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 Uche's Comedy Thread

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duke_bruin
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 29 Mar 2008
Posts: 77
Location: At the center of it all


PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2008 7:19 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I have now received a total of three jokes from . They've gotten progressively funnier so I thought I'd start posting them here for your amusement.

Feel free to share them with your lads. Jokes are great rapport builders.

Quote:
One hausa man dey die one day, he call him son say take this keys na for five lorrey heads and also i leave for you 100 cattles. and he died.***** an igbo man was dying, he called his son and said take this keys na to my shops in idumota and iweka road, please take stock and let me know if my sales girl took anything before i die. he died.****** a benin man was dying, he called his son, son, silver and gold i have any but what i have i will give you. take this email box and password.. please check am if control don enter make i for fit remove am before i die.



Quote:
CONDOM said to PAD, you are so wicked that u starved me for a whole week, shot up Mr CONDOM, the other time u made mistake, u made me lost my job for a whole nine months.



Quote:
A Nursery 1 student in a danfo bus in Lagos, Nigeria from school was reciting the day's lesson at school, It went thus: If my father is a cock and my mother a hen, I will be a chick. If my father is a lion and my mother a lioness, I will be a cub. If my father is a king and my mother a queen, I will be a prince etc, etc. The bus driver was irritated by the boys 'noise'; he shouted at the boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued. Then the driver shouted; what if your father is an 'armed robber' and your mother an 'ashewo' (prostitute), what will you be? The boy replied; I will be a 'Danfo Driver'

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numbskull303
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 35


PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Wow, a lad actually trying to be funny. How odd.
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Nailgunner
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Joined: 01 May 2008
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PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2008 9:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The jokes seem oddly familiar, yet not so. hmm
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ChainYanker
Collecting TShirts the Hard Way


Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 1497
Location: Shouting "Fire!" in crowded theaters across America


PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2008 10:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

What was the punchline to the first one, again? Confused

These jokes are hilarious, but not for the reason your lad thinks. Wink

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419weasel
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 7:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

LOL!! Keep them coming

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rumbero
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 7:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

LOL I liked the bus driver joke

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SlapHappy
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 12:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I laughed out loud at the last one, too! Laughing

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Connie L. Gus
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 3:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Crying or Very sad I could only understand the last one too. The others went right over my head. Maybe if I had a few beers and was there at the comedy club in person I would have gotten them. Laughing

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vaultdweller
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:31 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

First Joke: F-- SEE ME AFTER CLASS
Second Joke: Meh
Third Joke: Mugutastic!

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chevyk10darlin
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

can't wait for more duke! Laughing
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duke_bruin
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Joined: 29 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 9:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This one is more lad spam than joke but I thought it funny all the same.


Quote:
WHY DO WE SLEEP IN CHURCH DURING SERMON? BUT YET WHEN THE SERMON IS OVER WE SUDDENLY WAKE UP?, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT GOD… BUT SO EASY TO TALK ABOUT SEX?, WHY ARE WE SO BORED TO LOOK AT CHRISTIAN MAGAZINE… BUT SO EASY TO READ A PLAYBOY MAGAZINE?, WHY IS IT SO EASY TO DELETE A GODLY OFFLINE MESSAGES… YET WE FORWARD THE NASTY ONES? WHY ARE CHURCHES GETTING SMALLER… BUT YET BARS AND CLUBS ARE GROWING??….. THINK ABOUT IT… ARE YOU GOING TO FORWARD THIS OR DELETE MESSAGE? JUST REMEMBER GOD IS WATCHING YOU IF U LOVE JESUS THEN SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON UR LIST, U WILL GET MUCH BLESSINGS ON UR DAILY ACTIVITIES. DON’T BREAK THE FLOW!!! JESUS LOVES YOU.

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United Kingdom Flag Pakistan Benin

Okay,what can i do so that all will be well.im ready to do all what you says. ~P4STOR~
guy you dey fuck up ok ~Faith [email protected]~
Please note the correct spelling of my name: ABANA and not BANANA. ~Mr. Manual Banana~
Point of correction, the correct spelling of my name is ABANA and not Banana ~Mr. Manual Banana, again!~
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Mugatu
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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 10:17 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

From my favourite lad joke resource, nairaland:

Joke 1:
JUDGE: Who do yuu want to be with, Your dad?
CHILD: No
JUDGE:So yuu want to be with your mom?
CHILD:No, she beats me more
JUDGE:So who do yuu want to be with?
CHILD:The super eagles of Nigeria, they never beat anyone.


Joke 2:
A little girl was playing with her playmate which was a boy in the little girl's compound and suddenly she saw some ripe mangoes on the mangoe tree in their compound, she told her mother that she wants to climb and plug the riped mangoes.

Her mother told her not to, that if she do, the little boy will look at her paint under her dress.

Some minutes later, the little girl came back calling to her mother with the ripe mangoes in her hands,

Lil girl: mummy mummy, I've plug the mangoes.

Then her mother replied vehemently,

Mother: didn't I tell you not to climb because that boy down there will look at your paint?

Lil girl: No mummy I pulled off my paint and keep it inside the house before i climb the mangoe.

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