Soludo, SPUNK and MessiCombSh@wtz.

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Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:13 pm

This was one of my first baits and looks like it's just come to the end so time to publish.......

Standard letter from our well known friend at Central Bank of Nigeria. There was a couple of little phrases I quite like highlighted below, one helped me get him off script.

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO D Urtbocks
11 OCT 08

THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
TINUBU SQUARE,VICTORIAISLAND,
LAGOS-NIGERIA
OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR
Tel: +2348063763582.

ATTN: HONORABLE BENEFICIARY,

RE: IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT CONTRACT #:
AV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009

This is in Acknowledgement of Your Immediate Contract Payment: Contract Number #AV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009.
On behalf of the entire Staffs of the Central Bank of Nigeria and the Federal Government of Nigeria in collaboration with the Authorities, who are in charge of Foreign Contract Payments, we Apologies, for the delay of your Contract Payment and all the Inconveniences and Inflict that we might have indulge you through.

However, we were having some minor problems with our Payment System, which have demoralized us and caused a lot of predicament to us that are Inexplicable, which have also held us stranded and Indolent, not having the Perseverance and Aspiration to devote our 100% Assiduity in Accrediting Foreign Contract Payments. We apologize once again for all the inconveniences.

From the Records of outstanding Contractors due for payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your Name and Company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding Contractors who have not yet received their payments.

I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square hole, and can be voguish for that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the record in my File, your outstanding Contract Payment is US$37,000,000.00 (Thirty Seven Million United States Dollars).

Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:
1) Your Full Name:
2) Phone, Fax and Mobile #.
3) Company Name, Position and Address.
4) Profession, Age and Marital Status.
5) Working Identity Card/Int'l Passport.
6} YOUR BANK DETAILS.

As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you in a Certified Bank Draft or Wired to your Nominated Bank Account directly from Central Bank of Nigeria.

Yours Sincerely,
From,Professor. Ckukwuma Charles C. Soludo..
Executive Governor,Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Tel; +2348063763582.

As this was one of my first baits I wasn't too familiar with the script process so I started dictating my story early on, it worked out well however - and the square peg thing came in useful

Quote:

FROM D Urtbocks
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 11 OCT 08
Thankyou for your email regarding the above issue. My name is Donald Urtbocks and I am one of the Commisioners of Messicombsh@wtz Research. You will have to excuse my ignorance of this matter but our offices in Nigeria were recently burned down and a lot of our client information has been lost. We are in the process of regathering this important data but as I'm sure you will understand this is something of a difficult process. If at all possible your help in any of the matters below would be greatly appreciated.

We are currently involved in several projects in throughout Nigeria and indeed Africa as a whole but do not appear to have a reference to the contract that you specify. The only reference with which we can associate you at the moment is the joint venture alongside Square Peg Urology Neolotics Knowledge (SPUNK).

We were aware that there were several legal issues with SPUNK and that the ongoing work was in some doubt. Am I to understand that the difficulties with SPUNK have been resolved and that you have been allocated to oversee our grants program on their behalf?

If this is the case then we are happy to proceed with our initials plans and can once again ensure that the SPUNK donations lined out below can continue to be authorised.

SPUNK DONATIONS Oct 2003 - Jan 2009

Allocations A112 - B223 (Total $237,221) ALLOCATED
C221 - C229 (Total $109,229) ALLOCATED
F763 - H215 (Total $231,862) Awaiting Allocation

The good Professor sent me the second part of his script completely ignoring what I'd wrote. MessiCombSh@wtz Research are a persistent and kinky lot though....

Quote:

FROM D Urtbocks
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 12 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Please accept my apologies if the content of my previous communication was not clear. As I explained our African operations have been subject to various difficulties and at the moment we are besieged with enquiries from various parties regarding our work.

As previously mentioned we have only been able to link your contract to our partnership with the Square Peg Urology Neolotics Knowledge (S.P.U.N.K). We would be more than happy to continue this program of SPUNK donations but will require lubrication and your hand in this matter.

I will forward your query to our legal department as soon as possible and they will be in touch with you. Meanwhile, if you could send (via email) scans of any documentation which we need to complete as well as evidence of your ID and proof that you are indeed authorised to sanction these financial transactions then it would be greatly appreciated.

Good day to you Professor Soludo,

Yours in suspenders,

D.Urtbocks

I'd decided to forward him to the Legal Dep so I could shift him to a different email addy. And as promised our dedicated Legal Dept get in touch. Any Steve Coogan fans out there in Baiterland?? Ahaaa!!

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 13 OCT 08
Dear Professor Soludo,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alan Partridge. I am one of the Advising House Associates of the Legal Team here at MessiCombSh@wtz Research. Your details were passed onto me by Mr D.Urtbocks, one of the Commisionners of our Grants Department.

Mr D.Urtbocks tells me that you are to be our new contact regarding SPUNK donations throughout the African continent. I believe he has already contacted you with regards to any paperwork which may need authorising.

I look forward to working with you Professor Soludo.

Knowing Me, Knowing You,
Alan Partridge,

AHA
MessiCombSh@wtz Research

It seems the Prof doesn't want to speak to the legal dept though. Maybe the thought of D Urtbocks in suspenders excites him too much so he persists with the old address. Could explain the capitals Rolling Eyes

He also included a bit of Lad kit ID - nothing thrilling

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO D Urtbocks
DATE 14 OCT 08

HOW ARE YOU TODAY WITH YOUR FAMILY? EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD REQUIRES TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING. THIS IS MY OFFICIAL ID CARD WHICH YOU ASKED FOR. I WILL ADVISE YOU TO FORWARD YOUR INFROMATIONS LIKE YOUR BANKING DETAILS, MOBILE PHONE NUMBER, MAILING ADDRESS AND YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS' LICENSE. AS SOON AS I RECIEVE ALL THIS INFORMATIONS, THEN WE CAN PROCEED FOR THE DOCUMENTS OF THE TRANSACTION. DO YOU HAVE A LAWYER TO SEND THAT WILL SAND FOR YOU AND SIGN ALL DOCUMENTS? OR SHOULD I GET A LAWYER FOR YOU HERE? WAITING FOR YOUR UPDATE.

