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Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 11:33 pm

After getting a 3rd bank account from my Malaysian lad I was running out of ideas - I could have just ignored his twice a day shouty requests since then regarding the payment but just for the hell of it....

Quote:

Dear Mr Peters

Sorry I have not responded to your emails recently but I feel it is only polite to inform you that I have been offered a better job opportunity with the Kiwi shoe polish company in New Zealand.

Apparently my Kelp Seaweed products are in great demand as the native Kiwi birds there need a high Iodine intake (which the Kelp provides) to ensure their plumage is in prime condition. The feathers from the birds are then harvested, collected together and then sold as footwear dusters which, of course, have an oily base which result in a rich and highly polished finish to any item of leather footwear. The Kiwi polish brand is famous throughout the world.

I have been offered a deal that I cannot refuse so I am afraid that I am no longer interested in your FIFA World Cup Brazil business offer.

I do hope that your business project is a success without my Kelp products.

Regards

Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:08 am

^OK, needed a keyboard warning for that, Mr. Gar. Laughing

Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 2:30 am

At least you tried to kelp ... Very Happy

Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 8:49 pm

I have an ATM scammer that sent me an "Are you Dead?" script. During the corresdondence I couldn't help but commit a spoonerism in this reply:

Quote:

Dear Sir,
What were the names of the men who say I'm dead? I want to understand if I know them. If I find I know them I will prostitute to the fullest extent of the law!!
Regards,

Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 9:52 pm

Some Load Lad with the unfortunate name of Dicksun Nero:

Quote:

Hey there Mr. Dickless,

I am tired of Fiddling around so can you give me your terms for the loan? As you undoubtedly know, Rome didn't burn down in a day but it sure was built in less than one or so I have seen on the Discovery Channel.

I say Sfumato, you say Tomato let's not call the whole thing off,

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 9:25 pm

One of my Darling's lawyers sent me an account which I told him didn't work. He said he wouldn't send another so I told him I would find another lawyer and asked my Darling to get another lawyer. Today I get the same account from the Lawyer using the IBAN rather than just the short account number. (Reported as the IBAN anyway)

So I thought a Slap second hand was in order:

Quote:

Dear H,
I understand that you are not in a good place. I tried to convince Mr. Moy... to send a good account but he's just joking around with us. He sent me the same account as he did previously and tried to tell me it was a new account to send the money to. What an Asshole! Please find a different Lawyer without delay so we can get the paperwork and you can come to the USA as soon as possible.
Love,

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:35 am

As much as we wish it was legal...LOL.

Quote:

Dear Purity,
I am an honest and God fearing person who would not steal a dime from a bandit. I work for a living and I am proud to do it and I am thankful to God for giving me all that I am and own. ok.
Jerome

What Ladette wouldn't trust a Guy like me???

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:30 am

Cammy just asked a Lad lawyer this:

Quote:

But, more importantly - your firm is "Equal Rights and Associates". What's your record in supporting the rights of gay citizens of Ghana?

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:33 am

From my Indian au pair girl to a travel agency that want to use a personal bank account.

Quote:

My uncle says that you are having the IQ of a retarded mongoose.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

The (well-known British Bank) Lottery lad wanted me to send him some personal details:

Quote:

Names:
Address:
Country:
Mobile No:
Age:
Sex:
Passport Size Photo:
Valid Identity Card:

So, in a moment of unbridled madness, I sent him this:

Quote:

OK so thrilled. And to think I dumped you and switched to B******s because you're a load of dirty shysters. Funny how things work out, isn't it? Are you not dirty shysters anymore? You used to be.

OK, here are my names and dresses, but you not getting Passport size photo. It not necessary

Bu$ter H1ghmen
Flat 4, Bateham Hall,19 Lesby Avenue, United Kingdom of England Wales and Northern Ireland, but not Scotland cos they want independence and they're welcome to it.
Don't have a mobile phone got no use for it and they're bloody awful inventions people keep wanting to talk to you
Old enough to be your granddad, sonny boy
What, at my age?
Like I said, you can go whistle for one of these. Not going all the way into town to spend 5 quid on a mug-shot so you lot can laugh at my deformity. Tell you what, my bus-pass has got a photo on it. Shall I send you a copy?
Don't need one. I can still remember who I am

I wonder if I'll live to regret it ......

***********************************************

EDIT: Can't believe this ... he wants a copy of my bus pass

***********************************************

Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:46 pm

Ahmastin Geebougah wrote:

Bateham Hall

mi laikim

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Quote:

Hello,

We receive your mail and the contact was well noted. we want you to know that will can also send you a quack so that you can collect the money in any post office i don't know if you will love that kind of transfer so that you can have the money in cash okay get back to us so that will can send you your loan amount in your door step okay

Well ........

Quote:

Thanks Duckie. Please do

........ wouldn't you?

