Crusade to a fetish village (Dec 13th trying 4 my safari)

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Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

A lad has applied for a grant through my church, this is what he needs the grant for:

Quote:

Submitted via http://xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx by 195.245.109.90. (Israeli satellite providor)

Please do not reply to this email.

Name: DONALD Pxxxx
Postal Address: 127 ROxxx ROAD OWxxx IMO STATE NIGERIA
Country: NIGERIA
Age: xx YRS
Date of Birth: 16/02/19xx
Occupation: FARMER/CHURCH PARISH WORKER
Email Address: [email protected]
Amount Required: 2000 POUNDS
Reason For Grant: TO SPONSOR A TWO WEEK CRUSADE IN A REMOTE AND FETISH VILLAGE TO RID IT OF ITS AGE LONG FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME
RESULTANT FATAL EFFECTS ON THE TEAM BUT NOW,REKNOWNED MEN OF GOD ARE WILLING TO COME WITH ME IF I AM READY.VERY STRONG MEN OF GOD EVEN SOME FROM GHANA.

THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COPERATION.

He sent that 3 times using the online church form, and just to make sure he sent it as normal email as well Rolling Eyes

:

Quote:

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I JUST FILLED AND SUBMITTED YOUR GRANT FORM BUT I FEAL I SHOULD ALSO NOTIFY YOU ON MY REASONS FOR THE GRANT. REASON.....

TO SPONSOR A TWO WEEK CRUSADE IN A REMOTE AND FETISH VILLAGE TO RID IT OF ITS AGE LONG FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME RESULTANT FATAL EFFECTS ON THE TEAM BUT NOW,REKNOWNED MEN OF GOD ARE WILLING TO COME WITH ME IF I AM READY.VERY STRONG MEN OF GOD EVEN SOME FROM GHANA.

THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COPERATION.

YOURS BROTHERLY

DONALD SEAN Pxxxx

I really must find out more about this Laughing

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 10:44 am

That is a weird format alright. Looks like it would be worth baiting him to see what the hell he is up to.

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:02 pm

damn, the gimp suit is at the dry cleaners! other wise i would be there

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:04 pm

If this guy is for real, this could be a fantastic bait. Oh, the possibilities.

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:10 pm

this guy gets paid to go to orgies!? i think im about to consider a radical change of occupation.

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:13 pm

Can we come and watch we need a vacation some time and this might be an ideal place Cool

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

I think we need to get some more info about it first of all, sent him this:

Quote:

Dear Donald Pxxxx,

Thank you for your email, it is absolutely outrageous that a deity is eating the feotus's and embryo's of unborn children for sacrifice, I have heard of these deities before and the evil they do, please give me a full account of what has been happening with regards to this evil doer and the fetish village, I want to know exactly what goes on there in detail, what practises do they do in the fetish village?

I would like a full written breakdown of all the individual costs that will be incurred on this crusade, please state all items that will be required to deal with the deity.

Blessings,

Father O'H

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:35 pm

Can I get a "Hell Yeah!!"

This is screaming photo ops- by all means send him.

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 1:55 pm

Scam Patroller's lad wrote:

FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.

Demand video. Very Happy

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 3:57 pm

Ask him for the deity's name - I'm quite curious about this!

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 5:17 pm

No. By fetish he means a village where juju/voodoo is rampant. Not what you guys think. Though it would be possible to have a hillarious misunderstanding.....

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 5:31 pm

fetish... a token or talisman representing a person or sprit entity....
Usually made of latex with or without natural veining or texture and my be battery operated in some cases. Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 5:42 pm

Some people collect them:
http://www.hamillgallery.com/SITE/Fetishes.html

I really like GeneralAbacha's suggestion of a "hillarious misunderstanding", though...

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 5:45 pm

I don't think a video is possible, unless the lad is willing to mail the tape. Then it comes to the hard part of converting analog to digital video...

But I would like to see some pictures of the ceremony.... Laughing

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:23 pm

I can't help but being reminded of one of my favourite jonbarry baits:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24622

Please don't necro. Impressively, his pics are still online after all this time.

Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:35 pm

Scam Patroller's lad wrote:

FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.

It must be the female incarnation of Fat Bastard.

Fat Bastard wrote:

I ATE A BAY-BEH!

Master Baiter Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 233 Location: USA

Scam Patroller, as I read your lads note, I was picturing the scene from the Exorcist where the 'most holy of priests' is walking through the fog and knocks at the door!

