Snafu Sgt. James of the C0unter-flatulence UN Task-force --

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Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:25 am

Well, this has gone on long enough to actually be interesting. The setup and start are slow. I got the lad from the Surplus forum.

He leads off with a "saddam's millions" scam... I need you to help me get money out of Iraq, etc..

I replied:

Quote:

Dear .

This is amazing.

who served in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
served under my late uncle, , of the
101st Airborne.Are you the same soldier? Uncle Ian was killed in action
in 2006.

Please let me know if you are the same . If you are, please
let me know how I can help you. Uncle Ian always said that his troops
were some of the very best, brightest and honest people America has
to offer.

The lad bites:

Quote:

I am very glad to hear from you. I have noted the contents of your email. I am very sorry as regard the death of my great Commander . Secondly. can you handle this deal with total confidentiality? I reside in UK (... blah blah ... back to the format)

Aha! So he is the same ! What a coinki-dink!

I write back, hoping to get some good lad fiction as a trophy of sorts:

Quote:

Dear James,

I hope all is well for you and that you are safe and in good health.

Again, I tell you it is an honor to speak with any man who served under my uncle Ian and the that he had worked so hard to build prior to his being killed in action by an enemy (IUD). If you have any stories to tell me about Uncle Ian and your old unit in Iraq, please share them with me. So few men from that unit are still alive because of the 2006 encounter that there are hardly any records.

I'm looking forward to helping you with this business, Sgt, but to be honest, I'm more excited about getting news about Uncle Ian's unit and your experiences than I am about the money. I'm "comfortable" as it is, and I intend to donate most of my share to the VA and the USO.

The Major once told my folks that two platoon sergeants named James and Pepper liberated a group of women who were held at Baath Party safe house. I saw at Bethesda, but he had been so badly wounded he was awarded a Medal, and he could no longer communicate. Can you please tell me more of the story? Were you wounded as well? What did the women do when you rescued them? How did reward you? I know that mother would actually pay to get some eye-witness accounts.

Please keep me informed.

Alas, the lad came back with a stock script and fake documents including ID and whatnot. I guess that he is not creative enough to take the bait I have to settle for more straight baiting.

I decide to introduce an invisible person of power:

Quote:

Dear . James,

Please forgive me, but my older brother is a very untrusting person. He worries that you are not who you say you are and that you did not serve under uncle Ian in Iraq. He thinks that you might use the identity of James to trick me into giving you personal informtion you can use to remove money from Iraq that belongs to someone else.

I told him that you would not lie and that you were made very sad by the news of the death of your commander. But he insists that I should not send you personal information until you show me some proof that you served in the . But he insists thay you should provide some evedence that you are truthful.

I need you to scan a copy of your Task Force ID or some other document that identifies you as a former member of the Task Force and send it to me. I don't know what the documents look like except that any official document would have your name and rank, your picture, the UN seal and the Latin motto "" written under the letterhead.

I know that time is important, and I'm sure you need the money. I'm going to give away most of my share, so please understand that I am doing this for you. Please send me scans as soon s you are able so I can help you soonest.

Uh-oh. My lad looses his email account (I didn't do it!) When he finally gets back to me with a new account, he seems a little put off to be put off script--and why did I tell my brother? He tells me to send a letter to the lawyer who is going to represent us.

I do so, then toss in a hint that I might be really loaded:

Quote:

Dear James.

I'm sorry that I talked to my brother Phillip about this: It's just that I was so excited to be contacted by someone who served under uncle Ian, I just had to tell Phillip. We all miss the Major and at the same time we have so little knowledge of his life. If we continue, then my brother is in on the deal. I hope we can move on, but if you need to contact someone else instead I understand, and both Phillip and I will keep your secret safe.

Phillip tells me that although you no longer have a copy of your ID, your US Army ID is good enough, since as a US soldier assigned to a UN force your military ID displays the UN Force code. All we need is to see that your ID has "" stenciled across the bottom of your photo; then we will know for sure that you are the same who served under Uncle Ian.

I'm sorry for the delay. I hope we can hurry this up and get your transaction completed.

