Turd 2: Hector's Grand Tour: GOLDEN PITH AWARD pg 10

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Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:35 pm

MOD NOTE: I have split this off from the Simba thread because it's simply too good a bait to be buried on page 78 amongst other Simba activities. I suggest you refer back to that thread for Hector's previous adventures at the hands of Just Jane, Bohigal, and Doc Williams. Meanwhile, enjoy Hector's holiday predicament. Brilliant baiting! - JF

@Doc: I spoke with Hector a couple times this morning. He bought his plane tickets today. The flight leaves tomorrow at 9:45am, arriving at midday. He eagerly awaits his hotel information. I haven't told him yet that I found a room for him at the 'Safari Hotel' (across from the zoo!). Laughing

I was waiting for his email with the flight details to post everything, but I have to run out to do my Christmas shopping and a couple other errands.

Here is my call to him this morning. I love how he says he doesn't want to be stranded! In his call to me just now he said it a couple more times and also said he has little or no money (I sure hope that's true) ha ha:

Hector makes flight arrangements

I am crossing my fingers that this goes off tomorrow. If it does, I absolutely love the thought of stredding a lad over Christmas for a second year in a row. Last year it was Stanley at Abuja airport.

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:47 pm

@ Jane, I can't wait to see how this plays out. Very Happy

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your lad will have a very Merry Christmas. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 6:02 pm

@JJ you're the best!! I hope he has a wonderful Christmas in Maiduguri, and with any luck will ring in the New Year on the road to Cameroon!

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 6:40 pm

^^^
An added attraction to the location of the "Safari Hotel" is the amusement park with in the zoo:
FAMILY RECREATION & AMMUSEMENT PARK

The park is situated within the Sanda Kyarimi Zoological Park. it is an ultra-modern park which attracts many families, especially during weekends and public holidays. It has eleven (11) different rides and the outfit provides the much needed recreation and amusement facilities for the people, especially children and youths.

I see it will be open on Christmas Day.

added-
@JJ, I listened to the conversation and it sounds as if the lad doesn't want to spend much time in Maiduguri. On his way elsewhere, perhaps?

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:27 pm

I now have Hasshole using a yahoo address for our lovey talk, so I can check the IP if he logs in while in Maiduguri.

Here is the only Schedule I could find so far for his airline. The Abuja-Maiduguri flight is 12:45 so he may be lying Rolling Eyes

If you go to http://www.flyirsairlines.com/ you get

Quote:

System shut-down. Please contact provider for reactivation of the system and bill settlement

404!

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:05 pm

Okay, I was out shopping today and this mail came in. Tomorrow he's flying from Lagos rather than Abuja. He did say he had a layover somewhere too. I swear I need to radio collar this lad to keep up with where he is half the time!

Quote:

Dearest Irina,
In addition to our just concluded telephone.
Please proceed to get me a hotel right now and see to it that the
hotel is close to the airport in Maiduguri.
please ensure that you pay for the room and instruct them to use the
hotel shuttle bus transportation to pick me right from the airport.
Tell them you pay the room for the use of Mr.Axxx Hector who will be
flying from Lagos to Maiduguri aboard IRS Airline schedule to depart
Lagos tomorrow morning at 9.45AM.
Ask them to use their shuttle to be ready to pick me from the airport.
The hotel must have their airport shuttle transport bus waiting and
writing my name Axxxx HECTOR.
Irina, you know this is xmas time and offices we will be closing in
few days,there is a lot of trafic even at the airport.
You msut not wait for me before you get things done in the bank in
Maiduguri,i expect you to go to the bank yourself and to have
finalised arrangement with the bank.
I exepct you to have gone to the bank and in Maiduguri and make
available the fund we need in cash and bring it to me at the hotel.
I had a brief meeting with the delviery agent in Abuja, and we will
call him together once i arrive tomorrow.
We have 22nd and 23rd as working day,other days will be holiday.
We must get our business done quickly and discreetly.
So get things ready and done before i arrived.
I will go straight to the hotel from airport to relax and i expect you
to come and meet at the hotel.
I need you to send me the name,address,room number,of the hotel immediately
Please get things ready and make arrangement ease for me,i do not want
to get stranded just like Yankari, abuja, Gomber,Bauchi,Sakete in
Benin. Laughing

