Church of Zetty and Mrs Ahmed

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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 12:15 am

I get a 100% risk free mugu mail! Oh joy!

Attn:Please,
I humbly wish to seek your assistance in a matter that is very important and needs utmost trust and confidence. I am MRS HASSAN AHMED,the wife of Late MR.CLEMENT AHMED,who was recently murdered in the land disputein Zimbabwe. I got your contact through network online hence decided to write you. Before the death of my husband, he had deposited the sum of US28 million (Twenty Eight million United States dollars),in one of the private security company under the custody of diplomatic agent in Dubai, as he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe this money was deposited in a box declared as Family Jewelries and Antiquities as to avoid raising any eye brow from the authority.
This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms and establishment of new farm in Swaziland. This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act Reform wholly affected the rich white farmers and some few black farmers.And this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society.In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land reform Act for which my husband Late Mr.Clement AHMED was one of the victims.
It is Against this background that I and my family who are currently staying in South Africa decided to invest the aforementioned sum in viable businesses overseas since the law here in South Africa prohibits a refugee (asylum seeker) to open any bank account or to be involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone of South Africa.
I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money here in South Africa for fear of goiong through the same experience in future both countries have similar political history If you agree to act as a fund manager for me and my family, I shall release the sum of US$28 MILLION united states Dollars to you if you meet my requirements. The money is available in cash in a safe trunk deposited with a security company, and upon a favorable response from you, I shall let you know how you will receive it.

As it is, I am looking for a reliable partner who can help me safe-guide and invest this money very prudently in his company as advised by my mother. 25% of this money will be given to you while 10% will be set aside for miscellaneous expenses that we may incur during the process and an annual 10% of the after tax returns on investment for the first five years. Thereafter, the terms shall be varied. so, if you are capable and willing to participate in this transaction.

Also note that this transaction is 100% risk free, you may also be required to come to Dubai if need be on indication of your interest. Please confirm your interest on this transaction and hoping to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,
MRS. H. AHMED

I give her a standard response:

Madame,

Perhaps it was Jesus or Muhammed's (peace be upon them both) hands
which guided your letter to my humble abode. A transaction like this
must surely benefit two good soldiers of the Lord as you and I.
Well my friend I am the Reverend Dr. Hugh G. Rection. I am a physician
as well as a Reverend. I am blessed with being the Supervising
Physician of the NY Gastroentereological Group, as well as the first
Reverend Of the Holy Twine of Christ as told by the Prophet Zetty. My
Venerable Church is interested in expanding our business and
Ministries in foreign countries.
Please tell me what I can do to help you.

Yours in the hands of Zetty and the Lord,
Rev. Dr. Hugh G. Rection, M.D.,Phd.
Ny Gastroentereological Group
Church of Zetty Twine
"Hugh G Rection for your body and soul"

She replies:

Dear Zetty Twine,

How are you with the entire member of your family?i hope everything is perfectly okay by the special grace of Almighty God.

Well,I am in receipt of your mail to me and all contents well noted and understood. Again, I applaud your interest to assist me and my family with regards to receive and invest this money in high profitable venture in your country. However, I hope your good intention is to guide or invest monye well and not to betray us when the money gets to you or during investment or post investment projects. I and my family are novices concerning international business, as all matters related to business in my family were handled by my late husband until his untimely death. His death was really a sad and controversial one, and I do not like remembering or talking about it as it makes me sick
The box /consignment (funds) are presently deposited in a security vault in Dubai; the box /consignment containing the funds was freight to Dubai through diplomatic channel as a diplomatic luggage. But the diplomatic agent who flew in the box is not aware of the original content of the box/consignment, because the real contents were not declared. As it was registered as a family treasure and other valuable, and a non-inspection certificate was obtained from custom department to protect the consignment as a diplomatic luggage. Secondly,the consignment/fund was deposited by my husband in the security vault as belonging to our family . So, you will be standing as the foreign partner/affiliate of my husband, and all documentation would be change to your name so we could be able to claim the consignment/fund from the security vault,easy and hitch free transfer of the funds.

