Music 2 My Ears - Wickedest Evil Safari

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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:58 pm

No Twat in Africa!

Great job you guys!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:40 am

@chainyanker - - you are thinking what I was thinking on page 1. It's pronounced "Kiss" and means "Twat"

"Air" and "Tease" are also naughty - one is the male's part....

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:42 am

This was just shy of two months ago in the muslim city our lad is in, dressed as a missionary, and holding his less-than-tactful sign:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDlvTNaTZKQ

Seems like a real gem!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:33 am

Our representative "Hamdan" calls 4damu about an hour after he's supposed to meet. Hamdan speaks broken English and tries to explain that the car broke down and he is stuck in Abeche. I didn't know how an arabic man that speaks broken English is supposed to sound, so I present to you this garbled mess:

http://media.putfile.com/Ad4mu-Bang-Bang-On-The-Road

Laughing

Edit: Just realized I double posted. Sorry 'bout that, mods.

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:22 am

I the phonetic words 'air', 'kiss' and 'tease' are all naughty words, how about introducing a character 'er-kis tis' who our man has to find by asking around? If that has the same effect as asking for 'c**k-c**t a**e' in the UK, it'll raise eyebrows at least...

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:20 pm

OMG... this is so evil!

(I love it!) Very Happy

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:37 pm

Hahahahahah! Great call Prof!

His email to the Reverend here in the States:

Quote:

Dear Rev Benjamin;
This is acknowledge the receipt of your message, Hamdan just call me that he is on his way that by tomorrow 8am he will be here to carry me from n djamena chad to his place in abache;so i am waiting for him,
my problem right now is that i dont a single money with me i borrow money to send this email to you, moreover i am very hungry , but all the same i am waiting,
tell him to call me as soon as he come to n djamena;
i am in front of centre social san field;
thank ou and God bless you Amen;
Best Regards:
Adam

And, to the boy in Chad:

Quote:

DEAR HAMXXX.
I AM WAITING FOR YOU IN NDJAMENA /INFRONT OF CENTRE SOCIAL SAN FIELD/
PLEASE AS SOON AS YOU COME CALL ME SO THAT I KNOW YOU TO MEET ME/
PLEASE CALL ME ON THE SAME NUMBER:XXXXXI AM WAITING/
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN.
ADAM

So, I write this:

Quote:

Dover say he email yuo. you ned to come to abeche. my vehilce break. bust radiator from bang bang on teh road. yuoo get money to come here. private plane taek you back. yuo jus ned oen way tiket to see me in abeche. i haev your money and goosd here.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:02 pm

Nice work, guys. There was a shot of a 50 cal machine gun in the lobby of that hotel in the city he's now in. Hope he makes it to Abeche. bang bang! Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:48 pm

Wow. I can only hope a Chadian ex taxi cab driver back from NYC sees the TWAT reference....

He could, seriously, get killed.

Am I bad if I think that is pretty cool?

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:14 pm

If he makes it alive to Abeche, he will be at the end of his tether. I wonder if a refuge camp will take him in?

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:40 pm

We have not received an email from him since he was supposed to stand out in the city centre with that sign. Hmmmmmm. I wonder why? Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:42 pm

Maybe because he is buried up to his waist with his hands tied behind his back and folks are starting to take aim with their rocks. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:49 pm

I would give almost anything to know exactly what is happening right now. Somehow I have the feeling that people are gathering stones and yelling "Allah Akbar!". Twisted Evil

*** BANNED *** Joined: 10 Jan 2004 Posts: 3779

Ahh, Chad. A vanishing lake, sand, swamps, sand, minefields, sand, rocks, bad roads, mud, civil war, sand, nice mountains, sand, ham, eggs and spam. A truly wonderful place to travel on a mission from TWAT.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:46 am

Well, our lad was hoping to see the representative today by 8 AM (for some unknown reason Confused

) and it's now 8:45 AM in Chad and he still hasn't checked his e-mail in about 24 hours according to readnotify. Wonder what could have happened to him. I sure hope he's okay. I really wanted him to at least make it to Darfur before falling off of the map completely.

