Jane Austen writes some very bad prose

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Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present a bait in which Jane Austen wastes the time of Mrs Jewell Taylor. I must warn you that the bait descends into foul and abusive language, and any insults are not intended to be racist. And yes, I 'borrowed' part of the insults from someone else's work, erm, thanks !

Featuring:

Jane Austen - a woman of independant means
Jewell Taylor - the scammer
Cassidy Taylor - the scammer's son
David Bennard - Global Angles Security - the scammer's mate

IT ALL BEGAN WITH A REPLY TO A LETTER IN THE SURPLUS FORUM WHICH I COULDN'T BE ARSED TO KEEP:

Quote:

Subject: You business proposal
Date: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 06:08:15 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

I was sorry to read of your predicament. I think I may be in a
position to help you with your funds of money. Please let me know how
we can proceed.

Kind regards,

Miss J. Austen

Quick as a flash....

Quote:

Subject: RE: URGENT RESPONSE ASAP
Date: Tue, 7 Sep 2004 16:00:48 +0200

DEAR Miss J. Austen,

HOW IS YOUR DAY HOPE FINE, WE CAN PROCEED WITH YOUR NECESSARY
INFORMATION

{1} YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
{2}YOUR COMPANY NAME
{3}ACCOUNT NAME AND ACCOUNT NUMBER

SO THAT WE CAN PROCESS THE DOCUMENT WITH THIS INFORMATION THAT ARE REQUIRED.

THANKS IMMENSLY,
JEWELL TAYLOR

We'll see about that....

Quote:

Subject: RE: URGENT RESPONSE ASAP
Date: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 12:34:48 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

Before I start sending private information to you, I have some
questions for you:

1: Can you confirm the amount of money to be transfered.
2: Will this transfer take place a wire transfer ?
3: Are you anticipating that I will travel to sign documents etc ?
4: Will we have an opportunity to meet ?
5: What disembursements are you anticipating ?

I look forward to getting your anwers so that we can proceed.

Miss J. Austen

Let's see if that gets them off script....oh yes, bang goes the spelling !

Quote:

Subject: VERY URGENT FROM JEWELL TAYLOR
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 2004 02:59:01 -0700

DEAR J.AUSTEN,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY,ACTUALLY YOUR MAIL WERE WELL UNDERSTOOD, AND YOUR NICE QUESTION I LOVE THAT,AND THAT REALLY MEANS YOU ARE THE RIGHT AND I THANK GOD ALMIGHTY FOR LETTING US KNOWING OURSELFS THROUGH THIS TRANSACTION WHICH I BELEIVE WE ARE GOING TO MEET EIRTHER BYYOU COMING DOWN HERE IN NIGERIA AS TO GO TO THE SECURITY COMPANY WHERE THE MONEY IS BEEN DEPOSSITED OR IF IS NOT GOING TO BE POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO COME HERE,WE CAN ARRANGE FOR THE SECURITY COMPANY TO GIVE US AN ADDRESS WHERE
THEIR AFFILIATED OFFICE IS, SO THAT I, AND MY LAWYER AND YOU, CAN GO THERE AND PICK UP THE CONSIGIMENT.

SECONDLY,THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONS IS AS FOLLOWS:

1. THE AMOUNT INVOLVES IS US$29 MILLION.
2. THE TRANSFER CAN NOT BE MADE BY WIRING,WHY ?IT IS ONLY WHEN YOU
COME HERE THAT THE MONEY CAN BE TTRANFER OR WIRING,BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO THE BANK BY YOUR SELF AND OPEN A NON RESIDENT ACCOUNT WHICH AFTER THAT,YOU CAN TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOUR FOREIGN ACCOUNT,DEPENDING IF YOU ARE COMING,BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST.

ALSO,SINCE THE FUND IS IN THE SECURITY COMPANY,THEY CAN ONLY SEND
THE CONSIGNMENT THROUGH A DEPLOMATIC WAY TO YOUR DESTINATION OR GOING TO THEIR AFFILIATE OFFICE ANY COUNTRY.SO THAT IS THE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE.

3. CONCERING THE DOCUMENT,THAT IS IF YOU ARE GOING TO COME BY YOUR
SELF TO SIGN IT,BUT IF YOU ARE NOT COMING,WE WILL HAVE TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY WHO IS GOING TO REPRESENT YOU,BUT IT WILL STILL COURSE A LOT OF MONEY,BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO PAY HIM .

4.I WILL REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU CAN COME BY YOUR SELF SO THAT WE
CAN MEET IN PERSON AND AFTER THAT WE WILL HAVE TO TRAVELL TOGETHER TO YOUR COUNTRY THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO INVEST MY OWN SHARE OF THE FUND.

5.I HAVE MAPED OUT 30% FOR YOU, AND 5% WILL BE FOR OUR EXPENCES
WHILE THE REST WILL BE FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.

SO PLEASE DO FORWARD ME THE INFORMATIONS I HAVE REQUESTED FROM YOU
IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE THIS MAIL.
THANKS
YOURS FAITHFULLY
JEWELL TAYLOR.

Time to send some details

Quote:

Thankyou for your email, and your answers to my questions. I can't see that travelling to Nigeria would be a problem at all.

Here are my details:

Name and address:

Miss Jane Austen
The Rectory
Chewton
Hampshire
England

Tel: 0870 757 6267

I do not have a fax machine.

