Bad Mother...

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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 12:50 pm

Thank you looselips!

No I cannot take credit for that wonderful site. I believe it was created by D11 - back in 2007 but it's something that has seen a LOT of baiter use and many successful safaris have been achieved through it. For this reason we don't mention it's name without masking or abbreviating it to SSC or substituting a 1 for the I in forums open to the public because we never want lads to know it's made-up. Please edit your post to do this - thanks.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Jan 2012 Posts: 27

Crikey!
Done.....

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 12:58 pm

@ Phil. Which SSC you sending your lad to? Maybe we can get ours to meet!

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:07 pm

I'm hoping mine would go to Cameroon. Any chance of you sending yours there instead? It would be lovely if our lads had each other to get stredded with.

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:05 pm

I dunno. I'd love our stredded lads to meet as well. But I don't think he'll do the extra two countries. Mine's currently in Ghana, and I've been rabbiting on about Benin so much. He may chicken out at the the sudden change in destination

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:25 pm

Listen to us old hens clucking about our safaried lads like we already sent them on their travels. Anyway. Good luck. I chose Cameroon because I didn't think it would be plausible to say we were holidaying in Benin!

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:32 pm

I picked it 'cos it was the closest to Ghana. A quick visit to the Australian overment's smart traveller tells me, Camewroon is far more dangerous:

Quote:

Civil unrest/political tension

We advise you to exercise a high degree of caution due to political uncertainty. Presidential elections are scheduled for October 2011. There may be an increased in political tensions in the lead up to the elections. You should avoid demonstrations and large public gatherings throughout Cameroon as they may become violent.

Bakassi Peninsula: We strongly advise you not to travel to the border area between Cameroon and Nigeria in the region of the Bakassi Peninsula. Sovereignty of the area had been disputed for many years and was handed from Nigeria to Cameroon on 14 August 2008. Tension in the area remains high and resettlement of the residents of the region is being negotiated. Tensions also remain high between the police and security personnel of both countries and you risk being caught up in localised fighting that may erupt without warning.
Crime

We advise you to exercise a high degree of caution in Cameroon because of high levels of serious crime. Pay close attention to your personal security at all times and monitor the media for information about possible new safety or security risks.

Criminal activity is a serious problem throughout Cameroon. Violent crime is common in residential centres and on rural highways. Armed highwaymen operate throughout the country. Armed banditry is common in the border areas with the Central African Republic. Carjackings, muggings, robberies and petty theft occur in the capital city, Yaounde, and in the regional cities of Douala, Kribi and Maroua. In Yaounde, the suburbs of la Briquetterie, Mokolo and Mvog-Ada are particularly dangerous. There have been several incidents of robbery and rape committed against foreigners in Douala. Avoid travel after dark.

There have been a number of attacks by gangs of armed gunmen on restaurants and hotels known to be used by foreigners.

Due to the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS, victims of violent crime, especially rape, are strongly encouraged to seek immediate medical assistance.

Incidents of piracy have occurred in the coastal areas of Cameroon. In February 2011, two people died in a pirate attack. See our travel advice on shipping and ports for further information. The International Maritime Bureau issues piracy reports on its website.

Eastern Provinces, Border with Central African Republic and Lake Chad region: We strongly advise you not to travel to the Eastern Provinces, the border area with the Central African Republic and the Lake Chad region. Armed banditry, kidnapping and carjacking are prevalent in these regions. Cross-border skirmishes have also occured.

God I'd love to send him there...

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:48 am

^Sounds perfect, Chrys!!

Mike went quiet for a while. Maybe he was thinking...thinking...

I sent him a couple of reminders:

Quote:

mike we fly to the holiday this evening what will we do?

I love you Mike.

D xxx

Quote:

Hi Mike just to let you know they have satellite hi-fi here so you can email me when you get the chance.

It is very beautiful but very hot and steamy. I wish you were here.

Love you XXXXXX

Mike is hatching something he replies:

Quote:

Sweetheart, I will always understand you cuz you're mine and I love you so much. We have been through this together for a long time, and i want us to overcome it and be with eachother forever... Baby, I want you to let me know exactly when you will be withdrawing the £300,000 in cash and I will tell you what to do baby. I love you baby, and I hope to hear back from you soon.. Take care of yourself and be careful

Your Mike...

