Murder, wilderness and 10 million bucks

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 4

I'm getting this bait going with a esteemed Dr and it has taken a little bit of a weird twist. I'm having fun with it so far, please feel free to give suggestions, ideas, etc. to elevate the fun.

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Subject: Re,Dr.Buhar1...

FROM THE DESK OF DR.BUHAR1 USMAM
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER
ONE OF THE BANK IN (ABIDJAN).
COTE D'VIOIRE.

Hello,

I am the Assistant Manager of the Bill and Exchange Department, Foreign
Remittance Office of One BANK In ABIDJAN-COTE D'VIOIRE In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $10.200.000US Dollars (Ten million, two hundred thousand US dollars). In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in a plane crash.

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his funds because we can not release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my
department now decided to make this business proposals to you and release the money to you as next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don�t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed Bill. The banking law here stipulates that if such money remains unclaimed after five years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner in this transaction is necessary because our client was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a foreign partner, in respect to this provision of a foreign account 10% will be set aside for expenses that we may incur in the course of this transaction while 60% will be for me and my only colleague, after which we shall visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage dictated above.

Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arrange, you must apply first to the bank, and send your account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and affective Communication and location where the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or E- mail the text of the application Form. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is risk-free as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter.
For security reason you can call me through this phone number +
225-xxxx-xxxx any time.

I look forward for your urgent response.

Your Faithfully,
DR.BUHARI USMAM

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Subject: RE: Re,Dr.Buhari...

Dear Sir,

Did you mean this for me? I am not kin to any foreigners.

Max Tallywhack3r
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RE : RE: Re,Dr.Buhar1...

Dear Max,

Thank you for accepting to work with me to get hold of this estate from the late Authur Billings sum of ($10.2 million) and thanks a lot,for your email. I will start by putting things clear to you.

Dear Max, this fund has lasted more than the expected period because we are interested and have taken our time and necessary steps to be sure no one comes for it. It is as well as forgotten funds (lying dormant for years). My colleagues and I have not started this proposal with any intention to rip any body off or exploit any one either. This transaction is something that we want to do without any trace(s). Money without security and rest of mind is useless. We like our honourable jobs of confidence as bankers. We would like to leave the job on our own out of personal volition and not to be handled as dissidents.

Honestly I appreciate the high level of commitment, sincerity and seriousness that you havedemonstrated in this transaction. in regards to your question:-Did you mean this for me? YES MY DEAR, because Money can buy everything but not confidence and life.

My colleagues and I are still members of the bank panel that will be charged to investigate the whole process of this inheritance fund transfer. We are to prepare the proof of kinship right here in the bank with the personal information that you will give us. We do not want to have any hitch in this transaction as a result of delays and in the process of the transfer, We have been in the banking profession for years and know what can make a transaction of this kind to backfire. This will mean toying with our career which we don't want.

The nationality of the next of kin is not subject to sex or nationality,you may be a man or a woman and may come from any foreign country around the world. It is true the late Authur Billings , was a German national butcan have his cousin any where in the world and cousin may be partenal or maternal all what the bank wants is some one who will come up with a proof,impossible for the wrong person to have it. Because we are interested and thereby we will get it out for you.

The nature of the transaction in details:-
You are to send to me your tel./fax numbers and please scanned in as an attachment a photocopy of your international passport or a driving license and your passport sized photographs. This transaction is risk free and will never involve any one along the line if only you are ready to follow our guidelines. Do not reply any letter to the bank without sending me a copy of such letter for a review to avoid mistakes that may effect this transaction. All you need to do is to understand that the watchword is confidentiality and trust,for us not to have a hitch anywhere along the line. Everything is legal and will be legally done.

An Attorney will get all the fund transfer approval documents legally to effect the transfer. There is nothing different from the normal bank fund transfer procedures,the only difference is that we are going to change the particulars of the Next of Kin. who is late and any person can stand for this claim. We are 100% sure because we have carried out series of investigations concerning this fund and discovered that except we move it out, it will be forfeited to the government as unclaimed bills,so this is to be sure that you will act accordingly and not to do make any mistakes and I shall be glad to answer any of your question(s) as required.

All we need is your maximum co-operation and maturity to see that finally we smile together as one in few days from now.

Note:- I will send to you the text of the application you are to send to bank and the application requirements if I have yourreply shortly.

Looking forward to your urgent response.

Yours

Dr.Buhar1 Usman.
Tel: +225xxxxxxxx.You are free to call me for more advice.

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Subject: RE : RE: Re,Dr.Buhari...

Dear Dr. Buthari,

Thank you very much for your kind words.