EDIT:

Quote:

get back to us so that will can send you your loan amount in your door step okay

Will's out of envelopes again

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 11:49 pm

Sent to one of my Darlings barristers:

Quote:

Dear Sir,
Option your options. I will not send money by Western Union.
Regards,
Jerome

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

I think I've blown this one Confused

Loan Lad:

Quote:

Hello,

I want you to know that we are located in London,United Kingdom and we
are approved and Registered Loan Company, I have attach our company
registration document for you to see and Below is our company address
ok.

financial institution Address: 14 Charterhouse Buildings, Goswell Road
London EC1M 7BA United Kingdom.

financial institution Phone Number : +447031903488

Me:

Quote:

That's really handy. I work just round the corner in Old Street. On Monday, I'll check you out at Companies House in City Road. Then I'll walk down and come in to see you and we can finish the business. I prefer tea to coffee and I don't eat biscuits, but love Jaffa Cakes. Will 11am suit you?

Edit: He's just told me he will be busy with Board meetings on Monday. I think I can make this last a long, long time

Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:51 pm

Sent to Sun Trust Bank:

Quote:

>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?
>Hunh?

Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:27 am

I gave up on my Togo lad after 3 bank accounts but for the last 2 weeks he has been pestering me so I explained to him....

Quote:

My bank manager told me the account had been closed from accepting monies being paid into it.

This has caused me great embarrassment at my bank because they think I am dealing with untruthful people and my bank manager may not want to play golf with me anymore, which of course will also jeopardize my application into the Freemasons next month in which he is Chief Tickler of the Ferret.

Looking forwards to my 4th bank account from him Smile

Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:05 am

I’ve been copy and pasting existentialism comments to a recovery lad.

Quote:

Bananas are great, as I believe them to be the only known cure for existential dread. Also, Mother Teresa said that in India, a woman dying in the street will share her banana with anyone who needs it, whereas in America, people amass and hoard as many bananas as they can to sell for an exorbitant profit. So half of them go bad, anyway.

Dennis Matthews replies

Quote:

Mrs Dxxxx Cxxxx,

What is the talk about bananas here?

Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 12:07 pm

^^ as a follow up I sent

Quote:

There is no shorter path for joining a neutral existential anthropology, according to philosophy, with the existential decision before God, according to the Bible.

Dennis replied on Easter Sunday!

Quote:

I know all that because I am also a pastor in my church so I can even
teach you better.

So are you ready for your funds or not?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

For my hobby collect things. I have huge collection of historical nail clippings. Once in my country the rich people in big houses would save up all the nail clippings from there sons and the hair clippings from there daughters. Much of the daughter hairs became wigs but nobody had any use for the nails of the sons so they were stored in cigar boxes. There are many nail clips that are much hunted down because they are from famous people. I have a beautiful Winston Churchill big toe and a tiny little clip from Queen Victoria maybe this from her thumb when she was tiny baby. Can't be shore. Best one I have is a whole hand from some person in Saudi Arabia this is mounted on a board.

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:17 pm

My character is mad at my lad at the moment.

Lad wrote:

HELLO ROXY,

CAN YOU PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK NOW.

Roxy wrote:

NO

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:51 pm

Remember the Tintin-themed bait? The Lad has turned it into a relief fund scam - including this bit:

Quote:

... the Children’s Medical Center is a public hospital and land has been occupying by our people and the owner of the land is now asking us to pay for the land. and no fund for health... Sir the medical of this place is very bad that is why we need your donation. the medical people over here are really trying there best but they explain about fund to buy more drugs...

Mal was dismissive:

Quote:

Well, tell that shithead land owner that he can be paid in steel or FMJ lead up his greedy ass, and tell those fucking drug-selling profiteers they get the same deal if they don't give the medicines over right now

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:52 am

Meanwhile, oldies but goldies:

Lad:

Quote:

I write this email to inform you that if you are not willing to participate in this transaction
i will glad if you send me a letter of withdrawl so i can change you from the beneficary of the inheritance fund .

Mal:

Quote:

I'm happy to withdraw - it's a pity that your father didn't.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

I've just sent this to a loan lad who gets extremely annoyed by mugu who won't cough up ID and bank details, but keep badgering him for his. Now standing by for yet another example of his hilariously furious reaction. (See my signature line).

Quote:

Only 1 ID I have is that I got when I working foreign thirty years ago. Now my looks not same and ID card now faded. Also, It in Arabic words, so could mean anything. If you want copy OK I will get friend to make scan, but maybe it will not being right for you.

Maybe best way for speeding this is I go to my bank thay transfer fee to your bank. My bank details and fee now in your bank which then prove good my ID. All then OK for loan? Sorry for bad English.

Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 8:58 am

To a romance lad after yet another 30 line block of text declaring his love

Quote:

Trust is very important in a relationship, and so are paragraphs.

Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 4:40 pm

Another romance lad in the middle of the usual copy and paste crap wrote

Quote:

The First Cock Has Crowed,The First Bird Has Sung and The Mornings Are The Most Beautiful Time Of The Day!

Middle aged female "victim" replied

Quote:

Hello my sweet, I always look forward to the the first cock of the morning.

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