My Sarah

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Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:12 pm

As some of you have read, I have been picking on a particularly tenacious Senagalese Lad for quite some time. The threads can be found here:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=221466

Sadly my Darling stopped responding to my messages so I did what any other Baiter would do; began all over again from a different account. Sarah is now hooked but I have yet to really push her to the point of exasperation. This Lad hates to be ignored or to answer the simplest of questions. Just his luck that I stepped into his life:

Quote:

How are you? I am still worried about your silent,or are you that much busy? Did you email the bank through the given email address that I indicated to you?

I reply with a bunch of blah blah blah about my weekend at the cottage and so forth. Sarah ignores it and presses on:

Quote:

Thanks for caring and concern, I and my sister aren't feeling to well and comfortable over,we are highly suffering tribulation here. Please do act fast on this so that we could get of this ugly place and God will surely reward you for taking care of orphans like us. Do let me know when you hear from the bank.

Since I'm waiting to hear back from the Bankers, I ask Sarah to tell me about herself:

Quote:

Alright, these are little about my likes and dislikes
LIKES:Sports- Football/Soccer,Basketball,Baseball,Volleyball,Tennis,Table tennis,Golf,Car racing,Cycling,Swimming,Gymnast
LIKES:Music/Movies- Blues,Pop,Country,Reggae,Gospel,Soul/ Films;Horror,Animal Documentary,Comedy,Drama,Action,Detective
LIKES: Honesty,Truthfulness,Reliability,Care and Love mindedness,Neatness,Good listener,Hardworking,Industriousness

DISLIKES:Music/Movies- Hip-hop,Rap,Rock "n" Roll/ Films; Porn, Wrestling,Karat,War,Thriller
DISLIKES: Liar,Uncaring,Absent-mindedness,Laziness,Evil Person,Wicked Person.Unreasonable Doubter,Foolish Thinker

More in a bit. Coffee time....

Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:58 pm

Okay I'm back....Now where was I? Oh yeah now I remember. I decided to slow things down a bit more as the weekend was coming up:

Quote:

I've got some news for you although you may not be happy about it. These bankers want 2,400 pounds in order to transfer the money! That seems ridiculously high to me. What do you think?

This particular Lad always takes his sweet time when replying so this simple reply buys me a couple days and by then its the weekend and so on:

Quote:

I myself was surprised due to cost charged of you by the bank officials. But I informed the Reverend Father about it and he said that's the main procedures that even here in Africa might cost higher but he added that it depends on the amount deposit that's to be transacted or transferred from one bank to another. You know that banks are usually unhappy when it comes to customer retrieving his or her money from their bank and transferring it to another bank. But my dear please is there anythings that you can do about it? At least so that the bank won't think we are incapable of handling this transfer issue? And Once this transfer is completed you,my sister and I will forever remain happier than ever because our story would change by the time we achieved this goal. Please help us out so that this transaction might be concluded by next week okay.

That gives me an idea! Lets see what Sarah thinks of this:

Quote:

My strategy with the bank is this: I will have the money transferred
into my account in their Bank. That way, the banker will not be upset
that such a large amount of money is leaving their institution. All I
have to do is set up an account with them and do the transfer. There
should be absolutely no costs whatsoever. Brilliant aren't I? I'll
get in touch with them after the weekend.

This is win win in my books. Sarah on the other hand doesn't really embrace my 'brilliant' strategy:

Quote:

Alright you may go on contacting the bank for bank ac opening with them,but I don't really think that will make the bank transact the money so easily and free of charge and perhaps they may still demand of you some paper-work,the legal authoritative paper-work to back up the claim, because the said fund isn't yours in the first place, again the real depositor which is my late.father Dr.ADAMS EDGARD is no more and I the apparent heir to fund isn't within the reach to the bankers,so I'm afraid that they might not possibly anchor to your demand after opening an account with them and they'd prolong the process. So think twice before carrying out your plans on this,I would advice you comply with their demands and instructions and once this is setteled you stand to benefit hugely so stop panicking okay.

Sadly I forgot to think twice before contacting the bank. Oh well. Nobodys perfect! Sarah decides to take another approach:

Quote:

I am in a deeper mess now as my younger sister felt serousely sick on Saturday night about 3days ago and ever since then she's been hospitalized and the major problem here is that she runs blood shortage and needs external blood to revive her. And her blood group type is (O+) it's rather unfortunate that I can donate blood to her because my blood type is (A+) I can receive from her but I can't to her as she has the same blood group with that of our (late) father while I have the same blood group with that of our (late)Mother. So you how the matter at hand now looks very crucial and complicated.