FROM CBN GOVERNOR.

It seems he's trying to get me on script again - let's put him straight, mention underwear again and give a little hint at future trophies

Quote:

FROM D Urtbocks
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 14 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Thankyou for your recent email and the ID provided. This has been forwarded to the legal department of MessiCombshawtz Research and one of our team will soon be in touch regarding your SPUNK donations.

There seems to be some misunderstanding on your behalf however Prof.Soludo. I will not be forwarding any PERSONAL details to you. The transactions will be handled by my company, MessiCombShawtz Research. I personally am in no position to authorise these grants (F763 - H215). I was merely charged with helping to find the correct hands to facilitate our SPUNK donations following the fire at our Nigerian office.

Also note Prof. Soludo that due to complicated tax laws here in the UK regarding overseas grants any there is documentation that you will be required to fill out. This will be sent to you via email from the legal department of MessiCombShawtz Research.

Please do not hesitate to contact me again if there are any problems.

Your's in Garters,

D.Urbocks,
Commissioner - MessiCombShawtz Research.

Back comes this...typical ignorant lad. I've already told him about personal details!

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO D Urtbocks
DATE 14 OCT 08

HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BARRISTER THAT IS TO HELP YOU OBTAIN THE DOCUMENTS FROM THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE?BECAUSE WITHOUT ALL THIS DOCUEMENTS, NOTHING CAN BE DONE IN THIS TRANSACTION. AGAIN YOU HAVE NOT SENT YOUR BANKING DETAILS AND YOUR MOBILE PHONE AND ADDRESS AND YOUR I.D

SEND ALL THIS IMMEDIATELY AND CONTACT THE LAWYER AND LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE CONTACTED THE LAWYER BECAUSE THERE IS NOT TIME TO WASTE ANY MORE FOR THE TRANSACTION TO TAKE PLACE, WAITING FOR YOUR UPDATE.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING

FROM CBN, GOVERNOR.

I decide to ignore mentioning the ID request again and instead send him mail from the Legal Dept again. Alan Partridge has passed the job onto his assistant though....wascally wabbit Smile

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 14 OCT 08

Good Day to you Professor Soludo,

We have recieved communication from Mr D.Urtbocks, one of the Commisioners who is currently overlooking our program of SPUNK donations in Africa. More specifically, Mr. Urtbocks was helping us to piece together our client list for our SPUNK donation program in Nigeria following the fire at our Nigerian office.

He has let it be known to us that you, Professor Ckukwuma Charles C. Soludo, have been specifically designated to oversee the SPUNK donations. As you may know the donations for this term (F763 - H215) will total $231,862 (US).

First Prof.Soludo allow me to explain a little more in detail of this program. Please find below our mission statement.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The SPUNK Donation program is a joint venture between ourselves (MessiCombSh@wtz Research) and the Square Peg Urology Neolotics Knowledge (SPUNK). It is our aim to tap into the rich untapped mineral wealth of Africa and at the same time to aid the peoples of Africa with an extensive educational and health program. This is achieved through the development of Academies of Research, Sociology and Science (ARSS's) and a further health program called Medical Institute for National Gain and Education (MINGE).

It is hoped that by getting as many young men and women into ARSS's and MINGE we can greatly increase SPUNK development and aid the continent as a whole.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For your part Prof. Soludo you will be required to identify CHARITABLE CAUSES WHICH DIRECTLY ENHANCE THE QUALITY OF LIFE FOR YOUNG AFRICANS. We require the names and addressess of AT LEAST FOUR AND NO MORE THAN SEVEN organisations which satisfy the above criteria. We would also require a short description of the work that these charities perform and evidence that these charities are officially registered as charities in Africa.

We cannot stress enough that it is these type of organisations that profit from our funding program and NOT private business enterprises. I believe it is because of your qualifications and trusted position as Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria that Mr. Urtbocks had identified you to oversee these grants.

Once you have provided the above Prof. Soludo we will send the paperwork necessary to you for signature and then arrange release of the donations (F763 - H215) to you. It will then be your responsibility to distribute these funds on to the chosen charitable organisations as you see fit, within your country.

I hope that the above is clear. We wish you luck in your role and hope that you can help us to encourage a generation of educated, proud and independent Africans.

Your's Sincerely,

L. Mofudd,
Legal Dept.
MessiCombSh@wtz Research.

I back this up with another mail from D Urtbocks, still kinky..

Quote:

Dear Prof. Soludo,

I have been contacted by the Legal Dept. here at MessiCombResearch and they assure me that they have emailed you already. Mr. A.Partridge and his assistant Mr L.Mofudd have both contacted you. Please re-check your email for any contacts from either of them. Their dept can be emailed at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hope this matter can be resolved.

Your's inabasque,

D.Urtbocks

There was a day or two of back and forth as I tried to get Prof Sol mailing the Legal Dept only. Got there eventually and he sent a request for the paperwork I'd told him about earlier Laughing

L Mofudd is quickly on the case

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 16 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Thankyou for your email. It is good to hear that you have now recieved our emails as I believe there had been some difficulty in this matter. And may I thank you a second time on behalf of MessiCombSh@wtz Research and Square Peg Urology Neolotics Knowledge.

