HELL SAFARI – Edo State, Nigeria - Ghana, Benin & Kano

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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:26 am

I'm commenting here 'cause I want to be notified when the thread is updated Laughing

Great baiting Thumbs up

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:29 am

There are safaris and then there are world class safaris. This is definitely the latter.

Top baiting Monsignor, keep turning the screw on this scumbag!

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:32 am

^^^ (all comments above, back to P1) I am feeling absolutely blown away by all of your generosity. I can only say "Thank you".

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:56 pm

This is priceless.

As a thought, the G0merboyze are very active in the Benin Republic. From bitter experience, many guymen have come to firmly believe in them.

419Eater is my life Joined: 25 Aug 2006 Posts: 403

Tuco wrote:

This is priceless.

As a thought, the G0merboyze are very active in the Benin Republic. From bitter experience, many guymen have come to firmly believe in them.

Nobody Chops a Dollar quite like the G0m3rB0yz... They are truly artists..

Excellent Bait M0nSign0r.... Keep the pain coming

Master Baiter Joined: 03 May 2011 Posts: 237

Mr G0mer seems to be the scammer equivalent to Keyser Soze. Very Happy

Not quite a Newb Joined: 15 Oct 2011 Posts: 47

Just stumbled on another idea - what if you found out about Mr. wa Mb@yo's activities and had him fired from the job?

A screaming hysterical mail about how he's going to kill ke1vin for getting him fired. It probably frees him up to do more evil Twisted Evil

Pretty much make Mb@yo into a ghost from a Shakespearean play, bent on revenge on both Sal@mi and ke1vin Very Happy

well, as jose mentioned, your doing brilliantly without any help as is ( it's just those moments where i can't help but think, "You know what'd be even more awesome?! Mugu casserole!)

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 3:20 pm

ke1vin = asswipe guyman = no moni , MR.waMb@yo Rules Smile

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:00 pm

^^^ Mr Mbayo is indeed for the chop (excuse the pun!). More later.

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:38 pm

Very nice safari, Monsignor! Definitely lad pain at it's finest! Very Happy

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:44 pm

Day 6. “THE PAST 6 DAYS HERE HAS BEEN A HELL”

Picture the scene in your mind. A particularly unattractive, arid, hostile West African city. Autumn. Early morning. Cockerels just rousing. Dawn chorus beginning. The night chill is being warmed away by the rising sun. Flies buzz about. Stray dogs still snoozing under the shells of wrecked and abandoned cars. Our Man in Parakou is asleep. Dreaming. It’s a nightmare, in which he is broke, famished, thirsty, filthy, depressed, sleeping on a bench, and stranded in a hell city, in a strange country, where he doesn’t speak the language.

He wakes up, stretches, expels some overnight gas through his unspeakably grubby anus, sits up on his bench, rubs his eyes, looks around, and remembers that he is famished, thirsty, filthy, depressed, sleeping on a bench, and stranded in a hell city, in a strange country, where he doesn’t speak the language.

Clearly at the end of his tether, he is waiting at the door of the Cyber Cafe for it to open at 0800 hrs, so he can punch out the below and send it both to me and to Salami:

Quote:

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I WENT AGAIN TO THE HOTEL YESTERDAY AND THEY ALSO TOILD ME THAT NO RESERVATION MADE AVAILABLE FOR ME SO WHAT IS GOING ON,IF YOU KNEW YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAND OVER MY CONSIGNMENT TO MEET THEN WHY INVITING ME HER TO PARAKOU AND SUFFER MR.SALAMI

AM DEEPLY TIRED OF ALL THIS BECAUSE AM NOT TAKING IT FUNNY ANYMORE SINCE THE PAST 6 DAYS HERE HAS BEEN A HELL SO WHAT IS ACTUALLY THE PROBLEM
DONT YOU EVER SEND YOUR DRIVER MBAYO TO PICK ME UP ANYMORE (What a SCREAM!) BECAUSE I REAALY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS UP TO.

REPLY ME NOW SO TO NO HOW TO MEET YOU TODAY BECAUSE YOU ALONE INVITED ME HERE,AS I WRITE TO YOU AM DEEPLY STRANEDED I WANT TO GET BACK TO NIGERIA.

URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
ALEX KELVIN

Salami eventually replies...:

Quote:

Sir,

Firstl, Hotel xxx xxxxxx was book for you. I hear tell from Hotel xxxxxxxx that you go there (instead)? Why?

