chop him good

When payday comes around
You must chop him
Shrink him down to size
That’s why you chop him
Don’t give him any peace
You must chop him

I say chop him
Chop him good
I say chop him
Chop him good

Chop that Lad
Make him curse so bad
Chop him all day.
Spread the word he’s gay

When payday comes around
You must chop him
Shrink him down to size
That’s why you chop him
Don’t give him any peace
You must chop him

Now chop him
Every day
Spread the word
That he’s gay
Drive him loony
Make him swear
When you call him
Early morn
To chop him
Every day
Spread the word
That he’s gay
Drive him loony
Make him swear
When you call him
Early morn
To chop him
Chop him good

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:33 am

Quote:

Small Boys Never Last

Original: Green Day - Nice Guys Finish Last
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68oibOncNWE

Small boys never last,
They're going down so fast,
That you hardly learn to even know their name.
Small boy, he's a rube,
He's easy enough to dupe,
He doesn't have what it takes to stay in game.

He got the mail and runs to bank, he thinks the jackpot's here,
And he is not expecting me to chop.
His voodoo curses and his tears, oh they're so great to hear:
Small boy, you'll never get to be on the top!

Hey small boy, try again,
You have so much here to gain,
For you a whole lot of pain,
And going insane.

Sending his email,
He's looking for his Grail,
To be rich, he will be using any means.
But there will be others,
Who call themselves "brothers",
And they are out there to always crush his dreams.

There's no honor among the thieves, of that you can be sure,
In this game you do what you need to do.
I'm the big man, I'm the king and you, you're always poor,
Small boy, I go chop your dollar ooo!

Small boy is aghast,
His profits just got slashed,
And so his shining dash,
Ended in a crash.

Look, small boy didn't last,
No girls, no cars, no cash,
And for everyone out there for the fame,
It will end the same.

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 8:08 am

Quote:

TRASHED

(Based on Tenacious D's Tribute (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lK4cX5xGiQ) via a version performed at a LARP)

This is the greatest and best bait in the world.
"Trashed!"
Long time ago, me and my brother Kyle were looking through my catcher account,
When all of a sudden, there loomed a scam email, in the middle of the spam.
And it said!
"Well, I will give you this trunkbox, and bring me to your country"
Well, me and Kyle, we looked at each other, and we each said,
"SAFARI!"
So we fired up our accounts and we got him to travel and it just so happened to be,
The best bait in the world, it was the best bait in the world.
Listen to the calls and it's easy to see, that he’s stredded in a hash country
It was ecstasy.
Once every thousand Lads or so there’s an epic quest with trophies to show, and Eaters gloat.
Needless to say the Lad was stunned, he was stuck in a foreign land, cause he’s been done
And he said, “Oh my god – are you jokers?”
And we said “Nah! We are Gohmers! Chop ON!”

Yes it was – the greatest bait in the world – oh yeah – we sent him to hell!
It was the greatest bait in the world, oh boy!
It was the greatest bait in the world.

And the peculiar thing is this, my friends, the bait we had on that ill-fated Lad – we got him to write this whole story down!
This all True!
You've got to believe me and I wish you’d been were there, just a matter of opinion. - J
Good people, you gotta believe us!
YEAH!

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:16 pm

Dedicated with mentorly love to all our new members from someone who knows exactly what it is to get frustrated when you're new. Keep it up, guys: you're going to do great!

Quote:

Newbie

Original: Green Day – Minority
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vv3lTgGn0mc

I want to be one of the few,
To stop whining, do something new:
The world's full of thieves for me to screw,
So I'm gonna join the baiter crew!

I join the forum, make an username,
So starts my journey on the road,
Into baiting fame!
I go the stickies read,
Some guestbooks also seed,
I grin with glee,
Click CMP,
And go on baiting spree!

'Cause I want to be one of the few,
To stop whining, do something new:
The world's full of thieves for me to screw,
So I'm gonna join the baiter crew!

There's so much to read,
I'm not sure if this is so neat.
But with my mentor's help,
It all becomes clear,
And I don't feel like whelp!

The start, it's hard,
That's the truth to tell.
All the others, they're so good, they're doing it so well!
I crash and burn, my mentor winks to me:
Just try once more,
And don't get sore,
There's more than this to be. Wink

I want to be one of the few,
To stop whining, do something new:
The world's full of thieves for me to screw,
So I'm gonna stay in the baiter crew!

I bait so straight,
One step at a time.
I joined here being sure that I will stop the crime!
But in due time I learn what they mean:
And now I see,
It's not just me,
It's all about the team!

And so I became one of the few,
Who stopped whining, did something new:
And how I love the thieves to screw,
'Cause I'm doing it with the world's best crew!

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:20 pm

There's a reason I can't stop listening to Green Day lately... ♥

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:28 pm

Listening to the original lyrics, I'm more and more convinced that some of those guys must be baiters themselves. It's like half of their songs are in between the lines about us.