You know i have spent a lot of money,time effort to get to meet
you,but i am glad at last we will meet tomorrow, please make things
ease and comfortable and sorted out for me.
You know Irina,i have gone through hard times trying to meet you,this
time,i do not want us to loss contact, and i do not want to be
stranded at Maiduguri airport.
My internet may not work in Maiduguri,so i need you to keep in torch
with me on phone.
How is the arrangement with the bank, did you go there today?
Have they make avaiable the moeny to you in cash?
Please write back tonight and call me.
I am coming tomorrow via IRS airline route Lagos to Maiduguri.
I will be thinking aobut you, cant wait to see you at last sweety
Love always,
Hector

The last hurdle is the phony hotel reservation. Once we're past that then I think it will be a done deal.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 2:49 pm

The mugu has landed! Here's the phone call. He didn't quite understand what I was saying at first. When he finally realizes what's going on, all hell breaks loose. I don't know if he hung up on me or skype crapped out. I'm letting him stew on it for a little while, then will call him back.

Oh, and the heavy breathing you hear is Slaphappy

However, the stifled laughing you hear is me! Thanks Slappy for recording this for me.

hector at airportfun

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:05 pm

H3ctor still really hates Mr. Bernie, Doc. He's a "dangerous man!" Laughing

You will get a kick out of this call! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:21 pm

He totally believes in SSC and that monster Bernie! I wonder if he's crouching behind a garbage can at Maiduguri Airport right now.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:23 pm

Another phonecall coming up very soon.... Wink

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:36 pm

OMG, Mr Bernie is the devil incarnate. Bernie hacks emails and HE'S COMING TO KILL ME! And, he wants me to lie and tell Bernie that he's in Abuja instead of Maiduguri. He's really skeered Laughing

Anyway here's a 10 minute rant:

Bernie wants to kill me

He played right along with the gmail virus thing and will be using his yahoo to mail me. He is so easy to manipulate. I wish all lads were this simple.

Hopefully a good IP verification will follow, but I am guessing that it will be a satellite connection instead.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:54 pm

^^^It's the Gmail ChristmaxxxPorn virus that infected the Complaints Resolution Department's server. Good thing Sarah warned him about it! Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:15 pm

Wow, he writes fast. 81.199.148.179 = satellite provider, boo hoo!

Quote:

Dear Irina,

I have stress and disappointment when i arrived here in Maiduguri, why do you do this to me my sweety,i was all weepy for your change in plan, why will you bring that monster of a man to jump in suddenly to us.
Do you realised that havent work for simba for long, he hacked the simba main internet server last weekend, i was sent a notification by the secretary of simba yesterday that their main server has been hacked.
How come did not change plans just like that, you know i spent hours on flight today?
Cant you ask yourself this question why did Bernie suddently appear today?
Why was it that Bernie ne er wanted me to see you ?
Why did bernie gave me a wrong map in simba Yankari in nigeria in which i travllled for 6 days on road
Why did Bernie game me a wrong address in which i travelled from simba Yankari in Bauchi back to Benin?
Why did he not send me the shuttle or anyone to pick me up from the hotel he said i should wait in Parakou in Benin?
Why did he lied to you that he sent a staff name Svan?
He is a lair, every other staff of the simba safari knows this After you left Pendjari.
The owner of simba safari called Sir Winston wrote me and and ask me what was the nature of my compaint against simba, i told him all
He said that is unfair of Bernie to have done that , he said al ot of dissatisfied customers has has case agaisant bernie, He said he will suspend Bernie for the atrocities and he has suspended him.
Every sicne then Bernio has been threnthing to kill me anywhere he find me, i did not give him my address.
Two days back,a girl name Saral Bellum, who is the head as simba compliant department told me all about Bernie that about 200 other disssatisified customers has lied complin on the way Bernie runs and lie to clients
Sir winstons the owner told me he will compesate me for the stress i have gone throguh, i said no, i do not want any compesation that all i want is justice.
He immediately suspended Bernie with gratituty, ever since then, Bernie has been sending me nasty emails ,threnthing to find me and kill.
on sunday the lady called Sarah Bellum at simba safari customer complaint centre wrote me and told me that their server has been hack with a virus, that i msut not send mail via my glaim any more that they belevie the dangerous Bernie did it.
honestly, all other stafff in the simba has some beefs with Bernie.
I am sure the reason you can send me email via my gmail is due to the hacking, he msut have know i am coming to meet you, hecne the reason he fly in to meet you all of a sudden, please send him away,
Dont listen to him, i know he will tell you bullshit of stories and all sort of lies, becuase he has been suspend form simba
Do not tell me what we are doing,Tell him Hector has a delay flight in Abuja and he can not come to maiduguri anymore due to trafiic of Xmas.
send him away form you, do not let him know what we are doing and we where we stand
I told you and warn you about these peopel before, but you dont belevie me.
I faced hell when i travlled for several days to see you in simba yankari in Nigeria, i was sick and hospitalized, it never occured to me that Bernie intentionally does not want us to meet, instead he lied and gave wrong maps and directions so that i wont be able to find you,
Same thing happeded in while i travelled for 9hours form cotonou to Parakou, i paied for the hotel for four days, no one came.
I am now in maiduguri and i have left the airport check in in local hotel very close to the airport under a new name.
If you need to see me i will call me and i will tell you where i am but please make sure you are not been follow
If email is not secured, then you have to call me on phone to meet me, becuase it looks like our both emails has been hacked.
That man is dangerous, hew is a play, he told me he is going to kill me for making complaint against him to Sir wintons, the owner of simba.
allready the owner and staffs of simba already know his misconducts,failures and scams.
Call me.
Hector

FFS, this is so funny! Laughing

Bo, make sure you get receipts for this trip too. Add it onto the compensation due him!

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:23 pm

yeah, especially that hotel receipt. We want to find out where he has run off to. He's paranoid at this point, he might not want to tell Irina. Or maybe even Sara! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:29 pm

A freaked out "Hector" wrote:

That man is dangerous, hew is a play, he told me he is going to kill me for making complaint against him to Sir wintons, the owner of simba.
allready the owner and staffs of simba already know his misconducts,failures and scams.

I dunno. I kinda like Bernie... He seems like a nice guy.

Bernie is going to send him an email.....

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:33 pm

Don't forget to tell him you stopped at the gun shop to get a silencer put on your new .458 magnum hunting rifle. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:43 pm

"Bernie" wrote:

Hey, Hector, I know where you are. I know you just got here. I have been trying to negotiate. You have not written back. Bad boy. I know you are up to something here with Irina. I can let it pass, but you need to cut me in. Tell me how much you are making here, and what you will give to me.

I like Maidiguiri. A cool cat told me to tell you that I just stopped at the gun shop to get a silencer put on my new .458 magnum hunting rifle. That should make SH happy, knowdamean, jelly bean?

Write back quick. You have only a few hours to save your dick. I have men in the city looking for you, checking all the hotels. You can run, but you can't hide, motherfucker.

This poor lad is shitting himself in fear of Bernie... Hopeful the USD52,000 waiting for him with the bo-dacious Sarah in Cameroon will motivate him to buy some bus tickets.

I love this hobby!

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:49 pm

I don´t believe I snuck in a grotty cyber cafe in Madrid on my break andam sitting at a keyboard which suddenly goes cyrillic occasionally to find out-
Did he or didn´t he?

The phone calls are wonderful thus far.

It is fantastic how the lad´s built Bernie into a terrifying monster who follows him about the Continent.
I loved the hint Bernie is there to visit a gun-maker.