I am 29 years old.

Kind regards,

The 'phone number is for the British National Party. Because I don't like them, that's why.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 9 Sep 2004 04:37:22 -0700
To: "Jane Austen" <[email protected]>

Subject: RESPONSE TO YOUR MAIL.

DEAR J.AUSTEN,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,AND THE CONTENT WERE WELL NOTED.BUT I STILL
WANT YOU TO CLARIFY ME SO THAT WE DONT TAKE MUCH TIME ON THIS TRANSACTION BASE ON YOUR SIDE,BECAUSE YOU HAVE SAID THAT COMING TO NIGERIA WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM SO HOW LONG WILL YOU BE COMING, BECAUSE EVERY ARRANGEMENT HAS BEEN MADE CONCERNING THIS FUND AS TO CLEAR IT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY AS SOON AS YOU ARRIVE HERE.

ALSO,I STILL WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME OR CONVINCING ME THAT AS
SOON AS THIS FUND GETS TO YOU,YOU WOULD NOT DISAPPOINT ME AND MY FAMILY BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WILL NOT FIND IT EASY WITH ME SO PLEASE KINDLY ASSURE ME ON THIS,THEN YOU CAN NOW TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO COME TO NIGERIA,MEANWHILE,I WILL BE GOING TO THE SECURITY COMPANY TODAY,TO FIND OUT THE AMOUNT WHICH WE WILL HAVE TO PAY THEM BECAUSE THIS FUND HAS BEEN IN THEIR COSTUDY SINCE WE DEPOSITED IT .

SO I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE DOMURAGE IS GOING TO BE,AND/OR WE WILL
HAVE TO CACULATE FROM THE DAY THE FUND WERE DEPOSITED TILL NOW.FINALLY,I SHALL GIVE YOU A CALL AS SOON AS I GET BACK FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

PLEASE,KINDLY GIVE ME A CALL AS IMMEDIATELY YOU GET THIS MAIL
PLEASE IT IS VERY IMPORTANT .234-8028-19934.

THANKS
YOURS FAITHFULLY.

JEWELL TAYLOR

No, I'm not going to call you! But I'll soften the blow with the enticement of some gifts....

Quote:

Subject: Re: RESPONSE TO YOUR MAIL.
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 07:24:06 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

I'm not sure I understand you - I can come to Nigeria whenever you want, I am a woman of independant means and I have plenty of money to pay for airfares etc.

Once you have been to the security company, let me know when you
would like me to arrive, and what city please and I shall book a
flight.
My cousin here has a computer store and I was wondering whether you would like a gift of one of the latest laptops ? Please understand this would simply be a goodwill gesture - if you have children I could perhaps bring some gifts for them too ?

Mrs Taylor, I was born with an impediment which makes it very
difficult for me to hold a telephone conversation, so could we please maintain our communications by email ?

Kind regards,

Jane Austen

Tee hee, hook line and sinker...of course they'd love some freebies

Quote:

Subject: J.T URGENT RESPONSE ASAP
Date: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 06:21:38 -0700

DEAR AUSTEN,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL WHICH I ACKNOLEDGE THE RECEIPT.INFACT,I WAS VERY VERY HAPPY AFTER GOING THROUGH YOUR MAIL,AND I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT SHOWS ME YOU ARE TOO CARING BUT WE WILL KNOW OUR SELVES WHEN YOU ARRIVE HERE .

AND THANKS FOR THE GIFTS OF COURSE I HAVE CHILDRENS WHICH YOU WILL SEE THEM ON YOUR ARRIVAL.

BASED ON MY MAIL TO YOU YESTERDAY,I WENT TO THE SECURITY COMPANY,BUT WE COULD NOT FINISH THE CHANGE OF BENEFICIARY THAT YESTERDAY BECAUSE YOU DID NOT INCLUDE YOU PHOTO COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT,SO PLEASE SCAN IT AS SOON AS POSIBLE PLEASE.

ALSO,I HAVE INFORMED THEM TO CHECK THE DUMURAGE STARTING FROM THE
DATE WE DEPOSITED THE FUND TILL NOW AND THAT IS THE ONLY BILL WE ARE TO PAY BEFORE THEY WILL RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT,ALSO ,I SHALL DETAIL YOU AS SOON AS THEY BILL IS OUT SO THAT WE CAN ARRANGE FOR YOUR COMING.

MY PAINFUL GRATITUDE TO YOUR FAMILY,AND PLEASE, RECONFIRM YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO ME BECAUSE WHEN I TRIED TO CALL YOU I COULD NOT GET THROUGH GIVE ME THE CITY CODE PLEASE.

THANKS

YOURS FAITHFULLY
JEWELL TAYLOR.

No, I am NOT going to send my passport, I'm going to ignore that bit....but here, please ring the BNP !

Quote:

Subject: Re: J.T URGENT RESPONSE ASAP
Date: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 10:21:34 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

I do apologise, I did not add the international dialing code to my
number. It does not have a city code as such as it is a number
through which I can contribute to charity, for each call I make �1 is
committed to my nominated charity.

Try: 44 0870 757 6267

Kind regards,

Jane Austen

Oh dear, I 'forgot' to send the passport....

