The Lovely Miss Rita Williams-- Update 26 March

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Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:04 pm

It starts simply enough with a 419 to a mailbox I ONLY use for Junk Mail. The username is made up, I only use the account if I have to give someone an email address that I am sure will end up on a list. I have never posted with it, used it to represent myself, or used it publicly. It is no more than a dead drop.

FROM MISS RITA CANDY WILLIAMS

ADDRESS/ AVE 11 RUE 45

KOUMASSI, COTE DE IVOIRE

Good Day,sir/ma

With respect and humility, I decided to send this proposal to you,this however is not mandatory nor will. I in any manner compel you to honour against your will. Your profile pushed me to send you this mail, I am Rita Candy Williams ,22years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs.Williams My father was a highly reputable business man (a cocoa merchant and suppulier of agro allied material ) who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad in February 2003. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle
of his who travelled with him at that time.

But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 4 years old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before his death on February 12, 2003, he told me about a box he concealed the sum of eighten million, seven hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$18.700,000) deposited in one of the security company's in Benin Repblic,in Africa.which he disguised and declared the box to contain family valuables instead of money, by this way the company does not know the true content of the box.

I have in my possesion the deposit document which the company gave to my late father when he deposited the box with the security company. I really don't know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of
set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I am in a sincere desire of your assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly and willingly help me as your sister?

2. Can I completely trust you?

3.What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your country?

Please, Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Thank you so much,

My Sincere Regards,

MISS.Rita Candy Williams

------------------------

What the heck, I'm bored... And since I have no profile anwhere that corresponds to this screen name I follow her lead...

Dear Miss Williams,

Thank you for your letter. As a good Christian, I pray to the Lord that you
find the assistance you seek in your time of need. God teaches us that we are all brothers and sisters in HIS eyes, so of course you are my sister in the eyes of the Lord. And I have have my love and trust in Jesus Christ our savior you can depend on my bond. I would only require a mere 5% which I would tithe to my church as a blessing for our contact and as praise to my saviour.

Are you a Christian as well, sister? If so, praise the Lord... your search
has been answered.

My prayers are with you.

Your in Christ,

Albert P. Orcini

------------------------------------
I hear back from "her" that evening:

Cavalry greetings in the name of our lord Jesus christ.I bless the
name of the Lord for bringing a fellow sister like you to me. I am a
fellow christian.I was born 2nd Jan 1986.I attended primary school
between 1990 to 1996.Then I moved on to get a secondary education late
1996 to 2004.Thereafter I enrolled to get an HSC education in
Laboratary Science. At present I work in a local laboratory.

Like I told you before,my dad was poisoned .the autopsy report is
there.5% is ok with me for your take on this.I will need to check at
my father`s record for the contact information of the security company
with the consignment.Can you send me your phone number for me to save in my notebook.

Let me know if you got this message.I know that my lord is a God of
purpose and season. I cried and prayed endlessly for him to guide me
to a christian sister like me.Some have approached me to volunteer
assistance but for one reason or the other each time I pray about it,
the lord always reveal to me that they are not the right person.God is
God.God is ominiscience.He was , he is and he will always be.

Remained bless in Jesus name big aunty ,please permit me to be calling
you this. until I hear from you soonest , I remain,

Your beloved sister-in-christ,
Rita Williams.
----------------------

I haven't written in two days... they must feel that the hook isn't in deep enough... i get this... AND a picture. I admit it. It's hott. Then again, she thinks I'm a WOMAN!?!??!? Big aunty????????

Albert dear,

I have been waiting for your letter.Please try and mail me. I am
worried if you are ok.Please write asap.

You have my pic here.

Rita Williams.

-----------------------------------
My reply:

Dear Miss WIlliams,

Thank you for your concern dear sister. I have been rather busy preparing for Bible Study to be held at my home this Sunday after church. I have searcing for the proper verse to describe how I feel since you have entered into my life as a subject for my lesson and at last have finally found an appropriate one Acts 9:36 - Now there was at Joppa a disciple named Tabitha... She was full of good works and acts of charity..

My heart is full with praise for the Lord with your governanace and I am pleased to be the vessel you seek. I can tell by your picture that you are a kind, loving, compassionate God fearing person as am I. I can see your devotion to a higher calling. I must admit you are a very beautiful young woman, truly heaven sent by our King of Kings to lonely older man, who has been bereaved since the passing of my loving dear wife seven years ago. I is as if you have come to me as a miracle.

I will pray for you today and hope that your soul is safe from the poisons this earthly world tempts us with. I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours in Christ,
Albert
---------------------

And one from her.

Dear Albert,

Its good to hear from you.and knowing you are a good christian with good understanding of the words of God, I consider our meeting a divine plan.I am ready to accept you into my life.I will have no other person but you and I will be the best woman you want me to be.

Please I want you to write the Securities Home where my dad kept the lodgement by email to [email protected]
Please let me know once you contact them for the release of my late dad`s valuables . My father`s full name was Late Mr Lordrigo .H. Williams.Let them know you write for the release of his lodgement at their office.

May God bless you dear. I will be waiting for your letter .

Rita Williams.

----------

And so now the sting begins.. she writes back shortly to follow up.

Hi Albert,

Thanks for your care and concern. I owe so much to you.Each time I
remember you, I remember someone I can confide in.Someone I can lookup to.Someone I have made up my mind to give it all.And above all, a God-sent.

About the letter I want you to send to the Union Homes Securities.
Please file in a letter to their office requesting for the release of
the consignments of late Mr Lordrigo Williams in their trust.Please
let them know that you have the consent of his daugher to make this
request and moreso that you are my fiance`.You can ask them to get a
confirmation from me about this information.I have just checked at my
father`s record once more for the Union Homes contact email. It is
[email protected]

Please when you are in touch with them do let me know and I would
appreciate you copy me the letter you send to them.

Dear, I will be waiting to hear from you. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.

God bless you.

---------

So now I write to Union Home Securities

To Whom it May Concern:

I am Albert P. Orcini, a citizen of the United States of America living in Athol, Maryland, social security number 167-36-8361. I am send you this letter at the request, and with the consent of my fiancee, Miss Rita Williams to request the Union Homes Securities to release the consignments of late Mr Lordrigo Williams that you hold in trust. We plan to be married within the next several months and we would like to promptly settle all her family's outstanding affairs before she departs the Ivory Coast to join me in our new life in the United States. You can obtain confirmation from my fiancee at her email [email protected].

Please reply immediately.

SIncerely

Albert P. Orcini

..... and forward a copy of my letter to them to her:

My dear Rita,

Here is a copy of the letter I have sent to the Union Homes Securities as you requested.

I hope that do not find me too bold to intimate that we will be getting married soon, but perhaps one day you will find the feelings for me in your heart that I am feeling for you.

I believe that this little "white lie" may help to expedite the transfer of you late father's consignments and my Pastor Nick assures me benediction, in knowing that I am helping you to do the Lord's work.

It is a miracle that you found my profile on The Big Church website (bigchurch.com) for sexually active Christian singles, and I thank God everyday for bringing you to me.

Your Albert

-----------

Now I don't hear from her for two days, so I drop her a line.

Dear RIta,

I have not heard from you for several days.

Did you receive the copy of the letter I sent to the bank requesting your father's consignments?

Did you find my suggestion of tha one day we might be wed to forward.

If so I am sorry.

Your friend.

Her reply is immediate:

Hi Albert,

I had cold. that is why you haven`t heard from me for days.I am better today.I thank God I am feeling strong again.I received a copy of the letter you sent for the release of my father`s consignment.The security house wrote me to get confirmation.I have explained to them that you and I are planning to get married so they have my consent to release the consignment to you.They wanted to know more about our relationship but I had to make the know that this is my private life and wouldn`t want any interference.

Darling, how is your day? I hope you are in good health.Let me thank you for loving me.I must say you are the best.Sometimes I spend minutes glaring at your picture,the one you sent me.when I look at you, I see my love.I see the father of my kids.Albert,I promise you,I will never stop loving you.Our love is forever.Please do not share our love.I have grown to love you so much.

I want to hear from you each day.

With all my Love,
Rita.

-----------

More to come.

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:54 pm

When we last left "Rita" and "Al"... two days had gone by without word from her... then I get this note...

I had cold. that is why you haven`t heard from me for days.I am better today.I thank God I am feeling strong again.I received a copy of the letter you sent for the release of my father`s consignment.The security house wrote me to get confirmation.I have explained to them that you and I are planning to get married so they have my consent to release the consignment to you.They wanted to know more about our relationship but I had to make the know that this is my private life and wouldn`t want any interference.

Darling, how is your day? I hope you are in good health.Let me thank you for loving me.I must say you are the best.Sometimes I spend minutes glaring at your picture,the one you sent me.when I look at you, I see my love.I see the father of my kids.Albert,I promise you,I will never stop loving you.Our love is forever.Please do not share our love.I have grown to love you so much.

I want to hear from you each day.

With all my Love,
Rita.

Damn, soon I'm gonna be getting married!!!! How exciting!!!! Oh, and the part about "glaring at my picture, the one (I) sent her"... I have never sent her a photo. She has no clue what "Albert" looks like.

-------------------------------------

Several days later I hear back from the bank:

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

31ST JAN 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI

RE: PROCESSING-MR. LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS CONSIGNMENT

PLEASE WE WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CLEARED BY MISS RITA WILLIAMS,YOUR FIANCEE.A FILE (IN YOUR NAME) WOULD BE OPENED IN OUR OFFICE.THE FOLLOWING DETAILS ARE REQUIRED IN CREATING YOUR FILE:

YOUR FULL NAME:

ADDRESS(WITH CITY,STATE & ZIP CODE):

TELEPHONE NO:

MOBILE NO:

A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT ID OR DRIVING LICENSE

YOU ARE ADVISED TO CONTACT YOUR FIANCEE FOR COPIES THE ABOVE DOCUMENTS.

WE WAIT FOR YOUR TIMELY RESPONSE IN THIS REGARD.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

YOUR FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

==============================================
OFFICE BRANCHES:
IVORY COAST
608, rue de Pierre et Marie Curie
01 BP 1045,Abidjan 01 ,Ivory Coast
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GHANA
133 Independence Avenue,
Accra-Ghana 23372
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NIGERIA
111 New Liberty Street,Satelite Town
P.M.B 1755 ,Satelite Town.
Lagos state-Nigeria

----------------------

I make up the most ridiculous response I can... I love the stuff about non-scannable passports...

Dear Mr. Jones,

As you most certainly know the new US passports have been made to be unscannable as to avoid photocopying for potential use by potential terrorists. As such, even though I know that you are totally reputable and I would very much like to oblige you, I can not provide you with that request, due to new US government technological advances in the war against our enemies. However, in the interest of expediting this process, and to proceed with my nuptuals to Miss Rita WIlliams, I am happy to provide you with my US social security number which is 167-36-8361 and my passport number which is 219041834.

I do not have a valid driver's license anymore because mine was suspended for DUI (driving under the influence) although I only had five beer the state patrolman said that my blood alcohol level was 1.45% which I guess was pretty high but he was just looking to make trouble for me because I am a holy man who was blasphemed by an officer of the law. However, Miss Rita Williams, by bethrothed and beloved will be able to drive me around until I get my license back in two years. We will happily send you a photocopy of her driver's license once we are firlmly established in America.