Without men such as yourself Professor it would be difficult to foresee any circumstances in which this work would be performed. (Quite true - I wouldn't be doing this but for my Lad!)

The paperwork you require is being prepared as we speak and should hopefully be with you before the weekend. It is merely to outline the basic information needed regarding the groups and/or charities that you have identified, or are in the process of identifying, and their worth as beneficaries of financial assistance.

Please allow me to remind you Professor that the groups and/or charities selected by you must fully satisfy the terms outlined in the email we sent on the 14/10/2008. I am sorry if I seem to be repeating myself but it is incredibly important that the aforementioned terms are met. This will help greatly in facilitating a speedy and trouble free transfer of funds.

Please also note that this documentation is needed not only for our records but also that we may satisfy the UK Taxation Authorities that any donations being made are of a charitable nature, and as such, entirely exempt from tax penalties.

Yours Sincerely,

L. Mofudd.
Legal Dept.
MessiCombSh@wtz Research.

I sent off the paperwork the day after with some guidelines for him. Nothing too funny, being my early days I was still getting giggles from timewasting and mentioning SPUNK so much...still am actually Laughing

Quote:

FROM MesiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 17 OCT 08

Dear Professor,

Please find attached a .jpg image of the paperwork which must be completed to ensure the planned allocation of SPUNK donations F763 - H215 can go ahead.

The forms are fairly straightforward and should present no problems. The only stipulations are that the forms are completed by hand, in full and then scanned and emailed back to us here at MessiCombShawtz Research.

I will now list the information required on the forms and how best to provide us with this.

---------------------------------------------------------------
NOMINEE - This is of course yourself Professor Soludo. Please enter your full name and any titles.
NAME OF ORGANISATION - This is the name of the organisation you are proposing to recieve a SPUNK donation.
ADDRESS OF ORGANISATION - This is the address of the organisation you are proposing to recieve a SPUNK donation.
NATURE OF ORGANISTION - Here you should specify what the basic role of the organisation. For example, are they a charity, a school, a sporting club etc.
OVERVIEW OF ACTIVITIES - In this space you should write about what specific activities the organisation performs. One or two examples of work or activities recently performed will suffice.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Once this has been filled out then it is merely a matter of both yourself and the Chairperson or leader of the organisation you have nominated signing and dating the form. Please be reminded that the forms must be printed out and the information must be handwritten. Once this is done please scan the completed forms and email them back to us.

Also note that a seperate form must be filled out for each individual organisation. You will remember that we previously asked you to nominate between a minimum of four and maximum of seven organisations.

We trust that the above will present no problems for you Professor and look forward to receiving the completed paperwork. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you experience any problems with this.

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd.
Legal Dept,
MessiCombShawtz Research.

It took him a couple of days but he got back

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSha@wtz Res
DATE 20 OCT 08

How are you today? Here is the completed form filled and all is ready. open it and you will see everything.So how much are you peoepl donating? i am waiting for you update.

Prof. Charles Soludo.

And so they were

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/Soludo4.jpg

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/Soludo3.jpg

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/Soludo2.jpg

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/Soludo1.jpg

There was of course a little problem

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 21 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Thankyou for your prompt reply concerning the paperwork necessary for the SPUNK donation. There is one minor error which needs rectifying however. The paperwork for "The Little Saint Orphanage Home" was not dated. We cannot pass the paperwork on to our Board of Commissioners without all the information. If you could see to this minor detail then we can proceed once again with the necessary efforts to make a SPUNK donation.

Also, to answer your question regarding the size of the SPUNK donation, it will total $231,862 (US Dollars). It will be upto you to judge how this will be divided between the organisations you have nominated. Please also remember that any expenses such as transport, staff and other logistical costs incurred by you in gathering this information and the distribution of the SPUNK donation should be took from this grant before it is passed to the nominated organisations.

I would recommend that you keep note of these expenses and how you plan to divide it between the organisations as we will need to have this information for our records.

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd.
Legal Dept.
MessiCombSh@wtz Research.

Like the good little Lad he was becoming he rectified the error a mere two hours later Shocked

Surprisingly efficient for a lad! He's also eager to about claiming his expenses. So much so he's forgotten how to spell his name

Quote:

FROM Prof Sol
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 21 OCT 08

Good day to you Sir,

Here is the form attached again for your view because I have rectified the mistake in the date of the Little Saint Ophanage Home, I am now waiting for your update on how you are going to send the money for the SPUNK Donation to us, is it by western union money transfer or through account? so that I can forward to you the payemnt information on how to make the donation.

However, the money will be equally shared among the nominated organisations which I have enlisted in the form sent to you. Concerning the expenses, such as transportation e.t.c and my staffs who will be involved in the project, I will settle them as soon as I recieve the donation from you.

Thanks for your understanding, I am waiting for your favorable response.

Prof. Cahrles C. Soludo,
Exc. Governor, CBN

Of course I get back to him....just to mention spunk a bit more really

Quote:

FROM MesCombRes
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 21 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Thankyou for the corrected paperwork. I have double checked all the paperwork personally and all seems to be in order. They will now be put forward for authorisation by our Board of Commisioners. Mr D.Urtbocks is among the Board of Commissioners so I do not envisage there being any problems as you have already struck up a good working relationship with him. Just so you are aware the Board of Commisioners next scheduled meeting is for this coming Thursday morning.

Whilst the authorisation process is going ahead it may save some further time if you could send a list of your expenses for our accounting records. We have to declare each individual expense to the Tax Authorities here in the UK so as to avoid the SPUNK being diluted by tax penalties. If you could also list the nominated charities and the exact amount they will be receiving. This is merely because the SPUNK donation will be made in five seperate loads. One for your expenses and then four more for the charities you have chosen.

