Turd 2: Hector's Grand Tour: GOLDEN PITH AWARD pg 10

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:27 am

^^^not sure, but I think it involves goats....

JJ, I love Bernie the Bad. Mostly he is helpful, accommodating, the sort who would manage a safari camp and listen, raptly, as clients describe the ball bearing business in Dayton, Ohio. Now he gets to be the mean and scary ex employee....

"Bernie the Bad" wrote:

Good morning, shit bird. Christmas was yesterday.

Lets get down to tacks. I know that Irina has $150,000 for you. I KNOW, okay Do n't even lie to me. And I also know that Sir Winston has $52,000 for you, so that is $202,000 you are collecting. So, when you offer me half of $30,000, I know what you really meant is half os $102,000. I only want $100,000, not $101,000, so you get a little extra, since it was Christmas yesterday and I am such a nice guy.

Also, you need to pay me before you go to Cameroon. I won't be at that party, so, if you want to keep that pathetic little gristle you call a dick, you better have my money soon. I am tired of waiting. I have the EFCC ready to stick your ass in a small cell, and some other guys ready to feed you to a hippo. Pay up, or feel the consequences.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:55 am

^^^

Ah, how differently this is turning out for H3ctor than what he must have imagined when he boarded that plane to M just a couple of days ago.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:23 am

Hi SOOI! How ya doin', sunshine?

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:27 am

Sarah has sent the Employee Workshop agenda to Hector from her work account.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Hector:

I am forwarding the schedule for the Simba Employees Workshop which takes place Dec 28 to Jan 2. Sir Winston has slated the presentation of your refund and sweepstakes money for the Board of Directors meeting on Jan 2. However your formal invitation entitles you to join us at any time during the workshop in either Korup or Keleo.

Sir Winston has also indicated that you are considering employment with Simba Safaris Ltd. That is wonderful news and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavour. Please note that the first rounds of interviews will take place in Keleo during scouting for the planned new Simba Camp. Again, you are welcome to join us in Keleo which is easily reached from Yaounde, Maiduguri, or N'Djamena. Please remember to bring your current resume and the names of three references to the interviews. Best of luck in your application!
Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Sarah Bellum
Complaints Resolution Specialist
Simba Safaris Ltd.

@JustJane: I think it would be great having TheLovelyJill play Sarah again on the phone when the time comes. For now Hector has conveniently given us an out on the phone thing with his fear of the harcker. He's baiting himself again!

@psychicbait: How you get banned in Cameroon is best left to the imagination, which I hope Hector's is fertile.

@Doc: I'm allergic to squirrels!

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:33 am

To prove that he's in Maiduguri I have tried several times to call the hotel where he says he's staying. I only want to ask the front desk to connect me to his room. It's a BIG assumption that they even have phones in the rooms there but one can hope! Anyway, there was only one number I could find on the internet and when I try it, it says that the 'number is incorrect'.

I'll have to keep thinking how to establish his whereabouts. His IP address has been all satellite.

He finally stopped calling my baiter phone about 2 hours ago.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:38 am

^^^Maybe get him to send you a picture of himself at some prominent Maiduguri landmark? I'm sure we can come up with a good reason for this request. Maybe you feel safe from Bernie's men if you meet him in a well-trafficked public place.

At some point I can have Etta in Accounting ask for H's travel receipts for Cameroon so he can be reimbursed for the job interview. Sarah did already mention that Keleo is convenient to Maiduguri, so he has an out for being there.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:10 am

^^^ And, of course, he'll be safe from Bernie the Bad in Cameroon.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 11:14 am

I love Big Bad Bernie!

What a wonderful example of dedication, working on Christmas Day!
You three are great. clapping

How do I stop laughing?? Very Happy

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 1:46 pm

I think I gave this lad 20 minutes yesterday, after eating too much.

A conciliatory "Hector", in a fit of honesty wrote:

mr. Bernie,You are correct, i know you know it all. As you can see i
have not receive the money yet.kindly make work,and i will pay your
half. We are partners,

"Bernie" wrote:

Let me tell you something: if you fuck around, I will find you. If you try to run, I will find you. If you cross me, I will find you. If you hurt either Irina or Sarah, I will find you.

I want my money. I expect $100,000 from you. If you try to avoid paying, I will take you apart, piece by piece. You would not be the first person I have done it to.

We better be partners.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:10 pm

"Hector wrote:

mr. Bernie, i cant fuck up and i can cross you, we have a deal,we are
partners,now tell me where do you want your half paid once i have the
money? As you know i have not receive any dime as of now

I am gobsmacked as to how to respond.

JJ, with your blessing, I would like to tell him you are leaving Maidiguiri to head for some other location, which will put him on track to head to Lac Maga to meet Sarah. Then we can manipulate him towards the SSC when he cannot find the meeting, and, then, when he is in Yaounde, I can tell him you are now in (insert devious location of choice), and you have the cash, and are ready to pay, getting him to travel back, since your pay off is bigger than Sarahs. Once he arrives too late, we send him back to Sarah.

