Lad Mathematics

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Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:41 pm

One Paul Smith wants money from to release a loan from the vaults of Lloyds bank.

Things have not gone smoothly as he first got mixed up and told me my lottery winnings were available, not once but twice, but a mild slap put him straight.

Here are the charges:

Quote:

12 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$750.00
Vat (5%)................................$300.00
TOTAL...................................$1050.00

24 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$700.00
Vat (5%)................................$250.00
TOTAL...................................$950.00

48 Hours Transfer.
Wire.......................................$650.00
Vat (5%)..................................$200.00
TOTAL.....................................$850.00

72 Hours Transfer.
Wire.........................................$550.00
Vat (5%)...................................$150.00
TOTAL.....................................$750.00

Well, for starters, 550+150 does not equal 750, but that's not the issue for me. What I wanted to know was:

Quote:

Not meaning to query your maths or anything, but since when does 5% of $550 add up to $150?
Actually all your sums are wrong. Exactly how did you get that job again?
Get back to me with the right numbers and I'll choose.

Today, new figures... and they're worse!

Quote:

12 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$750.00
Vat (5%)................................$300.00
TOTAL...................................$1050.00

24 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$700.00
Vat (5%)................................$850.00
TOTAL...................................$950.00

48 Hours Transfer.
Wire.......................................$650.00
Vat (5%)..................................$750.00
TOTAL.....................................$850.00

72 Hours Transfer.
Wire.........................................$550.00
Vat (5%)...................................$650.00
TOTAL.....................................$750.00

How hard a slap - or should it be honest bafflement?

Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:48 pm

VAT for $700 at 5% = $850!

Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:53 pm

I would so love to run up a lad spread sheet.... or borrow the one my garage uses

Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:57 pm

hee hee, I would have the lad do it again then tell him its good and go with it Laughing

Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:59 pm

Online calculator to the rescue!

Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 10:39 pm

As an ex-auditor/accountant I see nothing wrong with those figures.

The clients we audited used to ask us "What is 2 + 2?" Our stock response was "What do you want it to be?" Happy days

Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:04 am

Ask for the 8,760 hour (a year from now) transfer rate.
Try to get the price down to about $1.50.

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:40 am

say to him " Thats incredible. You worked that out in your head. You must have the brain of a vegetable" and see if he thanks you for the "compliment". Im guessing he is too dumb to know what that is. If im wrong, then just say "Of course im insulting you, do you even know what 5% of something is?, because when you make financial errors, you have only yourself to blame. Youve got one more chance to get it right, then I will find someone else who is not a complete moron."

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:11 pm

Is this the quality of the African schools the UN supports?

Master Baiter Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 101

Once he's corrected the calculation for 5% suggest you "remind" him of the correct VAT rate which was obviously raised in the 2007 April budget... lets say, 8.42% ... and let him re-calculate it all over again.

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:28 am

What is the lads email address, I would LOVE to get stuck into this dumbass.

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:07 am

5% of $550.00 is $650.00? I never cease to be amazed by lad-logic...

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:34 am

M1d0r1 wrote:

Once he's corrected the calculation for 5% suggest you "remind" him of the correct VAT rate which was obviously raised in the 2007 April budget... lets say, 8.42% ... and let him re-calculate it all over again.

Try 17.5% for Uk, but then if this is a transaction external to the UK it could in fact be VAT free, in which case he is talking poo. Oh hang on, that's right, he is talking poo.

I say, point out that he has VAT wrong and then recalculate.

Then, once he has recalculated tell him that you need his VAT number. Which of course he'll make up, and it'll be wrong.

Then, point out that it is in fact exempt from VAT due to the nature of it, and that you are not going to pay VAT.

At least, thats what i'd do.

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:39 am

My last words to Mr Smith were:

Quote:

Well, nice work there, f*ckface - you just lost a customer. That's what happens when you're a f*cking asshole.
Have a really shitty day.

I guess he's open for business again, so ASEM away.

He's at [url][email protected][/url].

Not quite a Newb Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 47

Isnt VAT Value added tax (im from the states so pardon me on this), tell him you dont see any value in his services and the VAT should be waived.

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:09 pm

Yep, you're right. I think a better idea would be to get the guy to list in detail the value that he added, because without it you will not be able to claim and tax deductions. You could even make up a fake form.

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:46 pm

Folks - Be careful! Try not to educate the mugu! One of the goals is to "de-educate".

Bruin

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:10 pm

Then tell him his other data is off Wink

Ladhematics will always be flaky, and i'm glad they prefer mailing over learning

Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:17 pm

I'm with BRUIN .... the lad has it totally right. Well done and spot on- wrong the first time, better the second. How clever he is ...