Concerning the method for the SPUNK donation we can deliver it by whichever process you prefer.

Thankyou for your ongoing co-operation.

L.Mofudd.
Legal Dept.
MessiCombShawtz Research

He sent his breakdown soon enough - funny how his expenses tallied exactly with the SPUNK donation amount.

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSha@wtz
DATE 22 OCT 08

ATTN: L.Mofudd,

RE: IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT CONTRACT #: AV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009

Your message is acknowledged. In response to your question, this is the amount to give to each charity organization.

Little Orphanage Home………………………..$ 56,000
Eze NNE Motherless Babies’ Home…………. $58,000
S.O. S Children Village………………………. $ 60,000
Father Albert Orphanage Home………………. $ 50.000
Transportation & Staff Expenses………………$7,862.

The total amount of ………………………… $231,862

If my staff and transportation expenses can be paid by western union I will give you the name to receive it with and I will forward to you and an account where you will wire the remaining amount. I wait for your Update and I look forward to your favorable response.

Yours Sincerely,

I left him for a day, it was all getting a bit mundane. He kept on pestering though so I sent my excuse for not getting in touch - Honestly, give them a whiff of money and you can say anything!

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 23 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Firstly, allow me to apologise for the lateness of my reply. While out with my good lady wife on Tuesday evening I believe my drink was spiked with some form of hallucinogenic drug. As such I spent the rest of Tuesday evening and most of Wednesday imagining that I was General Custers Barber. I'm sure you will understand that this left me quite unfit to work.

Thankyou for your email regarding the breakdown of the SPUNK donation. The only query I have is concerning the Staff & transportation expenses. We will need more detailed information than this to satisfy the Tax Authorities here in the UK.

How much was for staff expenses and what were the travel expenses? Were they for Fuel, Car Hire, Trains, Buses etc?

I am due to meet with Mr D.Urbocks in the next couple of hours and he will inform me of the details of the Commissioners Meeting at which your SPUNK donation was discussed this morning. I will email you back as soon as I can to let you know. It will probably be late this evening as I am staying at the office late to catch up on work that has been delayed by my brief illness.

Your's Sincerely,

L.Mofudd.
Legal Dept.
MessiCombSh@wtz Research

He sent a little breakdown, nothing interesting. Time to throw a spanner into the works
Laughing

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 23 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

I am afraid that there has been a problem with your SPUNK donation.

You will recall that we asked for some identification from you near the beginning of our correspondence. You sent us an Identity Card from the Central Bank Of Nigeria. This bore your signature which I attach below.

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/SoludoSignature2.jpg

As you will see, this signature is somewhat different to the one on the Charity Documents you filled in, a copy of which I also attach.

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/NotsoKeenon/SoludoSignature1.jpg

It has been deemed impossible to authorise any SPUNK donations until we can see some ID bearing the same, or an acceptably similar, signature as the one on the Charity Documents. Given your position in the Central Bank Of Nigeria I'm sure you will understand the need for us to follow due procedure when large financial transactions are involved.

Please let us know if there are any difficulties with this. In the unlikely event that there are any problems then myself and Mr D.Urtbocks will try to find an acceptable solution.

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd,
Legal Dept,
MessiCombSh@wtz Research

The day after he get's back to me. Quite, quite pathetic Rolling Eyes

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 24 OCT 08
I recieved your mail and I do not see that as any problem at all. As an international business man you do not expect me to have only one signature as a senior bank of official in central bank of Nigeria. My official working I D is more confidential business i use that for monetary matters that involves the federal governemnet of Nigeria and commercial banks, The other signature i used in the charity works is just for social and charitable matters like this SPUNK donation. So i don't see that as any problem at all. I believe what is more important is the charitable donation and the impact this donation will contribute into the lifes of the people the money you are sending will affect. Their prayers alone will make your organisation to grow bigger that what it is now. so forget about the signature as that matters less, i have satisfied all your requirement, so let me know what they discussed at the meeting on thursday and when they are going to send the money so that i can forward you the payment information as soon as I hear from you with favourable response.Once again,You can come to CBN to meet with me face to face to see and comfirm with your eyes because I have told you that it is my two signature that I am using. One is for business, The other is for official matters. So you have nothing whatsoever to be afriad, if you want to help the ophans and the motherless babies who sleep on the street, you can go ahead and do that with your free spirit and will bless you for doing that and I believe I have furnished you with all what you need to make the donation possible.I am waiting for your update.

The banking world doesn't need verifiable ID's, just prayers and a little willingness to ignore the small stuff Shocked

Doesn't quite cut it with MessiCombSh@wtz's Legal Beagles though.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 27 OCT 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

Thankyou for your email regarding your signatures. However, it IS a problem that the signatures do not match. If you do not have any ID bearing your social and charitable signature then would it be possible for you to write both signatures on a piece of paper and scan this for us. I hope this isn't a problem.

This would go some way to satisfying the Board of Commissioners that they are indeed dealing with the correct person. As an "international business man" you will understand the need for security when dealing with large amounts of money. You must understand Professor that we cannot make donations unless we can show nothing has been overlooked. We are not making any unreasonable requests and we are as keen as anybody that the SPUNK donation can be made with the minimum of mess.

Thankyou also for your invitation to visit you at the CBN. Although this would not be necessary at the moment I am grateful for your willingness to help with these matters. I personally have never visited Africa but would very much like to sometime in the future for a holiday. Do you get many tourists in Lagos? Which hotels would you recommend and what is the nightlife like?

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd,
Legal Dept.
MessiCombSh@wtz Research.

Didn't hear from him for a few days, sent a reminder and then he got back around 8/9 days later....a tad upset!