Hopefully that is not and inconvenience and you can release all of some of the consignment now because I have lawyers costs resulting from my conviction, and also have to pay a downpayment to the wedding hall and the florist and the caterers for Miss Rita WIlliams and my wedding.

I would like to extend an invitation to you and we hope that you will be able to join us when we take our vows in March.

Thank you,

Albert P. Orcini

I forward this attachment to "Rita" with the accompanying note:

My dear dear Rita,

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. I wish that I was there to take care and comfort you in your illness.

I have been so lonely for so long since my dear Estelle passed away, and though I have met other worthy women on The Big Church.com Christian sex site, I have not felt compelled to spill my seed with any of them, which compounds my lonliness. This big house is so empty without the sounds of another's laughter and I long for the pattter of little feet running and playing in the gardens and splashing in the swimming pool. I am so glad that you find me attractive. I have often been the object of cruel jokes due to my early childhood eczema and the residual scarring, but I am glad that you can see me and love me for who I really am. I would love to have more pictures of you so I can fantasize about our life together in the busom of our Lord Jesus Christ, our savior, and hope you will share your fantasies with me.

I will pray for you at mass today as I have everyday since we first started to write.

Yours forever,

Albert

------------------

She is so appreciative she responds immediately! And send two more pictures. Each a bit more risque that the first prim and proper JPEG I received in the beginning. Guess they want to assure the fish stays on the hook.

Hi Darling,

A million thanks for your touching message.You have been a wonderful revelation in my life.I sat down today thinking about you by the sea-side.I was shedding tears because I never knew I could love so much again.I never knew good men like you still exist.There and then at the sea,I made up my mind to be all yours.How our heart beats same.God is gracious.Do you know I pray for you each day last thing before I go to bed and also every other day in my morning prayers.

I am sending extra two pictures.Please can you let me know if you have heard from the Union home security?

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.
-----------------------------------

Later that day, there's news from the bank:

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

FEB 1ST , 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI
FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163

RE: PROCESSING IN PROGRESS-[LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS]

DEAR MR ALBERT ORCINI,

ALL YOUR SUBMITTED DATA INCLUDING YOUR S.S.N WERE RECEIVED.WE FURTHER INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR S.S.N AND HAVE CONFIRMED IT VALID.YOUR TRANSACTION FILE WAS CREATED TODAY FEB 01,2008.

FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163
NAME:ALBERT PATRICIO ORCINI
S.S.N:167-36-8361
ADDRESS:10 WEST STREET
CITY:ATHOL
STATE/ZIP :MASSACHUSETTS 01366,USA
TELEPHONE NO:5088696877

YOU MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN BY OMISSION TO SEND US COPIES OF LORDRIGO WILLIAM`S DEATH CERTIFICATE AND CONSIGNMENT DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE PRE-REQUISITE TO THE TERMS OF RELEASE OF CONSIGNMENT.

PLEASE SEND THE ABOVE DOCUMENTS TO OUR OFFICE WITHIN THE NEXT 24-HOURS.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

=================
IVORY COAST
608, rue de Pierre et Marie Curie
01 BP 1045,Abidjan 01 ,Ivory Coast
-------------------------------
133 Independence Avenue,
Accra-Ghana 23372
---------------------------
111 New Liberty Street,Satelite Town
P.M.B 1755 ,Satelite Town.
Lagos state-Nigeria

-------------------------

Not a heck of a lot I can do about obtaining that info, time for the wife-to be to start holding up her end...

My beloved Rita,

I have had several interactions with your late father's bank over the past several days, providing them the kinds of information they need to release his consignment. I am pleased to say that they have established a transaction file and account based on the information that have requested.

However, they are now asking for copies of your father's death certificate and consignment deposit certificate, two pieces of material only you can provide them.

We are very close my darling to starting our life together. All you need to do is provide the above materials and we can be together soon. Perhaps I can arrange a trip to the Ivory COast to be with you. Let me know and I will begin preparing travel arrangements. Perhaps we can go to Europe if it is close enough. I have always wanted to travel, perhaps go to France. I can just picutre you at the postcards I have seen of the Eiffel Tower. How happy we will be together!!!!!!!!

One the bank has the material above we should be good to go.

Yours, Albert

--------------------------------------

In no time, she cc's me on her note to the bank:

Dear Management,
Union Home Securities.

Based on information from my fiance,I am sending the requested
documents.Please let me know as soon as you receive them.

A million thanks.

Rita.

My favorite part here, is on her "father's death certificate" there is a red stamp emblazoned across it that reads: Real True Copy

----------------

The bank jumps into action... and now the REAL scam begins...

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

FEB 2ND , 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI
FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163

RE: PROCESSING IN PROGRESS-[LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS]

DEAR MR ALBERT ORCINI,

WE ACKNOWLEDGE CONFIRMATION OF FORWARDED COPIES OF LORDRIGO WILLIAMS` DEATH CERTIFICATE AND DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE FROM HER DAUGHTHER ,YOUR FIANCEE.

LODGEMENT OF LORDRIGO`S CONSIGNMENT WAS MOVED TO OUR BRANCH OFFICE IN NIGERIA EXACTLY ONE WEEK AFTER THE REPORTED DEATH OF HIS FATHER ON 14TH FEB 2005.THIS MOVE WAS FOR SECURITY REASON BOTHERING ON THE ALLEGED COMPLICITY OF MISS RITA WILLIAMS` UNCLE IN THE MAN`S DEATH.THE MOVEMENT TO OUR BRANCH OFFICE IN NIGERIA, A NEIGHBOURING COUNTRY WAS PURELY FOR SECURITY REASONS AND THE NEED TO PROTECT RITA FROM HER UNCLE.

HAVING MET THE PRE-REQUISITE FOR THE RELEASE OF LORDRIGO`S CONSIGNMENT,YOU ARE ADVISED TO CONTACT THE LAWYER WHOSE INFORMATION IS PROVIDED BELOW FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF SOME PAPERS THAT WOULD BE REQUIRED FOR THE DELIVERY:

LAWYER`S CONTACT:
BARRISTER OSITA OKORO
EMAIL: [email protected]
TEL:(+234)-807-306-6433

YOU SHOULD CONTACT HIM FOR HIS LEGAL SERVICES AND FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THE UNDERLISTED PAPERS FROM THE COURT AND THE FEDERAL GOVT AGENCIES:

1. AN AFFIDAVIT
2.INSURANCE COVER PAPERS (FOR THE CONSIGNMENT)
3.VAT APPROVAL PAPERS ( FROM THE TAX AND REVENUE OFFICE)
4.POWER OF ATTORNEY.

WHEN YOU CORRESPOND WITH THE LAWYER, KINDLY INFORM US SO THAT OUR OFFICE COULD PROVIDE YOUR FILE FOLDER RECORD TO HIM.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

=============
OFFICE BRANCHES:
IVORY COAST
608, rue de Pierre et Marie Curie
01 BP 1045,Abidjan 01 ,Ivory Coast
-----------------------------
133 Independence Avenue,
Accra-Ghana 23372
-----------------------
111 New Liberty Street,Satelite Town
P.M.B 1755 ,Satelite Town.
Lagos state-Nigeria

--------------------------

I dash off a quick note to the lawyer:

Dear BARRISTER OSITA OKORO

I am Albert P. Orcini, a citizen of the United States of America. I am sending you this letter at the request of the Union Homes Securities, and with the consent of my fiancee, Miss Rita Williams, in order to request the release of the consignments of late Mr Lordrigo Williams that Union Homes Securities holds in trust. Miss Rita Williams and I plan to be married within the next several months and we would like to promptly settle all her family's outstanding affairs before she departs the Ivory Coast to join me in our new life in the United States. Can you please help us with the matter stated below in a letter to me from Union Homes Securities. They have outlined what we need in order to proceed.

My fiance is reachable at [email protected] and she can also help you get records you may need to help us to expedite our future together.

Thank you.

Albert P. Orcini

---------------

Meanwhile, back at the romance... there's news from my betrothed...

Hi Darling,

you are a special man.the way you speak,the way you make
me feel,Oh my God,I thank God we found each other.Darling, I have sent
the documents to the Security company.How are you planning out this
weekend? Hope I was there to cook your food.Please it`s a matter of
time.Darling,I cherish you so much.Don`t share our love.Please send me
another picture of yours for my screens.

When It`s cold,your thoughts keep me warm.When it`s lonely I only need
to call out your name and I feel some special presence around
me.Darling,the lord is so good.You are a loving man,very caring,very
special.

My prayers are with you. Please write me as soon as possible. I don`t
feel good unless I hear from you each passing day.

I LOVE YOU.

Rita.

-------------

Oh, the passion, the heat, the waves beating on the stormy shore. I go to google, type in "naked old men", and attach a few shots of "Albert at his best"...

My beloved love,

The pictures you shared with meet yesterday made me tumescent with anticpation... the thought of comforting myself with the flesh of a woman as beautiful as you makes me praise the Lord in the loudest voice I can raise. What would ever cause as beautiful a young woman as yourself to have to join a single christian's sex website like thebigchurch.com is beyond me. There must be hundreds of young acolytes who would be blessed to be with a woman like you. The fact that you chose me must be ordained in the eyes of the Lord that we are meant in his wisdom to be together for eternity and I will share myself with you souly as I hope you will with me. I have attached several other photos for you and I hope you will exchange yours with me. I hope you like what you see and know it is for you and you alone.

I must admit to be slightly surprised that you do not wear a cross at all times but I will sned you the one my exwife Estelle used to wear as a present. You must send me your address and I hope you are wearing it when we meet.

You are perfection. I am the luckiest man alive.

Love Albert

---------------

At this point we move from 419 to p-o-r-n as "Rita" sends "Albert" some of the steamiest nudes this side of Hustler Magazine... Yikes!!!!!!

Hi Sweetheart,

It`s good to hear your voice always.thanks for all the encomiums
showered on me.You make me feel like there is nothing I could do.You
me feel so high.This is where I want to be, in your arms,in your
bossom.You are a perfect home.I falled in love with you the very first
time.Your honesty could easily be noticed. I consider myself so lucky
to be loved by a man who knows what it takes to me a young lady feel
like a woman.Darling, you are great.

Thanks for the pictures,they make me hungry for you all the more.I
will soon have you all to me,my all to you,we in our world.The lord is
ours.God is God.

Please with deepest appreciation, I send you more of my pics.They are
just for your private consumption,please darling.

The barrister wrote me to bring hard-copies of some of dad`s documents
which he will need for the documentations. I shall fly down to Nigeria
by Monday since he will also need my signature.

I love you so much honey. You have my address here in Ivory coast .AVE
11 RUE 45 KOUMASSI, COTE DE IVOIRE

Darling, my prayers are with you always. May God guide and protect
what we share together,our love,our future. I LOVE YOU EVERMORE.

Rita.

---------

I am falling for this woman... (you would too if you saw her breasts...).. am I falling prey to my own game????... I must know everything there is to know about her:

Oh my darling beloved sister in Christ,

Your pictures are among the most provacative things I have ever seen... I praise the Lord for your perfection in body and spirit, although I believe that I must go to confession to confess the impure thoughts I am having by the thoughts of your beauty both inside and out.

