Valley Girl drives scammer nuts!

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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:13 pm

My 17-year old daughter thought it would be a hoot to send this to a scam she received recently. The person wrote back only once and said he tought she had "the devil in her!" Needless to say, we laughed! Here it is:
His "name" was Mohammod Moham-
Dear Mom-moh or can I just call you Mo since we're like, such dear friends!
So, How the heck are ya buddy?! I'm like, so glad that you think of me as like, your buddy! So, okay, like, I'm a Sagittarius, and my aura is like, totally in Mars today! I got my "monthly friend"...and like, I get so crabby and just want to eat raisins and chutney! Isn't that like, so queer? So anywho, my Mom's like, trying to get me to go to this like, store, ya know? And I'm sooo sure, but she's like, let's go and I'm like, okay. So like, we go and then this is what happened...

And like, all these like, really great shoe stores
I love going into, like, clothing stores and stuff
I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff,
It s like so BITCHEN cuz like everybody's like,
Super-super nice,
It's like, so BITCHEN
On Ventura, okay,
I just bought some bitchen clothes
So like I just toss my head 'n flip my hair
and like, this guy, he is sooo weird, he goes,
are you into S and M?
I go, oh RIGHT .
Could you like just picture me in like a
LEATHER TEDDY
Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME...
I'm sure! Like, NO WAY!
He was like, freaking me out...
He called me a BEASTIE...
That's cuz like, he was totally BLITZED
He goes like, BAG YOUR FACE!
I'm sure!
Okay, fine...
It's really sad,
Like my English teacher
He's like,
He's like Mr. BU-FU!
We're talking Lord God King BU-FU!
I am SO SURE
He's like, so GROSS
He like sits there and like plays with all his rings
And he like flirts with all the guys in the class
It's like totally disgusting
I'm like, so sure It's like, BARF ME OUT...
Gag me with a spoon!
Anywho, I just had to find, like,
A pair of jeans to fit my butt
So like, instead, I wanna go, like a place to get my toenails cut
So like I go into this like salon place, y'know
And I wanted like to get my toenails done
And the lady like goes, oh my God, your toenails
Are like, so GRODY!
It was like, really embarrassing
She's like OH MY GOD, like BAG THOSE TOENAILS
I'm like sure...
She goes, uh, I don't know if I can, like, handle this,
y'know...
I was like really embarrassed.. .
Like my mother is like, a total space cadet
She like makes me do the dishes and CLEAN the cat box
I am sure!
That's like GROSS!
BARF OUT!
OH MY GOD!
My name, like, is
Ondrya Wolfson
Uh -huh
That's right, Ondrya. Like, you have to say it, like, this
ON-DREE-AH!
Uh -huh...
I know
It's like...
People think I, like, talk funny...
I'm sure...
Whats'a matter with the way I talk?
I live in like in a really good part of Encino so
it's okay
So like, I don't know
I'm like freaking out totally
Oh my God!
Hi - I have to go to the orthodontist
I'm getting my braces off, y'know
But I have to wear a retainer
That's going to be really like, a total bummer
I'm freaking out
I'm SURE
Like those things that like, stick in your mouth
They're so gross...
You like get saliva all over them
But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know
So you can, like, see my smile
It'll be like really cool
Except my like, my teeth are, like too small
But NO BIGGIE...
It's so AWESOME
It's like TUBULAR, y'know
Well, I'm not like really ugly or anything
It's just like
I don't know
You know me, I'm like, into like, the clean stuff
Like PAC-MAN and like, I don't know
Like my mother like makes me do the dishes
It's like so GROSS. . .
Like all the stuff, like sticks to the plates
And its like, it's like, somebody elses food, y'know
It's like GRODY...
GRODY TO THE MAX
I'm sure
It's like really nauseating
Like BARF OUT
GAG ME WITH A SPOON
GROSS
I am SURE
TOTALLY...