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 8 NOV 08
HOW ARE YOU TODAY AND WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR TO RESPOND TO MY LAST MAIL SO THAT I WILL KNOW YOU ARE OUT OF MY FILE. GET BACK TO ME NOW.OR ARE YOU A DECIEVER?

Quite unbecoming a man of his esteemed position. Maybe I mis-understood.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 8 NOV 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

I am not quite sure I entirely understand your nonsensical rant.

I was under the impression that you were no longer interested in recieving our SPUNK donation as you had not replied to our emails concerning your signatures.

Yours in puzzlement,

L.Mofudd,
Legal Dept
MessiCombSh@wtz Research

He didn't reply for two days, maybe taking time to calm down?

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 10 NOV 08

Dear L.Mofudd,

I recieved your mail, it is you people that is not serious not me. because i accpt to do the job for you people by doing all requirement you need and I ahve asnwered your question on signature that this is my two signature that i am using. As a CBN Governor you can't expect me to use one signature.I have been explaining this to you and i have sent that message to you several times and i believe you have seen it but you are just pretending,WHY? I think you are sick in the head or you don't know how to read? GET BACK TO ME in all this if you are not ready for the donation, inform me so that i can let them know that you are not interested in helping any more as you promised. maybe you are a joking who play with your computer like a child.

From,

Prof. Charles Soludo
Gov. CBN

Ah, maybe not Shocked

L Mofudd is a respectable type though and replies with a little more civility.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 10 NOV 08

Professor Soludo,

I merely asked that you write both signatures on the same piece of paper and then forward this to me. You seemed to think that this was an outrageous demand and then accuse me of being sick in the head. This is most unbecoming of a man of your supposed professional stature.

As a CBN governor you would understand the need for these types of security protocols when dealing with the investment of large sums of money to a foreign country.

Although sorely tempted I will not stoop to the level of hurling insults as you have done. In the interests of professionalism I am willing to view this debacle as a simple misunderstanding and continue with the SPUNK donations providing I receive a hand written apology with both your signatures at the bottom.

I shall leave this with you. If you agree then let us get these donations back on track - if not, then simply email me with your decision and I shall consider our business concluded.

Will Soludo accept this - or continue to throw me a few contenders for sig quotes.....

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 11 NOV 08

I can see that you are not serious to make any SPUNK Donation, You are just joking. You don't even have money to donate the charity homes and you are making noise, maybe you are one of all this poor men that need help from Government. i have satisfied you with all what you asked for, so what is the problem that you keep complaining when i have explained everything to you that the two signature is from me. As a CBN Governor you can expect me to be using one signature, I think you don't have money at all because people who have money don't talk too much, they let the money speak for them.

Sig fodder, of course
Smile

I'll keep prodding him though.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz
TO Professor Soludo
DATE 11 NOV 08

Professor Soludo,

I do not dispute that you use two signatures. I merely ask that you write both signatures on the same piece of paper and send it to me. Instead, you spend your time sending increasingly bizzare messages. It is getting very tiresome now.

Why can you not put both signatures onto the same piece of paper and prove to me that they are both yours? It would take a lot less time than the emails you have been sending me. All I ask is for both of the signatures OR one single good reason why this is beyond your abilities.

Well, he seems to get the message eventually.

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 12 NOV 08

IF YOU PEOPLE WANT TO HELP THE PORR AS YOU PROMISED,GO AHEAD AND DO SO,STOP LOOKING FOR LITTLE EXCUSES THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AT ALL.YOU KNOW THAT I AM A VERY BUSY MAN AS THE CBN GOVERNOR,I DON'T WANT YOU POEPLE TO BE WASTING MY PRECIOUS TIME THAT I WILL BE USING FOR MORE OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS RATHER I USE IT TO JOKERS LIKE YOU. I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. IF I SHOULD BRING THE BOTH SIGNATURE ON A PAPER AND SCAN IT AND SEND TO YOU AS YOU WANT, ARE YOU GOING TO SEND THE MONEY IF YOU HAPPEN TO COMFIRM IT THAT IT IS THE SAME FROM ME? LET ME KNOW NOW.

PROF CHRALES SOLUDO
GOVERNOR,CBN.

Yes Prof, good idea - Can't help but feel I'd mentioned it before but he got there.

I get back with a small slap

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 12 NOV 08
Profesor Soludo,

We are not making little excuses - we are simply taking sensible security precautions.

In regard to your question the answer is Yes. If you supply both signatures, clearly written on the same piece of paper then we can make the SPUNK donations. I made this clear to you nearly three weeks ago. It is you who has been delaying, not me. I am not the joker in all this.

Might I also suggest you alter the tone of your emails. You have shown extreme rudeness recently and I will not put up with this much longer.

Yours,

L.Mofudd
Legal Dept
MessiCombSh@wtz Research

He gets back to me again - the slap worked, so humble!!

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 13 NOV 08
your message is well recieved, and the content is well understood. I am going to send you the two signature as you need, but i hope something else will not come up after i must have sent you the scanned signatures by start asking me unreasonable questions? please let me know all this because i have been spending my money and my time for moving around and calling the charity organisations i contact for the donation. Please assure me of this and i will do as you need now, as for the tone of my mail, if i sounded runde, i apologies, it was due to the fact that i thought you were just jokers and not serious people who want to make donation. you should assure me now before i go ahead and send the signature in my next mail to you.

Thats better Prof! Time for a little reference close to the truth and of course, a cheap Spunk gag - hoorah!

Quote:

FROM MSCOMB
TO PROF SOL
DATE 13/11/08

Dear Prof Soludo,

Thankyou for your email. I assure you that all we now need is a scan of a piece of paper with both your signatures clearly written on it. Please ensure these are as clear and large as possible and written with the same pen.

