P@ul Y0rlegg and Juliet - match made in heaven... (on-going)

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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:28 pm

A tale of true love, interrupted by an inconvienient motorcycle crash. As my alter-ego lays on his hospital bed, he receives an emotional email from Juliet. She neither knows what's going to hit her, nor what's hit poor old Paul.

It starts thus:

Quote:

Nov 27th
Hello Dear,
My name is Juliet Bezebi Petros,i read about you in www.becquet.ca site and i decide to contact you hopeing that you will accept me as your friend,if you accept my request ,please reply to my email address ([email protected]) so that i will send you my photos and more about me,i believe we can make good friends,let distance not be a barrier but lets love connect,because love is a bridge connect far distance to be close
Yours Lovely
Juliet.

"Love is in the air... Everytime I look around"

Now I know for a FACT that anyone who is intimately attracted to ol' P@ul Y0rlegg is trying to scam... Time for a good old string-along

Sadly for Juliet, Paul's not much in a position for typing, so it's a case of voice recognition and anyone who's tried to use such softwar knows how crap it can be. My advice is to read it aloud, it all makes sence...

Quote:

Nov 27th
Hor are ewe?

Hits nice 2 here from ewe.

Eye feel eye should ex plane, hay phew weaks ago, eye had Ann accident hon Maya moto-dike, sew eye car knot right Knorr type whiff Maya Hans. Sad Lee, eye have broken Maya risks and eye yam inn grate pane.

Lucky Lee, Maya compute her haz Boice recognition whiff a dyke row phone, so eye can still right whiff Maya peach.

Peas, tel me habit more about ewe.

Look 4 ward 2 earring from ewe sue n.

Pull

Geddit?

My Lad's still on script, so here it comes:

Quote:

Nov 28th
Hello Dear,
How is everything over there in your country and the day, i believe you are having a nice moment and that the atmosphere over there in your country is very nice today? Mine is a little bit warm over here in Dakar Senegal .
My name is Juliet Bezebi am (23yrs) but age doesn't matter in a real relationship, so i am comfortable with your age, I am from Rwanda in Africa, 5.7ft tall, chocolate in complexion, very attractive, single, (never married ) and presently i am residing here in Dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country some years ago. My hobbies are Tennis, Swimming, reading and homemaking
My late father DR bezebi petros was the managing director of bezebi COCOA INDUSTRIES (Ltd) in KIGALI (the capital city of RWANDA, my country) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.
It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country SENEGAL where i am leaving now as a refugee under a Reverend father's care and
i am using his computer to send these message to you.
I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture.
Hoping to hear from you soonest
Yours forever,
Juliet

Her pics are here, but as I can't be sure that it IS her, I'll grant postbox annonymity:

So what a surprice, she has a rich family - hope that they're not in trouble/dead/require a lot of money being shifted etc....

Replies Paul:

Quote:

Nov 28th
Deer Julie ate

Hi yam Surry 2 say vat vee whether his knot furry nice @ vee Moe meant, butt eye car knot sea furry well as hay re salt of Maya accident. Eye 1/2 2 squint juice 2 sea Maya compute her scream. Vat, and Maya hospital bed is quiet fart from Amy widdow.

Hi hop vat ewe can under stand Maya massages. Maya docked her zed vat hall bee cums clearer if ewe reed hit allowed. Sad Lee Maya spiel chequer dose knot take Maya in juries in 2 consider a shun.

Hi arsed the Norse if sheet ache a photon of me has hi yam write now. She zed of Corrs and ewe Will fined hit attached 2 Diss he male.

Ewe arsed me a bout my lights and Diss lights, well hi light writing Maya moto-dike, butt Diss eye can know long grrrrr do, ass my moto-dike is now inn Manny, Manny pisses. Hi Diss light vee traffick Polish, coss they felt vat hi had 2 be arsed lots of quest shuns, even when hi was inn vee back Hoff Ann ambulance, a bout Maya crash and watt Corrs zit. Loader wank hers.

Maya hobb bees are compute ting, mod Dell rail Rhodes and juice 4 fun, hi inn vest inn vee stock ex change. Hi yam quiet good @ vat!!

Hi car knot weight 2 here from ewe furry soon. Eye Will try 2 arse the Norse if sheet Goa out to pee sea world to bye me a knew her Boice recognition programme. Diss 1 is knot furry good, butt hit can wreck cog nice some words instantaiously. Wheel oil beef hooked!