So, upon your arrival to Dubai, you and my representative will go to the security vault where it's presently deposited under the custody of the diplomatic agent that flew in to Dubai with the consignment. We will then sign the release order of the consignment from the diplomat and receive the box. However, on no condition should you allow the diplomatic agent to understand that the content of the box is cash, the money is our only source of hope now and we can�t risk losing it for any thing. All that I require from you is to remain honest and sincere and not to deviate from promises you�d earlier made.

The money is our only hope of bright future again as we had lost my husband and all he had toiled to build over long period of much difficulty. Please scan to my email box a copy of Identification page of your International Passport to enable the change of the beneficiary status effected on your name as soon as possible. Send also your direct telephone number .

Mrs .H.Ahmed.

What the hell? She addressed the letter to "Zetty Twine"! I'll have to slap her lightly for that...

Hello Mrs Ahmed my bugger,

Let's get one thing straight, my name is NOT Zetty Twine, My name is
Reverend Dr. Hugh G. Rection. I am a proctologist AND a minister of
the Church of the Holy Twine, as told by the Holy Prophet Zetty, and
Our ideology is known as Zetty Twine.
Another thing, you must convince me that YOU are the trustworthy one,
since YOU contacted me. So, where did you get my e mail address from?
I'd be glad to help you, as I said.
Yours in Jesus H. Christ,
Through the eyes of Zetty,
Rev Dr Hugh G Rection

She contritely replies

Dear Reverend Dr Hugh,

Thank you for your respond,so clear and quite understood.Infact, am very sorry for address your name wrongly.Well, i got your email address through internet seaching that very day and i am looking for trustworthy people like you as well who can be able to handle this huge amount of money.

Infact, where is this your ministry located?i hope God is realy doing his work in your ministy,i pray for your church that is going to established in the all words

Hoping hearing from you soonest .

My regards to each and everyone of you and you should be bless.

Mrs Ahmed.

To be continued......

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 12:29 am

I write...

Hullo Mrs Ahmed me old pal,

Well, in fact my ministry is located in New York, and we especially
specialize in spreading the Gospel of the Lord and the Word of the
Holy Prophet Zetty and his vision of Christ's Holy Twine through
music, as we find that people are more susceptible to music than to
other propaganda. We are becoming very very successful, in fact I was
able to purchase for the church our very first Rolls Royce automobile
just last month. You'd be amazed at how much money my congregants,
through the Grace of the Lord, donate to me and the Church. I, in
turn, use that money to spread goodness, music, and the word of God
and the prophet Zetty to the world. As I said, I'd love to spread my
ministry to your miserable country as well, as it seems to be in dire
need of comfort.

I can easily handle the large sum of money in the business deal you
propose, as I currently handle many business transactions. You will
find me to be reliable and trustworthy, and I promise you that this
will be 100% risk free.

What are the modalities? What kind of money will you need from me to
pay for things up front? You said you are widowed...well, I'm widowed
too! Maybe we can get it on.

Hope to hear from you soonest!

Yours in the word of Zetty and Jesus,
Rev Dr Hugh

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:44 pm

Mrs Ahmed gets back to me...

Dear Dr Hugh,

How are you today?i believed everything is working out perfectly.

Well, i received your mail very clear and well understood, but what
really kept very late to replied my mail?because i have be wondering
what must have happen to you,well, i thank God that all is well with you.

Infact, believe me honesting speaking i have build this trust on you for the first time you replied my mail and a child of God too,reliable and trustworthy, and I promise you that this is 100% risk free that you will not regrat this proposal.

Well, i did not need you to pay me rather advicing you to invest this money on profitable means and you can go to my first mail and see all what i said on it,ok.Meanwhile, you said you are a widowed?all my mind is that you are a male and not a female, is good hearing this.so please, send to me your international passport copy or your driver license, so that i will charge your name as original beneficiary of this consignment in the security vault.ok.