Many thanks also for your humble apology. I can assure you that I am not joking in any way. All our requests so far have been reasonable and merely in the need for security. As I am sure you are aware there are a lot of unscrutable individuals out there who think nothing of preying on the trust or ignorance of others.

We look forward to recieving your signatures and getting this SPUNK donation over and done with. It is regrettable that such a mess has been made with the SPUNK so far.

Yours,

L.Mofudd
Legal Dept
MessiCombShawtz Research

Fast forward a bit and I've got a scan of both sigs. It's not a great copy he's done but I don't want to kill the bait over that so I accept it. I ask for bank details (for Al@n of course) and get this

Quote:

FROM Prof Sol
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 17 NOV 08

I RECIEVED YOUR MAIL AND THE CONTENT IS WELL UNDERSTOOD. I WOULD PREFER A BANK WIRE TRANSFER AS YOU SUGGESTED.I WILL FORWARD THE ACCOUNT WHERE TO SEND THE MONEY TO, BUT CAN YOU SEND THE TRANSPORT AND STAFF EXPENSE BY WESTERN UNION BY THIS NAME, MR. FRIDAY OGBU, ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA SO THAT THE REMAINING AMOUNT WILL BE SENT BY ACCOUNT. THE ACCOUNT WILL BE FORWARD TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY OPINION IN THIS MATTER? GET BACK TO ME NOW

PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO.
CBN GOVERNOR.

I'll post this to the forum now...bums gone numb sitting here! TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!

Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:58 pm

That's better, ahhhh!

So we continue. The Governor of the Bank of Nigeria would get money sent to the bank where he works yes? Ah, no.....

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 19 NOV 08

DEAR L.Mofudd,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I SEND YOU MAIL IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MESSAGE, YOU HAVE NOT REPLIED BACK, WHY? ANY WAY, THIS IS THE ACCOUNT YOU REQUESTED WHERE I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO SEND THE MONEY. SO THAT THE MONEY CAN BE DISPATCHED TO THE ORGANISATIONS HOMES BECAUSE I CAN NOT USE CBN BANK ACCOUNT TO AVOID NIGERIA GOVT OR CBN BOARD OF AUTHORITY OFFICIALS THINKING THAT I AM STOLEN MONEY AWAY FROM GOVT ACCOUNT. I HAVE TO USE THIS ACCOUNT IN INDONESIA. AS SOON AS THE MONEY GETS TO THE ACCOUNT,THE MONEY WILL REACH ME WITHOUT ANY QUESTION FROM CBN OFFICIALS OR FEDERAL GOVT.GO AHEAD AND SEND THE DONATION AND LET ME HAVE THE PAYMENT SLIP INFORMATION TO FORWARD IT TO MY FRIEND IN INDONESIA. NOW, EVERYTHING IS LEFT FOR YOU PEOPLE NOW TO ACT, I HAVE LEFT THE BALL ROLING IN YOUR COURT. ACCOUNT INFORMATION BELOW:
DEAR L.Mofudd,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I SEND YOU MAIL IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MESSAGE, YOU HAVE NOT REPLIED BACK, WHY? ANY WAY, THIS IS THE ACCOUNT YOU REQUESTED WHERE I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO SEND THE MONEY. SO THAT THE MONEY CAN BE DISPATCHED TO THE ORGANISATIONS HOMES BECAUSE I CAN NOT USE CBN BANK ACCOUNT TO AVOID NIGERIA GOVT OR CBN BOARD OF AUTHORITY OFFICIALS THINKING THAT I AM STOLEN MONEY AWAY FROM GOVT ACCOUNT. I HAVE TO USE THIS ACCOUNT IN INDONESIA. AS SOON AS THE MONEY GETS TO THE ACCOUNT,THE MONEY WILL REACH ME WITHOUT ANY QUESTION FROM CBN OFFICIALS OR FEDERAL GOVT.GO AHEAD AND SEND THE DONATION AND LET ME HAVE THE PAYMENT SLIP INFORMATION TO FORWARD IT TO MY FRIEND IN INDONESIA. NOW, EVERYTHING IS LEFT FOR YOU PEOPLE NOW TO ACT, I HAVE LEFT THE BALL ROLING IN YOUR COURT. ACCOUNT INFORMATION BELOW:

That all seems quite legitimate Wink

I needed to delay while Al@n got to work. I sent him an email asking for confirmation but made sure I had the wrong amounts listed. He soon replied...

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 20 NOV 08

The bank account i gave to you is correct but your list is wrong. Why are you looking for a fault? I am a man of policy and I have a Fear of God. I do believe in Christ Jesus because I came from a Christian Home. The money you are sending is not for me, is for all this poor ones and their prayer will make you to continue moving forward in life and prospering. Everything is left for you people now. I have saitisfied all your requirement. You are to go ahead and send the money now.I am waiting for the payment slip and also your phone number as i asked. Call me on my telephone immediately you send the money.Tel;2348038097619.

I kept this up for a while, pretending I hadn't received emails and asking him again and again for confirmation of the details. He was getting angrier so I sent this to get his back up....

Quote:

FROM MESSICOMBSH@WTZ
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 24 NOV 08

Dear Professor Soludo,

I submitted your SPUNK claim to the accounts department. They have got back to me asking that you make an alteration. As you know the allocated fund is $231,862. The claim you made adds up to $233,862 which is $2000 above the SPUNK threshold. Please alter the details of your claim so that they add up to the correct amount.