Best witches

Pull

I added a generic pic of a bloke with broken wrists (why not, he looks nothing like me)

A reply comes the next day:

Quote:

Nov 29th
Dearest Sweetheart .
How are you today together with your health which is the most important thing to me hope fine.?I am more than happy in your reply to my mail. when i read your mail today is give me full joy and happiness .thanks you once again i will like to see you face to face soonest . i will like to be part of your life. In this refugee we are only allowed to go out only two times in a daily. Its just like one staying in the prison and i hope by Gods grace i will come out here soon.
I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war i am in the guildence of Rev. Peter James who is the pastor of the (Christ for all Churches) here in the refugee camp he has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i am leaving in the female hostel because the refugee camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.
The Rev priest Tel number is (+22176-52-89-900) i will be waiting for your call soonest when you call tell the Rev priest that you will love to speak with me miss Juliet he will send for me because i am in the female hostile.

As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country. I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place. Please i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you latter,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in one of the leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is $6.5M (Six Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) So i will like you to represent me as my foreign partner as well as trustee so that the fund will be transferred to your account on my behalf and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I kept this secret to people in the refugee here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend whom i explained little about because i make he gave me access to use his office computer twice aday. So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember i am giving you all this information due to the trust i deposed on you. I like honest and understanding people,truthful and a man of vision,truth and hardworking. My favorite language is English but our language is french but i speak English very fluently. wish to hear from you soon
Thanks
Yours love. Juliet.

So she needs money (turn up for the books)

I ignore the pleading and reply the same day

Quote:

Nov 29th
Dear Juliet

My this is better. The nusre went doubt and got me a knew voice regognition programme from P C World during her launch and already i can see that it is going to bee much easier to understand. She said it Costa over a hundred and forty pounds but luckily i had lots of money in my wallet. Because my hands are knot working yet i told her to help herself to the cash and i have not seen her nor my wallet since. Never mind things could be worse.

I am also happy two say that along with the knew programme she also got me a knew microphone which is extra sensitive and it picks up sounds from very far away charging CLEAR give me fifty m gs of adrenaline quickly please shit weir loosing her charging three hundred and fifty and CLEAR bollocks

Sorry about that Juliet i had to cover the microphone up there. I think the lady in the next cubical is in trouble and they have just brought in the crash cart. Poor cow. I don't hold up much hope for her. In the other hand i feel great today i hope to bee using my wrists and hands any day now oh the beef stew please and jelly for pudding can you put the straw in there for me thankyou oh shit it's still writing sorry sorry Juliet.

I hope you can come to visit some day. With all that money from your family i am sure you could come and see me. I am in Beth mall green hospital in east London. You should meat my doctor, Mike hunt Hertz. He is very funny. You would like him.

I have to go now. Some one just put a needle in my arm and now i am feeling very drousssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssss
sssssss

And Paul's out for the count...

Meanwhile, Paul's doctor adds some interest, a sort of 419-3some... Here's what he had to say for himself:

Quote:

Nov 29th
To Ms. Y0rlegg

I write to you as a result of a network-wide scan of the computer system and have noticed a number of communications between your email address and a patient at our hospital, a Mr. P@ul Y0rlegg. I am the physician-in-charge, Dr. Mike Hunt-Hertz.

I feel it neccessary to point out (while maintaining patient-doctor confidentiallity) that Mr Yorlegg is under our care for severe injuries sustained from a motorcycle accident. At this time he is only able to communicate through the medium of voice-recognition software and I have noticed that some of the messages have not been clear. I feel it is my duty to provide you with more information regarding the status of the patient.

He is kept under heavy sedation at all times. He believes that he has merely broken his wrists and once they heal, he will be able to type and use his hands as normal. The fact is quite different and somewhat disturbing. In the accident, his hands were crushed by a coach and whilst unconcious, both his hands had to be amputated. Crude prosthetic limbs have been substituted for now, as the shock in his weakened state is liable to cause cardiac arrest. For his own sake, please do not tell him about the nature of his own injuries.

I feel it is also my duty to point out that Mr. Yorlegg DOES have an up-to-date will, concerning the allocation of his estate post-mortem. It also appears that his life insurance policy is also fully-paid up at this time You may wish to speak to him regarding this, but not in such a way that causes undue panic nor stress. He is to be kept calm at all times.

Thankyou for you assistance in advance

Mike Hunt-Hertz
Physician and Chief Gynocologist
Bethnal Green NHS Trust

Well with a name like that, he would be a gynocologist. I know it's not spelled right, who cares? My Lad didn't, but she's not spoken to him since.

Anyhoo, 2 of these show up the same day:

Quote:

Nov 29th
Dearest honey,
Thank you for the mail , My prayer is for God to grant me my pursuance,please l want you to help me out in this my darkest moment, please i do hope you will not betray the trust respode in you, I confidently know you wont not betray the trust. Presently ,I am residing here in Senegal where i am seeking my political asylum as refugee due to this crisis in my country.

