Turd 2: Hector's Grand Tour: GOLDEN PITH AWARD pg 10

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Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:53 pm

That is why you are the Complaints Resolution Specialist, Bo. Your forms are brilliant, and add so many new factes of possible lad pain. Mention he is invited to the annual employee workshop and New Years Party, too, since it is unlikely he will be able to make it for the bug Christmas bash, with Sting and Bono.

I think that we can convince him he is being considered for employment as a manager for a new camp in Chad. This is if he doesn't make it to the Chimpanzee Cam in Cameroon. If that happens, he will twig, hahahaha, and then.... I wish I could be a fly on the wall! Twisted Evil

This lad has been an amazing pet.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:59 pm

Smashing good letter there, Sir Winston. Quite so. Pip, pip and all that.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:11 pm

Thank you, Juan. I love this hobby!

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:24 pm

Here's the Simba Safaris Ltd. company party invitation. I'll send it to him tonight.

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:27 pm

yeah excellent letter. In fact I think I might apply for that managers job Laughing

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:21 am

As usual, Bo, outstanding! So good I had to put it in the thread! You hide your light under a bushel....

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:26 am

And, before I turn in for the night, I wanted to put this out there to Hector:

"Bernie" wrote:

Hey, shitbird. Its not nice to keep a nice lady waiting. Come see Irina. I am keeping her safe. You have nothing to worry about for Irina.

Email me. I have men all over the city, looking for you.

I imagine he is a bit stressed out about now....

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 9:13 am

^^^^ I have men all over the city, looking for you

@bohigal- covered parking available. Perfect. And the invitation template, superb.

Wonderful work, all. I love how the pressure is applied so gradually from diffferent directions that the lad is completely enmeshed in a, shall we say, separate reality.

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:02 pm

Psychic, this is a rare lad!

"Hector" wrote:

Be reasonable Bernie or else i will act on you.
Next week,I will make $26,000 reparation from simba,
How much do you want from it?
i had a delay flight due to heavy traffic in airport,i am not in
Maiduguri, i am still in Abuja, but will be going to Benin on 25th.

Lies:
1. He is in Maidiguiri
2. He is set to get USD150,000 from Irina
3. He is expecting USD52,000 from SSC.

So:

"Bernie" wrote:

Naughty, naughty. You are expecting something from Irina, too. And, you are in Maidiguiri, motherfucker. You think I don't know?

"Act on me"? Really? Educate me, small boi, about how you will "act on me". I'm fucking trembling here. I am so skeeeered I can barely finish this steak. I am going to have to check out of my 5 star hotel and run off and hide.

I only have to say "get him", and you will end up in a Police Station, where they will beat you until the sun rises tomorrow. You will piss blood for months.

I expect $10,000 from you on the settlement. Be honest with me. You know I know you are in Maidiguiri, and you also know that I know that you have some scam going with Irina. I am being jonest with you. I am going to kill you, if you do not cut me in. I am very honest when I say that I am willing to let it go if I get half of what Irina is giving you. So, tell me the truth. How much is she giving you? If you lie, I will know. You don't want to lie to me, Hector.

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:06 pm

Greedy little turd,, "Hector", expecting USD52,000, wrote:

Dear Sir Winstons,

With due respect and honor, i thank you so much for your kindness and
understanding.
Also i thank you for my compensation ans well as the award.
so you are so wonderful and generous. May god bless you sir.
As i said earlier, i am willing to work with you and also will like to
meet you and know you in person.
Sir, I am out of town right now and issuing me a cheque will be a
delay,i will prefer that my fund be transfer via bank swift wire to
the bank account i will provide to you in few hours.
Bank swift wire transfer is quicker,faster and safer.
I have just receive the invitation form Sarah Bellum this morning,I
will check my schedules.
Cant wait to meet you sir.
Thank you
Hector Ayuso

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:50 pm

I added to the paranoia in today's call. Irina has arranged a meeting with him later this afternoon. Hopefully a 5pm meeting is late enough that he will be forced to stay another night!

Paranoid in Maidaguri

He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! Bernie Rhodes is coming to town! Laughing

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:13 pm

This is wonderful. He is totally paranoid! "He is the same Bernie Rhodes!"

