TWAT - Chad Safari - Office Memo/E-mail Fwd Thread:

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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:18 am

Cleaning out the fridge might be useful, but agreeing on interpretations of scripture should be crucial.

Perhaps the new TWATs Andrew & Miracle should be sent a long piece of Bible text and asked -- nay, required -- to provide a detailed written interpretation of how that should be applied in the modern world, with particular reference to Africa.

I'm sure someone here could suggest a suitable text... Razz

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:58 am

Quote:

Shouldn't Miracle and Andrew now be required to register an xxx.twat email address each now they are eveloped in the TWAT fold?

Don't make us resort to tricking readnotify, PLEASE!!

@ Julian - Thumbs up

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:22 am

@Firehose5's mention of company training made me think of where an organistation like TWAT would site it's training facilities..

Quote:

Subj PLEASE READ: Next introduction training course date

ATTN. all senior clergy

Please note that the next seminar entitled "Introduction to The Watchtower Apolcalyptic Testament ministry" will be held in Tenerife, Canary Islands on 25 October 2008.
We need to find the total numbers for this session by 25TH SEPTEMBER. This year, the 2-week session will take place in the SHERATON LA CALETA 5-star hotel, which also has a fine spa facility. I think you will agree that our mission in Tenerife has exceeded last year's location, in that the Sheraton is much nearer to the beach and has a place of worship within easy walking distance.
Please remind delegates they will need to inform us AT BOOKING TIME of any food preferences or special sleeping arrangements required. This year, the daily spending allowance is provisionally 100€ per day, but this will be confirmed by T.W.A.T. accounting nearer the date.
All applicants for this seminar must request a delegation form from Rev Phystme, and submit their contersigned copy by 25th August AT THE LATEST.

We still have 10 places available for any senior clergy that wish to attend as a refresher course. Please contact me directly for these places.

--
Your humble brother in Christ,
Reverend Culo Beso
El Fraile T.W.A.T. mission
Tenerife

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Well, Mel1nda Babyj4y is not taking this whole fridge thing lying down:

Quote:

Sister V1cki

The yogurts in question were brought in on Friday, and were removed that same weekend. I have a real problem with the way food from the refigerator is handled. You would think that if all food is really cleared out over the weekend I should see an empty refigerator when I come in every Monday. This is not the case.

If you look in the refigerator now you will see a twelve pack of beer that was put there by Reverend D0ver over two weeks ago, the remains of a brisket from the office party that took place three weeks ago and several tupperware containers marked "Reverend D0ver" that have been there for god only knows how long and have green fungus growing in them. Clearly the refigerator is not being totally cleaned out every weekend, rather certain people (like myself) are being picked on unfairly while others are allowed to do whatever they please. Sister V1cki, go look in the freezer. There are about six frozen pizzas that are severely freezer burned and have been there ever since I started working here two years ago. Why have those pizzas not been thrown out? If those were my pizzas I guarantee you they would have been tossed.

Sister V1cki, I take exemption to your insinuation that I do not do my part in cleaning the kitchen. I wash the coffee pots at least once a week and I wash the coffee cups that people pile in the sink. I am a secretary, not a personal maid, yet I am acting like a maid. And it is my yogurt (which was not bad, by the way) that gets thrown out, and my lunch that gets stolen.

The next time someone is hungry I suggest they chow down on whatever is currently residing in Reverend D0vers tupperware containers sitting in the refigerator. Then call emergency to have their stomach pumped. That would remove a lunch thief from our ranks as well as clean out the refigerator a bit.

Secretary Mel1nda Babyj4y.

In addition to complaining that I have been unfairly picked on I wanted to reinforce the idea that D0ver is fairly lazy. And yes, I know, I should have used "exception" rather than "exemption." That was done on purpose. Very Happy

Okay Sister Vick. The ball's in your court. Laughing

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:41 pm

Worf said:

Quote:

Oops, I just hit reply to all.

I'll make sure to BCC twat central next time.

Jayhawk said:

Quote:

Oops. My bad as well. I just hit "reply to all."

But the lads got them, right?