Secondly i want to relocate with you to start a new life and also a good business venture that will be profit oriented to us.As well Finnish my studies. Now due to my political situation, I cannot make this claims by myself, i need you to stand on my behalf to the bank, That is why i decided to make this contact with you, For you to stand on my behalf to the bank and ask them the possibility of transferring this fund into your position in your country.I have the account number of my late father and his death certificate, Everything concerning this transaction is clear.

Listen very well, All that i have told you concerning my present situation is the real life am passing through right now, I have the proves for the existence of this account, All i need you to do for me is to contact the bank on my behalf as my foreign Representative, And find out the possibility of transferring this fund into your position in your country.So I will like you to first make contact with the bank where this fund have been deposited, let us hear from them before any other thing will be done, It is due to the trust and love i have in you that made me to disclose this matter with you, Believing that i am safe in your hand, No body knows what i have and where i am,

Please i am asking you for my safety and security keep it very private ok, I know that God will see us through.Once the fund hit your country, You will now send me money to process my traveling document, as you know now, I have nothing with me for now also i will be very happy to hear your voice on the phone today. So once i get you, you can also mail me, I will send the bank contact details to you,from there you will make contact with them concerning the account and find out the possibility of transferring this fund into your position ok, I really appreciate your concern,

Waiting for your urgent response so that we can proceed.Also send to me your address and your phone number in case i want to call you.Please if you know you can handle this, Because i don't want you to leave me half way. I will come back later to check your respond. Also tell me more about your self. My i really love you have a nice working day.
yours Lovely Juliet.

I ignored both of these, naughty Lad going back to script... But I DID get this one, it would appear that Lad has realised that I'm not well! (finally)

Quote:

Nov 29th
Hello My Darling,
i really fill very sorry to hear about you condition, i will be praying for you that the almighty God will set you free,darling i wish am with you at your sick bed but as my leg did not rich my heart is always with you, the Almighty God will always be with you, thanks and have a nice day with lots of love,
yours forever Juliet.

FINALLY!!!

So it's time for this reply, to dangle a nice, big, fat, tasty (yet sadly bogus) carrot for my donkey to consider!

Quote:

Dec 1st
Deer Juliet

I want to thank you Heather so much, it is Wonderwall to hear from you after such a, Frank Lee, crap weekend. My doctor told me that i May have to wait a little longer to type to you, so i have to make do with this useless software and i still think that this microphone is 2 sensitive oh aisle have the steak please and mash no i can't have the boiled spuds have you tried to suck them through a straw Christ i still have some dignity oh shit it's still on.

As for you coming down here, hey why not? It would be love Lee to have some company. I get ever so lonely. I will gladly send you something to help you with your costs and air tickets and so on. Do you have western union near you? I can get the Norse to send the money to you whenever. She is a sucker for a pour bastard with broken wrists!

I hope you have a love Lee day 2

Lots off love

Paul

So it seems that Paul's voice recognition's getting better and i hope the mention of good ol' W.U. will get Julie salivating like that Pavlov dog she is...

I leave it at this, but hope that more is to come. It's just funny to ignore the whole transactional side of the scam...

What larks.

Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:49 pm

So after dangling the bogus carrot, did Juliet drop everything she could to get some money out of poorly Paul? Well, yes. Everything to do with her father and family's riches seems to be forgotten and all of a sudden, she's seeing the (imaginary) dollar signs:

Quote:

Dec 2nd
Hello My Darling,
how are you over there today together with your health which is the most important thing to me i hope all is well with you, honey how do you fill today, i hope your filling better, i wish am with you over there to take care of you by my self, but i hope to join you soon, yes darling western union is here so please when you want to send me money for my air ticket and other things you can use this address OK (28,RUE VINCENS) my name is Juliet Bezebi, i will be very happy to be with you soon, to take care of you by my self, thanks and take good care of your self for me, waiting to hear from you soon, have a nice day with lots of love,
yours lovely Juliet.

I feel its time to compare photos with one especially made for the occasion. With the guise of lovesickess and envy on the part of the medical staff, I try my hand at baiting for an embarrissing photo. As with most of the puns, it's entirely vocal. Read it out loud for yourself:

NSFW if you DO decite to read it aloud!

Quote:

Dec 2nd
Halo Juliet my love

Its rotten bean here on my own. Dr. M!ke hunt Hert2 says i yam lucky to have some 1 like you to chat with. Hide love to see you hear in Beth anal green and i have even arsed the Norse to print out the pictures you sent me. It is a shame that they are so small, my Doctor says. It is funny to see him when he looks @ your pictures, as he gets turned on and has to leave the room.

