More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote

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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 7:48 pm

lad wrote:

Suite a votre , voici donc les coordonnées du gestionnaire charger de votre dossier sur lesquelles vous irez faire le paiement des 450 Dollars frais d'assurance de votre dossier.

This was followed by someone's name and WU instructions.

I wrote:

Vous êtes une banque, non? En tonces quel est le compte de banque où je dois virer les dollars frais?

Quote:

Followup to yours , so here are the coordinates of the manager charge with your file on which you will be going to make the payment of the 450 Dollars fee of insurance of your file.

Quote:

You are a bank, aren't you? Dan what is the bank account where I have to send the fresh dollars?

frais means both "fresh" (from the Frankish cognate) and "fee" (related to "defray").

Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 10:50 pm

To a Lad who promised that everything I paid to ship his money would be repaid and more:

Quote:

Promises are words written on the wind, and moochers are open mouths that never close.

Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 11:53 pm

In response to why I haven't replied in a few days:

Quote:

Well, I went to this party the other day where I was picked up by a vampire. He had a skeleton take me home. I decided then and there that I needed to drink less, so I've spent the last couple of days in seclusion drying out.

Loosely based off a real life event. I went to a Halloween party, broke a heel dancing, fell over and bumped my head. My friend, who was dressed as a vampire was the one to help me up and to a seat and my husband couldn't find me for a moment because he was talking to someone who offered to get some ice for my head. Later my friend kidded to my husband, "I don't know why I did that when you were right there. Really, I wasn't trying to abduct [Rowan] or anything." Later on he made sure that my hubby, who was dressed as a skeleton, was driving home and not me.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Quote:

Dear Beneficiary

I'm donating $620,000.00 to you. Contact me via my private email at
(*********@qq.com) for further details.
Best Regards,
L******* C***

Quote:

How very kind of you. I could do with some spare cash. Send it by Western Union. please. My bank account was closed down by the FBI

Just in time for Christmas! Laughing

Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2014 11:15 am

A refugee Lad claiming to be Iraqi admitted that his father was a supporter of Saddam Hussein - Mal responded breezily:

Quote:

Not meaning to be cruel, but your old man got what he deserved. It'll be a gorram pleasure to get my hands on his money! Now, what's involved here?

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:57 pm

In response to the 'Bank Manager'

Quote:

and to suggest I traipse around 3 separate Money Gram offices in one day to pay the fee is just tambambling by yourself over your account problem.

(ack't to bobdemol!)

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 8:38 pm

A Lad who keeps calling Cammy "my brother" earned this rebuke:

Quote:

If you call a hot blonde babe "my brother" - you can go fuck your ass with a broomstick!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

My character gave his personal details as being a dog walker, living at "3 The Mall, Westminster, London". This drew this response from the lad:

Quote:

my dear i thing you are not serious

To which he has replied:

Quote:

Madam, Of course I am serious! Why would you think otherwise? I live in a very exclusive part of town, where I am on the household staff of an extremely well-known and important person who has many dogs. It is totally out of the question for me to use her famous address, which happens to be where I have my quarters, so I must use one that is recognised by the postal authorities, but does not breach any of our very strict security rules. It is for this reason, also, that I am unable to divulge my phone number, so I assure you, the address I've given will find me without any trouble, as will my email address, and you need have no fear of the genuine nature of my enquiry.

Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2014 1:35 am

After yet another Dead or Alive? ATM Card request I got bored...

Quote:

But since we are transferring the money thorough a Swift Card, we had our doubt, that was why we are contacting you personally to know if he is saying the truth. If you are not dead as he alleged, please contact Deputy Governor, Financial Sector Surveillance/the card payment center officer Dr. (Fuckwit) with this information.