LITTLE ORPHANAGE HOME $ 56000
EZE NNE MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME $ 60000
SOS CHILDREN VILLAGE $ 60000
FATHER ALBERT ORPHANAGE HOME $ 50000
EXPENSES INCURRED BY PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO $ 7862
--------------------------------------------------
TOTAL SPUNK REQUEST $233862
SPUNK DONATION $231862
--------------------------------------------------
EXCESS SPUNK REQUEST $ 2000

Your's Sincerely,

L.Mofudd,

Legal Dept,
MessiCombShawtz Research

It worked

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Research
DATE 25 NOV 08

Your message is acknowledged. In response to your question,I did not make any alteration in my calculation of how the SPUNK Donation will be disbursed. Instead I see that you people are just looking for fault. These was the exact amount I sent to you that will be given to each charity organization.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Orphanage Home………………………..$ 56,000
Eze NNE Motherless Babies’ Home…………. $58,000
S.O. S Children Village ………………………. $ 60,000
Father Albert Orphanage Home………………. $ 50.000
Transportation & Staff Expenses………………$7,862.
The total amount of ………………………… $231,862
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In your own calculation you are making the alteration"I do not know where you got the $2000 EXCESS SPUNK REQUEST FROM?. MY TOTAL FUND EXPENDITURE ENDS AT EXACTLY $231862 WHICH IS THE AMOUNT YOU ARE SENDING FOR THE DOANTION. So where did you get the extra $2000? Or are you not paying attention to my own list? I want you to take a good look at my list you will find out that my list is correct, you are the one making the mistake. You Included $60,000 twice which appeared once in my list, or are you people jokers? as I said before? I can't continue wasting my time with unserious people. If you know you people are not serious to make the donation, please kindly let me know so that i can't stop wasting my time beliving you people. You are fake. I do not understand why you keep looking for fault. you people are not serious at all. I have forwarded the account where you are to put the money in, now you are complaining again over an issue which you out rightly know the truth that you are looking for fault.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LITTLE ORPHANAGE HOME $ 56000
EZE NNE MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME $ 60000
SOS CHILDREN VILLAGE $ 60000
FATHER ALBERT ORPHANAGE HOME $ 50000
EXPENSES INCURRED BY PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO $ 7862
--------------------------------------------------
TOTAL SPUNK REQUEST $233862
SPUNK DONATION $231862
--------------------------------------------------
EXCESS SPUNK REQUEST $ 2000
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If I do not see the payment slip in your next mail, i will be convinced that you people are playing with me and hence i willterm you jokers.

Prof Charles Soludo.

And then the day after

Quote:

Dear L.Mofudd,

How are you today and did you get my last mail yesterday? because i am tired of comments of you people are the time. you people knows what you are doing. I have sent all what you asked for collectively,Yet you are still delaying. Who want to help orghanisation of poor people or charity or whatever you call it, will not find fault, will just go ahead and do that thing your spirit direct you and you will reap from the blessing of the almighty God from heaven, not by complaining when there is no fault. So if you are no more ready to Donate to the organisations, then let me know so that i can inform this charity organisations that i have given high hopes that you are no more helping them again with the Donation. Due to i have already informed them. You know what you are doing, check very well and know if i have the wrong calculation to each organisation or you are the one making that mistake in your calculation.Tha is why from the begining I called you people a joker, but you said you are not. Answer my question.

Prof. Charles Soludo
CBN, Governor.

The professor has kindly rectified my mistakes so I guess I should just crack on....or I could be pig headed and not acknowledge his corrections Wink

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Research
TO Professor Soludo
DATE 26 NOV 08

Professor Soludo,

I can assure you we have made no mistake whatsover. It is very simple. Much like yourself seemingly.

You have told us you wish to split the SPUNK donation as follows.

LITTLE ORPHANAGE HOME $ 56000
EZE NNE MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME $ 60000
SOS CHILDREN VILLAGE $ 60000
FATHER ALBERT ORPHANAGE HOME $ 50000
EXPENSES INCURRED BY PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO $ 7862

The Total of this amount adds upto $233,862.

The SPUNK donation is for $231,862.

Therefore you have claimed $2000 too much. It is very, very simple. You are a banker - surely you have some basic arithmetic skills? We need you to give us information that adds upto $231,862.

L Mofudd,

Legal Dept,
MessiCombShawtz Research

He's not happy!

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSha@wtz Res
DATE 26 NOV 08

You people are just confusing yourslf. Did you not see my list? I have $58,000 not $60,000 or are you going to force me to agree to your term by accept that uit was $60,000? will that be ok by you If i accept? What is wrong with you people. You keep acting like a child, istead of to be sincere and honesty you keep decieving yourselves. If you don't want to doante or not, let me know because i am tired of your arguement, i understand your message perfectly well, but you don't understand my message to you.

Aw bless him. I'll concede here and let him have his way.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSha@wtz Research
TO Prof Soludo
DATE 26 NOV 08

Professor Soludo,

I have noted your complaint and forwarded it to both our Accounts Department and Customer Service Departments. I will change the amount for EZE NNE MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME to $58,000 and have forwarded the new claim for remittance.

All our banking transfers are performed at 1630 Uk time so I will check with Accounts shortly afterward to ensure the payment has been processed.

L Mofudd,

Legal Dept
MessiCombShawtz Research

He seemed appeased by this. He then started asking for an address and phone numbers, rather late in the scam but who am I to argue. I gave him the address for Scotland Yard and their number. He's also asking for a bank transfer slip - I told him, it's all done electronically Solly boy!

And what thanks do I get....

