Scammer Genus

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Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 12:09 pm

The Final Judgment (Deathus godhicum) Preachy lad who 'being close to death' takes solace in the lord. Just as long as you don't phone them up to ask them how they are?

Quote:

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14:14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. Don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and the presence of my husbands relatives around me always.

Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:00 pm

The Ill Wisher (Gravus nutsia) Weird lad who would wish your character dead one minute then sends his prayers the next.

Quote:

THE REASON FOR THIS MAILIS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE NEWS YOU SENT ME MR PETER IS NOT YET DEAD BUT ALIVE

Quote:

ALL I HAVE
TO SAY TO YOU IS THAT YOU HAVE TO PRAY FOR HIM AS I AM DOING THE SAME
SO HE CAN STILL BE ALIVE .

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:31 am

The Courier (Deliverus tohellicum) Boring trunk box scammer who gives us several 'delivery' options. Or in reality 'how much do you want to get taken for' options.

Quote:

DELIVERY OPTIONS:
EXPRESS DELIVERY ( 2,500 GBP ) IT TAKES A DAY TO DROP THE TRUNK BOX OF MONEY AT YOUR DOOR STEP.
CLASSIC DELIVERY ( 1,199 GBP ) TWO DAYS TO DROP THE TRUNK BOX OF MONEY AT YOUR DOOR STEP.

Classic delivery? Is that like Classic Coke?
Looks like a delivery, tastes like a delivery, but twice the price for re-branded bullshit Smile

Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:43 am

The Upgrade (Powerupus deathicum) Lame hit lad who ups the stakes from "FBI WARNS" to "FBI and CIA WARNS" when the going gets tough.

Quote:

ATTENTION

WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR TIME IS UP AND IF YOU DON'T PAY THAT FINE OF $500 YOU WILL BE DEAD IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

TO BE WARNED IS BETTER THAN BEEN HARMED.

FBI AND CIA WARNS

The Singer (Chorus godhicum) Wailing evangelist lad who would damage your ears as well as your wallet, with his god bothering music.

Quote:

Dearest in Christ,

I bring greetings to you in Christ. I am most delighted sending this piece across to you. I guess you are a Christian in spirit and in truth, and filled with the free grace and blessings of God. I am by the grace of the most high God Evangelist Vincent Nnaemeka Abiaka-Rhodes, otherwise known as (Prinz Dona'Dongelio), which is my career and stage name. I am a rising star in the international gospel music scene and landscape. I am instructed and an anointed song minister per say with a specific clear-cut mandate and vision of purpose from the most high God.

Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:05 pm

The Harvester (Hannibalus nutsia) Lad who would like to buy our internal organs.

Quote:

Dear,
Team of Doctors are coming from India for kidney transplant here in Ghana and I am mandated to get someone who is willing to donate kidney before the due date of arrival of the Doctors.
You have the market let me know your price.
Note,I am serious.
Regards,

.. and serve with some fava beans and a nice chianti I suppose.
Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:12 am

The Instinctive (Instinctus nutsia) Lad who suggests that they can determine whether or not they can trust 'a complete stranger, they have never met, and never communicated with before' by instinct.
.. They will be appearing in the next episode of 'Heros'. *

Quote:

I have mapped out 25% out of the total money for your help and assistances because it looks stupid for me trying to confide in a total stranger I never met before. By instinct I am convinced you are an honest person and you have the capacity to handle this transaction with me.

*'Heros' being a T.V series where the characters have super powers

Smile

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:08 pm

The Moral Minority (Upbeatus nutsia) A lad who would support and condone a 'characters' murder, and offer you solace and comfort to handle your guilt.

Quote:

I understood the whole issues.As a human after having done such must feel remorse and guilty in spirit.Notwithstanding, it's done it's done and not reparable in life.The only issue left now is the outcome which is our ultimate goal.You must make up your mind out of it and never allow your heart to skip and I bet you in no time,you find out that it has become an issue of the past after our sure payout. Sleeping always is not the better way rather it could worsen it by you having terifying dreams consequents to your thoughts before having slept off.I exhort you give more time on watching movies like comedies and lots more.Those things that will impact happiness to your heart.Hope you did understand my words and remember,it would have been worst if he had woke and confirm your words illicit.
Now on the move of our success in what we have done so far,it's been long I heard from Mr <snip>.Last he confirmed having gotten one suspect on the death of late johnson and promised to bounce back to me as soon as he is through.Hitherto,over two weeks now I've not heard him again and I do not want to be rushing him so that it wouldn't look as if I am so much after the fund.So do you know what exactly that is going on with them now?I wish to know and will be expecting to hear from you.

.. he should try for a Catholic priesthood .. Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:20 pm

^^^ "...Catholic priesthood ..."
Did he advise you to abuse a child to relax a bit?