In fact he says that someone like me could never be found attractive by some 1 as good looking as you. He has made a bet with the surgeon, mr. S! C0ttick, that the person in the pics is not you. I was so sad to hear that they would think that. Can you help me prove them wrong?

I would be so happy if you could take a picture of yourself proving who you are. Like if you hold a sign saying "I REALLY AM S! C0TTICK AND M!KE HUN7 HERT2" That wood shut them up and i mite be able 2 get some piece and quite.

In the mean thyme, i will arse the Norse to get her back side to western onion if you can tell me how much the plain will cost.

All my love 4 Heather

Pull

("I really am psychotic and my c*nt herts") - If that were in a sitcom, it'd win baftas...

Prepare for a dissappointing fob-off:

Quote:

Dec 3rd
Hello My Darling,
how are over there today together with your health which is the most important thing to me i hope all is well with you, darling i read your mail today and i understand you, but you know my condition here and you know i don't have any money with me to snap a new picture, please darling i want you to understand that i will soon be there with you, then when i come there you will see me and the doctor will also see me and believe that is me, but if you insist you can send a Little money for me to snap the picture for you, thanks and take a very good care of your self for me, I LOVE YOU i will be waiting to hear from you soon,
yours lovely
Juliet.

Just how much does a photo cost?

Anyway, the problem I've found is that it is harder to push for cheeky things like that with love scams, so it looks like I'll have to let it go... for now...

Anyway, Dr. M!ke Hunt-Hert2 has to take the helm. To be honest, finding ways to make the text deliberately difficult is hard work. Time to make my Lad do some work and tell them that cash is on the way... Sort of...

Quote:

Dec 4th
Hi Juliet

I've asked the doctor to type this, my hands aren't good enough yet to type. I've just sent the money through western union for you. I did it online and got a secure ID. It encrypts the mctn, so even I don't know it. I asked the nurse to go out and send the money the old fashioned way, but she has gone off and started work at another hospital with my cash. Not happy, but this IS the NHS we're talking about.

There was a message that came up that I was to forward to you, and here it is:

=====================================================================================================

Dear Western Union® customer,

First, we would like to thank you for using Western Union®. We are glad you chose us for your money transfer needs. We would also like to inform you that due to an increasing number of criminal scams from overseas, we have decided to implement a security feature for all transfers originating from your state. We are hopeful that this new feature will help us reduce the likelihood of our services being used by criminals to commit financial scams.

Please forward this email to your recipient. The recipient must visit the following website to retrieve the MTCN number for your money transfer. Currently, this is the only way to retrieve the MTCN. For security purposes, if the MTCN has not been successfully retrieved within 48 hours of transfer, the transfer will be canceled and money returned to sender.

http://m7cn.se(ure.l@

Enter the following code to access your MTCN: 8bd3492dd5f1b23d8fcaffe513765743

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you, but at Western Union®, your security is our #1 concern.

Thank You,

David Barnes
Executive Vice President - US/Canada
Western Union Headquarters
PO Box 6992
Greenwood Village, CO 80155-6992
Tel: +1 (206) 905-9742

======================================================================================================

I don't quite understand this myself, but i think doing this releases the mctn for you to get the money I sent you. I've send 200 pounds, hope that is enough to get you started and get a ticket or a camera or something.

If it isn't, just get in touch, nothing's too good for my darling

All the love in the world

Paul. (typed by Dr. M!ke Hunt-Hert2)

So it's time to see if my Lad (or should that be Laddette?) will take the bait.

For anyone who has yet to discover the joys of this game, the m7cn.se(ure.l@ site will take the long code and make the Lad re-discover the happy memories of co-ordinate finding in order to spell out the (sadly ficticious) mctn code. It is painstaking and for added frustration, I've made it impossible to finish. To see how many times so far, click here:

http://mtcn.secure.la/baiter.php?id=8bd3492dd5f1b23d8fcaffe513765743

The mugu well and truely landed and replied:

Quote:

Dec 5th
Hello My Darling,
how are you over there today together with your health which is the most important thing to me i hope all is well with you, darling how do you fill for today? i hope you are filling more better, darling i receive your mail with the later you forward to me, but i did not know how to operate it, please darling i want you to send me the MTCN number because that will be easy way for me, the later you forward to me i don't know how to operate it, i will be very happy if you can send the MTCN number for me because that will be more easy for me, once again i thanks you for your kind efforts and caring over me, i really love you with all my heart, thanks and take a very good care of your self for me, i will never forget to tell you that I LOVE YOU with LOVE from my deepest heart,
yours love, Juliet.

