witch vs pastor

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 12:07 pm

Starring: , Orphanage Barrister and Helena the Medium, practicing witch, palm reader and suchlike

Once upon a time, Helena found an email...

Quote:

ROCHASE FOUNDATIONS AND ORPHANAGE
NIGERIA BRANCH,
REG NO:534741,
NIGERIA
EDO STATE.
Phone Number:+2343
APPEAL FOR CHARITY FUND ON BEHALF OF ROCHASE FOUNDATION /ORPHANAGE HOME

Calvary gretting to you in the name of our lord jesus christ,

On behalf of ROCHASE FOUNDATION AND MOTHERLESS BABY HOMES, we have hadan increasing rate of adopted and motherless children within the couple of months and through the year passed we have been trying our possible best to CARTER for their necessary need, with our well specialized and educated doctors, nutritionist, cooks and facilities. We have decided to expand the organization; we have been making effort to create rooms for disabled children who have been abandoned by their parents and close relations, due to their physical, mentally and psychological conditions.
We therefore bid for funds at this time of out �most need, more especially clothing, feeding,educational facilities,wheelchairs for the disabled ones, it will be of great help to the needy as the holy book says, give unto the needy and it shall be giving unto you.
Do you also know that $1 you spend on this children can be of a positiveimpact to their lives?Please i am not asking you to sponsor thisorphanage home, All we need is donations, anything you know the Lordleads you to do please do. Please the children are in need of your help.Finicial support are needed please. Anything you know you can donate,please do.
We also have parish chapels were the children attend masses every single day of the week, and we feel we have done a lot, our organization is not founded by the government, though it is licensed under the federal republic of Nigeria, your bid could affect and change the lives of many children that have no where or whom to turn to, we ask for this fund at this time, anything can make a great difference in the lives of so many out there, remember no one knows tomorrow no one is emitted, no one has a choice to make when coming into this world ,remember it pays to give unto the needy, also remember they were never my children when they were born, neither were they my responsibility, neither were they yours . they are already here in the world ,so lets make live comfortable for them ,most of the children are already on scholarship by some God fearing individuals within the state during the past years ,remember that god giveth to those that giveth to the poor neither do givers lack in this life ,as the holy bible says in {prove ;19;17}he that hath pity upon the poor,lendeth unto the lord ,and that which he hath giving.
This organization have days of fellowship which all our members and sponsors are remembered in prayers by the children ,this days are every Friday of the week, the children do fast and pray for all their sponsors round world, all our sponsors are allowed to send inn prayer request, each prayer request followed with seed offering which you sow ,don�t be surprise of Gods abundant blessings from hence ,as it is said in the bible ,sow a seed in god�s vine yard and it will grow ,dear brother/sister believe me you will receive your blessings from God ,just help these children because your bid means a lot them like I said earlier this children fast and pray very Friday of the week for their sponsors ,is definitely going to well with you no matter the nature of your problem or misfortune never loose hope because is not the end of your life says the lord in the bible. Remember he who so stopped his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry him self but shall not be heard.{prov,21;13}.
Please reply to the orphanage secretary so that he will tell you more about the domain and how to reach us. with this mail address
[email protected]
To confirm that we are not scammers, I will advise you send this mail to
the Nigeria FBI . to confirm because this commitee has been liecensed by
them.
Their mail address is
[email protected]
We will be waiting to hear from you soonnest.

Yours faithfully,
Pastor Williams Thompson

Being a good witch, medium, palm reader and suchlike, this letter touched her heart. And so she answered:

Quote:

From: Helena
To:

Now dear Pastor ,
Your email did not come as a surprise, mind you! I saw it would happen in my crystal ball that there will be some unknown man will contact me on some strange behalf. For last week I was sitting in my little occult shoppe and stared into my crystal ball and suddenly I had this vision of you: about 35 years of age, dark hair. Is that you? That must be you! Fate has always been a strange friend. And who dares not acting upon her will? Well, let me introduce me first. My name is Helena Steiner and am a known medium and practitioner of the ancient arts. But you should know all that already, don't you dear? So do not worry, I will not put a spell on you!
You mentioned those poor little mites - oh, yes! - I can see them very well - the spiritual spheres were in an uproar like they always are when so many little babies are alone on their own in this cold and cruel world. However, we are of different beliefs but I would like to now how I can help you with this heavy burden you are carrying on your shoulders? I am a medium but not totally lacking a connexion to reality and this seems as if Fortuna would hold her guarding hand over us.
Well, thank you for contacting me and may the Spirits of good Luck guard
you!