I need at least $200 to $300 as quick as possible to enable us go to another Health Centre for the (O+)blood type because the hospital where my sister is admitted right now, said that they don't have such blood type in their BLOOD BANK. Please help save my sister's life she is all that I have left now,I hope that I have already explained to you the story and the circumstances surrounding us. Had it been you had quickened with the transfer of the fund I don't think this would have been a much issue,but all thesame I am not blaming you for anything here because you seem to be a busy man. Now am counting on you please don't disappoint me as God,the Rev.Father and You are our only hope now and the Rev.Father Mark Godwin is doing his best because he just returned from a trip from another region where he foresaw the welfare of the needies over there and he runs short of money now please help me. Send the money to SENEGAL through the Reverend.Father's name here Mark Godwin either by western union or moneygram according to him he said that's the cheapest, easiest and fastest means of sending money worldwide. Please remember this is a matter of Live "n" Death so don't it for granted please.

Aw Crap! I didn't know it was a matter of Live "n" Death. I had better get on with it then:

Quote:

Hi Sarah,

Such terrible news about your Sweet Sister. Please pass on my regards and prayers.

I have contacted the Bank with my brilliant plan and am expecting to hear from them shortly. The only hold up that i can foresee is that they are Scottish and we all know how they are. My Grand Pappy always said: Deep Pockets, Really Short Arms."

Regarding this Weter Union Bank; I've heard of it but I don't know if there is one close by to here. Couldn't I mail you a check or something? Please my Dearest tell me what to do!

I have just sent the above so I probably won't hear anything before Wednesday morning. With any luck, Sarah should begin her usual rants.

Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:35 pm

Sarah gets back to me much sooner than expected. I am itching to reply but will pretend that I'm all experienced and grown up like and restrain myself (for now). I do believe I am in love with this lad! Does that constitute hugging? Maybe he is a she and is real hot looking and her sister is even hotter than her kinda thing going on. It could happen right? Okay maybe not back to salt mines with me:

Quote:

Hi dear,
No you can't e-mail me a check as it would take long process.Please check I believe there would be agent branches of Western Union and Moneygram money transfer as it's very common,I mean very popular here in Africa.Thanks. Please my sister is dying.

Regards,
Sarah.

Note to self: Refrain from posting whilst goofed on skunk weed.

419Eater is my life Joined: 07 Feb 2012 Posts: 438

I've read before that senegalese lads can be especially lazy and stubborn, but best of luck!

Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 5:38 pm

^Personally I just like pissing this particular lad off. I act like this around home too especially when my wife asks me to do girly stuff like cut firewood or shingle a roof.

Sadly Sarah is remaining rather calm:

Quote:

Hi dear,
You know I wouldn't what particular documentation the bank woud be needing unless they mention it specifically to us,you should bankers better because they're sometimes making things more complex for their customers out there. But I believe that if they need a particular document or documents they surely come up it specifically,let's they consider our situation meanwhile you have to keep on doing your best in that regard because I strongly believe that if you can meet up with their needs they won't delay any much. Again please am still impatiently waiting to receive from you concerning the money which is needed urgently to save my younger sister's life please and please do your best continually.

I'll have to have a few shots of writing fluid before I tackle the next phase. Tis a shame that they banned drinking at work. My creativity has suffered greatly.

Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:34 pm

After a couple beers and bit of Barolo I decided to step it up a notch. Hope I haven't taken it too far(Heh):

Quote:

/Hi my Sarah,

I wasn't able to locate one of those Banks today but will try harder on Thursday. Work has really been very demanding as of late. How is your Sister holding up? I want so much to help her and figured that this would have been so much easier than this. Please bear with me, all will get straightened out in short order. If you could forward me her Doctor's bills, I could get my lawyer to draw up the necessary paperwork. He could also assist us in recovering your money. Does that sound like a good plan?

I think I get what you are saying here about the documents. It's just that I thought you might have your Father's death certificate and other related papers in your possession. With these, I assumed that the cost of the transfer would be considerably less.

These Scottish Bankers did contact me eventually, my Dearest, although their approach was somewhat unorthodox to say the least. Besides being confusing, these Bairns were also very vague. Could this be due to my English heritage? Perhaps they know of my association with the local Hadrian Society? We are very popular around my neck of the woods I must say. Seeing us in all of our splendor swaddled in Genuine Saskatchewan Seal Skin is a thrill that many don't soon forget.