Also, please be advised that I will be taking my family on a "mini-vacation" to Cancun, Mexico this weekend, and so I will not be available. It will be great to escape from the snow for a couple of days!

In the meanwhile the "lawyer" gets back to me. surprise! A whaopping 12,000 BPS retainer is required!

I get back to my lad:

Quote:

Dear . James:

I heard from Mrs. . She says there is a £12000 retainer. Can you pay the retainer? It is in Brittish pounds. I have American Dollars. Even if she would take dollars, I can't transfer them to Mrs. Dunit's bank because I am waiting for her to send me bank information and I will need Phillip to cosign the transfer.

Speaking of Philip, he wants me to ask you why your email address changed
from @yahoo.co.uk
to @yahoo.co.uk.
I don't know why he wants to know. He thinks it is important. I think he is a knucklehead.

I hope all is well. Please let me know about the retainer.

My Lad is still miffed about Phillip being brought in. He writes the following, twice:

Quote:

Let me know when she contacts you. I want you to call her it is very urgent. My previous email is giving difficulties to receive and send mails. As regard the fees tell the attorney to do the conversion in US dollars. I will try to raise some funds from my side. You said the funds in the Trust fund is your money then try to convince Phillip to sign. Finally, you must learn to be a man by making him see reasons why you are in this deal.

Apparently he's getting impatient; he wants to rewrite the deal with some quick check scam. He sends this out of the blue:

Quote:

I do not think this will work. Call the attorney and find out what is happening. Can you cash a check of $100,000 from your trust fund account?

I answer:

Quote:

. James,

I didn't even know it was possible to write checks against a Trust fund. I'll find out.

As for the banker, perhaps you know someone else who is relaiable. This Mrs. is obviously not doing her job.

Lad:

Quote:

pls send me your direct mobile number

Here's when the good folks at eater come to the rescue and provide me with a phone number that frustrates the lad.

Quote:

Dear Snafu Sgt. James.

I checked with the Trust, and I can't draft checks from the fund. Sorry.

I've got to get Phillip to cosign. Can;'t you get some copy of your old UN task force ID or just any document with the symbol on it. Scan it and send it and my brother will have to believe you. If I were to forge his signature I could get arrested and fined more than the amount of the transfer.

If not, then I guess you'll have to find someone else to help you get the money out, because Phillip is not giving in.
[...]
This is my private videophone line, so please DO NOT give it to anyone. You don't need to have a to call. It takes regular phone calls too. It is a high-bandwidth connection. .

He never asks me for my number again, nor does he remark about his ever trying to call. Lazy lad or just too proud to say he's too stupid to make a call?
Still impatient he goes for another avenue:

Quote:

I have noted your number. Do you have a credit card?

What balls! Ok. It's time to give him some hope. I write:

Quote:

Dear Sgt.

Here's an update:

1) I FINALLY got the banking information from the lawyer representing the law firm that is handling the transaction.

2) I have gotten Phillip to agree to cosign for the law firm's retainer. I pointed out that our own law firm's retainer is much bigger and they handle few transactions this large for us.

3) My Trust will be transferring the retainer into the law firm's account within a day or two.

I'll let you know once this is done, and hopefully the law firm will move forward.

QUESTION: Will it be possible for me to have most of my share distributed directly to the VA and other charities? This would help for tax purposes and also decrease the chances of some sort of fund interception by criminals. I would like only enough money sent back to me to cover fees.

Ah, he thinks his pigeon is within reach now.

Quote:

Can you send me the correspondence you got from the attorney. As regard your question on charity and taxes I quite buy the idea. Also you have not sent me your valid ID as promised earlier.

I send him a renamed dll for a "passport" scan and also reply:

Quote:

Dear Snafu Sgt. James:

So by your answer I take it that I CAN have the money sent directly to VA and other charities? That's great. I think if it went to me first, then the givernment would need to take income tax from it. I could then contribute to charity, and take a deduction, but the total percent that would actually reach the VA nd others would be much less.

Here's what I got from the lady lawyer:
Attn: ,

As per your request I am sending my account details for your perusal.