I'm sorry but I cannot scan any documents or make any phone calls. I work as a forest ranger in Alaska in the Moosenheimer National forest. This is a very remote location, we are here six months at a time and communication is difficult.

I can only access the internet by satellite uplink and it is not very reliable and I can only have thirty minutes a day. There is no phone service here and I only have a company satellite cell phone, I cannot recieve personal calls on it.

Is there anything else I can do? I have to go now, it looks like another moose orgy is breaking out.

Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: Re,Dr.Buhar1...

Dear Mr. Max

Thank You For Your Mail Response, And Without Wasting Time I Will Be Having Meeting With The Telex Officer Of The Bank As To Advice You When The Approval To Transfer The Funds To Your Bank Account Without Delay.

Please You Can Forward To Me Your Account Number, Also Send All Your Contact Addresses, Home & Office, Mailing Address.

This Will Enable Me To Get The Necessary Documents In Your Name.
And A Copy Of Your Security Code Or International Passport, So That I Can Give You Details Information Regarding This Transfer And Highlight To You SomeInformation�s Also.

Thanks For You Understanding.

Hope To Hear From You Soonest.

Thank's

Dr. Buhar1 Usman..

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Subject: RE: Re,Dr.Buhar1...

Dear Dr. Butram1,

Sir, as I explained in my last letter, I work in the Moosenheimer National forest in Northern Alaska, I can get mail only once a month, it will be much faster if you email it, but you can send it here if you have to:

Max Tallywhack3r
4-19 Limp Eskimo Dingus Way
Moosenheimer National Forest
Salmoninyuras, AK

I am not comfortable sending my sensitive information to someone I have never met. Can you please send me some documents or pictures so I can know who I doing business with and this is real?

I am sure you can understand, you cannot be too careful. Why just the other day, a rutting moose tried to sneak up on me disguised as some bushes. If I wasn't wearing my unborn baby seal skin chastity belt, I hate to think what would have happened. As it was, just got my back a little sticky, that's all. You know what I mean?

Let me know when you need the,
Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: ATTACH IS INTERNATION PASSPRT OF MY SELF .I Come In Good Faith.

Dear Brother Max,

Compliment of the day, And how are you today I hope you are alright more especially in terms of good health.

Thanks for your mail of yesterda, I am very happy for your co-operation over this transaction, ATTACH IS MY INTERNATION PASSPRT.

I will be very happy for you to facilitate this transfer.

I count to your maximum co-operation and understanding in this regard.

Thank�s
Dr.Buhar1 Usmam.

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Subject: RE: ATTACH IS INTERNATION PASSPRT OF MY SELF .I Come In Good Faith.

Hello Dr. Butrami,

I recieved your intentional pissport and I must say, you certianly look to be a distinguished gentlemen. Just looking at your picture inspires confidence in me to the point I got so excited, I had to play hide the icicle with the penguins and it was GOOD.

Now that I can see the level of commitment you have to this, I know we will soon be richer than a 3 foot pile of grizzly bear scat. What do I do now? Are there any documents about the money I need?

I can't wait to quit this job, these dang caribou are driving me crazy with their humping and pumping all day and night!

Hoping you get the,
Max Tallywhacker

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Subject: You are to Copy the letter below and send to bank.

Dear Brother Max,

Complement of the day and Thanks for the wonderful kind of person you are and your urgent reply to my proposal about how we can inherit the late Authur Billings estate fund.

My dear, the first requirement for us to support the claims of the money at late Authur B1llings account is an application letter from you instructing the bank as a next of kin to the deceased to transfer the money ($10.2 million) into your nominated bank account.

I appreciate your zeal to handel this transcation with me.
Thanks for your maxxilmum co-operation.

Yours sincerely,
Dr.BUHAR1 USMAM.

The Contact address of the Bank is below:-
Attention: The Bank Manager,Mr Ngh0ranFelix.
Director Biao Bank-Ci
Direct Line: +225 xx xx xx xx
Fax: +225 xx xx xx xx
Email : [email protected]
Site : Www.Bia0.Co.Ci
Swift:Biaociab
T�lex : 23631(Afrbk Ci)

The Example of the application letter is this:-

Dear sir,

I am Mr.Max Tallywhack3r,the nephew of Late Authur B1llings. It is quite sympathetic that since we lost this our brother,our family has been into deep sorrow that we don't even consider his estate due to the way his wife and children died in such a plane crash.

Few days later we held a family meeting and has concluded to raise a name for him through an adoption of an orphan. Hence,we have decided to call up his account position with your bank,and to instruct you to transfer the balance of his money to the nominated bank account below:-

STATE YOUR ACCOUNT:-

YOUR BANKNAME /ADDRESS :-

Please sir,consider this our request since we are trying to put this our brother in memory.