Sorry for getting off track Sarah. I simply would not want to have to deal with a bunch of Racialists. That would be absolutely horrible in my books. Efter a that work a was rich pugged if you ken?

I will be in touch when I hear back from the Bankers,

John

PS - Do you any photographs of your Sister? I would love to see what she looks like.

I hope this does it. Perhaps after a few good rants I'll actually plan a bait with this Lad and have some real fun! Oh perish the thought....

Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:04 pm

Still not exactly what I was looking for:

Quote:

Hi dear,
Yes I do have the Death Certificate of my late father and Deposit/Account Statement Certificate and I have informed the bank management about while revealing to them my intention and desire to present somebody to them to represent me for the claim. But,what I don't know is if they would still demand it from you as ensure that you're truly from me. You often talk about the Scottish did or do you have anything against them? You know they not to be blamed for being strict in their profession because it involves huge amount of money here. As for involving your Lawyer in this issue it's but provided he won't have an Eagle's Eye over the fund and moreover you trust him/her right? Concerning my sister she's lying unconsciously here in the hospital,am eager to receive from you today as you had said regarding the money. Please the Western Union or Moneygram agencies should'nt be found wanting as big and developed as your Country is. The main hospital bill has not been incurred,I'll let you once I hear from the medical accountant. Thanks for caring and being there for us.

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 10:40 am

LMAO! I love reading your baits.

So tell me: did you do something against the Scots? Were you the one who defiled Nessie?

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 11:09 am

^I went to Scotland with my new bride seventeen years ago to meet her family. We were taken out to a fine Manor in the country where we were wined and dined (and drank and drank....). I didn't realize it at the time but my wonderful in laws had decided to get the new guy absolutely shit faced. And man did they get me polluted. I have never been that sick and I will never forgive or forget what they did to me. Damn them!!!! As luck would have it, however, I left every last one in a puddle of their own doing as I can stand with the best of them. This past summer the clan met yet again and it was a much quieter affair and although there a few drams consumed, they had definitely learned their lesson.

But enough about those crazy Scots; lets pick on a Senagalese lad:

Quote:

Hi there Sarah,

I finally found that Werstern Union,place but it was closed for renovations. It was just a dingy little place at the back of the place where they produce the Fingerhut Catalogue. You know the one that sells all kinds of DooDads and nose hair trimmers and the like? Anyway I'm not sure what to do now. If you'd let me mail a check to you like I was Gunna do this would have been a done deal by now. What are we suppose to do now? Please Darling I need your help and I need it bad!

Sorry about the Scottish thing Sarah; it's just that they have been known to do all kinds of dastardly things in the past. You must remember how that Robert the Bruce Fellah treated that poor Australian Bloke don't you? From what I remember that changed him into a Racialist too. And don't get me started on those Campbell's. Ever since they got involved in that Glencoe thing I have nary a good thing to say about them. Sorry for venting Darling I'll try to be a bit more civil to these Bankers Okay.

Speaking of the Bankers, they still want over two thousand Pounds for this money transfer. It just doesn't seem quite right to me is all. That is way too much cash for a simple proceedure if you know what I mean? Please I need some direction here!

I am sorry to hear about your poor sister. Honestly I am doing what I can but have been getting hit by roadblocks at every turn. There has to be a solution to our problems Sarah and I know you are the right person to suggest it.

PS - I'll hold off on the Lawyer for now as that would just be an additional expense.

I thought that might do it but no such luck. It seems they are ready to barter:

Quote:

Hi dear once again,
Regarding the bankers,why don't you inform them how much that you have at hand now that you can affrod and maybe they would consider us? Ask you to send it so that can commence the procedures of the money transfer? I think this would be a better idea.
Regards,
Sarah.

I am pretty sure I can insult their sense of pride and dignity by offering up a mere pittance but you never know.

Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:29 pm

I'm starting to think that Sarah won't snap as intended. Very discouraging I must say. Oh well I might as well keep at it:

Quote:

Hi My Sarah,

Thank you for the excellent advice. I have just contacted these
Scotsmen and have asked if the money can be deducted from the Six
Million Euros! Without your help I would have never thought of it!
Great to have someone like you on my side I must say.