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:29 pm

^They are def in the 'zone.' (putting American Idiot in the player now.)

Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 8:10 am

^^
Here, pass me that guitar:

Quote:

Welcome to the Madhouse

Original: Green Day – American Idiot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ViLNw10axU

Are you sick of the world being a bad place?
And to see the police just dropping the case?
If you're one of those people with a clue,
Then come, we have a place here for you!

Welcome to our cozy little madhouse,
Thanks for joining us in our right cause!
If you like it here, you can stay all night.
It may seem as if we're all mad here,
We may be weird, but not shedding a tear,
For we fight the good fight!

Most people do nothing but complain:
They see us, they think we're insane.
Vigilantes, loonies, they don't give a dang!
But I say, we're one bloody great gang!

The good fight, it's above your petty scoff
It's a thing I, for one, am damn proud of!
So go on, folks, call us what you like!
If you're here not to be a good chap,
If you're here only to spew some crap,
I don't care, take a hike!

You don't see our faces on the paper,
They don't plaster us on a skyscraper.
Stop looking for us in the TV,
Just open the net, come here and see.

They don't show us on Nintendo Gamecube,
Even this song's just a rip off from the Youtube,
But we don't care, we're still OK.
We'll be here now and tomorrow,
Try to create a world with less sorrow,
Hard work pays, as they say.

ETA: Added a refrain.

Posted: Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:11 pm

Quote:

Goat on Sunday

Original: Green Day - Church On Sunday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaLUH7EHXus
(Very loosely based: I just can't wrap my head around the melody).

Today my hard week is done and it's,
Party time!
I showed my total lack of wits,
Living on a crime.
I didn't make any money this week
Again, because my formats reek
I still pretend to be big and go
Some ladies seek!

So have some drugs, this is deep,
I think I found some sheep...
Not sure, can't tell,
It could be mule just as well...

(Next morning)
Last night I was going to have it my way,
It turned into a goat on Sunday!
I can't look, it's old and lame,
Oh the shame!

I wanted to get rich with one click,
Be a big guy.
I wanted to hide that I'm a prick,
And the love for me with money buy.
My glamorous life was all set,
But I lost this bet,
And the tender hooves of a goat is,
All I can ever get.

Posted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:03 pm

Quote:

Kingsley

Original: Green Day – Misery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fp7GttdpXM

Kingsley was a village boy from countryside,
He went to Lagos, enrolled in a school.
His parents, they were filled with pride,
But once their offspring was inside,
He thought to study was not cool.

Kingsley quit the school and one night
He packed up all his stuff and ran.
He knew just how to read and write,
And to solve his self-made blight,
Kingsley turned into a conman.

So he bought an FMT,
Spams it for all to see,
And Kingsley thinks he's gonna be rich.
All the hours in internet,
Are getting him in debt,
Kingsley's sleeping his nights in a ditch,
That little bitch.

Kingsley got a reply to his email,
He thanked God and thought he had hit the gold.
Told his debtors he would not fail,
Was sure he could himself bail,
Kingsley was now getting bold.

Kingsley couldn't wait from the maga to hear,
They also talked for hours on the phone.
When Kingsley thought that all was clear,
The maga did just disappear,
And left Kingsley all alone.

Kingsley writes: "where are you,
Just pay me what is due."
Kingsley thought himself as puppeteer
He tries to flatter and abuse,
But hears no news.
"I'm in trouble, oh God, can you hear?
Don't leave me here..."

The loan sharks came and said it's now his due day,
They said they just want to have a friendly chat.
But they also introduced him a baseball bat,
When they heard that Kingsley could not pay

And his face gets smashed, trashed, bashed,
Then with a knife slashed,
The debtors throw him in a shallow pit.
And he screams "please, help me",
And he tries to get free,
Kingsley didn't know just when to quit
He deserved it.

Quote:

Straight Baits Are Not Lame

Original: Green Day – Deadbeat Holiday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36IbElb9KT0

Sorry, my scanner got fried,
Can't send you passport, tried.
My hamster also died,
And I'm a little daft.
I have always excuses,
They have a thousand uses,
It's nothing more, I confess,
This is me and my craft.

There's no trophies made of wood,
I'm just a boring dude,
But my baits can still be good.

Straight baits are not lame,
They will hurt them all the same.
After months of fun,
The game's end sum,
Is a scammer without a dime.
Straight baits are not lame,
They might have a little less fame,
But an angry lad,
Who has been had,
Will think it twice next time.

"Broken link", "I'm deaf", you name it,
They're all part of our toolkit,
To bait like this you don't need toys,
Just your own sharpened wit.
Aim high and don't be shy,
You want to make the lads cry,
But sometimes simple things too can,
Make them throw a fit.

There's no trophies made of clay,
And it might all look gray
But I just want to say...

[Refrain]