Bork, Bork, Bork! - Swedish Chef Bait

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Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:23 am

Okay, I had a bit of time while coaxing Ubuntu onto a mac g3 that doesnt have enough memory... If it doesnt work tonight it's going to get some medicine in the weekend. Twisted Evil

Yep, they're mp3 files - I dont have any more time to join other sites...

Incomprehensible .mp3

2nd Call .mp3

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 12:20 pm

^ Thank you bow_down

The bait officially enters it's 5th month with the first November e-mail. happy crowd

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE HAVE RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL AND I WILL BE WAITING TILL FRIDAY EVENING AS YOU SAID.PLEASE REMEMBER TO INCLUDE THE MTCN CONTROL NUMBER WHEN YOU MAKE THE CHANGES OK.

THANK YOU FOR BEING TRUTHFUL AND HONEST PERSON.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Eze's is really good at translating "chef speak" - but then again after 4 months he should be Laughing

eta Friday, Nov. 2nd - It's late and I'm too tired to scan another fake form right now. I better let Eze know not to wait up tonight:

Dear Eze,

I em su surry! I ves mekeeng a chuculete-a muoose-a und cumpletely
lust treck ooff zee teeme-a.

It is noo fery lete-a vhere-a I em und I em tured frum vurkeeng in zee
keetchee ell dey. Bork bork bork! I hefe-a zee furm feelled oooot boot
it is tuu lete-a tuneeght tu scun it. Um de hur de hur de hur.

I prumeese-a yuoo veell hefe-a it tumurroo. Egeeen, Surry ebuoot zee
deley. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 4:40 am

These lads are so well versed in Swedish they should be sent on a trip to Stockholm. I am sure the lads would love Swedish meatballs and a good smorgasbord. I wonder how long it takes them to translate your emails.

This is one of the most brilliant and funny baits! I go around work saying "bork, bork, bork!" Thanks for the laughter!

Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:06 pm

November 4th -

Finally finished that chocolate mousse . . . took me all weekend Wink

. I guess I can't put it off any longer. It's time to send Eze the corrected Western Union form.

http://s8.photobucket.com/albums/a49/kel4876/misc/?action=view�t=scun.jpg

Dear Eze,

Surry it tuuk su lung fur me-a tu get beck tu yuoo, I hed a fery boosyveekend. Bork bork bork! My pertner und I deceeded tu booy a noorestoorunt! Ve-a tuuk oooot a luun besed oon zee check thet yuoo veellbe-a sendeeng me-a (ve-a used it es culleterel). Zee restoorunt veellbe-a celled, "Zee Dunceeng Muuse-a". Isn't thet ixceeting?

Unyvey, I vent tu zee Vester Uneeun tu get zee furm currected leeke-ayuoo esked me-a tu. Ell zee ledy deed ves meke-a a nuteshun oon itcurrecteeng zee sender und receeefer und she-a seeed it ves guud tugu. I'fe-a etteched zee scun ooff zee currected furm. She-a seeed zeeMTCN noomber vesn't oon zeere-a becoose-a ooff noo terrureesmrestreecshuns oon muney oorders gueeng tu Effreeca. She-a seeed use-azee vebseete-a und zee cude-a et zee buttum ooff zee furm und thetshuoold send yuoo zee MTCN effter yuoo unsver a foo qooesshuns. Umgesh dee bork, bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

November 5th-
Eze gets the scan . . . and blames the agent at Western Union for playing tricks! Shocked

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

PLEASE,WE ARE TIRED OF THIS TRICKS FROM THE WESTERN UNION AGENT.WE CANNOT DO ANYTHING IF THE MTCN CONTROL NUMBER IS NOT SENT BY EMAIL TO US.

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR THE AGENT TO GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.WE ARE NOT READY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTION.WE HAVE A LOT OF CUSTOMERS WHO ARE SENDING THEIR PAYMENTS FROM THE SAME WESTERN UNION AND YOUR OWN HAS BECOME SO DIFFERENT THAT WE CAN NO LONGER ENDEVOUR TO SAY THE REALITY.

SEND THE MTCN CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY YOU SENT OR YOU TELL THE AGENT TO GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY BACK AND YOU GO TO ANOTHER WESTERN UNION OFFICE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Wow, thanks Eze. I was wondering how I was going to delay this even more. I never thought of The Swedish Chef encountering a corrupt Western Union agent. It's all the agent's fault. Brilliant.

Eze, you just bought yourself another week of delays. This bait might be able to make it all the way to Thanksgiving now! Smile

Dear Eze,

Oh nu! Du yuoo theenk I vent tu a curroopt Vestern Uneeun egent? Thet ixpleeens ell zee truooble-a I hefe-a beee hefeeng. I knoo zee egent luuked a leettle-a veurd, boot I nefer thuooght ell ooff thees ves her foolt. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Thunk yuoo Eze fur pueenting thees oooot tu me-a. I em surry fur ell ooff zeese-a deleys und I veell gu tu get my muney beck immedeeetely. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:23 pm

Worf, have you considered using EZTrack? A fellow baiter set it up as a way to "send" mugus money that just never quite seems to arrive.
Here's the url:

I've used it several times. It's a great way to drive a lad nuts.

Mod Edit: url masked to keep the spiders at bay. [BB]

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:24 am

Sirius - so I should just suggest to him to wire money directly to his bank account to get around those pesky WU agents?