Although it'd be really funny if Worf and Jayhawk turned out to be just arguing between themsleves about non-existant food Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

The lads got them, but twat central didn't. And it's not non-existant food. It's my lunch, dammit! Very Happy

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

I've reviewed my previous entries. Perhaps they were a bit over the top.

Here is a better representation of the humor of TWAT.

A Pastor stood before his flock. Next week he informs the congregation that the Decon will be making a visit. The Pastor implores the congregation to clean up the church as it needs a good cleaning.

One of the parishiners is a painter, and offers to paint the church. He spends all the of money that the Pastor has allowed for the job. As he nears the last wall, he realizes that he will be short on material.

Wanting to finish the job on time, and without spending any more money he cuts the material (paint) with 1 gallon of water. Although it is much thinner, he feels that it will be ok as it is the rear wall.

Shortly after he finishes, the sky darkens and a sudden rainstorm develops. Because he had added so much water to the paint, it was unable to withstand the downpour, and washed off.

Now completly distraught, he throws his arms up in the air, and cries out...NOW WHAT DO I DO????

And the heavens part, and the voice of GOD proclaims...."Go my Son, REPAINT....AND THIN NO MORE"

Thus endeth the lesson.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

We often have emails sent out asking if employees, especially new ones, need business cards or a name tag. It could involve a form for the new Revs to fill out and return with their details.

We also have requests for news to be included in the upcoming newsletter.

And, RSVP requests for volunteers for church events, or staff picnic, or mandatory all-church meetings.

In short, it could be really funny to send out some emails that make the new Revs feel they need to respond in some way.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:53 pm

MissDirection wrote:

These should be archived somewhere for non-TWAT members to enjoy! Please? Pls? plzzzzzzz????

People should be posting the responses from Miracle and Andrew in this thread, so we can all enjoy them. I suggest waiting until they reply to post them, but it really doesn't matter. The easiest thing, for most, would be to post the email you sent, then their response. But, it doesn't really matter.

Jayhawk, I am absolutely loving the war there!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 26 Jun 2008 Posts: 18

bad_lad wrote:

Shouldn't Miracle and Andrew now be required to register an xxx.twat email address each now they are eveloped in the TWAT fold?

Nooooooooo !!!

This way, the e-mail account they use for everything else gets filled with the inane shite, rather than one they can easily walk away from.

Wright B Hindyou wrote:

Cleaning out the fridge might be useful, but agreeing on interpretations of scripture should be crucial.

Perhaps the new TWATs Andrew & Miracle should be sent a long piece of Bible text and asked -- nay, required -- to provide a detailed written interpretation of how that should be applied in the modern world, with particular reference to Africa.

I'm sure someone here could suggest a suitable text... Razz

The Book of Leviticus is full of suitable stuff....

Indeed, I recommend it for light reading

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:03 pm

Don't worry, we have control over this. They won't be abandoning this email any time soon. We just won't write them on anything else. They will HAVE to use this account.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Well, Melinda has had it and lets the rest of the office know:

Quote:

You people are sick! I have had it and rest assured that I will be bringing this up before Reverend Phystme.

I brought my sack lunch today that had my sandwich, a bag of chips and an energy drink. Imagine my surprise when I went to get my lunch and one of you decided that it would be funny to steal my energy drink. What is wrong with you people?

I was fuming angry when I was eating my lunch but I decided that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. That was before I started bloating up and passing gas every two seconds. It seems that whoever stole my energy drink also thought it would be funny to substitute regular cheese on my sandwich for the lactose free cheese that I normally use. Ha-ha! Aren't you people hilarious!

I am now swelling up, passing gas and miserable. I'm going home. Whoever did this knew I was lactose intolerant and knew what regular cheese did to me and decided to be mean and switch cheeses on my sandwich. I don't know what I ever did to any of you to deserve this type of treatment. I have always been nice to each and every one of you and now some bastard TWAT decides that it would be funny to make me sick. I should have all of you arrested. I might do that tomorrow once I feel better, but for now I am going home!