Well, Mo-Mo, that's all I like, have to say and like, think about, you know? So like, that's really sad that you're, like, a son of a miner? That's like, those caves that go really, like far into the ground? In like, Florida or something? God! I swear, I've never been to Florida, my dad is like, this really big, rich, TV producer thingy, so like, we always go to Hawaii and like Barbados or like, somewhere, I don't know, it's always like, okay Dad! Stop giving me money! I just, like, wanna just go shopping or whatever. My Mom is like, always getting her boobs done. Ew, grody to the max! So like, you're living in exile? Is that like, in New York City or something? I've been to New York. It's like, so dirty and the people like, really smell there! I'm like, "Hey people! Like, wear some deodorant or like, something!" My uncle, Donald Trump, he's like, Okay, Ondrya...I'm like, it's ONDREEAH!! And he's like, whatever, anyway, he goes, like, take my credit cards and go buy like a dog or a car or something and I'm like, EW BARF ME OUT! I totally, like, don't want some smelly DOG smelling up like, my new Mercedes!!
And like, sorry Mobely, I can't help you out with like, this money thing, like, my Dad, he like, always tells me to take nothing less than like, 80%...whatever that, like, means! Anywho! I'm totally off to the Mall. I like, so need to get some new shoes! The last pair I got were like, $1200.00 and like, I lost them when my best EX-friend, KIMMY HERSCHBEIN, like, said she was borrowing them and so, like, HER sister, Rachel, she like, got them all dirty when her car like, broke down and then she had to like, WALK, oh my God...WALK two blocks to like, the gas station to call for a limousine because her stupid, Blackberry, like, was dead!!! God! I'm like, call your butler and have HIM do all the dirty work! I'm So-(like)-Sure!!! And also, I'm like, REALLY bad at keeping secrets, yeah, like this one time, like, at Debbie Foster-William-Weinstein's Debut, as if!! It was so totally, like, "Debbie, this is like, SO 1987!!!" I mean, like, who has gold and silver, like, balloons and tablecloths at their 2008 Debut?! Especially when you're like, having Duck 'ala Orange for dinner? I'm so sure! Everyone like know, that those two things like, totally clash !For Sure!!! So like, Debbie tells me her cousin, Sabrina, like, totally had a nose-job, and I'm like, "Oh My God, who hasn't?!And she's all, "Well she did and now it's like, falling apart, so like don't tell anyone okay?" And I'm like, "Yeah, like, whatever!" and then Barry Green, like, comes up to me, like, he's so bitchin'! And like, he goes, "So, like, what's up with Sabrina's nose?' And I'm like, Oh God! I like, can't tell you that she had a nose-job and now it's like, totally boofed her face up!" And then I'm like, "Oh no! I like, totally wasn't supposed to like, tell you that! Oh My God!"
So, like, anyhow, Moo-Mo, Good luck with like, your life! I have added you to my friends file so like, we can talk another time! Totally, like, Tubular! I'll tell you all about my upcoming trip to like, my plastic surgeon to have like this really gross mole removed! So, like, that's like, really sweet of you to ask your friend, like, Allah, to like, bless me! Does he live in exile with you? Maybe he can like, help you with your money issues! That would be like, toooottttaaally tubular!
Okay! Well, Moooooooooooooooo-Mooooooooooooooooooo, it was great, like, chattin' with ya!
Peace out!
Ondrya

Not quite a Newb Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 56

That's hard to read. Good job. Did he reply with any good stuff?

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:37 am

Reminds me off my high schol days. Haven't heard that kinda talk in years. I thought this was a language long forgotten. How does your 17 year old know it?

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 2:41 pm

Brilliant! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:59 pm

The scammer sent a reply to her stating he thought she was possessed by the devil!

My daughter had been in my old albums from the 70's and 80's recently and had asked me about who Frank Zappa was and in particular what in the world was a "Valley Girl" after seeing the song on one of the albums.
I went to YouTube and found the song for her and she thought it was hilarious! So, when she received one of these ridiculous email's, she thought it would kind of funny to send him or her one just to annoy them and it did!
I do agree she overdid it with the word, "like", but I guess that was the point.

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:27 pm

dude, your daughter has a big career ahead of her writing for South Park... this is some very funny shit.

Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:20 am

Thanks! I will let her know! She loves that show! Surprised

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