Sincerely

Helena

Although another man was addressing her later and asked many questions...

Quote:

From:
To: Helena

Hello Dearest In Christ,

Thanks for your prompt reply regarding our mail. We got your contact address through a search engine, when we were searching for church workers or personnel to write this message to.well sir the orphanage home was formed in 1966 by late PHILANTROPIST WILLIAMS GEORGE. Recently , the orphanage home has an increased rate of adopted children of about 6,382 childrens. So what we intend doing now, is creating rooms for the disabled and sicks one's. and our building cannot contain the number of children we have recently. So sir we intend raising fund through to public to set up another building, more educationalist(Teachers), more cooks, and even more materials like wheel chairs (for the disabled), garden play tools for the little children and the rest.
Please sir we are not taxing you on the amount you are to donate. Please you are the one to know what to donate. Any amount from you is kindly appreciated. I mean anything your minds lead you to help the children with, Please sir do it.
Attach to this message below is a copy of the donations form. Please fill and submit the form as soon as possible.

ROCHASE FOUNDATIONS! DONATIONS FORM

FULL NAME ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEX ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MARTIAL STATUS --------------------------------------------------------------------
OCCUPATION --------------------------------------------------------------------------
STATE/PROVINCE----------------------------------------------------------------------
COUNTRY ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZIP/POSTAL CODE --------------------------------------------------------------------
RESIDENCIAL ADDRESS ---------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY DID U DECIDE TO SUPPORT THE ORPHANS? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CURRENT PLACE OF WORSHIP --------------------------------------------------------
EMAIL ADDRESS ------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEL/-FAX -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?----------------------------------
HOW MUCH ARE YOU DONATING?-----------------------------------

NOTE:Please once we receive this form back, and the donation status, A prayer request form will be sent to you. So that the little kids can also get in touch with you through prayers. And i know quite welll that your prayer request must come to perfection.
We have some comment of our past donons, Who has really received miracles after donating for this orphanage home. Some of the donons are from UK, CANADA, ITALY AND SPAIN.
Sir we promise you that what ever maybe your recent condition, God will bring an end to it .
Hope to hear from you soonest.

Yours In Christ

Orphanage Barrister

..she decided to help.

Quote:

From: Helena
To:

Dear Pastor Emmanuel,

How very nice of you to get back to me despite the fact (as I just had to read in your email) that you wanted to contact church people only. Well, I am more than afraid that I am not a Christian at all but a witch (that's how we neo-pagans of the wiccan tradition call ourselves to remember those poor women that were slaughtered in the old times by - sorry to say so - Christians!). However, for I am not sure - and the Cards did not say anything about this yet - if you would accept a donation from a pagan I left out the amount I plan to donate to prevent you from being disappointed.

Cheers and may Fortune smile upon you!

Helena

ROCHASE FOUNDATIONS! DONATIONS FORM

FULL NAME --Helena Loretta Steiner
SEX --occasionally when doing rituals
MARTIAL STATUS --not married------------------------------------------------------------------
OCCUPATION --Medium, Spiritualist, Palm reader, Soothsayer, Occultist, Astrologer
STATE/PROVINCE-Greater London
COUNTRY -United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland---
ZIP/POSTAL CODE --W41 9NO---------------
RESIDENCIAL ADDRESS -Bob-Ross-Drive 11------------------------------
WHY DID U DECIDE TO SUPPORT THE ORPHANS? -Well, that is not easy to explain. I was having an occult session (some gazing into my crystal ball) and my spiritual animal Pliskin said that there will be a letter from a stranger I yet do nor know and then came your email telling this sad story about those poor children. As a witch I am like you a human only and it is my duty to help others.--- -------
CURRENT PLACE OF WORSHIP -The Coven of Spiritual Delight/Sistren of Artemis and in the woods--------
EMAIL ADDRESS [email protected]----------------------------------
TEL/-FAX -none------------------------
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?-yes---------
HOW MUCH ARE YOU DONATING?-----------------------------------

But this man seemed to want her money only.