[bank info sent to alan, removed] (etc.)

Lad:

Quote:

Resend your passport again i could not view it. Use jpg. After you made the transfer send the payment slip to the attorney, also try to call her.

me:

Quote:

Dear Snafu Sgt. James:

The picture I sent you is a jpg. I can view it with no problems.
Do you need to upgrade to Vista?

My call to the lawyer will have to wait. Phillip is having a "family meeting" and I need to leave for the Hamptons in a few minutes. I will not be back in touch until late Thursday or early Friday. If you still have trouble with the ppicture, Ill scan it in another format when I return.

Hang in there Sergant! !

From this point on, the emails start coming in from the lad and the ladlawyer at a fair pace. I'm having a little trouble reproducing them in order, but you should get the idea:
I inform the lad that I got Phillip to cosign, then inform the lawyer that the rretainer is on the way. I use current exchange reates to add authenticity. But oh no! There is a problem. I contact the lawyer who is a woman named :

Quote:

Mrs. :

I contacted the Trust this morning in order to obtain a transfer receipt and I received this notice:
---------------
Attention Mr. :

Please be advised that the transaction in question has been suspended and the funds are to be held in escrow upon completion of an on-going investigation of international finance fraud involving the owner of the destination bank account.

We regret any inconvenience this might cause.
---------------

What is going on? Are you trying to steal money?

Whatever is happening, I now have around $17,000 gathering dust in escrow because of you. At least if it had remained in the Trust, it would be earning 7.8% interest! I am using this email to advise to have a different law firm handle this transaction

Egad!
The emails begin flying--this from the "lawyer":

Quote:

I am surprised with your mail, the account is very ok not under any kind of investigation by any authority and please you have to mind your language since I am not trying to steal anybody's money.

I think that there is an omission on the account beneficiary they have to include PROJECT. This is the correct account detail once again.

[deleted].

Kindly revert to your Trust and notify them about the omission and let them give fresh instruction for the transfer to be effected urgently.

I will be expecting that this transfer should be concluded today so that I can have the transfer receipt first thing tomorrow morning.

Yours Sincerely,

Me to lawerlad:

Quote:

If you think I'm going to risk the $17,000 already held in escrow (no doubt at less than 2% interest) based on the word of a person I've never met who represents a firm I never dealt with before, you have no business being a lawyer. I want to have that money returned. If my own Trust tells me the owner of your bank account is under investigation, then (forgive the pun) I have every reason to trust them. They have excellent relationships with many government and law enforcement agencies.

Lad to me at almost the exact same time:

Quote:

can you come online for us to chat now?

I answer:

Quote:

Dear James

I do not have a Yahoo account.

Listen, you need to find some other law firm. These people might be thieves. Even if they are not thieves, they are too stupid to be trusted with millions of dollars. What kind of person--especially a lawyer--does not react in alarm when someone tells him that his bank account is being investigated? No honest lawyer would simply say, "it is not true." He would want to know details and get to the bottom of it.

In the meanwhile, I hope you are well.

What do you know, within 5 minutes, the lawyer writes back. Now she is interested to know details and get to the bottom of it! Rolling Eyes

Quote:

You don't understand the content of my mail. The account in question has no problem and is not under any kind of investigation whatsoever. And I don't understand what you are saying about your money being held in an Escrow account, there is no way your money will be held because of a slight mistake which might equally come from you.

All you need to is to instruct them to release the money in the account given to you since there was a mistake with the beneficiary name. The account belongs to me and not to any other person, so if your trust tells you that the owner is involved in international financial fraud then I have to disagree with you. That account is as good as anything good because it is my investment account.

If you want to see me you can come down here you know how you got my contact information you can equally fine me the same way.

I am very surprised if you said that my account is under investigation, I will really like you to give detail of this investigation if you are privileged to have access to it.

Sure I trust her--not. I write back:

Quote:

Mrs. :

1) I directed the transfer to the account exactly as you indicated--and it is the same as you sent again later.