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:28 pm

Haha, no, but perhaps the baiter should try that on the lad.

(in confession)
"Father, I just bummed my way through a bevvy of choir boys .. now I feel so depressed. Can you recommend anything to take the edge off?"
..
"erm have you tried hiding in a bush and masturbating over old ladies sitting in the park"

.. "yep, gave me a headache"

.. "hmm, give a donkey oral sex"

.. "hiccups"

.. "how about you kill yourself, then have sex with your own corpse"

.. "hmm sounds like a plan, thank you Father I feel much better now"

.. "pervert ... *wanks harder*"

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 2:13 pm

The Lawyer Upper (Courtus tohellium) Aggrieved Lad who squeals for a lawyer when the thinks he's been a victim of a scam or just for non-payment for services rendered .

Quote:

REGARDS 2 UR MESSAGE, CONGRATS 4 D VICTORY IN DAT CASE,I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE SUCH COURT, PLZ I NEED A LAWYER HELP ME

The Font of No Knowledge (Fontus illiteratus) A lad who uses increasingly larger font sizes in his emails determined by how desperate he is.

Quote:

Sorry to border u with all these.
These mails. Bear in mind that hans never send me or tell me that some will send me the aclaim mail. I think is a method he uses to stop me.

Please sir check these mails and see how Hans feel he can dupe me because am from Africa and I have no right to sue him.

SEE THE BEGINING MAILS, HE NEVER MENTION ANY CONTRACT LETTER FROM HIM OR ANY OTHER PERSON.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IS MY FAULT.

PLEASE ADVISE.

The Devils Advocate (Satanus nutsia) Lad who believes that Satan is some sort of 'crime boss' who sends out agents to mess his life up.

Quote:

The agents of satan has stood on my way in building and establishing a strong brotherhood for my country

.. stood in your way?, you should have Kung-fu kicked them then. Reminds me of the 'Kung Fu Master Video game'
..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung-Fu_Master

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 10:04 am

The State of the Union (Unionus tohellicum) Lad who wants to send us our cash via western union in small chunks.
By all accounts you would have to make 360 daily visits to Western Union to get the total they suggest.

Quote:

Your email address was selected among our western union compensation list and that is why we are compensating you as a winner of the sun of $1.800,000.00USD via western union, and you will be receiving $5,000.00USD per day, all you need to do noe is to locate any western union office close to you and pick up your first payment with the below payment information givin to you. Here is the western union information to pick up the $5,000.00USD,

The Liverish (Hepatus nutsia) A lad who would sell you a slice of his liver.
Fried with onions, might be quite nice.

Quote:

Hello.
I found your e-mail adress on medical site of liver problems.
My name is Alex, I am from Ukraine. I am 30 years man, I never drank alcohol and did not smoke cigarettes, my blood is O+ and I have a good health. If you need liver transplant I am ready to give part of my liver, but I want to receive a big compensation for that...

sashakiev@( Y A H O O).com
sashakievua@(U K R).net

Alex

P.S. If you do not need liver transplant, but you know somebody who need it, please send my message to this person.

Feel free to find how far down the rabbit hole this one goes.

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:03 am

The Inquisitor General(Caughtus tohellicum) Lad who claims to have outed you as an imposter set to rob his organisation. Then proceeds to question you on this point, obviously in attempt to find out just who you are. Although never willing to admit that he himself is a scammer.

Quote:

The IMF has confirmed you to be an impostor and a lier after a meeting held by the IMF,you were confirmed to be an impostor

.. thanks Yastreb

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:16 am

Damn - I was trying to think of a title for that Lad to post on this thread...

Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:20 pm

Pipped you again .. sorry.

The Name Game (Namus tohellicum) Lad who surprisingly confesses that he is a scammer and had approached you under false pretences, then gives you his real name for another venture .. probably another fake name.

Quote:

Honestly I must be honest to you that my first proposal to you was a fraud latter and not real.
secondly I thought you was just joking like some of the internet fun play but now i can understand that you are real and serious.

...

However i would like to be a member of your church

...

My real name is Maximus and not chong because chong is fake name

... you don't say Maximus!

... Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:00 pm

The "How the mighty have fallen" (Godsux godhicum) Lad who suggests that deities have human failings and often partake in lewd activities.

Quote:

my love do not misunderstand me,please,i am not insulting you,its just that i was browsing to know more about your religion and found out that in your religion,that raping kids is the righteous path just like prophet mohammed

Before I get panned by any Muslims here, I do not personally believe that the 'Prophet Mohammed' behaved in any such manner other than entirely pious and am indeed ridiculing the lads strange suggestion .. phew.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Wow, there's a religion that condones raping kids as a "righteous path"?
I'm glad I'm an atheist!

