The Right Reverend v Mrs Lip-Up Fati...one of my first baits

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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 1:05 pm

One of my first baits, which lasted just over a month.

After responding to the usual sob story from Mrs Fatim4 Rashe3d I received this...

Quote:

My Dear Beloved Pet3r P. Pip3r,

Assalaamu Alaykum,

Thank you very much for your prompt response to my mail, which has again
reassured me of your reliability. You must understand the fact that, my
health condition would not permit me to handle this affair on my own and it
is based on this I decided to Contact you.

My dear beloved brother I have agree to offer you $4,600,000 (four million,
six hundred thousand untied states dollars) but please I don�t want you
delaying regarding the response of this transaction because everything
needed to be done fast because of my health condition,

Before we proceed with the execution of my will, I would want you to
understand that, the trust which I have bestowed upon you at this juncture
is enormous and you must not take undue advantage of this. Be informed at
this juncture that,

This project will be 100% hitch free provided you address here strictly to
my instructions at every given point in Time. I want you to understand that,
my relatives in whom I confided to help me distribute my assets and this
time around have cheated me in the past,

I would not want a situation whereby you do not use this fund for the actual
purpose it is meant for. You have been selected for this mission after
series of prayers and I Would not want you to let me down. If after your
perusal, you feel that the amount of money that I am offering you for the
expedition of this project is not satisfactory, I want you to feel free to
inform me so That we can adjust it.

Beloved one, I am seriously counting on your support to reach out to the
less privileges, which is my utmost desire. You are therefore required to
reassure me of your seriousness by Furnishing me with the following details;

1. Your legitimate name

2. Your contact address (not P.O.Box)

3. Your telephone number (cell if any)

4. Your fax number

5. Your area of specialization

6. Your Age

7. Your marital status

On receipt of the above information, I shall immediately provide you with
further details on how to claim the funds from the security officials which
is in Dubai-U.A.E, in your next email reply, I want you to outline all the
various activities you would engage the funds into,

Just for me to be convinced that you are capable of handling this mission.
Note that, this mission would certainly take most of your time and it is
based on this fact that I have agreed to offer you some money just to
compensate you for your moral and financial assistance, which you would be
rendering during the execution of this project. Please note that, time is of
immense importance and you are free to ask me any question pertaining to the
execution of this mission.

Please do contact me on my directly Email: Fatima_rasheed101 @yahoo.ca

May God forever be with you.

My Best Regards

Mrs. Fatima Rashe3d Khalif4.

My response...to establish my character

Quote:

My Dear Dear Mrs. Fatim4 Rash3ed Khalif4.

Thank you for your two urgent e-mails.

I TRUELY feel I am doing GOD'S free-will in this beautiful endeavour, so
I certainly have time in my hands to devote to this MISSIONARY
POSITION, that you say has been choosen upon me. You can absolutely
guarantee on my 100% hitch free co-operation here, to your STRICTEST
INSTRUCTIONS. Our vestry roof is leaking very badly, so this offer has
come like mama from HEAVEN above.

Regarding your will, to enable it to be EXECUTED, here is the personal
details which, IN GOD, you request of me, in your HOUR OF NEED, to
support to reach out to the less privileges :-

1. Your legitimate name - Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r

2. Your contact address (not P.O.Box) - The Holy 0rder of the Ministry
of Sound, H0ly Island, Northumberland, England

3. Your telephone number (cell if any) - none available - due to
religious restrictions

4. Your fax number - FAX NO. IS : 44-87-1251-73XX - For strict
religious reasons, our fax can only RECEIVE FAXES. Our vows we are
forbid us to to send any FAXES out.

5. Your area of specialization - Church Ministry Finance Direct0rate

6. Your Age - 48

7. Your marital status - Celebate for religious reasons - marriage not
permitted by order

Once again, I look forward to hearing from you soon to both our MUTUAL
BENEFIT.

YOURS IN OUR LORD.

Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r

She introduces her lawyer... Barrister William Legr0 Rich4rd Juni0r By name

Quote:

My Dear beloved Brother Right Reverend Pet3r,

I received your email which the content is well understood by me, I thank you very much for your urgent reply. I thank you once again for your kind understanding to assist me in carrying out this grate humanitarian project.

I wish that the money will be used also in assisting the orphanage in Iraq and in your country and else where in the world hence the foundation will be a non-governmental organization.

I have no doubt that coming in contact with you was a miracle and the will of God for the fulfillments of my long times dreams in helping the less-privileges and the orphans.

My dear brother I knew that you�re God fearing man that is why I contacted you after my fasting and prayer our Almighty God directed me to chooses you because I know that you will never disappoint me after this consignment is with you in your country.

Quickly contact our lawyer immediately let him start securing your beneficially documents immediately because you don�t need to delay this transaction.

Our lawyer email address is : (barr_williamlegrojr @excite.com) Barrister William Legro Richard Juni0r By name.

Please contact him immediately and forward all your postal address to him with your direct telephone number and your fax number immediately.

But my dear what I need in this transaction is truth, faith, and confidence that you will not denied me when this fund gets to you or try to hid or run when this fund gets to you as I know that there are many bad people in this world which I believe that your are not one of them,

As I have no doubt that coming in contact with was a miracle and the will of God for the fulfillments of my long times dreams in helping the orphans.

I have written to our lawyer who will assist you legally in processing all the necessary legal documents required in retrieving the deposited consignment from the security officials on your name as the new beneficiary of the consignment,

Our lawyer he is a human right activist and also a kind man,he will assist us legally in processing all the necessary legal documents required in retrieving the deposited consignment from the security officials.

The deposited amount is SUM of ($23,000,000 MILLION U.S DOLLARS ), I am willing to give you $4,600,000 (four million, six hundred thousand untied states dollars)of the total funds to you for helping me to retrieve the deposited consignment and any expenses you made in this transaction,

Immediately you collect this our consignment from the security officials first thing you will do is to take your $4,600,000 (four million, six hundred thousand untied states dollars) before you will start helping the less privelages ones,

Therefore immediately I received your reply urgently I will attach a photocopy of my international passport and the certificate of the deposits for my reference and send to you.

I also request that you forward to me your identification reference as and honest partner.

Note: Do not discuss this with any another person as you know that it is confidential and must be between you and me until and consignment was retrieve and gets to you.

May God bless you and your family while waiting to hear from you immediately you contact our lawyer and get back to me.

Please always pray for me so that I will survival and meet you face to face in your country,

Best Regards to your family,

Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4.

She gets jumpy after I don't respond for a couple of days. She thanks me for my non-existant e-mail

Quote:

My Dear beloved Brother Right Reverend Pet3r,

How are you and your family with your work? Hope everything is fine, if so thanks be to God. My dear beloved brother thank you very mush for your mail but the way you�re dallying is this transaction proper, please you have to be checking your email address everything one hour so that you will not delay again because I have forwarded your address to our lawyer yesterday as you told,

I know that he will contact you today and please try follow his instruction immediately you receiver his massage, my dear brother if you cannot travel to Dubai to collect the consignment from the security officials no problem for that, the most important thing right now is to tell our lawyer to secure all the entire documents urgent and send to you before the security officials will lift our consignment to you in your country as you will told them that you need the consignment in your country,

Please I am waiting for your reply soon as you hear from our lawyer, and as I told you don�t tell any body about this transaction until you claim this consignment out from the security officials,

Thanks as I am waiting to hear from you soonest
I am yours sweet sister
Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4.

My response...

Quote:

My Dear Dear Dear Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4.

OR May I call you my "Dear Mrs Lip-up Fati"?

Please apologise for the breifness of this reply, but we have now been
summoned by the bells (the bells) to our evening VESPERS. In memorium of
OUR LADY LAMBRETTA. Seven hours of chanting, fasting and prayers.