2) The Trust says the owner of the account is under investigation for fraud. Since you are the owner then either you are under investigation, or someone else is hijacking your account. Either way, I'm not going to risk the money by petitioning the Trust to release it to that account.

3) You are a lawyer, you should know better than me why or how a trust can hold back on a directive. All I know is that I'm out the interest for as long as it is held--and they tell me they won't release it until the investigation is over. I don't know what laws or contracts or whatever legal mumbo-jumbo applies.

Unless the Trust notifies me that this is some sort of mistake, I just can't risk it. Sorry.

Suddenly the lad remembers I was not supposed to tell anyone about him.
Lad:

Quote:

Why did you mention my name to the email you sent Dunit? I told you that I dont want her know that I am working with you. Why that? You want to put me in trouble or what?

me:

Quote:

Yikes! I am SO sorry! I completely forgot!

Still, you should not worry about Mrs. . She is either a fraud or an idiot who likely got her law degree bought for her by her family. I'm having a conversation with her right now, and she insists she is not under investigation, as if she the police or interpol or whoever would notify her! If she is not a thief, then she is too stupid to remain in the law business anyway. If she really is a thief, then I would feel bad for tipping her off, but that's life. The police will get her eventually

In the meanwhile, lawlad is trying to save it:

Quote:

Did you notice the omission in the beneficiary name? The PROJECT is not indicated in the previous account so all you need is to correct it and let them know about it.

This thing happen and all that is needed is to correct it, but it is very confusing where the investigation is coming from because I called my account officer and he told me that there is nothing like that going. If the money is still with the Trust Fund then there is no need for the fund to be in an Escrow since it will remain in the account of the Trust.

I know about Trust fund management since I am an investment lawyer. If you can give me a number to call regarding this matter so that it can be cleared up.

Time to slap lawlad. I reply:

Quote:

I suspect that the Escrow has something to do with the legalities of the Trust, since an actual withdrawal was made against the fund but then the money was stopped before it could be transferred. I guess law enforcement would have made the interception and perhaps it is they who have the funds in Escrow. I am just guessing. I don't have a clue! But what bothers me is that YOU should.

Regarding your account, what kind of account officer would actually tell a suspected fraud perpetrator that her account is being investigated? I can see it is just silly that an experienced "an investment lawyer" would say this as evidence--and I am just a 17 year old for Pete's sake!

I also turn up the heat for the lad's primary doofus. The deal is going south very fast--Me to the Sgt.:

Quote:

DAMN!

I just got a phone call from Phillip. The Trust sent him the same email!
Geez is he pissed at me, and he is on his way over here to have a "talk" with me.
Now the shit is really gonna hit the fan.

If you don;t hear from me for a little while, it will be because I'm occupied with Phillip.

I need to log off and deal with this somehow

I let him bake a little then follow up with a ray ohf hope:

Quote:

Dear . James:

Phillip called back. He has to go to NYC for some sort of meeting with a bunch of suits, so I've got some additional time to fix this mess. That's the first lucky break since this morning.

How can we get this deal to go through before he gets back next week? If we can fix this, he will be satisfied, and I can give him some of my share to make sure.

Yes! He's hungry: Lad:

Quote:

We definately fix this deal. When can you make the transfer of the attorney fees if provides us with another accredited attorney? Can you send the funds via cash payment to avoid delay and time wasting base on the target we must achieve before Phillip is back next week. I want you to signup a yahoo id so that we could chat right now. I await your urgent response.

In the meanwhile, lawlad tries to slap me back--the nerve.

Quote:

I think that we are not making any head way and I am not going to argue with you regarding what is and what is not about my account. You contacted me to render service to you and that does not give you any right to accuse me of fraud. Your money is still with your trust as you rightly said if you are truly who said to be and we can end this discussion. You can go ahead and negotiate with another attorney on your own terms since you have lost confidence in me I will not bath an eyelid.

You have no understanding of what you are saying law enforcement cannot intercept little sum of $17,000 for any reason when you did not steal the money, unless you are the culprit here then you have a case to answer. You did not even know what is an Escrow Account, if my account is under investigation your money will be returned to your account from where the instruction to wire the money originated from not to be held in an Escrow Account.