Reading all these gives me the best laughs I've had in ages, but it does make me shake my head in disbelief that anyone can fall for such nonsensical garbage.

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:00 am

ScammedOut wrote:

Wow, there's a religion that condones raping kids as a "righteous path"?
I'm glad I'm an atheist!

Reading all these gives me the best laughs I've had in ages, but it does make me shake my head in disbelief that anyone can fall for such nonsensical garbage.

ScammedOut .. I've been finding these for over a year now and it does give a good insight into the mind of your average lad.
And does prove that they are the most strange, pathetic, criminal, dangerous, confused, illiterate, bullying, lying, sexually inadequate, goat molesting garbage that ever spewed from the foetid rectum of a rabid animal.
Smile

The Leaker (Wikius tohellicum) Lad who uses 'wikileaks' as an excuse as to why he had to change his e-mail address.

Quote:

Dear Valued customer,

Due to the Recent activities by Hackers concerning the withdrawal of our financial services to wikileaks, our mail servers were hit severely.

Our IT staff is working hard to resolve any issues associated with this problem.

Because we have lost so much time, We would appreciate it if you would get back to us as soon as possible via this emai

My PC has been playing up again .. it must be wikileaks hackers DOSSING me.
.. Priceless Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:38 pm

The Buzz Killer (Bissinus illiteratus) Lad whose attempts to use business speak or buzz words 'fail'.

Quote:

Hello,

I am Mr.Siong Ng Thian. I represent Mr. Zhang Chunjiang, Vice Chairman and an executive director of China Mobile Limited, in Hong Kong. I have a very sensitive and confidential brief from this top (executive) to ask for your partnership in re-profiling funds over Twelve point Five Million United States dollars. I will give the details, but in summary, the funds are coming via Bank of East Asia Malaysia.

Re-Profiling?
Does he mean that they got an expert in to give them a profile on some 'funds' that have been going around killing people and leaving strange clues, but the first profiler made a mistake so they want you to come in to do it again?

The Blag Bomber (Blagus illiteratus) Lad who believes that if he mentions fraudsters and fraud often enough in his script, that you will overcome your natural suspicion that his rant is pretty much bare word for word the fraud he is attempting to perpetrate.

Quote:

From: "EFCC FRAUD MONITORING UNIT"
Subject: ATTENTION!!! STOP ALL INTENDING TRANSACTIONS.

Attention,

After proper and several investigations and research at Western Union and MoneyGram Office, we found your name
in Western Union database amongst those that have sent money through Western Union to Nigeria and this proves that
you have truly been swindled by those unscrupulous persons by sending money to them through Western Union/MoneyGram in the course of getting one fund or the other that is not real, right now we are working hand in hand with Western Union to track every fraudsters down, do not respond to their e-mails, letters and phone calls any longer as they are scammers and you should be very careful to avoid being a victim to fraudsters any longer because they have nothing to offer you but to rip-off what you have worked earnestly hard to earn.

In this regard a meeting was held between the Board of Directors of The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and as a consequence of our investigations it was agreed that the sum of sixty thousand US Dollars (US$60,000.00) should be transferred to you out of the funds that Federal Government of Nigeria has set aside as a compensation to everyone who have by one way or the other sent money to fraudsters in Nigeria.

***Please note that we will no longer be liable for any loss, cost or expense whatsoever, suffered or incurred by You in connection with the fraudsters.
Be warned!
We have deposited your fund at Western Union Money Transfer agent location
EMS Post office Lagos, Nigeria.
We have submitted your details to them so that your fund can be transferred to you. We have paid the Registration and Transfer fees and for security reasons we have also insured your fund to avoid misappropriation.

Contact the Western Union agent office through any of the email addresses stated below;

Jeez,

, yes I was recently scammed and I trust you entirely my dear Nigerian friend, let me get my wallet .... oops ... I just fell down and now I can't get up.

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 9:46 am

The "Shut up Shop" (Closus tohellicum) Lad who suggests they are closing down for the Christmas period, so get that payment in fast.

Quote:

Note:The office will be closing for the Holiday by the 24th of this month,so if you want your parcel delivered to you within the next 48hours, then i advice you send us your complete address and telephone number immediately you receive this mail and also the insurance fee of $265 USD .Payment and Delivery information will be sent to you as soon as we receive from you, your address and telephone number.

The Pot and Kettle (Hipocritus illiteratus) Lad who sends you a rambling diatribe on your lack of English, in fluent pidgin.

Quote:

ANU MPAMA ABI NA NKITA BE UR NAME, HAHAHAHHHAHAHHA. FOOLISH MAN. EVEN SIMPE ENGLISH, YOU NO SABI. SO HOW U GO TAKE FIT READ THE BIBLE TO COME PROPHESY YOUR OWN DOOM. YOU MUST BE ARRESTED THIS YEAR. ....