Quote:

Subject: MAY ALMIGHTY GOD BE WITH YOU TILL YOU COME.MRS J TAYLOR
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 03:10:47 -0700

DEAR J AUSTEN,
I GOT YOUR MAIL,BUT THERE WAS A MISTAKE SOMEWHERE,DID YOU FORGET TO SCAN YOUR PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT?PLEASE DO SEND IT IMMEDIATELY.REGARDING THE SECURITY COMPANY,I AM GOING TO FINISH EVERY THING WITH THEM TODAY OR MONDAY BECAUSE THEY DONT WORK FULLY ON SATURDAYS AND AS SOON AS ALL YOUR INFORMATION IS BEEN CONFIRM,THERE ARE GOING TO CONTACT YOU ANY
MOMENT FROM NOW .

SO PLEASE KINDLY LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS THE GLOBAL ANGLE SECURITY COMPAN CONTACT YOU PLEASE TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE AND IF THEY REQUIRE ANY THING FROM YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY

FINALLY,THE BILL WHICH WE WILL HAVE TO PAY BEFORE SIGNING OF THE
DOCUMENT IS NOT YET OUT SO I SHALL GET BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY I FINISH WITH THEM,AND INCASE OF ANY QUESTION FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY,DO NOT HESITATE TO GET ME INFORM PLEASE.AND IMMEDIATELY WE FINISH WITH THE GLOBAL ANGLE SECURITY COMPANY ,YOU WILL HAVE TO START COMING BUT BEFORE THEN, WE WILL ARRANGE ON HOW TO RECEIVE YOU AT THE AIR PORT AND PLEASE WHILE GOING TO THE
EMBARSSY FOR VISA,PLEASE DON'T DISCLOSE YOUR PURPOSE OF COMING TO ANY OFFICIALS .

BASED ON THIS,I SHALL DETAIL YOU WHEN I FINALISE WITH THEM.MY
CHILDRENS ARE GREETING YOU J.AUSTEN,AND MY SON MIGHT CALL YOU TODAY HIS NAME CASSIDY TAYLOR ,AND BY GOD'S GRACE,BEFORE NEXT WEEKEND I WILL BE EXPECTING YOU TO BE HERE.

THANKS
YOURS FAITHFULLY
JEWELL TAYLOR.

Can't WAIT to meet Cassidy - is he the one who'll rob me blind ?

Quote:

Subject: Re: MAY ALMIGHTY GOD BE WITH YOU TILL YOU COME.MRS J TAYLOR
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 16:00:58 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

How lovely to get your email - I am so looking forward to coming and meeting with you and your fine children - Cassidy sounds a fine name for a boy - I expect he is too old for toys so would he perhaps like a laptop as well or maybe one of the new range of Gucci watches - they are all the thing for young men of good families here.

Don't worry about what I tell people when I get the Visa - I travel a great deal and usually get a member of my staff to deal with the mundane things like getting the Visa - it won't be any trouble at all.

To sort out the bill with the security company - I'll bring cash,would it be best to bring US Dollars or UK pounds - please give me your advice.

Shall be greeting you as my sister very soon !

Jane

Greeting you as my sister MY ARSE ! Now, have they tried calling me yet...

Quote:

Subject:
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 13:19:48 +0200

Dearest sister Jane.

It's amazing to know that you are not an employee or know
to the company telephone number you provided me with, I
need you to explain to me what is going, as am confused.

It is now imperative that you provide me with your details
including your direct telepone and fax number and your
company name, a copy of your international passport or any
form of I.D with your address, as we need all this
co-ordinate to enable us effect changes by fronting you as
the bonofide at the security unit.

Looking forward to your mail with the above requested info.

Have a nice day.

Mrs Jewell Taylor.

Love the 'have a nice day' - this email came about four times from two different addresses - this concern's Jane:

Quote:

Subject: Re: Informations
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 08:05:19 -0500
________________________________________
Dear Mrs Taylor,

I am getting confused - you have today sent me the same email but from different email addresses - I shall reply to this one as it the address you usually use. I am wondering why you have more than one email address - do you not get terribly confused ?

As for my telephone number, I have no idea why you have had trouble reaching me - it is my personal number not a company - you should have reached my voicemail - are you sure you are dialling correctly ?

I think I have told you before that I do not have a fax machine � I found it redundant as I do all my business via email - if you really HAVE to fax things to me I shall have to see if I can procure a fax machine from somewhere but really this would be an unnecessary expense for me. If you have documents for me you can scan them and send as an email attachment.

As for my company name - well, I am self-employed and trade under my name, and my address I have supplied you with before but here it is again. Try not to loose it this time:

Miss Jane Austen
The Rectory
Chewton
Hampshire
England

Please can we settle a date and place for us to meet and get this busines concluded ?

Jane Austen

Oh, getting a bit tetchy there...

Quote:

Subject: PLEASE REPLY VERY URGENTLY.
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 11:51:39 +0200

DEAR J.AUSTEN,

HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY,I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU .ACTUALLY,I FELT SO BAD AFTER GOING THROUGH YOUR MAIL,THIS MORNING.YESTERDAY,I SENT MY SON TO SEND YOU A MAIL,TELLING YOU HOW FAR I HAVE GONE WITH THE SECURITY COMPANY,AND
AGAIN THAT HE SHOULD TELL YOU TO SEND YOUR PHOTO COPY OF YOUR
INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT, BECAUSE THIS ARE THE ONLY THING THAT THE GLOBAL ANGLE SECURITY COMPANY NEEDED TO CONCLUDE YOUR DETAILS IN THEIR FILE AND AGAIN A FAX MACHINE
WHERE THEY CAN EASILY REACH YOU IF THERE IS ANY NEED BUT I WILL STILL DISCUSS IT WITH THEM SO THAT THEY CAN MAKE EVERY THING AS YOU SAID BECAUSE TIME IS GOING.

