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 Turd 2: Hector's Grand Tour: GOLDEN PITH AWARD pg 10

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Just Jane
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:52 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^Appropriately, he took his first safari on April 1 (April Fool's Day) Laughing The second one was about two weeks later. Then he sent a UK laddie for a webcam meeting at Belushi's in London at the end of May. I ignored him for a little bit, then picked up with him again for the two 55C trips, and now Maiduguri.

Each time he travels he seems to get funnier and funnier. I can't wait to hear what happens next!

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SlapHappy
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Very Happy Great writing, Doc and Bo! Very Happy I never thought this lad would even consider another trip to a 55C. He's chock full of surprises. If you two can talk him into getting into that camp (give him good directions, this time), maybe Bernie can have another talk on the phone with a lad and the female park official like in juju4u's safari. Perhaps "Bernie" can intimate that H3ctor is a fraudstar? Wink Laughing

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:46 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

No word from lad in any of my email accounts. Any further word from him JJ&SH?

This lad has been a trophy machine. Bo's forms are incredible. Ear print!

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Just Jane
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

He's been calling non-stop overnight. I haven't responded. Today I got a mail from a new address of his:

Quote:
Irina,
What is going on. I sent you several emails message from my Yahoo and gamil account, it read message successfully sent and delivered, but no response from you. I have called you phone several times too, you did not pick up. Tell me what is going on with your gmail account, are you sure you have not been hacked, or someone has your password and keep delecting your new incoming messages. Please call me immediately.

Hector


This morning from my gmail account I sent two words:

Quote:
Help me


Laughing

Edit: And damn, the IP address for the new email still shows 'satellite'. I guess I'll need to be patient to get my proof of safari.

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Just Jane
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:04 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Sorry for the double post! I am at work today so when Hector called my baiter phone I decided to answer. I'm sorry there's no recording when he calls me. I can only record when I call him.

I told him that I'd meet him tonight at his hotel, thereby guaranteeing him a stredded Xmaxx. Along with the regular paranoia about Bernie and hacked email messages, he said he was bored and frustrated. How sad!

He gave me his hotel name and room number. I will get busy now to confirm his presence at that hotel so I can claim my pith! I want my pith!!

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:27 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

You deserve a pith! Also, a lad stredded for Christmas? Lovely!

Edited to add:
"Hector" wrote:
Sir Winston,
Thank you so much for you message.
I will do as you have instructed sir
Best regards,


So, shit bord will be stredded for Christmas and, hopefully, New Years!

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Last edited by dr stephen williams on Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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conga22
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ can the mods not do a special santa icon for stredding at xmas? Cool

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Juan Freizwidatt
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

clapping Congratulations, all of you! Very Happy What a great job you've done on this lad!

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:21 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

"Bernie" wrote:
Shitbird. They found you. You are in a hotel on airport road. They have you under observation. I have Irina under my control. You have one way to make that happen. Give me half of whatever scam it is you are running. I need you to tell me how much you are getting from her, and how much is for me. If you don't tell me that, I will have the men watching you pick you up, take you out to a nice quiet spot, and beat on you like a fucking bongo drum, motherfucker.

You have a very short time to reply. Don't fuck around. Make a mistake and... you will not be around long enough to regret it for long.


Hopefully he sneaks out the back door to the bus station to Cameroon.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 7:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Please get things ready and make arrangement ease for me,i do not want
to get stranded just like Yankari, abuja, Gomber,Bauchi,Sakete in
Benin

This is like a game of Lad Safari Bingo. With this latest one added you must be close to filling up the card.

Could you plot his travels on a map? it would be nice to see where he has been (and going to!)

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 2:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sarah just got this in her work account and will forward to Hector. Keleo/Lac Maga is much closer to Maiduguri than Yaounde or Korup, so he should thank me for this golden opportunity.

A middle manager at Simba wrote:
From: Etta Lotta Cox, Accounting Department
To: Sarah Bellum, Complaints Resolution
Date: 23 December 2009
Re: Employee Workshop


Sarah:

Here is the final schedule for the workshops. We're spending a lot of time at the proposed new Camp site in Keleo, on the shore of Lac Maga Cameroon. I heard it's beautiful!