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Got a reply, the lads do make me laugh Laughing

:

Quote:

DEAR FATHER O�H,

THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

IT IS BELIEVED THAT THIS DEITY IS FEMALE AND WAS A WIFE TO THE god OF THUNDER"AMADI-OHA" BY THE PEOPLE OF THIS VILLAGE. THEIR ANCESTORS WORSHIPPED HER TO THE FULLEST BEFORE THE EARLY MISSIONARIES EXPLORED.

AT A TIME MAY BE EARLY 40�S TILL RECENTLY,THE ACTIVITIES IN THE
SHRINE WEREN�T TAKEN SERIOUSLY BUT JUST FEW YEARS AGO,A NEW SHRINE PRIEST[OCCULTIC]WAS IMPLANTED TO RUN THE ACTIVITIES OF THE SHRINE AND THIS NEW PRIEST WITH VIGOR STARTED OBSERVING SOME OF THE ABANDONED RITUAL PRACTISES TO THE god.

ANY PREGNANT WOMAN THAT DOES NOT BRING AT LEAST A COCK (a what, oh that sort of cock Laughing

) DURING HER GESTATION PERIOD USUALLY HAVE A STILL BIRTH AND ANY NON-INDEGINEOUS LADY[PREGNANT]THAT PASSES THE WAY OF THE SHRINE GETS MISCARRIAGE WITHIN A WEEK.THIS DOES HAPPEN AND SEVERAL RELIGIOUS GROUPS HAVE TRIED TO DESTROY HER TO NO AVAIL,THOUGH THEY ARE NOT SUCH A FORCE.

SOMETIME IN NOVEMBER LAST YEAR IN MY DREAM,THE LORD MINISTERED TO METHAT I WILL BE THE ONE TO FORM A FORMIDABLE FORCE TO DELIVER THE PEOPLE OF UMUCHOKO VILLAGE FROM THIS. SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN CONSULTING
AND ARRANGING WITH VERY STRONG MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD ALMIGHTY INCLUDING A CATHOLIC REVEREND FATHER FROM MY VILLAGE.AND I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE MODALITIES. I HAVE PUT IN A LOT OF MY WIDOW�S MIGHT ON THIS PROJECT UNTIL GOD DIRECTED ME TO THE CHURCH OF GOODWILL.

AS TO THE BREAKDOWN ON THE INDIVIDUAL COSTS:

[1] THE AIR TICKETS OF THOSE COMING FROM GHANA AND THEIR FEEDING/ACCOMODATION FOR TWO WEEKS--------1,200 POUNDS

[2]HIRING OF CANOPIES AND MINI BUSES FOR CONVEYANCE-----300 POUNDS

THE CHURCH HAS PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEMS AND A COMPETENT GOSPEL BAND---NO COST (a fricking band, at least that's free, damn, he could have got �300 for that if he had asked nicely Laughing

)

[3]HIRING THE BULLDOZER TO CLEAR THE SHRINE AFTER THE REVIVAL/DELIVERANCE SESSION-------200 POUNDS (a bulldozer Rolling Eyes

, not heard that one before, what a craker Laughing

)

[4]PRINTING OF HANDBILLS /RADIO AND TELEVISION AWARENESS JINGLES------200 POUNDS (you having a laugh mate, radio and TV jingles, would love to hear those Laughing

)

THIS WILL TOTAL TO 1,950 POUNDS AS AGAINST 2000 POUNDS I REQUESTED. (thanks, you saved me �50)

BUT I GUESS THE EXTRA 50 POUNDS IS FOR OTHER MISCELLENOUS EXPENCES. (I guess you didn't save me �50, make sure you use every pound wont you Rolling Eyes

)

ACTUALLY,WE ARE NOT RELYING SOLELY ON YOUR GRANT BUT IT WILL HELP A GREAT DEAL. (yeah, I can just see people queuing up to help you with this Rolling Eyes

)

MAY ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU ATTEND TO THIS. PLEASE IF IT WILL BE GRANTED ME,LET ME KNOW SO THAT I WILL START MAKING OTHER PRE-ARRANGEMENTS AND NOTIFY OTHER PRINCIPAL PARTICIPANTS.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD Pxxxx

Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 9:18 pm

Slap me if you need to - but is there the chance this guy is serious? I mean, there are scams and there are scams. Then there are religious fanatics of all flavours. Shocked

Though either way.....