I WASN'T REALLY FEELING FINE THAT YESTERDAY THAT IS THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO SEND MY SON.CONCERNING THE PHONE NUMBER YOU PROVIDED TO ME,I HAVE TRIED IT SEVERAL TIMES AND SOME ONE WILL TELL ME THERE IS KNOW SUCH NAME HERE SO PLEASE KINDLY PUT ME THROUGH ON HOW TO DIAL THE NUMBER PLEASE.

FINALLY, AUSTEN JANE PLEASE KINDLY DO ME A FAVOUR,THERE IS A SMALL BILL WHICH THE SECURITY COMPANY WANT US TO PAY WHILE DOING THE CHANGE OF BENEFICIARY ON YOUR NAME IF YOU DON'T MIND, I WANT YOU TO ASSIST ME WITH THE MONEY.
US$645 DOLLARS ,AS TO SORTH OUT EVERY THING SO THAT IMMEDIATELY YOU ARRIVE THERE WILL NOT BE ANY NEED OF WASTING MUCH TIME IN VERIFYING SOME THINGS PLEASE IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.

FINALLY, I WILL NOT GO TO SECURITY COMPANY TILL I HEAR FROM YOU BECAUSE I WILL HAVE TO GO THERE WITH THE MONEY OR I CAN GIVE YOU THE NAME OF ONE OF THE OFFICER IN CHARGE SO THAT YOU CAN SEND THE MONEY DIRECTLY TO HIM BY WESTERN UNION.

AUSTEN JANE,PLEASE EVERY THING IS NOW ON YOUR HAND BECAUSE THE
PHOTOCOPY AND THE SMALL CHARGE THAT JUST CAME UP NOW, AND THE SECURITY COMPANY WILL CONTACT YOU IMMEDIATELY THEY RECEIVE ALL THIS INFO.SO PLEASE AND PLEASE TRY AND SEND MOST REQUIREMENT AS TO CONCLUDE EVERY THING AT LEAST I HAVE TRIED BY FEEDING YOU WITH WHAT IS GOING ON.

AND PLEASE DO NOT FAIL TO LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS THE SECURITY COMPANY CONTACT YOU,OR YOU CAN SEND THEM MAIL THROUGH THEIR MAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]

) AND HAVE IT IN MIND THAT BY NEXT WEEK WESDAY,YOU SHOULD BE HERE AS SOON AS THE DOMURAGE BILL IS OUT FROM THEM THE BILL WILL HAVE TO BE IN DOLLARS.

AWAITING FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY NOW.

LOVE FROM MRS TAYLOR.

I had been wondering when the first request for money would come...Jane's not sending a penny though....she's COMING WITH IT !

Quote:

Subject: Re: PLEASE REPLY VERY URGENTLY.
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 05:30:30 -0500
Dear Mrs Taylor,

I think I said in my last email that I DO NOT HAVE A FAX MACHINE.

I will also bring any money for fees with me and we can settle with
the security company then. I'm not going to send anything by Western
Union because it is not safe.

I will check the airlines and see what flights there are as soon as
you tell me where you need me to fly to.

Kind regards,

Jane Austen

Then it all went quiet.....

Quote:

Subject: I have not heard from you
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 11:03:18 -0500
________________________________________

Dear Mrs Taylor,

I am surprised that I have not heard from you today. I'm sitting here with my bags packed ready to fly out to sort this business out but I have had no reply from you.

I trust no disaster has befallen you and hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience

Jane Austen

That got 'em back

Quote:

Subject: Re: PLEASE REPLY VERY URGENTLY.
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 02:37:32 -0700

DEAR AUSTEN JANE,

COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY TO YOU,AND HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY? WELL, BASED ON YOUR LAST MAIL TO ME,AFTER MY EXPLAINATION ON THE FUND THAT THE SECURITY COMPANY REQUESTED FROM US,BUT YOUR RESPONSE TO IT SOUND SOME HOW WHICH I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

SO WHAT IS HAPPENING? HAVE THE SEC URITY COMPANY CONTACTED YOU,OR HAVE YOU WRITTEN THEM BASE ON MY LAST MAIL TO YOU BECAUSE IT IS YOU THAT IS HOLDING EVERY THING NOW,AND PLEASE IF YOU HAVE NOT,TRY TODAY AND WRITTE THEM.ALSO GET ME INFORM IMMEDIATELY YOU HEAR FROM THEM.

LOVE FROM MRS J TAYLOR.

Time for the lightest of slaps - why should I troll through the old emails looking for contact addresses:

Quote:

Subject: Re: PLEASE REPLY VERY URGENTLY.
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 05:51:49 -0500
________________________________________

Dear Mrs Taylor,

My name is Jane Austen, stop calling me Austen Jane.

I am waiting for the security company to contact me - no-one has been in touch yet and I would have thought they would be.