Is that how I should approach it? It sounds very promising but I've never used it before, so I'm not quite sure how it works.

eta: Well, I tried, but he didn't seem to want to go for it Sad

November 6th:

Dear Eze,

I ves theenking, vuooldn't it be-a iesy fur me-a tu send yuoo zee muney es a bunk trunsffer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Thet vey, ve-a vuooldn't hefe-a tu deel veet zee pesky Vestern Uneeun egent vhu hes beee geefing us su mooch truooble-a. I vuoold joost need tu knoo vheech bunk eccuoont thet yuoo vuoold vunt me-a tu use-a. Ve-a cuoold use-a EZTrack, hefe-a yuoo ifer heerd ooff it? I used it tu send muney tu releteefes in Svedee oonce-a und it vurked greet. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

November 8th:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE CAN ONLY ACCEPT THE LITTLE CHARGE ONLY BY WESTERN UNION.YOU CA GO TO ANOTHER WESTERN UNION AND SEND THE MONEY PROPERLY.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,

Oh, ookey. Bork bork bork! I joost thuooght thees vuoold efueed uny mure-a cumpleeceshuns in cese-a I run intu unuzeer bed egent. Um de hur de hur de hur. Boot I veell du es yuoo sey und get zee muney beck frum zee beg egent und try tu gu tu a noo ooffffeece-a.

I hupe-a zeey dun't geefe-a me-a uny mure-a truooble-a, I'm getteeng tured ooff roonneeng eruoond. Bork bork bork! Thees is tekeeng mooch lunger thun I thuooght it vuoold. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:50 pm

11/10:

Subject: avey for da weekend-a

Dear Eze,

I veell hefe-a tu gu oooot ooff toon thees veekend oon un imergency cuukeeng cunfference-a. I veell be-a beck oon Mundey und I'll let yuoo knoo ebuoot zee Vestern Uneeun theeng zeen. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

That was the weekend I went to Disneyworld in real life. Unfortunately, in real life I also got a cold. So the chef gets a cold too. It sucks when you get a cold at the emergency cooking conference Crying or Very sad

11/15:

Subject: seeck

Dear Eze,

I'm surry I hefe-a nut vreettee yuoo fur a foo deys. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I cooght a reelly bed culd et zee cuukeeng cunfference-a und I hefe-a beee reelly seeck.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Eze is surprisingly patient and understanding.

11/16:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.
WE ARE SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE SICK.YOU CAN SEND WHEN YOU ARE SICK FREE.MAY GOD GIVE YOU QUICKEST RECOVERY.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 4:55 pm

Worf-
This is a hilarious bait, please keep going. Laughing

!
I was reading this and then received a call from my barrister. I do an awful Chico Marx to begin with but now it's morphed into a "Heya..Borka Borka, you gutta falsetto voisa..thasa ok...I gotta falsa teetha...Boot zee moonee, shesa greet". So, now I do an awful Swedish Chico Marx. Thanks!

Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 3:42 pm

This lad is too nice... suspicious...

I'm surprised this is still going on! How can they tell what you're saying? The Swedish Chef uses more twisted English than they do! Laughing

Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 6:29 pm

11/18: The Swedish Chef is finally on the mend and tells Mr. Eze he is ready to proceed.

Dear Eze,

I em feenelly oofer my floo und feeleeng better. Hurty flurty schnippschnipp! It ves a reelly bed floo und I thunk yuoo fur yuoor cuncernfur me-a. Pleese-a send me-a zee peyment inffurmeshun egeeen. Borkbork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

11/21: No word back from Eze yet, but I did get an e-mail today from Agu. I haven't heard from him in awhile. I guess during that time, Agu has suffered amensia, forgotten who he is, and decided to adopt a new identity . . . to start scamming with. Thank goodness he still uses the same e-mail address, so I'm able to identify him. Won't he be surprised when I'm able to clue him in to his real identity Rolling Eyes

.

helpful g-mail header - agu anyanwume to me (that was my first clue Wink

)

Attention ,

Good day, How are you today? I am writing to inform you that I have Paid the fee for the delivery of your $1.5,000,000.00 Due to your delay.i want to let you know that i went to the bankto confirm if the Draft has expired or getting near to expire and Dr.Craig Peterson the Assistant Payment Director of Bank told me that before the Draft will get to your hand that it will expire due to the previous delays from you.

So I told him to cash the Draft into cash payment to avoid losing this funds.However, all the necessary arrangement of delivering the Fund as a consignment/family treasure was made with UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY here in Cotonou Benin Republic,the Director of Bank Dr.Craig Peterson has package the Cheque/Draft in cash for me.

Then he also agreed to help me to Register the Consignment with UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY.Infact I am very much happy for all the movement I made, everything was normally. As for our agreement with the UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY they promised that your consignment will leave this Country on Next week,But the Director of the UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANYsaid that they need your contacts informations to enable them meet up with you immediately the Diplomat Agent arrives to your Country Please write a letter of application to the given address below.

Atten:Dr Ben Dusman
TEl: +229-937***5
EMAIL:ups_delivery_companyben***[email protected],

Please, Send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrive in your country with your BOX (fund).This is what they will need from you

1.YOUR FULL NAME:
2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS.
3.YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.
4.YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE.
5.YOUR AGE AND OCCUPATION:

Please make sure you send this needed info�s to the Director general of UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY with the address given to you. Note.The UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY don't know the contents of the Box.

I registered it as a BOX ofconsignment/family treasure with an African cloth cover it. They don't know it contains money for security reasons.Also this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX. don't let them know that it is money that is inside the Box. I am waiting for your urgent response. You can even call the Director of UPS SPEED COURIER DELIVERING COMPANY with this line;+229-9***0835

Thanks and Remain Blessed.
Mr james monk.

Naturally, the chef is a bit confused at this turn of events.

Agu is thet yuoo? I'm a beet cunffoosed, yuoo sey yuoor neme-a isJames Munk boot yuoo ere-a vreeting frum Egoo's i-meeel eddress. Umgesh dee bork, bork!