Quote:

From:
To: Helena

Hello Dearest In Christ,
I dont mean that only christain can donate. Please madam this donation is made by everybody who have the feelings of young kids. Please madam try to understand my points please, This little kids need something from you weather big or small. Please we are not taxing you on the amount to donate to the kids . try to get my point. Please madam help us we really need your help. The children are waiting to see you donate something for them.
Please help us to help the kids.any amount is welcomed

Yours In Christ

Orphanage Barrister

So, being a medium, witch etc etc.. Helena still cared about those poor children (not the money) and grabbed the opportunity to get in contact with a colleague.

Quote:

From: Helena
To:
Dear Father!
O what good news that is you brought to me! I am more than just glad that you also accept donations from other religions. But then, who wouldn't if it's for the best of those dear little sweets? Pliskin, my incubus asked me to ask you what the money is used for. Will you mission those dear kiddies so that they will become Christians?? I'm not sure if I really want to donate my 5000 under these circumstances. I mean, giving them a home, education and suchlike is of course also okay by me, but do they have to become Christians? Or are you also accepting that they still believe in their forefathers' spirits? I would like that very much. Which reminds me, do you know any witchdoctor or voodoo priest? I really would love to get into contact with one and talk with him or her from colleague to colleague. How exciting this must be! If you could provide such a contact I might persuade my fellow sisters to donate as well, what do you think of this?
Blessings of Mother Earth!
Helena

But this man had no heart for the children's heritage!

Quote:

From:
To: Helena
Hello Dearest In Christ,
I am in receipt of your mail. Well what you are requesting for is totally out of the christain page. Well we dont have a witch doctor is any kind of spiritual belief. So madam, Please all what we are seriously asking for is anything from you that can be beneficial to the children. Please anything you have for the children , is generally acceptable.,
I awaits your urgent response.

Yours In Christ

Orphanage Barrister

And Helena decided not to donate.

Quote:

From: Helena
To:

Dear Pastor,

I hope you had a happy Pentecost? Well you surly had as my dear Pliskin told me. However, I was very very disappointed when I read your last mail and this is also the reason why I am answering so late. Your mail clearly showed that the mind of the clergy did not change an inch from the times of the Inquisition. Still other forms of believes are oppressed and made ridiculous. Now, after consulting the ancient Runes of Odin I and getting no witch doctor I decided not donate. I know this might be a rather harsh decision but one has standards, eight? Just like you. I do not want to be a money cow that is good enough to give away for Christian projects and on the other side am rejected for not having this Christian belief. So, no witch doctor, no money!

May Inspiration shine upon you!

Helena

And this changed the man's mind... Smile

Quote:

From:
To: Helena

Hello Madam,
I received your mail. Well i will see what i can do about contacting a witch doctor. I pray our relationship come to a donations stage.

Orphanage Barrister

.. and made our Helena a happy witch!

Quote:

From: Helena
To: Pastor Emmanuel Ade

Dear Reverend,
That of course would change my mind upon the topic of giving a donation to a Christian organization! That would be so tremendously exciting! A real witch doctor! WOW! Now, when do you think will you have the contact?
May the sun shine for you even in the darkest places!
Helena

And so this clergy man has decided to become a witch himself? Shocked

Quote:

From:
To: Helena

Hello Dearest,
i consulted a witch doctor close to me yesterday, and i told her that i would want her to initiate us to the witch kingdom. But the things she demanded for is too much. We can not afford it, Because we are many. She told us to bring $2,500 to buy all the necessary items. And we only have $1,200 in our account for now. Please advise me on what to do about this.