Tell him Bernie Rhodes says hello!

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:47 pm

If you need proof that you were there at the hospital at 5:00 PM, here's a picture from the car park (no, I wasn't there, but Google was!)

Hospital Car Park Replete with Van Identifying Said Hospital NOT Photochopped

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:01 pm

@dr stephen williams- what a lad, indeed. Lying to ´Bernie´, and toadying to Sir Winston.

And that phone call to meet his lady love in a hospital carpark.
Ah, that made my afternoon.

On to Cameroon, but obviously not before getting the full measure of pain from the visit to M.

Wonderful.

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:15 pm

Obviously Bernie followed you to the hospital carpark and that's why you couldn't meet him Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:19 pm

@rackingguy - thanks for the photo!

Slappy gave me the suggestion to tell him that I couldn't meet him because Mr Bernie asked me to dinner. I just did that so now I think I've sealed the deal for one more day in Maiduguri. Twisted Evil

Hector/Irina delaying meeting

Doc and Bo: Let me know when you want me to stop delaying him. Are you going to try to send him to Lac Maga? That's why we chose Maiduguri as it's on the way there.

Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:49 pm

Quote:

I have just receive the invitation form Sarah Bellum this morning,I
will check my schedules.

Ah yes, this high-powered businessman has a very busy schedule. Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:31 pm

Nice call, Jane. Tucked in his little bed for another sleepless night.

@Doc and Bo - Just to reiterate Jane and my ultimate goal, we want the lad to go to Lac Maga to scout out a 55C for Sir Winston, before a possible trip to 55C Korup. Looks like he won't make that party anyway on time, I have a feeling. We want him to take pictures of the lake near the town of Keleo, on the bottom of the lake. Only because the lake looks like a goat udder, and Keleo is at the tip of the Great Teat. Very Happy

See if you and Bo can hint at a possible meeting there.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:58 am

I think that at this time he is headed to Cameroon for the party. If he doesn't travel on to Cameroon, Sir Winston can work on a safari for him at the lake.

JJ, you can free him anytime. We are working on getting him to come to the workshop.

"Hector", in a note to "Bernie", from "Abuja" wrote:

You do not know how close me and Irina is?
She knows me long time before you,even before she came to meet you at
simba safari in Lome early this year., and all that stuff.She is my
very close friend right from France.
I have been invited to end of year holiday party by Sir Winston, if
you want your job back, i can talk him into that,he told me he is
still on a look out for a good manager,but this must be on arrangement
between me and you.
A lot of employees at simba seems not to like your behavior, i think
you need to change the way you react and relate with peace, you curse
too much, this does not make you a gentleman.
anyway, your $10,000 will be ready soon and where you want it sent to?
I am in Abuja, can we meet here tomorrow? if you will fly to ?Abuja
tomorrow then let me know tonight so that i can give you direction
where to meet me.Lets get this settled.
You seems to be a very worried man,i can understand this because you
lost your job.
I will fix it back once i meet Sir Winston at the party. you have my
word on that.
The party will be hold in Simba Safari in Cameroon.
So if you can meet me for a face to face talk in Abuja before i fly to
Benin and to Cameroon, this will be okay.

I have a feeling he is on his way to Cameroon. Maybe after he misses the party, we can move him to the lake.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:14 am

@Doc: He's all yours! Just now he's been trying to call me. I haven't picked up. I can just let him think that Bernie got to me and chopped his dollar, so to speak. Irina will be leaving to go to Malabo in a couple days anyway.

Have fun with him and just holler if you need anything. Very Happy

Edit: I was reading his note to you. I had forgotten that Irina was helped by Bernie in Lome back in April. The evil G0mer and his sidekick Okey had kidnapped Irina. Bernie helped her escape.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:04 am

Thanks, JJ!

"Bernie" wrote:

I had dinner with her. She never mentioned you. How close could she really be?

I don't need my job back. I bought 1000 acres of land in Ethiopia. I have backers who will help construct the camp, and all I want from you is my $10,000, plus half of whatever you are getting from Irina. You never told me how much you are getting. How much?