Regarding the Bankers,however, they do seem to be somewhat aloof and
standoffish in my opinion. Are you sure that it isn't my English
heritage? We Boils have been known to be a Royal pain to the backside
of the Hibernians. Not that I really me any disrespect but sometimes
they treat other like a bunch of Numptys if you know what I mean!
Not very professional in my books.

How is your Sister today? I hope she is improving. Please pass on my
best wishes and I will talk to you soon.

Have a pleasant weekend,

Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2012 11:43 am

Well Sarah still isn't all that upset with my 'inadequacies'. What a shame. She does mention that the good Reverend is getting slightly miffed though:

Quote:

The main issue with check here especially international traveler's cheque or foreign cheque is that banks in this country don't cash out money to the holder anymore due to some fraudlent activities going on around the world the banks here in Africa are more careful than ever according to the Rev.Father so you can still find another MoneyGram or Western Union agents location. again the Rev.Father went on in giving me links and guidelines to give to you on how you can find these money transfer agencies in your country Canada. The Rev.Father is even furious over your delay in finding money transfer agency in your country as big as CANADA is. Because he's very well traveler who have traveled more than 62 countries in the World and he's knowledgable about The Delta Bessborough hotel Saskatoon ,Saskatchewan, Canada ,Midtown Plaza a shopping mall in Downtown Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, Hilton Garden Inn Saskatoon,Sheraton Cavalier Saskatoon Hotel and he said that he doubts what you said that you have been searching for locations of these money transfer agencies in your cities and country and if you truly understand what Western Union or MoneyGram or Ria Money transfer is all about because in such country as developed as Canada can't be lacking such fast money transfer agencies. He gave me these link to give to you for easy finding.
Please remember thats this matter of live and death okay.
Regards,
Sarah

What followed was an itemized list of every WU, MG and RM outlet in Canada. I couldn't believe how many of these outlets actually exist. Even my 'Village' has one that I didn't know about.
So let me get this straight, the Rev. is Furious? I just wonder if he is also of Scottish descent? I guess I will have to find out won't I?
Now the Bankers aren't being all that lenient about the fees as they now need an extra few hundred quid due to the delays. Oh yeah they also will let me pay in installments. A fine bunch I must say!!!!
Lucky for me my case has been upgraded and I'm now to deal with Becky Scott. Aw the poor Lassie....

By the way, I am in no way prejudiced against anyone including Scottish folk. Heck I even have a cat called the Wee Beastie (RL).

Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 2:16 am

So I actually decided that this post was getting a bit 'Racialist' for my liking so I thought what the heck lets be a bit more civil:

Quote:

My Sarah,

I can understand the Reverend's confusion over this matter but why is he involved in this to begin with? Should he be made to mind his own Business? Please help me out here as I am confused. You are the one who told me that our deal should be kept secret but here he is meddling in our private matters. It reminds me of the time that I had to deal with those Asshats Shaggy Rogers and Velma Dinkley! C'mon darling I know you get me here?

My Dearest I so much thank you for giving me this explanation on International Finance! As you know, I am somewhat inexperienced in such things so it's great to have someone like yourself on my side. With this list of possible locations, I am pretty sure that I will be able to find just exactly what we are looking for! It was a shame that the location in my Village was closed for renovations however. I will make it my mission on Monday morning to see what I can do! I promise Darling.

Now regarding those Bankers, I am really not sure how to approach them anymore. They are now requesting a few hundred more Pounds for their services! What exactly is the meaning of this? I do not make a lot of money and they are refusing to take the funds from the Euros all the while adding expenses. I cannot fathom what the difference might be? Can you? Perhaps this Ms. Scott has her own agenda? I wouldn't put it past her being a ...well,let's let that be for now Darling.

My Darling I will be in touch as soon as I can,

I'm not really sure why I decided to involve the bunch from the Mystery Machine but as long as they are not considered ITPs or something to that effect I think it's okay!