I have every right to know what is happening in my account if it is under investigation from my account officer, there is no crime about that. You are just myopic about how wire transfer works, why should law enforcement intercept your money unless the trust account is being investigated for fraudulent reasons.

So you better check yourself and the administrator of the trust fund if there is any.

You being 17years is not an excuse for you to get yourself invloved in trying to steal money that does not belong to you. I am an attorney you have right to hire any attorney to represent you so I am not committing any crime by accepting to be your legal representative. However I have to make sure that you are doing the right thing because I will not indulge you to commit crime if I notice that you are trying to impersonate someone I will personally report you to the law enforcement to be arrested.

To heck with this, You're fired! Razz

Quote:

I'm not supposed to understand whatever the heck is going on with the transfer. I'm not a lawyer!

What I DO know is that I was told that you are being investigated. If it is actually the Trust that is being investigated, then I've got some very big problems, because I have quite a lot of money tied up there that I can't get to until I am 21. But either way that is not my fault.

If you are not a thief, I am sorry this is causing you grief. If you are a thief, I hope they get you--and the same goes for anyone in the Trust if there is something bad going on there. But I'd be surprised, because the Trust has handled my family's funds since before the Civil War.

As for whether I am doing anything wrong, I have been assured by an honored veteran of the US military that this transaction violates no law.

Either way, I don't care for your attitude.

You are fired.

I also encouraged my lad:

Quote:

Dear .

GREAT!

What I'll need to do is send out any fees in smaller amounts
so it does not show up on my brother's RADAR. See if you
can get a different law firm assigned. Then I'll pay any retainer
in increments of no more than $5,000 through WU or MG (time for the secure modality, eh?)
using the same secure transfer control service I used to import
the Mercedes last September. It takes some time, but it does
get around problems with the Trust and with Phillip finding out.
You know the old saying, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than
it is to ask for permission!

The hard part will be making so many small transactions over
a short time, but by the time he knows what's happening, we
should have evidence of moving your money out and he will
have to admit that I have done the right thing.

Let me know ASAP.

He's drooling! What a save!

Quote:

The idea is very good. I will send you the new attorney's contact detail later today. Do not contact anymore (how convenient), deal with the new attorney strictly. When do think you can send the WU to the new attorney when he contacts you? You know time is not our side for us to commence this transfer.Why have you not sent me your ID? I await your urgent reply.

time to shut him up for the night:

Quote:

I'll need to start moving the money tomorrow at the soonest. It will require me to make a trip into town, but I can keep in contact through my iphone.

I have to log off now, Dinner is being served and I do not want the help to think something unusal is going on.

I'm sure he's gone off to bed a happy lad.

That's all for now. I'll update when I've got anything interesting.

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:38 am

Great work - a perfect mix of innocence and insults. It's all interesting to me, keep us updated!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 19 Oct 2008 Posts: 22

Bravo very well done!!! I am thorughly enjoying this read I can't wait until the next chapter

Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 4:03 pm

I think my lad has twigged. He was good fror one round of the modality and I got to "fire" one law firm, but I pushed it by having chop his dollar. Ah well it was fun.

I'll post the interesting stuff a bit later.

Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 7:08 pm

suggestion. you might want to mask the MT3CN Se3cure modality name in your posts so that lads/Vlads don't google back to here and find out info on it.

Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 7:38 pm

joseywales wrote:

suggestion. you might want to mask the MT3CN Se3cure modality name in your posts so that lads/Vlads don't google back to here and find out info on it.

Thanks JW, but actually, I did mask it. I used the built-in mask function from the posting window. That's why you see some green text in my message. OK, my brother-in-law sees green as black, so if you're like him, then you would not notice it. Smile

To use the built-in function highlight the text you want to mask in your composition window, and then select the "mask" button. It "book-ends" the highlighted text in http code that prevents the string from showing up in a web crawl. When the text prints in the on-line post it will look like this, "," which makes it easier to read than using substitutes like this, "1 a/\/\ /\/\a5k3d 73x7."

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