And, I know yo are here. You can lie to me but.... I know. I know. We will catch you, and when we do... I would not want to be you.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:24 am

Coward Hector wrote:

I am in Abuja, can we meet here tomorrow? if you will fly to ?Abuja
tomorrow then let me know tonight so that i can give you direction
where to meet me.Lets get this settled.

Sounds to me like he's trying to draw that vicious Bernie away from Maiduguri. Laughing

@Doc: Sarah just wrote to Hector. She said Sir Winston sent her a memo that the harcker got access to all the bank accounts, so Simba will operate on a cash-only basis for the time being. This includes all refunds and Mr Ayuso's winnings. He has to come to Cameroon to get it all.

Embarrassing twit Sarah wrote:

Dearest loving Hector,

Oh my sweetheart darling! I am SO sorry if I have seemed short wit you laterly, I have been SO busy with the preparations for the Holiday Party and arranging the rooms and guest list. We are going to have so much great food. Do you like lobster and cream cakes? O mi god I can't wait. Please don't worry I won't get too fat! I exercise every day and especially do my pelvic thrusts so my abs don't get all flabby. There's also this move called a Beyonce where you make a bridge with your body, except my nipples touch the ground when I do it and I get too excited...just like when I think of you...oh dear

um I got off track my sweetness! I'm so excited to be meeting you soon. Have you made arrangements for getting to Korup Camp yet? Tomorrow I will send you the formal directions from my work account, I don't have them here. Sir Winston sent me a memo about the $52000, he says we're going to get it in cash!! Something about the virus hacker having access to our bank accounts so we are going to operate on a cash-only basis for a few months. Anyway I'll send you the standard instructions for getting to Korup Camp and to ME tomorrow morning. I can't believe it's finaly going to happen, we are going to be together just as God intended. I have been having fantasias about playing Adam and Eve when we get to Cameroon, would that be all right with you? Please write.

Your honey

@SH: Thanks for the map! Now I see why I couldn't find it myself, I was looking for a Lac Mugu Razz

We'll certainly try to send him there; he'll probably drag his feet until the after the Employee Workshop anyway.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:06 am

I think that the four of us could March this lad to China right about now.... Between Sir Winstons cash, your (mention of and/or characters) nipples, and Bernies new rifle, Hector has a pile of incentive to make that party!

Hahahha, this lad has been baited since April? I am impressed! Nice work, JJ&SH! I hope Bo and I can make this lad miserable.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:38 am

The very good Doctor wrote:

I hope Bo and I can make this lad miserable.

Yes, his life is all chocolates and roses right now. Laughing

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:42 am

^^^^I meant that we can aspire to make his life as miserable s JJ&SH have. It sounds like he s pretty miserable already Laughing

"Sir Winston" wrote:

Dearest Hector,

Well, old bean, I have just received communications from the lovely Sarah regarding your impending visit to Simba Safari Camp-Korup. I am absolutely delighted to know we can expect you at least for the employees workshop. These events do tend to be such fun. Korup really is the flagship of our camps, the most opulent, the most delightful, and you will be in one of the suites, I believe adjacent to Sarahs suite. She is such an attractive woman. If only I was younger, I, but, well, never mind all that.

Regarding the settlement, because of recent security problems, which may be related to Berni Rhodes recent departure, rather a nasty bit of business, that, we have ceased doing any cables, bank drafts or bank to bank transfers until such time as we have been reviewed by a security expert. This will not be completed until February. In the interim, we are making cash payments only. While we can pay you the funds we have promised to you when you arrive at Korup, if you prefer, we can wait until February to send a bank to bank transfer to an account that you nominate, but since you will be joining us in a few days, I think it makes much more sense to have you receive payment in cash.

Now, our board of directors will be there, as will many of the investors, and we would like to show them that even unhappy clients, in the end, are happy with the way they have been treated by our company. Your case is a prime example of an unhappy Simba customer made happy by SCROD.

Please do make arrangements with Sarah for the upcoming festivities. I do so look forward to making your aquaintance.

With sincerly warm regards,

Sir Winston

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