But note that we are suppose to pay to the scurity vault where this money is secur to the diplomat who is incharge of this consignment
for his handling charges and dumorage of this consignment in his custody as i earlier told you before but right now i did know the cost amount,but immediately you send all neccesary thing need to change
you name as the original beneficiary of this consignment, then i forward it to the dilpomat and ask him how much has it incure.ok.

I will stop here so far till i hear from ou again.

Remain real blessed.

To be continued...

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:53 pm

I reply to my pet

Hullo Mrs Ahmed my pet,

Top of the day to you, and it was really great to hear from you. Well,
I am a very busy business man, and a proctologist to boot, so that was
the cause for my delay in writing to you. I must do at least ten
prostate exams per day, and it gets tiring, along with my ministry
work and my wheelings and dealings in real estate.

I am glad this will be 100% risk free, and I assure you that I will
deal with you in a 100% risk free manner as well. Whatever funds that
are needed I can get from my church's Donation Committee, no problem.

I'm certainly glad you are a female, and I bet you are beautiful, too!

I am attaching a copy of my work identification for your perusal. I
will scan my passport soon and send that to you as well.

Take care sweetheart!
Yours for the love of Christ,

Rev Dr Hugh

I attach a scan of my work ID

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:56 pm

My ID:

[url]http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/HUGHGRECTIONsmall.jpg [/url]

Twisted Evil

Guest

So this is where you got your inspiration. It doesn't take much to figure out, ya know. Why don't you just admit it, I KNOW YOU TOO WELL. You're just very predictable! ugghhhh
Will you be my friend? Rolling Eyes

You got mail btw.

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:16 pm

wtf?!!!

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

WTF indeed Confused

, what was that about Hugh Laughing

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:05 am

ANYWAY, back to my bait. Er, where was I? Oh yeah...Mrs Ahmed replies to me...

Dear Dr Hugh,

And also you too.we i got you mail, well clear and noted too.
and you Id card you sent to me.please send to me a copy of
your international passport copy to me and also your direct
phone number, so that i will forward it to the diplomat, so that both
of you can discuss when are you coming to claim this consignment,
and please never you allow him to know that the contains money in cash
ok.

Well, i have written to him and aked him how much is the clearance fee
and the dumorage may be by tomorrow i will get a feed back from him and i will up date you too.ok.

Hoping hearing from you and also your international passport copy
as well so that everything will be uniform,ok.

May Almighty God provide and protect you for all the kindness you have be given to me so far.thank you.

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:19 am

I shoot off a letter to my pet....

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:32 pm

Mrs Ahmed writes:

Dear Dr Hugh,

How are you today?i hope you pretty doing well.

Well, i got your mail but why did you send you passport
copy to me and your direct number, meanwhile i did not
tell about my lawyer, i told you that i will forward it to the
diplomat in Dubai who is incharge of this consignment so
that both of you will communicate on phone as to know
when you are coming to Dubai to claim this consignment.

Well, i did not need all this number you sent to me because
they are not the original beneficiary of this consignment, please
let it be confidencial between us ontill you receive this consignment
because i dont want to lose this my money,ok.well,please do send
your direct number and the copy of your passport,ok.

The diplomat has replied to me as i earlier told you yesterday that i have
written to him ,which i told you that i will give you afeedback today concerning the clearing and adminstrative and also the dumorages fee
and he said $32,250 thousand dollars. well, i never knew it will be up to
this amount they gave to me because i was even thinking it will be atleast $20 to $25 thousand dollars.infact, i dont really know what to do because i have no money with me now at hand but i will put my property on sale for me to be able to rise atlease $12 to $15 thousand dollars so that you will kindly help me to pay the balance, than after you receive the money you and my representative will count this money and you will take this balance which you pay,ok.

Please do not forget to send your direct phone number to me and your copy passport,ok.Hoping hearing from you soonest.