Yours In Service

Orphanage Barrister

Quote:

From: Helena
To: Pastor Emmanuel Ade
Dear Reverend,

I was delighted to receive your message! You are a marvellous man, says Pliskin! Now, what does my colleague want money for? One never should do witchcraft to gain money, that is a very very bad and evil thing to do, mind you. I am not sure if she is the right person. I will consult the spiritual world and ask for guidance. Maybe my little helpers there know something and can give advice and then I shall get back to you with the wisom of the world beyond!

However, you should go there and ask her about the inititation she wants to do, that would help a lot to clearify things. You can tell her that I am a witch myself (maybe she's heard of me?) and know about many a ritual! But beware! One does not play games with witches or witch doctors! You may want to throw some salt over your left shoulder for protection and wear a red bandana around your head! This will give you sufficient protection against the Evil Eye! I once had a quarrel with another witch and was blessed to have this bandana!

So, I will make a trance now and travel into the spiritual world and then I will get back to you!

May Diana the God-Queen of Witches protect you!

Helena

Well, the lucky star was none, he seems to have made up his mind and retuned to Christianity... Crying or Very sad

Quote:

From: Pastor Emmanuel Ade
To: Helena

Hello Maga, (now, now..)
May God bless you for all your effort towards the development of the orphans. I cant do what you are asking me to do. Yiu can go with your money. We shall meet on the last day.
Please dont mail me again concernign you and your witch craft. If Not the lord almighty will strike on your family and the repercussion will be very intimidious.

Quote:

From: Helena
To: Pastor Emmanuel Ade
Dear Pastor,

I must admit that I was and still am shocked about what you wrote. What has happend? What changed your mind? Yesterday you and your lot wanted to be introduced into the kingdom of witchcraft. I really do not understand this sudden change of mind. Did this woman put a spell on you? Are you jinxed in any way? I could help you there if this should be the case! However, if this wish of mine has put you into any trouble I will apologise! Well, as long as you will apologise for your rudeness and calling your god upon me!

Now, of course i am still willing to donate. This orphanage you manage will surly need it, even if it's the money from a heathen, right? I was thinking of 5.000$ but due to your lack of respect towards other religions I will cut it down to 1.000$ (still, if you can provide a contact to a colleague of mine I shall give the 5.000$). Of course if you want we can also meet on the last day - I presume you mean the last day of this month? I hadn't planned to travel but why not?

Helena

Quote:

From: Pastor Emmanuel Ade
To: Helena
Hello,
Please this is to inform you that we are no more intrested in this game. Get lost with your money. And spend your life in Hell.
Please dont write me back concerning your witch crafty.

byeeeeeeee.ole

Quote:

From: Helena
To: Pastor Emmanuel Ade
Dear Mugu-Pastor!

That is by no means a way to behave as a man of (your) god! I actually doubt that you are a pastor after all. I am a well known medium and surly do not deserve such a treatment! I must say that I subject to your assholism!
Two more question, if you allow, are you from Spain or why are you saying "ol�"? And, do you have any good recipy for potato salad?

Helena

not to be continued

comments & advice appreciated!

Master Baiter Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 233 Location: USA

Floral, I love the modality! LOL

[quote]I pray our relationship come to a donations stage.[quote]

I'll bet THAT is a oft-used prayer by the lads.

I think you may have touched a nerve with this lad with the witchcraft--some of them are VERY superstitious. It might be interesting to see if you continue to scare them off with it. I for one will look forward to hearing more from you on this topic.

Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2006 4:30 pm

Try it on some more mugus, some will fall for it.
You need a carrot ... tell him you will teach them to turn lead into gold.
If he want a prove, tell him to send you a big piece of lead with FedEX.

Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2006 8:29 pm

Unfortunately there is only one left at the moment - 4 other lads hopped off after I asked them to get me a witch doctor. They really seem quite scared when it comes to witches... Twisted Evil

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

I think there was a perfect opportunity to help children, and Helena at the same time! *Insert Hansel and Gretel storyline here* Twisted Evil

Might be a good method for future baits, if you get the chance. Smile

Nice one in any case!

-C