In order to get to know each other better my love, and as a way of stay closer each I will ask you twenty questions to get to know you better and then you can ask me twenty which I will answer in return. This way we can think of each other all the time. You are in my heart every moment of the day.

1. What is the happiest moment of your entire life?

2. What do you do all day?

3. What kind of car do you drive?

4. What is your favorite clothing item?

5. Favorite holiday?

6. Favorite color?

7. Most annoying thing someone can do on a first date?

8. Favorite food (s)?

9. What kind of music makes you want to dance?

10. Do you sleep in pajamas or naked?

11. Finish this sentence: "The scariest thing about
being in love is.........."

12. Have you ever met a Mexican?

13. Do you think that plants have feelings?

14. What is the latest you have slept in the last month?

15. What is the latest you have stayed out in the last month?

16. Is Sarkozy, the Jewish President of France condemned to spend all eternity burning in hell?

17. If Jesus rose from the dead would you be willing to do a threesome with him?

18. Do you think size matters?

19. If you could do one thing in your life over again, what decision or action would you change?

20. How many people have you slept with that you met on bigchurch.com?

Please be honest my darling, as I will be with you.

All my love in the eyes of the Lord.

Albert

---------------------------

But business comes first... there's the lawyer to deal with, and lawyers always mean MONEY:

DEAR MR ALBERT,

THANK YOU FOR SOLICITING MY LEGAL SERVICES IN YOUR QUEST FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR FIANCEE`S LATE FATHER`S CONSIGNMENT AT THE UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED.

PURSUANT TO THE TRANSACTION, I HAVE SENT OUT A LETTER OF INTENT TO THE UNION HOMES SECURITIES OFFICE. THEY WOULD RECEIVE MY MAIL IN THEIR EMAIL BOX BY TOMMORROW MORNING.

MY RETAINER FOR SUCH SERVICES AS YOU HAVE REQUESTED IS $1400 DOLLARS FLAT.BY TOMMORROW, I SHALL FIND OUT FROM THE RECORDS AT MY CHAMBERS, THE COST FOR THE DOCUMENTATION AND AUTHENTICATION OF THE REQUESTED FOUR PAPERWORK.

YOU WILL MAKE FINANCIAL PROVISION FOR ME TO PROCEED BY TUESDAY, FEB 5TH. 2008.I SHALL INSTRUCT YOU FROM MY CHAMBERS ONCE I RESUME OFFICE TOMMORROW MORNING.

I HAVE REQUESTED OF YOUR FIANCEE TO MAKE APPEARANCE AT MY CHAMBERS TOMMORROW MONDAY FEB 4TH 2008. AS SHE WOULD NEED TO SIGN SOME OF THE FORMS.

ATTACHED FILE IS MY I.D.

WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW .

HAVE A WONDERFUL NIGHT REST.

BARRISTER OSITA OKORO ( ESQ., SAN).
HEAD OF CHAMBERS.
OSITA & CO ASSOCIATES.

----------------------

And MORE MONEY....

DEAR MR ALBERT,

YOUR FIANCEE WAS AT MY CHAMBERS OFFICE TODAY WITH HER DADDY`S OLD RECORDS WHICH IS BEING NEEDED IN LIEU OF THE DOCUMENTATION OF THE CONSIGNMENT RELEASE.

I HAVE BEEN BUSY ALL DAY AT THE COURT AS I WAS HELPING A CLIENT TO EFFECT SOME DOCUMENTATIONS FOR HIS LANDED PROPERTIES.

IN RESPECT OF THE PROCUREMENT OF THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTATIONS FOR THE PROCESSING AND RELEASE OF THE CONSIGNMENT OF YOUR FIANCEE`S LATE FATHER,BELOW IS THE REVIEW OF THE COURT FEES FOR THE REQUESTED LEGAL PAPERS:

1. AN AFFIDAVIT = $50.00
2.INSURANCE COVER PAPERS = $1620.00
3.VAT APPROVAL PAPERS = $1090.00
4.POWER OF ATTORNEY. = $50.00

TOTAL: $2810.00

PLEASE MAKE PROVISION FOR THE ABOVE LOGISTICS COST( $2810.00 ) FOR THE PROCUREMENT BEFORE WEDNESDAY SO THAT I CAN APPLY AND OBTAIN ALL THE DOCUMENTS BY THURSDAY AND FILE THEM TO THE UNION HOMES SECURITIES OFFICE BEFORE THEIR CLOSING HOUR SAME THURSDAY.

KINDLY FOLLOW THE INFORMATIONAL GUIDE BELOW IN PROVIDING THE $2810.00 TO MY CHAMBERS THROUGH THE CLERK OF THIS OFFICE MR ALEX UGO WITH THE PAYMENT DETAILS BELOW:

PAYMENT AT A WESTERN UNION TO MY CHAMBERS:

NAME OF RECEIVING CHAMBERS CLERK : MR ALEX UGO.
CHAMBERS ADDRESS: 6021 RYCROX AVENUE, IKEJA.LAGOS STATE 23401, NIGERIA
LOCATION: LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA 23401
AMOUNT: $2810.00
TEST QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME?
ANSWER: ALBERT
MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER:.............................. FILL UP ACCURATELY.

1*** ENSURE THE ACCURACY OF THE CONTROL NUMBER AND THE LOCATION AS PROVIDED ABOVE ***

ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL, WITH YOUR CO-OPERATION , I SHALL BE THROUGH WITH MY LEGAL SERVICES BY FRIDAY THIS WEEK. MAKE PROVISION OF THE COST OF THE DOCUMENTATIONS. YOU CAN PAY FOR MY LEGAL CHARGE AFTER MY SERVICES.

AS MY CLIENT, YOU CAN YOU REACH ME AT ANY TIME OF THE DAY; I WILL RESPOND TO YOU , UNLESS I AM IN COURT. IN CASE YOU NEED TO CALL , DIAL 00234-807-306-6433.

YOUR IMMEDIATE CO-OPERATION IS HIGHLY ADVISABLE.

THANK YOU.

YOURS TRULY,

BARRISTER OSITA OKORO
{HEAD OF CHAMBERS}
OSITA & CO. ASSOCIATES.
6021 RYCROX AVENUE, IKEJA.
LAGOS STATE.NIGERIA 23401
PHONE: 00234-807-306-6433

-------------------------

Good thing I have a new imaginary friend... a made-up lawyer of my own...

Dear Barrister Okoro

Oh happy days, happy days, happy days...

Praise the Lord for bringing my beloved fiancee the most beautiful Miss Rita WIlliams her proper rewards.

And thank you good sir, for being HIS vehicle isn driving the gravy train of justice down the holy road of righteousness.

I have had my attorney, Mr Coco M Karlen Esq review the terms of your proposal and he believes that your fees are well within the range of your services provided. However, rather than send your payment via Western Union which has been known to be a purveyor of ill-begotten gains to terrorists and other enemies of the United States of America, he has instructed me to recompense you in cash, that way you will have good old safe, secure, American greenbacks and I will have done my part for our boys fighting in Iraq. In calculating your fees in NGN's to the USD, and based on today's currency values, $2,810 NGN are equivalent to $23.9149 American dollars so I have rounded in up to $25 to show you my deep appreciation and also because I do not have any singles I can spare. I am careful to keep my dollar bills for Starbucks coffee in the morning because they often run out of change and I always like to tip the coffee baristas....

Wow I just realized the they're called baristas because they make good coffee and you're a barristerosita because you make laws... I wonder if there are stringent laws about how to make a good cup of coffee in Nigeria. I can't wait to visit with my wife to be Miss Rita Williams, but I hope the coffe is very strong like Starbucks otherwise I have trouble moving my bowels in the morning.

I have sent your cash money to your office as listed below to the attention of Mr. Alex Yugo... that is a ver strange name for a Nigerian. I know a family called Yugo from Yugoslavia and I wonder if they are related. That would be a real kick in the pants.

Okay now, you should have my money in a few days and then I hope you can get us our consignement as soon as possible. It takes time planning a wedding and I want to get Rita a real pretty dress like the white virginal one she sent me in her pictures that only reveal a little bit of skin. I already have made a downpayment at the Veterans of Foreign Wars banquet Hall for our reception and have ordered flowers and prime cut lamb chops from lamb not the veal crap they try to pass off as hearty fare sometimes. I hope you can join us on our happy day.

Thanks again for your help. Let me know when the money arrives.

SIncerely,

Albert

---------

there are two emails from the "Lawyer" in my in box... more later...

The "Lawyer" is pissed off:

DEAR MR ALBERT,

GOOD AFTERNOON,SIR.

LET ME INFORM YOU THAT I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON. I DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE WESTERN UNION BEING``.... A PURVERYOR OF ILL-GOTTEN WEALTH TO TERRORISTS``.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THE WESTERN UNION IS ONE OF THE FASTEST AND MOST RELIABLE MEANS OF MONEY TRANSFER OF ANY AMOUNT LESS THAN USD$10,000.00.

IF YOU CANNOT RELY ON MY PROFESSIONAL ADVISE, THEN IT IS AS GOOD AS NOT WORTH MY SERVICES OR EFFORT.

I HAVE A DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY TO ABIDE BY THE ETHICS OF OUR LEGAL PRACTITION. MY FELLOW LEARNED GENTLEMAN IN THE PERSON OF YOUR LAWYER SHOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

A GOOD LAWYER IS EXPECTED TO SCHEDULE THE CASE FILES OF HIS CLIENTS AS AND WHEN DUE WITH REFERENCE TO THE TENETS OF THE TERMS OF EACH INDIVIDUAL CASE. WHEN YOU REQUESTED FOR MY LEGAL SERVICES, ORDINARILY I SHOULD HAVE ASKED YOU FOR MY CONSULTATION FEES BUT I SHOVED IT ASIDE. IT IS NOT GOOD TO GO BEYONG YOUR BOUNDARY SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN SO MUCH PRIVILEGE.

I AM SENDING THIS LETTER TO YOUR FIANCEE AS WELL. I HAVE HAD A CASE OF LOSS OF FUNDS IN THE PAST WITH A CLIENT DURING TRANSIT SIMPLY BECAUSE HE INSISTED ON CASH DELIVERY AND I KNOW WHAT IT COST ME TO RESOLVE THE MATTER. IF YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE CASH DELIVERY, THEN IT IS AT YOUR OWN RISK.

MY LIABILITY ENDS AT THE OPTION OF THE WESTERN UNION MODE OF PAYMENT.MOREOVER,IF AFTER TOMMORROW I DO NOT RECEIVE THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION FOR THE USD$2810.00 ,THEN I WOULD NO LONGER BE IN DEBT OF ANY LEGAL SERVICES TO YOU.

USE THE FOLLOWING INFO TO MAKE YOUR WESTERN UNION PAYMENT OF THE $2810.00 FOR THE DOCUMENTATIONS.INFO AS GIVEN HEREIN:

NAME OF RECEIVING CHAMBERS CLERK : MR ALEX UGO.
LOCATION: LAGOS STATE , NIGERIA 23401
AMOUNT: $2810.00
TEST QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME?
ANSWER: ALBERT
MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER:.............................. FILL UP ACCURATELY.

1*** ENSURE THE ACCURACY OF THE CONTROL NUMBER AND THE LOCATION AS PROVIDED ABOVE ***

2*** THE NAME OF MY CLERK IS ``ALEX UGO `` NOT ALEX YUGO, AS YOU ERRONEOUSLY POINTED OUT.

