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Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:22 pm

One of my characters was baiting the IMF and then he had an accident in Bulgaria after the Russian secret services caught up with him. (After all, certain modalities were required for Western Union payments in Romania... you know, involving a bunch of little boxes...)

So a new character posed as an FSB agent (the former KGB) and claimed to have stolen his computer, explaining what a disreputable man character no. 1 is and how incapacitated he is in the hospital now, and saying that he should be taken on board for the transaction instead.

IMF-guy replied with "I can't believe that such a man could exist on Planet Earth." (sure, where else?)
And to hedge his bets, he sent character 1 (who is supposed to be in a coma in the hospital) a message titled "ARE YOU LIVING OR DEAD?"

Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 9:06 pm

I like it when lads actually admit the truth...

Quote:

Thanks for your mail and am really sorry for the hole story you just told me now but honesty is not my fort

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:52 pm

How's this for a job description?

[

Quote:

b]Mr. Paul Smith

FBI Agent in Nigeria

Federal Minister of Finance
ATM CARD Center.[/b]

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:03 pm

^^^
AND superhero! Cool

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:48 pm

Usual recovery type scam, most of it snipped, but look at the picture name that the lad had failed to attach at the bottom of the mail...

Quote:

ANYWAY I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A BENEFICIARY TOTAL FUND SUM OF US$12.5MILLION DOLLARS IN YOUR FAVOR,GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY.

REGARDS
AMBASSADOR TERENCE P.MCCULLEY

mugu pic.jpg

oops

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:04 pm

A ladette sent a script in an attachment.

I declined to open that, so I asked her to send me her proposal again in the body of the text since the attachment couldn't be downloaded.

She complied with the subject line "I RESENT THE PROPOSAL"

Well, Madam, I resent your trying to scam people!

Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:15 pm

This mugu wants in on the action after his job was cut:

Quote:

ATTN:MISTER GOMBER,

PLEASE DONT CALL ME FOOL,YOU DONT ACT LIKE GUY WHICH IS BAD OF YOU.I KNOW THIS IS A GAME.YOU ARE IGBO ALSO I AM IGBO AS WELL. I WILL NOT REPLY THAT WOMAN AGAIN ALSO I WILL NOT STOP HER NOT TO DO WHAT YOU ASK HER TO DO,BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME WHATEVER YOU SAID.NOW LET ME HANDS UP HOW CAN WE MET SO WILL CAN TALK ONE ON ONE.

SO I CAN TELL HER TO GO AHEAD WITH YOU THAT I HAVE FIND OUT YOU ARE REAL.LET US WORK TOGETHER LIKE A TEAM NO BODY GET CLIENT NA LUCKY GAME.IBU NWA OFOR IGBO I KNOW.BEFORE GOD MAN I WILL NOT STOP THE CLIENT NOT TO SENT MONEY TO YOU.PLEASE TRUST ME MY MAN.MY NAME IS MONDAY MY IGBO NAME IS KALU.I LIKE YOUR WAY OF WORK.TRY LET SEE ONE ON ONE MAY GOD BLESS YOU MORE AND MORE. I DEY WAIT FOR YOUR REPLY.

So he wants to meet the Chairman one on one?

Hmmm. IP resolves to Lagos

Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:20 pm

Quote:

If you accept i would give you the guide lines of how we can achieve this transfer of the money to your account.and we will shear the money 50-50%.

I'll have my notes intact, thank you kindly!

Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:03 pm

Yastreb, he's trying to pull the wool over your eyes and ram his deal down your throat. Just ewe do what ewe know how to do best, and he will end up feeling rather sheepish. He will go in like a lion and come out like a lamb.

Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:32 pm

Ezio, I can't hope to bleat your sheep puns, so I'll get the flock out of here. But before I do, here's something you might recognise:

Quote:

From Dr.William Bora the African Union Permanent Representative Ethiopia/Ghana. (I resent the Good news again Brother)

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:49 pm

Quote:

Dear Jeff,

Sorry!! You are thinking of security on $21,000 usd and do not think of security on 70 kilos of gold.... I must let you know that you are kidding... If you can't trust me with just $21,000.usd then how can i trust you with 70 kilos of gold... Therefore its important you come over to Accra Ghana... Or we can meet in Aflawo that is Ghana side or the border. If this is ok for you just let me know on time... bye for now.

george.

(trying to safari lad from Accra to Togo)

Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:39 am

This one is so goofy that I have to post several parts of it:

Quote:

Thank you for your email . I am Mr Mass Water legitimate, Reputable money Lender. We are a company with the assistance financial.Tenemos loan funds to individuals in need of financial assistance, which have a bad credit or who need money to pay bills or to invest in the business.

But the loan INSURANCE COMPANY is in Malaysia. (With over 13 years experience) is a private self that provides financial services with a flexibility that every day your bank can not afford to loan provide.Principal range of amounts of $ 5,000 to $ 100,000,000.00 dollars by course depends on the purpose of the loan applicant needs for your project.

The interesting part is our low interest rate of 2% per month and annually depending on the repayment period of 50 years.

