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419Eater is my life Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 299

I'm beginning to lose it too, I'm afraid...

Quote:

For fucks sake LAD, you need to tell me exactly how to send you the money!!

You keep saying you'll kill me unless I send you the freaking cash. WELL IT'S RIGHT HERE BUT I CAN'T SEND IT TO YOU? Guess why - YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME HOW! You tell me to go to my bank. You need to give me bank accoun tdetails so I can facilitate a wire transfer then.

From what I understand, Western union has nothing to do with th ebank, so PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW TO USE WESTERN UNION.

Comprendez?

I'm sorely tempted to put all my emails to him through MultiBabel. They'll make as much sense as he does - maybe he'll actually understand them!

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:35 pm

he he I told him I was andy mcnab and sent him an SAS link Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:53 pm

Quote:

BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU AN IDIOT ? DID I ASK YOU TO SEND THE MONEY TO YOUR HUSBAND DONT WARRE YOU WILL SEE BEFOR THE END OF TOMORROW YOU MUST DIE IF YOU DONT SEND THE MONEY TOME TODAY

Why am I laughing so much?

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:57 pm

^^^Because we've got this lad using his one and only brain cell furiously sending emails to a mailbox full of what he thinks are real vics...and he's going to end up with NADA! Laughing

And that's what it's all about!

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 11:03 pm

He mailed me back to tell me that he wasn't afraid of no fuckin SAS. Laughing

I informed him that he should be, and if he didnt believe me he should check out what happened to the West Side Boys in SL Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:17 pm

Quote:

IF YOU SEND THE MONEY TODAY I WILL NOT HARM AGAIN OK

REACIVERS :NAME:…........ST3VE TH0MAS

LOCATION:….....................LONDON uk.
Test Question: ...................RED

Test Answer: ....................BLACK.

SO I WILL BE WAITHING TO HAVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TODAY.

I'm starting to suspect this "hitman" is a badger... Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:23 pm

Ceres wrote:

Quote:

IF YOU SEND THE MONEY TODAY I WILL NOT HARM AGAIN OK

REACIVERS :NAME:…........ST3VE TH0MAS

LOCATION:….....................LONDON uk.
Test Question: ...................RED

Test Answer: ....................BLACK.

SO I WILL BE WAITHING TO HAVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TODAY.

I'm starting to suspect this "hitman" is a badger... Rolling Eyes

Im gonna have to change my name Rolling Eyes

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:06 am

Ceres wrote:

I'm starting to suspect this "hitman" is a badger... Rolling Eyes

Unlikely with ip address 41.220.75.3 - resolves to Nigeria,
Anyway, he doesn't like me, this just in:

Quote:

LISTING LET ME TELL YOU ....YOU THINK YOU ARE SMART BUT I NO HOW TO GET YOU SO YOU HAVE TO GO AND PICK UP YOUR FURKING 35 POUSE LEF THERE WHICH THE REASIVERS NAME IS YOUR NAME AND YOU THINK I AM NOT CONPOSE IN MY BUSNESS I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A BANK THAT I OPRAT SO YOU CAN NOT GET ME BUT I WILL MAKE SHURE I GET YOU DOWN YOU CAN NEVR KNOW HOW YOU CAN COME TO MY HAND BECOUSE I HAVE AS MANY AGENT THAT I PAY .

1)I HAVE FBI AJENT 2)INTAPO AJENT 3)POLICE AJENT SO I DONT KNOW HOW YOU CAN EVEN GET ME ..BUT NOW YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER IF YOU DONT KNOW AND I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE IN UNITED KINDOM SO DONT WORRED I MOST GET YOU .
BYYYYYYYY

419Eater is my life Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 299

He just emailed me telling me to send payment to his EJENT, so I promptly told him

Quote:

So I need to make payment to your eejit?

Plus, can anybody decode:

Quote:

YOU BETER DO SO AND HAVE REST OF MIND IN YOUR HOUSE

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:37 am

Quote:

LISTING ARE YOU MARD? IF YOU DO IT THEN WERE IS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION THAT IS MTCN NUMBER? YOU HAVE TO SEND IT BEFOR I WILL STOP

Gee payment info, didnt know that was needed. I have trown it away i think.....

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:44 am

Hilarious grammar! We need a strong decode app here Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:48 am

No worries Marcus, you couldn't have known that... I guess he should've explained that beforehand.