YOU SHOULD EXPEDITE YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS THE RESOLUTION OF THIS MATTER.

IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOUR PERSON EITHER IN UTTERANCE OR WHATEVER MANNER , PLEASE DO NOT PASS AN OUTRIGHT PREJUDICE ON ME. I AM ALSO HUMAN WITH EMOTIONS.

YOURS VERY TRULY,
BARRISTER OSITA OKORO.

Anybody know how many numbers/letters I need to make up a fake Western Union tracking number? And how to play it from here? Thanks.

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:24 pm

I'm getting a little bored with the lawyer... And having spent a bit more time wandering around this site, and realizing the countless possibilities (Magnum P.I.; Eli Manning!!!!!: o captain, my captain... all sheer genius!)... It's time to wrap myself in the American flag! John Wayne, damn the torpedos, and full speed ahead.

Sir,

I am sorry if I have offended you in my latst response. That is the last thing I would seek to do. However, if you follow the Financial News closely, you will certainly know that the Al Jazerah Bank and the ROyal Saudi Bank tendered an offer to buy Western Union in December 2007. The United States Congress is meeting to discuss that sale and the commitment implications that holds for the America and our global economy. Reports in the Economist, The London Financial TImes and Mad Magazine all state that the Royal Family has guanranteed 10% of all transactions on the the Saudi-run Western Union will go to fund pro-Arabic causes in both the west and in the Middle East. For that reason I cannot do business with Western Union, as I am sure you can understand. As a veteran of both Vietnam and the first Gulf War I believe in America first and to suggest otherwise smacks of high treason.

I have sent you AMerican cash dollars, the finest currency in the world to help settle the outstanding payments to obtain the consignment for my lovely fiancee, Miss RIta WIlliams, if this is not good enough for you, I will need to obtain the services of another attorney who does not have his own motives preceeding to those of my wife to be.

Please refer some one who can be objective to me or to my lawyer [email protected].

It makes sick to think of doing business with a person who would seek to do harm to the United States of America, the greatest country on God's earth. I will have my attorney contact the embassy where we have many contacts and will be able to expedite this matter on our own if you are not willing to be primarily interested in the good of your client as opposed to lining your own pocket, or funding terror.

God Bless America,

Albert P. Orcini

-----------------------

Meanwhile, I haven't heard back from "my fiancee Rita Williams" ever since "she" went to the "lawyer", so it's time to keep the scammers busy writing in her personna as well.

Oh my darling,

I have been checking my email regularly to read your response to my questions. I am so deeply in love with you that I can not sleep. I feel like a tenage boy again. Love is a wonderful thing. Happiness is a warm gun, bang bang shoot shoot. I long to have you by my side, where I can hold you tight, let me be the only one. To read the Holy Bible together, to do God's work, to start our own family of good, god-fearing Christian children who will perpetuate the great working of our kind and loving savior as we wander the long and winding road.

i have communicated with Barrister Okoro and quite frankly am not comfortable with his intentions. I believe that he may be working to "scam" money from your father's consignement and that his best interests may not be his own. I have contacted my lawyer, who is a former United States State Department employee who will help conduct his own investiagation into both Okoro's credibility AND the poisoning of your father. I have great clout with the AMerican governement, if I dare not boast in the eyes of the GREAT HUMBLER, Jesus Christ our Lord and Father, but there are those in the Embassy who will be happy to help us out of our situation. Your consignment will be delivered to you no matter what pressures must be exerted. If my good friend George Bush can put a bounty on the head on Saddaam Hussein, no chiselling Ivory Coast lawyer is going to pull a fast one on us. All you need is love. Love is all you need, it says in Mark 1:45.234.

All that matters is that we are together. Please write soon as my heart is wasting away without your words, my beloved, and please send me some more "private" pictures. It makes me feel so special to know you turst me so. Also let me know when you receive the "special" present I sent to your home address. It is my Uncle Maxwell's silver hammer. I cannot wait for your reaction.

Love for now and for forever,

Albert

Time to stir things up... The "Barrister" has displeased me... What to do?... Back to the source... The "Bank" is where the real fun is to be had. And to play one side against the other.

Hello Dr. Jones,

This barrister of yours, OSITA OKORO, is he trustworthy? I don't want to get caught up on the wrong side of the law. I know this consignement belongs to my fiancee Miss RIta Williams, but he seems to be an unreasonable man. In fact, he has been quite rude to me. My soon to be wife could really use the money to start our new life in America, but I would rather use a lawyer I trust more. You could contact my personal attorney [email protected] or recommend someone you trust better. I do not believe that Mr. Okoro is a friend of the American people and he has an assistant who is Yugoslvian which is no better than a communist is my book. In addition he wants me to wire him money to the Western Union which is a known Saudi/Al Qeda front with much of the interest being sent to refugee camps in Afganistan. I would much prefer to deal with a legitimate bank like yourselves, but I fear Mr Okoro may be what the characters of the TV shows C*0*P*S call "bunko artists." This makes me a little reticent.

I only have a little money left from my U.S. military hazardous duty accident payout but I am well willing to help defray any costs, in fact I transferred the money into my personal bank account today. I'm on a disability pension as well from the American marine corps. I was in a
fire fight in the first Gulf War a few years ago where I was inadvertantly hit by a scud missle. It wasn't our fault that we were there; blame that bastard Saddaam Hussein, may he burn in hell. It's difficult for me to talk about, but several of my M*A*S*H buddies died on that day including Hawkeye, Trapper John and Radar O'Reilly and I was left with a match set of Gucci shoes and colostomy bag, plus partial paralysis down the left side of my body. I am still an important man, and have many contacts within the American governement who can help expedite the matter.

Please contact me before I do anything else.

SIncerely,

Albert

Now they are forced to go totally off script. DING-DUNG?!?!?!?

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

FEB 6TH , 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI
FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163

RE: PROCESSING IN PROGRESS-[LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS]

DEAR MR ALBERT ORCINI,

THANK YOU FOR AIRING YOUR OPINION ON THE DING-DUNG AFFAIR BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR LAWYER BARRISTER OSITA OKORO.WE HAVE BEEN VERY WORRIED TO HEAR FROM ONE OF YOU, EITHER YOUR FIANCEE MISS RITA WILLIAMS , THE LAWYER OR YOU.IT IS GOOD YOU FINALLY BROUGHT US INTO THE KNOW ABOUT THE BREWING PROBLEM.EVERY EFFORT WE MADE TO REACH YOUR FIANCEE HAS NOT YIELDED AND WE ARE JUST WORRIED TO HEAR FROM HER.PERHAPS YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

THE PROBLEM WITH BARRISTER OSITA OKORO IS THAT HE IS A VERY TEMPERAMENTAL PERSON,BUT IN ACTUAL SENSE HE CAN BE A GOOD LAWYER. THERE IS NO REPORT ABOUT HIS INVOLVEMENT IN ANY AL-QUEADA LINK.HE IS JUST ACTIVELY VOCAL AND VOCIFEROURS.SOMETIMES HIS BLUNTNESS DERIVES FROM HIS PERSONAL LIFESTYLE AS ONE OF THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IN THE COUNTRY, AND HIS LACK OF TRUST OF AMERICANS.

WE HAVE LOOKED INTO THE ALLEGATIONS YOU LEVELLED AGAINST BARRISTER OSITA.MATTER-0F-FACTLY,THE CLERK OF HIS CHAMBERS IS MR ALEX UGO. HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY YUGOSLAVIAN WORKING IN HIS OFFICE. ALEX UGO IS ONE OF THE NATIVES WORKING IN HIS OFFICE.UGO IS A NATIVE NAME FROM THE IGBO ETHNIC GROUP IN THE COUNTRY. THE IGBOS HAVE THEIR ORIGIN FROM HEBREWS WHO ARE CHRISTIANS BY RELIGION.

THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER (WUMT) IS ONE OF THE EASIEST WAYS MOST OF THE LAWYERS IN WEST AFRICA USE IN THEIR FINANCIAL DEALINGS WITH THEIR INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS. YOU SEE WEST AFRICANS ARE NOT KNOWN TO BE INTO MONEY LAUNDERING . IT IS THE ARABIANS FROM THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES LIKE IRAQ, IRAN, SAUDI-ARABIA, AND SOME PARTS OF THE ASIA THAT ARE MAINLY INTO ALQUAEDA CONNECTIONS.THE PEOPLE OF OUR COUNTRY ARE AMERICAN FRIENDS.WE HAVE CONDUCTED AN IN-DEPTH RESEARCH INTO YOUR LAWYER AND WE FIND OUT THAT BOTH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER ARE NIGERIANS BY BIRTH AND NATIONALITY.

NOW, WE DISCOVER THAT THE PROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND BARRISTER OSITA IS ONE OF MIS-UNDERSTANDING.WE HAVE CAUTIONED THE LAWYER TO BE MORE UNDERSTANDING AND NOT USE ABUSIVE WORDS FOR YOU IF HE HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN THAT. OK ! PLEASE CONTACT HIM AGAIN AND WE KNOW HE WILL APOLOGISE TO YOU.

PLEASE WE ALSO NEED YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FIANCEE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.WE NEED TO HEAR FROM HER.AND TRY TO GIVE BARRISTER OSITA ALL NECESSARY CO-OPERATION THAT WILL ENABLE HIS LEGAL SERVICES TO YOU. WE BELIEVE HE IS NOT WORKING AT CROSS-PURPOSES WITH YOU AND YOUR FIANCEE.LIKE WE SAID BEFORE, HE IS ONLY A TEMPERAMENTAL PERSON.HE HAS HELPED SEVERAL CUSTOMERS WE KNOW ON BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS OF YOUR NATURE.

LET BARRISTER OSITA PROVIDE THE UNDERLISTED AUTHORISATION PAPERS TO OUR OFFICE SOONEST:

1. AN AFFIDAVIT

2.INSURANCE COVER PAPERS (FOR THE CONSIGNMENT)

3.VAT APPROVAL PAPERS ( FROM THE TAX AND REVENUE OFFICE)

4.POWER OF ATTORNEY.

KEEP OUR OFFICE INFORMED.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

Meanwhile, deciding to keep the action going on two fronts, I send a followup to my "fiancee", along with attached US Passport Application form and a new request. (Thanks Peanut!!!)

My darling, sweet virginal Rita,

I have begun the process to bring you to the United States where we can become man and wife and be together for the rest of our lives. I am attaching a US passport application which you need to fill out thoroughly. My contacts at the State Department will expedite this matters as soon as they have your papers. They will also look in the matter of your father's consignment. I love you darling and cannot wait to have you in my one good arm, the one I didn't lose in the Gulf War.

One request from my Washington contact however, my beloved, is that you send me a picture of yourself holding a sign with your name on it and your government identification code for proper use by the authorities so they can begine to process your application.

The sign should have your name (RIta Williams) and your number # IMA- GR33D- Y8IT- CH

This is so the know that this is an authentic picture and form that they can attach for your passport.

Also, my attorney, the esteemed Coco M Karlen Esq, has suggested that in your photgraph that you also be holding tiny American flags in each of your hands. He says that that will make a good impression on the State Department officials and will prove your sincerity to be a good American citizen.