I'm surry fur zee deley, boot leeke-a I tuld Mr. Hurty flurty schnippschnipp! Ize-a, I hefe-a beee fery seeck veet zee floo thees pestveek. I i-meeeled heem thet I em better noo und em veeeting furfoorzeer instroocshuns frum heem.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

At least Eze is happy that I'm feeling better. I'd better let him know that something is up with Agu.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE THANK GOD FOR GIVING YOU THE QUICK RECOVERY.THE PAYMENT INFORMATIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

JOHN C. OFORKANSI

CITY:COTONOU

COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC

QUESTION:SIZE

ANSWER:BOX

PLEASSE SEND THE INFORMATION CORRECTLY BY EMAIL TO ME SO THAT I WILL NOT BE WORRIED LIKE BEFORE AGAIN OK.TAKE CARE.

SINCERLEY.

MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,

Okey, boot I gut a fery strunge-a i-meeel frum Agu tudey. Bork borkbork! He-a seems tu theenk he-a is a mun nemed James Monk.
It is fery strunge-a. I veell furverd zee i-meeel tu yuu. Hurty flurtyschnipp schnipp! Is iferytheeng ookey veet Egoo?

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

11/22:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

LIKE I ALWAYS TELL YOU NOT TO RESPOND TO THE EMAIL HE SENT TO YOU.YOUR BOX IS HERE IN MY COMPANY,JUST SEND THE MONEY AS I TOLD YOU AND WE SHIP TO YOU

DO NOT EMAIL AGU AND HIS COMPANY,THEY ARE BLOODY LIARS.GO TO WESTERN UNION AND SEND THE MONEY WITH THE INFORMATION I GAVE YOU YESTERDAY,THAT IS OUR PLAN.DELET THE EMAIL ANYONE SENT TO YOU SAYING THEY HAVE BUSINESS TO YOU.

PLEASSE REMEMBER TO SEND THE INFORMATION CORRECTLY BY EMAIL TO ME SO THAT I WILL NOT BE WORRIED LIKE BEFORE AGAIN OK.TAKE CARE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Um Eze, did you forget that Agu's secretary, Mr. Komoh, told me to contact you in the first place, back in September? Anyway, the chef doesn't have time for this nonsense. It's Thanksgiving and he has to cook the "torkee."

Dear Eze,

I'm reelly cunffoosed noo. Du yuoo nut vurk fur Agu? Effter ell, he-ais zee oone-a vhu tuld me-a tu cuntect yuoo in zee furst plece-a. He-aves zee oone-a vhu ooreeginelly cuntected me-a ebuoot zee trunsecshun.Noo yuoo sey he-a is a leeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Pleese-aixpleeen. Bork bork bork!

Elsu, I cun nut gu tu Vestern Uneeun tudey becoose-a zeey ere-aclused. Bork bork bork! It is zee Thunksgeefing Huleedey tudey. Borkbork bork! Must bunks und theengs ere-a clused tudey und tumurroo. Iveell gu oon Setoordey. Bork bork bork! Noo, pleese-a ixcoose-a me-abecoose-a I hefe-a tu gu prepere-a zee guubla guubla guubla torkee.Tudey is a boosy dey tu be-a a cheff.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

11/23:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I REALIZED WHEN I CHECK WITH OUR RECORD THAT AGU IS KNOWN TO US.I MADE MISTAKE AND I THOUGHT HE IS ANOTHER AGU.SO NO PROBLEM SINCE YOU WILL GOT TO WESTERN UNION ON SATURDAY.JUST GO AND SEND THE MONEY AS PLANNED TO ENABLE US SHIP YOUR BOX.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

More than one Agu? Really Eze? Even for you, that's kind of weak.

Dear Eze,

Thet's ookey, boot I theenk it is zee seme-a Agu. Hurty flurty schnippschnipp! Effter ell, he-a is useeng zee seme-a i-meeel eddress. Umgesh dee bork, bork! Meybe-a he-a is seeck? Perheps he-a gut heet oonzee heed und is cunffoosed. Bork bork bork! Du yuoo theenk thees is apusseebility?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

He didn't write back. I guess he was still trying to figuring out how to explain this whole Agu thing.

11/25:

Hellu Eze,

Is iferytheeng ookey? I hefen't heerd frum yuoo fur a cuoople-a ooff deys. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Deed yuoo feegoore-a oooot vhy Agu #2 ves useeng Agu #1's i-meeel eddress? I eveeet yuoor foorzeer instroocshuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

11/26:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I AM TIRED OF SO MUCH EMAIL WITHOUT CARRYING OUT INSTRUCTIONS.SEND THE MONEY OR LET ME ALONE.THIS IS NOT HOW WE ATTEND TO OTHER CUSTOMERS.YOU HAVE GIVEN US TOO MUCH DELAY AND FROM NEXT WEEK IF YOU DELAY MORE YOUR BOX WILL IN DUMORAGE.

SINCERLEY.

MR. RICHARD EZE

What the heck is "Dumorage" ? And now you're getting tired?

Dear Eze,

Pleese-a du nut bleme-a me-a fur thees deley. Bork bork bork! I vesoonly beeeng cooteeuoos becoose-a ooff thees booseeness ooff zee tvuAgus. Um gesh dee bork, bork! It mede-a me-a fery vurreeed thetsumeune-a hed intercepted oooor i-meeel. Pleese-a furgeefe-a me-athees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I veell hefe-a zee muney fur yuoo in 10deys. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:32 pm

It's been a week since The Swedish Chef has heard from Eze. I was getting worried. I even tried to send him on safari, but he doesn't want to travel to Nigeria from Benin. No worries, I have a back up plan.