Reply: Dear Dr (Fuckwit) Alas I can confirm that I am dead so please do transfer my funds directly to Mr Forrest as I am not in need of financial aid anymore. Can you please email me back with a confirmation of the transfer to Mr Forrest so I can rest in peace regarding this matter.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

I became so fed-up trying to make sense of this crap:

Quote:

give the loan faster and more reliable to our customers. And we are
giving thanks for doing business with our loan service,
for you to have faith and believe that this company is real below this
Registration Document Company has to carefully read and understand.
So I want to trust and cooperate with us, I promise,

-and there's a lot more where that came from -

That I decided to reply in like kind:

Quote:

Here is all the inflammation you asked for:

Ph*l*y Ac*lla my email address is same as the one i am utitilisating Bank name is United Bank of Sleepy Hollow Pratts End account no 4576689 and i@ve receptly reconstitated it after a brief interpolatory sojournation for paternity purpose during my recent incarserbation in the Local Registration Document Company Penitentiary who owns the bank is unrecollectable but the manager's name is Buster Edwards it is locationised on the High Street next to the taxidermist and has a green sign over the door which illuminationises up at night but is nonflashable and Pratts End is in Slamdup Wellangud, which is in United Kingdom and I do'nt know the phone number because I always go in personally whenever I'm in town and have a relaxing and rejuveniling cup of coffee with Mr Edwards and his chief clerk Mr Reynolds and Ronnie Kray the man who does the clearing up if there's any problem I've had a verbaceous intercolation of all my archival documentations and I've found an old id card I used to have when I was employed as a sagger maker's bottom knocker in the local gas recycling plant which was consumed by a major conflagoration which devastionised the plant and most of the surrounding domitory conurbations including the local football stadium and that's what sent me deaf

I'll see if Mr Plod who runs the electric store in town can copy it for me and I'll send it to you when I've got it hope this is all in order

Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:30 am

From a product lad

Quote:

We are importer of [blah blah] under wears,seconds,[blah blah]

Sure, I can offer underwear

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thank you so much for your interest in our products. We currently have 2 ranges of our quality used underwear in stock.

The "Justcold" bra and pantie set, worn for 6 weeks straight by a flatulent Redneck and then frozen to keep the "freshness" in.

The "Toomuchfun" easy access range. Covered in interesting stains and open at the rear for ease of access.

Both products are available in the full range of sizes, from XS to XXXXL and we offer discounts for large orders.

Quentin
Worn4U underwear

Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:15 am

I had one wonderful malaproper, who called himself Mrs. M@ry Be@r. It went in the usual direction of a straight bait, with me being the clueless maga, and Mrs. Bear being the more clueless scammer. This comes after two weeks of questions about Western Union and sending the money:

Quote:

I want you to ask your friend where is western union office, and they are going to show you okay, and i want you to know that we are not here to make any delay to our costumes, and you are going to make the payment thought western union okay, .

What other response could there be?

Quote:

That is a great idea! I will go and ask my friend.

Well madam my nearest friend is ten miles away, as I have told you many times I live in a very remote area and there is no direct road to his home. If you want me to go and ask him it will take me all day tomorrow. But I will do as you ask, I guess it will be good exercise for me. So please do not expect any email from me until Saturday as I will return late Thursday and have to rest all of Friday.

You mentioned costumes, that's also a great idea! I will pretend it is halloween and wear a costume. Do you think I should go as a scary ghost, or as a vampire?

I await your reply so that our business can continue.

After a few days of silence [I was trekking through the desert of New Mexico, comes this:

Quote:

Hello Mary,

Well I went to see my friend, as I mentioned it is a long trek, it took me eight hours each way. Finally it is Saturday evening and I have returned.

Unfortunately, you did not tell me what costume I should wear, so I had to make my own choice. I dressed up as a vampire and when I got to my friend's door he saw me in the costume and fainted from fear. I tried to revive him but he was so upset at being frightened that he would not speak to me at all.

So I did not get any information from him at all about Western Union, what it is, or where it is.

So I still do not know where to go.

Please advise on what I should do now.

It's really too bad that like most scammers she was too clueless to play along.

Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 1:31 am

Life was hard in the Soviet Union...

Quote:

My father came to the United States from the Soviet Union with only 5 rubles, his wife and a dream. ...My mother is a housewife. She and my father met when they were imprisoned in a gulag back in the old country and she was servicing the red army.

Quote:

Even when the country was so poor they had to boil snow and shit for their morning coffee...

Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 7:14 am

Cammy was told:

Quote:

a man by name (MR: JOSEPH WALES) came to our office with an
application stating that you gave his the power of attorney to be the
beneficiary of your outstanding contract/Inheritance/award funds.
He made us to believe that you are dead and that he is your next of
kin.

Her response began:

Quote:

That Josey Wales is nothing but an outlaw!

Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 3:53 am

This could go to the Other Thread too but hey am inebriated eh?

Quote:

Moi: Are you an idiot?
Tool: Wy
Moi: You ask stupid questions
And you have a Baby Dick
Tool: Okkk sorry
Moi: More better

Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 3:17 pm

I've been working with a dying widow for going on five months now. She's been silent for a couple of weeks, so I thought I would politely inquire about her health:

Quote:

I write to you to let you know that my passport has finally arrived?

It looks like I will be able to come and visit you soon!!! (assuming, of course, that you have not joined the choir invisible!)

I look forward to hearing from you so I know that you have not yet bit it and are ready to help me plan my trip to the UK.

It turns out you just can't be nice to some people because (for some reason) she was not happy with my tone:

Quote:

As the lord wishes , i am alife and under going my treatment. Its a pity you cannot write to know of situation rather wants to know of my death?

Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 10:03 pm

Well pissed off lad writes:

Quote:

YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST AND I DON;T HAVE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR STORY AFTER 1 WEEK OF SENDING YOU THE ACCOUNT. WE GET TRANSFER FROM OTHER PEOPLE INTO ANY ACCOUNT I SENT TO YOU.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR HAVE NICE TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ANY

I replied

Quote:

Sir, I don't understand this problem with your bank accounts, and I have no family to have a nice time with over Christmas so please can I ask you to be my special friend and adopt me into your own family as we have been emailing each other for 2 weeks now as I think you are a nice person and somebody I can trust and depend on

Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:06 pm

lad wrote:

1, YOUR FULL NAME
2, YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBERS
3, YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
4, A COPY OF YOUR ID

I wrote:

1. <snip>
2. none
3. <snip>
4. I'd need to see a psychiatrist to get that.

Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2014 12:46 pm

The email began:

Quote:

Attention Beneficiary.

Congratulation to you My Good Customer,

First Of All, i want to introduce my self, i am Pastor JOHN WEST ,
the Man Of God among all over the Nation.

Cammy was scornful:

Quote:

I've got better things to do this Yuletide than send moolah to some dingbat who stinks of dead fish and thinks he's the Pope!

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:22 am

In the Even Steven Bait. Ember is a bit confused...

Quote:

Tonight we are visiting Star Trek The Experience and I am so excited! We are dressing up. I am having my ears done like Spork becos I love elves! May the Force be with you Baby!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

to a dying widow who wanted my personal details:

Quote:

OK Unlucky Widow Mary, My names is Paul and I live in London, which is in England, which is in Europe I don't have to work because I'm what we call Filthy Rich because I won the lottery. I'm absolutely rolling in the lovely stuff and it's all mine and soon all your lovely lolly will be mine too. I even use it as toilet paper, my lovely it's a bit scratchy but it's the thought that counts. .Listen, my dying friend I promise you I will take real good care of your money and if you don't want me to wipe my arse with it i won't.

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 11:45 pm

S4tter is Gone with the wind in Love:

Quote:

Dear Rebecca,

I told you I would come to Ghana and escort you here to Michigan but you said I should just wait for you here. Frankly, I don't give a damn. I'm willing to do whichever you would like me to do. Please make a decision so I can plan accordingly.

Love,

S4tter

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:25 am

According to a reverend gentleman

Quote:

I got your details from the deprived refugee after my discussion with the UNHCR Director along side with the MoneyGram Management in Ghana as regard a refugee funds stocked at the money gram system.

Mal was baffled:

Quote:

What "depraved refugee" are you talking about?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Couldn't let this one pass! Lad(ette) to my character on FishMeetFish:

Quote:

Hey Dear,
My name is Angle .....

Me to Ladette:

Quote:

Ur acute. That's very complementary. Let's not be obtuse about this. I'll male you.

Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 9:48 pm

A Lad sent his opening script twice, which annoyed Cammy.

Quote:

I don't give a fuck what they told you in the NLP course - repetition doesn't make me believe.

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