Love,

Albert

Seems Rita knows all about the doings with the shyster lawyer. I am smelling bait... I'm gonna get myself a picture AND a handwritten apology from the lawyer if it's the last thing I do.

Hi Darling,

How I miss you !!! I feel like crying sometimes if only to satisfy my hunger.

Albert,I have been away from home.I needed to pursue the transaction at the Union Homes Securities and I don`t want to disturb you about any finances.Just help take care of the barrister end.I learnt you have issues with him.Pls he can`t steal our money.It`s not possible. The Power of attorney he has is with a limit like the security company has told me.And you are taking delivery of our consignment, not him.I am now in Ghana to see a girlfriend for little help.she has asked me to wait until later this evening to receive some money from her mum.I will catch a late flight back to the Union Homes office in Nigeria later part of today.

I am very happy for our love and your good stand for me. I will take those shots you requested when I am back to Ivory coast.Darling, you have been a good brother,friend,sister ,daddy and fiance.God will bless you.I pray for you each day.You are always in my heart.I LOVE YOU.

RITA.

Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 7:02 pm

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat????

I have just started a bait with R23ita W123illiams and her l123awyer U123che William.

The English surname reservoir is running dry maybe. She swears only a coincidence on the last names.

But what is so disappointing is she has expressed strong feelings for me...........!!!!!

You don't think she is dishonest do you??

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:39 pm

Sir!!!!!! That is my future wife you are speaking of so disparagingly!!!!!! I propose pistols at fifty paces...

The next installment is on the way.

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:26 pm

Okay, sorry I�ve been a little slow keeping up my side of the correspondence, but this site is a freakin� addiction� I have to go cold turkey every few days at a time just to keep myself grounded.
Anyway, back to the budding romance of Albert and Rita�

Oh my sweet,

I am so pleased to hear from you and eagerly await your photos as requested by both my lawyer and the US State Department.

WHile you have been away I have been dealing with the bank in the matter of the lawyer. I do not trust him. I think that he may ties to Al Qeda and other Anti-American groups. I am planning on contacting a friend of mine in the Department of Homeland Security, Mr. Chuck Norris, of my worries and they will pursue an investigation. At the least, I will not except anything but a handwritten letter from the lawyer for his rudeness and appealing to the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness.

My love, you remain in my heart every moment and our love grows everyday, although I do not understand the reference in your last letter that I " have been a good sister".

I am still waiting for you to send me a detailed response to my 20 questions. I long to know so much more about you and check my email 5/6 times each day hoping to hear the little voice say "You've Got Mail." All my love in the eyes of the Lord.

Albert

In a message dated 2/9/08 4:25:37 AM, the lovely missritawilliams writes back:

Hi Darling,

I had a safe trip. I have asked the lawyer to apologise for his rudeness.My dear you mean alot to me.Wow, Just looking at your questions all 20 of them.

1. What is the happiest moment of your entire life?

1.The happiest moment of my life was I received salvation

2. What do you do all day?

2.I work and pray and daydream about our life together.

3. What kind of car do you drive?

3.honda bullet salon 1999 model,2.0 liter engine capacity

4. What is your favorite clothing item?

4.African Guinea brocade

5. Favorite holiday?

5.Summer Holidays when I can wear my favorite bikini

6. Favorite color?

6.yellow. the sun is yellow. eggs are yellow inside. yellow is God�s color.

7. Most annoying thing someone can do on a first date?

7.Ask for sex

8. Favorite food (s)?

8.rice and vegetable salad

9. What kind of music makes you want to dance?

9.R & B

10. Do you sleep in pajamas or naked?

10.Pajamas

11. Finish this sentence: "The scariest thing about
being in love is.........."

11...........you feel like a baby

12. Have you ever met a Mexican?

12. No

13. Do you think that plants have feelings?

13. Yes

14. What is the latest you have slept in the last month?

14.2.30am or thereabout

15. What is the latest you have stayed out in the last month?

15.10.00pm or thereabout

16. Is Sarkozy, the Jewish President of France condemned to spend all eternity burning in hell?

16.That is a comment for God to decide...my bible tells me Judge so that yee not be judged

17. If Jesus rose from the dead would you be willing to do a threesome with him?

17.yes

18. Do you think size matters?

18.No

19. If you could do one thing in your life over again, what decision or action would you change?

19.I would want to share more love with the orphanage

20. How many people have you slept with that you met on bigchurch.com

20.None. I am saving myself for you on our wedding night as I have all my life.

What a sweetheart. Nearly no vices at all� Though I think it�s kind of kinky that she�d be into doing a m�nage with Jesus� Maybe I�m wrong? Maybe I�ve been too harsh to judge? Maybe she�s pure as the driven snow? Nah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next day it�s back to business.

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

FEB 10TH , 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI
FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163

RE: PROCESSING IN PROGRESS-[LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS]

DEAR MR ALBERT ORCINI,

IT IS VERY APPARENT THAT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU AND BARRISTER OSITA OKORO HAS REACHED A CRESCENDO.BY HIS TRACK-RECORD,WE CAN SAY HE IS NOT INTO SHADY DEALS.BUT THEN,THIS IS AS FAR AS HIS TRACK-RECORD IS CONCERNED.THE TWO OF YOU COULD SETTLE AMICABLY BUT IF IT HAS BROKEN TO POINT OF NO RECONCILIATION, THEN YOU MAY TRY TO CONTACT THIS OTHER ATTORNEY:

MR JAMES BROWN

EMAIL : [email protected]

EXPLAIN TO HIM AND REQUEST HIS SERVICES FOR THE UNDERLISTED AUTHORISATION PAPERS TO OUR OFFICE :

1. AN AFFIDAVIT

2.INSURANCE COVER PAPERS (FOR THE CONSIGNMENT)

3.VAT APPROVAL PAPERS ( FROM THE TAX AND REVENUE OFFICE)

4.POWER OF ATTORNEY.

THANK YOU FOR THE CO-OPERATION IN THIS REGARD.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

James Brown!!!!!!!!! How excellent!!!!!! I thought he was dead... Guess that scammer�s got a brand new bag� Believe me, I�ll get to the godfather soon enough� But first, love beckons�

My darling Rita,

I have not heard from you in almost a week and I am worried that maybe you have found someone else. Maybe that deceitful lawyer has stolen you from me so he can get his hands on your consignment. I do not trust him. Oh, how I miss you so. Reading your answers makes me feel so much closer to you than I have to a woman since my dear deaprted Estelle. You would have liked her. She sang in the chruch choir and had a big laught that filled up the room. She made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies and always did little speaical things to surprise me and make me feel manly. I particularly missed her yesterday which in America is Valentine's Day a holiday that is celebrated by lovers, but now I have you my sweet, at least I hope I do.

I am still waiting for the filled out passport form I sent you plus the pictures requested by my attorney of yourself holding a sign with your name on it and your government identification code # IMA- GR33D- Y8IT- CH for proper use by the authorities so they can begin to process your application.

Hurry darling. How I long for us to be together.

Please tell me what kind of work that you do. Although I am quite wealthy and you would never have to take employment if you didn't wish to, you may grow bored on the large estate here all day with the servants and tennis pro and may wish a part-time job to keep you busy and to make new friends that I can help set up for you.

I too love the color yellow. I have a yellow Bentley automobile. I and can only imagine our eating corn together and having squash soup. That will be very romantic.

I must ask, and I hope this is not to forward, is why such a good Christian girl like yourself was registered on the Christian singles web site bigchurch.com where you found my profile. I am not expecting you to come to our wedding bed as a virgin, but I am surprised that someone as beautiful as you would need to seek out sex. You are so beautiful you are close to godliness.

Please write soon and send the proper papers, documentation, and especially the photographs as soon as possible. Please remember the tiny American flags. I can't bear waiting for you another moment.

I almost feel like saying that we should forget about your father's consignment... I have more than enough more that we don't need any of his. I just want to move on with our lives together. All of my money has not bought me an iota of the happiness I feel since you have entered my life. Everything I have is yours.

Your love slave,

Albert

To quote the incomparable Bob Dylan from �I Went Out One Morning��.�I offer'd her my hand, She took me by the arm. I knew that very instant, She meant to do me harm.�

Oh darling,

how I miss you but I really had to.I took off time on vacation.I needed to think about my life,our relationship ,our future,my late dad ,his last wish and all that.I love you Albert but I am indebted to my father.Though he is late but i don`t honestly think his spirit right there in his grave will be happy with me if I fail to have his valuables at the Union Homes Securities transferred to your custody before my departure to join you.I made dad a promise...Yes I made him promise to sustain whatever he`s left behind,this was my promise to him over the telephone in his last moments in Paris.Yes,darling you may have enough for us including the estate but you see my determination to have this valuables transferred goes beyond the money per se.This is a question of fulfilment of promise.It is a question of dignity,a question of trust.How would you feel if I fail to carry on when you leave in 40 to 60 years time????? If truly you love me as you profess then show me some good reason.When you suspect me of having an affair with barrister Osita you only break my heart.Why would I do that???This is a man I have seen and been to his office.He means no harm, not to you , not to me either.When he asked you to pay 2300 dollars or so for him to get us those court papers,he really meant his words.And as a matter of fact,before the release of consignment I am the last to sign.My intensions is that when I finally join you in the states,I will use part of the proceeds to establish something in my father`s name over there.A corporation in the name of say LORDRIGO AND ALBERT CORPORATION ISN`T A BAD DREAM.

I always love you.

Rita

Ok now, as if this isn�t getting weird enough, I�m away for a couple of days (419 detoxing) when this email appears in my inbox.

In a message dated 2/19/08 7:05:54 PM, [email protected] writes:

Did you get my last email?
With Love,
Susana

I guess pi_eyed isn�t the only one she�s cheating on me with!!!!! The hussy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Wed, Feb 20, 2008 at 2:02 AM, <[email protected]> wrote:

My darling RIta,

I am confused.

Who is Susana?

Love,

Albert

I only wish I was there to see �her� come up with an explanation for this one.

Hi Darling Albert,

Susana is my girlfriend who helped me to type the message to you yesterday.I was in a car accident and just now left the emergency ward, so while on the hospital bed I asked her to type the message to you.She forgot to let you know she was helping me with that.Darling,Did you get the last letter I sent to you.And have you been in touch with barrister Osita lately? Please let us work with him.There will not be any problem.My instincts have no doubt about it.Please I miss you so much.And I really don`t think you realise how much I do.When we progress with the transaction you give hope and life to the closeness of our meeting and everlasting union. Could you please send a short letter to Mr Osita so we can continue with the completion of the consignment release. God knows I miss you every day in the little world of my heart.I will call the lawyer to ask him to write you.How are you coping with the loneliness of your large American estate.? Please do not get so bored with your great wealth though it sure would happen But remember out of sight is not out of mind.I will be there to warm it up soon.Please do not do anything to hurt yourself.You mean alot to my heart.

I CHERISH YOU ALWAYS.

I LOVE YOU.

Your Love and sweetheart,
Rita Candy Williams.

And lo and behold, who do I hear from the very same day but my old buddy Dr. Edward Jones� Guess it�s time to get down and get back up again with my new buddy, the godfather of law, Esq James Brown.