OK, re-read everything & slapped myself.

Still, ten/ten for originality.

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

I found a photo of the "Amadi-Oha" fetish who we will be fighting on Google:

Amadioha (Thunder God) & His Wife

Looks quite cute actually, now that's a proper carving Shiver Laughing

Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:49 pm

A bait to die for! LOL! Laughing

Destined for the Hall of Fame.

TS

Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:56 pm

aw crap, they found our village...I hope he they don't show up when we're eating fetuses..there's usually not enough to go around if we have company.

Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 11:06 pm

@Scam Patroller--

I've seen the gent in the pith helmet on traditional masks and ritual helmets before. Possibly Fulani (Hausa); those are what I usually look at. I never knew who he was before today. Thanks!

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

^^^^^ No Ergot, you are wrong, the one in the pith helmet is Yeawhatever's lad on safari in Chad Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

I have sent him a reply, I didn't want to ask for too much this early on, wanted to get a good hold first, but then I thought, sod it, might as well ask for some things now to see how responsive he is, also offered him a job as our Nigerian pastor if he fancies it, might sweeten him up a bit Wink

:

Quote:

Dear Donald Pxxxx,

Thank you for your email, from your description that deity sounds truly ghastly, we shall certainly have to deal with it and make sure that it never takes any more unborn children, I and my church will do everything in our power to help you rid the village of the evil one.

I have looked over your breakdown of individual costs, but can you explain to me in detail why people need to come from Ghana to help you, what is so special about them that they can help with this evil doer?

How far is the deity located from where you live, I gather it must be very local to you, because you mention that when pregnant women walk past it, they are caused to have a miscarriage some time later, so presumably, it must be close to you as pregnant women cannot walk very far. Which brings up the issue of why you will need canopies and mini busses for transport, surely if the deity is very local, you will not need transport, or am I missing something?

The bulldozer I have no problem with, it is essential item needed to crush the evil one and it's shrine to the ground and grind it in to dust. Please put the words "sponsored by the Church of Gxxxxxxx" painted on the bulldozer so that people know it was us who helped you destroy the evil one, it will be great advertising for my church.

You mention about making handbills, plus radio and TV jingles, this intrigues me, so you are going to do a mass advertisement broadcast about the downfall of the evil deity? I must say that sounds very good and will raise a lot of interest, which will also be good for the Church of Gxxxxxxx in Africa because we have no church in your area. I trust that you will be mentioning the name of my church on all the handbills and jingles?

I would like too see some drafts of the handbills you are having made, and I would also like to hear a draft of the recording of the jingle, these are needed for church records, this will go a long way to proving you are genuinely in need of this �2000 grant, because my Bishop has absolute final say in all financial matters now regarding grants, although I do also have a big say in who gets a grant, so providing you do whatever I ask of you, I can report back to my Bishop and you should get your full grant without any problem!

I will also need some photographic proof of the deity for church records, please send someone to take photographs of it as soon as possible so as not too delay your grant application.

Brother Pxxxx, I take it from you using the name "brother" that you are a man of the church? Are you an actual pastor? If you are, I have something which you personally may be very interested in, I have been speaking to my Bishop about your problems, and as I mentioned before, we have no branch of our church in your area, if you are a real pastor, would you be interested in running the Nigerian branch of our church?

You seem to be a man who gets things done and I like that a lot, especially as you are fighting evil on your doorstep, and we need someone like you in Nigeria as our representetive, as with our other overseas pastors, you would of course receive a pastors wage of approximately �15,000 per year, we would also provide substantial funds to build a church and living quarters for you, you would have complete control over the church, to give you an idea, our most recent overseas pastor has a new church which cost us nearly �120,000 to build in kenya, it also has it's own personal residence attached to the church with a large conference hall, it really is very plush, I visited it when building work was completed, it is very palatial place.

You will of course have to show me some documentation showing that you are indeed a fully fledged pastor, which I am sure you can provide, please let me know if you would be interested in being our pastor in Nigeria, as my church is always looking to branch out in new areas.

Well Brother Pxxxx, I will end my email here, please get back to me and tell me when I can expect to have copies of the drafts for the handbills and the jingles, plus the photo of the evil deity for our records, may God guide you in all you do my son.

Blessings,

Father O'H

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