Circe vs. Xcaluber

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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 1:07 pm

Anatomy of a Bait: Anything can happen during a bait, don�t be afraid to improvise but be careful or it may all end in tears.

Circe

Please sir if you would help me get my �8m I would gladly give you 250% I assure this proposal is 100% Risky Free and follows all usual modalities.

Xcaluber

Only 250% hmmm..... make it 300% and we have a deal!

As long as it is 100% rick free too!

Circe

I can assure you that Rick has nothing to do with this deal. It is just between you and me (and the internet) I am willing to consider your counter offer of %300 but first I would need a photo to ensure complete trust between us.

Xcaluber

Would a 10 meg renamed .dll file be acceptable? I'll send it 5 times just to make sure you get it.

Circe

Actually it would be much more helpful to me if you would draw a likeness of yourself and then Photoshop it until unintelligible then don't attach it to the email.

Then I'll be very certain you are who you say you are and be glad to give you anything you ask for. As long as I get my �8m!

Xcaluber

Consider it done!

Now to make sure that your are legit, I need 50000 cents transferred directly to my bank account.

Circe

Sir, I am grateful for your help in this matter. I am afraid my technology is very poor and because of the frequent tornados and those pesky snails here in London it is very unreliable. However, it just so happens that there is a Moneygram office around the corner from me. If you would give me your details I would be more then happy to send it to you that way, plus an additional fee for your trouble.

Xcaluber

Your mail is very well understood and noted.

Regarding the tornados. Where I live there these are very scarce. Could you possibly be able to catch one for me? I'll pay and extra $2000 for each one that you can catch. Make sure to take a picture of each one with a sign that says: "I am a cyclone!"

Moneygram is good. I'll forward the necessary information as soon as we finalize the modalities of the tornados.

Circe

The tomatoes are on the way to you via monogram in all good conditions and you shall be pleased by the modality of my tostitos.

Xcaluber

Hmmm.... I will have to have a look at the quality myself. I am a respectful person and cannot just trust anybody because they send me tomatoes.

Circe

Why you think I would cheat you is beyond my believing. My tomatoes are of the sincerest quality. I do not think you are serious of my tomatoes and I shall look to someone else who can appreciate them.

Xcaluber

Well I can't really give a damn about your tomatoes; you were the one that wanted the GBP8.000.000. Not me. I have enough money to pay out that lottery many times!

So this is the end then and good riddance!

Circe

But I thought you loved me!

Xcaluber

Yes, yes I do. Please forgive me for being such a jerk!

But this is actually your fault! You only wanted to give me 300%

Circe

I will give you what ever you ask, if you just say that you love me again...I must hear the words. I am suicide if I should lose your love as well as the money. My tomatoes will not grow without you!

Xcaluber

Yes you have my proclaimed love!!!

Please when you finished with suicide, please send the tornados please ok?

Circe

I don't understand what is going on here...I receive today a letter from you asking for tornados as if we have never met before yet we have been loving for long time now. This makes me very sad. Perhaps you are not worthy of my tomatoes
Crying or Very sad

Xcaluber

No! Please I am worthy of your tornados! Please don't go!

Circe

I receive an offer from someone else who has generously offered me 10Gabillion Million Trillion for my Tostitos and all I have to do is pretend to be a dead guys next of kin. Do you think I should do it?

Xcaluber

No! He is cheating you! I will really give you extra $'s for the tostitos if they are in very fresh condition!

Is he Usman Bello? He is very criminal!

Circe

He says his name is Jello Bello and he never has dealings with Usman Bello because he is very evil man but assures me all I have to do is fly to Holland and meet his associate and I will get all the money for my Tostitos. I am very torn and sad as what to do.

Xcaluber

If you think that way is best, then you go that way. I will miss you but you want to go for other man then you go for other man!

I warn you!

Circe

No, No, NO you are misunderstanding me!! I don't want other man but how can I live without the money for my Tostitos? If you would send me a small WUXFER I could not starve until we have receive the lottery money you promise to help me get.

Xcaluber

Ok, ok! Where do I WUXfer you? How long and how many times?

Circe

If you address it to me c/o WU UPMYARSE, Nigeria and I will go there tomorrow to collect. Please make sure that it goes to a WU office in Argentina instead though or I won't get it.

Xcaluber

Would Puerto Coig do? Apparently it is nice and frosty this time of year.

Circe

No it must be Argentina as there is a temporal portal caused by switching the polarity of the Neutron Flow on alternate Tuesdays between there and Nigeria. Otherwise it will get lost in the mail.

Xcaluber

But Puerto Coig is in Argentina....

Are we talking about the same planet Bob?

Circe

No, Argentina is in Lagos...don't try to foll me I am not as think as you dumb I am. I am thinking you don't really want my Tomatoes and are amusing yourself with my shame

Xcaluber
Will you put up a sign in Argentina in Lagos so that the WUXfer knows where to go?

The sign must say: "My tostitos are big and red and I have a tornado!"

Circe

I will do all the things you ask of me but first to make the trust between us you must use the password for the WUXFER as ILIKUR TOMATO NME ERE or else I don't get it.

Xcaluber

Ok, the WUXFER is ready.

Q: Where do I like your tostitos?
A: ILIKUR TOMATO NME ERE

Now where is my sign?

Circe

Here is your sign! Now we are trusting so I ask for a favor so I know that you can give me the money as promised you must send me naked pictures of Sean Bean and I will no you real.

I still need to get the picture in here

Xcaluber

Serious tomatoes those. I will have to send the WUXfer otherwise they will suicide me!!!!

I have tried for Sean Bean photos, but could get any!!! Sorry. Would John Goodman do?

Circe

I am grieving that you don't take this seriously as no joke as you think. Perhaps our business is not good for you. I chop inside the money as it obvious you are taking the piss.

Xcaluber

Eh? How did I offend you by taking a piss?

If you keep on treating me in this way, I'll piss on this transaction!

Circe

You will piss on yourself and the money also because you are the greatest liar I have seen this year. If you do not produce naked pictures of Sean Bean to the address I have mailed you then I will tell my colleges who are looking at your back now to do what they are going to do. Then you will know the meaning of tomatoes.

Xcaluber

I will piss on Sean Bean! If you are more interested in him than in me then your tomatoes can get pissed.

Circe

I think you are not as honest as telling me. I have already spoken to Ms. Mariam Abacha and she has promised to get me the naked photos in exchange for my tostitos. I think our business is at an end and take hail storms from the law of your land because the gold farm is not a opportunity you will be knowing.

Xcaluber

Well if that is the way you feel, then good for you and Abacha! I'll take my transaction to Usman Bello!

Go catch your black goat before it is dark otherwise you will sleep cold tonight!

Circe

I am not hearing your lies anymore.