Etta

Simba Safari Camps
Annual Employee Workshop
28 December 2009 - 2 January 2010

Monday 28 December: KORUP

8:00 Opening address: Sir Winston Biggleswade Brixham St. Austell on the Moor
"Complaints Resolution: A Centerpiece of Simba's Success"

9:00 - 9:10 Employee meet and greet with Sir Winston

11:00 Depart for Keleo, Cameroon

12:00 Lunch on the road

13:00 - 16:00 Scouting and site photography

16:00 - Employee applicant interviews

17:30 - 19:00 Supper under the stars

20:00 - 00:00 Dancing to the Slaphappy Orchestra

Tuesday 29 December: KELEO

8:00 - 17:00 Scouting and exploration,

17:30-19:00 Supper in main tent

20:00-00:00 Games Night Bacchanalia

Wednesday 30 December:KELEO

8:00-12:00 Department sessions
Rahki Rakhoun, Management: Keeping good managers without blackmail
Etta Lotta Cox, Accounting: Recession-era bookkeeping hints, tips, and tricks
Ophinga McLitt, Complaints Resolution: Keeping up appearances

12:00 Luncheon

14:00- 18:00 Department sessions
Maxwell Addison, Human Resources: Hiring of local experts
Ralph K. Ramden, Fleet services: Shuttle maintenance update
Bo Higal, Research and Development: Essentials of repeat safari guesting

17:30: Supper

19:00 Depart for Korup

Thursday 1 January - KORUP

8:00 - 17:00 Free time
18:00 - ??? New Year's celebration with special guest musicians, ABBA

Friday 2 January: KORUP

8:00 Board of Directors meeting
Annual report
Presentation of sweepstakes prize to Mr. Hector Ahuso

9:00 Closing address and benediction

10:00 Departure

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Stop typing in french, am seriously dissapointed....am just confused!!!
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dr stephen williams
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 4:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I love the schedule! Especially the presentation at the end! Lovely!

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Just Jane
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Inspector Gadget asked for a map of Hector's travels. This is the best that I can remember:

Image

To sum up:

Purple and Red are the two trips he took to Lome Togo to get Irina from the airport. She got kidnapped by Mr G0mer and he ran all over town looking for her. All the while he was giving the secret password of 'Goat F**er' in French to various people along the way. Mr Bernie eventually saved her from G0mer and got her back to the airport so she could flee back to France.

Green is the trip he and his cohort Caleb made to 55C Yankari to meet Irina for her first model shoot at 55C. They used Mr Bernie's map (drawn by Slaphappy) to try to get there. The map looked like a straight line when in actuality it was a big circle. Laughing

Aqua is the trip to Parakou to pick up the shuttle to 55C Pendjari, where Irina was doing another model shoot. Hector got jerked around by Mrs Bernie a bit on that trip. He kept missing the shuttle!

Blue is the latest one to meet Irina in Maiduguri. From there the thought is to move him east to Cameroon for the 55C company party, provided Mr Bernie doesn't catch and kill Hector first!

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

That's a tremendously attractive workshop schedule, indeed, especially:
8:00 Opening address: Sir Winston Biggleswade Brixham St. Austell on the Moor
"Complaints Resolution: A Centerpiece of Simba's Success"
9:00 - 9:10 Employee meet and greet with Sir Winston



Can you imagine listening to Sir Winston on the subject of complaint resolution during a entire hour? At 8 in the morning?


added- For more on Lac Maga, go here

I found the advert at the top of the page terribly appropriate.
Enjoy!


added yet again- the Simba Korup Camp sounds like a fantastic upgrading of the Park's present tourist facilities, if Wikipedia is to be trusted on the subject:

Quote:
Korup National Park is one of the most accessible rainforest protected areas in Cameroon. Day hikes or multiple day trips can be organized from the town of Mundemba, by visiting the tourist informational office located at the center of the town. Entrance in the park is only permitted with a local guide. There are fixed day, overnight, camping and guide/porter fees. There are three camp sites open to tourists, where visitors can arrange stay either at a tent (bring your own) or at one of the lodges (with basic wooden beds - windows have simple screening). Each camp site is located near a stream which serves as source of cooking water (boil or filter to drink) and for refreshing baths. There are basic pit toilets.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 1:21 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

A sneaky lying "Hector" wrote:
ok, we are on same side,we have $30k, you get half of it deal or no deal?