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Worf, it might be nice if you would send out an email later stating that Melinda's lunch is still in the fridge, but your lunch (Ham sandwich with cheese and chips) has suddenly turned up missing. It appears as if M3linda accidently grabbed the wrong lunch.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:21 pm

Fonda, as the queen of email forwards, would be more than willing to inundate everyone's inboxes with long christian-themed email forwards. Wink

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:34 pm

Is anyone emailing recipes? I've worked in offices for over 30 years, and one of the things that I always enjoyed was co-workers sharing their favorite recipes. I'd be willing to email one a week Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:40 pm

@Jayhawk,

That was a masterpiece. Too funny. I can only imagine what the TWATs are thinking when they are reading all this stuff.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:47 pm

Vir wrote:

Fonda, as the queen of email forwards, would be more than willing to inundate everyone's inboxes with long christian-themed email forwards. Wink

TWAT isn't necessarily christian-themed. It is just church-themed, so I think that tossing in a particular "brand" of church would not be appropriate to TWAT or the bait.

I am not the expert on TWAT, I have tried to read up on church baits at Eater Uni. We need to take care with this so that it doesn't spin out of focus, as Julian said.

Too aggressive of humour can break a bait and in this case a lot of hard work. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Once the fight between M3linda and Sister V1cki really starts to spin out of control maybe the new Reverends could be called in to mediate the dispute and make their recommendations as to what should be done. Since Dover and Phystme are too close to the situation they might need an impartial third party to tell them what should be done, and if someone needs to be sacked.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:29 pm

^^^^

Yeah, when e-mail fights break out at work in real life over inane things, eventually the higher ups step in to "break it up"...but in a very wimpy way of course (i.e. "we all have different opinions, but have to work together etc")

V1cky may be giving M3linda the silent treatment as of Friday, though, cause Worf's going to be on vacation in Ireland beers!

(<-Guiness)

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:57 pm

Melinda should show a bit of Christian compassion because:
Sister Vicki
Is feeling sicky.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:54 pm

tandenberg wrote:

I sent out the minutes of the latest Prayer Committee meeting.

I loved it Laughing

Btw, Sister Vicki is about to you a reminder tomorrow:

Quote:

Did you remember to submit a hard copy of the minutes to TWAT headquarters? You know that a copy must be filed within 3 days of the management committee meeting.

Sincerely,
Sister Vicki

'Cause she's annoying like that Wink

And take this,

Quote:

To All TWAT Members:

First of all, I would like to point out that the tone of Ms. Babyjay's e-mail is unprofessional and inappropriate. It also serves as a poor example to our new TWAT reverends. This is not how we conduct ourselves in TWAT. I suggest that a meeting be scheduled after I return from vacation to discuss this matter in private.

Also, it appears that Ms. Babyjay took my lunch instead of hers, as my lunch was missing today. There is a bag with the initials "MB" on it still in the fridge.

As for your other e-mail, Melinda, regarding Rev. Dover's lunches, you should now that he is currently traveling and must have read my previous e-mail by now, so I consider that matter closed.

Sincerely,
Sister Vicki

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:03 am

One of the peevish emails we would get was in regard to people deleting emails unread (everyone had Readnotify). For some reason, a couple of supervisors revelled in reading the three or four lines that showed up in the Outlook list and then deleting the email. That way they could claim they read the important part, while annoying the person who sent the email.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:02 am

The last message one of our brothers sent bounced from the yahoo servers - I suspect it's a full inbox, so itsupport must give a slap regarding email hygiene once he has some space again.

I have to say the level of petty uninteresting rubbish I've been getting as a member of the TWAT mailing list is of remarkable quality and really is awfully awfully tedious to read whilst still demanding attention. Well done everyone!

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:33 am

Anyone else getting a bounce?? If so, let me know and I'll send out the other addy. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Man, you people have really been piling on poor M3linda. Don't you know that she is lactose intolerant? Very Happy

I think I need somebody to come out on my side. Maybe somebody else that has had their lunch stolen from the fridge. I'm starting feel on an island here. (sniff....sniff).

M3linda will not be into work today as she is still at home, swollen up and farting like a madman.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 51

^^ Personally I think TWAT should bring in an investigator to look into the lunch stealing and cheese switching allegations.

I'd be up for the job as one Mr. Leonard Briscoe, if I could get an add to the mailing list ;P

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