CUSTOMER SERVICES DEPARTMENT
UNION HOMES SECURITIES LIMITED

FEB 20TH , 2008

ATTN: ALBERT P ORCINI
FILE FOLDER REFERENCE NO: UHSC/0055/021/NG8163

RE: PROCESSING IN PROGRESS-[LORDRIGO WILLLIAMS]

DEAR MR ALBERT ORCINI,

MAY WE INFORM YOU THAT WE RECEIVED A LETTER OF INTENT FROM BARRISTER OSITA OKORO.YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP IN CHECK WITH OUR OFFICE BUT FOR COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW YOU HAVE NOT MADE ANY ENQUIRIES TO ASCERTAIN THE STATUS OF YOUR TRANSACTION FILE. WHEN IS OUR OFFICE RECEIVING COPIES OF THE DOCUMENTATION PAPERS FROM YOUR LAWYER, BARRISTER OSITA OKORO.

KINDLY RESPOND AT THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. EDWARD JONES
HEAD OF OPERATIONS.

More to come.

Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:18 am

^^^^
I love the Captain America stuff Very Happy

- And you got "her" to answer all those questions!

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:51 am

Even from her hospital bed the lovely Miss Rita Candy Williams is still pushing hard for Barrister Osita. Time for a mild bitch slap.

My Darling,

The thought of you tethered to life support is almost too much for me to bear. I have gone through two packages of Depends adult diapers fretting about your well-being. Fortunately my former brother in law, Dr. Marcus Welby, a world renowned specialist in euthanasia, anal leakage and painful hemmorhoids is on retainer and prepared to fly on my private jet to Lagos at a seconds notice. Please let me know how you wish to proceed.

On a less pleasant matter, I have already told you that I can not deal with Mr Osita. I am convinced that his is a member of Al Qeda and an enemy of the United States of America. He is rude and owes me an apology as well as several thousands of NGNs I sent him in United States cash dollars that he has not acknowledged nor done any followup work on in helping secure your father's consignment.

The upright and honorable Dr. Edward Jones, the head of operation at Union Home Securities, has confirmed my opinion about the evil Mr. Osita and told me that he is very tempermental and actively voicferous. Dr. Jones said that this "DERIVES FROM HIS PERSONAL LIFESTYLE AS ONE OF THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IN THE COUNTRY." I assume that means that Mr. Osita is a active in the gay rights movement and does not want to see a heterosexual couple such as you and I in bliss together. You know that the Bible says that men who lay with other men are committing a sin in God's eyes. This gay homosexual Osita is not to be trusted and Dr. Jones has given me the name of a good attorney, a barrister who perfers women to both men and barnyard animals, Esq James Brown. I have written to him about our predicament and also to initiate legal action against Mr. Osita for both fraud and bestiality. He has stolen my money and I demand retribution in the courts or I will be forced to take action against the pedarist Osita.

In the meanwhile, my little love muffin, I am still waiting for the filled out passport form I sent you plus the pictures requested by my attorney of yourself holding a sign with your name on it and your government identification code for proper use by the authorities so they can begine to process your application. Your procrastination makes me wonder about your true love for me. I have spent considerable time, effor and money to bring us together and your delay is not helping matters. I can not do a thing for you until we begin the proper proceeding through American immigration. If I do not have you handdwritten forms and pictures by March 1, the Homeland Security Department will disallow your entry. Please hurry. I can not live another moment with you.

Any further delay will make me question your true intentions in regards to our beautiful life together in the bosom of Christ.

Yours always,

Albert

I send a note similar in tone to Dr. Jones,at the bank.

My dear Mr. Jones,

As I wrote to you in my email of February 6, 2008, I cannot possibly work with Barrister Osita. I think that he may ties to Al Qeda and other Anti-American groups. I am planning on contacting a friend of mine in the Department of Homeland Security, Mr. Chuck Norris, of my worries and they will pursue an investigation. I have already sent Mr. Osita him many thousand NGNs to cover the release my my loving fiancee Miss RIta William's late father's consignment and he has not responded . Mr Okoro is a dishonorable man who has not shown me the respect I deserve and now must pay for his ill manners and lack of honor to me and my fiancee. At the least, I will not except anything but a handwritten letter from the lawyer for his rudeness and appealing to the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness.

In the meantime, I have contacted the lawyer you recommended in your email of February 8, Esq James Bown, in hope that he will take on the case of my wife to be Miss Rita WIlliams and myself, and to prosecute the gay activist pedophile Osita to the full extent of the court to regain my considerable cash outlay.

Quite frankly, good sir, this delay is bothering me as Miss Rita Candy Williams and I seek to start our new lives together in the Free World, and rather than deal with lawyers and documents and files, I would suggest that we deal with this the American way with cold hard cash and a good firm handshake. I would propose my flying to Nairobi personally with the necessary monies needed for my fiancee, Mr. James Brown and I to free up the consignment currently in your possession.

Please let me know a good time for us to meet face to face.

SIncerely,

Albert Porcini

And an inquiry to my new lawyer...

Dear Barrister James Brown,

I am Albert P. Orcini, a citizen of the United States of America. I am sending you this letter at the request of the Union Homes Securities, and with the consent of my fiancee, Miss Rita Williams, in order to request the release of the consignments of late Mr Lordrigo Williams that Union Homes Securities holds in trust. Miss Rita Williams and I plan to be married within the next several months and we would like to promptly settle all her family's outstanding affairs before she departs the Ivory Coast to join me in our new life in the United States. Can you please help us with the matter stated below in a letter to me from Union Homes Securities. They have outlined what we need in order to proceed.

We were originally be referred to by the bank to Barrister Osita Okoro, however, I have beliefs that Mr. Okoro is fiercely angry anti-American, anti-white man who had his own best interests at heart. I have already sent him moneys by cash that he has not responded to and I would also like you to take him to court to regain my considerable outlay of many thousand NGNs. Mr Okoro is a dishonorable man who has not shown me the respect I deserve and now must pay for his ill manners and disreputability in court. I have contacted that US Embassy in Nairobi and have alerted them to his connections to Al Qeda. If you would like to speak to the section chief there regarding this matter I would refer you to call Mister Maxwell Smart or speak to his saucy sidekick, Miss Ninetynine.

My fiance is reachable at [email protected] and she can also help you get records you may need to help us to expedite our future together.

Thank you.

Albert P. Orcini

P.S. By any chance are you related the an American from South Carolina also named James Brown? If so you come from a very talented family. Uh huh... Uh huh... Say it loud... I'm black and I'm proud... Can you dig it? If you and the American James Brown and related could you please ask him to autograph some CDs for me. Please ask him to sign them "To my good friend and hootchie cootchie man, Al."

A couple of days go by and I admit it, I'm jonzin' for my Miss Rita Candy Williams:

My darling RIta... I don't know about you, but this delay between Union Savings, the lawyers, etc, is beginning to bother me as all I seek is to start our new lives together in the Free World, and rather than deal with lawyers and documents and files, I have suggested to Mr. Edward Jones that we deal with this the American way with cold hard cash and a good firm handshake. I would propose my flying to Lagos personally with the necessary monies needed for you, Esq James Brown and I to free up the consignment currently in your possession.

There are daily flights to Lagos on North American Airlines and I can leave for Nigeria as soon as possible. My travel agent requests that you recommend that I make my hotel reservations? At the SavoySuites at 43 Isaac John St, the Sheration Lagos Hotel and Towers at 30 Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way or the Protea Hotel Victoria Island. Obviously money is not an object and having never been to your fair city beofre, I hope you will show me the sites.

Soon we will be together darling. My heart leaps at the possibilities.

Hootchie mama,

Albert

I don't have to wait too long for an answer:

Dear Albert,

The problem is that Mr James Brown has not been around town.He may be back later on today but I don`t know.Flying down with ``cold hard cash`` is not all about it.they have got to follow their official routine in handing custody to you and I.After all it may not cost us as much as you may think.My dad always wanted a foundation,an NGO,not from some other man`s sweat.No.He wanted a foundation grown from his assets.And this is why I want to get this thing done fast before flying down to join you.I told you this before.You remember when I first met you,I told you my problem and you volunteered to help me.I respect your opinions and thoughts so much.And that is why I falled in love with you along the way and still so much in love with you.I want to savour your graciousness but I won`t advise you to fly down to Lagos and I really don`t know who is this your travel agent.But what I know is there is a high incidence of robberies in Lagos and I don`t want to expose you to any of that.I give you my word and my word is good.I stand by my word to join you after we are finished processing the transfer of consignment to your custody.You have shown me love,you have shown me care and I am made up my mind to live the rest of my life with you.

I know you don`t trust Barrister Osita one bit.But that is ok.I have no choice than to respect your wish.But let me make something clear.I have no emotions for him neither do we have any affairs between us.How would I be so stupid to get down with a married manMr Osita is married.No I will never never ever do such a stupid thing.

Since you want us to work with attorney James Brown.I will suggest that any money you want to send for this our transaction should be done through me.I shall find out from James when he is back about his charges and I will let you know.

Please I need to know something.When we finally settle down with each other after this transaction,Let me know what I will do that could make you flare up and bark at me in the estate,knowing your millitary background.A frank answer would me love you all the more.

You are always mine just as much as I to you.

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS,
Rita.

Ok, I know that Albert has a tendency to get a little schizo, my eczamatic old fart is going all Rambo now, but forgive me, this is my first time and my characters will become a bit more consistent as I get better at this....

My little squeeze box,

Your father must have been a fine fine man to have had the convinctions that he did and to raise such a lovely godfearing daughter such as yourself. However, I find this delay interminable. I have no fear of the violence in your world. I know that the Lord will protect me from any evils and comfort us in the bosum of his glory. I have arranged with several associates to join me in Lagos where we will sort of this matter to your satisfaction, and to consecrate the foundation that will bear Mr Lordigo Williams name in his everlasting salvation. I plan to fly to Lagos the week after week and hope that you will meet me at the airport. I will be arriving on North American AIrlines on 11 March and request that you make me a hotel reservation at the Savoy Suites. My associate Mr. Orange will be joining me from Liberia on the night on 12 March and perhaps your lovely friend Sussanah would care to accompany us all for a celebratory dinner. Perhaps Sussanah and Mr. Orange will eventually feel for each other as I feel for you, what a fun double date that would be. My other comrades Mr. Blue, Mr. White and Mr. Pink will be arriving from Afganistan on 13 March and we will have full ordinance in order by the end of that week.

I love you my darling but you must trust me NOW when I tell you that I know that sometimes ruthless vultures prey on unsuspecting doves such as yourself and as man of action, it is time to take the appropriate action for the woman I love and the soon to be mother of my children.

You may ask me how I reconcile my military training and strict faith and I quote to you from the Book of Samuel: Jackson 1.332 whereupon the Prophet Jules doth spake:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

It is time to lay my vengence upon those who have poisoned my brother Lordigo and I will share the bouties of that vengence with you.

Meanwhile, I have been requesting this your passport application and pictures for several weeks. Your reluctance to send me this material makes me question your sincerity. You know that I trust you totally, but without this material we can not move further with our future plans. Please get it to me IMMEDIATELY or I may be forced to change my plans for March.

I am yours in the soul of the Lord. Forever.

The question now is, am I playing the lad or is the lad playing me?

Darling,

What information do you need basically?