I tried at first to contact Agu on November 29th:

Dear Agu,

I recently gut un i-meeel frum yuoo thet I furverded tu Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Eze. He-a seeed it ves frum a deefffferent Agu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! He-a hes nut beee replyeeng prumptly tu my i-meeels und I theenk it hes sumetheeng tu du veet thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Pleese-a ixpleeen thees seetooeshun tu me-a. I em fery cunffoosed. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

No answer Sad

. Then I try to tempt Eze with a package of cash, courtesy of shipping service.

Subject: Muney sheepped

Dear Eze,

Becoose-a ooff ell thees soospceeuoos booseeness veet Agu, I deceeded thet sendeeng a Vestern Uneeun i-meeel veet zee noomber ves nut secoore-a inuoogh. Zeen I ceme-a up veet a breelliunt idea. I hefe-a deceeded tu sheep yuoo muney tu yuoo es cesh. I sent zee peckege-a tu yuoor cuoontry feea a , a fery releeeble-a sheepping cumpuny thet I hefe-a used beffure-a. I hupe-a thees is ookey veet yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I'll send yuoo zee peckege-a treckeeng inffurmeshun suun. Bork bork bork! Isn't thees guud noos? Yuoo veell suun get yuoor muney in zee meeel und ve-a cun feenelly cuncloode-a thees booseeness deel.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Nothing. So I send another e-mail on November 30th:

Dear Eze,

Leeke-a I tuld yuoo in my lest i-meeel, I deceeded tu sheep zee peckege-a durectly tu yuoo fur secooreety reesuns.

Um gesh dee bork, bork! I run intu a meenur prublem. Zee sheepping cumpuny dues nut sheep tu Beneen, su I sent it tu zee next cuoontry clusest tu yuoo, Neegeria. I sent it tu zee purt su yuoo cuoold get tu it ieseely. Bork bork bork!

Pleese-a let me-a knoo es suun es yuoo ere-a eble-a tu peeck it up. I'fe-a sent zee vebseete-a und treckeeng noomber su yuoo cun treck zee peckege-a tu yuoo und es pruuff thet I deed keep my vurd und sent yuoo zee muney. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

As a last resort, I write to Mr. Komoh (Mr. Agu's secretary) on December 3rd. I have to write in broken english to him, because he doesn't understand swedish Wink

Subject: Where Agu and Eze? Money sent, no here from them

Dear Mr. Komoh,

I mail $9,500 cash to Eze but no hear from him. Money not there yet, but on its way. Is he okay? I no hear from Agu either.

Apologies for english very bad, my swedish better but I remember you no know swedish.

Please write back soon. Very worried.

Sincerely,
Stephan

Finally, on December 4th, I hear from Eze. He does not want to go on safari to Nigeria Sad

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

PLEASE STOP THE PACKAGE AND RETURN THE MONEY TO YOURSELF.WE CAN ONLY EXCEPT THE MONEY SENT TO US VIA WESTERN UNION TO THE NAME I GAVE TO YOU BEFORE.WESTERN UNION IS VERY SECURE AND WE DO NOT WANT TO LET YOU LOSE YOUR MONEY.WE CANNOT GO TO NIGERIA FOR ANY REASON.

SO CALL YOUR PACKAGED MONEY BACK AND SEND THE MONEY TO ME VIA WESTERN UNION.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Bummer. However, this works out to my advantage, because I have other plans for him. It's going to take a few weeks to get the package back anyway Wink

Dear Eze,

I just celled zee sheepping cumpuny und zeey seeed zeey cun retoorn zee peckege-a tu me-a. Hooefer, seence-a zee peckege-a hes elreedy sheepped, it veell be-a a foo veeks beffure-a I get it beck. I veell hefe-a zee muney beck by December 20t. Pleese-a send me-a zee Vestern Uneeun peyment inffurmeshun egeeen und I veell try tu send it tu yuoo es suun es I get zee peckege-a beck.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I just love how everytime I think I've hit a brick wall with this bait, somehow the lad bails me out so I can go in a different direction Smile

.

On Thursday, this bait will enter month number 6 happy crowd

.

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:47 pm

Oh, they love pain, don't they? You'd think that after all these months of correspondence, they'd do you the favour of travelling miles and miles for nothing!

This bait is certainly shaping up to be a classic, in my opinion. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 4:01 pm

It's really hard for The Chef not being in Sweden for Christmas and Eze is going to hear all about it until the payment is ready on the 20th. So sit back Eze and get ready for many Swedish sob stories!

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WESTERN UNION INFORMATION.

JOHN C .OFORKANSI
CITY:COTONOU
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
QUESTION:SIZE
ANSWER:BOX

ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY SEND ME THE MTCN CONTROL NUMBER .

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

Okey. Bork bork bork! Leeke-a I seeed, zee peckege-a veell be-a beck tu me-a by December 20t und I veell send it veet zee MTCN noomber es suun es I get it. Um de hur de hur de hur. Thees hes beee reelly stressffool fur me-a. I thuooght I ves dueeng zee reeght theeng, boot I gooess I messed up oonce-a egeeen. Bork bork bork! Dun't vurry thuoogh, I prumeese-a thet yuoo veell get zee currect inffurmeshun thees teeme-a oon zee 20t.

I'm reelly depressed myselff. It's zee huleedey seesun und I meess my femeely in Svedee. My muzeer und fezeer steell leefe-a zeere-a. I veesh I cuoold gu tu Svedee tu be-a veet zeem reeght noo, boot I hefe-a tu stey here-a und veeet fur zee peckege-a tu get beck tu me-a, zeen gu tu Vestern Uneeun und send it tu yuu.

Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Ifee iff I gut a fleeght effter thet, it vuoold be-a tuu lete-a tu celebrete-a Zee Festeefel ooff Flooemy Fleekcery, a beeg Svedeesh tredeeshun. I em ell elune-a ooff Chreestmes thees yeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:31 am

It worries me that I can read most of the swedish chef's responces in this.
LMAO!
Absolute classic bait.

Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:40 pm

I hadn't heard from Eze since Dec. 4th. I thought this bait was dead and buried. Then today, he's baaaaaaaaaaaack happy crowd

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON,AM SORRY FOR REPLYING LATE TO YOU.I WAS AWAY OUT OF MY COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL ASSIGNMENT IN THE RURAL AREA.THAT IS WHY I RESPONDED LATE.
PLEASE GO AHEAD AND SEND IT AGAIN TODAY SO THAT I CAN START THE SHIPPING PROCESS IMMEDIATELY.

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

I em reelly gled tu heer frum yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I ves reelly vurreeed thet sumetheeng hes heppened tu yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I tuld yuoo I vuoold meke-a zee peyment oon zee 20t, vhy deed yuoo nut hefe-a sumeune-a get it fur yuoo vheele-a yuoo vere-a evey. Bork bork bork! Unffurtoonetely, I ves beettee bedly by my dug Rowlf vheele-a yuoo vere-a evey und my freeend vhu mede-a zee peyment fur me-a hes gune-a beck tu Delevere-a. I cun gu beck tu Vestern Uneeun oonce-a I get better und get zee steeches oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. Hoo ves yuoor treep oooot ooff zee cuoontry?
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Gosh, I'm so happy he's back Laughing

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

AM HAPPY HEARING BACK FROM YOU AND I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU QUICK RECOVERY OK.ONCE YOU GET BETTER TRY TO GO TO WESTERN UNION AND SEND THE MONEY AGAIN OK.I MADE A VERY GOOD JOURNEY AND I THANK GOD FOR BRINGING ME BACK SAFELY.

AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION ONCE YOU GET BETTER OK.GOD BLESS YOU.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

Thunk yuoo fur zee get vell veeshes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I'm surry thet yuoo vere-a oooot ooff toon vhee I mede-a zee peyment. Um de hur de hur de hur. I hedn't heerd frum su fur su lung thet I thuooght yuoo hed furguttee, su thet is vhy I tuuk zee muney beck. Und zeen Rowlf ettecked me-a suun effter thet. Um de hur de hur de hur. I ves fery soorpreesed. Bork bork bork! Rowlf hes elveys beee sooch a melloo dug. Nutheeng ifer buzeered heem. He-a moost be-a getteeng oold noo, thet moost be-a vhy he-a beet me-a. He-a duesn't ifee vunt tu du hees peeunu treeck unymure-a. I deedn't poot heem doon thuoogh. Unyvey, I shuoold be-a getteeng zee steeches oooot sumeteeme-a next veek, su zeen I veell gu tu Vestern Uneeun egeeen. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a be-a reedy tu peeck it up thees teeme-a. It is fery impurtunt. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:03 pm

WOO HOO, that was unexpected... maybee he's got a few bills to pay off for Xmas Laughing

Rowlf - Bad dog, bad dog.

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:06 pm

Eze is still sticking around. He goes out of town a lot lately, but here he is, back again. As our correspondence enters its 7th month, I'm running out of things to talk to him about . . . so I decided to wax nostalgic about moose.

January 14th
Dear Eze,

I gut my steeches oooot tudey. Bork bork bork! I veell feenelly be-a eble-a tu gu beck tu vurk next veek, su es suun es I get peeed und I cun feenish thees deel veet yuoo und send yuoo zee peyment. Um de hur de hur de hur. Pleese-a cunffurm tu me-a thet zee peyment deteeels ere-a steell zee seme-a es beffure-a. Perheps yuoo shuoold send zeem tu me-a egeeen. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

January 19th:
DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

AM HAPPY HEARING BACK FROM YOU.I WAS VERY BUSY ALL THIS WHILE AND I THANK GOD FOR HEALING YOU FROM YOUR �PAST ILLNESS.MAY GOD CONTINUE TO GUIDE YOU AND PROTECT YOU FROM ALL PROBLEM.MEANWHILE BELOW IS THE COMFIRMATION OF THE PAYMENT INFORMATION YOU REQUIRED AGAIN.

AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATION TODAY OK.MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

January 21st:
DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

REMINDING YOU OF THE EMAIL I SENT TO YOU ON 19TH JANUARY.PLEASE SEND THE MONEY AS I HAVE SENT YOU THE RECOMFIRMATION OF THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU ONCE YOU GET THIS EMAIL.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,

I em surry fur nut respundeeng suuner. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! It ves a huleedey veekend und I vent oooot ooff toon. Bork bork bork! I vent tu zee muoonteeens. Um gesh dee bork, bork! It ves lufely. Bork bork bork! I ifee sev a muuse-a. I hed nut seee a muuse-a seence-a I lefft Svedee muny yeers egu.

I ves a beet vurreeed thet I deed nut heer frum yuoo boot I em gled yuoo ere-a ookey. Bork bork bork! I veell gu und meke-a zee peyment tumurroo und zeen I veell i-meeel yuoo zee deteeels. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Pleese-a stey in toon thees teeme-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THANKS FOR YOUR EMAIL AND,ITS REALLY GOOD FOR YOU HAVING THE HOLIDAY CHANCE TO VISIT WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT LONG A GO WHEN YOU WERE IN SWEDEN.

AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS TODAY.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

January 25th:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SINCE YESTERDAY AS YOU SAID THAT YOU WILL PAY IN THE MONEY YESTERDAY.

AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS TODAY.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU
BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

Surry ebuoot thet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Ve-a hed a bleezzerd cume-a up unexpectedly und ell ooff zee Vestern Uneeuns vere-a clused. Bork bork bork! Zee schuuls vere-a clused tu. It ves a snoo dey. Bork bork bork! It ves surt ooff cuul und remeended me-a ooff my cheeldhuud in Svedee vhee ve-a used tu gu sleddeeng oon zee fjurds. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Ve'd sled ell dey unteel oooor muzeer vuoold cume-a in und tell us it ves teeme-a tu iet oooor muuse-a petteees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Hefe-a yuoo ifer hed muuse-a petteees? Yoommy!
Unyvey, zee veezeer is sooppused tu cleer up oon Setoordey su I veell get beck tu yuoo thees veekend. Bork bork bork!
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Any opportunity to wax nostalgic about moose patties is a good opportunity.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:43 pm

You could ask him for recipes using food only grown in his country for your soon to be published cookbook. Of course he would have to furnish pictures of the vegetables growing in the ground. One must always have an illustrated cookbook. Once the cookbook is published at his expense he would have to sell them for you. Laughing

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:12 pm

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I GOT YOUR EMAIL AND I JUST FEEL THAT THE SNOO WILL SOON BE OFF.I WILL KEEP MY HANDS CROSS WAITING FOR YOU TO GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS TO ENABLE US PROCEED.

AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS TODAY.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

The snoo? What the heck is "the snoo"?

Dear Eze,

Zee Snoo? Vhet du yuoo meun by "zee snoo"? Ere-a yuoo tryeeng tu speek Svedeesh Ize-a, becoose-a I'm nut femeelier veet thet vurd. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

YES AM TRYING TO LEARN YOUR LANGUAGE FROM YOU.BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SNOW FELL EVERYWHERE.

MEANWHILE TRY TO SEND THE MONEY AS WE DISCUSS OK. AM WAITING

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER

Well, I could just send him a link to the dialectizer page . . .

Wow. Just wow. This is one stupid lad.

Dear Eze,

Eh yes, yuoo ere-a currect. Um de hur de hur de hur. Thet is a ferseeun ooff zee vurd "snow" boot ve-a oonly use-a "snoo" is zee pest tense-a. Fur yuoor poorpuse-a, es in zee footoore-a tense-a, it is mure-a currect tu use-a zee vurd "snuuzel". Fur ixemple-a, yuoo vuoold vreete-a, "I feel zee snuuzel veell be-a ooffff suun." See-a?

Unyvey, I em fery flettered thet yuoo vuoold vunt tu leern Svedeesh. I em surry ebuoot zee cunffooseeun und es suun es zee snuuzel cleers I veell send yuoo zee inffurmeshun.
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

^ I told him yes "snoo" was the word for "snow" but only in the past tense. The future tense version of the word is "snuuzel", and that's the tense he was trying to use.

Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 7:54 pm

This is really bad, I understood everything you told him about snow in the past tense without your English translation. Bork, bork, bork! Laughing

Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:52 pm

He's actually trying to learn Swedish? Laughing

LEGENDARY BAIT!

Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:37 pm

I figured it was time to go for a trophy pic. It's been 7 months, I think he owes me at least that much. He might twig, but I'm honestly kind of burned out on Eze.

Dear Eze,

I hefe-a a freeend vhu sooggested thet I esk yuoo fur a peectoore-a ooff yuoorselff fur secooreety reesuns beffure-a I send zee peyment. Um de hur de hur de hur. He-a seeed thees is a fery guud vey ooff mekeeng soore-a yuoo ere-a nut a 419 scemmer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I em soore-a yuoo ere-a nut a scemmer, boot I vuoold steell leeke-a yuoor peectoore-a tu meke-a me-a feel better. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I theenk yuoo shuoold elsu be-a huldeeng a seegn in zee peectoore-a, joost tu meke-a soore-a yuoo du nut joost cupy a peectoore-a frum zee internet und cleeem it is yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I vunt a peectoore-a ooff yuoo huldeeng a seegn thet seys "Bork, Bork, Bork"

Once-a I see-a zee seegn, I'll geefe-a yuoo zee muney trunsffer cuntrul noomber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!
Surry tu esk fur thees et zee lest meenoote-a, boot my freeend is usooelly reeght ebuoot theengs und I troost heem. Soorely a peectoore-a is nut tuu mooch tu esk effter ell ooff thees teeme-a.
Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

This is an attached picture of my international passport.I do not have time to waist because you know that we have waisted a long time that is not necessary.I just do it for you to see that am hundred percent sure of myself and my company.So i will wait for the control number to proceed.Your friend is right because there are many scammers out there but this is not part of it.When you sent me an email of Nigeria 419 before i told you to stop co�mmunicating with them and you obeyed me.So since then i knew that you are responsible cheif.

I am waiting to receive the control number today.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

He sends me a fake passport. http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a49/kel4876/misc/MYPASSPORTPHOTO.jpg
Not good enough Eze.