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:00 am

The Lad went silent for a bit but the Bank kept at me. Sarah finally did respond:

Quote:

Hi dear,
I am sorry for not have responded to your 3 messages as you might know it's all about my sister's critical health condition that didn't permit to check my mails and since last weekend I have been with her in the hospital as she needs me and I need her too,she's getting medical improvement but there's still a problem as the doctors prescribed some drugs for her but no money to purchase them here and I thought by now you should have done something by sending the money and the information which you used in sending it and you have been promising and promising but are also failing and failing why? Why are you treating my and my sister like this? Do you think if I were in your shoes I wouldn't have done something faster to help? It's because you are not here to see how difficult and terrific the situation is with me and my sister.
That's by the way,I have seen the message content of the bank and am happy at least they have reconsider their decision on the charges initially placed on you. Now you can take it up and provide your personal identifications,your bank account information,your residential address and your phone number and any of your idendity cards and also passport size photos as they demanded of you which I know you can do it today it doesn't cost you anything to scan your passport copies and identity card and forward with other information of yours. And I am still expecting to hear from you,your explanation why you haven't sent the money which you have been promising date of sending? And I told you that I will repay you of every expenditures made on me and my sister so why are you acting like this,does this mean I should not trust you any more or what because you aren't keeping to your word at all here and you knew it? Listen the Rev.Father wasn't interfering he was just being concerned,perhaps he's like a father and even spiritual father to us if you know what I am saying,after he has to be furious because you are going to send the money through his name.
Regards,
Sarah.

I'm still not happy with this. All I really wanted was for Sarah to blow a gasket and go Bananas but all I get is watered down schlock. Oh well, I'm sure that I'll come up with something to stir it up.

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:44 pm

I nearly forgot that I was supposed to send money to Sarah and her fine Sister. Dang there is always something that slips my mind. Best get back to her in short order:

Quote:

Hi there Sarah,

Please do not misconstrue what I have been saying here okay? Since I
have never been exposed to international finance, I have many
questions. I am merely trying to do the best that I can. Have I not
always asked your advice during these proceedings? How can you
possibly take that as being untrustworthy? You should probably
apologize to me before I get any more upset.

Regarding the Rev. Father, I understand that he has your best
interests in mind but I have been told from day one that you wanted
this to be kept secret haven't you? Having another person involved in
this transaction, Scottish or not, just complicates matters doesn't?
He isn't Scottish is he? I hope not!

Since I don't have access to a large amount of money My Dear, what do
you suggest I do here? I have been trying to sort out what these
MacHaggis folks are asking for and would simply like to know the best
approach. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see you and
your lovely Sister out of harms way. On another note, can you forward
me the bill from the Doctor? Perhaps I can take care of that part at
least assuming he isn't a complete Quack like that one who 'took care'
of Mrs Macbeth so long ago.

Anyhow Darling I hope to hear from you soon,

C'mon Lad Rant!!!!

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:30 pm

Sarah is still somewhat reserved although she did send this three times:

Quote:

Hi dear,
You made me laugh sometimes,you said that I asked you to keep this as secret yes I did anyway,but did I not also tell you about the Rev.Father how helpful and caring he's been to us? Did I not also inform you that he's aware of this transation but due to his ministratial duty can't be involved directly? Mind you I never said you are untrustworthy unless you make yourself one, getting upset is an understatement because I should be the one to be upset and not you on the contrary,this situation that I am facing you don't know it and the issue of this transation been prolonged is all about your delay,and also about the little amount tthat I asked you to lend me so that I can take care of my unconsiouse till date you are unable to meet up,but yet you claimed to be more concerned so how? I thnk you have a real point to prove here why you have delayed so much in sending me the money. Okay let's agree that the money the bank was asking is so high to you,now they have reduced it what are your reaction to it? Always remember that we had a deal that you stand a biger chance of benefiting from our inheritance after it's being transferred to your position so stop acting as if I am beging you to invest your money without return in the end. I have placed a great riches at the plater of gold for you,but your reaction to is seems very apologetic and you expect me to be happy?? Yes, I as well appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness in seeking advices from me regarding the communication between you and the bank but you need do more. I am not making things hard for you dear,but you should also realize our present predicament here.
Regards,
SARAH.

Does that sound like an apology to you? Hmmm she'll hafta work on that I suppose. Plus I never found out if the Great Rev. Furious was a Scotsman or not ( though I bet he is!) All of this is not really working for me...Perhaps I'll have a shot of my Brora (cask strength from 1965) and change tactics here. Actually I think I'll back off and leave this Lad alone. C'mon people can't you see that her Sister is in need? To quote R. D. Mercer:"It ain't Funny".

Well not yet anyway....

Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:38 am

Okay so I am currently wearing some sort of BP Monitor that randomly takes readings. Criminy it is one annoying piece O Crap! Luckily it's only on me for another 19 hours and 29 minutes. Tis a good thing that I have Sarah to keep me calm! Let me see what I can stir up:

Quote:

My Sarah,

Your message is somewhat confusing to me. All along I have been looking for guidance over these matters yet you find this funny? I have been trying to help you and your Sister but haven't been given the proper direction. I am not the one delaying anything my Darling! Just remember that!
The problem all along Sarah is that I am unsure whether to spend my limited funds on these Bloody Scotsmen or give it to this 'Furious' Reverend or whatever the hell he calls himself. Am I making myself clear? For crying out loud Darling I think I have been upfront on all of this haven't I? There shouldn't be any confusion whatsoever here but you are creating such a mess of this situation and it is really taxing my patience. You must remember that you contacted me in the first place and accordingly, you should at least be appreciative of my efforts! Am I making myself clear?
By the way,I was looking for an apology and I obviously didn't get it! Has this so-called Reverend poisoned your sense of Human decency? I swear he must at least be sympathetic to our needs isn't he? Perhaps you should stop listening to this Mutton Head so that we can get down to Business once and for all.

Please get back to me so we can complete our Business like Adults and not like a bunch of Scottish Miscreants!

Honestly if this doesn't do it then I have lost that Old Piles touch.

Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:05 am

Uh oh it looks like those Scottish Bankers are gunna hunt me down:

Quote:

Hi dear,
Alright,I am sorry over what had happened and am sorry for my reaction. But you should not be so upset because if you were in my shoes you have done more,and I forbid you insulting the Rev.Father Mark he's done nothing to you he was just expressing himself freely and meant no harm why such foul words coming from you to him? Have you lost your senses and respect for Anointed Men of God? Or don't you have Church Priest in your area don't they deserve respect from the people they shephard? Let me bring to your notice my dear you shouldn't in any voice out negatively against Anointed Man of God,for it's written in the "Holy Bible" (touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm) that's God commanded, so be careful so that the wrath of God doesn't fall on us my dear. Since you are skeptical about the bankers and the Rev.Father Mark how then do you trust me? I am disappointed at your mail honestly I couldn't have believed that you could say such,sending your money to the bankers means they will proceed in transferring the fund,failing to do so,I am afraid they won't listen to us again,please don't ridicule me,if you are not interested in helping me by sending the money to bankers just let me know and I won't bother you anymore neither will I talk to you about this,because I have never in my whole life seen nor heard where somebody would be insulting such reputable professional bankers and also an anointed servant of God the same time,I think you owe these two parties an apology because, if the bankers get to hear of this, they'll definitely track you and that means a bigger problem for you as they are well known all over the globe,hopefully you are aware that Royal Bank of Scotland isn't a petty bank they're merchant bank with long time reputable banking degree so mind your language that you use against them,please don't get me,my sister and yourself into trouble.

Regards,
SARAH.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

You can just smell it eating away at him but he can't bring himself to unleash it yet! Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:48 pm

As I said in another Forum, my Brain appears to be broken today. As you should probably know ( if you haven't figured it out yet) my Baits are not usually 'Planned' but just a creature of circumstance. Boy I bet that made sense! In other words, if I have to actually think about something like this...well I can't even think of anything to write here so never mind.

Anyhow enough about me! Let me try to coax a bit of Rage from my Wee Lassie:

Quote:

My Dearest Sarah,

Please do not confuse me with your 'Bible Speak' okay? I was merely trying to figure out why this Rev. was so Furious and why he was waddling in our affairs. Nothing more, nothing less. From the outset, it appeared to me that he was one of those Hibernians that hate us English Folk so much. Can you blame me? He does have quite the attitude problem doesn't he? There is a lot at stake here and we cannot let some Kilt Wearing, Whisky Drinking Inbreds jeopardize this. do Ya Ken? I figured you might Wee Lassie!

Now on to our Business at hand. My Darling, all I have been asking you from the outset is which path to take. Honestly Sarah, I am completely befuckled by your response. What can I do to make myself a bit clearer? The guys at the Bowling Alley all know what the Heck I'm talking about so what is the problem here? Perhaps you should have an Appointment with that Doctor yourself. JEBUS Criminy Girl lighten up!!!!

Now where was I...Oh yeah, I have been asking you in pretty clear Engrish if I should send money directly to you, in order to take care of your Sweet Sister, or should I send it to those Scotsmen. It's only one or the other my Wee Strumpet. With my limited income, I cannot afford to do both! Are you good with this so far? The other thing I was asking for was the invoice for your Fine Sister's Medical treatment (something that you have yet to provide). The Doctor must have given you a Bill has he not? Perhaps he is one of those underhanded Racialists that doesn't believe in such? Get that Bill to me and, with any luck, my Insurance will cover the lot. That much I can guarantee!