May God bless and reward you for the kindness you are rader to me

Mrs Ahmed

This greedy little beeyotch is making me a wee bit annoyed...

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:33 pm

I give a light slap...

Hallo Mrs Ahmed me bugger ol' pet,

The phone numbers I gave you are my direct phone numbers. I do NOT
receive phone calls at home, so these numbers are the only ones I can
be reached at. All my calls are screened, so you must ask for the
people I mentioned. Tell the fussy little diplomat what I say.
This deal between us will remain confidential, and I will have no
problem giving you the balance of the money, HOWEVER I must tell you
that my Church Donation Committee will HAVE TO get involved as well,
because I get the money through them. Don't worry, they can keep their
mouths shut, so it will remain confidential.
Also, I told you I would send you a copy of my passport soon, so I
don't need you to remind me every frikkin day.
Top of the day to you. Don't forget to tell that diplomat to call me,
and to ask for the people I mentioned, otherwise I won't get the call.
He better not piss me off either.
Remain blessed!
Yours in Jesus's Mighty Arms.
Rev Rection

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:25 pm

Mrs Ahmed replies...

Dear Dr Hugh,

How is everything, life , minitries and other activities around you?i believed all is perfectely moving on successfully by the Special grace
of God.

Well, i got your message clear and well understood but first and foremost may Almighty God provide and bless you and your family
with your fellow workers who contribute in helping me and my family,
may you no lack anything in Jesus name,Amen

Well, i have forwaded this number you gave to me to the diplomat and also explained to him as you said on you mail, that immediately he call
this people that they will definiately get intouch with you.so when are you coming to Dubai for the claim of the money so that my
representative will be there to assist you, so that you receive this consignment from the diplomat,ok.?

Since you said that the church donation should be involve on this and secondly keep their month shut,well, is ok no problem at all for i so much believed in you and Almighty God.

May Almighty God bless and protect you and your family together with the church donation commitee in Jesus name,Amen

Mrs Ahmed.

Ha ha ha

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:28 pm

Uh oh...seems there was a bit of trouble with the numbers...

Dear Dr Hugh,

How are you doing today?i guess all is prefectely alright.

Well,i just received a mail from the diplomat this after noon
complaining that he called those number you gave to me which
i forwarded to him that there was no response in any of those
number, even your assistance because i told him to call you
assistance first and if he did not gethim then he should try the other
committee member as you said on your mail , but he also said that
he droped a message to the committee member of your church.and
he also said that your assitance line was on answering mechine,that
they were talking about President Bush election.Even right now i dont even know what to tell him because he really complained bitterly.so please, send to me a valid number that he can get you on line or even
your assistance as well too.Or should i tell him to keep on trying those
same lines?please write to tell your opinion,ok.

Thank and remain real bless.

Mrs Ahmed

ha ha ha ha

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:31 pm

Of course, I ignore her a bit, and she e mails me again...

Dear Dr Hugh,

How are you with your assistant?i hope you all are physically
fit and alright.

Well, in respect of my mail dated to you yesterday, am still
expecting your feedback,please write to me ,so that i will know
what to tell the diplomat ok.and please concerning the number
i asked about, please give to me your direct number so that
he can be able to speak with you because you are the original
beneficiary of this consignment and not your assistant.please.

Hoping hearing from you soonest.May God bless you and your family.

I'll tell her what to tell the diplomat. He's about to be bitch-slapped.

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:43 pm

I'm a busy proctologist! AND a Reverend, to boot! Boy am I mad!