SEE Y YOU ARE VERY FOOLISH, THE TIME U WILL USE TO GO TO SCHOOL, U USE IT IN CURSING YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FAMILY TELLING THE WORLD HOW UR PROSTITUTE MOTHER GAVE BIRTH TO U FUCKING ILLITERATE.

The 'hole' 9 yards (Burrowus tohellicum) A lad who worries about being arrested by the police for 'hole' digging whilst looking for buried treasure.

Quote:

BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE LIKE THE POLICE HAPPENS TO MEET ME WHY DIGGING THE HOLE , AND ASK WHAT I AM DOING THERE, WHAT WILL I ANSWER THE COP?

.. erm, how about ... I'm just chasing ferrets officer!
or, we buried my mother last week and I'm just checking that she's really dead.

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:38 pm

The 'Bit of Legal trouble' (Barristus tohellicum) Legal lad who doesn't like it when you involve another helpful legal person in his dealings.

Quote:

I don't like the way you do things, the tax office said that it is permited for you to make the payment directly to their account, without sending the money through any expert, stop that, go to your bank and make the payment directly to them, by yourself otherwise you shall regreat of anything you are doing with the expert.

It is not permited you to send such amount of money to an expert, such money should be send directly to the tax office account., so i do not buy your idea of going to send 5000pounds through an expert, he might eat the money and told you that he has made the payment to them, stop this nonsense, i do not want something that will course problem, so make the payment by yourself to the account which was provided to you, and be sure that it was send to them directly, i refuse your idea of sending money to an expert stop that please.

This tax expert, you are always talking about where did you know him, how long have you known him, i do not buy your idea of sending money through an expert, it is a letdown to the tax office, send the money directly to them, otherwise, i will stop this transaction with you, i know why i am talking like this.

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:28 am

Too busy for negativity: When a lad cannot take the slightest negative thing that comes out of your mouth. Even a simple no will be ignored or complained about.

Quote:

note that I shall not reply any negative talk from you because, been so busy and can not answer any negative word.

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:18 am

Not quite sure what name this should have...

A Lad wrote:

Quote:

I was just coming back from my village to see my mother who is very ill and the doctor whose taking care of her ask me for $18,000 for her drugs and all my hope is on this fund that we are to have, so please do something.

But the next day:

Quote:

My wife has been down in a sick bed for a long time because of a kidney malfunctioning and she needs a transplant. We are being referred to Isreal for the transplant at the cost we cannot afford. I have virtually spent all my life savings trying to save her life and now I am running debts.
My children has started loosing their motherly love and care and there s nothing I can do than to seek a way to bring back their mother home. So my dear What do you think that I should do? Watch helplessly while my wife die? "No" I will appreciate it more if there are better hospitals in your country where she can do the transplant so that as soon as the money gets into your account we fly straight to your country.

Jokes about small villages and close relatives… are expected.

Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:13 pm

Yastreb, It's just typical of the 'Sick and Needy', one of the more fascinating Genus, to be asking for money for a sick or dying relative, in this case the person suffering has been switched.
So how about

Quote:

The "Ill wind that blows no good" (Whosickus yastrebicum) Sick and needy lad who mistakenly changes the identity of the sick person in question, or the malady they are suffering from

These are some of my favourites from this Genus.

Quote:

The Minor Malady (Abitsikus desperandii) A lad who suggests that a bit of minor stomach trouble would cause him to give away his fortune.

This one came about as a lad suggested that he wasn't that sick at all but was still going to give away all his money to your charity.

Quote:

The Sob Story (Wailus desperandii) Sick and needy lad whose desperate and emotional story might make good script for a 'Made for Television' film.

This one had written a long and heartfelt plea full of drama and crisis.

and a couple of my all time favourites.

Quote:

The Zombie (Jasonus desperandii) Rare inbreed of the Lazarus and the Voodoo; scammer who comes back to life but stays dead in character.
The Inflicted (Nulsickia desperandii) Has some rare and unexplainable disease they have invented for the purpose of the scam.

I've got a new one today after a bit of a personal drought.

The Felicitous (Gratus tohellicum) A lad who annoyingly keeps his original signature congratulating you on whatever it is they initially suggested you were going to get, even when you are slaying them at every move.

Quote:

CONGRATULATIONS.

Regards.
MR.BONNY ***

And for Koko

Quote:

The Cathode (Positivus kokodkicum) Lad who would attempt to turn every negative into a positive and even suggests they are to busy to hear a negative word. No is not an answer.

Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:17 pm

Wowow, it wasn't the sick bit that I meant, but the fact that the mother and the wife seemed to be... interchangeable.

Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 10:12 pm

Yes sorry you Ninja'd me, I did realise after I re-read it Smile