I'm not holding anything up at all - as I don't have the company's details how can I contact them ?

Regards,

Jane Austen

ALWAYS make them do the work....

Quote:

Subject: pls contact now
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:02:10 -0700

DEAR JANE AUSTEN.

I AM GLAD TO READ YOUR MAIL TODAY. I HAVE CONTACTED THE SECURITY COMPANY AND BELOW IS THERE CONTACTS.

GLOBAL ANGLES SECURITY COMPANY

TEL: 234 8033 800 294.

EMAIL:[email protected],or

[email protected]

ADDRESS:NO 5 ELEWU EAST DRIVE

OGBUDU G.R.A

LAGOS ,NIGERIA.

PLEASE DO CONTACT THEM IMMEDIATLY EITHER THROUGH MAIL OR YOU CAN ALSO CALL TO DISCUSS WITH THEM ON THE WAY FORWRD AND GET BACK TO ME TOO .

LOVE FROM

MRS TAYLOR

And as if by magic this arrives

Quote:

Subject: Att:Beneficiary(Miss Jane Austen)
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 07:55:41 -0500

Attention: Jane Austen.
We are glad to inform you that we have received the notification in change of ownership declaring you to be the rightful beneficiary to the consignment deposited in our vault by Mrs Jewell Taylor .
Please you are adviced to come forward immediately to clear the consignment currently in our vault .accompanied with this details .
1) certificate of deposit .
2)Power of attorney.
3) A copy of your international traveling passport.
Please note that we have not yet received any copy of your international passport which is mandatory to enable us identify you at point of delivery. also a ballance payment of 30,000 brithish pounds sterling beign payment for the following details bellow is also required from you .
1) Dumorage : 18,000 .
2)Tax clearance: 4,500.
3) Handling charges: 7,500.
Important Notice: The payment will be made to the cashier before the consignment will be realeased as failure to do this will result the consignment beign witheld untill the ballance has been settled ,also notify us as when you are willing to come and clear your consignment .
Please if you have any question don not hesitate to contact our help desk via email or contact our international delivery officer David Benard on this number 234 8033 800 294 for futher informations .
Best Regard.
GLOBAL ANGLES SECURITY COMPANY
TEL: 234 8033 800 294.
Email:[email protected] or [email protected]
NO 5 ELEWU EAST DRIVE
OGBUDU G.R.A
LAGOS ,NIGERIA

Jane's ready to travel.....

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary(Miss Jane Austen)
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 08:39:43 -0500

Dear Sir/ Madam

Thankyou for your email which is all quite clear to read. I am
surprised however that you do not deem it necessary to run a spell check on your documentation, 'balance' does not have two 'l's in it.

I am hoping to travel to Nigeria next Wednesday to attend to this business and will bring all necessary documentation with me then, which will prove my identity beyond doubt. There is no need for you to have a copy of my passport.

I shall send confirmation of my arrival to you soon and all necessary monies will be brought with me.

Kind regards

Jane Austen

Time for Jewell to do some more work:

Quote:

Subject: Re: pls contact now
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 08:35:38 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

I have heard from the security company who are demanding �30,000 to release you money. I do not have this sort of money sitting around - I will have to get some released from a savings account and I shall bring it with me. Unfortunately this means I shall not be a able to travel until next week.

Once I have checked out some flights I will let you know my travel plans - I would hope to arrive on Wednesday - could you start to find out availability of hotel rooms please - somewhere like the Sheraton would be fine,

Will be in touch again soon

Jane

Ready to roll....

Quote:

Subject: REPLY AS TO NO THE ARRANGMENT.
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 00:28:43 -0700

DEAR JANE AUSTEN,
GOOD DAY TO YOU,AND HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND,AND YOUR FAMILY,I HOPE ALL IS WELL.ACTUALLY,I GOT YOUR MAIL,AND THE AMOUNT WHICH THE SECURITY COMPANY WANT US TO PAY FOR CLEARANCE OF OUR CONSIGNMENT,PLEASE JANE THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR KINDNESS
TOWARDS MY FAMILY,BUT IT IS WHEN YOU COME THAT WE WILL KNOW OUR SELVES,AND PLEASE HAVE THIS IN MIND, THE CONSIGNMENT NUMBER IS BS/75/00A,THOUGH THE DEPOSITE CERTIFICATE IS WITH ME,AND I SHALL GIVE IT TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU ARRIVE HERE BEFORE WE GO TO THE SECURITY COMPANY.

ALSO,THE SECURITY COMPANY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS INSIDE THE CONSIGNMENT PLEASE,IT IS ONLY YOU AND MY FAMILY THAT KNOWS IT CONTAINS US$29MILLION,AND THE NUMBER TO OPEN THE CONSGNMENT/ THE BOX THE SECURITY COMPANY DON'T NO IT TOO,AFTER EVERY THING,THE WILL ASK YOU TO OPEN THE BOX AND THE NUMBER 123 456.

I LOOK FORWARD TO RECEIVE YOUR FLIGHT SHL.SO THAT YOUR HOTEL
RESERVATION CAN BE MADE BEFORE YOUR ARRIVEL.
CASSIDY AND THE ESCOT SHALL PICK YOU AS SOON AS YOU ARRIVE,AFTER KNOWING YOUR FLIGHT SHLD.
LOVE FROM,

MRS J TAYLOR.