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 152

We could introduce a new symbol for the signature line for every lad that went MIA, like they do on airplanes or tanks:

or rather

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:12 am

Well, I guess he's not dead. This just came in:

TWAT wrote:

Please i am not okay here since four days now i am streted here in ndjamena;
The worst is that i dont have single money with me here;Please for God seck tell Hamxxx to come here and pick me or let him come along with those materials so that it will enable me to travel back why is because i dont have any travel documents with me i take a big risk to come because i dont want to disappoint you as i promise;
Please tell him to come here and meet me i dont know the place Abeche because i have not been in chad before this is my first time to come here;
Please my people are worried because i told them that i will come back today;
Since four days now i am here without money or food i am very very hungry please do something now please tell hamxxx to come today or lastest torrow please;
tell him to call me so that i know he is on his way please
Thank you for your cooperation and God bless you Amen;

Then this to the representative:

Quote:

YOU SEE I HAVE NO MONEY WITH ME HERE I AM STREDED SINCE 4DAYS NOW IN NDJAMIENA I AM VERY HUNGRY HERE NO FOOD NO WATER TO DRINK
PLEASE TRY AND COME BEFORE I WILL WEAK HERE.
I DONT HAVE ANY PAPER TO TRAVEL THERE BECAUSE THEY CHECK PAPER .I DONT WANT TO ENTER INTO TROBLEM HERE PLEASE COME WITH ALL THOSE THINGS WITH YOU HERE IN NDJAMENA SO THAT I WILL GO BACK QUICK.
YOU SEE I DONT KNOW ANY BODY HERE TO BORROW MONEY PLEASE COME QUICK I AM WAITING FOR YOU PLEASE MOREOVER I HAVE NOT EATING ANY FOOD.
PLEASE BECAUSE OF GOD COME AND HELP ME YOU ENTER MOTOR FROM THERE AND COME AND YOU CALL ME SO THAT I KNOW YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO NDJAMENA.
THANK YOU I AM WAITING FOR YOU TO COME TO NDJAMENA PLEASE.

Then this:

Quote:

PLEASE CALL ME SO THAT I KOW YOU ARE ON YOU WAY PLEASE.
NO MONEY TO COME TO ABECHE TRY YOUR BEST AND COME.
YOU CAN BRING THOSE MATERIAL AND MONEY WHEN COMING TO NDJAMENA PLEASE I AM WAITING FOR YOU TRY AND COME TODAY PLEASE
YOU CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU REACH PLEASE NO FOOD NO WATER SINCE 4DAYS NOW.

No water for four days but enough dough for internet cafe time? Someone's priorities are a bit skewed, I would say.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:42 am

Quote:

i am here without money or food i am very very hungry

Oh this is marvellous....!!!
What a great safari destination.... clapping

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:04 pm

BWHAHAHAHAH! I really want him to go to Abeche. That place is WONDERFUL! Somehow, I think he'll find a way.

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 152

Quote:

I DONT WANT TO ENTER INTO TROBLEM HERE

Too late, mate, too late... Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:15 pm

Compared to Abeche he's already in paradise and doesn't even know it.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:16 pm

One thing I forgot to mention is this... I told him he didn't need a change of clothes. That all he had to bring was his missionary stuff because we had tons of stuff waiting for him. So, he is probably there just in his one outfit. Laughing

http://www.weather.com/outlook/travel/businesstraveler/monthly/CDXX0003?from=36hr_topnav_business

It's only 103 today.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:47 pm

Quote:

NO WATER TO DRINK

I understand that in Africa you only buy bottled water from a store that has factory shipped crates. Unscrupulous street vendors will sell used individual bottles filled with swamp water - filtered through cloth to look clear.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:16 pm

We wrote this:

Quote:

Hi, I am an interpreter for HamXXX. My name is Eric and I work with the UN. I have been doing charity work here with HamXXX and the church. He wanted me to email you because he said that his poor English is causing some communication problems.

He has some money here for you he says, as well as quite a few gifts. Apparently, you two were supposed to meet in Ndjamena. Well, the radiator in his car is messed up. We traveled to Khach Khach. We were able to get a ride with a goat farmer. We need you to meet us here in Khach Khach. It is not that far. It is right off of the main road, near Am Djamena. Once you get here, we will move back to Abeche. From there, the church's private jet will fly you home, which he says is somewhere in Nigeria. It is not too hard to get here. We will be able to reach you on your cell phone.