Dear Eze,

My freeend hes seeed thet unyune-a cun phutushup a pesspurt tu meke-a it luuk reel. Thet is nut guud inuoogh. I vunt a phutu ooff yuoo oor sumeune-a in yuoor ooffffeece-a huldeeng a seegn es I seeed. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a hoorry. Bork bork bork! Ve-a hefe-a deleyed thees trunsecshun lung inuoogh. Thees is zee feenel step. Iff yuoo ere-a sereeuoos ebuoot thees effter ell thees teeme-a, yuoo veell hefe-a zee phutu veet zee seegn thet seys zee speceeel Svedeesh seyeeng "Bork Bork Bork"

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

MR.STEPHAN ENOUGH OF THIS!IF YOU CANNOT BELEIVE ME BY MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT,HOW THEN CAN YOU BELEIVE ANY OTHER THING AM SAYING SINCE ALL THIS LONG TIME??
PLEASE AM TIRED OF THIS LONG EMAIL EXCHAGE,PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED IF I HAVE TAKEN YOUR TIME.PLEASE HOLD YOUR MONEY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

THANKS AND GOODBYE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,

Pleese-a du nut be-a ooffffended Ize-a. Yuoo yuoorselff tuld me-a ell ebuoot scemmers. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Seence-a zeen, I hefe-a treeed tu be-a netoorelly precooshuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork! It is a sed fect thet a pesspurt cun be-a ductured. Bork bork bork! Effter 7 munths ooff cummooneeceting veet me-a, I thuooght yuoo vuoold troost me-a inuoogh tu du thees oone-a theeng fur me-a tu meke-a soore-a iferytheeng is legeetimete-a. Oonce-a I get zee phutu es I reqooested, yuoo veell get zee muney trunsffer cuntrul noomber immedeeetely. Bork bork bork! Und, meeght I remeend yuoo, yuoo vuoold hefe-a hed zee muney by noo iff yuoo hed nut deeseppeered fur a foo veeks effter Chreestmes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Yuoo knoo I keep my vurd und I sent muney. Bork bork bork! It is nut my foolt yuoo vere-a nut efeeeleble-a et zee teeme-a tu peeck it up. Send me-a zee phutu ooff yuoo oor yuoor essuceeete-a huldeeng zee seegn. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Well, that may be it. But after all of this time, I can't believe it's the end quite yet.

Eta: It's not.

January 31st - Eze sends me his "picture"

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

VIEW THE ATTACHED FILE AND SEE MY PICTURE,I DECIDED TO SCAN IT FOR YOU JUST BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU APROACHED ME IN THIS LATEST EMAIL.

REALLY I WARNED YOU ABOUT SCAMMERS AND YOU REALLY NEED TO BE CAREFUL.I THINK YOU ARE OK WITH ALL OF THIS.NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO DO WHAT IS REQUIRED TO ENABLE US FINALIZE THIS LONG AWAITING TRANSACTION.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Wow. I think that might be hall of shame material Laughing

. I might add that the same "head" that is on this picture is the same exact one that's on his "passport". Amazing how his expression never changes!

Dear Eze,

Thunk yuoo fur zee peectoore-a, boot thet is nut vhet I esked fur. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I esked fur yuoo oor yuoor essuceeete-a tu be-a huldeeng a seegn in zee peectoore-a thet seys "Bork Bork Bork" Unyune-a cun pust a peectoore-a ooff unyune-a oon zee internet, boot iff yuoo oor sumeune-a yuoo knoo cun puse-a veet zee seegn, I veell pey yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I'm surry, boot I need thees dune-a fur my peeece-a ooff meend. Bork bork bork! Iff yuoo du nut vunt tu be-a zee oone-a huldeeng zee seegn, yuoo cun teke-a a peectoore-a ooff yuoor freeend huldeeng zee seegn. Bork bork bork! Zee seegn moost be-a in zee peectoore-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

AM SORRY,I DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER PICTURE.THAT IS ALL I CAN DO.SO IF YOU ARE NOT CONVICED WITH THE TWO PICS THEN LETS CALL IT A DAY.

NOTHING WILL EXPLAIN SOMEONE 'S MORE THAN PASSPORT AND YOU SAID NO THAT YOU NEED PITURE WHERE I SAT IN MY OFFICE AND THERE I SCANNED IT FOR YOU AGAIN AND NOW YOU NEED ANOTHER.

PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT I AM OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY YOUNG AND I FEEL I HAVE TRIED.SO DO NOT ASK FOR MORE PICTURE OK.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY BOTH THERE IN USA AND IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY SWEDEN.

Dear Eze,

I deedn't sey I joost vunted a peectoore-a, I seeed I vunted a peectoore-a ooff sumeune-a huldeeng a seegn su thet I knoo it is reel. I du nut meun tu deesrespect yuoo sur. I respect my ilders. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Boot I reelly need thees iff I em tu send yuoo zee muney. Bork bork bork! I hefe-a beee reedeeng up oon scems seence-a ve-a lest telked und zeey seeed zee best vey tu meke-a soore-a thet theengs ere-a nut a scem is tu hefe-a zee persun send yuoo a peectoore-a huldeeng a seegn. Bork bork bork! I understund iff yuoo dun't vunt tu be-a in unymure-a peectoores, boot I need sumeune-a yuoo knoo tu be-a in zee peectoore-a huldeeng zee "Bork Bork Bork" seegn. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a sur, I du nut vunt thees tu be-a oooor lest currespundence-a. I vunt thees tu be-a sooccessffool fur but ooff us iff oonly yuoo vuoold joost du thees oone-a lest fefur fur me-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

^ That's Swedish Chef for "Oh come on! Pleeeeeeeeeease."