Rita

Good thing I know how to cut and paste with the best of them.

Darling

I need you a picture of yourself holding a sign with your name on it and your government identification code for proper use by the authorities so they can begine to process your US passport application.

The sign should have your name (RIta Williams) and your number # IMA- GR33D- Y8IT- CH

This is so the know that this is an authentic picture and form that they can attach for your passport.

In addition, my immigration attorney has suggested that in your photgraph that you also be holding tiny American flags in each of your hands. He says that that will make a good impression on the State Department officials and will prove your sincerity to be a good American citizen. I have asked you for this several times, and you promised to send it to me when you returned from holiday two weeks ago.

Please send me all this material IMMEDIATELY or I will have to have Dr. Welby cut off your morphine and replace it with dilated urine from the udder of a cow.

Albert

I may be pushing a bit hard, but I want my trophy badly. Meanwhile, lo and behold a new character makes his first appearance on the stage:

Mr Albert P. Orcini,

I have your message in my mail box.I shall make appearance at the Union Homes to find out what this is all about.Thank you and check with me some time tommorrow.God bless.

James Brown.

More to come.

Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:36 pm

Oooooh, this just in!!! "The lawyer" is angry. This opens up a whole new avenue:

Dear Mr. Albert P. Orcini,

My friend, it has come to my attention that you ar poisoning my good reputable name in the law community.

I put an Amadioha Incantation on you.

After looking at this message,you will be a dead man in a couple of days................Onwu ga egbu ki.Spirits of vultures takes over you now.

You will pleasae wire to my chambers $10,000 to undo this spell.

Sincerely,

Barrister Osita Okoro

Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:46 am

I am enjoying this one very much, keep up the great work! Sounds like it is going to get a bit crazy...

Everything they say is a lie, except sometimes they slip. This one made me laugh...

Quote:

When he asked you to pay 2300 dollars or so for him to get us those court papers,he really meant his words.

Please post the updates!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Feb 2008 Posts: 27

I like the religious lads and lasses....you can throw bible quotes at them to fill up space if you want to.

I love this bait, and I'm anxiously awaiting more. Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:03 pm

Well Pruitt....

Despite the fact that you have so brazenly and shamelessy stolen the affections of M1ss W12lliams from me, I am full of admiration for the way you are handling this bait.

She twigged to me in no time and her barrister, who in this particular previous life called himself U2CHE W12ILLIAMS. (She insisted a coincidence), became very snotty indeed.

They both dumped me the nobs.

He called my k7 number several times. If you are interested to know whether or not it is the same voice, in any phone call that you may have had with R1ta Wi123iams 'barristers', I will email you the mp3 files.

Pi.
Shocked

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 6:48 pm

oh lads, oh lads� pride cometh before the fall� in my zealotry to obtain trophies and other earthly glories, perhaps like Icarus himself, I have flow to close to the sun, only to see my wax wings melted by my flim and my flam� I have not heard from my bait in several days and am beginning to think that maybe I�ve gone too far� I will fall on my sword for the love of Miss Rita Williams� On 1 March I write

Subject: Is This The End????

I am sitting here watching Judge Judy with a .38 in my lap getting more and more depressed with two in the chamber thinking right now that my life is worse than the pregnant teenager on the TV who had sex with her driving instructor and then he flunked her on her road test so she ran him over him over three times but the airbag came out on impact, so she miscarried the baby and now she is suing him for the child support she would have collected until the baby was 18 years old so she can afford to go to beauty school and support herself by doing hair extensions instead of driving a Baltimore city taxi cab which had always been her life long dream and ambition. I know how she feels. I would shoot myself except Maria the cleaning lady doesn�t come until the day after tomorrow and the place will be splattered with blood, and she wouldn�t be able to get my brains off the back off the sofa so you, as my sole heir, would have nowhere to sit when you came to my funeral or be able to sell it on Ebay unless you used Tide To Go to get the blood stains out. My lawyer Coco M Karlen Esq did contact you that I had changed my will making you my sole beneficiary didn�t he? I have the revised will papers right here. I know he thinks you�re an unscrupulous gold digger, but the heck with him, it�s my money and I can do whatever the heck I please. Except I can�t get these pills because I can�t open this darn prescription cap on this nebutal bottle because I lost my thumbs in the war or I would take an overdose. Damn, CVS pharmacy child-proof caps.

I haven't heard from you for days, my little lambikins. My heart is breaking. Is it� is it� is it over my darling? If I don't hear from you by Monday I will get a flight to Lagos and come to your home to see you. You have sent me your address previously. If you do not love me anymore I must hear those words from your mouth before I believe it myself and I am sick without you. You are my life. What do I need to do to have your love back?

I am leaking blood from my anus.

Desperately,

Albert

Two days later, on 3 March, my prayers are answered�. Cue the holy angel choir:

Subject: Love is Patient

My Dearest in heart Albert,

Days and weeks gone without hearing from me.Do you know what it means to be indebted to someone? I am really indeed indebted to someone very special and someone I would never ever be able to see again.I am most indebted to my late papa.I love you and nothing could take away from that, quite alright. But you see I have got to get done with the release of my papa`s assets with the Union Homes.If you can provide me with the funds to take care of the transaction, I would be very glad and happy to do all your biddings. It must be not easy with no tumbs but I will be right there to make you life easy. I will button you shirts for you when we go to church. I will comb your hair so are a presentable gentleman. I will cleanse your soil. But, right now,I need 2800$ to take care of the paperwork and attorney james brown services.

One more thing I need to say. I respect your wish and desire to discuss your affairs with your lawyer but for our lovesake,I don`t think you should be discussing our affairs with anybody not even your lawyer. Because at the end,the world ends with me and you in our little bedroom, our home and our hearts.When we fix a date for our wedding,we can then invite in 3rd parties and this way,I think we would forever live happily as one family and 2-hearts in one accord.This is my honest thoughts and belief.

When I get down to your home in the united states,you will understand one thing about me.That I do everything and I mean everything to protect someone and anything I love.I will do everything to protect you even if it means laying down my life.

Lastly,let me say this again.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.Much more than you can imagine.I am willing and ever more than willing to live the rest of my life with you if and only if you will give me a chance and some little time between one to two months to get done with this transaction and my plans of consolidating on daddy`s legacies and what he lived for.

I LOVE YOU DEAREST AND YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART.

I remain your ever-loving darling,
Rita.

"I will cleanse your soil." Maybe one of the greatest line is the history of 419. I write back immediately:

Oh my darling,

My heart is skipping a beat. I will go to the World Bank office in Petersham today and get a guaranteed non-binding, internationally protected money order today and send it to you via Federal Express guaranteed delivery to be signed for by you. YOu will need to be home to receive the check and sign for it from the courier. Also you will need guaranteed identification. Please confirm with me that I have your correct home address and phone mumber so Federal Express can call you to confirm a time that they will arrive with the two armed marshalls who will be accompanying the courier for security purposes.

Your love,

Albert

Within thirty minutes I receive her terse reply:

My Dearest Albert,

I don`t need any armed marshalls at my home. I am ok. Besides there are lots of money order scams.I don`t want to get myself involved with any of that. Send the money to me through Western Union Transfer . ( Reciever Rita Williams) .My location Lagos Nigeria. Then scan the slip to me.I will like to have word-to-word chat with you on phone. But I don`t remember you sending me your phone number before.

Thanks again.

Rita.

And so brothers in crime, it is at this moment I must make a tactical decision. I must admit to myself that I will never get the pictures, the trophies I so desire � there is no Miss Rita Williams to get to pose! And if I continue to press for my treasure this bait is dead in the water. So it�s time to chart a change of direction:

My darling,

Do not worry about the armed marshalls. The two at the door with the deliveryman both served with me in the US covert war in Laos and the Glocks that they carry will be well concealed. They are only there for your protection, and have the picture you provided me in one on your first communications to assure that it is you who answers the door. My lawyer is concerned about mail scams as well, so I have agreed to this provision since he has power of attorney over my estate. The two gentlemen parked in the gold Mercedes across the street from your home will be carrying HK34's just in the event any trouble breaks out. They are former associates of mine from the Belgian Congo who are under strict instructions not to use their weapons unless shots are fired first. Also, do not worry about the two snipers on the roofs across the street, it is just standard military procedure in situations like these.

I have expressed the money to you via Unsecured World Bank International Money Order via Fedex Top Priority 88 Red Red Right NSC High Priority Defcon Service, Code Alert: Poinsetta, which is once of the reasons for all the security (that and the embasssy's concerns about Barrister Osita's ties to America's enemies which is why we can't be too careful!!!!) The security number is: 8640 6529 5538 and when they ask you the question whose uncircumsized cock did Marilyn Monroe suck, this is a trick question and the answer is not John F. Kennedy (JFK was circumized as was Bobby Kennedy, Sammy Davis, Elvis Presley, both Farelley Brothers and all of the other Jewish movie executives she preformed oral sex on in Hollywood). The right answer is Sam Giancanna. It is very important that you answer this correctly because if you don't there could be collateral damage. Remember: SAM GIANCANNA.

Fedex has the best procedures in exchanging international currency. If you follow the Financial News closely, you will certainly know that the Al Jazerah Bank and the Royal Saudi Bank tendered an offer to buy Western Union in December 2007. The United States Congress is meeting to discuss that sale and the commitment implications that holds for the America and our global economy. Reports in the Economist, The London Financial Times and Mad Magazine all state that the Royal Family has guaranteed 10% of all transactions on the the Saudi-run Western Union will go to fund pro-Arabic causes in the west like the Alfred E. Newmann for President campaign and in the Middle East. For that reason I cannot do business with Western Union, as I am sure you can understand. As a veteran of both Vietnam and the first Gulf War I am a proud American and believe in death to our enemies. Alfred E. Newman is a fine man, a statesman, a gentleman, an environmentalist and a true intellectual and for the Arabic world to paint him as a mere caricature is an utter outrage.

I have sent the package to your home at .AVE 11 RUE 45 KOUMASSI, COTE DE IVOIRE and it should be there on Wednesday exactly between 8 AM and 8 PM. Please be home all day until it arrives. I will be contacted as soon as you have signed for it and Barrister Osita is in custody.

I can't wait until we're together my love. Soon. Very soon.

Albert

20 MINUTES LATER:

Albert you fool!

How could you send the package to COTE DE IVOIRE when I am still in Lagos. All this time I have spent on you, you stupide man. I told you before now that I was in Lagos in the meantime.Why can`t you deposit the money to my account? Please when the package is returned,I guess you may have to do that.Or perhaps you could keep the money.I will try and sort this out by myself.Will let you know when I am done with all the transactions. You are showing me you ar worthless.Take care.

Rita

I try to be contrite:

Rita my little snuggly bunny, sticky honey bun,

Why be so angry with your humble Lord-fearing, god-blessed 12 inch man?

I sent the delvery to you to the address you gave me! What was I supposed to do just send you the money to Rita WIlliams c/o Lagos Nigeria? That would be like you sending me a package to Albert Orcini c/o America, USA. Does everyone in Lagos know you?????? Are you famous in you homeland, my love? Like Cher or Madonna or Bono or Paris or Britney that everyone knows you by your first name. And the postman says Hi Rita. And even at McDOnald�s they know exactly how you like your burger before you even order it?