I have holiday stuff to do, so will get back to him in a few hours. JJ and Bo, let me know what the best course of action is now that I am "partners" with Hector.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:31 pm

Doc: I just sent a message to him minutes before you posted, but I think I've played into your strategy. I'm trying one last ditch effort to get proof of his location. Irina will be prevented from meeting him once again and will have to leave for her new assignment in Melabo. I believe I told him before I was going to Douala or Younde before stepping off to Melabo.

Day 5 and the H-man says he's still there:

Quote:

yes,i am still there,how do u want us to meet

Irina sent him this. I hope he sends the photo:

Quote:

hector i am being careful coz i am scared. do u have a camera on ur phone? b4 i meet u i want to see exactly wher u r. we can meet at ultramodern hospital only if u email me give me pic of urself in front of the sign for hospital or in front of ambulance with name of hospital on side. if i see that i know u are really there and not some trick of mr bernie to get me there. i need to see ur face and the name of hospital in pic. please do soon i have to leave for cameroon in couple days

please i want to meet u!

irina

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 8:55 pm

Hector wrote:

mr. Bernie, now that we are even as partners with common goal. I cant
fuck up,i cant cross you,and i cant run away from you. We both are on
the same side,so relax and be rest assure that your half will be paid
and deliver to you accordingly. I know you are monitoring the whole
thing,i know you have hack all email messages as we as phone calls.you
should know that i have not receive any dime as of now,but when i do,i
will settle you,tell me where do you want your paid ? Lets work
together confidentially and save,you must count on me on this. I
understand you will money for your camp in ethopia

JJ, this works well. I am beginning to think what a partnership with Hector might look like. I am going to ask him to tell you I am actually a good man. My eventual goal is to go chop his dolla. I am unsure of a time frame.

Also, I am thinking of telling him about the vault at Simba Liberia, and that I have inside information that there is 2.8 million dollars in cash, with another 3.4 million euros. I have the combination, and an inside person, which you can play, and with Bo acting as an added incentive, we can keep this guy moving. That way, if I chop his dolla, and he gets frustrated trying to find Sarah, we can get him to head towards Liberia.

As long as he is called away from Cameroon before he gets to the chimpanzee camp and finds out there is no camp, we can keep this guy moving.

Bo and JJ, your thoughts?

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:08 pm

Bo, I forgot to respond to this:

Bohigal, well, she wrote:

@Doc: I'm allergic to squirrels!

I assure you that, when properly BBQ'd, you should not get any allergic reaction.

A jolly Sir Winston, unaware that Hector sat out the holidays, alone, in a hotel, in a strange town, fearing for his life, and pursuing a large sum of money that does not exist, wrote:

Dear Hector,

I do so hope that your Christmas was filled with cheer, that you were surrounded by family members and loved ones, Twisted Evil

and that you are preparing for a prosperous an most fruitful 2010. Have you finished making travel arrangements? I was so sad that you were not here over the holiday, but I am sure that being at home with yhour family was much more exciting tan being here with us. However, if you do end up working for Simba Safaris, you will, too, be just like family to all of us.

Please do keep Sarah informed about your travel arrangements, and I shall look forward to seeing you in Cameroon with the utmost anticipation and joy.

If you should have any questions, please direct them to Sarah or Dr. Williams, who should be contacting you. He is the interim head of our business until such time as a firm replacement for Mr. Rhodes can be found.

Once again, belated seasonal greetings to you and your whole family.

Most sincerely, I remain, as ever,

Sir Winston

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:27 pm

"Bernie" wrote:

Look, you gotta get Irina to trust me. I can help you to get the funds, but she is very scared right now and ready to leave Maidiguiri.

She is asking you to take a picture in front of the hospital, right? Well do that! Do it in the morning, and get a fucking photo to her! She is about ready to run! You also need to tell her that actually, I am a really nice guy, and that what you told her was a mistake. Then, after that, you head to Cameroon, and get the balance of money from Sir Winston.

Then there is an even bigger pay out. You be my partner, and I can help you.

I can't tell you all the details, but I know where a great deal of money is, and have an inside source watching it. Thsi money from Irina and Sir Winston is only chicken feed. I am talking about BIG MONEY. You want $2,500,000 in cash, maybe up to $4,000,000? I know where it is, but I can't get to it. I have all the access codes, and, best of all, I have an inside man who can get you to the door of the vault, undetected, and help you load funds. I am not going to tell you more until after we get these funds from Irina and then from Sir Winston, but, if we pull this off, then we can do this next job, together, not some sneaky little shit like you are doing, I mean, make enough money to never work another day in your life.

Again, cross me, and I will fucking chop you into very small pieces, and feed you to chickens. Lets be friends.

Cordially,

Bernie

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 12:09 am

JJ, your pith helmet will be delivered tomorrow.