So I try to be as convincing as possible. A safari would be nice.

Quote:

Hi my darling thank you for understanding me. You're mine too. We have been together a long time you are right and I was a silly girl to think that anyone could take your place. Honey I already withdrew the money but it wouldn't all fit in the suitcase so I just put as much as I could in there and put my clothes on top and I also had some in my bag and quite a lot in my bra and panties. Good job I'm a big girl!! : ) So I don't know how much exactly but it's still enough for us both to escape and go away. Stephen has gone to look at monkeys today so I'm all by myself at the camp so PLEASE write to me if you can.

I love you. Love to Little D.I think she would like the parrots they have here. XXXX

Come on Mike. Time to kick off those flip-flops and get some hiking boots!

Love Phil X

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:30 am

Mike is a bit slow off the mark:

Quote:

Sounds good to me, I wish i was there to have some good time with you.. Are you still with Stephen,? Or have you gone for the holiday?

I reply:

Quote:

Honey I am here in the camp on holiday with Stephen. I already told you!!! Honey don't start letting me down PLEASE. Are you coming to get me? You have to help me escape from him because I love you/ We are at <snip>. Please tell me what you are doing. I will try to email you without Stephen knowing. Hurry baby I'm waiting for you.

Jeeze. Mike needs to get his thumb out of his arse.

Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:08 am

Well I tried to lay a guilt trip on Mike:

Quote:

You don't want me anymore because Stephen smashed my daffodil. Well maybe I should just give the money to some natives and throw myself under an elephant.

He didn't reply so I tried again:

Quote:

mike I hate it. It's too hot and too steamy and too full of bugs. Stephen thinks it is great but I want to leave. Mike PLEASE are you coming to help me or NOT. If you won't do anything then forget it and I'll give my cash to the poor people in the village and never see you ever again!!

D.

And he said:

Quote:

You're welcome sweetheart. I want to be with you forever my love and I am glad you have gathered some money so we can both run away with it , and have our life together with our daughter Little D together. What i want you to do now is that you will go and send 1,500 through WU to my name and address to cover all the responsibilities my friend have helped us with throughout when we're in his place. We've been apart for a long time baby, and I want to be with you now and forever, please lets make this happen. I love you always baby.. and i can't wait to be there with you wish am with you making love with you anytime you need it love.. just believe me love and everything will be fine and good if you have the believe in god

Mike XXXXXX

So I ignored him and he sent;

Quote:

Sweetheart, I know how you feel and I am feeling the same way too. I want to come and be with you but you have never done anything to make this possible.. You have this money and i am needing your help but you dont want to do this for me, why baby? don't you love me? or doesn't it come from your heart? don't you want to spend your money to take care of me and your Little D? Tell me sweetheart

To which I replied:

Quote:

Oh baby. You know I love you too. But you don't seem to understand. I'm in the blinking jungle! I've come on holiday by mistake. I'm in some awful camp int the middle of cameroon! How on earth am I supposed to find a WU? I've got all my cash with me here and need you to come and get me, PLEASE!

Think of something, anything to help me because I don't know how long I can stand it with Stephen. He wants my daffodil ALL the time and I keep telling him it is my time of the month but this has been for over a month and he is a doctor so he is growing suspicious.

I love YOU, Mike.

D XXXX

Couldn't resist quoting Withnail and I. Come on Mike! You know what you have to do! Get safariiiiiing!!!!