My darling, my sweet, my little persimmon, you never gave me an account number to deposit money into. Or even the name of the bank.

I will contact the Fedex office and have them send the package to the American Embassy in Lagos. You will be able to pick it up there. I will provide you the contact information tomorrow.

Sleep well, my darling.

Your love forever,

Albert

Nothing back!!!! I sent this out this morning....

Oh my sweet darling love muffin,

So sorry for the misunderstanding the other day. I love you so much and so can't wait for us to be togehter. Please don't be angry with your little Albert pooh bear. I hated it when you were cross with me.

I arranged with Fedex to deliver the package to the American Embassy in Lagos to hold on your behalf. Ambassador John Campbell's ttrustworthy assistant Miss Moneypenny assured me that the funds will be held for you to be claimed at the Embassy.

2, Walter Carrington Crescent
Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria

Her phone extension number is X 319.

The Fedex tracking number is 8640 6529 5538 and they will ask you a security question: Who is Paris Hilton. Again this is a trick question. The answer is not "a socialite" as most people might think, but the right answer is "a hermaphrodite" as reported in the National Star last week. This question it is a very topical current event in the United States that will prove you know your American history which will help to qualify you as an American citizen when it is time to file for your passport. If anyone asks you if Lindsay Lohan is a hermaphrodite, troglodyte or any other kind of dite, refuse to answer that question on the matter that that is pure speculation and request to speak to Miss Moneypenny directly.

I count the minutes until we will be together.

Albert

Lads, I suspect this goose is cooked. Thanks for visiting and all your kind support... until the next one...

Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:57 pm

Good man.

You've got her well wound up. I think most of the stuff that you are writing, although it slays me, is probaby going over her head a little.

She has to wade through all that standup to get to the money, and it looks like its pissing her off.

Keep it up.

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 1:03 am

This is a VERY entertaining bait. You're REALLY good at this.

Quote:

Dr Marcus Welby.. a world renowned specialist in euthanasia, anal leakage and painful hemmorhoids is on retainer..

Classic.

Quote:

I am leaking blood from my anus.

Well done. Superb Bait. I wish I was as creative as this!

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:37 pm

It's been several days and no word from Miss Rita Williams, so I decide to give it my last best shot

Subject: I'm HERE

I arrived in Lagos this morning after a long flight from the US to straighten up any problems we might be having to secure your father's consignment. I can't wait to start our life together. I am at the Savoy Suites at 43 Isaac John St. Please call me or come by so we can get together.

Love, Albert

Still nothing. I know that I'm running on fumes, hoping against hope.

Subject: Where Are You Darling?

I having trying to find you with no luck. I did not like the the Savoy Suites and have checked in to the Sheraton Lagos Hotel and Towers at 30 MOBOLAJI BANK ANTHONY WAY. I am having a great time in Lagos. Everyone is so nice and friendly. I met a woman in the hotel bar who offered me a job in Nigeria if I was interested, though I have never worked in the blow industry before she said that a good blow job is very much desired in Lagos. I do no t really know the economic climate well enough, maybe you can clarify for me. Please call or come to see me becuase I love you and miss you and hope we can be together soon. I have the moneys that you asked for and would like to settle the consignment so we can get back to our new home in the United States.

Let's meet for dinner with your friend Susannah.

Love,

Albert

Alas, I know it's over... I try one last tack... Hoping my lawyer the esteemed Coco M Karlen Esq can gaff the bait and get him back in the boat.

Subject: IMPORTANT RE: Mr. Albert P. Orcini

Dear Miss Williams,

It is a heavy heart with great and sincere regret that, as the legal representative and long time friend of Mr. Albert Patricio Orcini, I must inform you of the passing of your fiancee this morning at the Sheraton Lagos Hotel and Towers. Although the final cause of death has yet to be determined, it appears that Mr. Orcini may be a victim of his own hand. The United States Embassy in Lagos in currently in possession of Mr. Orcini's body, and will be air-freighting it back to the United States for autopsy and forensic reports.

As you know, Mr. Orcini had recently amended his will, making you his sole heir and legal custodian of his enormous fortune. In order to expedite Mr. Orcini's final requests and legal bequeaths, as executor of the estate, how would you like to proceed?

Will you fly here to the United States to claim your inheritance or shall we conduct these matters via phone and email?

In order to transfer these funds into your possession I will need:

a) a certified birth certificate

b) a copy of your passport

c) 2 identifying forms of picture ID (driver's license, work ID, etc)

In the meantime, I have arranged for disposal of the body via cremation per Mr. Orcini's request. I will cover these costs from my modest retainer.

I wish your all my sympathy in this time of distress, and offer you my deep-felt consolation.

Please contact me as soon as possible.

Coco M Karlen Esq
Attorney at Law

Lads, I have run my course. Thanks for all your support and encouraging words... I only wish I could have delivered more.

Until the next one. Doit

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:19 pm

Keep at it Doit!!!

Have marvinator to a newspaper article about your tragic death, send it on to her and keep tempting with that will. Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:45 pm

thanks for the encouragement lotta, and all of you who have otherwise cajoled me to continue...

Good day Miss Rita Candy Williams,

I am still waiting to hear from you in connection to the demise of your late fiancee Mr. Albert Orcini.

As I mentioned in my last note, as sole heir of his fortune, you have inherited a substantial amount of money.

I have attached the will for you approval.

The original copy is in the safe in my office.

I will disperse the funds the way you see fit.

I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Again, I am sorry for your loss.

Coco M Karlen Esq
Attorney at Law

The attached document was something I downloaded from one of those free will sites.

LEGAL DOCUMENT - Summary of Last Will and Testament of
Albert Patrico Orcini

Testator Information:
Name of Testator: Albert Patricio Orcini.
Address of Testator: xx xxxxx Street, Petersham, County of Lugland, Massachusetts.

Information regarding Spouse:
I am not married.

Information regarding Children:
I have no living children.

Gifts of Specific Items:
I give my entire interest in the real property which was my residence at the time of my death to Miss Rita Candy Williams, including my massage oils, vibrating organic egg collection, bondage gear (both used and unused) and subscription to TheBigChurch.com website for sexually active Christian singles, as a way for her to fill the gap my demise has left in her heart.

I give my entire interest in my household goods, furnishings, tools, jewelry, clothing, and tangible articles of a personal nature not otherwise disposed of in this Will or in any other manner, to Miss Rita Candy Williams, including the leopard pumps in my rear closet, and the leather mask in the trunk under my bed.

I give and bequest all of my interest in the following property to the persons or entities as follows: My entire estate to Miss Rita Candy Williams

Gifts of the Residue of my Estate:
I give the residue of my estate to the person or persons as follows:
I bequeath my entire estate and all my property to my loving fiancee Miss Rita Candy WIlliams in memory of her father Lordigo Williams.
If any such named beneficiary fails to survive me by thirty days, declines the gift or is no longer in existence (collectively "pre-deceased"), I direct that such beneficiary's share pass

Executor and Administrative Powers:
I nominate Coco M Karlen Esq to serve as Executor of this Will. If Coco M Karlen Esq fails or is unable for any reason to serve as Executor of this will, I nominate Donald Rumsfeld as the alternate or successor Executor of this Will unless the war in Iraq continues to rage through November 2008 at which time I appoint Ralph Nader.

Bond shall be required of any Executor nominated above by me.
The Executor has authority to administer my estate under any procedure for informal or unsupervised administration under the laws of the State of Massachusetts; EXCEPT that the Executor shall first obtain court authority to sell, lease, encumber, trade, or otherwise dispose of real property of the Estate.

This Will is being signed and witnessed in the State of MA.

Albert P. Orcini March 4, 2008
signed by

Coco M. Karlen Esq

witness

Edward M. Kennedy

witness

Two days pass before I try once more:

Dear Miss Rita Candy Williams,

I regret to inform you that the toxicology report from the University of Massachusetts Medical Center has determined that the death of your fiancee Albert Patricio Orcini has been ruled a suicide.

It is said for all of us who knew and cared for him. He had been suffering emotionally over his relationship with you, but wanted to make certain that you were cared for financially.

In regard to Mr. Orcini's will which I sent to you several days ago, please contact me as to how you would like your monies dispersed. Please respond immediately as soon as you get over the shock of this news.

I share your great loss.

Coco M Karlen Esq
Attorney at Law

And lo and behold, Hooray!!!!!! She's back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what a greedy bitch she is....

Deat Mr. Attorney Karlen Esq,

I hve just now stoppled crying long enough over the loss of my beloved Albert. Your letter of his death pains me so as the death of my dear departed father. You may know Albert and I spend a magic night together in Lagos the day before he die, so I know what a kind and gentle spirit he was in touch with the Lord. I have two questions for you please, sir.

How much money was in the estate my beloved Albert left to me and what must I to to get the money.

Second, Albert was helping me to obtain the consignment of eighten million, seven hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$18.700,000) deposited in one of the security company's in Benin Repblic,in Africa. Since he was your friend can you bring me assistance to these regards so we may set up a foundation in his name.

My sincere regards,

MISS. Rita Candy Williams

Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:55 pm

Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:13 pm

Rita wrote:

How much money was in the estate my beloved Albert left to me and what must I to to get the money.

Second, Albert was helping me to obtain the consignment of eighten million, seven hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$18.700,000) deposited in one of the security company's in Benin Repblic,in Africa. Since he was your friend can you bring me assistance to these regards so we may set up a foundation in his name.

She wants the inheritance, AND she wants to continue her scam? Greedy bitch is right. Rolling Eyes

I've never done this, but something like this might work well here: Since Albert was so dear to Rita, tell her there is going to be a memorial service and you need her to write a eulogy that will be read to the congregation. Nothing fancy, four or five pages should be sufficient. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:55 pm

luckey wrote:

I've never done this, but something like this might work well here: Since Albert was so dear to Rita, tell her there is going to be a memorial service and you need her to write a eulogy that will be read to the congregation. Nothing fancy, four or five pages should be sufficient. Twisted Evil

Beauty! Coco M Karlen Esq is all over it! Thanks for the idea...

Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 1:41 pm

^^A picture to accompany the reading would be nice too. Of course, she'll have to be all dressed up for it... in the "traditional" funeral service attire. Very Happy

One step at a time though. See if she'll agree to the reading first and get her started. If you throw too much at her at once, she'll twig.

I'm guessing there's a good chance your lad is male. That's no excuse for not taking a picture though, I'm sure he can find someone.

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:45 pm

sent this last week, still waiting... thanks for the inspiration, luckey

Dear friend Rita,

We will be holding a memorial service for our late friend Albert Patricio Porcini on Sunday 30 March at Our Lady of Perpetual Orgasm in his hometown of Lacey Unders, Massachusetts. It will be a small affair perhaps 100 of Albert's closest friends. Celine Dion will be on hand to sing the National Anthem along with Jenna Jameson who has agreed to pull the train, seeing how much Albert loved model replicas.

Of course your presence would be welcome and the estate would be pleased to cover your travel expenses. However, if you can not make it here in time from Nigeria perhaps you would care to write a short eulogy about Albert, and your loving relationship with him, perhaps something three-four pages long befitting the important part you played in each other's lives. Particularly your last night together in steamy lust, and how you managed your way with his prosthetic leg.

Thank you in advance.

Our faith in God will see us through our loss.

Coco M Karlen Esq
Attorney at Law

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