Jane can't be arsed to read her emails again, and as I have another bait in Ghana going on at the same time....

Quote:

Subject: Re: REPLY AS TO NO THE ARRANGMENT.
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 03:23:47 -0500

Dear mrs Taylor,

I have one rather important question !

Where am I to fly to please ?

As soon as I know I shall provisionally book a flight

Regards,

J Austen

Oh, its Nigeria this time...

Quote:

Subject: FRM.MRS TAYLOR.
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 10:21:07 +0100

DEAR JANE AUSTEN,
THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.THE PLACE YOU ARE COMING TO IS LAGOS
NIGERIA.
LOVE FROM
MRS.TAYLOR.

I copied some details from a flight booking website - I would attach it but it's very boring...

Quote:

Subject: Re: FRM.MRS TAYLOR.
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 07:56:04 -0500

Dear Mrs Taylor,

Attached is my provisional flight booking - flying out on Wednesday and back to the UK on Saturday. The ticket is being held open for me at the moment - as soon as you send confirmation of my hotel booking I shall confirm the flight.

Kind regards,

Jane Austen

The security co pops up its head again:

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary(Miss Jane Austen)
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 05:09:24 -0500

Att: Jane Austen,
I really appreciate your correction .
However, i want you to understand that it is part of our services to receive and provide security for our customers when they arrive from there country . if this will not be much problem to you , you would be required to indicate your flight schedule and your hotel booking to us for security .
Note : Respond to this maill asap.
For:Global Angles Security Company
David Bennard (International Delivery Officer)

Yeah, right , whatever...

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary(Miss Jane Austen)
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 07:57:41 -0500

Dear Sir,

I have an open ticket to fly to Lagos on WEDNESDAY this week, I shall confirm this booking as soon as my local contact confirms my hotel booking with me.

Kind regards,

Ms J Austen

Jewell sends through an obvious forged hotel reservation which I would attach but I erm, don't know how !

Quote:

Subject: HOTEL RESERVATION
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 19:30:26 +0100

DEAR JANE AUSTEN,

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE .PLEASE FIND ENCLOSED A COPY OF THE RESERVATION MADE ON YOUR BEHALF AT SHARATON HOTEL &TOWERS , ALSO DO SEND ME A RECONFIRMATIOM OF YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE WITH YOUR NAME, AND ALSO MAKE SURE THAT YOU
WILL ARRIVE ON WEDNESDAY AS EALIER SCHEDULED, KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT I AM ALSO A FOREIGNER UNDER ASYLUM HERE IN THIS COUNTRY AND ALSO NEED TO BEEF UP SECURITY
FOR OUR SAFTY FROM WHEN YOU WILL ARRIVE AND YOUR DEPARTURE.

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.

LOVE FROM,

MRS TAYLOR

Here comes Cassidy as well !

Quote:

Subject: REPLY SOON.
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 00:26:54 -0700

DEAR SIS JANE AUSTEN,
HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY,I HOPE YOU ARE FINE.WELL,I JUST WANT TO CONFIRM FROM YOU IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE HOTEL RESERVATION WHICH I SENT YOU
YESTERDAY.PLEASE CONFIRM IT AND LET ME KNOW.REMEMBER ALSO TO TELL ME THE EXACT TIME
YOU ARE ARRIVING HERE .
CASSIDY,UNBEHALF OF MY MOTHER.

Better be nice I suppose, as he will shortly be robbing, er I mean meeting Jane:

Quote:

Dear Mr Taylor,

Thankyou for making my hotel reservation. I shall be flying according to the schedule I sent yesterday, in brief , Air France flight 854 arriving Lagos Wednesday 16:15 pm.

Regards,

Jane Austen

Bless 'em, do they really think I'm coming ?

Quote:

Subject: you will be well welcome.
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 17:51:30 +0100

DEAR JANE AUSTEN,
THANKS VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR EFFORT TO MAKE THAT YOU WILL BE HERE TOM.BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM,AND CASSIDY AS I TOLD YOU EARLY AND THE OUR ESCOT WILL BE AT THE AIR PORT WAITING FOR YOUR ARRIVAL
AND PLEASE KNIDLY GET BACK TO ME AND LET ME KNOW THE CLOUR OF THE CLOTHE YOU WILL BE PUTTING ON YOUR BODY SO THAT HE CAN BE ABLE TO SEE YOU SOON.THOUGH THE ARRANGEMENT HAS BEEN MADE INCASE, CASSIDY'S NUMBER HERE IN NIGERIA IS 08023819934.
BECAUSE HE WILL BE THE ONE AT THE AIR PORT.

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND HAVE NICE DAY. ALSO, IF POSSIBLE,TRY AND LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS YOU ARE LEAVING HEATHROW AIR PORT.
LOVE FROM MRS TAYLOR.

Yeah, they love you using your mobile just as you clear the runway...

Quote:

Subject: Re: you will be well welcome.
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 16:23:01 -0500

Dear mrs Taylor,

It's a good job I checked my emails before retiring !

The flight leaves tomorrow at 06:15am so I am going to have to be at the airport at about 4am !! I have a car booked at 3am to collect and take me there so I must get off to bed for a couple of hours.

Please ask your son to hold up a card with my name on so I can see him - I am a medium sized lady and I shall be wearing a pale coloured trouser suit - its sort of pale pink, and I have very fair hair and
skin.