You might want to register a new e-mail address and have him mail one of the WU officials on that addy to ask for the payment info himself. Of course there's no way he can prove he's the intended recipient.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 1:38 pm

With me he's finally been able to instruct me to use western union:

Quote:

NOW LISTING WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO NOW IS TO GO TO WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND SEND IT NOW TO MY EGENT IN NIGERIA WITH THIS INFORMATION BELOW.

REICIVER NAME...............JAMES ARMSTRONG

LOCATION......................LAGOS NIGERIA

TEST QUESTION................IN GOD

TEST ANSWER......................WE TROST

SO I WILL CALL MY EGENT DERE TO GO AND PICK IT UP

Call his "egent dere"?? Laughing

I'm not sure what road to take him down. He seems way too stupid to fill out forms, and way too dumb to handle the MT3N S3Cure.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 4:25 pm

Well he's mad because I won't send him money... Laughing

Quote:

GO TO HELL WITH YOUR FORKING MONEY YOU STINKING IDIOT LIKE YOU LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I WANT FROM YOU IS YOUR LIFE OK SO DONT PAY ME ANYTHING.

Is this a marriage proposal? Laughing

My character thinks so! Wink

Quote:

You want...my life? You're some sort of secret admirer?
Is this a marriage proposal?
Wow! I get it now! You pretended to work for my ex-husband so I would hate him! That's so clever!
I'd like to know you a little better before I accept though...Is that okay with you?

( I have no idea what I'm doing Laughing

)

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:47 pm

I've decided I'm going to do a simple chop on him. I just sent the pea-brain this:

Quote:

OK I sent the money, now please leave me alone and never reply to this email again.

Then, when he asks for the control number... I will tell him I already provided it to his "boss" who just emailed me a few hours ago telling me to send the money to him:

Quote:

ATTENTION I AM R0STY TR0MB0NE THE BOSS OF CLIF0RD 0RJI, YOU ARE HEREBY INSTRUCT TO SEND YOUR PAYMENT TO THE FOLLOWING ON BEHALF OF CLIF0RD 0RJI WHO IS NOW ILL AND IN HOSPITAL, PLEASE IGNORE ALL PREVIOUS MESSAGE. SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER IMMEDIATELY TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS
Name: Hugh J0rgan
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Question: What is your favorite food?
Answer: Fried Rice

Let's see what the reaction will be, if the numbskull even understands whats happening Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:19 pm

lad wrote:

LISTING LET ME TELL YOU IF YOU FORK WITH ME AM GOING TO GET YOU DOWN DID YOU HEAR ME ..I JUST FILL LIKE GIVING YOU CHARNCE TO GO OUT YEASTARDAY BUT DONT PALY WITH ME OK AND YOU ARE WESTING MY TIME I GIVE TODAY TO MAKE SHURE YOU SEND THE MONEY BUT IF YOU FAIL TO DO IT YOU WILL SEE WHAT I AM GOING TO DO YOU THE ..SO IF YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE YOU SEND THE MONEY BUT IF YOU DONT LIKE YOUR LIFE DONT SEND IT OK. SO BYYYYYYY

I tried to persuade him that I wasn't westing his time or palying with him. This guy is giving some literary gems, that's for sure.

micro, I'd like to use your chopper's name (for continuity) to help harass the poor sod, let me know if you'd prefer me not to.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:57 pm

I've been busy and unable to spend much time on Eater, but I wanted to come back and give an update on my frustrating dealings with the famous Nitwit Hitman. He is definitely one of the more intellectually-challenged lads I've ever had the pleasure to bait, and while it can be funny, it's also frustrating because -- as Microburst aptly points out -- he's just too STOOPID for any of the more fun modalities! Can you imagine him trying to fill out even the simplest form? No way. And M7CN S3cure would probably cause his very small brain to explode and splatter all over the walls of the dusty internet cafe.

I did FINALLY get him to point me in the direction of WU, after MANY back-and-forths that basically amounted to:

Him: SEND ME THE MONEY
Me: How?
Him: SEND ME THE MONEY OR YOU DIE
Me: How the fuck am I supposed to send you the money?
Him: GO TO UR BANK AND SEND ME THE MONEY OR YOOL BE SORY
Me: My bank won't send it, how do I send it?
Him: SEND ME THE MONEY
Me: HOW do I send you the money?

And on an on...