Hector wrote:

mr. Bernie, i will just as you have instruted in the morning.i promise
i wont fail or cross you,i will be loyal to you have my word on
that.we are partners. I will keep you informed

Watch for that photo!

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:07 am

A few mails came in while I was off doing family stuff. I had asked for the phone number of the hotel that Hector gave me. I called it and the man identified himself as with the hotel but then we were abruptly cut off. I checked the number on the international numbering website and it comes back a mobile phone, not a landline as I had hoped. Bah!

Quote:

irina, the phone of desk is xxxxxxxx. Call and confirm. Will you come tonight? Hector

Quote:

irina,i expect you to understand the hardship i am undergoing for days now in this town,i need u to come see me at the hotel early in the morning,be unotice.please use a local phone to call me,it is safer,dont be scared,we will be ok. I miss u,hector

Quote:

irina, dont be scared and dont worry about a thing. I love you too. Hector

Irina replied:

Quote:

hector, i tried the number you gave me and the man hung up on me and he didn't sound like a hotel man. pls can u try to get the picture like i askedd? there has to be someone with a phone in camera who can do that for u. pls? all i need is u in front of sign for hostpital. i am scared of being tricked, pls do it for me? i gotta know its u

love

irina

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 8:25 am

^^^
I do hope Irina isn't disappointed in H3ctor.
I wonder what Bernie the Bad thinks of her difficulties in reaching the hotel reception?

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 1:07 pm

"Hector" wrote:

Sir Winston,
Xmas greetings from me and my family to you.
I want to use this medium to thank you for you
understanding,support,generousity and above all your care to towards
me.
I promise and swear to you that i will be obedient, honest diligent
while working with you.
I make arrangement to be with you this week sir.
I cant wait to meet you personally sir.
I will inform sarah about plans.
Thank you sir.
Best regards,
Hector

Lets see how loyal he is when he is sent to rob $8,900,000 from the vault at the SSC in Liberia....

A frustrated"Bernie", waiting for Hector to send a photo wrote:

You are fucking up. Where is that photo she asked for? She is going to leave very soon. If she leaves, and you have not gotten me my half of that money, I am going to be very unhappy.

Get the fucking photo before I lose my patience. No more Mr Niceguy.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:13 pm

Hector wrote:

mr. Bernie, please calm down ,i will do the photo. I will let u know

Bernie wrote:

Ok? WHEN? Like, well, NOW? Its already well after noon, and you said
you would do it this morning.

Don't fuck this up.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:23 pm

Somehow I doubt we'll be singing Auld Lad Syne together.

Quote:

My baby,
Meery Xmas and Happy new year in advance.
How are you honey? couldnot sleep ,just thinking of you, i cant
imagine life without life without you, you have changed my life.dont
worry, i will be with you preety soon
I love you
Hector

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:29 pm

Is he still on Gmail with you? If possible, try to get him on Yahoo.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:36 pm

^^^I will try something with the Gmail XXXmasPorn virus.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:51 pm

Bo, that would be great. Bernie and Sir Winston do not know he has Yahoo accounts, but Irina does. All I want is to confirm his IP, and then Irina will leave with her funds.

I had thought about dolla chopping him, but I think it would be more useful to have had "the one that got away" be his fault, towards setting him up for the Liberian safari.

"Hector" wrote:

sir, i do not have a camera phone, i am inside town trying to get a
cameraman to do this. I assure you things will work out. I wont fuck
up

How much you wanna bet he will fuck up! Laughing

"Bernie" wrote:

Dammit! She is going to leave very soon. Get that fucking photo or I will rip your fucking heart out and feed it to you.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 4:31 pm

"Bernie", once again, frustrated with laddies incompoetence, laaziness and general ineptitude wrote:

Motherfucker, it is late afternoon. Soon it will be dark. She is going to leave soon if you do not get that fucking photo. I am so fucking angry at you right now. A simple thing she asked for, a sincgle fucking photo, and you are fucking this up. How can we be partners if you can't do your job? You are this close to getting the money, this fucking close, and, loook at you? You can't even get a fucking photo at the fucking hospital, you dumb *DELETED*.

Don't fuck this up. I might just chop you to small pieces with a rusty bayonet for making me tense. I am going to get some whiskey. You had better have that photo when i come back.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 4:39 pm

Quote:

Dear Irina,
I had to go out of hotel to look for a camera man to come along with me to take my pic at the hospital.herein attarched is me there.also attarched is the receipt.
please delete attarchedment and the message once you have read it to avoid interception and interferences.
I hope now your mind is at rest,dont be scared my sweetest,we will be okay
pelase let me know when and what time prompt you will meet me.Dont forget my gifts,be discreet.
I love you
Hector

He also attached the receipt scan for his hotel bill. He did use a different name.

Turd 2: Hector's Grand Tour: GOLDEN PITH AWARD pg 10	View next topic View previous topic