I write:

Dearest Mrs Ahmed,

How are you today? I'm just doing great! I bought a new car for my
Church today. It rides really nice! How are things with you? Anyway,
back to business!
Who the heck is the diplomat you are dealing with?! Is he some kind of
moron? The phone numbers I gave you are perfectly fine. You said he is
complaining bitterly? Tell the fussy little prick to shut up and dial
the numbers correctly this time. I am a very busy reverend and doctor,
and I don't have time to deal with idiotic, pompous little incompetent
morons like that diplomat who can't even dial a foreign phone number.
You tell him to straighten his act up quick or I might fly out to
Dubai or wherever the hell the little runt is and bitch slap him.
He must be a wicked man because if Jesus was in his heart he would
have easily contacted me, so I must tell you I have no kindness or
tolerance for infidels. Be careful about him, my dearest Mrs Ahmed, he
may be trying to trick you.
If he gives you or me any more trouble, I'll want to deal with someone
else. Let me know if he STILL complains about me...if so, I'll fix
things.
Yours for the love of Jesus,
Rev Dr Hugh

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:06 pm

Mrs Ahmed replies...

Dear Rev.Dr Hugh,

Congratulation! congratulation to you and the entire members of your
church , God is really doing it for us.

I received your mail clear and well noted but is that the diplomat is bad
or insult you, no, no.he was just telling me how your phone responded
to him , so immediately he wrote me i decided to informed you quickly
and here is his phone number 971508774175 his name is George Lloyd.
so if he can not contact you today, please do call him, please but i will write him today to tell him to try those number you gave to me,ok.

My regards to your assistant and the donation of your commitee.and you should alway remain real bless.

Mrs Ahmed

George Lloyd can kiss my butt too!

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:08 pm

I reply:

hi my Dear Mrs Ahmed,

well, I tried to call the miserable little diplomat, but all I got
were clicks and hisses! Don't the phones work in his miserable little
country? That's really bizarre. Maybe he IS trying to trick you.
My church and I are eager to help you!
I'll give that diplomat one more chance. He can call me at
He can ask for Dom Rednick or my assistant pastor Ray
Cyst.
Hope that diplomat doesn't screw it up this time. We are waiting to help you.
Regards,
Rev Hugh G. Rection

The KKK will sure be glad to hear from the fussy little diplomat! Ha ha ha

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2004 5:09 pm

Mrs Ahmed(me pet bugger) responds...

Dear Rev. Dr.Hugh,

Dr . Hugh please, you should be angry with the diplomat for
i strongly believed that everything is going to work out perfectly
and successful with the help of Almighty God.Well, i received his mail
this morning he still said that those phone nurmber is not responding and
he also dropped a message with the commitee member you gave to me.so i tried calling the number on internet to comfirm if what the Diplomat said is correct,honestly my dearest brother, it was very very correct,you assistant phone is talking about president BUSH ,Infact, both of them enter in answering machine but i just tried those number
this morning.please check very well if there is no mistake somewhere
on the number you gave to me,ok.but i will fowards this last one you sent for me to him.But please, try to call him once again, hope you put double
zero 00971508774175 just like this(once again his name is Mr george lloyd and here is his email [email protected] definiately you will get him on line.please try for my sake.May Almighty God grant your heart desire,protect you and entire members of your family both in your church and at home.

Hoping hearing from you soonest and please call the diplomat and get back to me,please do because of God.

I would love to hear the messages the diplomat left on the KKK answering machine...

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2004 5:16 pm

I write back...

Hullo Mrs Ahmed,

Well my bugger I can't understand what is wrong with the darn phones,
I hope the diplomat can get through. Anyway, tell the diplomat to send
me an e mail, ok? Maybe this is God telling us to conduct this
business over the internet rather than the telephone, for God knows
how tedious it is speaking with foreigners on the phone. So I will
respond to the little bugger's e mail, ok? I await his e mail
anxiously. I do, however, encourage him to try calling me again, and I
will see what the hell is wrong with the damn phones.
Oh by the way, I am attaching a copy of my passport.

Yours in Zetty's grip,
Rev Dr Hugh G Rection

To be continued...?

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:33 pm

Mrs. Ahmed writes:

Dear Rev. Dr.Hugh,

Thank you very much for your mail and your international passport
copy been sent to me.infact, i really appreciate all your affort wards
this ,may Almighty grant your heart desire.