I am looking forward so much to meeting with you tomorrow,

I will not be able to contact you again until we meet,

Best wishes

Jane Austen

And Cassidy double checks too:

Quote:

Subject: SEE YOU TOMORROW.
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 22:17:51 +0200

DEAREST SISTER JANE,
I JUST HAVE THIS BRIEF MESSAGE FOR YOU BEFORE YOU LEAVE,MY MUM SAID YOU MUST SEND A MAIL TO LET US NO THAT YOU HAVE LEAVE,AND ALSO THE CLOTHE YOU
ARE PUTTING ON AS TO NOTIFY YOU IMMEDIATELY.TILL TOMORROW.
LOVE FROM MRS TAYLOR.

Okey dokey....wait a couple of days...nothing from them so...here comes the bad language, look away now if easily offended...

Quote:

Subject: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 12:42:37 -0500

Mrs Taylor - I am INCANDESCANT with RAGE.

I have NEVER EVER BEEN so badly treated in ALL MY BORN DAYS !

How DARE YOU set up such a wild goose chase.

I arrived at Lagos yesterday after an extrememly LONG and BORING flight, to find - NO-ONE. No-one to meet me as we had arranged. I took a taxi to the Sheraton only to find the 'booking reservation' you had send to me was ENTIRELY FALSE. I was fortunate that I was able not only to book a room but also change my return flight to the first flight home.

I called your so-called 'SON' several times but the number would not connect - I suspect that too is FALSE.

You are a TWISTED, WARPED BITCH and I cannot understand what your purpose was.

I have given the two laptops, the mobile phones and the Gucci watches to employees at the hotel as tips and very grateful they were for them too. The very large amount of money I had smuggled out with me is now safely at home again and you madam can go and shove your head up your own *DELETED* and DIE.

DIE BITCH DIE

Was hoping for a death threat, instead got this !

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Sat, 25 Sep 2004 12:08:41 -0500

Att: Jane Austen,
Good day madam hope you are okay , please we have been waiting for you come forward for your consignment currently deposited in our vault .
Please do inform us if there is any problem, cause we waited on the date you were espected to come forward and clear your consignment .and also inform us on your new plan.
Thanks
David Bennard
GLOBAL ANGLES SECURITY

More righteous indignation..

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 2004 05:17:53 -0500
________________________________________

Dear Sir,

I travelled to Lagos last week and was not met by anyone, and the room which was supposed to have been reserved for me was not. I returned home and have emailed Mrs Jewell Taylor but have received no reply. I suspect I am the victim of some cruel confindence trick and have passed the matter over to my lawyers.

Miss J. Austen

They don't BELIEVE ME !!!

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 04:03:00 -0500

Dear Jane,
You didn't come to Nigeria. Perhaps, this was the agreement we ever knew. Your name was not on the airline manifest and if you would say you did used another airline, we checked the entire list regards the day you were supposed to arrived. Secondly, you have our telephone number and your partner's number and if you would say we were not on phone, the lines were very free for your calls.
Mind you our security men were standby at the airport with your name on a plain card till the last flight from europe arrived. so tell me if you were really here in nigeria how come you didn't see them. we are only concerned cause i see it as our duty to provide security for you as our client, but since you are trying make us look as fools then we would inform you that your that we have no other options than to send back your consignment to our headquaters pending when you are ready to clear, and lets get things striaght here you are no victim of any cruel confindence trick. we are the victims and this has to stop.
Regards,
David Bennard

Damn right this has to stop !

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 11:40:56 -0500

Dear Sir,

You got fucked good then didn't you, if you had 'security' at the airport with a card with my name on.

You got fucked good because Jane Austen was a writer in the 18th Century and is not my name.

I never travelled to Nigeria, I sat at my computer laughing at you.

You are a liar, and a thief - I have no doubt that had I travelled to Nigeria I would now be dead, or at least robbed of my money.

Fuck you , you pathetic piece of shit - I hoped I wasted some time and some of your money as you sit at your Internet Cafe.

Fuck off and die goat brain - got fuck yourself you useless piece of monkey shit.

Best wishes

Jane Austen

Jewell replies - not quite the answer I was expecting...

Quote:

Subject: RE: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 01:28:17 -0700
________________________________________
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DEAR JANE,
HOW ARE YOU,AND YOUR FAMILY? WELL,IT WAS UNFORTUNATELY THAT THINGS HAPPENS TO TURN BAD,WHICH YOU MADE IT TO BE SO,BY DECEIVING ME THAT YOU ARE THE REAL PERSON,WHICH WE HAVE TO FLY FROM UYO TO LAGOS AS TO RECEIVE YOU ONLY KNOWING THAT ALL WHAT YOU CLAIMED TO BE IS NEVER REAL,FOR YOU TO HAVE EVEN
SAID THE HOTEL RESERVATION WHICH I DID FOR YOU WAS NOT REAL,YOU ALSO CLAIMED THAT YOU CAME TO NIGERIA WHICH YOUR NAME IS NOT IN THE MANIFEST AS THE NAMES OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARRIVE FROM LONDON AS YOU SAID.