It's time to break out a baiting tool from eater.

http://www.newsignstandard.com/

Eze,

Thees is zee seete-a my freeend tuld me-a ebuoot. Um de hur de hur de hur. He-a tuld me-a tu reed zee secshun oon troost. Um de hur de hur de hur. He-a seys it is zee noo methud fur Emereecun booseenessmee tu meke-a soore-a zeeur fureeegn perters ere-a legeet. Um de hur de hur de hur. I beleeefe-a heem. I shoo yuoo zee seete-a tu let yuoo knoo thet I em nut joost beeeng deefffficoolt. Um de hur de hur de hur. I reelly du vunt tu troost yuoo, su joost du thees fur me-a und ve-a cun feenish oooor booseeness. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Sincerely,

Stephan Eberg

February 1st:
DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THANK YOU FOR THE SITE YOU SENT,BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL DESCRIBE MYSELF MORE THAN THE TWO PICTURES THAT I HAVE ALREADY SENT TO YOU.

THE SIGN WHICH THEY WROTE IN THE PERSON THEY USED AS EXAMPLE DOES NOT MEAN THAT I HAVE TO TAKE NEW PICTURE AND HOLD THAT FOR YOUR SAKE...I MEAN ITS BEYOND BUSINESS ACT.

SO IF YOU CAN TRUST WHAT AM TELLING YOU,THEN CALL YOUR FRIEND WHO IS GIVING YOU ALL THIS LOGISTICS AND SHOW HIM THE TWO PICTURES THAT I HAVE SENT TO YOU.I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE OUT YOUR MESSAGE UNREPLIED IF NOT I WOULD HAVE NOT EMAILED YOU AGAIN FOR THIS YOUR PERSISTENCE.

I HAVE DONE WELL FOR YOU BY SENDING MY TOW PICTURES AND THIS IS OK FOR ANYONE WHO WILL BELEIVE.

THANK YOU!

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Eze, you sending that one photoshopped picture is definitely not okay for anyone to believe.

Dear Eze,

I shooed zee peectoores tu my freeend und he-a looghed. Bork bork bork!

He-a seeed thees und yuoor reffoosel tu send a peectoore-a ooff zee seegn prufes yuoo ere-a a scemmer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! He-a seys thet uny legeetimete-a interneshunel booseenessmun vuoold knoo ebuoot zee seegn puleecy. Bork bork bork! Leestee, I knoo yuoo mey be-a cuncerned ebuoot yuoor eppeerunce-a und thet is ookey. Bork bork bork! I du nut need yuoo in zee peectoore-a veet zee seegn. Bork bork bork! Joost greb sumeune-a ooffff zee street tu du it fur ell I cere-a. Iff yuoo cun nut geefe-a me-a a peectoore-a veet a persun huldeeng zee seegn I esked fur in it, vell thet prufes yuoo hefe-a joost beee scemmeeng me-a ell elun

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:21 pm

I tell Eze what I really think of him . . . in a way.
It's time to tell Eze he really sucks at this scamming thing.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR EXPLAINATION BUT I TELL YOU TRUTH THAT YOUR FRIEND IS AN ENEMY OF PROGRESS AND IF YOU LISTEN TO HIM,YOU WILL MISS AN OPPORTUNITY.THERE IS NO SIGN MORE THAN MYSELF AND IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE THEN BELEIVE HIM THAT AM SCAMMING YOU BUT I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NOT SEND ME ANY MONEY,SO NO SCAM YET IF AM RIGHT.

LET ME TEL YOU,I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WAIST AGUING ONE THING EVERY TIME.IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND WHO DOES NOT WANT YOU TO BE RICHER THAN HIM THEN FORGET IT.

THANK YOU!

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

Joost becoose-a I hefe-a nut sent yuoo uny muney duesn't nut meke-a yuoo a scemmer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! It joost mekes yuoo un unsooccessffool scemmer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Zee vey yuoo ere-a ecteeng letely hes mede-a me-a fery soospeeciuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Zeere-a is nut guud reesun vhy yuoo vuoold nut cumply veet zee seegn stunderd. Bork bork bork! Iff it toorns oooot yuoo hefe-a beee fuuleeng me-a ell elung I veell be-a fery hoort by thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I thuooght ve-a vere-a freeends. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I troosted yuoo!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Translation: Just because I have not sent you any money yet doesn't not make you a scammer. It just makes you an unsuccessful scammer Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:17 pm

Eze has been very quiet lately, but the chef has still been trying to get that special sign saying "Bork, Bork, Bork" from him.

Eze finally responds after weeks of silence, as clueless as ever.

Dear Eze,

I hefe-a nut heerd frum yuoo in qooeete-a sume-a teeme-a und I theenk it is teeme-a tu ind thees trunsecshun. Seence-a yuoo veell nut du zee seegn stunderd, I hefe-a nu chueece-a boot tu termeenete-a ell cummooneeceshun veet yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Nu seegn, nu muney. Bork bork bork! Guudbye-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

HERE IS THE SIGN YOU REQUESTD FOR .SO LET GO AHEAD TO SEND THE MONEY FOR US TO GET ALL THIS SOLVED NOW OK.

SEE THE ATTACHED FILE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

Really Eze? That's what you're going with?

Normally I wouldn't tell you what you did wrong, but it's fun to write in pissed off Swedish Chef mode.

Thet is nut zee seegn I reqooested! Furst ooff ell, zee seegn ves sooppused tu sey zee speceeel cude-a ooff "Bork, Bork, Bork"

Secundly, thet is oobfeeuoosly a peectoore-a yuoo joost gut ooffff ooff zee internet und used peeent oor phutushup tu edd zee vurds!

I em beyund tured ooff yuoor fuuleeshness und incumpetence-a. Send me-a a reel peectoore-a oor furget ebuoot zee muney!!!

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 6:02 pm

Hmmm... let's see:

Obviously a picture off the Internets? Check.

Sign saying wrong message? Check. (real busin ess? What's that? Laughing

)

Edited in MSPaint? Check.

Tiny? Check.

Rolling Eyes

So, he'll learn Swedish, but not send a picture of him holding a sign?

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