Second, there has been disaster here. This morning I was call at home by Gendarmerie Nationale (Polis). Mr Mbayo was arrest late last nait. he went in serch for you but went to bar and got very drunkeness and mess up wth parakou thug boys. his family is boxers from congo andhe fightin man. gendarme come and he and area boy arrest an take to jail.

big problem is Mbayo had yr moni. no worri- is safe as i know sergeante gendarme but big enquiry as large amount. polis saythey first think mbayo money launder or fraud. ed robins not available as e on plane now, but is office secrtry spk wth polis ere and then allstar head of scerity spk wth polis head in cotonou. cotonou head polis spk wth polis head in parakoyu an matter now resolve, but cash lock up in polis staion.

ed robins know of situation via sms an is here this nait or late and den he see polic, collec moni and giv 2 you persoanally.

the allstar h.q very angru wid mbayo and sum balme on me also. i very sorry for all this o.k. the allstar (robins)is arrange for u flight to abuja or pay for taxi car to cotonou border. is your choice.

well, that is all i have fornow. i have to do all mbayo werk today. when robins here i email u, o.k. sorry agin o.k?

pierre

Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mail Hub

...and so do I:

Quote:

Hello Alex,

Good morning to you, sir. I woke up this morning to an e.mail from Ed Robins' (AllStar Customer Support) Secretary and that Robins was personally flying from the USA to Parakou (via Cotonou) within next 24 hours to sort this out personally and hand you the consignment. Robins has been told by Parakou Police that Pierre Salami’s Deputy Mr Mbayo was arrested yesterday for drunkenness and fighting in a bar, but I have no more details.

I will be in touch again as soon as I have more details. I have passed your info to Robins’ Secretary who will contact you shortly. I am also copying this e.mail to her.

I cannot apologise enough for this damned mess. The cash is there, but these 2 (Salami and Mbayo) seem to be absolute idiots.

Do not worry, we WILL get your £1000 GBP and the Accra expenses to you. This matter WILL be resolved soon. Have courage, my old friend.

Yours in God,

Monsignor

He sends us both the same reply:

Quote:

I WENT TO BOTH HOTELS YESTERDAY NIGHT NOTHING SEEM TO BE ALLRIGHT.

UPDATE ME ONCE MR.ED ROBINS IS HERE AND ONCE YOU BOOK A HOTEL ENSURES THAT YOU SEND ME YOUR BOOKING INFORMATIO AM TIRED OF BEEN EMBARRS EACH TIME I WENT TO HOTELS BOOK FOR ME OK

REGARDS
ALEX

We ignore him and a little later, it has dawned upon him that this is a cycle. Each day of frustrations, disappointments, hunger, anger, and tedium blurring into another. This comes in:

Quote:

AM I STILL GOING TO BE HANGING OUT IN THE STREET TODAY AGAIN??????

URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
ALEX

(Well, what do you think?)

Salami tells him again that Robins is on his way, and:

Quote:

SIR,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,BUT THE PROBLEM THERE IS THAT YOU KNOW QUEIT WELL THAT I USE CYBER CAFE TO REACH YOU I MAY NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY AGAIN THIS NIGHT IF THE CAFE HAS CLOSE SO RIGHT NOW AND CONFUSE AND TIRED OF HANGING OUT IN THE STREET BECAUSE SINCE I CAME HERE LAST FRIDAY IT HAS REALLY BEEN A HELL ALL NIGHT

SO WHAT DO I DO NOW???????

He the tries me again for a Western Union payment that this time does NOT require Security Shield:

Quote:

Thanks for your mail,so i want you to do for me here in parakou is that Mr.Randy inform me that you send 60gbp to me on sunday but the MTCN has not been gotten

Please sir,am in the street so i want you to go back again from were the payment was made and re direct the payment to me here in Benin via a friend because you quite know that i cannot pick and confirm money in another man country with my drivers licence so here is the MONEY GRAM/WESTERN UNION information you wiull have to direct the payment so that once i can confirm it today i will use some of the money to lodge:book a hotel for my stay till the arrival of Mr.ed rOBINS OK?

name..........ZXXXXXXX JOEL
ADDRESS...........XX XXXXXROAD
STATE..........PARAKOU
COUNTRY...........BENIN REPUBLIC
TEXT QUESTION.........5+5
TEXT ANSWER............10
MTCN...............

Await your urgent response and God bless.