I am SOMEWHAT SUPRISED and BEMUSED in OUR LORD and also YOU, that
third party wall lawyers have to now become involved, given that I
ALREADY gave you my personal details in my previous e-mail. To save BOTH
you and me and my fellow bretheren money - please pass onto your LAWYER
my personal details as ALREADY GIVEN before. Please don't try waste my
time, as I need to spend it in QUITE CONTEMPLATION and PRAYER in the
LORD'S NAME - TIME IS money - and LENT is also fast approaching.

Regarding identification, my HOLY ORDER OF THE MINISTRY OF SOUND, is a
silent order and, as such, we are strictly forbidden to travel
anywhere apart from on our CHRIST'S choosen mode of transport -
'Shankey's Poney' . CONSEQUENTLY, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOUR US TO LEAVE
OUR HOLY ISLAND - due also to tides and we have no need for travel
documentataion consequently of this. I do hope you understand?

I would gladly give my regards to my family, if I had any, and vice
versa to you also.

Our vestry roof still continues to leak -so I await your nearest
response as favouable as soonest.

OUR LORD IS ALL-SEEING, ALL-BEING AND ALL-THAT.

Yours reverently.

Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r

She responds early the next day. You can almost smell her urgency to move the transaction along...

Quote:

My Dear beloved Brother Right Reverend Pet3r,

How are you and your work over there today my dear brother beloved brother?

I have forwarded your contact information and address to our lawyer as I told you, but our lawyer sent me mail told me yesterday said that he will need some money to secure all the documents from the high court of Dubai, so you�re my dear beloved brother you know that you are going to transfer some money to our lawyer so that he will secure all the documents out from the high court,

Our lawyer said that he needed $1500USD so that you will pay it in high court before them will release all your documents, please my dear brother I think you know that I don�t have any money with me here again, please get back to me urgent let me ask our lawyer how he need this money so that you will send it to him to start our work urgent.

So please you are to pay our lawyer $1500USD before he will get all the documents out and send to you to contact the security officials before them will lift our consignment to your country, please if you know that you will not be able to pay this money tell me in on your next reply because I don�t want west our lawyer time,

So my dear beloved brother don�t worry for any expenses you will do in this transaction because 5% of the total funds has be map out for any expenses you do in this transaction and 20% for helping me to secure the fund out from the security officials, immediately you collect our consignment from the security officials first thing you will do is to take your 25% share out before you will pay our lawyer his service charges,

After you come back to your country you will start helping the less privileges ones as I told you,

Thanks my dear beloved brother I am waiting for your reply soonest ,

I am yours blood sister

Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4.

5 days later, I respond...the vestry roof is getting worse and must take priority...

Quote:

My Dear Dear Mrs Lip-up Fati

Thank you for your latest e-mail.

Sadly, our VESTRY roof still continues to leak badly, so I am sure you
will appreciate that our precious church FUNDS must be channelled
towards solving this PROBLEM. Consequently, I cannot at this time
authorise the release of the amount you request to your lawyer.
However, all is not lost. At EVENSONG last evening, with OUR LORD'S
inspiration, I hit upon a solution to our MUTUAL DILEMMA. Praise the
Lord! What you MUST DO IS THIS-----deduct the high court fees from my
$4,600,000 (four million, six hundred thousand untied states dollars)
share and then pay over the balance to us. GOD'S SPEED would be much
appreciated, as our roof is about to cave in.

MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU.

I remain your blood brother.

Yours reverently.

Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r

['The Devil is in the detail' - Old Jewish lawyers proverb]

She sends me a reminder, which I can't find. So after nearly three weeks I send her this...

Quote:

My Dear Mrs Lip-up Fati

I hope you are well there and all that?

Sadly yet again, our VESTRY roof still continues to leak badly and
threatens to CAVE IN, which is why I have
not been able to communicate with you for a while yet.

I have been incommunicado VIGOUROUSLY BASHING THE BISHOP about the poor
state of the ERECTION that is a poor excuse for a steeple of our church.
Unfortunately, the bishop's HANDS ARE TIED, so he tells me. Therefore, I
am keen very much so to progress, with OUR LORDS blessing, the
MODALITIES of your transaction, if you are still able?

Please let me know what we need to do, together with OUR LORD, in order
to bring about the required outcome necessary.

MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU.

I remain your blood brother.

Yours very reverently.

Right Rever3nd Pet3r P. Pip3r

['In god we trust, the rest pay cash' - Old Jewish lawyers proverb]

She replies almost immediately exorting me to pay the fees to the lawyer. My response...things go from bad to worse for my church...Enter Mr Fr3d Dibble, steeplejack and TV presenter...

Quote:

My Dear beloved sister in God Mrs Lip-up Fati

Thank you for your e-mail. Your touching concern for our church is much
appreciated by us all hereabouts and also our LORD FATHER WHO ART IN
HEAVEN. We have said a special prayer for both you, and also our
precarious PEDIMENT, at EVENSONGS OF PRAISE last evening.

Unfortuneatly, things go from bad to worse here. We can now no longer
ring our bells, due the BATS IN THE BELFRY and also the very bad wet nob
rot in the
lower BELL-END tower of the cathedral. Consequently, as a result, we
sadly have also had to LAYOFF all our CAMPOLOGISTS on half pay and no
overtime. Poor things. They are at the END OF THEIR TETHERS.

Also, our VESTRY roof still continues to leak very badly and we have had
to call in the services of an expert TV steeplejack and professional
Lancastrian, Mr Fr3d Dibble, for remedial repairs. He arrived this very
day on his 27 ton steam engine and made a right mess of our newly
tarmaced churchyard, I can tell you. Cann0n Ball was absolutely
furious, but Brother B0bby found it feintly amusing, so much so he
snapped his cassock braces in the heat of the moment. How we all
guffawed
when his trousers sunk to his HAIRY ankles - you should ahve seen the
state of his gators. The last time we laughed that loud was when Mother
Superior told us she was leaving to become a mother! Anyways, a damaged
churchyard is but a small price to pay, I suppose, for DRY CASSOCKS.

As I speak, I can see Fr3d Dibble from my ORRIFICE window, shinning up
the BELL-END
tower like a rat up a trouser leg in search of MEAT AND TWO VEG. Fingers
crossed,he will soon put us all out of our MISERIES.

Anyway, enough of my woes, I do hope you are well there and all that? My
brethren here are all intriged as to what you look like. Please rest
assured, this is a silent order,so CONFIDENTIALITY remains 100%
GUARANTEED. Could I ask you a a favour in our LORD that my brothers have
requested me? Could you please e-mail me a photograph of godly self and
I will place it near our LORDS alter here, so you will remain in all our
prayers hereabouts.

Back to the business in hand, in the name of OUR LORD JC, please let me
know what I need to do now, together with OUR LORD, in order to bring
about the required outcome necessary. Get your lawyers to contact me as
soonest and I will gladly FACILITATE the MODALITIES required for all our
MUTUAL BENEFITS.

MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU. Must go now, as I need to dash to the
mainland, before the tide comes in, to purchase some sacrement wine and
waffers for our EASTER BASH.

I remain your bloodly brother always.

Yours very reverently.

Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r

PS Please please don't forget the photograph, my brothers will be
thrilled to see you in ALL YOUR GLORY.
--
Pet3r P. Pip3r

Mrs Fati wants to build the most biggest church in London, after I secure the funds...

Quote:

My Dear Beloved Brother Pet3r P. Pip3r,

How are you and your family with church? My dear beloved brother thanks very much for your reply, I do understand you very well, everything will be fine as soon as you collect our consignment from the security officials, you will use the funds to build the most biggest church in London,

You will also help the less privileges ones in your country and also do the work of God as you promised God, my dear beloved brother the most important thing right is for you to secure this funds out from the security officials before you will start doing this work of God,

I want you to know that all the legal documents most be secured by our lawyer before you will contact the security officials and demand for the realness of our consignment, and you know without send this money to our lawyer he will not secure the documents, please try your best to arrange the money and send to him immediately so that he will secure all the entire legal documents and send to you immediately,

Below is our lawyer contact address with his telephone number and his Fax number as you requested from me,

Barrister name is William Legr0 Richard Juni0r,

Email: barr_williamlegrojr @excite.com

Mobile : 00971-50-28393XX

More bad news...steeplejack Fr3d Dibble meets a sticky end and the Right Rev. is elected P0pe of H0ly Island...