Best regards,

YOUR NAME.

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Subject: Dear Bank Manager Guy

Dear The Bank Manager, Mr. Ngh0ran,

I am Mr.Maximus Tallywhack3r, the nephew of Late Authur B1llings. It is quite syphallitic that since we lost this our way too friendly uncle, our family has been fraught with relief he won't touch us anymore when our parents aren't home. We don't even consider his estate due to the way his wife and children died in such a plane crash, being torn to pieces, burned and all, very dead.

A few days later we held a family meeting and has concluded to raise a staff for him through an adoption of an orphan 17 year old Korean girl and she is really raising our staff, I tell what.

Hence,we have decided to call up his account pasture with your bank,and to instruct you to transfer the balance of his money to the nominated bank account below:-

STATE YOUR ACCOUNT NAME:- Maximus Granite Tallywhack3r

YOUR BANKNAME /ADDRESS :-

Aurora Borealis Savings and Loan
OU812 Humpaduckada Ln.
Shatanarwhale, AK

Just send it to them, its a very small bank, they know who I am.

Please sir,consider this our request since we are trying to put this our uncle in memory.

Best regards,

Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: RE: You are to Copy the letter below and send to bank.

Dr. Burami,

I sent the info to the basnk, but I haven't heard from them. What do I do?

Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: Biao Bank Ci- Need some prove From You.

FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DE LAFRIQUE DE LOUEST BIAO ABIDJAN REP OF COTE DIVOIRE.
NO 8-10 AVENUE JOSEPH ANOMA PLATEUX ABIDJAN REPUBLIC
OF COTE DIVOIRE.

DATE 26th/07/2007

ATTENTION: Mr. Max Tallywhack3r.

Dear Sir/Madam.

This is to notify you that Biao Bank Ci, has receive your application letter, instructing our Bank to transfer late Mr.Authur Billings fund, the sum of ($10.2m.) to your account as the nephew.

You are hereby advice to reconfirm your bank account details with your account number, tel/fax numbers with your company letter headed paper and also provide to this bank with the specifics of the plane crash and some of his family names that were on the plane, some of his asset you know about.

This will enable this bank proceed for the transfer of the fund to your bank account with immediate effect.

Thanks For Your Co-Operation.
Mr Ngh0ran Felix
Director Biao Bank-Ci
Direct line, +225 xx xx xx xx
Direct email [email protected]
Fax: +225 xx xx xx xx
Bank Email: [email protected]
Site: Www.Biao.Co.Ci
Swift: Biaociab
Telex: 23631(Afrbk Ci)

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Subject: FW: Biao Bank Ci- Need some prove From You.

Dr. Butrami,

I am forwarding the letter from the bank. They want information I do not have, like details about the crash, the family and the money.

Do you have any documents or something to let me know what to tell them? Is there anything we can do to get through this?

I am really counting on getting this money, but I am getting nervous.

Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: Advice very urgently on this my brother, what are we to do?

Dear T0mmy,

Since I got your mail, I have been busy searching all the files for these information the bank demanded from you that you should give to them as a proof of your kingship, My brother, it has not been easy but along the line I discovered that these information that the bank demanded from you is in the legal section of our bank.

To be specific my dear I have talked in secret with the record keeper of the legal department of our bank in the person of Mr. K0ne Abie and he has accepted after much loggerheads with a high demanded request that I will give him 70 percent of the total sum, ohh my God, my dear I now asked him, isn�t this too much for him alone?

The man replied me back by saying if I am not serious that I should leave his office,I now respond back to him telling him this is not how to do things and I asked him is there any other way to help me out get this information apart from the 70 percent he is talkingabout, at list to see if the man will ask of a token of some little money but he never said anything, but instead of given him one percent out of this money 10.2 million USD, it is better I drop the deal. HE IS A GREEDY MAN .

Advice very urgently on this my brother, what are we to do?

Yours sincerely,
Dr.BUHAR1 USMAM.

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Subject: RE: Advice very urgently on this my brother, what are we to do?

Hi Dr. Butrami,

First off, my name is not Tommy. This is the satelite email account of the guy who worked here before me. It costs $100 to set up initially this type of satellite connection, so I just buy his account for $20 when he quit.

That GOD-DAMNED bastard Kone Abie! How dare he be such a prick! I would love to drop him in the hot springs and cook his thief ass a while. I'd feed him to the bears after he was tenderized, by God.

Is there any chance you can steal the documents since you work in the bank anyway? That sure would help us out a lot!