Perhaps the lad should take refuge in the Nigerian Air Force Officers´mess- I´m sure they´d be capable of keeping Bernie at bay.

Kudos to all involved.
On to Cameroon!
Ah, lovely, lovely.

Added-I´d not seen Bernie´s e-mail to the lad. Laughing

Wonderful wonderful.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:56 pm

What an imagination! All Sarah said about Bernie was that he groped her once when he visited the office. But if he wants to believe Bernie is a harcker, it's all good. Laughing

If he tells me about this trip I'll find a way to get a receipt. Right now Sarah knows nothing about it.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:02 pm

@doc: Very good! Laughing

He'll need to find the local dry cleaners to get the stains out of his pants about now.

@psychicbait: This kind of stuff is what we live for as baiters! I'm so glad you are getting entertained at the cyber. Tell the lads there we said 'hey'! Very Happy

He keeps calling me. I'm ignoring him for now. I want him to start feeling very lonely tonight.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:02 pm

This lad is a gem! Very Happy

I love the way you've got him so utterly derailed now. He's so screwed....

This was a great line:

Quote:

He immediately suspended Bernie with gratituty

Yeah, tip the guy when you fire him. Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 7:33 pm

Well, Sir Winston is a really nice guy, and Bernie's not too bad, either.

Hahahahahaha!! I am listening to your lad saying "Okay" to Bernie picking him up! Hahahahaha! Now he is explaining the problem with Bernie....

"Listen to Me! Listen to Me!.... Mister Bernie is dangerous!"

I love how frightened he is, and how he is asking Irina to tell him that Mister Bernie is in Abuja.

Can we find out what hotel he is in? If we can, "Bernie" can precipitate a fast check out!

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:28 pm

Email from "Sir Winston"
coming up.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:30 pm

Sir Winston Biggleswade Brixham St. Austell on the Moor, in an email to "Hector" wrote:

Dearest Hector Ayuso,

I wish to convey, at this time, that your reparations award application has been successful. We have agreed that the amount you will be compensated for is United States dollars 26,000. This should cover your emotional distress, your travel expenses incurred, and any other matters pertaining to the recent unhappy events. By accepting this award, you leave Simba Safari Camps, Ltd, and all of its employees free from liability, and free from indemnities related to any and all emotional distress, fiscal liabilities, indebtedness and future prospects in dating.

I am also happy to let you know that, by an amazing coincidence, you have been selected to double your compensation. We do this every year as a way to thank our customers. This means that we have a cheque for you for United States Dollars 52,000. In accepting this, I hope that you understand that it is not our policy to leave our guests stranded in harsh conditions. I also hope that you will come to think of me as a friend.

Bernie no longer works for Simba Safari Camps, Ltd.

We are having a special party for invited guests at Simba Safari Camp, Cameroon, and you are one of a handful of invited guests. Sarah Bellum will be there, and I believe she will be seinding a proper invitation soon. That is over Christmas,from the 24th through the 27th. I am sorry for the delay in sending this invitation, but we are simply swamped with work, especially as we are still looking for a manager in the wake of Mr. Rhodes departure.

From the 28th through the 2nd of January, we are having our annual employee workshop, with marketing agents and employees from the various SImba camps meeting. While part of this is work, we do tend to have a good time, and I would very much like it if you would attend that. You mentioned previously that you would like to work with us, and I am open to that. This is a chance for you to meet us and see if working for our company is an attractive option. We pay very well, expect a lot of work from our employees, and they all get 90 days paid holiday every year,

I will have the cheque prepared tomorrow, and will have it for you when we meet in Cameroon. I know Sarah is hoping to meet you and bring you into the Simba Safari company. You will find that we are very much like a large family.

Again, thank you so much for your understanding in this, and for keeping the name of Simba Safari Camp, Ltd. out of the press, and out of the courts.

I do so look forward to meeting you.

Most sincerely warm regards,

Sir Winston

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:36 pm

Simba's computer techs should have harcker Bernie's virus cleaned up very soon, so Sarah can get back in touch. I see I need to job up a formal invitation!

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