Quote:

My Dearest beloved sister in God Almighty Mrs Lip-up Fati

Thank you for your latest e-mail. Your continued concern for our ailing
church is much
appreciated. However, I have some more very bad news.

Despite our extra-special prayers, our PRECIOUS church's PEDIMENT
collapsed suddenly during EVENSONGS OF PRAISE last evening. Luckily, we
all managed to escape with our CASSOCKS intact before the whole
CRUMBLING ORRIFICE collapsed in a pile of rubble. The lower BELL-END
tower of the cathedral is now completly destroyed to its fullest extent.
It is irrepairable despite the best efforts of Mr Fr3d Dibble, who
tragically fell to his untimely death from the BELL-END tower whilst
trying to repair the EAST TRANSCEPT roof. Such is his fame, the people
of Lancastrishire have declared three days of official mourning,
followed by seven days of celebration. We have been granted the
gratutious priveledge of being able to bury him in our newly tarmaced
churchyard. What a coupe, I can tell you.

My fellow Brothers Cann0n and 8all think this whole farago is an
absolute comedy PANTOMIME and they are both seriously thinking of
leaving the faith to persue a career in what they call "show business",
whatever that is. This puts me in pole position for the top job as God's
right hand man hereabouts. In this respect please say a prayer for me,
and watch out for the white smoke.

Once I am elected Pope Pet3r P Pip3r of Holy Island here, I will, as you
say, build the biggest ever church in London. I will call it Fenchurch.
It will make St Paul's Cath3dral look like a little H0USE ON THE PRAIRE.

MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU IN YOUR HOURS OF NEED IN HOSPITAL. If you need
any fresh fruit, or reading material, please let me know and I will
organise a whip round amongst the brethren here to send it to you. Do
you like green or red grapes?

Sorry, but I must go now, as I need to dash to the mainland, before the
F0G ON THE TYNE IS ALL MINE ALL MINE, for some sacrificial lambs, for
the LAMB-ASS DAY festival, which is FAST approaching.

Be re-assured, I will be in contact with your barrister tomorrow to
continue this business, after we have ritually slaughtered the LAMBS-ASS
in celebration of my ERECTION to the esteemed ORRIFICE of THE POPE OF
H0LY ISLAND.

As always, I continue to remain your bloodly brother.

Yours very reverently.

Right Reverend Pet3r P. Pip3r (soon to be The Pope)

Enter the barrister, who received my non-exitent "massage". LOL....

Quote:

Attention. Pope Pet3r. P.Pip3r,

I received your massage everything is well understood by me, I will advice you to quickly transfer the sum of$ 1500USD to enable me to secure the legal Documents which you need to use and claim your consignment,

I have explain everything clear to your Sister�s Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4 which she knew that without paying this amount in High Court the documents will not be releases to you me, without transferring this money nothing will done,

Quickly transfer the money through western union money transfer with this our cashier name and his address immediately,

Below are his name and his address;

NAME: C0LLINS T0BECHI NW4DIKE.

ADDRESS: DEIR4 DUBAI UNITED ARAB EMIRATES.

Quickly transfer the money and send the transfer information to me immeditraly let me proceed because the High Court is waiting for me,

Thanks for your understanding and your Co�copulation,

As I am waiting for your feedback soon,

Always at your service

Barrister William Legr0 Juni0r,

Quickly call me with my direct telephone number immediately 00971-50-28393XX

I reproach the Barr. on his protocols...

Quote:

Dear Bill,

Firstly, could I just set you straight regarding the PROTOCOLS of
addreessing any e-mails to me. Following my INNOCULATION as the SUPREMES
POPE OF H0LY ISLAND, LONDON, in all future correspondence I should be
addressed as "YOUR POINTLESS HOLINESS OF THE H0LY LAND, LONDON". Please
note this is critical if the MODALITIES are to be continued.