And then after a brief but rather cluttered CV that includes this gem:

Quote:

December 1991-December 1990, visiting professor at the Monetary Authority of Singapore)

Time went backward?

He concludes:

Quote:

That is how little detailed profile of my car, I am willing to work with.

Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:02 pm

Barrister lad, in a very agitated exchange:

Quote:

I wait to receive the scan money gram slip and the evening.

No, you won't get neither Twisted Evil

(FYI, the sod just discovered it's payday. NOT Twisted Evil

)

Master Baiter Joined: 07 Jul 2010 Posts: 116

My new favorite line from a lad who's become frustrated with me. This is going to have to go in my siggy.

Quote:

You should know you are dealing with hightly well learning headed people.

Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:01 pm

I wrote to MoneyGram's Foreign Operation Manager in Benin Republic and told there is no MoneyGram office in my country. He said I could use Western Union to make the payment:

Quote:

I am happy to inform you that I have Finalized all the necessary arrange,As I told you before that I am 100% sure of what I am doing,don’t be deceived by any body you will only receive the fund now through western union money transfer now,don’t listen to any body and this is only money you will pay for this so go to western union to make the payment of $88 usd

Unfortunately there is no Western Union office either.

From the same letter:

Quote:

You may think that we are scamming you but that was a typical lie this is real and no one will ever scam you form this money gram and get away with it.

Great.

Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:21 pm

Here's the opening of the first email:

Quote:

Attention: Sir, (Fund Owner)
Dr. Camille White,
Based on the instruction passed to this Western Union Money Transfer department from the office of the Presidency Accra Ghana, your total sum of $5,000,000 (Five Million United States Dollars) can only be paid through this Western Union Money Transfer Department of Accra Ghana. This is to help us check-mate all the fraudulent activities going on here in Nigeria and Africa at large.

Cammy helpfully pointed out:

Quote:

There has definitely been a mistake here - I'm not a Sir and I'm not a Doctor either.

The reply was... well, your call:

Quote:

Dear Madam,
its a mister but there is a Available MTCN numbers in your favor.
please just do as instruction directed so you may receive the this money.
thank you.

Off script can be an ugly sight...

Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:54 pm

To my 17 year old female beauty therapy student, laddo wrote

Quote:

keep everything confidential because we don't know our enemies

She replied, somewhat scared

Quote:

Wot dya mean ENEMIES? Whos gonna b after us?

and Ive just received this

Quote:

What i mean is enemies of progress from your end.noboday will be after
us

So that's good, it's only enemies of progress i have to watch out for

[/looks round nervously]

Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:57 pm

Why would movie stars be after you???

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:59 am

Quote:

It dose not matter if you are dragon or not, what matters is if you have all the information the surposed next of kin/beneficiary will know to prove you the real next of kin/beneficiary of which i have all with me.

That's nice.

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 3:24 pm

sunshine wrote:

Quote:

It dose not matter if you are dragon or not,

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 1:30 am

Dying widow (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia - there's a lot of it going around - it seems to attack wealthy widows):

Said dying widow wrote:

I hope that I will be able to count on you while I wait patiently for the time to come as my bones are slowly cleaving into my skin.

Sounds really painful!

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:17 pm

Quote:

also try and raise $200 now so that we can tip the top officials in the bank

Top officials in The Bank of Nigeria can obviously be bought off pretty cheaply Laughing

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:24 pm

Quote:

Am quite astonishied hearing that word prostituted from you, infact it is an eye sow,what has such has to do with this?

Oink!

(I think he means eyesore)

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:07 pm

Quote:

I've told my late father about you and my planes to transfer money to you money

So she speaks to the dead and has planes to transfer money.

I think that last "money" was supposed to be "honey" but she has $$$ on the mind.

I am impressed!

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:21 am

Haha, normally, I'd put just some quotes, but this entire script is just pure gold. Laughing

Quote:

please help me my uncle want to kill me

My Name is Miss Precious Azhu, 24yrs Old Girl, From Ghana , i am the first daughter of my late father Chief Dr John Azhu. Who die unbelievable deaths on car accident on 24th December 2007 before the death of my father he left deposited 1.5millon dollar, For me, my mummy, two sisters and my only brother Ezekiel Azhu, at UNITED BANK OF AFRICA (UBA), now my uncles want to take it alone and live us ,

Please I need your help to save this money and which we want to transfer to you and come to you for our school and up keeping in your city , please if you do this for us , I and my family promise you 30% of the money, but we want to live Africa

I met the bank manager who advice me to open the account in your name and the bank will Load the money in ATM visa card and send to you,

Please all I need from you
Your full name
Address
Contact number
Your ID
i will Attach the Certificate of Deposit and deposit slip my father use to deposit the money when i hair from you and my passport with my pictures for our school and safety life, because my uncles are not happy about the money my father left for us, and they are try to kill us, and take the money, so that we can go to school again.
Hope to hear from you soon,
and also may God bless you as you assure me wholeheartedly that you will act accordingly as i Stated in this letter, always remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours truly

Daughter Precious Azhu

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