Mr.Alex Kelvin

WHO?! I want to know who this ‘Joel Zxxxxxxx’ is:

Quote:

Dear Monsignor,

In regards to your mail,i want you to know that Mr.JOEL ZXXXXXX is a friend i meant here since yesterday now and he has been helping me to search and find the allstar benin office here inside the airport and also finance my ticket here at cyber cafe so i want you to know that all is well with him because i am a very straight forward man likewise him so with him here i will be able to pick/confirm the money 60GBP once you send the payment this afternoon to enables me book/lodge a hotel till the arrival of Mr.ED Robin.

Because as i wrote you this mail now and deeply stranded here in the street so be rest assures with 100% gurantee that immediately you re-send back the money today it will be confirm and my hotel will be book for my comfort to enables me wait for the arrival of Mr.Robins OK

Monsignor,once you pick up the money back please ensures you look for a better office to send the money with the complete information MTCN to enables him confirm the this afternoon ok.

Thanks and i will be waiting to get the MTCN because my comfort:health means alot to me.
Mr.Alex Kelvin

So that's how he is paying for web access. Well, suits me. Wonder how he will eventually explain to Joel that there is no repayment coming...

Needless to state, he waited for his MTCN, and waited, and waited, until .................................... (wait for it) .................................... his bench beckoned for another night under the West African stars (and more violent thunderstorms from Friday, according to the forecast at timeanddate.com).

Good night little brother. Sleep well. The good Mr Robins from AllStar Support will be here tomorrow (well.............. probably).

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:17 pm

I love the way you keep his hopes up just enough that he keeps waiting. I keep thinking he's going to simply snap and start walking back to Nigeria, but no, you are playing him so masterfully that he just whines and goes right back to the park bench to sleep outdoors, in his filthy, stinking clothes.

Quote:

AM DEEPLY STRANEDED

I think "straneded" is destined to join "streded" as part of the permanent 419Eater lexicon.

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:21 pm

hopefully he will be reduced to a bum within another week, and remain straneded for much longer Very Happy

wonderful, absolutely magnificent Cool

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:28 pm

There are some safaris that are rather dull. Like the last two of my Cameroon ones. And then there are the ones that are quite ok, like when Victor was stredded in Kumba for a week. I am sure he suffered some, perhaps even as much as Kevin here. But he never mailed me and the calls was infrequent and often not very good, even though they had its moments.

And then there are the lads that suffer beyond imagination and are there to give you every detail about it. And these are the best ones. Kevin belong to that category. To read about this is pure magic. To bad i can't hear his voice and the magnitude of his suffering on the phone.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 4747

“Joel ” is probably another name for name for “a John”. Hey a boi gotta do what a boi gotta do

OK I got a deal for him, very secret, no risk. All he has to do is meet me in Somalia

Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 11:05 pm

STRANEDED lad wrote:

AM NOT TAKING IT FUNNY ANYMORE

IIRC, his humor was wanting, even on day 1. Now he can look back on that as "The Good Old Days". Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

Quote:

my comfort:health means alot to me.

Good to know. Make sure that, when all is said and done, those two things have been taken from him as well.

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:10 am

You deserve a rhodium pith helmet plated with anodized titanium!

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:46 am

I know it is too late for tonight, but tomorrow evening when he is facing another night of park bench slumber, you may want to send him this link. It could raise his spirits and may even help him sleep.

Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 15 Oct 2011 Posts: 47

Was looking forward to this all day long! Laughing

Grrr, don't like Joel helping out Evil or Very Mad

- I wonder if he was persuaded into helping kevin with the promise of a cut in all that money that's juuuust around the corner.. I liked it when he seemed really out of money and there was a flurry of desperate pleas for help...

would kill to hear the lad over the phone Very Happy

Anyways, awesome stuff!

PS: Awesome job on the opening paragraph for today's post. This stuff really is movie material! (Though a lot of it would just be baiters typing furiously typing emails and laughing our asses off!)

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 6:47 am

EPIC!!!!

I can only hope to play my lad half as well as The Master. beers!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 26 Sep 2008 Posts: 689

If he can't afford a hotel and is sleeping rough it makes you wonder what he's eating ... his own leg maybe? Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 8:03 am

This is delicously wicked. More please. Laughing

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 8:06 am

What a pity that such a moving, heart-warming story must eventually one day end -- but not yet, I hope... Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 29 Jan 2009 Posts: 265

I am really enjoying this safari. Awesome work!!

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