Due to the sudden collapse of our SOUTH TRANSCEPT, and the sad demise of
Mr Fred Dibble (Mrs Khalif4 can explain all), all our telephonic
communications here have been cut off for the time being. Therefore, I
am unable to telephone you AT ALL, AT ALL.

As a holy man,I am unfamiliar as to the workings of what you call the
Western Onion. What do we here need to do to enable GODS WILL to be done
for all our BENEFITS? Please advise.

Sorry, I must go now as I have officiate at the tarmac burial funeral of
the late departed TV steeplejack, and professional Lancastrianic, Mr
Fr3d Dibble.

MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU.Give my regards to my special Mrs K.

[From the Orriffice of the Supremes Pope Pet3r P. Pip3r of H0lly Island,
London]

--
Pet3r P. Pip3r

Mrs Fati tries to keep the momentum going...

Quote:

My dear beloved brother

How are you and the church? Thanks for your mail which show me that you have contacted our lawyer as you said. Please my dear beloved brother don�t worry for anything everything will be alright as soon as you collect this consignment from the security company,

Just try all your best to make sure that you send the money to our lawyer because if you don�t send the money to him, he cannot secure the document that is what he told me. Please just ask him to give the name which you will use to send the money to him to make sure that he will secure all the documents and send to you before you contact the security company ok,

Thanks and may God bless you and your family as I know that we will meet face to face in your country before you will start helping then less privileges ones and please always prayer for me so that I will survival and meet you over there ok,

I am waiting for your good news as soon as you send the money to our lawyer

I am yours sweet sister

Mrs. Fatim4 Rashe3d Khalif4.

The barrister gets a little impatient...

Quote:

Attention, Sir.

I don�t really understand you, explain to me very clear Sir, meanwhile Western Union Money transfer is the way you will use to transfer the money to me immediately because High Court is waiting for me to come the payment, without paying the money your beneficial documents will be releases to me.

To make everything fast just transfer this money immediately no need to wasting time or delaying please Sir.

I am waiting for the transfer information

Always at your service

Barrister William Legr0

My reply to Mrs Fati...

Quote:

My Dearest sister Fati in God,

Thank you for your e-mail. I am sorry for not replying soonest. We have
great problems here regarding the PROLAPSE of our church into BARMY
RUBBLE. It will need all OUR MOST ERNEST BOURGNINE EFFORTS to rebuild in
honour of our PATRON SAINT - Saint Francis of R0ssi. We must do this as
soonest as possible in order to maintain the religious STATU5 QU0.

I have not yet heard from your lawyer since I e-mailed him last
Thursday. What is he playing at, dear lady? Please ask him to contact me
as soon. We dearly need the money here in order to rebuild our BELOVED
CHURCH, and MAKE AN ERECTION to the late Fr3d Dibble (steeplejack and
professional Lancastrianic), who sadly fell to his death whilst trying
to rescue the SOUTH TRANSCEPT tower. The tarmac in our churchyard is
also now badly cracked following Mr Dibble's sad demise, and it will
also have to be relayed.

Please get your lawyer to contact me.

Yours.

His holiness Pet3r P. Pip3r, YOUR POINTLESS HOLINESS
[From the Orriffice of the Supremes Pope Pet3r P. Pip3r of H0lly Island,
Lond0n]

Sadly I heard nothing more from either Mrs Fati or her barrister, and I never did get my picture.

TS

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Tommo -- that was some excellent verbiage there. Hell, I couldn't understand half of what you said - no doubt the lad was pulling his short hairs out trying to get you motivated. Laughing

Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 9:56 pm

JMRazor wrote:

Tommo -- that was some excellent verbiage there. Hell, I couldn't understand half of what you said ...

Thanks JMR, I take that as a compliment!

There is a lot of it in the UKland type of humor, which doesn't always travel over the ocean and elsewhere in the globe.

It made me laugh anyway. I am easily amused. Laughing

TS

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Oh I was laughing, don't get me wrong. Wink

The capitalized words were priceless...

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