HamXXX wants to make sure that you are okay. He wants to know that you are safe and that you are alright. Where have you been staying? Also, he needs to know how much luggage you have, for the trip back to Abeche once you reach Khach Khach. There will probably only be so much room on that trip.

Please get back immediately. Thank you.

Eric

We will get him to Abeche slowly if we have to. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:20 pm

Adam likes Eric...

Quote:

THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MESSAGE?THE CONTENTS IS WELL UNDERSTOOD.
I AM VERY GRATEFUL NOW TO HEAR FROM YOU BECAUSE I AM STREDED HERE SINCE FOUR DAYS NOW.
I COME WITH A BROTHER WHO HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPEAK THE LOCAL LANGUAGE AND I DONT KNOW NDJAMENA.
WHAT HAPPEN NOW IS THAT YOU HAVE TO TELL HAMXXX TO CALL ME SO THAT I CAN GIVE IT TO PEOPLE TO SPEAK WITH YOU BECAUSE I DONT KNOW KHACH KHACH. I WOULD HAVE ADVICE YOU TO COME AS YOU PEOPLE ARE NOW NEAR THE TOWN BUT ALL THE SAME I WILL ASK FOR A DIRECTION THERE/
PLEASE DONT FAIL TO CALL ME. FOR THE PLACE I STAY SINCE I COME HERE IS IN THE MOTOR PARK .THAT IS CENTRE SOCIAL SAN FIELD. NO FOOD FOR ME NO WATER TO DRINK BECAUSE OF LANGLUAGE PROBLEM NO ENGLISH ONLY ARABIC LANGUAGE AND HAUSA THAT IS WHY I COME WITH A BROTHER THAT CAN SPEAK HAUSA BUT NOT ARABIC. Twisted Evil

THE CELL PHONE IS A BUSINESS CENTER AT THE MOTOR PARK IT IS NOT MY CELL PHONE I JUST ASK THE OWNER TO ASSIST ME SO THAT IWE CAN TALK AND KNOW THAT I AM STILL AROUND. I DONT HAVE ANY LUGGAGE IT IS ONLY MY TRAVEL BAG AND MY BROTHER THAT ASSIST ME FROM NIGERIA TO CHAD HERE IN NDJAMENA.
I AM RELIFE FROM THE TENSION AND SHOCK WHICH I AND MY BROTHER HAVE SINCE WE COME HERE IN NDJAMENA.
I AM VERY GRATEFUL AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU PLEASE DONT FAIL TO CALL ME TODAYBECAUSE I AM WAITING FOR YOUR CALL .
BEST REGARDS
.ADAM

ERIC GOD WILL BLESS YOU AMEN.

BWHHAHAHAHAHAAHA! That's just great. For some reason, when he emails his Chad contact, he always does so in all caps. When he emails the Rev from the States, he doesn't do that.

I am so happy to hear that he got an idiot friend involved in this. Can you imagine how pissed you would be? Your friend promises you all of these riches if you just come to Chad with him for one day. Hahahahah!!! I am laughing so hard right now.

Well, it's good to see that he wants to go to Khach Khach. There is a problem that we are going to run into though. Once he leaves Ndjamena, cell coverage is spotty at best. Abeche is the place he needs to be. There is cell and internet service there.

EDIT: He emails the Rev in the States.

Quote:

Dear Rev ;
I want to inform you that HamXXX i just get some one that email me ; his name is Eric ; he work with the Un right now they are in Khach off ndjamena
but i dont know there because i am not from there but i will ask people here know it or not:
I come here with a brother who assist me and direct me the way from chad;
But since we arrival here we are streded staying in a motor park without food and water even since then we have not taking our bath: puke

Please my people at home are over worried because i promise to come back today:
I also want you to tell him if he can still come here to meet me because of no money for travel to there;
if we make it there i will tell you but please try to call me with the cell number on top it is a business center here in chad i am waiting:
Thank you and God bless you Amen:

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