Can you kidnap and beat the information out of him? For 100,000 dollars (1%) you can get someone to beat, rape and even kill him, very slow.

OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I will do anything I can, please find a way. Kill the bastard if you have to, whatever!

Please by the goddess of Eskimo Menstruation, Ohugottabiggashmommi help us! Please brother Butrami, find a way!

Max Tallywhack3r

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Subject: Brother Max..

My dear Brother Max,

If I tell you that I am not confused and disorganised over this matter I am a liar. I have been thinking what I will do because I myself is not ready to give up from this deal because this is a life time opportunity because it doesn�t come all times.

I feel your idea is the best thing to do since the greedy man Mr. K0ne Abie has refused to be reasonable. As soon as I am through with this mail I am writing you this very moment, I will be out for a search on who can help us steal the document or better still eliminate him if that will be the only way. Although I will approach him once again by tomorrow to know if he has changed his mind otherwise I will follow your instruction and make sure nothing stands on our way to success.

In a case he refuses by tomorrow morning, my plan is to make an arrangement with the killers to come to our bank as customers, visit his office, get the necessary information and document and take him away and waste him because right now he is a security risk for us and he knows about this deal now and there is possibility that he can expose me because of the approach if I did not comply to his demand.

My dear Brother Max, Do me one favour not to betray me in this transaction immediately the fund is being transferred into your account because I am bent in taking the risk, You know my life, my work and my reputation is at stake.

So prepare your self for some expenses because I will be out todiscuss with some experts that are well trained for this kind of deal. Mr. Max my brother, I am happy you have the kind of heart I have in doing business and that is my kind of heart. Should he say no to my request tomorrow, how do we raise the money to pay the killers to do the Job without wasting any time.

Get back to me immediately while I will be on my way into the city for preparation over That GOD-DAMNED bastard K0ne Abie!

Yours Brother.
Dr.Buhar1.

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Subject: Hell Yeah!

Dr. Butrami,

Now you're talking! I have dreamed of a opportunity like this for so many years that the thought of being this close to all that money is literally driving me crazy.

No more scooping up caribou crap, no more artificially and naturally inseminating penguins, no more moose molestations, no more half crazed with lust grizzly bears. If all I have to do is get rid of one greedy bastard shithead bank security guy, I am fine with that.

How much would something like that cost? I have some money saved since there is nowhere to spend money here at all except for one little store about a three hour hike away, run by those drunk eskimo assholes, Asswipee and his wife, Hofosho.

How about you, can you help kick in some of the money? I know you must make OK money, working at a bank for a long time like you do and being a doctor and all.

Let me know how it goes talking to Mr Fucknuts at the bank and we will do what we have to.

Like a rock,
Max Tallywhack3r

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More to come. Any suggestions? I am going to report the website, the bank info looks fake to me.

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:24 am

Doing good but it seems very fast too, go walkabout, go count polar bears or something. He is happy with you and wants to do business first, be fore you take off, solar flares unfortunately make it impossible to sent more than 2 words at once, or receive two words at once Twisted Evil

Then copy his letters/words together any way you see fit and declare the connection good again. Laughing

Then go count those bears Wink

Have fun

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:55 pm

Great read!! Hilarious!! Can't wait to read more........

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 12:41 pm

Great stuff. My monitor is all wavy I'm laughing so much. How about slowing it down a little as bill2 suggests? The poor mugu fellow needs a few days now and again to to run his bank surely? Perhaps, seeing as it is forest fire season in AK, you could find your territory suffering in this way? Shame to see all those lusty bears and slobbering moose at risk but some sacrifices should be expected in a major deal like this.

Maybe those bl**dy tourists who find their way into your park could cause you to have to leave your telephone now and again, culminating in one of them leaving their camp fire alight and resulting in a massive conflagration? If you get tired of the baiting you could even arrange your own demise in this way.

Or the huge thunderstorms that rage in and around the forests in AK could cause disruption in telephone contact and set the blazes we all fear so much? Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 5:03 pm

Wow, another penguin herder!! I loved the line about playing "hide the icicle".

I've been running a similar routine on a number of folks, and it works well. Right now, I'm having to hike 20 miles to send money to my "beloved future wife" and am planning to get lost in the snow; at this point, I'll introduce a new character (probably another "priest" in my "church" and start all over again. You might consider a similar tact at some point to keep things rolling. Good Luck!!

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 9:34 pm

Very funny. Surely your boss, Yogi bear and his accountant - BooBoo -could somehow find a way into the scene??? Like the work, keep it up.
Big Mac
(PS - I hate it when them moose try to hump you!!!)

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