BUT ALMIGHTY GOD KNOW THAT ALL WHAT I WAS DOING IS FOR REAL,BUT I THANK YOU FOR EVERY THING BUT TIME WASTED AND ALL THAT MAY GOD BLESS YOU.AND IWAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU BY GETTING THIS FUND OUT FOR ME ,THEN WE CAN NOW NO OUR SELF MUCH,MAYBE GOD DOESN'T WANT IT TO WORK LIKE THAT.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS FOR ALL YOUR LIES.
MRS TAYLOR.

Right, rant time

Quote:

Subject: RE: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 04:00:59 -0500

Well you've got a fucking cheek haven't you ? I'm not the 'real person' - of course I'm not, dipshit. I'm sure that had 'Jane Austen' made the mistake of flying to Lagos with $30,000, two laptops, mobile phones and Gucci watches she would at this moment be dead in a ditch somewhere robbed of her wealth.

Get real, you are not a 'real person' either. You are a filthy, stinking, ill- begotten scammer who was going to rob 'Jane'. There was no hotel reservation, there was no Jane, there is no money. You are a CON ARTIST, a FRAUDSTER and a MOTHERFUCKER.

I have been playing with you. I have been laughing at all the work you have done to try and seduce 'Jane' to visit with her wealth. I hope you spent some money and I know I wasted your time.

Every time you try this trick we will be tricking you.

Why don't you go and get a decent job instead of bringing your country and your hard-working people into disrepute.

You, and people like you are making a laughing stock of your country.

You are a guttersnipe, a cock-sucker, a sheep-shagger, when you were born the midwife threw away the WRONG BIT.

Now do every one a favour and fuck off and die - slowly, painfully and in a most interesting manner.

Ko ni da fun Mama e, omo ale oshi

Seems I pissed off the security company....

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 04:11:21 -0500

Then got let your suck your mama's ass and your father's dick you fat ass bitch .if that's what you want you a heartles woman who doesen't even care about anything than to deceive people and raise there hopes i don't blame you i blame her excellency for not probing your profile before making you the sole beneficiary of her funds this is so shameful . and your type are the type that will run away with someones investment because i don't think you gat such amount of money and you have never seen that before that why you think is lie fine i will make sure i get my affiliated office in london to get you and have you charged to court for prosecution .
That is what i promise you
tell your mama to keep her dirty ass out k and your dad to stop fucking you from behind and stop drugs because you are nothing but a junky!!!!

Gloves off, not all mine though - copied and pasted a rant I admired because of screaming toddler at the time !

Quote:

Subject: Re: Att:Beneficiary
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 07:03:22 -0500

Right, you made an elemental mistake my friend, insult me and you let slip the dogs of war.

Her excellency is a figment of your own warped imagination you stupid cock-sucking little boy. I'm so glad you replied so I can tell you exactly what I think of you.

You are not even the fly which crawls on a piece of shit, you are so little and inconsequential. I waste yout time,I waste your money and I laugh, and all my friends laugh at you too.

Goat shagger, arse bandit, piece of arse-wipe. You dumb stupid monkey brained little man - so little and so pathetic. When you were born, the midwife threw away the WRONG BIT. You aborted foetus, you sad pathetic excuse for a MAN.

You get fucked on a regular basis don't you - right up your sorry little excuse for an arse by a much BIGGER MAN. You're not even a man- you're a sad inbewtweenie nothing with jelly for brains and shit in his pants.

You are a pitiful example of a Mugu. You couldn�t scam shit out of a hole in the ground. No, I have that wrong. You are probably such a bad Mugu that you have to earn your money by shovelling shit out of holes in the ground.

In fact you are worse than that. You like a little bit of man to man lovemaking, don�t you. Are you queer, a homosexual? I bet you are.
You are a small man who lets the big men have sex with them for money.I bet you beg them to do that to you!

Anyway, now that I have finished playing with you I have also placed your phone number on the �death phone� list. You�ve heard about the �death phones� haven�t you? That is when you answer your phone the caller sends ultra-high frequency electromagnetic waves to your phone. These It just takes a couple of exposures to these ultra-high frequency electromagnetic waves, and �Zap!� Your brain cells are
fired. One dead Mugu! Don�t worry, they say it's very sudden and not very painful.

YOU ARE A THEIF AND A SCAMMER AND NO_ONE HAS THE SLIGHTEST RESPECT FOR YOU

DIE MUGU DIE MUGU FUCK OFF AND DIE MUGU

I'm waiting for a death threat !!
Hope you liked, thanks for reading

[/i]

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Well I enjoyed reading all of that, I just love the way the lads still believe in their minds that the whole thing is real, even after they have been told that they are scamming scum, they still bullshit, it must be so real in their little minds that there are really millions, foooooooools, nice job Austen Jane Laughing

Read Ana L. Felcher v. Mary Benson here! · Master of Master Baiters Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 751

Excellent! That last rant must be the work of J.Dog - it's so ... J.Dogesque.

Guest

The last rant isn't J Dog - I think it was Angus McOatupp ! - Whoever it was - aorry for not crediting your work but I was under major toddler stress at the time and needed a quick finish.

I am studying Rookie's slapping work so I can improve !

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 6:18 am

LMAO, great job.

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 9:25 pm

you have inspired me to be really mean. awesome!

Guest

Do you know, I actually find it very difficult to rant, I want to, I really want to be mean, but in real life when I get angry I can't get the words out.

I'm going to spend some time getting to know my inner Mr Angry !

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 1

What fun that was to read!

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