He finally came throught with this:

Nitwit Hitman:

Quote:

NOW LISTING WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO NOW IS TO GO TO WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND SEND IT NOW TO MY EGENT IN NIGERIA WITH THIS INFORMATION BELOW.

REICIVER NAME...............JAMES ARMSTRONG

LOCATION......................LAGOS NIGERIA

TEST QUESTION................IN GOD

TEST ANSWER......................WE TROST

SO I WILL CALL MY EGENT DERE TO GO AND PICK IT UP

Me:

Quote:

You fool, why didn't you say Western Union 20 messages ago? This whole
thing could have been over by now! You are too stupid to be able to
kill someone. But I don't want to take a chance becos I want my little
boy to stay alive so I will go to westrn onion and send the money. But
yoi have to promise me that you will tell me who hired you and never
bother me again!

Nitwit Hitman:

Quote:

LISTING AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE MONEY I WILL GIVE YOU ALL INFORMATION YOU WANT ABOUT THE PERSON OK BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT TODAY FIRST

That was yesterday...I haven't done anything since, I'm letting him cool his jets for a while. But I like the dolla chop idea...that may be the only thing that he can comprehend!

Hey Microburst, wanna do a group dolla chop on him? Can I use your dolla chop lad to chop my dolla?

419Eater is my life Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 299

Group dollar chop - ACE.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 11:11 pm

Group dolla chop - SOUNDS GREAT

We should probably use my chopper's name for consistency; I already have it set up where there is an email from my chopper to my character just waiting to be forwarded to the hitlad... He hasn't asked me for the control number yet so I am just waiting.

PM me and I'll tell you the name of the chopper and email if you want it (I used a mask on the name in here)

Of course we could make up a whole family of choppers (the Trombones)
Twisted Evil

You know, with all of us teasing him at once, I really wonder what's going through his little mind...

He's either very frustrated already, or, he could be actually stupid enough to be excited at all this "business".

I mean, if we ALL ending up paying him, that's a big windfall of cash!!! He wants 2000 from each of us right? He might be hopeful for 5 figures here.. Going to bed each night with dollar signs dancing in his head..

Baiting Guru Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 2531 Location: AU

M@x has sort of fled overseas.

Quote:

Clif
i do not have time right now. i am leaving for the airport. Tell Don i am not running away i just need to do some business in Cameroon.

Quote:

THAT IS WERE YOU WILL BE CORT IF YOU MOOVE

Quote:

I am leaving for Cameroon and i will mail you when i am there.

If Don wants his money so urgently he can come and pick it up there.

a little far fetched but much closer to the lad if he hangs in there.

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:36 am

^^^If you can get a safari out of this nitwit, I will eat my hat. This has got to be one of the more pathetic lads I've seen. Laughing

As for $$ dancing in his head - I've talked him down to $1000, so there! Razz

Maybe it's because my baiting character has that sick son and all.......on second thought, NAH! I'm sure he'd be thrilled to get even a ten-spot out of anyone.

I'm likin' the group dolla chop...I'll be pulling the trigger on that shortly. Microburst, you HAVE to share with us any emails he sends your lad! Are you skilled in lad-speak? If not, let me know...I can help. I would love to get this nitwit so twisted up in paranoia that he starts looking over his shoulder in the internet cafe!

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:48 am

Oh believe me, I will share.

I'm not too good at ladspeak. If it becomes necessary to have my choppa speak, I'll PM you for a "translation" of what we should say. Laughing

This has the potential to be pretty funny.. I just hope he fricken starts responding again soon, I haven't heard from him since early this morning and the other day he was firing back stuff much quicker.

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:57 am

Okay, I'll be happy to help with the ladspeak. This is clearly a very low-level lad, bottom-of-the-barrel lad...could be fun to get him to work for your dolla-choppa Oga. Wink

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:09 am

Maybe his new boss can get him away from hitladding and into other, more-worthy profitable pursuits, like map-making, knitting, or soil sample collecting

Just waiting for the demand (hopefully tomorrow) for the control number... if he even knows what that is Rolling Eyes

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 09 Mar 2009 Posts: 1

I'm new here so I probably have no idea what I am talking about but I fear that you are educating this lad. Now he knows to ask his victims to go to WU.
By the way, I also have him emailing me, I keep telling him that I know he is my friend Jake playing a stupid prank and then I miscorrect his spelling every so often.

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