Sounds like a good deal, half of $30,000, except he expects $206,000.

Any idea of he is still in Maidiguiri?

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 4:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Doc, I think he's still there. I just got this a few minutes ago:

Quote:
irina, it looks like your phone has been bug too,just like your gmail.
Will you please call me using a local phone?

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 4:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I love that schedule, Bo! This should his pressure him to go and stay in Cameroon. Very Happy

@psychicbait- Nice link to Lac Maga. Ah! I see they have hippos. I love hippos. They eat people. Wink Laughing

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 5:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^
According to this link

Quote:
Lake Maga is the site of an important fishery which supports 1,000 fishermen and their families. Production has declined recently, a 'natural' phenomenon, coming two decades after the creation of this artificial lake. The lake holds 30-50 Hippotamus amphibius which cause regular conflicts with fishermen. Hunting is a more direct threat to birds, with hundreds of Dendrocygna viduata and Plectropterus gambensis killed annually in the rice-fields. Hunting for sport, although officially regulated, is still largely unmanaged.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

"Hector" wrote:
Bernie,
You hacked the main server of simba safari Ltd,Sir Winstons suspect
you for that, so also you hack irina email and bug phone.Only me know
this and i keep this confidential to myself only
Well,we are on same side,we will have $30K and half for you,so lets
get this done.


This came in a few hours ago, so he is working on this through the holiday. Nice, JJ! I am off to bake some cookies, enjoy people, but will get back to him in a while.

Merry Christmas!

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

In the spirit of Christmas, Bernie wrote:
Merry Christmas, motherfucker.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This is great! Merry Christmas guys.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

He thinks a slight but sexy Complaints Resolution Specialist can stop an international terrorist.
Hector wrote:
my babe, do know that bernie sent me an email threating to kill me. I
am sure he was the one that hack simba server,sir winton wrote me and
told me he suspected bernie for the breach. My client called irina
mendlikova also complain that her gmail acct and phone is bugged. To
my uttermost surprise bernie is presently in maiduguri disturbing
irina.can you please do something to stop him,he is claming to irina
that he is still in charge. Hector

Sarah wrote:
Oh my love

I had no idea that Mr. Rhodes was so violent and insane. I thought he was just a creepy sex-starved manager with an ugly wife and a gun collection. Are you sure it's the same Mr Rhodes that used to work for us here at Simba? What did you do to anger him so? I know that you are a brave and big man and you can defend yourself against him. Thank goodness for me, Mr. Rhodes is banned from stepping foot in Cameroon because of some kind of outstanding warrant. We couldn't have the holiday party in Cameroon for many years when he was working for us. But now he has been sacked we can! And what a party so far! Sting sang "I'll have a blue christmas without you" last night and guess who I was thinking of and missing the whole time! I think I had too much to drink last night, my head hurt so much but maybe it was thinking about the money we're going to have in a few days! I love you so much!

Edit: He's asking me to call him but alas
Quote:
Baby like I told you we are not allowed to have cell phones during the party and workshop this year, because of the harcker. As much as I would love to hear your voice. But you are going to be here in person in a couple of days which is all I live for. When are you going to be here? Please hurry!!

Sarah

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Has anyone heard his travel plans?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 1:30 am Reply with quoteBack to top

While I was away enjoying my Christmas, my baiter phone has racked up 18 missed calls and it's still buzzing every few minutes. He's desperate to talk to Irina.

Bo: Regarding Sarah talking to Hector, when it's time maybe we can get TheLovelyJill to talk to him again. Even though she was introduced as Miss Sippycup, Hector still believed he was talking to Sarah. It's great that Sarah is pretending like she's on his side. He needs an ally since Irina is slipping out of his grasp right now.

Doc: Your Bernie character cracks me up. He's so sinister! Laughing

Psychicbait: You are the king of Google! Thanks once again.

Edit: mail just in. This is all it said:

Quote:
irina,tell me what is going on


to which I replied:

Quote:
hector i'm on my friends blackberry using mobile intrnet. strange men are watching me. i cant get away without notice. are u still in the place u told me about?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:01 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^ royalty is royalty, and I think my profile is more that of a mere google zombie.

Is H3ctor's presence in M actually confirmed?

Bernie, now there's a real character. What does it take to be banned from entering Cameroon- or do I really want to know?

Great work, all!

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