You can almost sense the desperation. Sadly, Paul isn't too techincally inclined:

Quote:

Dec 5th
Halo Joules i ate

I yam knot too bad today although my voice is crrrrrrrroaky. I yam Surrey to here that you are having problems whiff the weston onion thing. I wood love to give you the number, butt i do not have it. The weston onion web sight does not allow me to see it, but only you with that long code thing.

You mite have more luck if you take the long code to the weston onion shop and arse them to explain it to you.

I half to go now. Dr. M!ke hunt-Hert2 is cumming whiff more medicine for me. Yay!

All my love for ever and ever

Pull

Time for some legwork from the Lad... Or maybe not. I think we've found one of the few refugee camps with internet access. Out of curiosity, I located the IP and she is in Daqar, Senegal

So the reply comes:

Quote:

Dec 5th
Hello My Darling.
how are you today together with your health i hope all is well with you and i also hope that you are filling more better, darling i read your mail and i understand you, but please i don't know how to operate it and you know that am living in the refugee camp i don't allow to go out, so is the reverend will help me and pool out the money and you know there is no way i can ask him to help me go to the western union without any information, please darling what you have to do is to send the Nurse again to the western union to go and ask them to give her the MTCN number or she can pool out the money back and resend it so that they will give her the MTCN number, i think that is the easy way you can do it if you really want to help me, please darling remember that am suffering here in the camp, and you know i love you with all my heart, and i really want to be with you and take care of you by my self, thanks and take good care of yourself for me i will be waiting to hear from you soon, have a nice day with lots of love,
yours lovely Juliet.

I let her stew overnight and come the morning, this ray of sunshine Very Happy

Quote:

Dec 6th
Hello my dear Juliet

I have found a setting on my program that allows it to understand me more easily with a scottish accent. Strange thing is, I'm not scottish... oh well.

Yes of course, I will send the nurse out to the w u office as soon as i can, just for you. It probably won't be until monday, though as the w u office does not open on Sunday (as a good Christian girl, I'm sure you will understand)

As soon as she knows it, I will know it and soon after that, you will know it

I must go now, It is time for bed

Good night, sweet dreams, God bless

Paul

I really don't think I could be any nicer nor more useful if I tried...

I leave it for the rest of the weekend, no internet access at home yet and more to the point even I need a day off...

And on Monday, I find this gem in the rubbish of my harvesting inbox:

Quote:

Dec 8th
Hello My Darling.
how was your weekend over there together with your health i hope all is well with you, darling how do you fill for today i hope you are filling better, honey i read your mail and i understand you hoping that very soon i will join you over there to take care of you by my self, please honey try your possible best to send the nurse to the western union so that they will give her the MTCN so that you will send it to me OK, or she can Withdraw the money and resend it back, i hope you understand, darling the almighty God will bless you and reward you in every of your efforts to help me out, thanks and take a very good care of your self for me, i will never forget to tell you that I LOVE YOU with LOVE from my deepest heart,
yours lovely Juliet.

Now, Christmas is a-coming, so time to make my 'beloved' feel wanted. I've also had a think about new ways to confuse and infuriate my Lad. Everyone, meet Yorkshire Paul!:

Quote:

Dec 8th
Eh up our Juliet

Ta muchly fer gettin back to us, 'ope you 'ad a grand weekend an' all like.

Sorry if this seems a tad diff'rent to t'last email, as I've been fiddlin' like, an' foun' this t'riffic settin' to make it sound all Yorkshire like. 'Tis grand an' mek no mistake!

I 'ad a bit ofa think over t'weekend like, and I 'ad to reckon that 200 pound were 'ardly likely to get you over 'ere now, so if it's ok wit' you, I'll send t'nurse back with 2 grand (2000, like) to western union. She'll 'ave to gerronna bus, cos she has no motor t'her name like.She'll let me know when that's gone in like, an' I'll be lettin' you know when an' how an' all.

'Ave to be gettin on now, got an operation today, keep 'em crossed for me like.

Wit' love an' all

Paul

Again, reading it out loud will:

a- make everything that little bit clearer

and

b- make evryone near you think that you're a bit strange...

So another week to come hopefully and in true soap magazine style, I'll let you into plot to come:

WILL the nurse reach the w u office or will she be mugged on a bus? I work in a bus depot and have a digital camera, shouldn't take more than a few minutes with some mates

WILL Dr. M!ke Hunt-Hert2 tell the Lad to tell Paul about his injuries to kill him and then go to chase the life insurance? (What a twist!)

WILL Mr. S!. (0ttick get a look in? (Hope so)

Watch this space!

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