Well, i still received a mail from the diplomat this morning telling me
that this last number you sent to me which i forwarded to him that he
really tried this line for morethan 30 good mins.but very busy,meanwhile,
i have also forwarded your email address to him,so he willdefiniately write you and i have also tell him to keep on trying your line that it will be through,ok.

So when are you going to Dubia?have you getten your visa?please let me know your latest development on your travel so that my representative will wait for your in Dubai,so that both of you will meet the diplomat and collect this consignment ,ok.

My regards to you assistant,your family and your follow member of the church and you will alway be bless.and once again thank you for your assistant.

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:35 pm

The phone is busy a lot, eh? Well, I do have a very succesful Proctology practice...and I AM a Reverend, too.

I write back...

Hullo Mrs Ahmed,
I can come to Dubai relatively soon; I'll be getting my visa in about
a week or two.
I'll let you know as soon as I can.
One minor technicality has arisen, unfortunately.
In order to raise the money for you, the Church Donation Committee has
one requirement of you. They require a photo of you holding a sign
with my name on it and also "Zetty Twine."
They request that the sign be clearly lettered, and state, in full:
HUGH G RECTION - ZETTY TWINE
They want to use the photo to show our Congregation that we have
representatives in Foreign Countries. Once you e mail the picture, and
the picture is deemed to be satisfactory, they will send you a check
or money wire for $200 dollars as a photo release fee. They then will
also release all funds needed to pay off the fussy diplomat, so you
can get YOUR money when I come to Dubai.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Rev Hugh

To be continued...?

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:59 pm

Miss Mugu writes back

Dear Rev. Dr.Hugh,

I got your mail. but first and foremost i most thank you for all your effort on this.Well, in respect of what you said i should do?i believed i have done the neccesary things needed to make this business successfully and infact,your name and the church in included on this list before the diplomat will realease this consignmnet to you and i have done everything waiting for you to go to Dubai and claim the consignment with my representative respectively.so they is no problem on this because is an 100%risk free as i told you earlier.

This 200 dollars is for what?please i dont need any money from you all
i want from you is for you to go to Dubai and cliam this comsignment.Please,tell the church donation committee that this money
is my only hope of life,i dont have anybody to beg or do they want me to lose this money?please and please,i dont want to lose this money,ok.

Well, i have you and your church name as the original beneficiary of this consignment and not the members of the church.infact,i told you before that i want this to be confidencially and you promised me that it will be
and that you have told them to keep they mouth shut,why are they breaking their rule and regulations?please tell them,let this be confidencia untill you claim this consignment before we start doing any
other things,ok.

Has the diplomat contacted you?please if he do,alway update me,ok.and
please too ,you do call or write the diplomat,ok.

remain real bless of God.

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:00 pm

I respond:

Hi Mrs Ahmed,
Sorry, but those are the rules the Donation Committee have set. They
require your photo holding a sign with my name and the church's name.
No photo, no deal.
Remain blessed!
Rev Hugh

Here we go, I sense she is going to be difficult about a trophy pic... Laughing

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:01 pm

oh cool! She's whining!

Dear Rev.Dr.Hugh,

Well, i got your message.you promised helping me
and now you want to disapoint me,why?pleasei told
you earlier that i am an asylum seeker here in South
Africa an ith all this your requirement,it will definiately
bring me out,please try to understand how i stay here
in South Africa.Please be mrecyful and help me.all my
trust and hope are on you and i stongly believed that God
has provided you to help me.

Why am begging you is this,as an asylum seeker(refugee)
who is going to take me the picture here in South Africa,what
i mine going to tell them,please i know is will not be possible for me.
you know how they teat refugee in other countries,please and please
help me and also tell them to help me because of God.

Hoping hearing from you soonest.has the diplomat contacted you?

May God bless and rader you this strength for you to help me and
other who are in need of your help.

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