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 28 NOV 08

Dear L.Mofudd,

I recieved your mail, but i don't understand the conetnt very well. How can you make payment without paymnet slip, that is not done any where in the world as far as the banking system is concerned. I am a senior bank officials, as CBN Governor. If you are really sure that you sent the money, let me have the bank name, and the payment slip before i can beleiev you. If not so, I will know that you are a joker. Again, the number you sent to me is entering voice mail all the time when i called, no body is picking it up, why? I am waiting for the payment information and your I.D Card or your international pass port or drivers' License. Be clear to me immediately by sending all this requested information for me to believe and wait for the time given as you said by next week monday or tuesday. Thanks for your understanding. I look forward to hear from you.call me also.+2348038097619,

Prof. Charles Soludo,
CBN, Governor.

Thats what you get when you argue with a respectable senior bank official - a big load of bollocks!!

Let's put him straight and send a 5 meg Dll file.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Professor Soludo
DATE 01 DEC 08
Professor Soludo,

I'm not sure why you keep insisting on a payment slip. I have told you that all our banking is done ELECTRONICALLY. It is paperless! We process many thousands of payments per month and it would take far too long to do them all by hand. Perhaps the technical advances of the last 30 years have bypassed the Central Bank of Nigeria?

The phone number I've gave you seems to work fine for everybody else so I'm not sure why you can't get through? Are you dialling the correct international code? I enclose a file with scans of my various ID's. (5 meg worth of DLL)

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd,
Legal Dept,
MessiCombShawtz Research

All quite clear - though he's not convinced and still having problems with Scotland yards 0300 number.

Quote:

FROM Prof Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz
DATE 02 DEC 08
Dear L.Mofudd,

i recieve your mail. I still don't underatand you people. the I.D you sent to me can not be opened. i do not know why. Again, about your telephone number, i want you to know that it is not today i started making international calls, to different countries, so yours is not an exception. I know that most UK numbers starts with +44, so why do you send 0033 ??

And also, my friend check with the account you were instructed to send the money and she informed me that there was no money there. without you sending me the payment slip, i can not believe that you sent the money because that will be an evidence that money was sent on so so so day. or can you prove to me if the money is in the account i forwarded to you to pay the money into or not right now? Again, You are sending Thousands of Dollars to all over the world but you can not even call me for one day, and when i asked for your number to call you, you gave me wrong number. How do you want me to believe you that you sent the money without payment slip, because there is many Jokers on internet playing games with there computer. Here is my phone number again for you to call me +2348038097619. Let me know all this in all arrangement now.

Thanks,

Prof. Charles Soludo.
CBN,Governor.

I try to clear it up for him, I'm a good guy after all. I also dangle the carrot of a new number. I fancy a chat now but I'm not calling him.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Res
TO Professor Soludo
DATE 02 DEC 08
Professor Soludo,

Firstly, the phone number does not start with 0033 - it starts with 0300.

The 0300 series of numbers was recently introduced into the UK for the use of Public services and Non-Profit organisations. Since thte SPUNK donations are dealt with as a Charitable cause they fall under this category.

Please try the number again - If you cannot get through I will send you my personal office number.

L.Mofudd
Legal Dept
MessiCombShawtz Research

There. Clear as can be and an alternative offer for a phone number. But alas, I feel his patience has worn thin!! I'm not sure I can pick a favourite part out of this below to stick in my sig! It's my first proper Lad rant and I love it!!!

Quote:

FROM Professor Soludo
TO MessiCombSh@wtz Res
DATE 03 Dec 08

Look Here L.Mofudd, I think you don't know what you are doing. You are a stupid man. and youare a poor man.If you need job, i will help you, you will work with me as one of my boys so that i can make you to have money to live comfortable and become rich someday.

You say you send thousands of dollars everyday to all parts ofthe world for the past 30 years and yet you can not call me for one day and you sent no I.D, fake attchement, fake people, fake life that you are living you and your family. if you do not change your ways, you will die poor, wretch.

Do you think that i am a fool like your generation and your family linage. You know nothing,I can send people to track you down where you are now, because i have many access in this world.

You are not taking about the money you said that you sent ELEECTRONICALLY which is all a lie, you are talking bull shit, talking nonsense, talking about the fake phone number that is not available in the worl dthat you sent claiming to be for non profitable organisation.

I think i will advise your organisation to start selling VEGETABLE in the market INSTEAD of claiming to be a non PROFITABLE ORGANISATION. you people are fake, your life is fake, your family is fake, your generation is fake, just wasting your father and mother's time for nothing, making me make promises to this poor organisation that you will help, not knowing that you people are looking for HELP.

How am i not sure if you people are not scammers looking for a way to pull money out from the account i forwarded to you???????

I will make for this answers now.

PROFFESSOR. CHARLES SOLUDO
CBN GOVERNOR.
TEL: +2348038097619

Steady on Prof!! I've sent one last message to try and keep him going.

Quote:

FROM MessiCombSh@wtz Research
TO Professor Soludo
DATE 03 DEC 08

Look here Prof. Soludo,

Please visit this web page. It is information from OFCOM regarding 0300 numbers. OFCOM are an independent organisation which regulates the UK’s broadcasting, telecommunications and wireless communications sectors.

http://www.ofcom.org.uk/consult/condocs/numberingreview/statement/0300guidance/

If you are intelligent enough to do the above you will see that this proves categorically that 0300 numbers are used here in the UK. However, since I sincerely doubt that you will be able to understand this I have also provided another link for you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/fun/

The above link is a series of games suitable for 3 year old children. I feel this may be better suited to a man of your obvious mental shortcomings. That said even this may be something of a stretch for you.

As regards the SPUNK donations I should inform you that we will no longer be able to work with you unless you can put us in touch with your grown up helper. We now realise it was somewhat misguided of us to ask you to help as it is patently clear that you are in approximately the same IQ bracket as a discarded toe-nail clipping.

Yours Sincerely,

L.Mofudd,
Legal Dept,
MessiCombShawtz Research.

I dearly hope he gets back to me!

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