Anyhow Darling Sarah I must attend to other matters. please get back to me as soon as possible.

I just hope Sarah isn't as Befuckled with my Engrish as the rest of you are.

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:04 am

This is getting rather frustrating. Maybe I'll blow a gasket before Sarah does:

Quote:

Hi dear,
Alright I can understand now, so you can send the money to me directly and actually the hospital bil was issued on Wednesday this week but it's in the hand of the Rev.Father and I 'm afraid the cost of the hospital bil is so high but by tomorrow I will scan the bill and send it to you and meanwhile will you send the money to me today or tomorrow? Before I disclose the main bills to you have to first of all send me the little amount that I have been requesting of you for over 10 days now thanks.
Regards,

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 10:56 pm

So as we all know now, Sarah isn't snapping as intended. I'm getting more frustrated by the minute and,thus have decided that I am going to be really really nice to her. What is she after anyway? Nothing much; just a a few Shekels so that her Sweet Sister can be cured of 'whatevertheheckshehasitis' I had best turn on the Boil charm:

Quote:

Hi Sarah,

Thank you so much for finally answering my question. In all honesty it seemed to me that you weren't really reading my messages but that is obviously ludicrous! Perish the thought My Darling.

I would also like to thank you for not mentioning anything to those Scotsmen! You have shown great discretion and resolve throughout these trying times and I find it rather commendable. Who else could ever be so understanding? I can't think of anybody else Sarah other than you! Having to deal with such a Swarthy bunch must be rather troublesome for you I must say. I certainly wouldn't have kept my cool the way I did if I didn't have such a level headed intelligent person to guide my every step. You Sarah are a true friend and ally here! With you on my side I will be finally able to Bury the Claymore and give those Devils in Skirts a proper reception. Yes My Dearest, I am a changed Man! Neaps all around I say and I say it with Pride!!!!

On another note, has this Rev. calmed down at all? I would hate to see a Man of God really lose his temper and do something that he might regret. That would be rather unprofessional wouldn't it? He is a professional isn't he Sarah? For your sake I hope he is! Not that long ago my Reverend retired and the his replacement was one of these New Age types that was all about love and peace and such. It was a Godforsaken mes is what it was. The entire congregation, myself included, we're completely flabbergasted! If there's one thing that irks me Sarah, it's Greasy Hippies! Cleanliness is next to Godliness and Bloody Hippies are far from clean I tell ya!!!

My Sarah, I will leave you to have an absolutely wonderful weekend and I will be in touch shortly.

Aw Crap! I forgot to mention the money again!!! Oh well I'm sure someone will remind me.

Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 12:17 pm

Just like clockwork, Sarah gives me a gentle reminder:

Quote:

Hi dear,
What exactly are you playing at? What game are playing with me and my sister who's under medical treament? Now for the very last one I ask you;why didn't you send the money to me yesterday and even today? When really do intend sending the money? Or is it when it's of no use to me and my sister? You keep acting as if you cared and loved us but I sensing some kind absent-mindedness of you here because you have no excuse or whatsoever to tell me that country as big as Canada has no Western Union or Moneygram money transfer where you can go and send me the money,is that what you are impplying ? Why you are you delaying at my simple financial request maybe you will come up again with another silly excuse that I seem not find meaningful why why why are you like this? You have been promising me this money for more than 2weeks now yet you didn't even bother talking about how going to send it. This simply shows you aren't ready and serious to help us financially so why don't you quit? And live us alone because I am totally fed up with your negative atitude towards us. Okay you have been requesting the hospital medical bill when you can't even take care of the little finance that asked of you? Alright like I had promised to enclose the scanned copy of the Bills here is but I am still afraid. the hospital medical bill in Dollar is about $1000.
Yes it is. I am not happy at your attitude the way you are treating me and my sick sister is very unfair,if you can't help us financially why can't say it rather than accepting failing?
Regards,
Sarah.

Wait a minute here Sarah. You mean I can simply say that I can't afford to help you and all of this will be off my shoulders? No way! We Boil's are much to proud to admit defeat. Somehow I will find a way to help,but that will have to wait until after the weekend I suppose.

The Lad did scan and send the 'Bill' but I don't really have the ability ( patience actually) to figure out how to edit it, put it on PhotoBucket, and then attach it to the Forum since I am at home using my Wife's IPad with its almost as fast as dial up 3G connection.

Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 7:22 pm

I am really starting to run out of ideas here! Usually Sarah goes Bananas at the drop of a hat but for some reason, this just ain't happening! Hopefully Sarah hasn't gone to anger management of something. Perhaps I should lighten up the mood a bit:

Quote:

My Dearest Sarah,

I am so sorry about everything here! Please do not take my inexperience in such matters the wrong way okay? From day one, I have been doing my best for you and your Sister. If I have disappointed you, I humbly apologize for my actions. Will you forgive me Sarah? I am willing to forgive you and the Rev. for his unbecoming temper tantrum.

Being said My Darling, have I not always responded to you in a timely manner? You will have to admit that I must say! Perhaps you are under so much stress that you are missing the point here. All of what I have been doing has been for the benefit of you and your Sweet Sister, nothing more; yet you accuse me of having a negative attitude? Nothing could be further from the truth Sarah! I am a very positive individual and have been striving to give you exactly what you deserve! I think we all know who is at fault here Dearest one.

Perhaps if those Scotsmen hadn't attempted to fleece us with their unreasonable demands for money, we would be laughing at this situation right now. Speaking of laughter Sarah, this reminds me of one of my favorite jokes that I want to share with you. Perhaps it will bring a smile to your face and help alleviate some of your Sister's symptoms. As we know, laughter is the best medicine. Anyway I hope you like it:

A tourist traveling by rail in Scotland disembarks, takes a deep breath of the pure clean air and remarks:

"Invigorating isn't it?"

A Scottish conductor standing with earshot replies:

"Noo it's Inverness!"

That tickles my Sporran every time I hear it!

Since most Financial institutions are closed over the weekend, I will endeavour to send your money first thing on Monday ( assuming I can get the time off from work that is).

Long May yer Lum reek Wi'ther people's coal!

John

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:48 pm

Obviously Sarah wasn't fond of my joke as she simply quit responding. This made me rather sad as I really really wanted to her to go Apeshit on me. So what was poor Mr. Boil do? Oh yeah I got it tell her that I transferred the money. That usually works:

Quote:

Hi dear,
How was your weekend? I have been with my sister right in the hospital since yesterday and had no chance to check my mail until now.
Alright thanks,but you didn't disclose the information which you used in sending the money,such as sender's name,receiver's name,Reference or Digit No:? How can we withdraw the money without these details? So now do send to me the details okay.
Regards,
Sarah.

Aw frig I knew that I forgot something!!!! Hopefully the Boss ( and I don't mean Springsteen) gives me some more time off so I can hunt this stuff down.

Personally I love Sarah's somewhat compliant 'Alright' whenever she is attempting to be nice. It rears its ugly head over and over....

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:35 pm

My creativity just ain't around today but with the magic of Google I was able to 'think up' a reply:

Quote:

Hi there Sarah,

Firstly how is your Sweet Sister? I trust the Doctor is taking good
care of her? I hope so!

My weekend was excellent thank you for asking. I was able to get to
the Family Cottage and we had all kinds of fun! There were
marshmallows, hot dogs and plenty to drink as well. Cousin Seymour
even brought his Guitar up (which he calls a GI-Tar). I've always
found that funny don't you? We sang songs around the campfire until
the wee hours. Seymour's wife, Ethel, gave one of the best renditions
of Auld Lang Syne that I have ever heard. It brought back childhood
memories of that Guy Lomardo fellow that we used to see around New
Year's! Do you remember him? There is the Guy Lombardo Society that
is a society dedicated to preserving the music and history of Guy
Lombardo And His Royal Canadians.
There is a bridge named after Lombardo in London, Ontario near
Wonderland Gardens, as well as Lombardo Avenue in north London near
the University of Western Ontario.
The home where Guy Lombardo and his siblings grew up is still
standing in London, Ontario, at 202 Simcoe Street. A plaque to the
Lombardos has been moved from the exterior wall of the Labatt Retail
Store at Richmond and Horton streets in London to the store's
entranceway off the parking lot, denoting the site of a subsequent
home of the Lombardos.

Anyhow my Dearest I sent $547 CDN in care of Mark Godwin. Isn't that
who you asked me to send it to? Perhaps you had simply forgotten as
you are under considerable stress. Perhaps you can check with him as
it is in his name.

I must get back to work but I'll check in when I can my Darling,