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 5:55 pm

The problem with cafe bois. Someone higher up the food chain - lets say for argument's sake a rat as opposed to a slime mould says " we hav not replied to teh donut fo a while send her a massage" which is passed down to the amoebas above the slime moulds in the cafe who after days of silence send me this crap:

Quote:

Honey you know i love you and i can't do a day without you. i can't stop thinking of you wish am there with you in person love.. am here thinking of you and you know i love you so much Honey

Mike

And then this shit:

Quote:

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. BUT HONEY WHY CAN'T YOU SEND ME THE MONEY SO I CAN BE OK PLS AM WAITING FOR YOU

Honestly. Doughnut deserves better so I sent Mike this:

Quote:

What? Mike are you serious? I know some Americans don't have a good grasp of geography but are you asking me to believe that you've never heard of Africa?? Are you an idiot? I'm in the blinking jungle I told you. What are you doing still waiting in London you numpty? I'll tell you what - why don't I pop along to the Tesco they have here in the middle of the safari camp and buy some crisps while I'm waiting for the WU transfer to go through??

Honestly I cannot believe you would be this dumb. I'm on holiday in the jungle. Jungle. Not blinking Paris or Rome the Cameron jungle!! With lots of money and a man who wants to batter my daffodil every morning and three times at night.

Jesus Christ! you make me so mad Mike Connor. Pull yourself together and act like a blinking man.

Doughnut.

I'm really starting to dislike Mike. Very Happy

Love Phil X

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

You know you love the idiot Phil! Laughing

Where else would the rest of us get our Donut fix? do we need a new anon thing?

Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:12 pm

Aaaw Phil, you know Mike loves you!!! I think he'd be gutted to think you were annoyed with him! Wink

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:12 pm

You're both right. Of course I love Mike - especially when he ignores everything I say and just asks for money again. This is extremely well written though so I guess I should be grateful for speaking to the rat now. He writes:

Quote:

Baby you see, we have been through alot, and I have been through alot
so as to show my love for you everyday. Why are you finding it hard to
help me with money that you have? Please I keep begging you everytime
to help me with this money but you keep saying NO, why are you doing
this to me baby? Have you forgotten that I am your love? Do you have it
in mind that I am the man you are going to spend the rest of your life
with? Why do you keep making things hard for me baby? Please don't keep
being this way, Do me and our daughter help, You know I love you so
much and I wouldn't treat you the way you're treating me now. Honey,
please Change your mind and Help me. I love you so much, Don't let me
down .. I love you always my wife ..

I'll reply later. With a picture of a map and a big arrow that says I AM HERE!

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:20 pm

I couldn't be bothered with the map but I think I made it fairly clear where I am:

Quote:

Mike. Honestly. You need to stop being a big fool and read my emails properly. It's not like you are a busy man. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEND YOU MONEY FROM THE JUNGLE. THE JUNGLE. JUNGLE. DO YOU GET IT. THE JUNGLE. I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A JUNGLE. ON HOLIDAY WITH NO SHOPS OR BANKS OR ANYTHING. Just JUNGLE. I have money for you here. IN THE JUNGLE.

Love Doughnut.
S1mba Safari Camp
Cameroon
The Jungle
Africa

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:39 pm

Mike - quite fairly - makes a good point:

Quote:

Okay Baby, so How do you expect me to come down to a jungle in Cameroun now when I can't afford anymore for flights and even pay up the Bills i got here? don't you understand baby? You're in a Juungle in cameroun, How do you want me to get to you? I can't fly to you just like that, I don;t have wings baby .. Of all places, why would you chose a Jungle in cameroun?

I'll reply tomorrow.

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:49 am

As MuzungutheHuntress pointed out to me Mike may be put off by Stephen's prescence. So I sent him this:

Quote:

Oh Mike. I know things are difficult and I really thank you from my bottom for sticking with me through thick and thick. I didnt choose to come here it was stephens idea. Honey he doesnt know about the money I have here. Darling I could get rid of stephen. He could have an accident with the monkeys because you know the jungle is dangerous. But then I would be by myself and I would be frightened. Mike do you know anyone maybe a friend whi I could trust who could come and help me if stephen was gone? I could pay them. I love you Mike please try to think of a way to help me.

D xxxxx

We'll see whether he takes that seriously but knowing him he'll probably just say he'll wait until the holiday is over!

Love Phil x

Master Baiter Joined: 09 Jun 2011 Posts: 197

Phil, has he replied yet?

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 12:31 pm

Wow Phil, you still have team Mike on the hook! Great job!!

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 2:13 pm

easter week - the lads seem to be taking it easy ... familial obligations & all ...