Dealing with thick lads

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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:28 pm

Anyone familiar with the BBC Series "Yes, minister"? Well, the head of the civil service uses really long sentences in order to confuse the less than bright Minister. So, what better to answer a lad that writes like this (By the way, Mama Holuder, such a stupid name!)

Quote:

Dear Friend

Good Day

how are you today I holp you are fine with you family,

now listing to me now i am let you that after this delivery fees you will not pay eny money agan and please go to the Western Union and tell them to printe out the payment slip for you so that you can send it to me, so just go there and told the Union clerk told like that,and no that no time to west becuse the delivery company agent is so worry for you to recived your check just try your best and make sur as i told you,

thank yours
mr.mama holuder

with this

Quote:

Dear Mama,

I did send the payment to you. Now, are you using updated software? It's possible that if you use less than state-of-the-art technology, you cannot open it, although, even if I'm no computering expert, I can be assured that, in principle, all principal companies, do use it, so please, I'd ask you to, in principle, use modern computers, as far as you can find them so that you can complete this deal. Understood?
Regards.
Allen.

Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:12 pm

Try this version for size.

Quote:

I did indeed send the requested monies to you at the first available opportunity. Now, it is vitally important that you utilise the most advanced, state of the art software, or the attachment will be inaccessible to you. Should you be in possession of antiquated or imperfect technology, you will find that to be the case, although, given my lack of expertise in cybertechnology, I can be assured that, in principle, all principal companies, do utilise said technology, so therefore I request that you in principle, use the most modern computers, insofar as far as you are able to locate them so that you can bring this transaction to a satisfactory resolution. Now have I made myself abundantly clear, or must I resort to a more basic mode of expression?

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:25 am

I think, after some consideration, that I shall indeed be obliged to begin, (after making the proper arrangements, of course), baiting lads, (that is to say, 419 or "advanced fee fraud" scammers), with a new character, (who may not necessarily be new to fans of a TV programme called Yes Minister, but may indeed be new to non-Anglophiles), called Sir Humphrey Appleby, named of course, after the famous fictional character of that name from the aforementioned programme. I anticipate that the lads will have no idea what to make of Sir Humphrey's circumlocutions, paraphrases, and brazen lies.

Translation for everyone else: I might start a new baiting character named after a character from 1980s British TV. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

^^^Benny Hill? Laughing

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:27 am

@NV I was on the same page but I had Hyancinth Bucket in mind....

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:37 am

Maybe I'll even start an idiot MP character named Jim Hacker.

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 10:36 pm

Big X wrote:

Maybe I'll even start an idiot MP character named Jim Hacker.

Not a bad idea. Perhaps also an ironic, childish-yet witty one called Bertrand Woolley.

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:37 pm

^Not meaning to be pedantic, but the name was Bernard Woolley.

Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:45 pm

^ We're talking about Yes Minister. Being pedantic is practically required.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 12:25 am

^ I know - "Not meaning to be pedantic, Minister, but..." was Bernard's catchphrase.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 4:12 am

Nothing like good dose of Yes Minister or even Yes Prime Minister. Even after all these years I still keel over laughing at both series.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:23 pm

Yastreb wrote:

^Not meaning to be pedantic, but the name was Bernard Woolley.

Whoops, true.

Baiting Guru Joined: 21 Nov 2010 Posts: 2200

Quote:

I think, after some consideration, that I shall indeed be obliged to begin, (after making the proper arrangements, of course), baiting lads, (that is to say, 419 or "advanced fee fraud" scammers), with a new character, (who may not necessarily be new to fans of a TV programme called Yes Minister, but may indeed be new to non-Anglophiles), called Sir Humphrey Appleby, named of course, after the famous fictional character of that name from the aforementioned programme. I anticipate that the lads will have no idea what to make of Sir Humphrey's circumlocutions, paraphrases, and brazen lies.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 8:31 pm

next victim wrote:

^^^Benny Hill? Laughing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAiq1xKF38k